I may yet live. I have hope. I stood in the shower this morning! I feel substantially less dead. Rejoice, and open thread.
Cocktail Hour: Open Thread
I may yet live. I have hope. I stood in the shower this morning! I feel substantially less dead. Rejoice, and open thread.
Why would you use that image I just finished The Half-Blood Prince whyyyyyyyyyyyy
I just finished it this morning over breakfast and then mayyyyyybe cried on my way to work.
Last night Deathly Hallows Part 2 was on TV, so I watched some of it and got very emotional. I was texting a friend and told her that this movie was “the cinematic equivalent of my period” because it makes me weepy.
Feel better, Nicole!
Heya everyone!
Best wishes and prayers go to you, Nicole. May the demon chicken leave your system with grace.
So I’m doing okay with the single life, bar one particularly bad panic attack. But toastie Twitter helped out with that.
I guess the biggest news is that I’m going to New York in the beginning of March, and I’m seeing Fun Home and The Color Purple and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime!!! Plus I’m going to an improv class and the Lesbian Herstory Archive, which I presented on for my Queer final last semester.
And I get to go with my lovely roommate, and it’s all on my college’s dime.
Speaking of my roommate, she turned 18 yesterday because we are wee babbies.
Also I may possibly be visiting Toast friends in Toronto over the summer if my mother will let me. I’m super pumped for that.
I am and ADULT who TRAVELS now. yikes.
“Fun Home” and “Curious Incident” were sooooo gooood. Haven’t seen “The Color Purple” but I hope it’s great. Enjoy your trip!
Fun Home was so good! Have fun 🙂 and bring tissues, haaaaa.
That’s awesome! I used to intern at the Lesbian Herstory Archive, I want to hear more about your final. And I’m going to see Fun Home TONIGHT!
OKAY POSSIBLE BODY HORROR ALERT. I’m going to put this in a reply and hopefully today’s other OT comments will be enough to put it under a cut.
My vaginal cuff is coming open in the middle. I’ve been spotting since January 7. I am on something resembling bedrest (I am not very good at bedrest) and a fucking $95 estrogen cream in hopes that the combo will facilitate healing. I have not had PIV sex since December 5th (and frankly, not a lot of non-PIV sex because it’s stressful and fraught because I know things aren’t going well up in there). The filling I had done before Thanksgiving is still bothering me and my dentist doesn’t have an opening to look at it for the fourth time until next Friday. I’m supposed to get the results from my MRI today but if I was the betting type, I’d put money on them not finding anything despite my having constant pain there since my injury in freaking July of 2014.
Oh, geez, I have nothing but sympathy and just… I really wish you a lot of healing because all of this sounds very painful and upsetting. Boo. Big internet hugs.
This gif is soooo cute, thank you for sharing! Feel better 🙂
Oh no, that sounds terrible, I’m so so sorry.
That sounds horrible, not the least of which is not knowing what’s going on. Sending best wishes your way.
Well, fuck. That is the worst. Sending you all the love.
Oh god, I just Googled that. I am so sorry, that is horrifying and awful. Lots of sympathy and healing to you.
“…things aren’t going well up in there). The filling I had done before Thanksgiving…”
I did a massive double take because… uhh… it read like they did some kind of filling up in your hoo-hah, and then I read on to the word dentist and I was like oh god I need a drink.
PS sorry you’re going through all this =/
I feel like if it could happen to someone, it would happen to me, and here, I’ll start drinking with you.
Oooof. I hope you have time to wear extremely comfortable things and cuddle with a plush blanket and watch wonderful things on Netflix while your manservant delivers sustenance and gently brushes your hair.
Oh, honey, that sounds like No Fun At All, I’m sorry! I hope it all gets sorted out soonest. *hugs*
Ah that sounds like a rotten pile of bum body luck.
All I can say is don’t watch Dead Ringers.
And rest well. (As is possible.)
Oh nooooooo. That sounds deeply unpleasant. I am so sorry you’re hurting and stressing like that.
Maybe wise dogs, who do not cause allergies and also do not bark but communicate with the deep dulcit tones of the late great Alan Rickman, appear to be your faithful servants, fetching you individually sliced frozen grapes and perfect tiny pizzas and whatever else will speed your healing.
My goodness, that sounds objectively terrible, and I am frightened to Google so I shall skip that, but I WILL send love and toasthugs to you and hope that you have relief/ heal up from all of your hurts very soon.
Ugh ugh ugh. Nonstop pain is just plain exhausting. Even if you’re not good at bedrest, give yourself permission to just be ill and only deal with fulfilling the most basic needs. Order in nice food. Let the place be a mess. I don’t have to deal with that, I have a note from my doctor!
Oh man. I’m so sorry. That sucks ass.
::Toasthugs:: I wish I could help. I wish wanting health and healing for you could make it so. You deserve better.
You poor thing!!! I am so so sorry about your health woes. I have known some health woes, and they are woeful. Especially when they so directly impact sex, which is Really Rather Kind of Important to Some of Us. I hope this resolves quickly.
I have been in therapy sporadically ( busy times) to work out some of the angst regarding my chronic health issues and am constantly astonished at how much impact they have on my overall well-being. Maybe consider getting some similar support?
Meanwhile, be well, and be kind to yourself. *hug*
This week I found a bunch of lovely picker-uppers:
Jonathan Groff saw Daveed Diggs in the dressing room once and told the entire cast that Daveed had an eight-pack. That Daveed was shredded. (Here’s shameless NSFW proof of that.)
Natalie Dormer once made out with Captain America in a very dommey fashion.
Oscar Isaac is ridiculously cute in every interview he has with Lupita Nyong’o, who continues to be perfect.
And there was once a champion racehorse called Potoooooooo. As a pun on “potatoes.” I die.
If you’ns have any shamelessly objectifying GIFs or fun trivia, let’s keep this party going.
I shamelessly use any opportunity to post this one:
Do you know what this movie is from? Because I… might need to see it.
It’s from a movie called “London” and I have been told that it is really, truly awful.
Well, that’s a bit of a shame. Thanks for the info!
I have seen this movie and can concur that it is Not Good. The only thing to really recommend it is the hot sex scenes between Chris Evans and Jessica Biel. The rest of the time I just wanted to simultaneously punch Evans’ character and make him shower & cut his hair.
ARE LUPITA AND OSCAR REALLY DATING OR IS THAT A WONDERFUL DREAM I HAD ONCE
IDK but my tin hat is firmly in place for the two of them.
I’m shipping Lupita with Janelle Monae and Oscar with Gwendolyn Christie. I mean…if I did ship real people, which I totally don’t. I would ship them. Purely hypothetically. What.
Count me on board. If I can’t be with Janelle and Gwendolyn, they at least deserve Lupita and Oscar.
Have been relentlessly shipping Oscar & Gwendoline since that DELIGHTFUL INTERVIEW.
here’s hoping that at least Ep.VIII contains Phasma climbing out of the trash compactor & has to fight a cheeky Resistance pilot until she logically decides to join their side (which has nothing to do with the Poe’s eyes, REALLY she swears honestly it’s rude to even imply.)
I don’t know but I want them to be. The universe might implode from their combined perfection and charm, though.
Pot-8-o’s. I love him.
Ahem. My pony is descended from PotOOOOOOOO and I bring that up at every possible opportunity.
This is the best claim to fame.
That seems important and relevant for basically everything. That would be my damn email signature.
There is no family resemblance other than the amount of legs though, sadly.
that daveed diggs pic…i just whimpered. audibly.
right-click save
Groffsauce is the hero we need in this world
did someone say “objectifying GIFs”
This woman is us all:
WHAT IS THIS FROM
IT IS FROM THIS GEM OF A TERRIBLE SHORT FILM:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/CCd-qJQU7F8
No really, what is this from!?
C/P
IT IS FROM THIS GEM OF A TERRIBLE SHORT FILM: https://www.youtube.com/embed/CCd-qJQU7F8
*Sigh* Natalie Dormer is living my best life.
help it’s blizzarding here today so I’m working from home and I started watching unREAL and now I can’t stop
OMG unREAL is so good and addictive. Just make peace with the fact that you’re going to watch the whole thing in possibly a day. Good luck! Stay hydrated!
I can’t stop! I need to eat soon! What will become of me???
DON’T STOP. NEVER STOP.
I WON’T. that’s a promise.
I recently just binged all of UnReal in, like, three days and WHEN IS THE NEXT SEASON IS IT TIME YET???
(I’m kicking myself for waiting so long to watch it. No one told me Constance Zimmer was in it! I would follow her to the ends of the earth and back).
It is truly a thing of beauty. Constance Zimmer is incredible, and so is everyone else! The only character/actor I don’t like is Chet… I don’t think he’s very good and I kinda cringe when he’s on. Although maybe that’s the point! They’re playing me like one of the girls!!!!
I don’t think a release date has been announced, but it came out during the summer last year so I think we’ll see new eps in June.
It’s my birthday this weekend! Could… could I have some cute animal gifs please? *bambi eyes*
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday!
You say it’s you birthday (weekend)? It’s my birthday (weekend), too. You say it’s your birthday (weekend). We’re gonna have a good time. I’m glad it’s your birthday (weekend).
Happy birthday to you.
No animal gifs, I’m afraid.
Birthday goats!
Toast Post is back this spring!! Get real, live, hold-in-your-hand mail from the internet friends you’ve made at The Toast. How, you may ask?? Put your information into this google form and then in about 8 weeks you’ll get an email from me with up to 10 postal friends! There’s more information on the google form, and you can also direct any questions to me, polka_stripes, or @ToastiePost on twitter and ToastiePost at gmail!
Happy mailing!!
Yayy thank you so much! Unfortunately, I’m going to be moving in June and then possibly a second time in August (kill me now) so I’m glad you’re including the one-sided options, even though I would desperately love to receive as well as send.
You ROCK, can’t wait to send out some of my awesome cards!
oooh! I was just talking about how I wish Adult Pen Pals were a thing, and how they probably ARE a thing, but I just haven’t sought it out.
Yes that is exactly what this is!! Adult Pen Pals found YOU!
Oh that sounds fun!
Yay! Just signed up! And have a lovely stack of postcards leftover from last year!
Now to just work on legible handwriting. Maybe I’ll pull out the typewriter.
Personally, I would be just as happy to get something written on an actual typewriter.
As a college student who’s going to be swapping addresses pretty soon, how would I be able to take part in this?
(I’m gonna be in one place for the whole of summer break, but after that idk.)
There’s two options:
1. There’s an option to only send postcards, and you can let your matches know your address as it changes (you won’t receive mail right away from matches)
2. If your summer address is the same as your current address, you’ll be good! I’m sending out matches in April and as you communicate with people you can let them know your new address.
A suggestion from a big fan of ToastPost: I think there should also be a “Is it a one-card stand or do you want a committed penpal relationship?” question. It is a bit disheartening to send off a letter or a card and then never hear back. (Similarly, are people notified if they’re matched with someone who chose the “I can only receive letters” option?)
Also, thank you for the reminder that I am behind in my Toastie correspondence and I should get on that this weekend.
Also also, thank you for doing all this! I LOVE TOAST POST SO MUCH. evieskye and I got matched in 2014 and now we talk every day on Twitter and we’re basically like this:
I’ve thought about adding that as an option, but after awhile it starts getting difficult to match people once you put in too many qualifiers. That’s one of the reasons I don’t exchange/swap addresses but instead match your matches with different people, so there’s a greater possibility you’ll make a long-term postal friend. Almost no one picks the “I can only receive” option but I can/will let people know not to expect return mail if they get matched with someone who picks it!
I’m so glad to hear about you and evieskye <3<3
Did you get my last card??? I know I am DEEPLY AND DISHONORABLY behind in our correspondence, and I tried to send you something, but I’m worried that my stamps didn’t work properly for Canada.
I had no idea anyone was expecting follow-up correspondence. I feel like I just one-night-standed all my ToastPost matches. Whoops?
Usually post cards don’t have return addresses included (I know I didn’t include any), so you’re probably fine?
Me too 🙁 Sorry, pals!
I was one of your previous senders and I did not expect follow up. 😉 all good!
I just signed up off the back of the SpaceWitch tinyletter! I am a bit of a lurker (tend to do most of my internet talking on Twitter) here so perhaps nobody will want mail from me, though.
I can assure you, they do!
Spacewitch tinyletter??? More information is requested
I have answered my own question: http://tinyletter.com/SpaceWitchInterviews
Yay I can’t wait!!!!
yesssss
I signed up! I can’t participate in the comments so much so I hope this can be a way to make it up.
Yay! This sounds so fun! Just signed up and I can’t wait to send out bunches of fun postcards.
I completely failed at this last time around, am I blackballed forever? I will try to be better and get interesting postcards this time.
Haha no feel free to sign up again 🙂
HOORAH! I have been stockpiling Toast-Post appropriate mailing materials. You’re the best.
Where do you get your mailing materials from? I’d really like to buy fun mailing materials, but aside from occasionally buying cards from a drug store I don’t have much experience in this.
There’s a great bookstore a few minutes from my work that has quirky cards and arty postcard books and stickers and such! I’ve also gotten some postcards on recent travels, and have started doing incredibly amateur watercolors to send too.
Oooooh amateur watercolor postcards sound amazing!
Amazon has a bunch of themed post card packs, like anatomical illustrations of sea creatures or old book covers.
Thank you! I had no idea these postcard packs exist.
I buy postcards whenever I travel. I used to have them artfully decorating my apartment but now I just have a giant stack of them in a drawer. I like buying the sets of cards, except for some reason I bought several sets in China that are smoggy skylines? Not sure what I was thinking, lets blame jet lag. Also museums tend to have awesome post card and stationary sets.
In America, I buy 6 packs of cards for $1.50 at Michael’s (also a great place for stickers) and the Target dollar bin. Target has other options around $5 near the birthday/holiday cards too. Ikea sells inexpensive sets of postcards as well in the poster/frame section, but they sell two sizes and only one of them is actually mail-able (I think they’re the 5×7 ones). I’ve found postcards at a local thrift store, and you can also get postcard books, of sorts, from Amazon that are usually organized by some theme, like ones by a particular artist or of a particular scenic place. You can find postcards at museum gift shops too, in sets or individually. If you live near a Marshall’s, they also sell sets of notecards but they’re usually more like $5 for a set of 12, so that’s a bit more of a card investment. There’s also craft fairs and etsy!
Thank you! I had no idea I could get postcards from Target and Marshall’s.
Usually they have notecards with envelopes, not postcards, but notecards are totally appropriate Toast Post mailing materials!
Etsy has some great, incredibly sassy, mailing materials. I recommend a leisurely browse!
Yes!
Oh!
Ohh!
This is a thing? Is it a thing that it’s okay to join if you’ve been reading The Toast for less than a year & you have lurkerish tendencies? I do have some nice postcards lying around!
It is a wonderful and welcoming thing!!! You should totally sign up!
Yes yes yes!!
I did! Thank you so much for organizing, I can’t wait!
Yay!! Thank you very much for coordinating this! I love snail mail and am delighted by the idea of getting real mail from lovely Toasties!
Oh, how delightful! This won’t begin for a few weeks, yes? I know my address for the spring, but I won’t be there until the 21st.
Definitely sign up! I won’t be sending out matching emails until mid-March at the earliest (and that’s like, the EARLIEST earliest)
Thank you so much for doing this! I didn’t participate last time and simply looked on in envy as people raved about their mail. Can’t wait to send/receive mail with my fellow Toasts!
thank you! So excited!
I’m quite the lurker here, too, but am so excited to participate this time around!
Ooooh this is an amazing idea, I will join posthaste. I love getting real-life mail. Also, I posess a typewriter and if Certain People Commenting Above Me would like a type-written letter, I’d happily comply.
Cat thread?
Triton & Sebastian got very cozy during our past blizzard
oh my gosh the eyes in the top right one
That’s Sebastian – he always looks as though you have personally betrayed him just now.
Cat thread.
Omg it’s like real life Neko Atsume!
Personality: Nihilistic
Next week’s cat thread might have to be ‘your cats in their most Neko Atsume poses’. I may have to stuff mine into a giant sock.
10/10 palpable disdain.
What lovely eyebrows s/he has!
A useless idler.
Your cat is living my best life
I tried to take a picture of my kitten napping on me earlier this week only to discover that his older brother was plotting revenge in the corner and I had NO IDEA
SOON.
YES love the surprise revenge cat!
I made a photo of Hobbes this morning expressly for the cat thread, and he looked at me with great skepticism about this endeavor.
That is a brilliant expression.
This is the platonic ideal of side-eye.
Here is Asa surveying her domain…like a lady.
I identify strongly with your cat.
that is how I search for pollywogs in the spring
I’m super late but I’m so glad someone else’s cat sleeps like that. My Prim (the best cat in the world™) does it all the time and it looks so uncomfortable but she keeps doing it. I thought she was just weird but I guess it’s a cat thing!1!
We have a new cat tree.
Queen Zoe Cat:
Oh she IS a queen! I have a kittygirl who is a princesse, but yours is quite queenly. Beautiful.
this Cuddlebug and I went ONE WHOLE DAY without seeing each other and he lost his tiny mind with joy when he saw me again. He expressed it by kneading my boobs for way too long and then making this face.
How could you leave him for that long? You monster!
technically he’s my “parents’ cat” and “doesn’t live with me” and I “can’t have him,” WHATEVER.
All those reasons are totally silly!
Between work and her new boyfriend, my roommate has been spending approximately 20 hours a day away from the apartment, so her cat has been getting increasingly affectionate with me, & I’ve been leaving my bedroom door open so he can sleep on my bed. Which has been fine, historically, because he’ll generally just sleep at the foot of the bed, in the corner closest to the door, so he can run to my roommate as soon as she gets home. But as he’s become more accustomed to me/resigned to the idea that she’s not coming home until the morning, he’s gotten more comfortable, which means that Wednesday night I had a seventeen-pound cat literally walking all over me all night. Do not recommend. He’s so adorable, though:
My first Toast post, though I’ve been lurking forever. More importantly, however, this is Six.
What a fine feline specimen!
(Look at that fluffy tum!)
Lil pink toooooeeees!
Welcome! To you and to Six’s perfect eyes and fluff and pink toes!
Unfortunately, this picture doesn’t capture the full glory of her toe fluff.
Is she a Maine Coon or have Maine Coon in her? I love that breed.
She came to us as a 2 year old rescue, so I’m not sure. The adoption place said ragdoll or siamese mix, but we’ve had people inquire if she’s a Norwegian Forest Cat (http://cfa.org/breeds/breedskthrur/norwegianforestcat.aspx for some time wasting). I tell people she’s a forest cat mainly because it’s cooler (to me) even if it isn’t true. She’s pretty big, like 12-13 lbs, and her little triangle face and tufted toes do match some of the forest cat standards. But who knows?!
More pictures are always an option!
Also, emerging from Lurkdom is as delicious as warm toaster pastry around this place. Helloo!
Exhibit A:
My cat Scrambles vomited in our upstairs shower this morning while we were eating breakfast. My reaction: …fuck. My husband’s reaction: well, if he had to barf somewhere, that is probably the best place he could have done it.
That’s like the guy I knew in high school who was at a party & barfed in the open dishwasher. On the one hand, ew ew ew ew ew, but on the other hand, all you have to do is run the dishwasher & you’re good to go.
Sasha living my dream life
Merlin’s now learned that she can jump up onto my headboard. It’s now her new favorite spot to hang out
Toast friends, last night I said goodbye to my beautiful cat Robyn after 18 years together. Please give your kitties an extra snuggle on her behalf.
I’m so sorry for your loss, extra snuggles delivered and sympathetic thoughts wafting your way.
I’m so sorry.
Thank you so much!
Apropos of little, whenever Mallory describes her relationship with Nicole, it sounds like she decided the best life was to be a Knight Of The Pen, sworn ever to the service of the Lady Nicole.
UK Toasties, and specifically those living in or near Brighton and Hove, we have a newly minted Facebook group, and we’re already planning meet-ups! Do feel welcome to join us, even if you live in London or elsewhere and only sometimes visit Brighton. And apologies in advance for the very long link. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10100…
I have sent a request! I’m over in Dorset but Brighton is doable.
I’m London but fancy a jaunt to the beach (or beach adjacent) to say hi!
I’m in Cambs but do enjoy Brighton!
Ooh – I am in London now, but still a Brighton person at heart. (Well, East Sussex. BUT STILL.)
Toasts! I’m going on vacation to Washington DC (in seven weeks but whatever I’m thinking about it now.) The main purpose of the trip is for me to go to oral arguments at the Supreme Court so I can see hero RBG. I mean, I will only be literally seeing her from the gallery, it’s not like we’re having tea or anything, but I will be satisfied.
So, I have two questions for you:
1. Have any of you gone to oral arguments at the US Supreme Court, and is there anything I should know aside from what is on the website?
2. Where to eat! We’re staying in Capitol Hill. All cuisines and budgets are welcome, and I’ve already found out about this Eastern Market place that looks amazing for groceries and the like.
Many thanks!
Eat at the NMAI!
Was just coming here to say this! It’s amazing. I bought the Mitsitam Cafe Cookbook at the gift shop after I ate there.
… They have a cookbook now?? And my DC relatives haven’t sent me it. I am disappoint.
Awesome, thank you! I never would have thought of this!
Seconding this one. Thirding it even.
I just moved there so I don’t know of many places to eat yet but Mia’s Coffee is an adorable neighborhood coffee shop on Capitol Hill.
I’ve had great meals at Zaytinya and Oyamel (both Jose Andres restaurants). Had a fun drink in the very oldtimey lounge of the Tabard Inn.
Oyamel is excellent! I also love Ghibellina and there’s some fun stuff up in Columbia Heights, Meridian Pint and El Chu Cho are my neighborhood faves.
Thirding on Oyamel. Last time I was in DC, I proposed to my girlfriend, and for reasons unfathomable to me, she said yes.
We looked up a fancy restaurant to celebrate at; we went to a posh Italian place that was perfectly good, but not particularly…memorable.
The next night we wound up at Oyamel (without having planned it; we were just nearby), and had SUCH a fun, experimental, interesting, delicious, and not-insanely-expensive meal. We retroactively declared it to have been our official celebratory dinner. 🙂
Thank you all! I have added Oyamel to the list – I’ve been to a couple of his other restaurants and love them.
Fourthing Oyamel, try the brussels sprouts! And the salt-air margarita!
I also loved Zaytinya. Every single little dish we had was amazing.
Both delicious, and I need to add Jaleo (tapas) to that list. I miss it.
Ooh yes, we went to Jaleo when we were last in DC and got hooked on their white sangria.
If you haven’t been, his newest (China Chilicano: Peruvian/Japanese/Chinese fusion) is really excellent! It might be my favorite of all of his restaurants.
Go to Good Stuff for burgers! I miss it so much. Also Ted’s Bulletin and Lavagne are both very near Eastern Market and are both incredible.
Ted’s Bulletin was a long wait but so good.
One time I saw RBG eating lunch at Art & Soul on New Jersey Avenue, but I don’t know if it’s a habit or anything. Do not sleep during oral arguments, security will poke sleepy people and inform you to gtfo if you want to sleep, this is fun to watch.
Eastern Market is a good bet, also there’s sort of a public market/flea market depending on the day you’re there. Peregrine Coffee in Eastern Market is very good, as is most stuff on Barracks Row near the market. I like Ted’s Bulletin but the wait can be long.
Cherry Blossoms could be in bloom then too!
Oh dear, this just went on my list as “Art and Soul (RBG sighting!)”
I was there with a group of coworkers and they were annoying me, so I simply refrained from telling them that she was a few tables over. I told them later with all my dirtbag glee.
Hero.
I have been to oral arguments and it was super cool! Do not be surprised that the justices will act like teenagers during arguments, swiveling around in their chairs, passing notes, and whispering to each other. When I went, it was the Abercrombie/hijab/dress code argument and something about bankruptcy fees. There was also a decision about whether Sarbanes Oxley could be invoked when it involved a fisherman throwing undersized fish back into the sea after having been caught by the DEM that RBG read and peppered with fish puns. (“He was caught… in his own net.”) It was awesome. The security guards and pages will emphatically tell you what you need to know, security wise.
While we were there, we ate at Old Ebbitt Grill (near the Treasury) – mostly Americana, I had oysters and a Bloody Mary, Doi Moi – Thai/Vietnamese, Zaytinya – Middle Eastern small plates, Bistrot du Coin – French, super strong drinks, and Good Stuff Eatery – burgers.
If someone says you should check out the Library of Congress, they mean the Jefferson building, not the Madison building, a mistake we made. “Wow, this sure is… a library,” we thought until we googled it and realized we were in the wrong place.
I love Old Ebbitt.
I go to Ebbitt embarrassingly often because I work about a block away and have a thing for oysters and good bar service. If you go, I recommend skipping the huge main bar and going around to the back right and sitting at the oyster bar… ideally before 6 for the half priced raw bar special.
I also live about 4 blocks from Eastern Market, and while I really like Senart’s on barracks row, I think the quality of the oysters is better at Ebbitt. I’m also a huge fan of Wisdom near Potomac Ave metro (two stops on the metro from EM, or about 8 blocks walk), for their enormous gin selection and neighborhood vibe (bonus: the owner has a very sweet and shy dog that often hangs out til the wee hours observing people!)
Oh my god. If RBG makes puns while I am there I think I can die happy. That sounds amazing. Haha, thank you for the LoC info! I think we have been to both places, but I can’t remember.
I went to Supreme Court arguments once when I had a DC internship several years ago. I think the only thing to know–and you probably already know it–is that if you’re going to a case with a lot of notoriety, you sometimes have to line up really early–like, night-before early–to get in. So if you have a choice and don’t much care exactly what you see, go to an argument that’s more obscure. And skim the briefs beforehand so you know what the issues are.
The argument I went to was interesting–there was a 4th Amendment case that I was interested in the substance of, then there was some kind of arbitration case that I knew nothing about, but one of the lawyers got called out from the bench (I think by RBG herself, although I could be misremembering) for being deceitful towards the Court in that case and another one he’d apparently argued with them before. I was shocked and intrigued, but I never did figure out what the back story was.
Anyway, seeing an argument is a very cool experience, and I’m sure you’ll have a blast.
I am definitely hoping for a boring case! I’ve listened to some of the recordings of oral arguments, and I cannot wait. My parents got to go once, and said the justices are all exactly what you’d expect. They said the only surprise was that they were grudgingly impressed with John Roberts.
Oh, Roberts is a very smart guy. He’s highly qualified, he just also has a lot of bad and wrong views. He’s certainly the most principled of the cons, though. (Kennedy is more whimsical and unpredictable than principled.)
As a lawyer, I think that might be too much for me to deal with, even secondhand. If I *personally* got called out by RBG, I think my head would actually explode on the spot from shame.
If you don’t mind waiting in line for a while (or can go on a weeknight when it might not be as busy), Rose’s Luxury is really special. They don’t take reservations, hence the line, but might be less crazed on a weeknight.
Thirding the recommendations for Zaytinya.
My parents are in the DC area and I am loving the food scene every time I visit lately. I’m a fan of Matchbox, which is a mini-local-chain with a location in Capitol Hill. Great pizza, great salads. Cava Mezze for Greek tapas – and try there for brunch, which is unlimited food and penny mimosas! And if you’re up for a single FANCY ASS MEAL, we had a fabulous time at Garrison.
Garrison was delicious! We are big eaters in my family though so the prices seemed a bit steep for the portions…
I’m moving to DC next month (well, North Virginia actually), so I’m just going to stalk this thread for info.
Seconding Peregrine for coffee, and right next to it they have Pitango Gelato which was maybe my favorite thing when I lived in the neighborhood. It was expensive for ice cream, but cheap as luxuries go. I really liked their Affogato but just ice cream is really good too.
Also on Eastern Market, the indoor market has (on Saturdays? can’t remember) famous buckwheat blueberry pancakes. Down Barracks Row, Springmill bread is good for bread – if you’re going to make your own sandwiches at some point, it’s a good place to get it.
For non culinary needs, Capitol Hill Books is also in the neighborhood and is a comically overloaded used book store where I also got some great books cheap.
For the court – I looked up my old Facebook chats – we lined up on 6 am for a very unglamorous insurance case, we were like 12th in line but we were still pretty early – later would have been totally fine. I think around 7 they hand out tickets, then you can go drink coffee and stare wearily. Around 8 you come back and they let you in, then you have an hour to spend in the court (you can sit at the cafeteria, look at pictures, etc), and they bring you up to the courtroom at 9. For the courtroom you deposit your bags in a locker – so make sure you have a quarter with you. Basically it’s a little like boarding a flight, lots of waiting around and prep – so come prepared for that.
And have fun!!
Awesome, thank you for the tips! I am hoping for a boring case that week so we can get in.
Riverby Books is also open again now, a couple blocks away – they set out tea and cookies in the late afternoon and it’s basically the best.
Capitol Hill Books was also doing wine on the back porch on Saturdays once a month for a while – they might still, but I have no idea what the schedule is.
Best coffee in the southern capitol hill area I think is Bourbon Coffee (formerly Pound), best coffee in the area period is Sidamo on H St, it’s small so not ideal for lounging in most times but the MOST DELICIOUS, you can always take your drink and wander along H St. Best coffee for lounging is Tryst in Adams Morgan (on weekdays at least, on weekends it’s so crowded) or Coffy Cafe up in Columbia Heights, which is the best place.
I have a thing where I rarely go out to eat in my own neighborhood (why spend the money when I could just go home), but my favorites around there are District Taco, either of the Thai places by Eastern Market metro, or go up to Union Market for Takorean and the delicious Amish ice cream. And We the Pizza and Good Stuff, of course (oh darn, now I need a milkshake).
Be aware that Coffy Cafe closes at 3 PM on weekdays, if you go!
Take an uber to H St (not far from Eastern Market) and go to Sally’s Middle Name for dinner. I had an awesome awesome dinner there recently. Check the menu before you go, it changes everyday. And its small plates, so you can literally order everything on the menu, but also keep that in mind price wise when you look at the menu. I thought it was a good deal for the quality . A ton of bars along that stretch as well if you are into drinking.
Oh and right by there is Maketto, if the weather is nice, their outdoor areas are sooo dreamy. I have heard the food is good, but only had (good) cocktails there.
The food is excellent! And the dim sum Sundays is fabulous!
If you go to Eastern Market, check out Capitol City Books. It’s a used bookstore and it’s sort of INSANE, but also very awesome.
I don’t know if it’s still there, but it was making a brisk business (I lived in DC like…8 years ago) — if you haven’t had Japanese bar food, Kushi Izakaya is delicious!
ALSO NOT SURE IF IT’S STILL OPEN, but Thai X-ing was operated out of the English basement out of his townhouse. It’s just him, cooking you a fixed course based on what he buys at the market that day, and one server. BEST THAI FOOD EVER. We had cucumber pork soup, pumpkin curry, some duck thing that he threw together because he liked us, and I can’t remember what else but it was amazing!
FAR AWAY, but 2Amys has bomb-ass certified neapolitan pizza.
Ummmm ummm. Ben’s Chili Bowl is fun, but for greasy spooniness, I like the nearby Florida Avenue Grill.
Sushi Taro used to do an amazing sushi lunch where you could order a side of CHIRASHI for like $5! It was like little pieces of cut ends that can’t be made into nigiri, but there’s a lot of it and it was delicious.
OH, and Hank’s Oyster Bar by Dupont was a favorite with friends and family!
Kushi closed!
Daikaya Izakaya or Izakaya Seki are the new options in this area…
Oh boo! That’s a shame. It was always disgustingly packed when I lived nearby, but holy crap their rent must’ve been insane. Oh well :S
Toward the end of my stay in DC, I ended up eating a lot outside the district. There is a Chinese place in Maryland that makes noodles infused with white fish which count as like one of the top 10 things I’ve put in my mouth, and yes, that list includes anatomy.
Also great if you want to travel that far afield: Eden Center in Virginia! (there was the BEST banh mi place in that mall, as well as a great restaurant that made incredible beef underdone with lime. Further into Virginia you get into a large Korean neighborhood (OMG HANG AHREUM MARTS HOW I MISS YOU) and 24-hour KOREAN BBQ PLACES! (also not-24-hour all-you-can-eat korean BBQ places.) Sigh. All the walking I did when I lived there was only to allow me to cram more food into my system.
Sushi Taro is really close to me! Is it great? The other day there was a crazy long line and at first I thought it was for CVS because it’s in that building.
ETA I went to Thai Crossing, it’s still a thing but must have moved? It was UNBELIEVABLE!
Assuming it’s as good as it was when I lived in DC (again, 8 years ago), lunch was delicious! A bowl of delicious springy udon noodles with some fried tempura, and side bowl of jewel-like raw fish pieces over sushi rice. Mmmm.
OH AND YES THAI X-ING WAS MAGICAL WHEN I WENT!
Friends from India were visiting and we all went there and it was fantastic! Boo, moved? Well, as long as it’s still a thing — because the world should not be deprived of something so delicious.
Hi! re: Fun things in Eastern Market area!
1) Senarts Oyster House is blocks from there and has $1 oyster happy hour EVERY DAY if that’s your thing. Its very Classic DC so go and feel cool and drink dry martinis 🙂
2) Blue Jacket Brewery is walkable from Eastern Market at Navy Yard, and is a WOMAN OWNED BREWERY that’s also gorgeous and on the water.
3) Busboys & Poets @ 5th & K or the original U St. Location- it really doesnt get more DC than this restaurant / bar / cafe/ poetry slam/ 90s r&b hangout. Cheap drinks, good food, local art + bookshop. Come to eat or bring your book or your friends and come to chill!
Enjoy!
You had me at Woman owned brewey! I seek them out.
Oh! I also want to plug Thai X-ing in Shaw which is a family owned thai place where you reserve a table, pay a flat rate and just eat what they bring it out. it is always delicious and always a treat. Plus Shaw is fun 🙂
Eastern Market is AWESOME. Near the Hill, here are some local spots worth checking out:
– Good Stuff Eatery for DELICIOUS burgers made from ground brisket. Get the Obama burger. Live the dream.
– District Taco (near 7th & Pennsylvania) for famous local tacos
– We The Pizza, which is literally right next door to Good Stuff Eatery on Penn. Ave.
These are all casual eats, FYI. I used to live *right behind* the Supreme Court, and these were my haunts. Also, enjoy the Barracks Row area on 8th St. south of Pennsylvania, which has a plethora of cute (and less casual) places to eat in a short 4 block jaunt. Ted’s Bulletin is real popular – but REAL crowded. The bars are alrighty, too.
My fave in DC is Indian food. People love Rasika, and while it *is* awesome, my personal fave is Masala Art at Southwest Waterfront. The saag is so awesome, the spicy lamb curries are the bomb, etc. etc. Also, when I lived on the Hill the best local Indian takeout was Punjabi Dhaba. People love Aatish on the Hill but their food didn’t hold a candle to that delivery spicy chicken saag.
I love love love Masala Art! Though I go to the one in Tenleytown.
Yes, Good Stuff is great. The burgers are very tasty, but my favorite thing on their menu is the smores milkshake. It tastes like a campfire.
And agreed about Aatish on the Hill. If you want Indian food on the hill, get it from Cusbah on H St. Best palak paneer I’ve ever had.
Seconding We The Pizza, that place is delicious and I’m a sucker for a punny name.
There are a million places to eat in DC, and I’m sure a lot of them have changed since I left, but you have to go to Market Lunch (it’s the food counter inside Eastern Market) for breakfast. Get an order of blueberry buckwheat pancakes (aka bluebucks) with fried green tomatoes and cheesy grits. And to drink, you can have my bitter homesick tears.
Other recommendations: Capitol Hill Books was mentioned above, but Riverby Books is another good secondhand place. P&C Market on the west side of Lincoln Park is a great place to pick up wine and fancy cheese.
Also, a nice walk (since 7 weeks from now will be good weather for nice walks, probably): down East Capitol street from Lincoln Park to the Capitol, past all the historic and stately townhouses. There’s a weird and wonderful enclosure on the Capitol Grounds (on Google Maps it’s labeled the Summerhouse) that’s worth a quick visit, too.
Rasika (either location) for upscale indian food. A bit pricey for a normal outing, but the service, food, experience is all 100% divine. I didn’t think I liked indian food. I love love love Rasika.
Ted’s Bulletin is also cute. Thumbs up to Eastern Market and its surrounding neighborhood joints as well.
We talked all about the DC dining scene in the thread about obscure knowledge (that was my area of expertise) in Monday’s Link Roundup, so I’ll paste my comment here, though there might be overlap.
I’ll give you a couple of my very top ones: Rasika (either location is bomb, the best Indian you’ve ever had), 2 Amys (neighborhood vibe, best pizza in DC hands down, great small plates too), Kapnos (Mediterranean and Greek meze), Zaytinya (ditto), Estadio (Spanish, creative, delicious), Joe’s (if you’ve got money to burn, this is the ultimate seafood/steakhouse), Chaplin’s (20s speakeasy style, great cocktails, pork buns and ramen to die for), Le Diplomate (French and expensive but worth it for the mushroom tart alone), and last but not least, Et Voila (Belgian, warm and friendly).
Also, one time I had the opportunity to go to a retirement party of a family friend who worked as a staffer in the Supreme Court, but it overlapped with my work day so I didn’t go, a decision I will always regret. I found out later that most or all of the justices were there, including RBG. I could have been in her presence, maybe even met her! So much regret.
Around Eastern Market, I second the recs for the Market Lunch counter, Peregrine, and Capitol Hill Books, which is packed to the gills with second-hand books. The cheese counter in Eastern Market is also great, and they’re happy to give samples. There’s also a Hank’s Oyster Bar on Penn Ave which is delish. They’ve got happy hour specials and a tasty brunch!
If you feel like venturing further afield in NE DC, head to H Street and grab lunch at Toki Underground (ramen) or dinner at Maketto (it’s…a lot of things really. Skews towards dishes from the Asian continent). The Argonaut is a great, low-key bar on H Street, that I love.
Feel like going even farther into Northeast? I absolutely love DCity Smokehouse (operating out of the Wicked Bloom Bar until their new space is ready), Brookland’s Finest (Americana), Menomale (Neopolitan pizza, better than 2 Amy’s (yeah, I said it!)), and Union Market is great, with lots of things to choose from (I am partial to the Korean tacos, and to the pastries from the bakery across from the Korean tacos). I also love this little diner called MGM Roast Beef. Their sandwiches are amazing and they have a really great, classic breakfast, too.
In Adams Morgan, I love Donburi (Japanese) and Sakuramen (ramen). Mandu on 18th Street is great Korean food, and Oki Bowl on M Street is my favorite ramen joint in the city. Try the curry ramen! Sooo delicious.
In terms of fine dining, I’ve had great meals at Rasika, Del Frisco’s Double Eagle on I Street, and Fiola Mare.
Enjoy!
Yay for staying on Capitol Hill! It’s a lovely little neighborhood (and happens to be my home).
Seconding Rose’s Luxury in Eastern Market. They don’t take reservations, but if you get in line around 4:15 on a Tuesday-Thursday and wait til they open at 5:30, you’ll get the first dinner seating or you can put your name down for the second seating and then go wander around Barracks Row until they text you. Food is outstanding (one of the best meals of my life), the drinks are delicious, and the people are lovely. The last time I ate at Rose’s I saw President Obama, who was eating there for his birthday. You should 100% go, especially since you’ll be so close.
Thirding/Fourthing Zaytinya in Chinatown/Penn Quarter (you can take the D6 bus into Chinatown if you’re staying in the NE part of the Hill). It’s the best Jose Andres restaurant imo. Fairly easy to get a reservation on opentable if you plan ahead a few days. Get the brussels sprouts.
And a few other people mentioned Capitol Hill Books. Go! It is right by Eastern Market, and there are SO MANY BOOKS, often with snarky notes left by the man who owns the place. Every second Saturday of the month from 4-7pm, they have free wine and cheese on the back patio, plus a 10% discount on your purchase.
Oh, and if it’s decent out, walk over to the Congressional Cemetery. Tons of cool old graves to look at, and it is also a dog park. It’s fun to see dogs pooping on the graves of old congressmen. And there’s a yummy little pretzel place run out of rowhome that will be on your way, so stop there for sustenance (it’s called The Pretzel Bakery, on 15th and D SE).
If you’re already going to Eastern Market, I second the recs for Barracks Row; there are a lot of good restaurants there. You might also want to check out Union Market.
The National Museum of the American Indian does have the best cafeteria of all the Smithsonians.
DC also has great Ethiopian food, and if it’s in your budget/schedule you might want to check out one of Jose Andreas’s places (e.g. Jaleo).
When are you coming, how long are you staying, and how much Metro-riding/walking are you willing to do? (e.g. someone mentioned Baked and Wired below, which is in Georgetown, which is at least 30 blocks from the Capitol).
Thanks to all of you! I responded to as many of you as I could, but know that I made a map with ALL the recommendations on it!
guys, the weather sucks and going to work sucks. but! sometimes it’s nice. today the sun came out and i walked to work, it’s 30 minutes through a park with no traffic and lots of dogs.
toast, what’s been your most enjoyable commute?
Oh, that sounds lovely!
I used to live in Ottawa and would commute every day biking along the Rideau Canal. That was gorgeous. (In the summer, that is. In the winter my commute was a salted nightmare of congested buses)
I did this when I worked in Ottawa for a few weeks! It was July and beautiful outside and the best commute. Of course on my last day they finally installed a bikeshare station in Lansdowne Park where I worked…
I have a similar one in the summer along the Lachine Canal in Montreal – its like a highway just for bikes, and the park is totally gorgeous and full of sunlight. There’s also a dog park next to it, so I get playfully chased along the fence by a big pack of dogs every morning.
Of course in the winter the bike path is closed and I have to take a sketchy combination of industrial roads and underpasses :/
I love train/light rail commutes even if they are really long, because sitting and reading is my idea of a good time.
Ditto, my best commute was the hour-long bus ride from one transfer point to another. I’d get up, get dressed, drink my coffee on the bus, and listen to podcasts/audiobooks/music, do puzzles, read books. It was amazing.
(I took that bus home in the middle of a snowstorm at 11:45 at night one time. It was…mesmerizing. I wouldn’t want to do it again, but I’m glad I did it.)
I worked with my dad one summer when I was young, and every day we’d listen to a Mountain Goats album in the car. The commute was about one album long, round trip. We’d listen to the same album for a week, then try a new one. So that was my best commute, and it’s fun to have an artist where both my dad and I know all the words, at least for ~6 or so albums.
oh my goodness, i want to curl up inside this comment and live there forever.
I love being able to take the bus to work so I can zone out on podcasts and audio books. Also, my work has a flexible begin time so it doesn’t matter if traffic holds me up.
When I was in grad school, I drove 30 minutes through the Green Mountains of Vermont to and from my job. The scenery was gorgeous, particularly in the fall. I’d drive with the music turned up, wave at the cows, and enjoyed my time alone.
I’m not sure if this really counts as a commute, but one summer I worked at a summer camp in Minnesota and had to drive into town to run errands most days, and I loved those 20-30 minutes I’d get to spend cruising down the highway on mostly beautiful summer days blasting music with gorgeous scenery all around me.
Until right now I had completely forgotten about the summer I worked at the state fair and drove an hour each way on nearly-empty highways, driving home after dark with the windows open and the radio blasting
When I lived in Bethesda, I was about a 15-minute walk to the metro. From my apartment to the metro, I passed through a small park, then a street with a bunch of one-story stores, and the buildings gradually got taller as I approached the busy streets, so by the time I was at the metro stop I was thoroughly in the city. I really enjoyed gradually progressing into the city, then gradually easing out of it at the end of the day. Plus the metro ride itself was 30 minutes, so I got to read/write a lot.
When I lived in Portland I had a commute to school that I really enjoyed — 15-minute walk to the MAX stop, 30-minute train ride with no transfers, walk a couple blocks to class. Even when it was rainy and dismal (i.e. always), the walking parts weren’t too bad, and I loved being able to read or do homework on the train. Also, there was just something about being a train commuter that made me feel sophisticated and mature.
My current commute is pretty choice, because it is a) v v short, most days under ten minutes; and b) shared with my usually-good-company husband. We drive along Lake Michigan for 95-100% of it, depending on where we park, and pass the following types of thing, which in some combination or another gets super-convenient:
1. two coffee shops, one of which has a drive-through (locally roasted coffee and delicious pastries)
2. the grocery store (“Shit, honey, I forgot my lunch.”)
3. my gym (“Can you just drop me off at class?”)
4. gas stations, if necessary
And, on the other end of the day, every bar in town is within walking distance of our offices, as well as two movie theaters and more food than we have any idea what to do with.
This sounds idyllic.
When I worked downtown and lived where I do now, a portion of my bicycle ride every day was through a neighborhood called Ladd’s Addition, where the main thoroughfare is lined with old trees. For about half the year it’s delightfully green and leafy and shaded, and then for a few weeks it’s also covered in falling leaves. Very pretty.
Also my current commute, which is not only short, but takes me over a bridge that doesn’t allow car traffic. It’s just mass transit and bicycles and pedestrians.
I had a dream last night that involved a Mexico/Thailand/Hawaii vacation, Michael Shannon being my boyfriend, espionage, being cockblocked by Ben Stiller, trying to avoid the amorous advances of a talking dog (hmm, wonder what THAT symbolizes), attempting to retrieve a crucial briefcase from a bus but being thwarted by my inability to remember what Emile Hirsch’s name was, and attempting to fight the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio by waving a coat at his ghost face.
This is what happens when you go to bed at 8PM, people.
Sounds like I need to start going to bed earlier.
Oh! I went to bed at 8 the other night.
I dreamt that I was infiltrating a secret Egyptian cult. I was in disguise as an initiate, and they made us all eat a meal. It was the flesh of a secret agent. We were to absorb her memories and skills. When I found out that my bbq was people, I flipped, and they were trying to kill me with swirling blades. I barely escaped.
When I got out, there was a press conference waiting for me, and many of the cult members were trying to get my autograph. I was, in fact, Bernie Sanders.
That is fantastic, especially the end.
So should I volunteer as part of an after-school tutoring program, or am I just playing a part in a system that thrives on oppression? I’ve really been wanting to find some volunteer stuff to do but then I get hung up on Is This Thing Actually Helping Anybody.
Well you’re never going to know if it’s helping anybody if you don’t try anything. Volunteer organizations don’t make you sign a contract or anything–if you don’t like it, just find something else.
Oh my god. No. You are not oppressing anybody by giving someone the individual care and attention they need to succeed in school, particularly when the systems at play aren’t doing it, and programs are losing funding left and right to undo the damage.
Please volunteer. Please tutor and mentor and be a positive force in a young person’s life.
Looking forward to hearing responses to this. I also want to find somewhere to volunteer but am apprehensive about the issue you raised and showing up without any specialized skills and being more of a hindrance than a help.
I guess technically it depends on the program, but keeping kids in class and intellectually stimulated is usually not a bad thing. My roommate is an elementary school teacher and tutors her own students after school, and it really helps their grades. If nothing else it gives them time to work on homework with a teacher present.
OK so this is something that I thought about quite a bit when I was in Peace Corps (which is a whole other huge discount bin full of cans of worms), but what I decided was that sometimes I had to do what was right even if it didn’t meet some intellectual or philosophical benchmark of “sustainability” or “development” or whatever. For example, I once bought a huge can of powdered formula for a mother whose milk wasn’t producing, because I and my coworkers could see that her infant was literally starving, and I was a gringa with lots of money. Was that sustainable development? Heck no! But I am convinced it was the right thing to do.
Also, and this sounds corny but I believe it, you never know which seeds you plant will bear fruit. One of these kids may some day discover a cure for cancer, or write the next great novel, or become a powerful and inspiring teacher.
Anyways it is awesome that you are considering this.
I’m so so interested in the ethics of the peace corps. I’m considering applying, and I’ve heard so many different opinions. It’s US imperialism, it’s just about integrating into a culture, it’s what you make it, it depends on your country, it’s just like the starfish on the beach story. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I would love to hear your discount bin full of cans of worms! Maybe I’ll post in the open thread next week and ask for Toastie experiences.
I would totally be down for that conversation! From what I gather from talking to other friends who have volunteered, the experience varies drastically depending on the country and the specific program (e.g., Basic Sanitation in Bolivia vs. Small Business Development in Morocco).
Oh please go. I am a former teacher-turned-tutor-for-pay and I wish I didn’t need the money so I could volunteer tutor for kids that need it instead of kids whose parents can afford it (not that they aren’t lovely kids, because they are and they need it too, but when you’ve taught in a low income school you feel like a sell out to switch to this kind of thing). If I could have tutored all my kids one on one I would have but there’s only one of me. If you like kids and know some stuff, go and do.
Try it out! Working with kids is difficult but also incredibly warning. If the tutoring doesn’t seem like a good fit (or you are not very into the school system) but you still want to volunteer with kids, there’s always big brothers/big sisters, and if I may put a semi-work plug: look and see if where you live operates a CASA program. They are (supposed to be) grassroots/local programs that recruit volunteers to advocate for children in foster care. What’s great is that you’ll be working with the system but outside the system so not only will the work involve making sure the system is doing right by the kid according to state and federal law, but also pushing for how the system can exceed minimal expectations and making that happen. <endplug>
It can be really awesome to do this! Here are maybe a few things to keep in mind, if you aren’t already, to make it as awesome as possible:
– Through lots of reading and listening, build some cultural competency for the cultures of the kids you’re working with (whichever ones you don’t already share).
– Model perseverance, equanimity, and not taking shit personally. Be willing to let a student set the pace, and be cool about going over stuff as many times as it takes.
– If something’s going on with you that might make it hard for you to tutor that day, be calm (don’t make it the kid’s problem) but real about it, so they know it’s not them (and get to see someone stating a difficulty in a responsible way). Likewise, if you don’t understand what an assignment is asking for, tell them that and then try to find out from their teacher, if you can.
– Be alert to policies in your city or town that might affect the students you tutor, and weigh in on them as an advocate for your students if you have a good understanding of them and there’s a public opportunity to do so.
– Know your own boundaries and how they map onto your program’s protocols. Be really clear with both the program and your students about what you know you’re already good at and what you’re willing to try to help them figure out.
This is a lot! Done assiduously, it can double or more the amount of time and energy you give to tutoring, so you may want to take on hours/days accordingly! The good news is, it will make students’ time with you better, it will make your time better, and it will ground the tutoring in reality and context for both you and them.
Lordy, no! So many kids benefit from one-on-one or smaller groups in tutoring sessions–many teachers can’t possibly provide all the help their 150 students need, so having tutors can really and truly give kids who come from underprivileged backgrounds the leg up they need to succeed.
Dog problems.
How rude! I feel so much pity… especially given the enormous size of the cat. Is cat-spreading a thing? I think it’s a thing.
Cat-spreading is very much a problem in this household. Two cats. Both men. Both confirmed spreaders.
Yes, Guess which is the boycat in this picture?
Is that…. a Pemberley pennant?! I love your house so much. And your dog. THAT EAR.
It was a Xmas present from my little sister. The pennant. Not the dog or her ear.
I second the feeling of love for your house. Everytime you post pictures, I fall in love with your furniture! And the doors are great, too.
I thought at first you had mistakenly plugged in the dog, or the dog bed, and I was confused.
No. It’s the lamp. And the most oddly placed outlet ever. The quirks of an old house.
I thought it was a heated dog bed, which I assume is a thing? Our cat definitely loves his heated cat bed which plugs in.
My husband loves his side of the heated bed which we also plug in, so that is another perfectly legit mistake. I had not realized how many things could plug in, and the ambiguity of the cord leading down behind dog and bed!
What. We have the same dog bed.
#toasthivemind
TJ Maxx. It’s a godsend.
On one of many bean based threads some one threw out ‘dutch oven beans’ without explaining as a method of cooking dry beans:
You preheat your oven chuck beans+water inn an oven safe pot bring them to a boil and then stick it in the oven for like 1.5-2 hours. Holy crap they came out perfect. No boil over, no soak (I used pintos last night), 2 hours start to finish and I live a mile above sea level so normally it takes somewhere between 8 and 9 years to cook them.
*furiously scribbling notes*
What oven temp?
325°f sorry!
to add: I got this information from th kitchn which goes into more detail, like telling us that chickpeas need to be soaked overnight regardless.
Thank you!
I do this at 350, but basically anywhere in the 300-400 range will work. Obviously higher temp = cooks faster. But if you’re cooking something else at 375… that’s fine. Keep an eye on them, add water if needed, don’t stress out, it’ll be fine.
Also: you CAN do this with unsoaked chickpeas, but it’ll take longer. More like 3 hours. Throw ’em in the oven, take a nap, check on them, maybe another nap or a movie, then they should be done.
You can also start with cold water and it’ll be fine, but it’ll take longer.
Basically this method is impossible to screw up, as long as you ensure that the beans remain covered in water. I have cooked probably… fifty? a hundred? pounds of dried beans using this method and never once had a bad result. (I eat a LOT of beans. See username.)
I used to just stove cook them for three hours. I just made sure they always had enough water and kept a lid on the pot.
(Now I have an Instant Pot and I can have perfect beans in an hour or so. Best.)
Dried beans are the devil’s food and I refuse to believe your lies
I bought a Tiny Toast Pin from Etsy! I actually bought two, but this is the first to arrive:
I asked a friend who is a graphic designer and illustrator to draw Kat for me with her favorite toy, and it is the cutest thing that has ever been:
5 more weeks until my second child is born, and my life as a lady who is able to think clearly and sleep occasionally is over! I’m pretty excited to meet my son and be done with pregnancy forever though.
OMG FIVE WEEKS IS ALL?!?! Congrats!!
Etsy links please?? (And that illustration is the BEST!)
I bought it from Bite Size Miniatures here. I also bought this adorable Toast Broach but he hasn’t arrived yet.
They’re gonna be like “why is the toast thing so popular all of a sudden?!”
What Etsy shop did you get that pin on!?! I loveee it.
I bought it from Bite Size Miniatures here. I also bought this adorable Toast Broach but he hasn’t arrived yet.
I can’t deal with how amazing that illustration is.
If you want to see some of her other work, this is her portfolio. She does commissions!
Are you also the woman from “Joyful Expectation”? It reminds me of the pictures you sometimes post.
Yup, that’s me when I was pregnant with Kat!
Best wishes for a self and healthy delivery!
Toasts, have you ever mourned a relationship that never happened?
I met my dream man on Saturday night, after 3 years of absolutely no relationship prospects in anyway. And he was so into me and we got on so well. And then he didn’t call. And I’m 100% sure he’s not going to call.
But that hasn’t stopped me imagining us living together and having babies (such cute babies. He’s beautiful.) and now I’m really sad and tired of being alone and wondering what I did wrong (Was I too cold? I was probably too cold, I’m hard to get to know and sometimes guys don’t get that I’m into them) and what I said wrong (Did I insult him too much? I think I insulted him too much, but that’s just my humour…). Its been plaguing me all week.
TL:DR I’m neurotic and I’m going to be alone forever because of it.
I can’t figure out how to imbed youtube videos (I swear I used to know this), but yes and I got through it by listening to Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy on repeat. Here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk
I was about to post the same song, I still think about my college not-boyfriend every time it comes on.
Oh goodness. That song.
Yes. (Goodbye forever, handsome Canadian man with the same music tastes as me. We will never go to Newport Folk Festival together and camp in the woods and I will never know why you didn’t want to continue things after two dates.)
Sending you lots of hugs. And you’re not the only one who does that stuff. I too dream of the life together and I am hard to read so men don’t get that I am into them. We will both find love one day. Cheers to us and to putting ourselves out there!
I recently had a very similar thing! I mean, I wasn’t imagining babies or being together forever but I was like “Finally somebody I could stand to go on maybe like five whole dates with, and who knows, maybe more!” and he seemed to be feeling it too but then he just disappeared into the ether. Why are men?
WHY ARE MEN.
Seriously, if I could make myself be into sex with women I would totally just play for the other team.
Women are no better on the dating front. Especially since unless you’re in a major city, there are at most 5 single dykes in your would-date-a-person-who-lives-here radius, and they’ve all dated each other before.
SO TRUE. Tinder in my hometown is just the sad, searching for people screen forever. (I have taken a screenshot of it for when people ask me what I moved away.)
I live in a city with lots and lots of ladies-who-like-ladies (or so surveys say), and yet I have heard my share of horror stories. Everyone knows everyone and has dated everyone.
I had one of those – met a dude at a party, we bonded instantly, same opinions about everything, same obscure favourite bands, movies etc – total kindred spirits. Never saw him again.
23 years later, he popped up on FB as a friend of a friend and he had exactly the same gilded memory of that evening, we became friends on there and it turns out he posts whingey ‘friendzone’ posts and is unlikely to be spared when the misandrist revolution happens.
Welp that’s unfortunate.
This guy was rather drunk* when I met him, which is normally an instant dismissal, but he was so good-looking I could forgive it. If anything he was hotter in the morning when it was revealed just how intelligent he is (So intelligent.).
I’m such a pessimist that I can’t help thinking there probably is a massive catch like he’s married or something.
*Which is why I know he won’t call even though I gave him my number; he doesn’t remember my name.
Wait, “in the morning”? Do you mean you spent the night together and he didn’t call? He couldn’t have been drunk in the morning too. Ugh.
It’s a complicated story; he came back to mine for an after party and we all stayed up dancing until 7am and then he stayed over in my bed, but there was no sex (it was 7am, I was tired god damn. But now I’m worried that’s also why he hasn’t called).
Then he slept like the dead all morning until I forcibly woke him up with toast.
Tbh this is not an uncommon story; at least where I’m from going back to peoples houses after the club and staying over is pretty standard behaviour.
Oh ok. Maybe he was too drunk / hungover / tired to notice how well you clicked. I hope you can track him down and remind him!
But being alone forever isn’t a bad thing either, so don’t worry. (Love, your spinster aunt, mydonkeyfeet. I loooove being single, though I used to worry about ending up sad and alone. Happy and alone though is great. Just don’t worry.)
Ah, yes, Scottish guy I met at the Ren Faire, who was actually in-real-life Scottish and proved it with a passport. We had the most amazing flirtations every time I saw him and he was funny and witty and had good plans for his life, and he kissed me very, very sweetly once and I never saw him again.
But in my head we have a small house in the Highlands and write a lot by the fireside. We have a dog. His family loves me.
THE DOG.
I’m not even a dog person but you know how there are some dudes who just come with dogs? Like, even if they’ve never mentioned a dog, you’re like “You clearly own a dog, you are inherently a dog-man. Either now or in the future, a dog and you are intertwined.”
No? Just me?
I’m like 95% confident I can predict which dudes come with dogs, children, and woodworking hobbies. I’ll find out in 30 years if my confidence is justified.
I totally get you. There are guys who just come with dogs and they are the best guys.
I have a fantasy of hanging out in a park and meeting mr. perfect because his dog comes to talk to me and its the best dog ever (a girl, something like a boxer) and then we live happily ever after and gradually grow our animal collection.
This is the saddest short story ever told. Move the hell over, Hemingway.
CALL HIM. MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. YOU MISS 100% OF THE SHOTS YOU DON’T TAKE.
No, but seriously: I wish I wasn’t such a dumb idiot about dudes because I have missed out on quite a few because I didn’t take the initiative and call. If you like someone, if you want to see them again: reach out! If they don’t respond, fuck man that sucks but at least you tried! I know it’s tough and awkward and weird but you gotta do it!
Requesting advice, as I have been adopting your attitude recently:
I went on a date with my guy and we had a great time, he mentioned that we should get dinner next time and everything seemed lovely and promising. We texted a little bit a few days later and I suggested going out again. He said he wanted to, but he was having cash flow problems due to a work situation (which I was already aware of) so it would have to wait a few weeks (I had not yet been able to break him of his discomfort with letting me pay). I said that was fine and to let me know when he was able to go out again. That was almost a month ago so I’ve given up, but… should I have reached back out at some point? He seemed embarrassed about the money thing so I didn’t want to be pushy. I guess it’s possible that he was just using a convoluted excuse to get out of going out again but he seemed to genuinely want to at the time.
I think you pretty firmly left the ball in his court. Did this all happen over text? If so, did you send the last text? I feel like you gave him the opportunity to continue things and he chose not to take it, and the reasons don’t really matter.
On the other hand, if you really like him, you don’t have anything to lose by reaching out again.
Yeah, that’s what I thought but I was afraid I was being too wimpy.
Provided you are comfortable with this: invite him over to make dinner. Or do something free/cheap, like coffee and a walk, or free things in your city.
If you still want to see him (which I measure by how frequently I think of the person), just reach out. He’s probably embarrassed, his ego is probably bruised, and if he can’t get over his own shit to go out with a great person who likes him…then probably not worth your time.
I agree with this– it’s possible he’s feeling embarrassed about the money situation, not sure what he could afford, etc.
Back in the olden days when I online dated one of my favorite suggestions was to meet at a local park to go for a walk. 100% free, you have a built-in end to the date when the sun starts to go down if it’s not working, and can always suggest moving the date over to somewhere where you can grab a drink if it is. Every time people (mostly men) bitch about dating costing them a lot, it’s clear to me that they don’t have even smallest ounce of creativity cause “trip to the park” is not even that hard to think of.
So, if money’s the thing, suggest any activity at all that costs nothing.
Ok “nothing” may be an overstatement, cause transportation still costs something, but still.
I’d say invite him over for dinner/drinks/movie at your place of your comfortable with that. I’ve done that before when I was too broke to leave the house.
Definitely give him a How’s it going? Text and see if that leads to talk of going out again
Ok, you know what, fuck it. You guys have inspired me. I will text him today because the worst that could happen is I’ll never see him again, which was going to happen anyway.
Yay! Any results?
Suggest a free activity. Have him come over for a movie and popcorn. Go to the park. Take a walk. See a sight in the city in which you live that is free/very cheap and noteworthy, even if it is just to laugh and mock.
“I’d like to see you. Want to hit up (x park, z, location)?”
“I was going to build a pillow fort and watch (awesome movie) and make some (yummy snack). Are you in?”
If he turns down a pillow fort, honestly, he’s not even worth it. And you should probably set him on fire. Just saying.
I can’t believe I missed this. My heart just opens up and falls onto this like meeting long-lost relatives after a hard journey by sea.
<3 yes to all the things. From the neuroses, to “wow our lives would be perfect together” to “is he dating someone else/is he STILL dating someone else?” to “maybe one day I’ll be cool enough to attract someone. Hopefully.”
I’m dealing with my own going-on-over-a-year pining situation. The first time I’ve ever liked a guy who also wants to be friends with me? It is not fun. I do not recommend.
I hope he wakes up and replies to you, or if not, that someone returns every ounce of your care & affection that you put into even the possibility. 🙂
Also: that man should BE so lucky that you are dreaming about a nice life with him. The world is so full of crap, that one person harboring warm thoughts & visions of a happy future full of good things toward someone else should NOT be on anyone’s list of “aw gee, am I CRAZY?” symptoms.
I DIDN’T GET HIS NUMBER OR HIS FULL NAME.
So far my internet stalking is turning up nothing.
(… also I have a brain gremlin that says if I pursue him, then he’s not that into me and just going along with it to be nice.)
Tell that gremlin to fuck off and DIIIEEEEE.
I’m sorry you didn’t get his number/name 🙁 Maybe go back to the place where you met him and march up to him and say “HEY I WANT TO GET A DRINK WITH YOU.”
I had to get over that same gremlin, and it’s led to a lot more dates! And I’ve gotten positive feedback from some of these gentlemen who really appreciated me being the one to do the approaching. You just need to start an inner mantra of “He should be so lucky!” and eventually you will start to believe it, because it’s true.
On a weekly basis re: my ongoing crush of 6 months when I think he’s ignoring me and decide it’s never going to be. So, yeah.
Summer 2011, working at a Vintage themed music festival. Had a bit of a flirt with a member of a well known (and amazing) acapella group. He gave me his card. I never plucked up the courage to call. I could have had a long and lovely relationship with that tall German singer.
The Wise Guys???
The Swingles. I went to one of their gigs last week and he’s not a member anymore (but they are still awesome). Don’t know the Wise Guys… to YouTube! 😀
The man with the blue eyes and eyelashes that never quit, with whom I spent several drunken evenings without anything ever happening. We were working a short-term gig overseas and, after the last night in town, when he told me I looked like a famous movie star, he went back home to his girlfriend and I never saw him again.
And that’s why, when my husband tells me how much he hates Sandra Bullock, I get unreasonably angry.
I bet your husband hates Sandra Bullock because she’s just not YOU. She looks like you but isn’t you, and it freaks him out, like an uncanny valley thing.
Weirdly relieved to know I’m not the only one who does this. I matched with a guy on Tinder who was nerdy and heart-thumpingly attractive (he looked like Hugh Dancy) and an actor and I was like “yes, this is the one, I’m going to marry this one so hard” and then he never replied to my messages. I was so thirsty that I found him on Facebook without knowing his last name or having any mutual friends (it took hours) and very nearly followed him to an event that his page said he was attending. (There is a restraining order in my future.)
Another perfect OkCupid match and I got as far as exchanging several texts, but after a few days of me being the only one to ever initiate contact I was like “alright if he was into this he’d text me” and he didn’t, so.
You are definitely not the only one who does this. As I swipe right on guys I’m imagining the wedding.
I hate being the only one who initiates. I’m firmly in the “everyone poops, and everyone texts while they poop, ergo, you have no excuse” camp.
I’ve ventured into the world of dating apps in the last few weeks, and for the most part, I get matches and send a message and then don’t hear anything. It’s insanely frustrating. I’m making an effort, but it’s impossible to meet people if you can’t make contact with anyone.
Is this a common phenomenon? I’m starting to get a complex…
See, I do that and then I NOPE THE FUCK OUT OF ALL THAT.
Apparently meeting dudes is too much commitment for me. Which is terrible, since I am super bad at one night stand acquisition.
A. If he was sensible, he would call. Ergo, there’s an imperfection somewhere under the hood that makes him totally unsuitable.
B. If you have the means to contact him, you should do so. 🙂
C. This is spectacularly unhelpful, but as a lady of many neuroses, I will assure you that it is possible to find your lobster, and that you may live quite happily for some indeterminate period of time (possibly forever, but who really knows these things).
I literally still wonder What If? about the first guy who ever said he liked me, in 4th grade. [He gave me a valentine and moved to another state a week later, I have definitely googled him and he is happily married so… good for him?]
Oh God, Matt. We never realized that our 3-year attraction to each other was mutual until just before graduation, by which time I was serious with my future ex-husband. I’ve tried looking him up a few times, but I’ll be damned if I can find him.
It’s so depressing. Even if you get past several dates, everything is perfect, easy conversation, mellow personality, not a narcissist abuser…it doesn’t take long before they’re talking about secret underground government bases, and they’re TERRIBLE in bed. And then you’re glad they just stop calling you.
OH MAN. So. I have typed and then deleted several things already. Sigh.
Just to say: I do this. I have done this.
In non-neurosis news; this post is giving me life http://the-toast.net/2014/02/04/lessons-learned-p…
A thing of beauty and a joy forever.
HELLO. I am facing down a new, improved running/exercise schedule and am in that horrifying phase of training in which the body freaks the fuck out and holds on to all the water weight, so please regale me with stories of That Doesn’t Keep Happening After A Little While, Right?
It does not! It usually takes about 1-2 weeks for me.
I didn’t know this was a thing but now I’m feeling better about the fact that I’ve been on a pretty intense training schedule over the last couple weeks and I still feel all kinds of bloated.
For me it’s taken as long as a month for my body to chill the fuck out and stop retaining water or producing lactic acid or whatever it does in there when I make it do exercise. You’re okay!
Whaaaaaat, that’s a thing? This little bit of info is so unexpectedly reassuring! That explains why I feel so…stomachey.
Yep, your muscles like to be really water-full during recovery, so after hard workouts you’ll retain water. The level at which that really starts to happen varies–everyone is different, everyone’s fitness level is different, etc. but generally, if you’re working harder than is your normal, you’ll see a water weight gain the next day.
I am in the same boat right now except with a side of extreme hunger, all the time, and it is no Bueno. It helps to hear from the rest of the thread that these side effects go away after 1-4 weeks.
I am SO HUNGRY. I ate lunch at noon and at 1:30 I was ready for a snack.
The hunger is definitely real, I get it anytime I do a big uptick in cardio exercise. And the advice to “eat a banana and peanut butter afterwards” is just enough to stave off hangriness until I can manage to acquire all simple carbohydrates within 2 miles of where I end my run/ride/hike.
Whenever I read shit about exercise and they’re like, “oh, when you’re more active you crave healthier foods” I crack up laughing, oh my god. When I’m really active I crave junk food and/or pasta.
I always get SO HUNGRY when I workout and I’m so glad this is normal somehow? And it goes away eventually?
Not really, I mean, you’re burning calories and your body wants you to feed it.
I tried to start running over break until I figured out that the giant snack I needed after every run was nowhere near being burned off by said runs. You are not alone.
Oh! I did not know this was A Thing. I assumed I was just bloated because of my period. This is good to know!
It’s caused by mild inflammation, isn’t it? It’s totally normal and nothing to worry about.
I am so excited for this weekend.
My husband surprised me with a new hot water heater last night (I mean, we’ve been talking about it forever, but he went ahead and bought it and got it installed so it was waiting when I got home) so tonight I’m going to LUSH and then taking my first bath in 3 or 4 years because we’ll finally have enough water to fill the tub
And tomorrow I’m kicking my husband out of the house and inviting my lady friends over for a slumber party and it’s going to be so much fun.
And then we’re hosting an epic super bowl party on Sunday and there’s going to be so much food I might explode.
What exciting things are you doing this weekend?
This all sounds like so much fun, and I’m really excited for you (we just did up our bathroom last year and I had the first bath for about 5 years and it was amazing, so I totally understand the bliss!)
The Super Bowl is taking place about 15 minutes from our apartment and there are going to be lots of road closures plus Super Bowl traffic, so we are treating this weekend like we would if it were a blizzard back East — meaning lots of snacks and couch time. I am so ready to cuddle and eat salsa and play Fallout 4.
Super Bowl Party with my family! Though really we will just be eating snacks, playing D&D, and watching the Puppy Bowl.
I am probably going to an Android: Netrunner tournament on Saturday. This is nominally exciting, but I have been to Android: Netrunner tournaments the last three weekends. And another store just announced one for a week from Saturday. So many tournaments!
I am turning off my alarm for tomorrow morning and sleeping in AS LATE AS I WANT. (I usually work Saturdays, so this is Unimaginable Luxury.) Then I’m performing the Book Compression Algorithm: take old books to used bookstore, sell for store credit, return with slightly fewer books than before. Oh, and finishing up the new Vorkosigan book. Yes.
Aaaaaaahhhh jealous aaaaaahhhhhh! I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday trying to get the new Vorkosigan, and they were SO unhelpful, so even though I wanted to give my money to an actual store (even though it’s B&N) I ordered it online and now I have to WAIT.
That is NONSENSE.
I feel like there were not enough copies of this book in stores and I am not pleased. I took one of two from my B&N; the local bookstore only ordered four all together.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS A NEW VORKOSIGAN (I knew it was in the works but I wasn’t aware it was out)
I am going to a Krav Maga class with my favorite teacher and then I’m taking the rest of the day to finish a project that I have been working on for a very long time (like, over two years) and I’m incredibly excited about it. And then baking garlic pull-apart bread for a Superbowl party!
Your weekend sounds fantastic. I cannot imagine how blissful a new water heater would be – that is incredible.
I am going with a friend to glaze some ceramic bowls we made last weekend so they can be put in the kiln, and attending a free admission day at the Fine Arts museum, and eating a glorious burrito from my favorite burrito place.
I’m doing a cooking class with a big-name chef who cooked with Julia Child and had her own famous restaurant for a while back in the day. I also have two different dates ahhh!
I’m going to a new friend’s house party! We have been gradually moving from acquaintances to friends over the past year and then she invited me to her party and I was really excited to say yes and when I saw her last week she said she was so excited that I said yes. Adult friendships! So hard to find!
Congratulations on the hot water heater! I will also be taking a bath or baths this weekend. My husband and I are living away from home for a year for his job, and the furnished apartment we’re renting has the most amazing whirlpool tub. I feel like I am cheating myself if I don’t use it at least once a week. I’ll probably take one tonight and another on Sunday after I get tired of football.
I bought tickets to Hamilton in December!!!!!! I am so freaking excited to go.
We went for the second time the night the big snow storm started (so, the performance before the one that was canceled), and as we waited to exit, decided that we definitely had to for a third time. So we are, in July. (Never be satisfied, satisfied…)
I realize this is ridiculous, but also, how often does a show like this come along?
This is nothing to all the dirtbag stories shared the other day, but here is my contribution for modern-day dirtbaggery in the life of a 30-something librarian toast reader.
One of my sweeties is a bit odd and has a blood pressure cuff, and last night he stuck it on me while I was minding my own business reading. My systolic was under 90 (it’s supposed to be around/under 120).
He freaked out. Tried it again, same. The other arm, same.
Meanwhile I know perfectly well I have low BP and that without any other symptoms, it’s not significant. So I start revving up my inner dirtbag because he is freaking the fuck out and I have a lot of pent up annoyance at him for ignoring his migranes and refusing to wear sunscreen despite his dad having a ton of melanomas removed.
OMG THIS EXPLAINS WHY YOU’RE SO TIRED
*eye roll*
YOU HAVE ALL THESE SYMPTOMS
not really bro
THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE DEPRESSIONS
whateva
WE NEED TO INCREASE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
bacon
THIS ISN’T A JOKE
*to other sweetie* did I tell you my joke about trampolines? they used to be called jumpolines until his mom jumped on one
Aren’t you lucky he was daring enough to measure your blood pressure, a procedure that is in no way a routine part of every single goddamn office appointment?
I don’t know if Goomaly is American but I’m pretty sure the average Unidense has an office appointment probably less than once in their life.
yikes! I go in every other year so they can make sure there’s nothing weird growing on my lady parts, and my employer has one of those programs where they check your vitals every year. So my blood pressure is completely covered.
But even if you show up in the ER crying blood they will still take your BP. Pretty much any time you go to a doctor and they have 5 minutes they take your BP, if there is a limb to attach the cuff to.
I mean it’s kindof cute that he’s taking it so seriously, but on the other hand, he wasn’t terribly concerned about my mood issues (which have been very bad) until I stuck my stupid arm in a stupid machine? so, you know…
*skateboards offstage* KISS MY ASS
Americans are (mostly rightly) OBSESSED with high blood pressure, but I have a friend whose parents are German and she has low blood pressure, which is apparently a German thing, and there are medications available in Germany to raise your blood pressure. We’ve had people stop by our table in restaurants to chide her for salting her food, and she’s like, “Excuse me, if I don’t do this I will pass out, not that’s it’s any of your business.” I don’t think the average American is even aware that normally low blood pressure is a possible thing; as far as we’re concerned, the only options are correct (and I use the word advisedly) or too high.
I had a friend who used to get upset with me when I salted my food – at all, like, if I put any salt on it whatsoever – because her systolic was routinely over 150. In contrast, my resting blood pressure is something like 80/56 and I am convinced that my extreme salt consumption is the only reason I can stand up. As it is I’m prone to falling over if I stand up too quickly. Getting out of bed is sometimes an adventure.
Saaaaame. I can hit about 110 systolic with effort. I take a beta blocker for migraines, which makes the whole thing hilarious. My poor body is in shambles.
Wait, is that a German-heritage or diet thing? Cause I have a German background and low blood pressure! Tell me more.
Whoa! I also have low blood pressure, which I inherited from my mother, who is half German! That’s so interesting.
A-Camp thread? Who is going? Who has advice for first-timers? Who else is chanting “lesbian summer camp” over and over under their breath?
Wear good shoes, there is a lot of walking and impromptu hiking opportunities. Don’t be afraid to walk up to people or join them at meals and introduce yourself, everyone is super nice. There is no internet and very little phone coverage so write down people’s names so you can find them on Facebook/Twitter/Whatever after you get off the mountain. And have fun!
I’m thinking about it! I have few queer friends (*sniff*) and none of those few are interested/have the finances for A-Camp. So I’m nervous about going alone. I know I should put on my ninja turtle undies and be a big girl and make friends all by myself, but I have to admit that I’m nervous. Advice?
I’m in the same boat. I’ll be your toast buddy if you do go!
Okay, I put my name on the waitlist! Thanks for the support 🙂 🙂 🙂
I went last year by myself, not knowing anyone, and I was really worried about it but it turned out to be so much fun. You’ll be assigned to a cabin, so if you aren’t good at putting yourself out there (like me!) you’ll already have kind of a built-in circle to hang out with via your cabinmates. You’ll also have a sister cabin nearby, and last year they assigned sister cabin/camp alumni buddies to all the folks who hadn’t been to camp before. I was also lucky enough to have Heather Hogan and Mey Rude as my cabin leaders, and they are the best and nicest people and made me feel right at home, but cabin leaders have varying levels of interaction with their cabins.
Anyway, I’m gonna second the advice upthread: don’t be afraid to introduce yourself—everyone’s super nice! And you’re only there for a few days. By the fourth day I was walking up to groups of people and introducing myself or parking at a table with a pack of cards and inviting people to play games at random, but I really wish I had done that from the beginning. It makes it a lot more fun.
Having camp buddies can also be pretty key for us introverts though.
me: “I kind of want to check out Klub Deer but I am waaayy too shy/anxious to just start dancing, will you come with me and can we just like, stand by the wall together for a little bit?”
my camp buddies: “yeah nerd, let’s go.”
This is all fantastic advice, thanks!
it’s right up the hill from me so I should probably look into it…
I put myself deliberately on the waitlist, because I’m not sure if I can afford it yet, but I’m really hoping I can, since I couldn’t last year.
WANT.
Fanfic thread!
What are you reading/writing/enjoying this week?
Me, I’ll be re-reading Chash’s Miss Atomic Bomb series, because I’ve spent half the week talking about Tamora Pierce on Twitter. It’s a Tortall modern AU with genderqueer!Alanna, bar owner!George, bisexual!Jon and TA!Numair who has a crush on undergrad!Daine. It’s super great and I just love modern AUs so much rn it hits a sweet spot for me.
I’m re-reading “Least of all possible mistakes” because I needed the fuzzies that it gives me.
YESSSSSSSSSS. That is my favoritest fic ever (okay, tied with a Hermione/Snape one in which Hermione overthrows Headmistress Molly Weasley) and I re-read it frequently. It’s my go-to for travelling reading and for when I wake up in the middle of the night crying for no reason. It is a seriously soothing read.
(Also in the soothing re-read category: “Nature and Nurture”, in which Mycroft discovers someone has accidentally cloned Sherlock.)
Really sweet MCU-compliant Bucky/Nat romance
OOOOOH I need to read this later…
I’m rereading Copperbadge’s Stealing Harry series. It’s like comfort food.
I did those recently and now I am reading all her (is she a she?) other HP ones.
I’m pretty sure Copperbadge is a dude.
Copperbadge is in fact a guy!
Thankyou for clarification!
Honestly, I got into the MCU/Avengers canon because I read some of Copperbadge’s Avengers fic first.
The actual facts only reason I got into Doctor Who fandom is because I wanted to read Copperbadge’s fic.
Omg I needed this in my life and I didn’t even know it, ahhhhh
Oh man, I introduced the fanfiction friday archive on topless robot (which apparently is not topless robot anymore? huh…) to My Academics on monday and we’ve been gleefully cringing through that – Tiny Hermione may still be my favourite.
Other than that I must admit to being completely stuck in the Lewis fandom (a tiny grandma-esque crime series spin-off, they’ve got wayyy too much pretty Oxford!architecture and whimsical classical score), which is my new go-to-place for all the “accidental!bed!sharing” or “undercover!as!gay” fic I’ll ever want. Curtain fic warms my heart. It’s been a tough week.
(Btw, I *gladly* take recs for aforementioned tropes or similar fluff – make it saccharine, vanilla, and tensionless?)
Topless Robot… That takes me back! There was one where Goku from Dragonball Z saved Anne Frank, I think? Also one where Curious George killed Hitler? If they weren’t the same one? Those are the fanfiction fridays I choose to remember, as opposed to all the depraved and very wrong ones, which I have wiped from my brain and never ever think about.
I am currently in a Gilmore Girls spiral because of the revival beginning filming, but since it’s a pretty small fandom whose show ended like, a billion years ago, truly quality fic is a little more difficult to find. But I’m at the point where I don’t care, haha. *refreshes Rory/Jess tag on AO3 shamelessly*
Also, this incredible fic that’s a look at the Stormtrooper revolution that Finn’s defection sparks: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5798602/chapters…
It’s messy and dark and clever and I CANNOT GET ENOUGH.
I really wish there were more good GG fanfic.
Back in the day, I was pretty involved in the GG fandom–wrote a few fics, read all the big ones, etc–and then I got to college and the show left air, and LiveJournal imploded, and suddenly: where are all the good GG fics??
I’m really hoping the filming of the revival sparks some fic activity…
There’s a really good Rory/Paris fic I read a while back. One of the few that actually gets the tone/writing of the show right. lmk if you want me to link back to it
That would be awesome! I was just telling a friend of mine that my list of Rory’s Acceptable Love Interests reads like this:
1. Jess
1. Paris
2. Books
3.
Here it is! It’s a fake-dating fic where Paris is arguing with Michele Bachmann on TV and outs herself as a lesbian in a long-term relationship with Rory. And then there’s a reality show. And of course they aren’t really dating.
Fake-dating is such a great trope. Thank you!
I have been reading have you heard and my reaction at the end of each chapter is basically inarticulate screaming. It’s amazing.
I’m reading starfishstar’s ‘Raise Your Lantern High’, an awesome HBP-era Remus/Tonks fic. It’s a sequel to this fic, which I also really liked.
Did I already mention The Rec Center on an OT fanfic thread? Apologies if so. It’s just SO GREAT!
oooh, subscribed!
I’m gonna do a recommendation list for them! Woohoo!
I’m still stuck in the deepest depths of my KOTOR replaying feelings. The Enemy of your Enemy (is still occasionally your enemy) is one of the best from that fandom I’ve ever read.
I have just gotten into the Flash fandom because Cisco! And of course, there is so very very little Cisco fic that my heart breaks. I’m writing my own to compensate, but I will take any grain of any kind of Cisco if you’ve got it.
Well, since you ask, I just posted a goofy Imperial Radch/Drunk History crossover: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5893840
That was funny and believable and also sad, poor Tisarwat, but yay for the ship bringing her tea!
Ahh that was perfect!
I mainlined Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries on Netflix. It’s a whodunit in 1920s Australia with great acting, gorgeous costuming, a sexually positive female protagonist (seriously, Phryne gives me LIFE), and some fairly scorching UST. I got hooked and ended up buying the DVD of S3, and wouldn’t you know it ends on a cliffhanger?
Luckily for me, fic holds the answer. A Series of Optical Illusions by Fahye is exactly what I wanted, a post-S3 casefic with great voices and a costume party too.
I was completely bowled over by counterfog’s The God Abandons Antony. It’s so well-written and so unapologetically filthy. And it has a shocking number of literary references, so many that the author wrote annotations that are longer than the fic itself!
If anyone else has Miss Fisher recs, I’d accept them gratefully!
Yessss, Miss Fisher! I’m pretty sure there are a bunch of Toasts obsessed with that show, so some may have better/more thorough recs than I do, but definitely check out anything by gaslightgallows on AO3. Everything she writes is great.
Thanks so much for the rec, I see I have 47 potential favourites to consume! I can’t wait!
I love the Miss Atomic Bomb series! It’s freakin’ adorable and I’m glad other people like it too.
A) this au sounds lovely – ah Alanna and everybody. B) the Walking Dead. I watched it in a few slow binges with big breaks. I don’t even like it? I like it. Started combing ao3 for stuff that isn’t mega shippy bc I’m just not there yet. Noodling out a few ideas on paper. The thing is like, everyone is so traumatized and covered in gross zombie guts and undealt-with grief and they never stop and I. Ugh.
I’ve been writing a Mad Max fanfic for… oh, jeez, 6 months? And I surpassed 50k – I’m really proud of myself for writing so much, for so long, with such regularity! And I’m still into it! I’m writing it right now!
I’m re-reading 3:10 to Yuma fanfics because the author of some of the best ones is going to be at a con I’m going to this summer. May or may not gush over her writing if/when I meet her!
If you are posting it on AO3, there is a high chance I have been reading and enjoying it, so thank you! (If you are not, thank you anyway; more Mad Max fanfic is always a good thing.)
I am posting it on AO3! If you are reading it, I really hope you’re liking it! The MMFR fandom is amazing and there are so many great fics.
I usually do NOT like modern AUs at all, but I might have to make an exception for this…
I just reread most of “Next Big Thing” by earlgreytea68 (Inception AU, Eames/Arthur, ongoing adorableness)
and then reread Closer’s “The New Deal” (Suits, gen)
and am now reading Miss Atomic Bomb!
Ahhhhh I used to love earlgreytea68’s Chaosverse and was sooooo sad when she stopped writings Whofic in favor of Sherlock and Inception stories (I’m not super into those fandoms, tragically)
I didn’t know she wrote in Doctor Who!!! WELP.
I was about to say, “I know that name!” – the Chaosverse was great.
My husband and I are closing on our house today! I’m so nervous/excited! We did our final walkthrough last night, and the owner’s daughter had left us a really lovely note, and every time I think about it I get a little misty because it’s a house they lived in and loved for 40 years, and filled with family, and now it’s going to be where we live, and where we raise a family, and enjoy with our friends, and it’s all just so big, and wonderful!
Yay! Congrats!
Aaahhhhhhh so great! Happy new house, new memories, new life!
CONGRATS!
Congratulations! We just bought one and we’re both still walking around it like “this is ours, we have a house” and it doesn’t quite feel real yet.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! We close on Monday! And I have a HUGE interview today. I am feeling so many emotions at once I think I’m getting sick.
Congratulations! That is such a sweet thing for her to do.
Finances Thread!
Below the jump!
I’m changing it up this week. I realized adding my credit card payments to my expenses was basically double-spending, so instead I’m using my credit card INTEREST in my expenses and making a separate category for paying back money already spent.
Yes? Yes. Okay.
Income: $595.31
Expenses: $161.18
Credit card repayment: $156.00
Total credit card debt: $19,936.99 <— down from last week!
I’m pretty proud of that week. I didn’t make a ton of money because it’s an off paycheck week, but I made some, and stayed ahead of my expenses. Most of my expenses were food-related, and I’m probably going to have to take a hard look at what i spend on food at some point, but we’re going one step at a time here, and that’s not where I’m at yet.
I’ve been loving Simple’s envelope system, and the Goals. I have all 6 credit cards (I knooooowwww! SIX!) up there and it boots a little bit from my “Safe to Spend” amount in every day. So one credit card payment is, like, $3 a day, which is much more bearable, somehow, than $60 a month.
Goals for this week: I have a lot of freelance income coming in, so while I’m relying on my paycheck to meet my minimum payments, I’m hoping to put an extra $1200 toward paying off debt, which will wipe out one of my cards completely. Keep your fingers crossed I can pull it off.
I love Simple’s envelopes so much!
I did a credit card consolidation loan through Lending Club, which has worked out very well for me. It’s pretty easy to set up, and I got a pretty reasonable interest rate. (I’m a few months from paying it off). Might be worth looking into!
Apart from the advantages of knowing it will be paid off by [x] date, it’s a lot easier to have one payment automatically withdrawn (instead of making a bunch of separate payments for multiple cards).
My credit got shot to shit over the last year, sadly, so I’m concerned I can’t get a loan until I pay off some of this debt, and seeing if I can get alone dings my credit even more, so … yeah.
One of the dings is a recent hospital bill that I think actually goes away if I pay it because of a change in the way medical bills are treated vs. other types of debt on your credit report. But I have to make sure I’m paying it off in exactly the right way to give me the best chance of having that removed from my credit report, and all I can find are “experts” which are scam companies who just send dispute letters I could send myself. I need a real lawyer who can tell me what the law says and what I ought to do next.
Gotcha. Some cities have non-profit credit counseling centers that are actually non-profit and legit, though I could imagine it might be tricky weeding them out from all the charlatans. I have heard very good things about the legit ones, though.
Unrelated to actually making progress, but I made a bunch of charts at the beginning of the year to track my monthly income, expenses, and credit card debt, and I actually USED them over the weekend of the 31st. I printed out all my credit card statements for my records, and I tallied up all the interest I’m paying on my cards and the fees I paid being late last month, and I’m tracking those too.
I also bought a chalkboard and taped all my credit cards to it with the amount I owe next to them, which serves the dual purpose of keeping my credit cards out of my wallet and giving me a visual on progress, which works well for me.
One wall of my office is basically devoted to my debts at this point, and I like it. It looks neat and organized and as if I’m in control of this, which is not how I feel most of the time about it. It’s making me feel like I might actually be able to get my taxes done on time.
I got my federal tax return today! I split it into thirds – 1/3 to checking, 1/3 to savings, 1/3 to fuck-off-fund.
I’ve gotten really bad about packing lunches. I go to my office cafeteria, which is cheaper than a lot of restaurants but still more expensive than just nomming leftovers I brought from home. My goal is to start packing lunches more.
I highly recommend packing the night before for leftovers, and then hanging something large and absurd on the front doorknob so you remember you meant to bring them. That way you won’t wind up thinking “I don’t have time to pack it” because it’s already packed, and you will get into the new habit of throwing that packed lunch into your bag because of your handy reminder.
I used a very bright pink stuffed bear my partner got me as a joke three Valentine’s Days ago. He was effective.
That’s a great idea! Thanks. 🙂
This is literally the best way to handle a tax return, congrats!!
I pack my lunch the night before, and I have two lunch bags. I use the one my lunch isn’t in as my reminder device. I also have gotten in the habit of packing leftover dinner into lunch size portions instead of glomming it all into one big container that needs to be re-addressed later. I’m single so I end up putting some soups or casseroles into the freezer for later on so I don’t have to eat the same thing all week long (it’s OK if you like to do that but I don’t always).
Not a good week here. Had to move some money out of savings to pay the credit card bill even though partner assured me it would be fine. I am honestly so tired of finances being so very tight.
In other news, partner has been looking into applying for a balance transfer credit card. We talked about it some last night and it seems like a good time — I’ve had my only card for over three years now, and no other credit checks or other things that would affect my credit since then. What do you guys think?
I’ve done this, and if you can make the minimum payments without fail, it’s a good option. The downside of 0% interest cards is that if you are late on a payment by so much as an hour, your interest rate will hike to 28.99% or something ridiculous like it. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah we have all of our bills set up to pay automatically and have never had an issue, so I think we would be fine doing that. We haven’t had any late payments in, gosh, years and years, which is AMAZING for us.
I don’t think it is a bad idea if you are disciplined about on time payments, and resist charging more stuff to the card with the higher interest. I’ve done it a couple of times. Most of those transfer cards charge a fee for the initial transfer (typically 2-5% of the total). Calculate how much the fee will be for the amount you plan to transfer, and find out how long the zero (or low) interest rate lasts. Then compare that to how much interest you are paying each month on the current card.
For example, let’s say the transfer fee will be $300, and you’ll have 0% interest for 18 months. If you are currently paying $50/month in interest, that means that after 6 months you are even, and then you get 12 months where you are effectively SAVING $50/month.
It shouldn’t adversely affect your credit rating as long as you don’t put back a balance on the higher rate card. There’s a tiny ding for applying for more credit, but that’s balanced by having more available credit and not utilizing all of it.
I do have to sit down and do the math. I haven’t been happy with my current credit card for a while though — I didn’t do any comparison shopping before I got it because I needed it for work, so I just went and got a Capital One card because I was worried my not-terrific credit would be an issue. Now, though, I’m not getting as many rewards as I could be, my interest rate is pretty high, etc. etc. So this may be a really good time to just fix all of that.
if you haven’t done it yet, just know that sometimes you can have negotiating power. i imagine they’re tighter on it now, post-2008, but back when i was in debt and balance transfer cards were kind of a new thing, you could call them up and tell them what you would transfer if they waived the transfer fee, and sometimes they would. worth a shot!
I did my taxes this week and got basically no refund whatsoever, which I’m super grumpy about! I was gonna do stuff with that money, sigh, whatever.
BUT I also did the most math in one go since college calculus last Saturday and figured out exactly how much I can spend frivolously each week, and still put a tiny bit of my paycheck into savings, and have enough for everything else that costs money.
Now I just have to stick to that plan, which is the hard part, and I’m already doing not great. Not awful, but not great. Ugh.
My withholding at work is pretty accurate, so I usually get (like) $20 back.
I know it’s better to have it that way for a bunch of perfectly sound, mature financial reasons, but it’s still very disappointing!
I was doing okay until the middle of this week, but Wednesday was bonkers stressful – had to be up at 5 am to give a presentation at work at 7 am and I’m terrified of public speaking. I was too anxious to eat anything all day and was pretty crazy by the time I left work, which put me in the “screw it I deserve something nice!!” mindset. “Something nice” turned out to be too many fancy coconut margaritas and upscale Mexican food. 5 days into the month and I’ve used more than half of what Mint has budgeted for restaurants. No bueno.
I got paid today and I’m just gonna get credit card bills and utilities taken care of right now so I don’t accidentally spend that money. That’ll leave me with ~$500 to split between groceries, public transportation, misc. spending, and part of the cost of a plane ticket to visit my partner this summer! (credit card miles are covering most of the ticket cost.) Should be fine as long as I’m not an idiot. Maybe I can even put some into my neglected savings account.
If you put money in savings now, will its absence from your checking balance prevent you from spending it? Or will you just transfer it back later? Because if it will help you to not spend, transfer that money now! 🙂
I am currently feeling frustrated by my spending choices and feeling a need to lock. it. down. in my budgets. I track with Mint, and I want to cut my grocery spending pretty significantly right now, and I want to save more, and I am just failing at that right now. I’ve been traveling a lot lately, and maybe I could blame that, but after this weekend’s trip to see my grandparents I need to just do better at all of this.
Well, I got my tax return, so yay! I’m using it right now to get right side up with all of my bills, basically making it so that they get paid with the paycheck that is BEFORE they are due, not after. I’d been making my mortgage payment 15 days late every month for like the past year, but no more!
So by next pay, I’ll have a better idea of how much mad money will actually be left over for slightly frivolous purchases.
I want a new computer, and a new couch, and carpet for my bedroom, and a treadmill for my dog, but I can really only afford ONE thing. I’ll probably get the dog treadmill, since I’m also probably getting suckered into getting a puppy, so I think I’ll need it the most :/ I’m totally not getting the couch or carpet if I’m getting a puppy.
But! Savings rules are still a thing, I have over $150 in savings, which is on track, so long as I don’t get greedy and use it for one of my wishlist items that I can *almost* afford.
I was bad too, I spent almost $100 on tea and tea related paraphernalia at my favorite cafe, and then I spent almost another $100 on fancy dog collars from 2 Hounds Design, because I’m awful. But they’re so pretty! I’m having puppy cravings and it’s awful (and my dog is annoyed, she leaves the room cause I’m baby talking to her and paying her too much attention and she’s all like “I love you too but I need my space.”) and all of the cute puppy posts here don’t help! Someone remind me about how much trouble puppies are!
I feel like this entire post was only slightly on topic.
Puppies are a lot of trouble and expense! Please don’t get a puppy until you get your finances under better control. Maybe in a year from now?
This week was pretty good financially, and BF and I have set aside some time to talk about what’s going to happen when I stop getting my grad fellowship in June. I spent the week thinking about everyone’s comments last week re: getting married for insurance purposes, and I’m going to float that as one potential option. If it’s something we plan to do anyway…
Next on my list is taxes. This year will be pretty complicated since I have wages, non-wage income (fellowship), and freelance income from two different states. I’m debating just handing it over to a professional, since the last time I tried to negotiate Turbotax with fellowships and scholarships I messed it up terribly. I guess it’s a small investment for not being audited, but I definitely feel like having someone else do your taxes is something that people with a lot more money than me do.
I feel your pain. I have independent contractor compensation (which apparently I was supposed to be paying quarterly taxes on, so I also need to calculate penalty fees), and then w2s from four jobs, a 1098 for tuition, and some interest income.
Late to the party, but I need to vent, so.
I am someone relatively on top of money, and yet, the fact that as an independent contractor for one of my (several) jobs this year, I was required to pay quarterly taxes? Yeah, that one slipped by me, and my taxes are going to be SO BAD this year because it’ll be what I thought I would owe + a penalty because apparently I was supposed to be paying it all along, and just….gah.
Anyone have a tax person/place in the greater Boston area you want to recommend to me?
Crafts thread! What are you working on right now, Toasties?
I have only one sleeve to go on the cardigan I’m making! So exciting. I’m also pattern testing a colorwork beret for my brother’s girlfriend. It’s really gorgeous but definitely the most challenging colorwork I’ve ever attempted.
Hot damn, that’s nice. I’m making socks until the yarn for my knitting group kal comes in. Fingering weight on size ones, for those times when you want to knit for an hour an achieve no visible progress
That’s also the gauge for this hat! Progress is made even slower because I’m working with three (!!!!!) color strands at once. And I need to check the chart every thirty seconds to make sure I’m not fucking up. Last week I made a gigantic error and didn’t realize it until four rounds later. SIGH.
I considered anybody who attempts colorwork to be a hero of our times.
That is ruddy bloody impressive and no mistake. You are a wool wizard. Hats off.
That looks AMAZING. I just finished some mittens and haven’t decided what to do next.
That’s gorgeous! I think I am going to try paper cutting for the first time to make my SO a kick ass valentine. Would welcome tips if anyone has done this!
That is so pretty!!
I’m currently working on a My Favourite Things Infinity Scarf and it’s coming along well! I am at work so I cannot upload pictures but I highly recommend it as a way to practice colourwork and/or use up those little bits of leftover yarn you can’t really use for anything.
Oh wow, that pattern is amazing! It is definitely going to my queue.
I haven’t started it yet, but I’m planning on making a nice wool shirt for my dad’s birthday. My mom sent me two patterns that she has used in the past and they are a delight!
Those illustrated men know how to pose.
Dang, that’s impressive.
I’m working on silly sca garb lately. I made a list and prioritized it. It begins with a hood and ends with trousers, so that’s my life right now.
Making the Bray Cap, finally NAILED the tubular cast-on. Beautiful colorwork, looks like fun!
I’m finishing up Cordova, another Brooklyn Tweed pattern, and it’s the first time I’ve used a tubular cast-on. It’s WITCHCRAFT. The whole time I was like “what’s happening, I don’t know what’s happening, oh god I think I’m destroying everything” and then you miraculously have a really beautiful cast on edge? I still don’t get it?
It’s amazing, innit? I made a different BT pattern that also had the tubular cast on and it was a wonder.
It took my five tries to understand tubular. I frogged that hat FIVE TIMES. Now I’m going to use it on every single hat ever because it’s so beautiful. Did you have to tweak the Brooklyn Tweed circular cast-on a bit? Mine kept being off on the 1×1 ribbing and I feel like that’s what threw me off.
I have yet to attempt the tubular cast-on – is it difficult to learn?
To be honest I had a lot of trouble with it, but I think it’s just my learning style. It seems like many people use the Brooklyn Tweed patterns to learn it, and there are a ton of different tutorials online. There’s several different ways to approach it, so I guess it’s just finding the one that works for you?
I finished this
fine young lady earlier this week, intending to sell her, and now am unwilling to part with her for any amount of money.
I got about 80% of the way through a doll last night and decided I didn’t want to finish her. She’s a rough draft of a doll with limb difference, and I think I want to go another way.
She is so unbelievably precious!
Cuuuute!
I’m in the middle of my first attempt at salvaging an old sweater for yarn. I have wanted to do this for a while but until last week I could never find the right sweater. Then the other day I’m looking through the men’s section at goodwill and find a practically new XL sweater in 100% silk for $1. I have to share this because I am still so goddamned excited about it. It’s a pretty shade of blue, fingering weight, and I only ruined a little bit of it trying to take out the seams. Now I have a huge ball of silk just waiting for the right project. ONE DOLLAR.
*much jealous*
I’m supposed to be making a square for a group blanket for a friend whose mother is ill. … I should probably order the yarn. I have not had any knitting mojo for a while now 🙁
I’m so close to being done with my second-ever knitting project. It’s a three-skein bulky seed stitch cowl and it’s monstrous and I want it ON ME already
I am crocheting BB8!
That is adorable! (scurries off to Ravelry to find a pattern for a knitted version)
So cute!!!!!!!!
I don’t have any pictures of it, but I just bound off an Omena vest (in just one color, a dark wine-red). It needs a blocking, but I tried it on and it looked GOOD. I’m already excited to wear it next week.
Tonight, I’m taking part in a knitting marathon for charity! 24 hours of knitting, and I have a slot from 10 PM to midnight (or longer if there are still snacks left). Will post pics.
Gorgeous!
I finished my first quilt this week! Just two-person-lap sized but I’m pretty pleased with it. The quilting took forever so here is a closeup.
Oh beautiful! Very impressive for your first quilt! Lovely quilting too. I always love how quilting looks on white. Did you machine quilt it or hand quilt it? I’ve never used a quilting sewing machine, but they look fun. I do hand quilting and it takes forever too, but it’s soothing work.
(This is the same person but I can’t get intensedebate to log me out of my wordpress account, so annoying!)
It’s machine quilted, but just on my regular machine with a lot of squishing. There’s a shop near me that offers lessons and rental time on their long-arm quilter, which would probably be amazing, but it’s a lot more money than I’m willing to throw at this hobby just yet.
Same here, with the local shop and their machine. That is really tidy work for regular machine squishing. Well done!
PS – I really like that one stray green triangle in the bottom right. Are they batik? I love batiks. If you wash it, be sure to throw some color-catcher sheets in the wash. I just washed a quilt that had really bleedy fabric (even though I had prewashed!) and it turned my whites all pink. (It’s in this thread, below.) But the batik quilting fabrics I’ve used have been really well behaved.
I just finished sewing my first shirt that I feel like doesn’t look SUPER handmade – like there are plenty of things that I can still point at, but the seams aren’t super wonky, it fits well, etc. My dude complimented me on it and didn’t even realize I made it!
I’m also blocking a sweater that I’ve been working on forever and I’m so impatient to be done. I’ve spent so long working on it that I keep reminding myself it’s worth it to finish the right way, but I just want to not have to seam and block and just have it magically be completed.
I AM IMPRESS. My one adventure with colorwork has not turned out well – huge gaps between colors and the pattern in the second color is all bumpy. 🙁
Very late, but I’m getting really close on my Donkey Kong arcade cross-stitch, which I’ve been working on for ages.
THAT IS SO COOL
I’m making a quilt! I just finished this one, which I call Rainbow Quilt, and that wasn’t enough so I immediately started Rainbow Quilt 2.
Oh my god that is gorgeous. I could easily see it hanging in a modern art gallery!
Thank you so much! It’s very happy.
HELLO after my jar-peeing antics on the last cocktail hour I can confirm that I AM WELL and all the weirdness has settled down! Yay! (in a comment for the curious)
AND we got to confess our secret poet sex fantasies!
In other news this week has just been… so exhausting… people make me tired… A million tiny things happened that are individually nothing but together they all me want to become a hermit and talk only to my potplants.
I’m going to have a large gin now.
Guys, it was just vicious thrush. Oops. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t realise. But it was horrible, and because it coincided with hormonal changes that messed with my BC and caused the 3 month bleeding and pain thing I assumed it was all related? But it was actually just two separate issues that stacked up to make me think I had cervical cancer. But it’s all better now! My body thanked me by giving me an actual period, just to remind me how FUN they can be!
Ugh, vaginas.
So glad it wasn’t cancer! Also, yes, I am not on the vagina cheerleading squad myself at the mo’. Solidarity.
The New York Historical Society just sent out their list of lectures and among them was GRANDMOTHER POWER.
“As more Baby Boomers become grandparents, a ‘new American grandmother’ is appearing: one who takes the powerful, life-changing influence and channels it into her life’s work. Through interviews with grandmothers in power and her own personal experience, award-winning reporter Lesley Stahl investigates the transformative experience of becoming a grandmother.”
I’m far from being a grandmother but really interested in how feminists are redefining traditional roles. Does anyone know/have any powerful grandmothers, or have a specific goal for how to be one? Has anyone heard any talks or read any literature on how being a grandmother is empowering?
My own grandmothers were not remotely feminists; but one day, while my grandfather was at work, my father’s mother went and bought a HOUSE for the family because she was tired of waiting for him to make up his mind. Giant steps for a 1950s housewife.
My mom’s mother, my Grammy, put off getting married for a hot second because she was enjoying her work as a stewardess so very very much.
She did, of course, get married, and being a pretty normal 1950s Catholic household, she had eight kids. My mom is the second-oldest of the clan.
When the youngest were in grade school, Grammy divorced my grandfather and bought a house for herself, then got a job as a bank teller and raised her kids as a single mom.
By the time she retired, she was a senior vice president of the bank where she’d started out as a teller in the late 1960s. No college education, a literal passel of children, and no damn man.
After her retirement, she got so bored that she worked with her former bank to open and run a branch in a local retirement home, which she did for about ten years and enjoyed thoroughly.
She lives in a retirement home herself now, but she’s spunky as all fuck. A few years ago, MrChouffe brought her to see me in a play that had every content warning in the book and she had an absolute blast. She met and fell in love with a man (he’s since died, sadly) in her community. She’s had a hell of a life and she’ll be 90 in two months.
Your Grammy sounds amazing.
I don’t know, that’s pretty badass that she found a way to even be allowed to do that. (by the sellers and stuff who didn’t make her wait for her husband’s permission)
My grandmother is also not a feminist but when my grandfather died 25 years ago, she was still young-ish (in her 60s) so family started asking her if she’d start dating again. She said, “I took care of a man for my entire life [they married when she was 17]; I’m never doing it again!” If that’s not a condemnation of unappreciated emotional labor, I don’t know what is.
I used to work a lot in nursing homes and SO MANY WOMEN said things like this to me. I think it really impacted what I was looking for in a partner.
Yeah same here. They also had 17 children which I’m sure had something to do with feeling unappreciated as well.
When I told my therapist that I had no desire to be coupled – in some kind of a relationship with a partner perhaps, but not the typical live together-make life decisions together-maybe get married thing – she said she had heard from many older women whose husbands had passed that if they could do it over again, they’d have stayed single. Seems like a lot of women end up feeling this way. I feel lucky to live in a time where I can make that choice with very little fanfare.
My grandmothers weren’t really feminists, but my mom is now a Grandmother and it’s really interesting to see how she’s really feminist about it (Granddaddy can paint his nails, too, if he wants! Girls can cut their hair short, that’s not just for boys!) And she really places her activism in the context of “marching so that, one day, her grandchild won’t have to.” But in some ways, she’s a little less feminist than I remember her from my childhood.
For example: barbies were banned in our house until my sister got one as a gift and my mom finally had to give up and let us play with them. And we weren’t given pink, sparkly, “girly” stuff until we got older and picked it out. But when my niece was born, it was VERY IMPORTANT that my mom buy her a pink tutu. She placed a weird amount of important on buying that kid a tutu. When I was like, “Where is this coming from?” she said, “it’s a southern grandmama thing.”
My grandmother went back to school at the age of 47 because her husband had secretly, ashamedly, gotten so far behind on the mortgage that the house was almost in foreclosure. She walked at least a mile each way in a brand new long skirt that she bought for the occasion. I don’t know what degree she got, but I do know that she worked happily in assisted living until she was basically forced to retire (retirement! Our foremothers had that! It was a thing!) in her late seventies. Sadly, she wasn’t very good at being a retired person. Too active.
Also, I <3 this thread. Badass grandmothers for life!
Does anyone (particularly NYC-based women attempting to date men) have experience with Match.com? I am ~back on the market :-/ 🙁 ¯_(ツ)_/¯~ after a few years, and EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. I’m back on OKCupid, which is what I used to use/where I met my now ex-boyfriend, but that was before Tinder/other swipe apps existed, and it feels like I’m not getting as many non-terrible messages as I used to, possibly because there are a bazillion apps and people are more into swiping right than writing actual human messages? This could also have to do with the fact that I’m now 29, not 25, but who knows. Anyway, my roommate is having similar experiences, and we’re both contemplating signing up for Match with hopes that dudes on there will be more likely to be humans. Thoughts/experiences/opinions/feeeeelings welcomed!
Also, please enjoy this message that I recently received from an OKCupid suitor. And please note that I do not have bangs:
“Hi there! I’m curious- do you by chance ever repeatedly attempt to tuck the longest of your bangs behind your ears? If so, do you merely push them back or do you grab them and deliberately guide them around your ear? I couldn’t help but notice how unbelievably gorgeous you’d look in the act of doing the latter ;)”
WHATTTTTTT that message!!!
UH HUH. This is the gravity of my situation.
oh I literally shuddered reading that message
ME TOO. HELP.
I just tilted my head to the right as far as it could possibly go.
Did you merely tilt it to the right, or did you grab it deliberately and guide it to the right? 😉
which would be sexier for you? 😉
Tilt my head so far to the right that it falls off and I no longer have to read OKCupid messages, please!
That message is…just…wow. Huh. It kind of reminds me of that MeFi thread about buying a girl a banjo because she’d look so beautiful playing it beneath a tree.
No experience with Match (my brother did meet his wife on there 6 years ago, but a good friend has had zero luck), however another good friend is having a lot of luck with eHarmony. I’m on OKC and I do not like it. I don’t really know what I’m doing wrong but the messages I get are terrible, the messages I send aren’t getting responses, and the only IRL people hitting on me are friends ex-boyfriends :(((((
Over/under that the message sender is actually the Banjo Man?
Nobody responds to my messages on there either! And they’re decently thoughtful/in complete English sentences/contain questions pertaining to information in the recipients’ profiles! I’d say 99 percent of the messages I get just say, “Hi” or “Hey.” IT’S HARD OUT THERE.
One of two messages I have ever recieved was a lone “Hi”. Which is especially galling because I have a 2500 word profile full of possible opening conversational gambits.
Dude, same. Like, I specifically designed my profile to be full of conversation starters.
It kind of reminds me of that MeFi thread about buying a girl a banjo because she’d look so beautiful playing it beneath a tree.
Ugh, because looking beautiful is definitely the most important part of playing the banjo. #banmen
I don’t understand why men persist in commenting on strangers’ looks on dating apps. Dude, we’re on a dating app. I know you think I’m attractive, that’s why you swiped right. Ditto for me. Your job isn’t to tell me that you think I’m beautiful, your job is to show me why I should care that you do.
I pushed myself away from my desk after reading that message, like I could somehow physically separate myself from a world in which men write stuff like that.
I mean, that is…specific.
Not in NYC, and I date women, so this might be worthless to you. I have had OKC for a while, now, and it’s never worked too well for me. But I just got Tindr, and I like it as much as I can like a dating app. It’s a little more chat-based, and organic. I feel less temptation to analysis ever bit of someone’s profile, and less pressure to come up with charming!witty!perfect! messages. It’s the closest online dating thing I’ve every used to actually meeting a person.
I got it about a month ago, and I met up with someone within a week. We’re still casually dating, and I have a date with someone else next week. And I tend to average 6 dates a year, so this is not normal for me.
INTERESTING! I’ve been avoiding Tinder because it seems like it might be overwhelming, but maybe I’ll give it a shot. I joined “Bumble” the other day, and so far everyone is, like, a beautiful robot who works in finance, so that’s weird.
I did Match in LA about 4 or 5 years ago. It worked well for me, in that the first person I met I dated for 4.5 years. My impression at the time, and given that it was a different place and before Tinder existed was that men who were willing to pay for the service did have a different level of investment.
From what I’ve heard is NYC is the worst dating place, I guess it might be worth spending 30 bucks to see if it helps?
Hey friends I got a question. I have been reading books for a pretty long time, and this week I went to sit down and read a book and in order to do it I arranged a bunch of pillows on the couch so that I could sort of half recline and have my feet up and kind of hold the book halfway up at once.
And this made me realize that I actually don’t know what the best way to read a book is? Or like…what would be the best chair to read a book in? I think my own habit of always sitting sideways in a chair (i.e., with my back to one armrest and my feet over the other) must come from the fact that I usually read in chairs, rather than sit facing forward in them.
But…surely someone has built a chair that is specific to reading, right? What would that look like?
My college had womb chairs in the library. They were ridiculously comfy, but had the “drawback” of encouraging productivity-draining naps.
Womb chairs were for naps.
It would have a padded swing tray that you could rest a book against without tiring your arms or fucking up your posture, for one thing.
This is honest-to-god the toastiest question that has ever been asked.
Love this question!
Isn’t it though? It should be one a plaque. I love it.
Oh man, if you only knew how much searching I did last fall when I was trying to buy a reading chair. In the end I settled for the comfiest-reviewed thing on Wayfair that fit my space and budget, which is fine, but it is not the Platonic Ideal of reading chair.
(I think the Platonic Ideal of reading chair is…not quite wide enough to be a chair-and-a-half, well worn, comfy to the point where it takes effort for climbing out of, so that you can sit cross-legged in the chair or draped over its arms as you choose.)
Chaise longue/fainting couch with neatly accessible end table for warm mugs of drinks.
You Are Very Right.
I have a rocking armchair and matching rocking ottoman that are supposed to be for nursing mothers, but I just use it for reading.
It’s the Chair of My Dreams, and I just happened to find it randomly in the nursery section of a Burlington Coat Factory.
So I read while rocking back and forth, and I rest the book on a wadded-up fleece blanket so my arms don’t get sore.
(Or, you know, on the toilet, but I don’t think that’s recommended by the posture folks…)
I second this set-up! I got one of these from my great grandmother, specifically because it was perfect for reading. I used it to the point that the springs in it broke. Do recommend (using it, not breaking it).
I am dying to own a rocking chair (with or without ottoman) for reading etc. No space right now though.
Lord TOASTIES if you have a comfy ass chair that you love and you know where it came from and I can order it, PLEASE TELL ME SEND LINKS.
We have one comfy-ass chair but it was crazy expensive and I’m not buying another one, but we need another comfy-ass chair to a) make a conversational grouping and b) get my fella to stop using my chair when he wants to read IT’S MY CHAIR MINE.
It is. . . too expensive and we had to save up and buy on a sale, but I love this chair (I have a different pattern): http://www.la-z-boy.com/p/riley-high-leg-recliner…
It is comfy for reading with feet tucked up under oneself or with footrest up. I have additional ottoman that I use sometimes because the back reclines a tad with the footrest up and sometimes I want to sit up with my feet up while reading. . . lots of reading options with this one, though.
IKEA’s Strandmon chair!
I lucked out and got mine in the “as is” section of the store, in a delightful persimmon shade they no longer carry. It is a seriously comfy-ass chair, and I do all my reading in it every morning. http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/303004…
I like a traditional armchair, but I sit in it sideways just like you. It has to be deep and wide enough that this is comfy, but then I can easily balance heavy books on my knees without having to hunch over. I’ve spent most of my life in search of the perfect chair for this setup, but because I am poor i haven’t been able to find one that I can afford. One day, though!
Until then, I tend to sit on a couch and put a pillow on my lap to keep the book up closer to my face. Depends on the weight of the book in question, though. I have several arrangements depending on font size and book mass.
Bed. Bed is the best place to read all day. All the pillows, all the blankets, drink of choice on the bedside. reading at the foot of the best, sideways in bed, sitting up in bed, upsidedown in bed, tucked into the middle of the bed. There’s NOTHING like the feeling of being sucked in a book for a day and a half in bed.
There’s something about different books take me to different locations as well. There’s usually a point in a good book when I get so sucked in, wherever I’m sitting works.
And I’m not the only New Yorker who will ride the subway for long distances for the expressed purpose of getting reading done. You just ride it back and forth…it works. No one knows why. But it works.
My motto: Anyplace can be a bed, if you have enough blankets!
Yep. I mostly read either while propped up in bed or in the bath. I am a huge proponent of bathtime reading, bonus points if you add candles to the equation or it’s after a workout so you can add endorphin points to the mix.
I don’t like to read in bed anymore because I have terrible insomnia, and I’ve been told that one of the solutions to that is to never do anything in your bed but sleep, so I had to stop that one.
My wife made me a READING PILLOW one year for my birthday. It is just the right size for most adult (and teenage) laps. It has two straps that are sewn into the top and bottom edges, and if you are reading a hardcover you can slide the front and back cover boards behind the straps to hold your book in place (useful if you want to set the whole pillow/book combo down to get a new cup of tea or something and then come back and pick it all up again). There is also a little stash pocket in which you can put your bookmark (also maybe a fruit leather? reading glasses? post-its? pencil? not big enough for a smartphone though — so just the right size).
I ADORE IT and she has made others for SRS READER tweens that we know and it always goes over really well.
But, awesome pillow aside, I usually just read on the train. Hunched over all my belongings so no one tries to rob me.
Your wife is brilliant! Reading pillow!
If your wife ever wants to sell these on etsy, you should definitely come back here and share the link.
Also this Kate Beaton drawing comes to mind.
(Sorry dudes, that’s the best image I could find through my workplace’s capricious content filters.)
IT ME
I mostly read lying down on the couch on one side, propping the book up with one hand. Sometimes my dog jumps up and snuggles against the back of my knees, and there is no greater pleasure in life.
I have a sofa with a chaise on the end and I kind of sit in the corner of the chaise so my feet are still up and put a couple of pillows on the arm to prop up my arm/make the corner softer. It has the benefit of leaving room for the dogs on the end of the chaise but I think it would be more comfortable with a nicer sofa than my IKEA model. If I sit in a regular chair I need to put my feet up on a stool of pouf.
I am constantly readjusting and moving. On the floor, on the couch, sitting laying, every angle on chairs. Feet on head rest, kneeling on the floor torso draped over furniture random combinations of bean bags and pillows. It’s all crap after about 15 minutes.
lol this is me. I generally read on my bed because bed + pillows offers the most options and I end up using every one.
A: my best way to read a book is on a blanket in a park next to a water feature with no people around. There is a spot in my city that works and I literally refuse to share this info because it is the perfect spot with water sounds, but not traffic or people sounds but it’s close to the road so I don’t have to walk for forever. HEAVEN.
B: as for chairs, James Garfield had this lopsided chair for reading, so he could sit sideways in the chair for that perfect reading feeling. https://garfieldnps.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/s…
wow, James Garfield really WAS a genius!
YEP! He could also translate a text from English into Latin and Greek simultaneously; writing in Greek with one hand, Latin with the other.
Holy cow! I wish we could dig him up and run him through an fMRI.
I interned at the Garfield National Historic Site and so wanted to just take that chair with me at the end.
A Natural History of the Sense by Diane Ackerman. It’s fascinating and Ackerman has such a lovely, poetic way of describing the science behind the senses.
I adore that book and because of where your reply landed am considering sitting on it to see how comfy it might be.
That chair is a love set with an ottoman. You have infinite position + configuration options and the chair is the perfect size for curling into a ball under a blanket.
That punk Thomas Jefferson should’ve worked on this problem, it seems right up his alley.
I have an good wide armchair, fully two feet across the seat, that is also so low to the ground that my lap naturally makes a pleasing angle for my book. Furthermore I can curl up in it in all directions. It’s very good, but it wasn’t designed for this.
Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee is a fantastic book about cancer, medical history, development of modern science, medical research, and more. It is long, and sometimes dense, but very readable even if you do not have a science background.
Loved that book!
According to childhood me, the best place to read is definitely a hammock. Ideally with a farm kitten you’ve tamed that summer, but the kitten is optional.
Book recs? I’ve been wanting to read more non-fiction lately and would love some ideas for something fun with a good narrative voice. Leaning more towards odd history/trivia and cultural/arts related things than memoirs or biographies, but I’m open to anything that’s just really neat.
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay is long but fascinating, and intersects many places and time periods and you learn lots of odd facts about color and art and especially dyes, which I knew almost nothing about before.
Ooooh this sounds amazing. Can’t wait to read it.
Can’t go wrong with ‘The Time Traveler’s Guide to Medieval England’ (or the Elizabethan sequel). Tons of entertaining, conversational stuff about the bonkers world of the 14th century, focusing on daily life.
I highly enjoyed “The Skies Belong to Us: Love and Terror in the Golden Age of Hijacking” by Brendan Koerner. It’s about, well, hijacking airplanes. And about how common it used to be and how few security measures there were at airports for so long. Some airlines didn’t even check tickets because they considered it rude!
I picked that one up in a library sale a few years ago and never got to it. I should!
Erik Larson is good for non-fiction and historical events. Devil in the White City (Chicago, World’s Fair, serial killer, all true), In the Garden with Beasts (American Ambassador to Germany at the rise of Hitler), and most recently –Dead Wake, about the sinking of the Lusitania which I may or may not have spelled correctly. I definitely recommend the first two, I haven’t finished Dead Wake yet.
My favorite non-fiction book is The Geography of Bliss. It’s about trying to understand what makes a place and the people that live there happy.
My all-time favorite nonfiction book is Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do by Tom Vanderbilt, which is SURPRISINGLY FASCINATING and has caused me to think very differently about my driving habits. (He has a new book coming out this spring! About aesthetic taste and consumer culture! I am too excited to care about what a nerd I am.)
ooh excite! Traffic was a fantastic book and I can’t wait to read this new one.
Yes! A book about something that people usually don’t think on too deeply sounds awesome.
Probably doesn’t really fit, but I’ve got to rec Nature’s Metropolis by William Cronon, which is an ecological history of the city of Chicago and a very awesome book
If you’re interested in sex and brains, check out Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It’s focused on cis women supposedly, but it seems really relevant to almost anyone who has sex.
Such a good book! I have been pushing it on every girl I know who might find it at all relevant (and some guys, but they haven’t been as excited about it)
Thanks, putting it on my to-read list!
Mary Roach is great. She’s written Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal, Packing for Mars, and Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers.
I also really enjoyed The Great Beanie Baby Bubble by Zach Bissonnette, which explains the meteoric rise of Beanie Babies in the 1990s and why people actually paid what they did for the plushies.
The Art of Language Invention by David Peterson was also interesting – he took the few Dothraki words in GoT and created the language on the tv show.
My roommate just finished When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi and said it was excellent.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot is very good, as is Under the Same Sky by Joseph Kim, which is about a young man’s escape from North Korea.
Lastly, I really like Malcolm Gladwell’s books, especially Outliers.
I love Mary Roach – the woman never passes up an opportunity for a fart joke, and she still talks about all the unspeakable things with detail and verve.
Malcom Gladwell’s stories are so compelling I have started to be dubious about their truth.
You are not wrong to do so! Like Jared Diamond, he’s better at telling stories than, you know, explaining what’s actually going on.
I loved A Day in the Life of Ancient Rome. Takes you through daily life in the ancient city, through all social classes, author has an empathetic, charming voice (translated from Italian, can’t think of his name, but published by Europa Editions).
Seconding Traffic! there is so much in that book that made me go “ohhhhh, THAT’s how that works!”
I really like The End of Night, about darkness and artificial light, everything from how pre-electricity cities were lit to astronomy to the dangers of night-shift work to how much light we (think we) need to be safe walking at night.
90% of Everything is about the shipping industry, and the author has a few other books about stuff that makes the world keep running that look fascinating.
The Working Man’s Reward about the early Chicago suburbs was a great read too. Though I’m an urban planning geek, so YMMV.
My non-fiction go to rec is The Boys in the Boat, which came out a few years ago and won all the awards. It’s about the University of Washington Men’s Varsity Crew that won gold in the 1936 Berlin Olympics. Don’t be like “But I’m not a rower!” because everyone can (and does) enjoy it! It is a fantastic book.
It just so happens I am a (former) rower! Sounds promising.
You might also like The Red Rose Crew, about the first women’s U.S. national crew team.
I have apparently dropped in the ocean, give or take:
all cehpalopods: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/kraken-wendy-will…
Kurlansky’s Cod, even though it is oldish: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/cod-mark-kurlansk…
and this one about fish farming, among other things http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/four-fish-paul-gr…
Napoleon’s Egypt remains one of my favorite history books.
Moby Duck by Donovan Hohn! He goes around the world tracing a spilled shipment of toy ducks, and you learn a lot about the ocean, environmentalism today, and the shipping industry.
Last year, I read both Taste: The Story of Britain Through Its Cooking by Kate Colquhoun (exactly what it says on the tin–food history yay!) and The Fishing Fleet: Husband-Hunting in the Raj by Anne de Courcy (really interesting look at women who traveled to India for the express purpose of finding a husband, since so many men had also picked up and left Britain to make their fortunes abroad) and enjoyed them very much!
Kate Colquhoun! I’ve loved every book of hers I’ve read; I’ll have to look that one up.
So, technically a biography but also a great source of cultural trivia is the Emily Post biography by Laura Claridge- she was quite the woman and lived through an immense number of changes, so it’s super interesting.
I just finished Overdressed by Elizabeth Cline, which I really enjoyed. She is exploring “fast fashion” and clothing manufacturing and sales.
I like to add NF in to my reading queue from time to time, so here’s a few I have enjoyed. I also prefer a good narrative voice.
Anything by Dava Sobel. I love her. In particular, Longitude and Galileo’s Daughter are my favorites.
Anything by Sarah Vowell.
Broke, USA by Gary Rivlin
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot, which I think was already recommended
Sway: The Irresistable Pull of Irrational Behavior by Ori Brafman
Blood, Bones and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton
The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker
<i.>King Peggy: An American Secretary, Her Royal Destiny, and the Inspiring Story of How She Changed an African Village by Peggielene Bartels
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain by David Eagleman
Annoying: The Science of What Bugs Us by Joe Palca
The Midwife: A Memoir of Birth, Life and Hard TImes by Jennifer Worth
Nella Last’s War: The Second World War Diaries of a Housewife, 49 by Nella Last
Dearie: The Remarkable Life of Julia Child by Bob Spitz
Unbroken By Laura Hillenbrand (I hear her other books are equally enjoyable but I have not read them)
The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim DeFede
Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
Philomena: A Mother, Her Son, and a FIfty-Year Search by Martin Sixsmith (very different POV from the movie, FWIW)
The Dorito Effect: The Surprising New Truth About Food and Flavor by Mark Schatzker
It’s a Long Story: My Life by Willie Nelson
As You Wish: Inconceivable Stories From the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes
In the Kingdom of Ice: The Grand and Terrible Polar Voyage of the USS Jeanette by Hampton Sides
Liar, Temptress, Soldier, Spy: Four Women Undercover in the Civil War by Karen Abbott
Deep Down Dark: The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in a Chilean Mine, and the Miracle That Set Them Free by Hector Tobar
My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor
In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex by Nathaniel Philbrick
I love ‘In the Heart of the Sea,’ one of my very favorite non-fiction books. I am pleased that you like the polar book on the Jeannette! I haven’t read that one yet, but I know about that voyage and I LOVE polar exploration books (and sea tragedy survival/death stories).
Yes, love Nella Last’s Mass Observation diaries!
My all time fave is About Time by Adam Frank, which is about human understandings of time and how they relate to physics, in chronological order of concept (so day and night came before clocks, etc). It’s really good science writingmixed with solid sociology and history.
I just listened to Sarah Vowell’s Lafayette in the Somewhat United States which was fab. It’s as much about modern American politics and where the Revolution came from and how that mindset still influences our culture as it is about America’s Favorite Fighting Frenchman. And on audio John Slattery is Lafayette and Nick Offerman is George Washington which, omg, yes.
Toasts, I have a question about home entertainment, since it’s too cold to go outside right now. I used to exist happily as a cord cutter, and then I married a fellow who occasionally needs to watch sports, so now we have a basic cable subscription. Then I heard good things about Orange is the New Black, so we subscribed to Netflix. But now I feel like there are all these things one has to subscribe to in order to see like one show that has a lot of buzz, and it feels irresponsible to subscribe to Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, premium cable, etc, etc, etc. Where does it end?
So which ones are worth it? Are there secret places that would allow us to watch all the interesting things? Forgive me for being an Old.
Hmm, I feel like I accidentally cobbled together a screen-share arrangement with a bunch of friends? Like- right now I have access to Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, HBO Go, and streaming sports from NBC and ESPN. But I only paid for one of those myself, all the others are my friends’ accounts, or through my parents’ cable subscription. And in exchange for my using their Netflix and Hulu accounts, my friends also use my parents’ cable subscription for their HBO needs. It’s not very secure, I suppose, but it works.
I don’t know how one would go about intentionally setting up anything like this, however.
We’re kind of like this too–We have my fiancé’s mother’s Netflix, but she has our Hulu login info. I have my best friend’s HBO Go info (somewhere, that I’ve never used . . .) and I offer my Shudder account info to people.
(I think we’re the only people with a Shudder account, so that’s pretty much our one bargaining chip we can offer to people.)
I have both Hulu (the tier that’s paid but not commercial-free, so Hulu plus I think?) and Amazon prime. For me, Hulu is good for current shows, since they usually release episodes the day after they air, and for sitting and watching a backlog of something. That said, I also don’t have cable, so some of your needs may be met there. Amazon’s library is, in my opinion, still just okay. There’s some good stuff in there, particularly movies, but I feel like you have to do some hunting, and it also seems like things take a while to be available there.
I would also highly recommend seeing what your local library has to offer, if you have fairly convenient access. I was amazed to find that my library regularly gets new DVDs of both movies and show seasons, usually about the same time they’re released for sale. Sometimes I have to join a pretty long waiting list, but I’m easily able to get fairly recent content from them. They are also starting to expand their digital offerings. But, your mileage may vary depending on your library.
I stick with only a Netflix subscription, and then I illegally stream any NFL games that I want to watch. Netflix has a nice spread of current and older shows/movies that fits my needs quite well.
I have Netflix and Hulu Plus subscriptions, plus my parents’ HBO GO and cable logins. I stream a lot of stuff off the Comcast Xfinity app, including live stuff. I also have an MLB.tv subscription for baseball season and an Amazon Prime account that I keep meaning to cancel because I don’t watch anything and it’s a terrible company that I shouldn’t support.
The real trick to cord cutting and watching ALL THE THINGS, sadly, is access to the login info of someone who does pay for cable.
Can you cut the cord again, and just pack him off to a friend’s house/ a bar to watch sports?
I have a Roku (which I love), and I’m able to watch pretty much all the TV shows I want just with Netflix and Amazon Prime.
(I also have Hulu Plus specifically for access to the Criterion Collection).
This pretty much sums up my relationship/entertainment system. I was getting along just fine with a laptop and someone else’s Netflix password until I moved in with a sports-needing, tvs-in-multiple-rooms kind of person, so right now we have cable (plus dvr/on-demand, I honestly don’t know if that’s standard these days or what) and Netflix and Hulu (plus Amazon, but only as a side effect of having Amazon Prime, we don’t really ever use the tv feature), and I can safely say that having both Netflix and Hulu is worth it if you’re the kind of person who goes looking for specific shows to watch, since on their own each one tends to have gaps in what they have available. Hulu seems to have better coverage overall, if you’re looking to pare things down as much as possible, but Netflix has more interesting exclusive programming, I think.
I could absolutely live without cable entirely, since it’s expensive and I never really get the urge to aimlessly channelsurf, but I guess it’s pretty necessary for Sports People. I like having access to HBO for Game of Thrones reasons, since otherwise I’d have to deal with torrenting, which is way more work than I feel like putting into my tv-watching.
Anyway, my official endorsement: subscribe to Hulu and Netflix, get a Roku (but not the Roku stick, which craps out on me constantly), and have your husband set up sportsday playdates with someone who pays for cable so you don’t have to.
I just canceled my cable since I was rarely watching it and don’t have sports needs. I have Netflix and Amazon Prime but I probably wouldn’t keep Prime just for streaming. I’m planning to use my parent’s login info for anything I absolutely have to watch from one of the networks and may add in HBO GO since I lost my login when I canceled the cable. Or convince my dad to upgrade his satellite package. I’ve thought about trying Hulu but I’m going to wait and see if I really end up wanting it.
We recently cut the cord and have had really good luck using an HD antenna to pick up sports on ABC/NBC/Fox. The picture quality is actually a lot better now, since we never paid for HD cable and got standard definition, but we can pick up HD signals over the air.
We don’t have a tv but we subscribe to netflix and amazon prime. We also have my sister’s HBO go password, but we only use it for Game of Thrones. Netflix is great for tv but not so great for movies in my opinion; amazon is better for movies I think but half the time we end up paying for them so I’m not sure paying for prime is worth it (we mostly have it because my husband is kind of obsessed with the next-day shipping). If it were up to me I think I would pay for a netflix subscription for tv, and then just pay individually for movies on itunes or amazon when we want to watch them (we probably only watch 2-3 movies a month, some of which are on netflix, so even if we occasionally pay $5 to rent one on amazon or itunes it would work out cheaper than paying a subscription)
My fiancee and I have a Roku box and an old-school rabbit-ears antenna for our TV (and very little shame about acquiring shows we can’t get on either of those through nefarious internet means), and that covers pretty much all of our stuff-watching needs.
I pay for Amazon Prime and Netflix, she pays for Hulu Plus and takes on the risk of being an internet pirate for the sake of whatever we want to watch from the BBC, and for things like the Tonys or Oscars, we stick the rabbit ears in the window and hope the signal holds out.
Joining others to say if you can find friends who already have a subscription or two, then figure out a trade: you give them your pw for one or two sites and they give you theirs for one they have.
I have HBONow, Netflix, and Prime on my own and use a friend’s Hulu subscription which includes the Showtime add on. The only other thing I’ve considered getting is Starz (which you can get as an add on to a couple of things), but probably only for long enough to watch the two shows they offer that I want to see. I could probably also be happy only subscribing to HBO for a month or two out of the year to get caught up on shows I like, but my brother uses it so I keep it.
I’ve discovered that the grocery store nearby sells challah. Year round good challah. I’m in heaven. No longer is it a holiday treat. Now to see how much of it I can eat between now and Ash Wednesday.
I bought supplies to make challah yesterday but I’m scaaaaaared. The last time I tried to bake anything with yeast it never rose (bad yeast). So I probably will wait some more until my need for fresh bread outweighs my low bread confidence.
Challah french toast with sliced bananas and powdered sugar. Do it.
ha! 65% of me wanting to bake challah is because what I really want is challah French toast!
I made quiche for dinner last night, and you know what that means: cold quiche for breakfast this morning!
Mmmmm
omg I wish I were in your kitchen, standing with a slice of quiche in my bare hand, leaning over the counter so as not to get crumbs on your floor.
Takes 60 seconds to eat a slice of cold quiche. FOOD OF THE GODS.
There is this fancy event that I get to go to once a year as a guest and the best tradition is that if you get there early enough there are tart-sized, cold quiche lorraines and you can have as many as you want until they are gone. Last year I had four.
Hey Toaties, I’m currently reading The Rosie Project for book club and it’s really rubbing me the wrong way, but I’m having trouble articulating why. I’m only 50 pages in. There’s the manic pixie dream girl aspect to Rosie, but it’s the Aspie aspects to the narrator that really disturb me. On one hand it’s good to have a neuroatypical protagonist, but it also doesn’t feel respectful. I’m not sure how to talk about this with my lovely, but often oblivious book club. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
I know what you mean! I started it but didn’t finish after the first 30 or so pages because the narrator’s voice was just . . . off. I think what didn’t work for me was that I didn’t feel like the readers were given any scraps of empathy, any reasons to root for the narrator besides the fact that he was different. Also, maybe because the whole premise just felt too calculated? There was a strange lacking of dimensional characters in the little bit I read.
I had a really strong and negative reaction to the book. I didn’t like the protagonist, and I never bought into his romance with Rosie.
And also, this may be a SPOILER? The whole premise, that he’s testing the DNA of these people to find out if they are Rosie’s father–he’s testing them without their knowledge. It’s such a violation of their privacy, and nobody seems to care except the dean who later finds out, and she’s portrayed really, really unfavorably. I thought it was gross.
My boss recently recommended this book to me and maybe now I will move it up the line a little bit.
I read it and enjoyed it but it was with a very conscious effort not to think too hard about it. As a screwball romantic comedy I found it super fun, but. Yeah. It was very much an invitation to laugh at the characters, but there wasn’t a great line between laughing at them for getting into wacky situations and laughing at who they are.
I read it for my bookclub, too, and felt similarly. Maybe it’s because I read romance novels so I have high standards about my romance heroes but I felt the narrator was kind of a dick at times, particularly in that he had such high standards for the women he dated (including their preferences in ice cream) but seemed put off if they had their own standards for men they wanted to date (like the woman who wanted someone she could go dancing with). I guess that was supposed to be offset by him falling in love with Rosie even though she didn’t meet any of his requirements, but I felt like he didn’t ever actually realize he was being a dick and properly acknowledge it.
Mental health rant: I went to the GP on Wednesday to ask about being screened for depression, anxiety and possibly ADHD. Long story short, the GP prescribed Citalopram (generic of Celexa) but told me to think about whether inreally want to take this drug. She also gave me a referral for an NHS health and well-being team, but said that they don’t really check for “soft diagnoses” like ADHD, as they have their hands full with “more severe depression.” I don’t know what to do now; it felt like she was giving me mixed signals about taking the drug she prescribed, and since I’m American, she was kind of dismissive of my concern that I might have ADHD, based on “things [I’ve] read on the internet. I wasn’t being pushy, but if something else could help me more, in a more targeted way, that would be preferable. I’m feeling frustrated, and I guess I’ll wait to get my referral appt before taking the Citalopram? I dunno. Any other people in the UK, or elsewhere, meet with this kind of thing, and if so, how’d it turn out?
Well that doctor sounds pretty condescending and the fact that she considers your issues less important and worthy of care than the people with “REAL depression” leads me to believe that you should take everything she says with a grain of salt. I don’t know anything about Celexa and don’t have experience with ADHD so I don’t have any advice about whether it’s the best medication for you, but I would encourage you to see another doctor who is more sympathetic to these kind of issues and see what they have to say.
I’m hitting a similar wall with the NHS! I haven’t found a solution yet, but I commiserate!
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teen, and have been on medication for over 6 years now, and when I moved here I decided to be a grown up and get all of my prescriptions moved over. WELL. Its taken me a year just to get them to prescribe the medication I need, and I haven’t met a single health professional who has any experience with adult ADHD and all of the services they are referring me to are mostly counselling for depression and such. And while a bit of counselling doesn’t go amiss, I can’t plan my own care, I don’t know what I need! But the adult mental health services here don’t have centralised care (where you become a patient and they co-ordinate your care between therapists and psychiatrists etc), so you’re largely on your own.
I managed to get an assessment with a psychiatrist, but it was a crisis care place and they basically said I wasn’t sick enough for them to help me.
I’m feeling very left out in the cold here and I can feel myself getting worse but I have no idea where to go or who to turn to and depression means I can’t fight against the system anymore. I guess I’ll just wait until I’m self harming again and see if I’m sick enough for them then. (sorry, black humour gets me through.)
I’ve been told the NHS just doesn’t seem to think ADHD exists in adults.
Ahhhh, this sounds SO frustrating, yet it’s exactly the impression I’m getting of how it will be for me too. Based on what the GP said about the team I’ve been referred to, I’m not expecting fabulous results, or even to be taken seriously, which is so disheartening. Like, it only finally clicked that I wasnt just being homesick or having usual culture shock when she asked if I was suicidal (and she asked in a sort way that sounded like an afterthought, or she was expecting a swift ‘no’). For the record, I’m not really, but there are plenty of days where I wish I didn’t exist. That got her attention, and it was like, cool man, glad I’m toeing the line enough for you now :/ I’m sorry though, I can imagine how distressing/tiring/deeply frustrating it is to feel yourself getting worse and seeking help, only to be turned away, for all intents and purposes. Do you know whether treatment could be any better in private care?
Okay, well, first of all your doctor is being super condescending, and that is bullshit. Definitely follow up with the referral, and see what they say. They might also be super condescending, which would suck, but they might be good and useful and helpful.
I used to take citalopram for depression/anxiety; it helped me for a while and then it stopped. It is one of those drugs that takes a week or two to kick in once you’re taking it regularly, so take that into consideration when you’re thinking about whether or not to start taking it now.
*hugs* I’m sorry your doctor was an ass, and I hope you get the help and support you need.
I took Citalopram way back when my anxiety disorder was first diagnosed, and while I don’t really remember side effect aside from gaining a bit of weight (which might have just me being a lazy teenager anyway), I do remember the withdrawal – if you do decide to take the meds, be careful to find the right amount and talk to your doctor if you don’t want to take them anymore. Going cold turkey was not nice, but I can say that the meds did stabilise me and I’m grateful that I took them.
That being said, your doctor does not sound very helpful? Unfortunately I don’t know a lot about the health system in the UK, but maybe there are counselling services who specialise at that sort of thing?
Boooooo. Sorry you got the brush-off.
I’m in the U.S. But had a similar experience. I had a doctor suggest that the cure for depression for me was to go to graduate school (HAHAHAHAHA NO). When I asked for a psych referral he told me he didn’t think it was warranted since I could still shower and make it to the dr office.
Basically I had more 3 years of struggling after that before I attempted to get help again. So keep trying to be proactive in regards to your treatment!
At one point I tried Celexa and it did nothing for me and I had no issues when I abruptly stopped taking it. But maybe it will help you? It’s something you could try as you wait for your referral, then decide once you’ve talked to your wellness team whether or not it’s depression or something else. If you take it and it doesn’t help that might help them see there is something else going on in your head.
“the cure for depression for me was to go to graduate school”
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
That is LITERALLY the worst advice I have ever, ever heard oh my god.
ISTG, a psychiatrist once told me the cure for my depression was for me to have a baby. I just stared at him aghast. I never wanted kids anyway, but to have a kid when I was depressed? To FIX it? It was literally most horrible advice I ever heard.
I had that happen to me, too. Assholes.
Okay, that might be the only possible thing that’s even WORSE.
That’s borderline (if not actual) malpractice if you ask me.
That doctor is apparently in cahootz with a former psychologist who told me I should try dating because it would improve my self-esteem.
I have received the same advice. What are these therapists thinking!!
Oh god, it took me so long to work up the courage to go to my doctor and ask for anti-depressants. If she had put up any kind of resistance about it I would have crumbled but your doctor went ABOVE AND BEYOND!
First of all, fuck your doctor. Fuck him in the ear.
Also, get thee to a therapist, a counselor, friend, mentor, whoever. If you want to take Citalopram, go for it (It’s often the first drug tried for anxiety/depression because it’s a low risk for side effects. I’ve taken it for years and it totally works for me) But I would recommend that, drugs or no drugs, you talk to someone who believes you when you say you are not feeling good. Get your name into the NHS (don’t totally know how that works) but find someone else in the meantime.
If you are comfortable with it, you can speak to a faith leader. You can speak with the leader of your own community, or any community you’re familiar with. Pastors and Rabbis (and, presumably, other faith leaders) have some training in counseling. Call their office, say you need to talk with someone, and make an appointment. That is their job. Of course, if you think they are of the “just pray more, and Jesus will take away your depression” then do what you need to feel safe and affirmed.
But this is often a long journey to figure out your mental health. In my experience, that journey doesn’t start when you ask for help, it starts months or years before when you want to ask for help and don’t know how. You are already so amazing for asking for help. GOOD JOB!
This is really infuriating. In my experience with the people suffering with depression, they’re only in a mindset to seek treatment either before or after the depression has become severe. You’re absolutely doing the right thing by trying to manage it before it becomes a more massive problem in your life. Fuck your GP for not having the foresight to see how important it is to support people who are looking after their mental health before it becomes a crisis.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I’ve lived in the UK my whole life and have had serious bouts of depression in part as a result of being dyslexic.
My feeling is that you will not get an ADHD diagnosis off a
GP in the UK.
Bad and inexperienced GPs will, however, never miss an opportunity to just give you a citalopram prescription. I was on citalopram for 1.5 years and it really did the trick, but my taking it was monitored by my excellent GP.
Your GP does not sound excellent. I think you should DEFINITELY keep the referral to the well-being team but you should also get a new GP that you can trust. Switch surgeries if necessary.
If you have any kind of higher ed affiliation try to get an appointment with their counselling service.
Thank you all so much for your words of support, understanding, and commiseration. The whole thing felt off, but I wasn’t sure if it was just me misreading the situation. The doctor I saw was filling in for the regular doctor there, so I will try it again. I was worried that an ADHD screening or diagnosis would be difficult to get, but now that I’m trying to navigate through this, it’s even more frustrating than expected, especially when I’m feeling low. It actually really helped to vent here, so thanks, Toastadas <3
It also might help if you take an online quiz for ADHD and print out the results and bring them? (Sorry if you’ve already done that and I’m giving stupid redundant advice.) And I second the people who said they tried citalopram and it helped. For me, being an American and living in the UK and going to grad school was what drove me to depression/anxiety, so aaagh! I sympathize so much. I visited my American doctor in the summer when I was home, got a prescription and started meds there, and then persuaded my British doctor to prescribe the same thing. (For a while until that, my mom was mailing me my prescription from home in the USA, and one time the package was very late and I went through withdrawal and broke down in tears at my course until my professor called my British GP and gave him a piece of her mind and told him it was an emergency and he needed to give me an appointment ASAP.)
Ugh. Sorry. Hang in there! It really does get better, I promise!
(The same British GP misdiagnosed a skin rash and gave me steroid cream which made it spread like the dickens. My American doctor said he must have been an idiot. It was ringworm from one of the neighborhood cats rubbing up against my leg, and now I am super sensitive to ringworm, ugh. And a little more cautious with strange kitties, alas.)
If you do go on citalopram – the initial adjustment period can have some nasty side effects, but in my own experience (FWIW) it is worth pushing through the first couple of weeks for the benefits. I’ve been on it twice, for about a year or so each time, and on both occasions I had severe side effects for the first few days (extreme anxiety, dizziness, bouts of depersonalisation) followed by a week or 10 days of fatigue and light headedness. But once the drug took effect I felt much, much better. If you can start the drug at the weekend, or take a few days off work/school, do so as a precaution.
Today I learned that the phrase I have been wrongly using is “Pee like a racehorse.”
How was I using it wrongly? I’ve been saying “Pee like a banshee.” I have been saying it this way since I was six or seven years old, and nobody corrected me until now.
I’m not sure why I got the phrase in my head that way; I knew what a banshee is, knew that there was the phrase “scream (or wail) like a banshee, but somehow… somehow Young Me decided that banshees also pee a lot. Supernaturally.
I think “Pee like a banshee” works. It rhymes! Personally, and I don’t know how this started, I always say “I have to pee like a demon” which is not too different from yours (I love assonance).
I mean, maybe banshees have signficant pees too. We don’t know! Where is the science study on banshee pee? You may have been correct all along!!
Maybe banshees have really bad UTIs, thus making peeing and screaming like one horrifying prospects?
I bet when you pass a kidney stone you will pee like a banshee.
(Not YOU PERSONALLY. Generic-third-person “you.”)
I hope you’ll continue to say “pee like a banshee” because it’s perfect and I am now picturing a banshee who drinks as she makes her rounds and pees on the doorsteps of those whose deaths she’s foretelling.
That is why they are always screaming, because they have to pee SO BAD and there’s a ridiculous line to the ladies’ room AS USUAL.
What an orgasm feels like: Peeing like a Banshee.
OKAY i’m commenting for the first time (hi!) because i need to tell you that a bunch of stalls in the girls bathrooms at my high school had “pee like a banshee” grafitti in them. one had a sweet drawing of a screaming ghost to go with it too. i loved it and i always thought some hilarious teen girl thought of it and wrote it everywhere. and maybe they did, but maybe they heard it somewhere too. this is a weird thing to remember but i guess i saw it every day for 3 years and also thought it was pretty funny? hoo boy. anyway, unless that was you, the phrase totally exists elsewhere!
This made me laugh so hard, I cried. YOU MADE MY TEAR DUCTS PEE LIKE A BANSHEE
I think anything can be done like a banshee. Or like a maniac. “Tomorrow’s Christmas, I’m knitting like a banshee to finish this hat!” Maybe banshees and maniacs aren’t the most skillful knitters, but you know that whatever they do, they will do it to the fullest.
I think there was a YA novel in which a character peed like a banshee!
Toasties, how do you family?
My family is a wide web of people who have hurt each other in various terrible ways. I love all of them. I don’t condone a lot of their shitty behavior. I don’t think all shitty behavior is morally equivalent, but the dynamics are all complicated enough that I don’t feel like I have any standing to decide who’s more right about what, whose grudges are justified, who deserves my sympathy more. I just love all of them and am sorry they have been hurt.
Is there any way for me to have relationships with all of these people I love without being forced to choose sides, or being an accessory to shitty behavior, or being resented because somehow I narrowly avoided getting on anybody’s bad side?
Have you read Captain Awkward? Would highly recommend.
I have the same kind of family and their baggage used to get to me a lot more than it does now. I make an effort to relate to them in good faith but my boundaries are pretty non-negotiable. Life is fleeting. I have a limited amount of time on earth and I don’t care to spend it fighting with relatives. The ones who count are the ones who don’t expect me to carry their baggage.
“Is there any way for me to have relationships with all of these people I love without being forced to choose sides, or being an accessory to shitty behavior, or being resented because somehow I narrowly avoided getting on anybody’s bad side? ”
Yes, you can have relationships with all of those people you love.
No, no one can force you to do anything. They can push you to take sides, but they cannot force you to do so. You can prepare a statement to deploy for that predictable, recurring situation. Something like, “It’s my personal policy not to take sides, if that’s what you’re asking me to do.”
Yes, you can avoid being an accessory to shitty behavior. List all the shitty behavior you know about in your family. Add to the list likely future shitty behaviors. Use the list as a prompt to thought experiments, one at a time. “I can avoid being an accessory to this one by never/always …” Make yourself some personal policies. After several such thought experiments, you’ll find yourself making broader policies that cover multiple list items. Eventually, you will find you have created very fine personal boundaries.
No, you cannot avoid being resented. That is someone else’s choice. You don’t control others’ choices. But you can learn to be secure enough in your self regard to accept that others can have negative feelings about you that you do not deserve. And to see their attitude as pitiable, saying more about them, saying little or nothing about you.
I feel for you. ::Toasthugs:: None of this is easy. I should know. I have hard-earned, dented, patched boundaries with my extended family. Denting and patching are recurring.
Also, you might be able to reduce some of the resentment by validating people’s feelings, e.g. “I don’t blame you for cutting her out of your life, even though she’s still in mine.”
I family by deliberately moving away from everybody and only coming to events for people I can be sure aren’t crazy Born-Again antiabortioners. And deliberately sitting next to my favorite cousins at Thanksgiving while the Republican uncles get drunk in a separate room.
what about you– have they hurt you in various terrible ways?
(my girlfriend’s family is similar and she’s been trying to keep in the middle of it all, and I accidentally reminded her that they’ve treated her like shit, too, you know… then she burst into tears because she’d been so busy excusing them for how they treated eachOTHER that she forgot to feel offended when they hurt her, too.)
Wedding planning thread?
I’ve been procrastinating finding a florist for a while now and… I should probably do that. I don’t know anything about flowers though. They all look pretty! How do I pick a person?
Also I’m dyeing my shoes this weekend and I’ve never done that before so this should be an adventure.
When I was torn between three florists, I ended up choosing the only one who bothered to email me back, by default. But clear, prompt communication is definitely a good criteria when all else seems equal
That’s more or less how I picked a venue. One was always prompt and a lot more organized than the others so I just went with them.
It just feels like I’m supposed to care more? I’m happy as long as the venue fits who I want in it and isn’t inside of a musty basement, and I’m happy with the flowers as long as they’re not dead, but I keep hearing about people meeting ten thousand florists before they find a “good” one and I don’t know whether to be worried that I’m not doing that, or not.
Eh, if you don’t care, you don’t care. We almost always just went with the cheapest option in an effort to keep costs down and then splurged on the open bar and everyone was happy.
Cheap everthing + open bar sounds like fabulous advice, thank you!!
for what it’s worth, we went with silk flowers! (i.e. those fake ones sold at Michaels) because neither of us gave two whits about florals, AND IT WAS HELLA SUPER MAGICAL CHEAP AND A MILLLLLION TIMES EASIER TO ORGANIZE BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ADDITIONAL HUMANS OR POOR COMMUNICATION FROM VENDORS OR TIMING OF DELIVERIES I AM BECOME A COLLECTION OF EXCITED CAPSLOCK RANTINGS ABOUT FAKE FLOWERS I GUESS IS WHAT I’M GETTING AT.
did you buy them in person at a Michaels? or online? We have a craft project in mind involving those big gerbera daisies and will need to test it out on some. (And also the wedding is in the fall and some silk fall leaves sound better than fresh flowers now that I am thinking about it, hmmmmm, tell me your sources for fake flowers!)
i was initially planning on buying them online, but the shipping costs were WHACK 🙁
we ended up just hitting up Michaels with one of their perennial (puns!) coupons for 50% off, and managed to score all the bridal/bridesmaid bouquets, boutonnieres, flower girl bouquet, aaaaand table decor flowers for less than $300.
one tip: Michaels tends to change up their flowers with the seasons, so if there’s a particular color scheme that you’ve got in mind, it’s best to get them all around the same time!
GOOD LUCK AND MAY THE UNDERPRICED FLORALS BE WITH YOU.
awesome! thanks for the tips.
I found a florist that donated 100% of profits to a women’s charity, so that sold me on her (Boston area). Not sure if something like that is available where you live.
All your guests also think that flowers all look pretty, so definitely don’t overthink or overspend on the flowers. I had a second reception in another country for our overseas friends, and the venue offered exactly 3 arrangements to choose from. I chose one, it looked great, super low stress.
Honestly, I went to the floral department in my local grocery store and just got a simple rose bouquet. By the time I got to flowers, my budget was shot, but they also looked fine–nobody was like “you got those at Stop & Shop, huh?”
I attempted to order wedding invitations last week from Etsy and I’m completely baffled. I had zero problems ordering Save the Dates, which I got through Etsy but a different vendor. For the invitations, I only had the option to order up to 6 invitations via the drop down box, so in the comments I gave all my personalization information, requested 50, and asked a few questions.
Nothing happened for a week, no communication except for a generic “thanks for using my store”, then I got a notification that my purchase had gone through but never received any tracking information. Yesterday, I got one single invitation in the mail… but not even a proof with my information on it? Just a copy of the same generic one from the website. What the hell? They are super cute, but I will not be purchasing any from that vendor.
Anybody who only offers the option to order 6 of something is a massive red flag, because it means they either don’t know how to use etsy properly to add greater quantities, or they don’t understand their audience! Yeeek!
I mean, the one that they sent you could have been a print proof (see what this looks like in person before you order all of them) but the mishandling of the rest of it sounds like this person is just flaky and weird. I’m sorry about your invitation fiasco!
(Also I’m a graphic designer so if you need any help navigating this stuff, feel free to ask!)
Thanks! Yeah, I assume it was a proof, but it didn’t have any of my stuff on it, it was the exact same one from the website which… I can see on the website. I would have hoped to see a proof with my information on it. Or at least be sent a file with my info on it to view, like the save the date person did. Oh well!
Honestly, my method for picking a florist was finding one whose pictures I liked and was available and reasonably priced. End story. My “floral plan” was to tell her what I hated and didn’t want anywhere near me (roses, lilies, carnations), what I liked (tulips, freesia) and let her go to town. She was a professional, after all, and I trusted her taste way better than mine. And it was gorgeous. My flowers were perfect and beautiful and I’ll link to my bouquet in a second. A+ would use my strategy again.
Here are my table flowers https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1…
Here’s a nice one of my flowers and my husband’s corsage thingie https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2…
Oh these are lovely!!
Where are you located? There is a Toastie florist I can recommend to you if you’re on the West Coast!
I am not on the West Coast, HOWEVER, I am having my ceremony in Yosemite and I’ll be driving there from San Francisco! So if this person is at all in that area, let me know!
My very dear friend was married in the Bay Area last year, and she and her mom went to a wholesale flower market and bought a few buckets of things that looked nice. They also dropped into a few vintage stores to pick up random little vases and cups to put the flowers in. Then the bridal party spent part of the afternoon the day before the wedding making our bouquets and arranging flowers for the centerpieces. It was lovelier than any professional flowers I’ve seen at weddings and a really nice afternoon activity for everyone who helped out.
She’s in Cloverdale, which is about an hour from SF, so if you guys coordinate it may well work out! Her website seems to be down at the moment (though that might just be my work computer controls) but here is her business instagram with lots of photos of her work: and here is her page on WeddingWire with many glowing reviews and a phone number to reach her. Hope it works out!
Can confirm that not only is this florist very talented, she is an absolutely delightful and charming person!
OH MY GOSH SHE DOES FLOWER CROWNS?!?!? I’M SOLD THANK YOU
YAYYYYY I HOPE IT GOES GREAT SEND PICTURES
I’m just going to say “The entire Toast.net recommended you” since I don’t know any of your names.
Oh man, if you go with Emily you are in for a treat; she is SO talented and passionate about her work.
This will probably not be useful for flowers generally, but a friend of mine got fake flower bouquets for herself and her bridesmaid. I was initially a little confused but it ended up being GREAT. I didn’t have to worry about ruining the flowers (I could just toss it wherever and it wouldn’t be hurt because it was plastic) and now I have the bouquet in my office where I get to look at it every day and remember what a loverly time it was.
There is a beauty that real flowers have that the fake bouquets can’t even touch. But if you are on a budget and don’t care a ton about flowers, it is an option that I hadn’t initially known was an option.
I have my first flower appointment this weekend. I want “a step above DIY.” Basically, I look at it as a vendor pitching themselves to me, not the other way around? I picked a place that is closest to my venue & doesn’t have terrible reviews? I want the simplest thing: White mini calla lilies for everyone. Period. That’s it. If she tries to uptalk me, I’m walking out with a simple “thank you for your time.” I also queried a woman I found on a directory at A Practical Wedding, and she was super talented, but her fee was my entire wedding budget, so…no?
I also just booked my ceremony pianist this morning, after LONG deliberations about what music we wanted. Like, very long. So that all felt good.
I kind of love wedding planning? I find it really easy, which I know a lot of people don’t. I like being able to just make decisions and see things be done. I like checking off boxes, when in my work life I’m feeling like I have a zillion things that will never be accomplished. I also really like the crafting involved. Gives me something to think about and do that I don’t find stressful.
GOOD LUCK DYEING YOUR SHOES
(…Heads up? Calla lilies are GORGEOUS, but also Not Cheap. Anemones are hella cheaper, and are so striking!)
I’d talk to a florist and if they work with you in a way that makes you feel good then I’d go with that. I talked to two florists, the first didn’t really seem to care and wanted to up-sell me on everything. It was not a positive experience.
Fortunately the second florist I visited was perfect. He asked how much we had (not much) and what color I wanted. He then went in the back, grabbed a bunch of inexpensive flowers (I remember daisies in bold purple and white and a couple other filler flowers/greens) and threw together a gorgeous bouquet right on the spot and asked what I thought. He then suggested a couple roses in my bouquet to make it a bit bigger than the rest and stand out more without adding much to the overall cost. I put in my order on the spot and he became my go-to florist until he retired.
Recommended reading: http://apracticalwedding.com/
It got me through my wedding planning with my sanity entirely intact.
Good luck with the planning! I’m not much help as all my contacts in that regard are France-based. Not gonna lie, though. For a minute there, I thought your “how do I pick a person” question referred to who you should marry…. 😀
I mean, if you have some good advice about how to pick a NEW fiance, I could definitely upgrade mine for a better model. Maybe trade him in for one with a built in bar or hands that are not permanently cold. Things could always be better!
That’s hilarious. Now I want one with a built-in bar and will probably die alone as a result. And where do I sign up for trading my own permanently cold hands?
(oh gosh fiance’s mom just called him and they are having a…spirited discussion about the save the dates we haven’t sent yet. I am grateful for his nagging shutdown skills.)
I went with a florist to make my bouquets and boutonnieres, and then made my own centerpieces from Costco flowers! I loved it and it ended up being my favorite DIY project of the whole wedding. I bought the box of European Mini Bouquets, which is a box of 270 flower stems for $115 dollars. They come in a random assortment of colors and have a really pretty wildflower-like look to them. They’ve also got boxes you can buy of white flowers or a specific color family, but they cost a bit more.
The flowers arrived on Thursday before my Saturday wedding, I trimmed the stems with some shears, and then arranged them in about 15 mason jars. They looked AMAZING and I got so many compliments on them. I actually had more than I needed for my centerpieces, so there were flowers EVERYWHERE. It was great.
Oh man, thank you! I’ve been looking at different wholesale flower vendors but somehow I had never considered Costco.
I like DIY floral stuff, personally. But if you lack the time and talented friends and interest, any florist worth it should have portfolios. The OffBeat Bride usually has suggestions. And don’t be bullied into what someone says everyone else does – pick out what YOU like. Consider what you want to be able to look back and know was there.
Our wedding is in 6 weeks. YIIIIIKES.
I just picked up my betrothed’s ring! He has revealed himself to be an amazing diva, and his ring has diamonds! I love it. It’s great.
Flowers: I met with two people. One was great, and cheap, and has great flowers, and her shop is like 6 blocks from our house. One had an initial appointment that was SUPER detail oriented, took like 1.5 hours, gave me a headache, and was super expensive.
I want a florist who gets our general vision, gets our budget, and makes it happen without fusses. I do not want to spend more than 1.5 hours TOTAL talking about flowers. No sir. Too late with that other florist in the picture, but here we are.
That’s not helpful to you, but it is how I picked a florist.
Any tips for combating anxiety about moving, starting a new job, and couch surfing ? I am moving from LA to the bay for a new job, but I won’t be able to get my own place for a while. I am contemplating staying in LA with my family, even though I have no job prospects and my poverty/dependence is making me miserable. How do you live out of a suitcase without going crazy ?
This is admittedly tough to do when you are couchsurfing, but if you can keep your stuff corralled and tidy you will go along way towards engendering good will. The best house guests my roommates and I have had also made a point of asking about morning routines – like, when we tended to get up/shower, to they could make sure they weren’t using the bathroom when one of us were accustomed to having it free. Really, that’s the main thing – be aware of where your things are, if you make a mess, clean it up, ask about household routines and habits. If you want to go above and beyond, and you’re able to do so, it might be nice if you offer to cook or buy dinner once in a while, or pay to restock some common supplies (milk, toilet paper, soap). We had one guest who emptied the dishwasher for us when we were at work and we still talk about how wonderful that was, 5+ years later. (He put some things back in the wrong place but we were so touched by his efforts that we just kept up with his system going forward.)
Lists. Lots of lists. And a plan for when crazy is a close destination. ::Toasthugs::
This is kind of a small thing but I’ve found that having little zippered clothing organizers to keep within my suitcase really helps when living out of it for a long time. Mine are Eagle Creek I think and I got them for not very much at TJ Maxx; I think you could probably get some at Target etc too. It’s just nice to not have to dig through a mixed-up jumble of clothes to find a pair of clean underwear every morning.
Also, having lived in LA for a while and now being in SF, come up! It’s expensive and the beach isn’t as good, but people are so nice here.
As for dealing with uncertainty and anxiety, I definitely feel you. I think having a safety net/back-up plan is good if you can work it; maybe you come up here knowing that if you’re miserable in three to six months, you can always head back down and stay with your family? But I always find that for me, anxiety about moving somewhere new is far worse before I take the plunge; once I’m actually doing the thing, it’s more fun and less scary than I expected.
it is not easy, but remember it is temporary. It will pass, and you will have such appreciation for the next phase. It’ll work out. You’ll get there.
It’s Mardi Gras and I live in New Orleans so I’m super hungover and “working” from my couch whilst slamming water. What are your miraculous hangover cures? Today I went with Midol, Wendy’s breakfast, and a shower, but I’m open to suggestions.
I try to chug as much water as possible the night before and eat food. If I can’t do that: I wake up the next day in an incredible amount of pain, eat as much food as I can fit in my stomach, and then go back to sleep. I usually wake up at 4 PM, able to stand and maybe do stuff but probably not.
Which is a long way to say: yo, I’m old now and there is NO CURE.
I am still a youngin’ (25), but I noticed a STEEP difference between the ages of 22 and 23. I’ve upped my daily water intake significantly recently though, and that seems to have quelled the worst of it.
My go-to, in this order: a big Gatorade, Advil, coffee, depending on condition of stomach (a) something salty + greasy, (b) big udon soup, or (c) chicken broth with a squeeze of lemon. As much water between all of this as you can manage. Somehow water is not something you want in such a state, though it’s what’s most needed.
One of my favorite hangover treats is a giant Thirstbuster filled mostly with blue Powerade but the top 1/4 or so of Sprite. Something about the carbonation does wonders for me.
Weed + sausage, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel + water + diner coffee + OJ + all the advil
Water, coffee, and a cigarette, then a good poop. Followed with a Vitamin Water Revive (it has to be revive) and a chipotle burrito with guac. Works every time.
Those vitamin waters are fucking magic.
Gatorade, ibuprofen, a huge helping of greasy potatoes, and an optional 10mg of Ritalin if you have to go do something that isn’t lying in bed watching GBBO.
One of my friends is being kind of a jerk lately.
I’m very happily single- and she keeps pushing me to jump into relationships with random people just because they are there. Not even just encouraging me to flirt with people- she is trying to set me up with literally anyone even though I’ve explicitly expressed that I’m not interested in relationships at this point in my life. My last relationship was somewhat traumatic for me, and I’m just not interested in having a romantic relationship. She is in a long term relationship and they have been talking about getting married… She keeps telling me she is worried about me because, “eventually I’m going to want more than just a cat.” and she’ll comment about my age. We’ve been friends for 10 years, but this kind of behavior is really pissing me off. I’m just venting.
Nope! Nope! Nope!
nooooooot cooooooool at aaaaaallllllllll.
You are 100% within your rights to tell her to knock it the fuck off.
I’ve tried to tell her to knock it off, but she has the steamroller personality. I’m to the point where I’m just avoiding her because I’m bad with conflict.
Can you turn that into a tactic? Like, hang out with her until she does the thing and then refuse to engage? (Now that I say it it sounds really passive-aggressive, but then she’s being just flat-out aggressive, so.)
Maybe. I am thinking at this point I just have to gather courage, sit her down and say: “Hey- you are irritating the hell out me. I know you love me, so show it by loving me and not trying to force me into dating.” So I probably will try to do it this weekend. I need to. I just don’t particularly want to.
You can tell her you’re doing this! “Friendperson, it bothers me so much when you make disparaging comments about my relationship status that it’s making it uncomfortable for me to even be around you anymore.”
If she won’t even listen to that, it… might be time to continue avoiding her, like, foreverish, because she’s telling you she really doesn’t care about you.
thank you so much. I’m going to try to talk to her this weekend.
Good luck!
I would also ask her why she finds your singledom so troubling – because clearly she is acting out for SOME reason, and it’s much more likely about HER. Is she scared of the changes in her life? Is she worried you’ll drift apart if she gets married and you find joy and strength in being on your own? Does she have some weird internalized belief that being alone is a fate worse than death? Maybe you’ll give her pause that she’ll look at herself rather than criticizing you… But definitely let her know, too, that by not respecting your wishes in this, she is disrespecting YOU, and that is Not Okay. You know what you need. If she can’t grasp that, she doesn’t get to be in your life.
I would definitely guess it has to do with some insecurity on her part.
It could also be * armchair pyschology alert* that she’s having doubts about her relationship and her pushing you into a relationship is a way to prove to herself that being is single is terrible/not a valid and she’s making the right choice by staying in her current relationship. I definitely second that it sounds like her own issues with singledom that she’s projecting on you.
I have a very bossy friend who I sometimes have to tell to back off. She can be really pushy. It’s occasionally charming when her pushing does get me to do something I was sort of planning on doing but hadn’t quite gotten around to. It’s not charming when it crosses that line into bossy telling me what to do for my own good territory. I’ve made my peace with this friend’s approach because she can take what she dishes out, in that if she tells you what to do and you call her out on it, she’s not ashamed but she does back down.
I think it’s really hard with friends to see someone else going down a different path and not judge it. If you go left and are happy, its hard to see someone else turn right and be like, “no no I’m happy” with something you’d hate. Especially if you had something rough happen in your last relationship she might be thinking, “oh I have to help get her back on the horse”, “she thinks she’s ok but she needs HELP”. This issue has come up with a LOT of my friends in one way or the other during our mid to late twenties, when we all started to pick lives for ourselves that made each other uncomfortable (some of us had babies fast, some waited, etc).
I think you can talk to your friend about this directly. If she’s a good friend of many years and you want to keep being friends, you gotta get through this. Even if she ends up married to 3 husbands and having 9 kids, and you live alone on an island as a sea witch, you just have to hash it out and agree to disagree.
I’d probably say something like, “why is it important to you that I get dating right away?” And then I’d be like, “listen I love that you care about me, but a bad relationship is worse for me than being alone. If I never dated again, would we still be able to be friends and still have things to talk about? Can you let go of trying to set me up, because I need it? I promise that I won’t ever try to talk you out of being with someone, and I’ll be here for that, but you gotta give me my space.” Maybe also point out that you do have more than a cat, you have a friend of 10 years and you want to keep her as part of a rich life.
There are some people who just…put romance at the center of their lives. They can’t believe anyone else would be fulfilled without it. Your friend maybe has created a hobby around that, which is helping other people have a purpose by finding love. Is she one of the first to get settled down or one of the last, she might be trying to drag you along with her. I think you gotta just knock that idea out of her brain.
I’m having one of those days where I am just so tired of everything at work.
I’m tired of working in a library where the books are in a small locked storage area in the basement of the building. I’m tired of having a yearly acquisitions budget that’s just a few thousand dollars more than my salary. I’m tired of being pushed by my boss to “market library services” when she knows damn well we don’t have the money to offer real services (our policy analysts don’t want the occasional one-off book purchase! they want expensive data sets and subscriptions to specialized databases that we can’t afford to pay for!). I’m tired of feeling trapped in a job with absolutely no potential for career development and where I have to fill up my time with busywork because the lack of money means there’s no scope for useful or interesting projects. I’m tired of my shitty coworkers.
I have an interview on Wednesday and I am going to have to put all my energy into not radiating desperation at the interview panel because I am so ready to leave. I’ve been ready to leave since I got here.
I’m sorry. That sounds miserable. I am also having a bad bad bad day at work, and trying to keep a happy face on as much ass possible but really just trying to distract myself until I can go the fuck home.
You are skilled, experienced, and pleasant to work with. Remind yourself. List for yourself examples that demonstrate your skill, experience, and interpersonal ease. Then potential future employers will see your value radiating from you. And you will have ready answers to why they should hire you.
Let us know how it goes on Wednesday, please. You deserve better pay, better coworkers, better working conditions. ::Toasthugs::
Since this week marked the beginning of Nikki’s aquaintance with John Cho, let’s have a thread about celebrity encounters! Who did you meet? Did anyone embarass theirselves?
The “best” story I can offer is that I once took a day off in high school (with permission from my teacher) to attend a major book fair. The only reason I wanted to go there was to meet Meg Cabot who I adored at this point in my life.
So I got to meet her; she was lovely, we took a picture, I handed her a hand-written letter and a jar of Nutella and afterwards she mentioned me by name in her blog to thank me.
Other story: I coincidentally got within meters of Queen Silvia and King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden years later.
What are your stories?
Gordon (Roscoe Orman) from Sesame Street at an ALA midwinter meeting some years back. I shook his hand but could not speak. Just couldn’t get the words out, because I was standing next to Gordon from Sesame Street.
I’ve met him, too! He married a woman I was an acquaintance of, and before she left town to marry him I had to pick up some paperwork from her – and there was Gordon, in her apartment, lounging on the sofa. I told him that my husband credited him and Morgan Freeman with his lack of racism (his entire family is heinous that way) – because they were the first two black men he ever saw, as a toddler, and by the time people were trying to teach him that black men were scary, he felt like he knew that they weren’t, because Gordon was his friend. Anyway, Gordon (Roscoe) was very gracious and awesome in real life.
That is exactly why I had trouble speaking! Gordon and Susan were the first black people I saw (my mother often bemoaned the lack of diversity in our small town) and they were, in my mind, my good friends. So by the time my horizons expanded, I was unafraid and able to judge people on their own merits.
But I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth.
It’s wonderful the impact of that show. They set out to show black and hispanic kids a representation of themselves on tv, but they ended up also introducing generations of white suburban and small-town kids to positive representations of black and hispanic people. <3
while incredibly stoned at a concert in colorado a few months ago, i met megan rapinoe and it was overwhelming to say the LEAST.
also i absolutely love that you gave meg cabot a jar of nutella.
Haha, yeah, she mentioned on her blog that she LOVED Nutella, so it was a natural choice 🙂
Meg Cabot used to run a site called Sheroes along with Tamora Pierce, and I lived on that site for most of middle school. They both seem like such lovely people! Tamora came to my city and I messaged her and asked if she would like to join me and some other Sheroes members for dinner. This is something that only a 12-year-old with no self-awareness would think was acceptable, but somehow it WORKED and I had dinner with her and some other awesome ladies.
Wow, that’s awesome!!
I think I would have drooled on myself if I’d met Megan Rapinoe.
When I was a teenager I met Jason Schwartzman a bunch of times because I went to a lot of Phantom Planet shows. I was too young to get into a lot of the venues so my dad would come with me to get me in and he and Jason became buddies and bonded over their love for The Who. One time I went to see them without my dad and the first thing Jason said when he saw me was “How’s Bill?” Thanks a lot for stealing my thunder, dad.
Ronald Reagan hugged me a baby. I have spent my adulthood attempting to make up for that
I met David Byrne in Brazil because a friend from college worked for him (something I did not know until she literally introduced me to her boss “David”.) I got to have dinner with just the two of them and he was spectacular – charming and easy to talk to. The next day we went on a bike tour with a whole bunch of people and I had the strange experience of David Byrne sidling up to me occasionally because he knew me a little bit. He also shared his cachaca shots with me. A++
This is amazing. My partner would be SO JEALOUS.
Fuck that, *I’m* jealous.
I met Britney Spears once. When I was in high school my family lucked into an amazing vacation rental on a Caribbean island through friends-of-friends (we are not the luxury vacation type). One day we signed up for a snorkeling tour, and our boat left from the dock of the Four Seasons, where it turns out Britney was staying. As we were preparing to board our little boat, a golf cart comes motoring down the dock and off of it steps Britney and a friend, who were getting on to the boat just opposite ours. She said “hi” and I was too dumbstruck to say anything but “hi” back. This was a couple months before she flew to Las Vegas and got married for 55 hours.
I accidentally hit Bryan Lee O’Malley (the guy who wrote & drew the Scott Pilgrim series) in the face once because I was carrying a giant backpack of camping equipment on the subway and happened to sit next to him. I only knew who he was because it was during comiccon and he had an exhibitor badge on.
I also saw John Kerry at a performance of Spamalot, which was unexpected.
From what I know of O’Malley, he was probably completely cool with that.
Celebrities probably *love* being hit the face occasionally. Makes them feel like normal people.
Most of the celebrities I’ve met are MLS players, since my parent’s closest friends (my pseudo-godparents) are an MLS coaching family. I was in DaMarcus Beasley’s hotel room when I was 16 (it was not scandalous, I was up there with my godparents’ daughter and my little sister to tell him to come down for an event). I also have a picture with Landon Donovan but I look awful in it, so I don’t share it around.
Most recent one was Tuesday evening: dropping something off at a cafe round the corner from my house. I walked in and Bill Nye was sitting directly in the path to the counter, drinking a coffee and reading the paper. I immediately started muttering “be cool” to myself and didn’t stop until I was safely out the door!
Tim Daly used to live up the street from me. Also, I am pretty sure that I saw Kate Burton at a restaurant last week.
One time I was 22, working as a server in a big city, thinner and hotter than I had ever been, and out eating a drinking at a restaurant with some of the other lady-servers I worked with (one of their boyfriends worked there, which is how we could afford it). We were DRINKING. There may have been drugs, I can’t remember.
Well, two tables over was Chris O’Donnell. We were very excited, and kept yelling “Mad Love!”. And then we tried to send him a drink. He very politely declined. When we kept engaging with him, he leaned over, pulled out his wallet, and showed us like 20 pictures of his beautiful wife and 4 children.
We were like “…. whatever dude”.
Basically, Chris O’Donnell is a good dude, and I feel sorry for celebrities who are working in other cities making movies and just want to have dinner and go to bed and are sick of room service.
when i was working at an ice cream store, sir ian mckellen came in. he was shorter than i thought he would be, mostly because in my mental picture of him, he is always towering over hobbits.
I got to stand near Alan Rickman once (at a play he directed in NYC).
I opted not to approach him, because he was having a nice time chatting with friends and I didn’t want to bother him. And, honestly, I didn’t think I could get through it without flailing my arms and possibly peeing myself in excitement.
Probably the best move.
I used to work at the Whole Foods in Tribeca, Whole Foods to THE STARS (legit, there was a whole slide in our orientation power point about not bothering the nice famous people), and so I’ve had a couple encounters with random actors. A few Orange is the New Black cast members, Harvey Keitel, some “hey! it’s that guy!” character actors. My favorites, though, were Stephen Baldwin, who ate multiple days in a row at the burger bar I cooked at, and was surprisingly low key, and Jesse Bradford (of Bring It On and Swimfan fame) who came up and asked me where we kept the hard liquor. I sadly had to explain that grocery stores in NY state cannot sell wine or hard liquor, he turned away dejected with only strawberries in his cart.
Also, apparently Taylor Swift shopped there, but I never saw her.
“dejected with only strawberries in his cart”
Poor Jesse.
I bet Taylor Swift disguised herself. I don’t know why, but she seems like the type to me?
And where do you buy your hard liquor, if not in a grocery store??
At the liquor store! NYS has tried many times to get wine into groceries stores, but the small business liquor store lobby is too strong! I lived in the midwest for a brief period of time, and the first time I went into Target and saw the hard liquor aisle I was very confused.
In Oregon you can get beer and wine at the grocery store but anything else is sold at a state-run liquor store. I am also very disoriented in stores with hard liquor in them. I was jealous as hell when I found out that in other states you can get Trader Joe’s brand vodka and whatnot.
I used to attend Cleveland Orchestra concerts frequently, and got to meet a number of amazing musicians who came out to sign autographs.
I haven’t quite gotten over meeting Vladimir Ashkenazy– I went to shake his hand, but he had a cold so he just grinned and shook my forearm up and down instead. A very lovely man!
I met Julian Lloyd Weber once and it was very awkward. The soloists had come out into the lobby after the concert to meet the public, and since I was sitting way back in the cheap seats, I was one of the first people out in the lobby. I really just wanted to meet Evelyn Glennie (who was lovely) but JLW was just standing there alone, so I felt it was my duty to say hi.
I also met Samuel Ramey backstage at the opera and it was very awkward too because I was totally tongue-tied and couldn’t think of anything to say, but he was politely staring and listening to ME. (I had really come backstage because I wanted to meet Dwayne Croft and give him a hug, which he graciously allowed. He was darling.)
TW: mention of suicide
Apropos of his recent suicide, Dave Mirra (pro BMX guy) grew up where I live now, and I was out one night with some dudes from the bike shop I work at, and he was there, and the dudes were really squee-y and I was like, let’s go say hi we are bike people, and they were like “OMG NO” so I did, and Dave was really, really nice, especially considering I was fairly tipsy at the time and definitely pointed out the guys who were too shy to come say hi, hahah.
I’m pretty upset about his death, because he was someone I really looked up to as a wannabe BMX kid (and his video games are the only ones I can say with some degree of certainty that I might be world’s greatest at), but this story makes me really happy. He seemed like he was such a nice guy, and that he was from CNY, where I’m from, was pretty cool to young kid me.
When I was 12 or 13, my mom and I were waiting for my dad in the Arrivals terminal at Toronto Pearson when I was like, “Um, I’m pretty sure that’s Eugene Levy.” And sure enough, it was him. I hid, embarrassed, behind a pillar as my mom went over and asked for an autograph. Instead of pulling out a pen, she pulled out a tampon! He was very lovely.
The tampon thing could happen to me as well.
Eugene Levy is the perfect actor to ask to sign his autograph with a tampon.
Met Alan Cumming when I was 16 at the stage door of Studio 54. I had a pretty high fever and had been waiting for a long time, so when his people said “no autographs” and pushed him through the crowd I somehow decided I was exempt from that and actually leaned into the car he was climbing into to get him to sign my program. I am not proud of this. I met him again in 2014 though and handled myself much better.
That was also the summer I met Mads Mikkelsen, who is a sweetheart and didn’t blink at my hysterical nervous laughter or sudden total aphasia. I wish I hadn’t been in like, a twitterpated fugue state and maybe could have actually appreciated what was happening.
Oh MAN I would literally die meeting Sensual Lizard Man Who Loves Dog Boy.
As you can probably tell, my sister (right) and I are both on the verge of a meltdown.
I also got to meet Small Sad Lesbian (Katharine Isabelle) at that same convention! She’s an angel and surprisingly wasn’t mobbed so I chatted with her for a few minutes. I asked her about doing a sex scene with Dog Boy and she got all giggly.
I’M DYYYYYYIIINNNGGGGGGGGGG
Once before a Cradle of Filth concert (I know, I know, I was 16 okay?) I went into a noodle bar to use the toilet, and one of the guitarists and the backing vocalist were in there eating.
I recognised them, panicked, and walked away in the opposite direction, but my boyfriend at the time went over to talk to them, so eventually I went over too. I probably looked really intense and mortified. I think I asked them if they’d been to a local museum (trying to act cool), and they said they’d been to a battle reenactment on a nearby hill.
I think the only celebrity I’ve ever met was Henry Winkler. I was a (non-dirtbag) teen working at a bookstore, and he was doing a signing for a series of children’s books that he wrote. He was incredibly delightful!
I was the hapless PR coordinator who had to escort John de Lancie (Q) and Robert Picardo (the doctor from Voyager) around to interviews and stuff when he was in town for a Star Trek at the Symphony show. Robert Picardo was lovely and put me at ease, but John de Lancie was terrifying, not least because he is the son of the oboe god of the Philadelphia school (and I had just graduated university on oboe and ran an oboe webcomic, so it was a substantial part of my life), and I was (and am) a big TNG fan.
Anyway, I have blocked out most of my interactions with the latter due to embarrassment, but I remember wandering around our local hospital (it was across from the TV set where he was going to be interested) trying to find the Tim Horton’s, which got his order wrong. Also I asked what he had been doing lately (uuuugh unprepared 21-year-old PR person-monster) and he asked if I had heard of Breaking Bad.
I also met Laurie Anderson after a concert and talk/workshop! She signed a CD for me and I told her how much I love how empathetic her music is towards audiences, and she looked kind of surprised and pleased. I have many, many warm feelings about Laurie Anderson.
And! Dan Deacon did a show with the orchestra where I worked, and the interim-building-manager and I took him out and got him drunk.
I have also met Dan Deacon! So nice!
You ran an oboe webcomic?? Is it still out there?
Alas, it vanished into the mists a few years back. I still have all the originals, though, so I’m trying to put them up on Tumblr. They’re pretty niche and nerdy, though, fair warning.
so much love
“an oboe webcomic”
I think you might be the most Toast-y Toastie who ever Toasted.
My favorite part of this story is that Robert Picardo was lovely. I have always loved him and it would have broken my heart to read otherwise.
I’ve only ever heard nice things about him!
I worked in NYC right when the Pinkberries of the world started taking over–for my birthday one year, my coworkers went out with me in the afternoon to some such place. As we walked in, I had to squeeze between a big guy in a suit and a tall lady but didn’t really look at them.
I made a dumb joke about the plain flavor–it was called tart and had a picture of something next to it, where the strawberry had a picture of a strawberry and I said something like, “what is that a picture of? tart?”–and my coworkers LOST THEIR MINDS laughing so hard. I had no idea what was going on but hey, apparently my jokes are great, so I kept talking about it.
Then, the tall lady I had squeezed past turned and looked at me full in the face and it was TYRA BANKS and she said “yeah!! it’s like it’s the citric acid or something!!” and I froze, staring at her right in the face and said “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….yeah!” My friends were laughing at me because I hadn’t noticed I was acting like a dumbass in front of Tyra Banks.
And then I was horrified and we hightailed it out of there. Tyra deets: she was with a security guy (the guy in the suit) and a twinky young friend, bought all of them frozen yogurt, had SO MUCH makeup on her face looked like a damn mask, and her shoes were the tallest heels I’ve ever seen.
What a hilarious story!
Many years ago, I was in a dive bar here in Nashville, and was introduced to Woody Harrelson. I was tipsy, and tv’s were smaller back then, so perhaps that explains what I said: “Wow, it’s so nice to meet you, and see you actual-size.” I meant “as opposed to tiny on my tv screen,” but by the way he stalked off, I assume he thought it was a dig at how I towered over him (I’m 5’10”, and was wearing heels)… oops.
A couple of years before that, in the early 90s, Tom Wopat (the lesser Duke brother, and at that time, country music recording artist) hit on me in a bar.
Love this thread! At the height of my The L Word obsession (ahh.. how times have changed…), I sat next to Jennifer Beals on a rental car shuttle bus at LAX.
Bette Porter is largely responsible for my queer awakening, so it was very exciting. I, of course, did not say a word and never even looked in her direction after I realized who she was.
Johnny Depp, back in his Jumpstreet days. He came through my till in the record store I worked at. I’m pretty sure I blushed furiously the whole time, and I had to ask if he had any smaller bills because he tried to pay for a couple of cds with a $100 bill, and we’d only just opened so I didn’t have much change.
Ran into Josh Holloway once on the street while he was here filming. He was super-nice and very kindly gave an autograph.
Quasi-Celebrity meeting: I met Mallory at a signing in LA and she told me I looked like a sexy librarian and I literally died right there and my soul ascended into the ethereal plane.
Real Celebrity Meeting: I took my sister to a hipster hamburger place in a section of LA that isn’t Hollywood, but kind of borders it. A guy in ratty workout clothes and a beanie practically pulled over his eyes comes in with a smokin’ hot lady in yoga pants. I look at the guy; I whisper to my sister that I think it’s Colin Farrell.
Anyway, so, turns out it WAS Colin Farrell, and maybe he heard me whisper? Because the restaurant was nearly empty and he like STARED at us and the table next to us for A WHILE. Like, I’m eating my burger, being UNCOMFORTABLY stared at by Colin Farrell.
Anyway, the guys at the table next to us had their phones out at one point and Farrell came over to their table and lectured them to PUT. THEM. AWAY. He didn’t want ANYTHING on fb/twitter/whatever. Which, I totally get! But he was super aggressive about it and kind of threatening? Like, maybe… these guys were just texting? Or using tinder? You know, like humans who pay money to eat and socialize at a place do?
He also took his sweatshirt off at one point, which practically took his shirt off, and I can attest that the dude is ripped.
Classical Music Celebrity: Once I was in a rush to meet a boyfriend at a Thai restaurant near the SF Symphony, and I almost tackled Michael Tilson Thomas because I wasn’t looking where I was going. He was wearing the tiniest, bluest little Nazi-from-Indiana-Jones glasses, and looked deeply annoyed.
Grocery Store Celebrities: I once stood in line at the grocery store behind Wayne Newton. He was chatting about a concert he was giving in LA, and he literally looked like a human cat person in a track suit.
Quasi-Celebrity BUT NOT TO ME. I met Mallory at a Toast meetup/party in OAK and fangirled so hard I HUGGED her and said “OMG you are one of the reasons I moved to the Bay Area!” Which is 100% true but I never realized I’d get the chance to tell her face to face. Plus, a little scary from a complete stranger 🙂 Then I bought several ladies drinks and Nick bought me a drink and I felt complete.
I moved to the area recently and I really hope there is another one of these get-togethers in the future because this sounds amazing.
Me toooooooo.
Glenn Close rode my horse once. She and her daughter were going on a trip somewhere a few autumns ago which was going to involve riding. Glenn hadn’t ridden in a while, so she wanted to get back into the saddle a bit before the trip. That summer she rode at the same barn I ride at and that my aunt manages (I think Glenn knew the owners or something). Anyways, day one my aunt puts Glenn on my horse. My horse was actually nice for once and didn’t do anything bad with a new rider. Glenn ended up riding a different horse for the rest of the summer though who was more consistently sweet and easy to ride.
The first and only time that I actually saw Glenn was on a day I was working at the barn and there was also a fly-in happening on the runway at the property. So there I was dirty and gross and shoveling horse shit when this beautiful woman in a white linen summer suit (you know the kind that Mary Berry wears sort of), green blouse, floral scarf, and sunglasses walks up and starts talking to me about the horse in the paddock with me. We chat horse stuff for a few minutes and mention the planes and then she leaves. On a motorcycle. To this day my only goal for being middle aged is to be as effortlessly graceful/beautiful/stylish/kind/badass as Glenn Close was that afternoon. I will say that it was not until after she jumped on the bike that I knew who she was- I blame the sunglasses.
I interned on a play that Neil Simon workshopped at my university before he took it to New York. I sat behind him in the theatre seats when he did notes for the cast (just to ~absorb his genius~ or some damn thing–I was young), and he was very gracious in signing an autograph for me. Nathan Lane was a sweetheart and always had a kind, funny word for everyone. Bittie Schram (from A League of Our Own): ditto. I used to stand in the back of the theatre with JK Simmons and snark on the rehearsals like Statler and Waldorf (oh, my God, was I friends with JK Simmons???). Other actors were standoffish or just focused on their work, but those were the highlights I still remember fondly.
In the course of my job, I’ve worked with the likes of Claudia Black, Ice-T, and tons of voice actors ’cause, you know, video games.
The first time I went to NYC, I ate dinner at a nice restaurant, and Noah Wyle was at a table in my line of sight, and I was an ER fan who found it very distracting! Never did more than sneak peeks, though.
I met Justin Trudeau back when he was still a baby MP! Nearly all of my friends have met him/run into him though, so that’s not as huge a story as it could be anymore. (One friend got a selfie with him on the day the new Cabinet was sworn in, two friends sat right in front of him on a plane from Pittsburgh last year, and we’ve all seen him at restaurants around the capital). Late last year, I also attended a book signing with Chris Hadfield & I basked in the glorious moustache!
My mom has all the great ~celebrity sightings though. She physically ran into Madeleine Albright & apologized profusely. She encountered Paris Hilton as Paris was angrily dragging her valet? across the airport while the poor man was trying to carry multiple Louis Vuitton suitcases (none with wheels, of course). She’s run into a few other politicians, but her greatest ever sighting was William Petersen (aka Grissom from CSI). She became so shy & blushed as they made eye contact & he smiled! It’s made her life, it’s really adorable.
I met Bruce Coville, author and producer of full cast audio recordings and I fangirled at him and he was charming.
Robert Jordan signed a book for me once. He didn’t look at me. He just looked tired.
Anyway, I want to share that in general, I have the most hilarious bad luck with celebrity encounters! Like, when I was working in the restaurant industry, I’d have a day off and then the next day everyone would be freaking out about Nicolas Cage or Jodie Foster or whomever being in.
Oh! Except one time I was at an anti-Death-Penalty summit at my awesome community college and Angela Davis (!!!!!!) was there and i was waiting for the bathroom and suddenly realized that Angela Davis (!!!!!!) was standing BEHIND ME and then I fell all over myself letting her have the bathroom first because I am the awkwardest.
I haven’t met anyone, but I contemplated stealing the dogs of one of the Supernatural actors (the one who was on Gilmore Girls, Jared something). I wasn’t actually going to do it, and I didn’t know they were his but still.
I was having drinks with a friend on a patio and there were these two adorable dogs tied up across the street. We are both huge dog people who don’t have dogs at the moment so we commented on how adorable they were, which devolved into saying that it was practically animal abuse to leave cute dogs tied up for so long with no one to pet their soft little ears and we should definitely take them. We had a whole plan and everything. Then, eventually their owner came and got them and we realized it who it was and that if we had taken them everyone would probably have assumed it was one of his overinvested fans. So I didn’t actually meet him and I can’t remember his name, but I can confirm that his dogs are super cute.
I was in an elevator at DragonCon once with a pack of Klingons (not together, just all going the same direction – not that I have anything against Klingons – one of them told me he did have a phaser in his pocket but was also happy to see me) when Jason Mewes got on. He was totally Jay, ranting from the second he got on to the second he got off. “What the fuck floor am I on? What fuckin’ floor am I going to? What the fuck?” The rest of us were all silent, and shared bewildered glances when he got off the elevator, ranting down the hallway.
I played frisbee with The Barenaked Ladies after a free show once. (This was before they were Big.)
When I was 12, my dad and his then-boyfriend took me to the Pride concert in the park in Atlanta that was being headlined by the B-52s (a perennial fave). I got to meet Kate Pierson and they all signed a shirt for me.
12 hours late but here goes…
Hugh Jackman is my peak celebrity moment. When he toured The Boy From Oz here I was working for the Australian Girls Choir (former choir girl here!) who sang in the show doing I Still Call Australia Home.
So one day (when I wasn’t actually working) I went to see the matinee with my Mum and Hugh was going to go backstage to meet the girls and take a photo with them between shows that day, and since I had my staff backstage pass on me, I got to go back and meet him too! He had obviously come straight from the shower and I can confirm he looks GOOD in track pants! He was lovely and so nice to the girls, and nodded to us staff and said hi, and that’s my encounter!
I met Robert Rodriguez (and his dogs) for job related reasons (the man, not the dogs). He was very nice and polite. I always think he kind of looks like a doofus in photos, but he was VERY attractive in person. I still can’t quite figure out how that works. Pheremones or something, I guess.
Very belated, but oh well. I met my favorite band (though they’re not super famous, but it was extremely exciting to me) and made them all little wooden dolls / action figures of themselves. They liked them. We’re friends now and I go to their shows and they wave to me during the performance and then we hang out, but I’m still star-struck.
But before I met them, I had a dream about meeting one of them. They speak French (“the Quebecian dialect of French”), and I speak some though I’m not fluent, so I occasionally have dreams where I’m speaking not-fluent French. I dreamed I met one of the guys and he said something friendly, and I was so tongue-tied that all I could say was “Quinze!” (Which means fifteen.) He replied, “That is a number.” (When I really met him later, I told him and he laughed. I have another fan friend, and she and I sometimes greet each other with “Quinze!”)
I took a lot of photos of this baby turtle having difficulty eating a fish head last weekend at the aquarium. He kept trying to jam it into his mouth with his flippers, having to chase off the fish that kept trying to steal it, and not sink to the bottom of the tank.
(if you go to the flickr page- pic is a link – and click left you can see more of them, I wasn’t going to embed about 20 pictures)
You can do it, turtle! I’m rooting for you!
So a little more than a year ago, my husband ended up going to the ER in an ambulance due what turned out to be the combination of an extreme (10 out of 10) migraine and panic attack. I can’t adequately describe what that looked like in the moment, but suffice it to say it was terrifying to witness – I honestly thought he might be dying.
And it turns out…my husband doesn’t remember any of this. He’s completely blocked it out. With prompting, he vaguely recalls sitting in the ER itself, but that’s it. And on one hand, that’s good, because it was clearly a traumatizing event, and he doesn’t need those memories. And on the other hand…I’m almost angry. Because I remember everything.
I remember what I was wearing. I remember what I was cooking for dinner. I remember how it seemed like a “normal” migraine at first and how I got progressively more worried over the course of the next few hours. I remember calling a friend for advice. I remember calling 911. I remember him screaming in pain if he tried to open his eyes. I remember trying to find his shoes. I remember each bump of the ambulance. I remember I wasn’t wearing makeup because I’d taken the day off from work. I remember that it was a Tuesday. I remember every single detail of that miserable fucking night.
And he gets to forget all of it.
Blocking things out is one of my brain’s coping mechanisms, too, and something that felt helpful with my partner was being able to sort of make space for each of us to hear and acknowledge what a particular experience was like for the other person. Which, full disclosure, we did in the context of couples’ counseling. You also had a traumatizing experience, and he doesn’t need to be able to remember it all or remember in the same way as you to be able to hold the knowledge that it was deeply painful for you and to listen and understand what you have to say about your experience of it. At least, that’s how I came to understand what made this dynamic better in my relationship. Good luck.
Are you angry at him, as your language suggests? Because “blocking something out” to that degree is not really a conscious choice, especially if it involves trauma or strong painkillers/sedation. I once had a difficult surgery and spent several days afterwards in the hospital, alternately in a lot of pain or doped up. I don’t have many memories of the earliest phase of that, especially the first night. I doubt your husband “got to” shut those memories off. Is the problem that he doesn’t seem to respect or care about how difficult the night was for you? Because that’s something you could bring up with him, gently.
Or is it just that you’re angry that this happened to you and your loved one at all? If he’s recovered and you’re still feeling it a year later, it sounds like you might want to talk to someone about it. Bystander trauma is real.
Oh, no, I totally get that it’s not conscious! As I said, I’m glad that he doesn’t have to carry those memories with him. I’m just kind of…resentful that he doesn’t remember it at all – like at all, barely even that it happened – whereas I can’t forget.
Slightly OT, but I read this little article this other day, which says how people in hospital ICUs (ie people experiencing various severe medical traumas) often do lose their memories of these events and times. https://aeon.co/opinions/the-mental-suffering-of-…
I think it’s quite fair for you to be upset that you now carry that burden of memory by yourself. Just as you took care of him, remember to also take care of yourself too. Hopefully he will also understand that and help you too. Best wishes.
Thanks, I was just looking for this. Hospital stays can do weird things to people, through no fault of their own.
I have found that the “dumping out” circle of support…model, I guess?… to help navigate the frustration and trauma that can be sustained as the caretaker. The model basically places the one being taken care of (i.e. sick, injured, etc) at the center of a series of circles with the immediate caretakers in the circle just outside of it, and then the people supporting the caretakers outside that one, and so on and so forth and the rule of thumb is when needing validation or support or venting or dumping feelings or whatever (because we all need to do some of that), dump outward, to those less close to the situation.
I’m not sure if that’s as applicable to your situation, because it sounds like it’s a frustration regarding the lack of fairness in the world, but I thought I might mention it in case it’s useful to you. :S Sorry, that sounds really painful and a difficult situation.
Toastie who recommended the Budget Bytes broccoli-rice-cheese casserole: thank you! I’ve been eating it for lunch all week with some leftover pork tenderloin in lemon mustard sauce and it has been delicious. Anyone else have tasty lunches going on?
I think that was me – you’re welcome! I can’t wait to make it again.
I’ve been eating salads all week– baby spinach, artichoke hearts, roasted beets, Trader Joe’s rosemary chicken breast, diced apple, and goat cheese. Good stuff!
Oh, maybe next week is hearty salad week because that sounds amazing.
That’s my Standard Work Salad™, when I actually get around to making lunches for the week.
(I keep a spray bottle of balsamic vinegar at my desk for it).
Trader’s Joe’s already-cooked chicken breasts are basically keeping me alive at this point.
… spray bottle of balsamic vinegar. That’s SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
Wegmans sells them (if you have one near you).
Budget Bytes chili mac, with added lentils. Bonus — I have enough pasta, cheese, and tomato sauce leftover to make another batch, all I need is another package of ground beef. Cheesy, delicious comfort food lunches for dayyssssss.
I made my second batch of the vegetarian chili mac for lunch this week… so good.
That is on the list for dinner sometime soon (spouse doesn’t eat meat)! I think instead of using umpteen cans of beans, though, I’ll just cook up a batch of pinto beans and call it good.
I *finally* got paid after my job fucked up my paycheque two weeks ago, I’m so excited to have lunches again this week – I’ve been surviving off of a single pot of curried lentils and instant oatmeal from the foodbank. At least I got the kind with the dinosaurs!
I think this week I’m going to splurge on frozen soup dumplings and Field Roast veggie sausage. And make a gigantic peanut-ginger veggie stir fry, aw yessss
I’m taking a poll:
I usually leave a few pairs of shoes under my desk at work. (I wear them outside sometimes, so they’re not pristine or anything).
When I came in this morning, I found that the previous night’s cleaning crew had set all of the shoes on top of my desk, and left them there after they vacuumed. (And my garbage can, and everything else in the room).
Leaving a bunch of shoes on someone’s desk is weird and gross, right? It’s not just my and my usual OCD?
…yeah that’s weird. (I left my extra shoes in an unused filing drawer. Can you do that instead?)
Unfortunately, we don’t have much drawer space and I need it all for Super Secret Confidential Documents.
Could you put them in a box or something? then they wouldn’t touch your desk if they put them on there, and also the person doing the cleaning doesn’t have to touch a stranger’s shoes
I guess I’ll do that. I’ve been working here for 5 years, and this has never happened before (so I guess they normally just vacuum around things, if they vacuum at all).
Yeah, seconded! I used to keep my extra work shoes under my desk in a cotton shoe bag. Also, shoes on desk is GROSS do you know how much HUMAN POOP there is on the ground?? [I live in a city with a maddeningly under-served homeless population. 🙁 ]
nope. weird and gross. I keep shoes under my desk, and that would weird me out.
also, strange annoyance: They never put my recycling & garbage cans back in the same place, so i’m constantly throwing things in the wrong bin because muscle memory. i mean, i don’t do anything because someone is cleaning my office and that’s enough for me. but i have a meticulous attention to detail and notice when objects on my desk are moved a few degrees and it unnerves me.
That happened to me too. It’s gross. I asked the manager and she said, “You aren’t supposed to leave things on the floor.” I was like “Shoes, even?” So now I toss them in a catch-all cabinet.
It’s definitely gross! Also shoes on the table = bad luck! Are they trying to curse you?
Uh oh… (turns into a newt)
YES SUCH BAD LUCK. My immediate reaction is “omg that’s terrible luck and also gross.”
I even think it’s gross to leave the garbage can on the desk, tbh. So yeah, shoes are definitely not OK!
Weird and gross! Shoes stay on the floor!!!!
It was especially annoying because I JUST CLEANED MY WHOLE DESK, like, hours before. (With those antiseptic wipey things).
I dunno man, dealing with a bunch of random shoes in their way isn’t their job.
I’ve had many commercial cleaning jobs before (e.g., in hotels), and we were always strongly instructed NOT to touch people’s personal stuff.
(And this was under a part of the desk that you can’t even see, because there’s a file cabinet attached underneath. No one cares if you vacuum under there or not!)
i finally told a friend [in reasonable context] that i thought her boyfriend was not as good to her as he should be / that she deserved more. it went… reasonably well? she cried/admitted she sometimes also thought this.
has anyone else stepped into this minefield before and if so how did it go? feeling both very grateful that i voiced over two years of weird-feelings about him and also like i overstepped, though she assures me i did not.
Good for you for talking to her and not ignoring it! I have been in similar situations with two close friends who are in horrible (and honestly abusive) but long-term relationships. It’s such a hard place to be in, because friends can feel defensive or in denial, or else trapped and unsure how to leave — and you can’t MAKE them immediately change their minds, or feel strong enough to leave. My best friend and I have really struggled with how to be supportive both of someone’s life choices and yet mindful of their happiness and well-being.
I have come to the conclusion that the best thing you can do is be open about your feelings and observations of the relationship, and continue to support her as she works through those feelings. Sometimes just someone else validating your fears is enough to get you to start seriously thinking about leaving/ending this relationship, and as long as you keep supporting them, you can help them find the strength to do so.
Good luck and best wishes.
I struggle with this! Oh, do I struggle. I’ve have two friends whose partners I don’t like. One was a dirtbag misogynist to my face the first time i met him and I called him out. then i found out later that said friend was telling me everything was going great to me, but complained to our mutual friend. So i just shut my mouth, because i don’t want her lying to me. she’s rather have me like a dirtbag than be treated well. and i’m just keeping my mouth shut until she’s had enough, or he learns to treat her right.
my other friend was in a terrible poly relationship and every time we saw her, she was crying about it. she broke up with this person and then got back together. my partner told her, “you can do this, but you can’t cry on our couch three times a week. if this is the right decision, you won’t have to.” basically, she ended up crying on someone else’s couch for another year and alienated a lot of friends because she mistook “support” and “enabling.” They’ve finally broken up–it seems for good–and it feels great to have her back.
basically, i’ve only had terrible luck with this.
Eh. I once told my best friend that I really disliked her boyfriend and thought he did not treat her well. Her reaction was mostly “thanks for that” and she didn’t really come around to my point of view until they had been broken up for YEARS.
Coming at it from the other side – my friends have hated pretty much every guy I’ve ever dated. And they were right not to; most of them have not been nice people. Usually what happens is they keep their mouths shut while we’re dating and then go “FINALLY” when we break up.
But a couple times the guys have been nasty enough for a friend to say something to me. I never took it well, and I’m glad your friend did. But I would often get mad at friends for pointing out the ways in which my boyfriends were nasty and disrespectful, “you don’t understaaaand!” etc.
It sounds to me like your friend was at a point where she’s ready to admit this stuff to herself, and having external validation will probably strengthen her conviction that she’s not being treated right. But I wouldn’t press it any more at this point; I think you should let her come to her own conclusions now that she has this knowledge.
thanks; that’s helpful. i’ve been wondering whether i ever bring it up again // acknowledge that we had this big talk or not
I think you took the right approach in voicing it as concern for her. It is in INDEED such a minefield. I’ve spoken up when friends have asked my opinion, during break-ups, and even this has backfired (they got back together, I turn into the bad guy… they break up again, friend sleeps on my couch, I’m the wise, clairvoyant woman… rinse, repeat). Although in every case I have not liked a partner, the relationship has eventually ended for good, and my friendships have survived. Better to say, “I’m thinking of your well-being/happiness/fun-loving self. How are you feeling in the relationship?” rather than “Your boyfriend is…”
yes, exactly! tried to frame it as wanting such joy for her.
It is a gigantic struggle, and no matter what you say it is hard.
If you can, maybe follow up with something along the lines of “your life, your choices, I’ll back you all the way no matter what you decide”
I had a close friend in college, and her almost-boyfriend said that he wasn’t sure he could date her because she didn’t want to have sex until marriage and he *didn’t know if he could stop himself*
I reacted (I still think quite reasonably) with horror and disgust. She did not react well. And then they started dating and dated for two years and our relationship has never been the same. Sometimes I wonder if I could have been more tactful, but frankly I don’t know how else I was supposed to react to that.
It seems like this is already going better for you, I hope that continues. I still think with great sadness about this friendship. I think you are right to address things but, as always, tread carefully.
wow, i would not have been able to react with anything other than horror or disgust
Also from the other side, I’m currently with a guy who basically all of my friends (and my mother and sister!) have told me they don’t like. I really did appreciate them telling me, because they all did it in very kind, non-intrusive ways, and there were some things that I really didn’t realize were weird until they reminded me. The only hard thing is that I’m still with him for now (he’s not abusive, and no one has said he is, just so this doesn’t seem like a concerning comment) and now I feel like I have no one to talk about him with! Which is kind of lonely.
So my main advice is that for however long it is between now and the end of their relationship, you could try to make it clear that she can still talk to you about it, if you want to support her in that way. It’s totally reasonable not to want to hear complaints about a guy she should just dump already, and you can also tell her that! But if you are willing to hear about it, then in future conversations where she tells you about something not great that he did, don’t reiterate your opinions too strongly, because she knows how you feel now.
Those are really excellent points. Thanks for bringing both sides of the argument to the table.
I’ve been finding ever-flimsier excuses to conference-call into my Fridays-at-noon meeting (it’s a short bus ride away…no, wait, like, the ride is short, not the bus) so that I can be at my computer for open thread time. Oops.
A few months ago I asked for advice on quitting Krav Maga, which was making me increasingly miserable and frustrated but I was afraid of the guilt I’d feel if I quit. You were all lovely and wonderful. I threw myself into it; started going twice a week rather than once and trying to be more positive about it but…ultimately it didn’t help. Ultimately it was just something that makes me unhappy – a big part of that, I think, was that I hadn’t made any connections to my classmates and permanently felt like an outsider; if I’d had friends there it could have been fun. So, I quit, giving myself permission to go back if I missed it. It’s been two months and I absolutely do not miss it, but still feel horribly guilty about being ~a quitter.~ So I think I made the right choice, but can’t say I feel great about it.
I got a membership at the yoga studio near my house, and it suits me much better. I actually feel positive about going and feel good afterwards. I need to go more often though; I think Krav helped keep weight off and I’m not feeling great about my body. (more body talk in the comments.)
I was underweight for most of my life, and never really thought about my weight much or felt like I needed to change anything. For whatever reason(s), since I graduated college in 2013 I’ve been gaining weight and am now on the upper side of average. I want to be ok with it, but I’m kind of…not. I’d rather exercise than majorly change my diet (which isn’t great but could be worse) but feel stuck in this “getting there, doing a little better” phase and never really making major steps or changes. I know what I have to do, but it’s frustrating and I feel kinda stuck.
It’s OK to quit things – not everything is right for you, and sometimes you just have to close a door and go in another direction. I hope yoga continues to be good for you!
It also helps so much to be physically near to something – I took a yoga class this semester, and the only reason I went to to class every single time was because the gym is basically across the street from my house.
Yoga studio 4 blocks away > martial arts gym a half hour drive away. FOR SURE.
And it might help to start thinking about it not as “quitting krav maga” but “changing my workout.” Even within one form (like yoga) it can take some time to find the specific format/teacher that clicks for you.
Having a yoga studio open up a half mile from my house has done wonders for my follow through.
Quitting something that isn’t working well for you is a good thing… especially something as intensely physical as a martial art. If it’s not the right style for you, there’s no good reason to shoehorn yourself into it. There are so many different martial arts, and each one emphasizes such different aspects to focus on. If you end up wanting something more active or contact-oriented than yoga, there are so many other options. And if yoga does turn out to be the one that does it for you, that’s awesome too.
I have so many thoughts about this right now… our eight year old daughter just started karate, so it’s at the forefront of my brain. We spent a *long* time deliberating about what style to let her study, which school to send her to. You have to, I think, if you want to find the right fit.
I was a student of Wing Chun and Bak Mei kung fu for about 5 years. I loved it, and if I had the time and disposable income I’d definitely consider going again; but I don’t let myself regret not doing it anymore, either. Life’s too short for that, especially if Krav Maga wasn’t a great fit for you physically.
*Especially* since Krav is such a power-focused hard-edged style. Power strikes and joint locks are hard-hitting, but hard on your body too. It’s designed to be that way intentionally… disable your opponent before they can disable you, no matter the cost. It’s (and this is just a personal preference/opinion here) not the most sustainable or mindful style, to my way of thinking. It’s great for people who are into it, but for me it would leave me dead inside… and physically compromised by the injury risk. I looked into it when i started in martial arts, and decided against it. Ditto for tae kwon do and for many of the karate styles out there… they all seemed to focus on power, while giving little more than lip service to inner peace.
Kung Fu was much more my personal cup of tea. There’s a huge difference, I think, between a philosophy of “stop the threat and counterattack as soon as possible… preemptively, if necessary” and “the hand comes from the heart” (a saying with multiple meanings… metaphorically as a statement of intentionality, but also literally in that all motion originates at the body’s centerline and point of balance).
The school I studied at was very old school traditional… my teacher had gone back to Fushan in the 90’s to study under one of the last Wing Chun teachers of the old style there, and it was very focused on balance, centeredness, and economy of motion. He also blended in a lot of tai chi and chi gong exercises to the routine, which was already heavily emphasized sensitivity and touch. There were no “belts” like in the more formal karate-style dojos; just an inherent recognition of lineage and respect for tradition on an individual level. It made for a very meditative practice routine, as well as a highly effective defensive system, which didn’t put undue stress on the body and which could be continued throughout life into older age. I am biased, of course; but I have to say that it did save my life once when I was attacked by someone with a knife late one night.
When we went looking for a school for our daughter, I looked into my old school; but they don’t take children under 13; and it’s a bit farther from where we live now. We finally found a karate dojo not too far from us which emphasized the kind of mindfulness and inner harmony which balances outer strength, and would do more than just teach her to hit hard. Watching her practice, it’s very different than what I’m used to; the forms are so much more vibrant and energetic than the almost placid motions I was familiar with. It’s a good fit for her, though, and she’s loving it.
I’m glad that you gave more frequent classes a try and figured out it just wasn’t a good fit! Exercise winds up being a not-insignificant amount of your time over a lifetime- doing something that makes you happy is a much better use of that time than doing something that makes you unhappy. Especially if it also involves getting hit. If you are risking injury, you definitely need to enjoy it (says the person who fractured their hand doing judo and is really looking forward to finally getting back in the dojo tomorrow!)- otherwise the risk/ reward equation just totally sucks. Fun things > unfun things.
So I volunteer in the kiddo’s elementary school library, and it has come to the librarian’s and my attention that the biography section is woefully deficient in women and PoC in STEM fields. (Except for Marie Curie and George Washington Carver). Since I have more discretionary income than the library, I would like to rectify this, at least in part.
So any recs? Tell me about awesome scientists/inventors/etc. Bonus points if someone has written an elementary school level biography about them.
Ada Lovelace! I saw this come out, but haven’t had a chance to read it yet. Looks very neat, though.
Oh, The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage is FANTASTIC. Not, you know, a precise portrayal of historical events, but meticulously researched and so charming. My book spreadsheet says about it “lovely expressive art! gives greater appreciation of Discworld!” which is true, it talks about a lot of things that show up in Terry Pratchett’s books that I would not have guessed were based off history.
Ahh I have so much fun searching for things, so I’m back, having come across this list: http://www.clcd.com/blog/?p=310 The best part though is that it links to this website: http://blackinventor.com/ If you click on some of the different profiles, there are links to biographies, etc. when available.
Also, I thought of Sally Ride and Mae Jemison because astronauts are super cool, always.
Anyway, it’s really heartening to pop on amazon and see how much is available relative to when I was a kid. Such a neat plan, I’d love to hear back about which books you choose!
Those links are great! Thank you!
Rosalind Franklin! There are a few elementary-level bios of her, but I can’t speak to how good they are.
Madam CJ Walker! Inventor of revolutionary hair care products (for the time) for African-American women, entrepreneur and the first African American female millionaire. There are several biographies at the elementary school level, Amazon tells me.
A Mighty Girl has a pretty big selection of recommendations (they mix nonfiction and fiction though) http://www.amightygirl.com/books/general-interest…
I don’t think was on their list, but Mae Jemison (astronaut) wrote an autobiography for middle grader readers
And then Amelia Bloomer puts out a list of their top feminist books published every year–this is the 2016 list which has a ton of STEM related books, which is pretty standard https://ameliabloomer.wordpress.com/2016/01/13/20…
I love A Mighty Girl! If you are on FB anyway, they’re great to follow because they feature mini-bios on all kinds of women (including WOC) who have done non-traditional things, and links to learn more. They also feature contemporary women and girls who are awesome!
Thanks for referencing A Mighty Girl, what a great site! A little friend is turning 6 shortly and I need some inspiration.
As a kid I loved my copy of Dragon in the Rocks, which is about Mary Anning, one of the early paleontologists, and how she started her career as a kid by finding an ichthyosaur skeleton in the rocks near her house.
Physics heavy, and I’ve no idea about elementary school level biographies, but:
– Katherine Johnson! She calculated the trajectory of the Mercury and Apollo 11 missions, and NASA checked computer calculations against hers.
– Chien-Shiung Wu: nuclear physicist, huge impact in experimental work
– Annie Jump Cannon: figured out how to classify stars.
– The Harvard Computers, more generally. Group of women who made huge contributions to astronomy.
– Emmy Noether: mathematician whose theorem underpins more or less all of classical physics.
– Maria Goeppert Mayer: won a Nobel for the shell model of the atom.
– Lise Meitner: ridiculously snubbed for the Nobel, which her male colleagues won for discovering nuclear fission
Shameless plug: I keep a list of historical women in physics and astronomy (roughly pre WWII) on my site.
The summer dirtbag thread is amazing. I was surprised about how much of it involved bikinis and Germany, though. What does it mean???
I finally have phone and internet service, hallelujah! It wasn’t just me–AT&T has been under fire locally for crashes that shut down 911 dispatch and they sent like 50 workers out from Ohio to California, and they’re scared of our Western modems and can’t figure out which streets are one way. All farcical until you need an ambulance. Anyway, it has been an eventful and largely positive few weeks of unpacking and seeing people I’ve missed and walking a lot, but this week I got the blues that are circulating and I need to be finding work to pay for the move and incoming bills, so: Back to life.
Cue the choir of internet angels & good luck finding work! By the way, I am still working on finding someone to stamp the tin for your sign and in case I can’t find them, are you anti-cross-stitch?
Not in the least! Also entirely pro-hand-lettered postcard if it comes to that. 🙂
Sorry about your blues. Very happy for your long awaited internet and phone service. Work will come.
Thank you for being a stabilizing force during my unsettled stretch. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reflexively started to shut down and remembered that if I keep looking there’s probably a way through, around or over thanks to you.
It’s my birthday! My minions put up a Star Wars birthday banner in the library (Minion A: “I got the one with Oscar Isaac because you love him.” I do). I had a vegan-faux-Hostess-cupcake for breakfast and will have more tonight! And I bought tickets to see Alan Cumming in June. Birthday birthday birthday.
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, February birthday buddy! Don’t listen to the Feb. haters.
HBD, ES!
Happy birthday! This is an awesome start to what I hope is an awesome year!
Happy birthday!!
Posted in a few other places, but since I started talking about this in an open thread & people wanted a follow up, I bring it to you! I returned from a silent retreat at a monastery in New England. It was better than I could’ve hoped for.
Leading up to going, and while I was there, I felt this deep and sincere regret that I wished I was there six months ago, or a year ago, when my relationship to god was stronger, when my spiritual wellsprings felt so full. I knew that there was so much that even the walls of the house had to offer me, that I couldn’t access because of where I’ve been lately. And then, Saturday night, I felt the most profound grace that it’s okay that I wasn’t able to tap into my spiritual wellsprings, because it’s just where I am. I could’ve told myself that, of course, but I was able to forgive myself–and experience god’s forgiveness.
Growing up, we had a cabin in Pennsylvania that used well water. And one of the first things to do when you arrived would be run all of the faucets until the brown water ran clear. The monastery was like waiting for the water to sputter out, for it to run brown for a while, and then the clear water came. The basin isn’t full, but it’s clean.
When I left, I set chimes on my phone to recreate the bells of the monastery. I’ve been doing a three-minute centering prayer everyday at 11:15. I stop writing emails. I stop whatever I’m reading, and I take three minutes of stillness. It’s so restorative. It moves me forward in my day, it keeps my mind clear.
On three separate occasions since returning, internet strangers have reached out to me to tell me that my writing was really effective and meaningful and strong. Before I went, I didn’t have the energy or inner clarity to write, and it’s just felt so good. It felt good that I can write for myself, not constantly in service of other people’s writing. Oh, have I needed to hear that! I’ve had a few rocky days since I’ve been back as well, but I feel stronger in the face of them.
We should all be monks.
Thank you so much for sharing – this is lovely (and inspiring!)
Oooh, thank you for sharing this. I’ve been considering a retreat for a while, and I think it’s about time.
This is really beautiful and inspiring. Meditating is perpetually on my list of “want to start” — I do it for a few days, then I stop, and then it’s been so long that I can’t restart. But hearing stories like these makes me want to restart again. I’ve been feeling so far from like, idk, that feeling of being connected to god/universe/whatever, and would really like to get some spiritual grounding somewhere again. Just not sure where to start.
Before I went, I was like, “Oh yeah, I meditate! I’m great at meditating!” At the first group meditation, I was like, “Woah, when was the last time I did this!?” And I’m a meditation evangelist–it’s so measurably healing, it’s so good for you, and there’s kind of no reason no to? What really helped me, actually, was sitting in a bathtub in my hermitage reading Thomas Merton instead of going to morning prayer (under the rule: My retreat, I can do what I want/listen to my body’s intelligence). I’d read the book before, but I was in such a solid place when I read it, that it didn’t sink in the same way–like, “yes, these things are true and i observe them in my surroundings.” This time, it was like, “oh my god, this is everything that’s wrong with me. going to make changes.”
the monk who lead my retreat gave the suggestion that one of the best ways to get into a meditation is walking alone in nature, you just keep walking until you stop thinking and share in the awareness that you are also nature.
Apart from the whole “believing in God” thing, everything about being a monk sounds pretty great to me. Especially if I can be one of the cool ones who raises German Shepherds or makes preserves.
Toasties! I’m still looking for a job that is science-related, especially geology-related. I’m currently working retail at a fabric and craft store, which is fun because fabric and crafts and terrible because retail. I’ve applied for pretty much everything I could find, but I only ever got two responses, and those were way back in the fall. I’m also applying to grad school, but I missed the main deadline and although it says late applications may be considered, I’m not super-hopeful. Basically, everything sucks and I really want to science and not deal with crabby old white ladies and their stupid quilts anymore.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get an entry level geo or science job?
If you have any writing experience, you could do content writing or editing for a natural history museum or a science museum.
Relatedly, science-y publishers usually need copyeditors who have a science background. I know the freelance life can be a terrible grind, but it might be a good way to make some money on the side if you can break into it.
Oh lord I need to do this.
I work for a largish water agency (civil engineer), and we often employ geologists for various things. Government agencies – cities, counties, state environmental agencies – often have geology or general science work. Also check out civil engineering consulting firms, particularly ones that do geotechnical and structural engineering work. On your resume/ cover letter emphasize any field or lab experience you might have gotten through school or work; that’s something they usually want to see for entry level work. Also project type experience: internships, research projects, but also class projects, anything where you had to actually manage a project and got your hands dirty. For consulting type positions, talk up the fact that you’ve had to deal with customers.
As Amphora mentioned, GIS is always is demand. Knowing how to use Excel and Access is also really useful. Any kind of computer modeling experience is also a plus.
I’m a biologist, and I found that to get my foot in the door I had to 1) go into consulting, which I know has a bad reputation but there’s good firms and bad firms and with luck you hit a good one 2) be willing to move pretty much anywhere. Once you have experience you can be more picky, but a couple of years in a less-than-wonderful location is totally doable. One option with consulting could be getting into an admin-type position with the hopes that you’ll be pulled into doing the sciency work as they inevitably hit a crunch period. My entry level job was 50/50 admin/bio at first, but by the end of my first year there I had formally moved into the bio team full time. The woman who replaced me on the admin side got annoyed several times because she had a science background but didn’t want to do science anymore but still had people ask her to edit reports or do other science things when there was a personnel crunch. That’s a bit more risky, though, because you could just get stuck in admin.
Another option is to apply with a mining company. You’d have to work in camp, but the exploratory companies in particular often need geotechs and often end up hiring people with no geology background at all. And maybe you just need to hang in there. If you’re looking for anything field-based this is the downtime season when last summer’s work is wrapping up and the new budgets aren’t approved yet. Hiring picks up in spring and early summer.
I’m taking the RICA (for a third time, ugh) next week, and I cannot stop freaking about it. I’ve basically put off job hunting until I take the test, and I just keep thinking: what if I fail again? Each time I take the test, I miss the passing score by a very small margin, five points, eight points–who’s to say that won’t happen this time, too?
I also turned 26 last month, and it sort of dawned on me that I’ve been living at home for four years. I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing during that time–I’m jobless, I’m torn about two different career paths I could go down, and I’ve never been in a relationship. …So, yeah, I’ll be having cheese with my whine this weekend. :
Good luck for the RICA, retaking any kind of test is the worst.
Don’t be too hard on yourself about the living at home, etc- you probably hear it a lot, but the recession has stuck a lot of people in that situation, and it’s still only starting to improve.
(In case this amuses you, I misread RICA as “RCIA” (Rites of Catholic Initiation for Adults) and spent many minutes puzzling over what kind of work you might be looking for that you didn’t want to do before becoming official Catholic.
Hey, does anyone want to talk meal planning/grocery shopping/couponing/etc.? We have lots of food threads but I thought it might be fun to talk about this stuff!
My methodology changes slightly during farmer’s market times, since I usually shop there first and get what’s cheap/fresh and THEN plan, but right now it goes pretty much like:
1. Check in with partner to see if he wants anything in particular, think about what I’m craving.
2. Check pantry/freezer/fridge for stuff that I already have.
3. Decide which recipes I’ll make what day, keeping an eye on things like fresh produce that goes bad quick (gets used first), freezer meals later in the week, late nights, plans, etc.
4. Gather coupons if applicable (I rarely use anything that I can use coupons for since I mostly buy dried beans/rice, fresh and frozen veggies, etc.).
5. Shop using the Wegmans app so I stick to my list. I keep a couple of lists of things that are cheaper at Trade Joe’s, Target, etc. so sometimes I’ll make multiple stops if it’s worth it.
Every few weeks I’ll stock up on something (bags of rice, beans, big packs of tp or paper towels), so that I’m not trying to stock up every week. All this planning keeps my weekly (7 day) grocery bill around $40-$50 for both of us, lunch and dinner.
What are your secrets, routines, plans?
I do pretty much the same thing. I usually shop for fresh stuff every other day or so, and plan meals when I’m in the shop, and do a bigger/organised one on the weekend… I’ve been trying the plan ahead thing but I never manage it… And I blame my tiny fridge but really I am just a fickle creature and I can never stick to it…
I wish I was better organised because I think it could be cheaper but since I don’t spend a horrific amount at the moment I’m actually fine with the chaotic approach?
I am very keen to see what everyone else does, though!
I am currently jealous of you because I definitely spend more than that on just me. I don’t know, I’ve been super disorganized and overspendy at the grocery store lately. I’ve been traveling a lot lately and when that’s done I’m hoping to spend a month or two doing better meal planning and better grocery shopping and see if I can drop my monthly grocery spending by $50-75.
My husband and I use a really similar plan, and I think it’s been great for our grocery budget and food waste. On the weekend we plan our meals for the week, taking stock of what we have and how to use produce over several meals. We grab most things from the local grocery store that serves the big Chinese community, because the freshness and prices are the best.
We cook probably 99% of all our meals at home, and our bill is about 50$ for the seven day week, although I’ve noticed it creeping as our Canadian dollar tanks.
I love grocery shopping so much. It feels me with tremendous well-being to come home with goodies to stash away. And my husband and I have gotten inordinately proud of beautiful conveyor built arrangements of colorful fresh produce.
I have a list of pantry stuff I always get at Aldi (canned tomatoes, crackers, etc.) then weekly I look at what sort of meat/veg are on sale at the grocery store, and then build my meal choices around what’s on sale. I pop over to Trader Joe’s for fun and to stock up on wine (and because I am convinced that their ketchup is superior to all other ketchup).
Oh, and every week we do a homemade pizza of the week, and we have it with cocktails on a Friday night. It is glorious.
I love Trader Joe’s so much, but ours can’t sell wine. (breaks down and sobs into hands)
I shall try their ketchup.
I have to plan around my work schedule – I work two evening shifts a week, so if I forget and don’t have leftovers for dinner those nights, I’m basically screwed. I don’t mind eating the same thing several days in a row, so I usually plan a big meal Monday or Tuesday night that’ll give me leftovers for most of the week, and fill out lunches with salads and sandwiches. And I hate hate hate cooking after work, but I have to do it, so I do most of the prep work for tomorrow’s dinner after I finish eating and washing dishes. I’m already in the kitchen, so it doesn’t seem like a hardship, and then when I’m driving home thinking about getting takeout, I stop myself by going, no, I already have dinner half-made, I’ve gotta eat that defrosted chicken/chopped onion/cleaned mushrooms before it goes off.
Oooh that is a GREAT tip for when I have late days/evenings. I’m stealing it!
I buy half a cow and a whole hog from local farmers for most of our meat. So mostly I buy vegetables at the weekly trip to the grocery store. I buy what’s on sale or on the discount produce shelves. I’m a master at random protein+veg combo meals based on what I’ve brought in to thaw from the big freezer and what vegetables were on sale. I also do a big weekend cook-up that gives us stuff for breakfasts and lunches for the week.
I would love to do that, but my spouse doesn’t eat meat, and that’s a lot more meat than I can go through in any kind of reasonable timeframe.
I’ve been trying to do a big weekend meal that leaves lots of leftovers for spouse’s lunches, though, because otherwise he eats crummy expensive food in his building’s cafe. So far, our favorites that make a boatload are chili, mujadara, and black beans and rice (all from Cooks Illustrated with tweaks for our own preferences, there’s never enough cumin in anything for me). What do you like to make on weekends for lunches?
You are a saint for prepping for more than one dietary program.
On Saturdays the Burgomaster has a standing breakfast date with a friend, and he usually doesn’t even get home until close to noon, so Saturday lunch isn’t really a thing. I either skip lunch or have an apple with almond butter. Sunday lunch is a late lunch/dinner thing since I make a big breakfast for us on Sunday (either banana pancakes with sausage patties or omelettes or a vegetable hash, etc.), and it’s usually something big that’ll also have random leftovers–like a roast chicken or squash noodle spaghetti with meatballs.
I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I had to cook for me and a vegetarian. Seriously, you are amazing.
It’s really not that much trouble. I was a vegetarian for many years, so I basically just cook vegetarian for dinners and if I feel a particular need for meat, I’ll just cook for myself for lunches or when spouse is out of town.
shhhhhhhhhhh no bb you are amazing
I also tweak C.I. recipes. We cook vegetarian at home at one staple is a stew made of potatoes, quinoa, corn and tomatoes- with LOTS of cumin.
I often do tagines on weekends and full roast chicken dinners both those last a while. I also like doing more adventurous complicated meals on weekend. Foods I really like (like baked eggplant parmesan) or stuff I haven’t tried before that take too much time to make during the weekday.
I’m very interested in other people’s tips, because I suuuuuck at meal planning and food budgeting. (And that was supposed to be my New Year’s resolution).
I have eighty billion cookbooks and recipes that I’ve printed out, but I get overwhelmed when it comes to actually planning what to make.
I had this same kind of option paralysis around cooking a few years ago and I really got stuck in a rut. So I started learning how to make recipes that I liked to eat in restaurants, which usually helped save money on eating out and also helped me get better at cooking while still eating foods that I knew I liked. Then I started making one new recipe a week as a treat yoself thing on Sunday afternoons because it was basically the only kind of self-care I could afford while in grad school, and I’ve kept it up for the last two years. I love cooking blogs and cookbooks and Pinterest, but now I divide new recipes into categories, like special occasion meals, weeknight meals, stuff to make in a Crock Pot. That way it’s easier to find something to fit the bill when I’m meal planning on Saturday mornings or when I need to come up with an idea for a birthday dinner or Valentine’s Day.
I’m really interested in how other people cook. When I was younger I wanted to be a nutritional anthropologist like Deb on Alton Brown’s Good Eats.
Good suggestions!
I don’t go out to restaurants that often, but I spend tons of $$$ on prepared foods at Wegmans. (Because I’m lazy and they just do everything so well). I need to get out of that habit!
I think nutritional anthropology would be a fascinating career. I would definitely buy a book/ documentary series on that…
Wegmans actually has a lot of recipes on their website for their prepared foods (black bean enchiladas om nom nom). A lot of them call for, like, their own brand of stuff or things like pre-sliced veggies that you can just do yourself.
I love sending people recipes that call for “Wegmans Food You Feel Good About™ Triple Washed Romaine Salad”, or whatever. 🙂
I do get their pre-sliced veggies sometimes (especially butternut squash, which is a giant pain to deal with).
They have a fabulous thing in their prepared Asian food section (bok choy and mushrooms in oyster sauce), which I’ve been trying to find a recipe for to no avail. Doesn’t seem to be on their website!
I know exactly which dish you mean! It should be easy enough to replicate as long as you have the right ingredients. I’ve found my Chinese cooking has been made much more delicious with the addition of “dark soy sauce.” I found one called “mushroom flavored dark soy sauce” at Wegs, and it’s my new BFF. They also usually stock fish and oyster sauces, at least the big one here does.
My goodness your grocery bill is impressive! Mine is … definitely higher.
I absolutely hate going to the grocery store, so I have found that online grocery delivery services are awesome. It also helps me plan better. I have fewer moments when I’m like, just throw stuff in the cart so I can get out of here, and then come home wondering why I bought three cans of black beans and a tube of hair gel.
My partner and I have two shared Pinterest boards. One of recipes we want to try and one of recipes for the week. Once a week, one of us will pin a week’s worth of recipes and input everything into the online grocery delivery place thing.
And that’s literally about as organized as I can be about it. 🙂 I’m just terrible at meal-planning and I hate the grocery.
This is one of the things I am the most proud !!!
1. On Sunday afternoons I list out about 5-6 meals I plan on making the next week and a half. 2. then i make a grocery list based on that adding in basic staples (dry herbs, rice, non food goods like toilet paper).
3. When I do the grocery shopping I’m in charge of everything on the list and my partner gets the ingredient for the meal(s) he is going to make, fruit and snacks.
4. Like you the recipes with fast spoiling ingredients (salad greens,tomatoes, broccoli etc.) get cooked first. I tend to cook enough so that each dinner makes enough leftovers for two lunchboxes or more.
I have virtually no food waste and have a similar weekly grocery bill.
My grocery shopping schedule is haphazard at best, but I’m hopping on this thread to say that I’m very very jealous of your access to Wegmans… I grew up in Central NY and when I went back for grad school I religiously used that app. So efficient! Organized by the layout of the store! I make all of my grocery lists by department now.
Since the Canadian dollar plummeted, food has been 20% more expensive so right now I am planning my meals around food bank and dumpster diving finds. I’m getting lots of canned tomatoes and swiss chard, so ive made that into a garlicky soup that’s pretty good. Potatoes, rice and white bread make up the bulk of most of my meals, and i spend money on bulk spices and vegetables to make that less boring/more nutritious. I’ve also been making big pots of lentils and rice with different curries, freezing it and adding in fresh vegetables as I unthaw.
I also eat oatmeal for breakfast every single day, because I like it and the food bank always has some. Its good fuel. Fortunately my job provides a lunch so I don’t have to worry about that.
So yeah, variations on beans, tomatoes and starch, I guess.
I know a lot of Canadians are really hurting right now. I hope things improve soon for you all. Canned tomatoes are a staple of mine, and enable me to not get scurvy when cooking so many dals.
This is going to sound really weird but I remember at one point on the link roundup (or elsewhere?) there was a link to a really great website about books written by women (both the books and the website, and I think the website authors were Friends of the Toast also), and of course I failed to bookmark it and now I have no idea how to find it again. Based on this extraordinarily vague description does anyone know what I am talking about?
Was it The Writes of Woman?
I believe I know which one you’re talking about, and I also don’t remember the name.
Inappropriate Co-Worker Thread below.
Has anyone else experienced this thing where a co-worker’s only method of discourse is gas lighting? By which I mean, EVERY meeting begins reasonably “Hi, how’s it going, etc.” and then descends into him telling stupid, offensive, misogynistic jokes and then when people (ME) get upset or call him on it, he retreats with a “Wow, you’re really defensive today.”
Then Wednesday in a meeting with our BOSS (who is a woman) he referred to her several times as “dear young lady” and “sweet girl.” It was so inappropriate and condescending. Then he turned to me and made a comment about work I’d done on a project, and I’m sure he thought it was a compliment, but then he fucking winked at me. Our boss didn’t react or respond but it made me super uncomfortable. Like, dude, you might be a few years older than you but she’s your direct supervisor and don’t you dare wink at me.
Ugh. WHY ARE MEN? WHY????
I actually said “I’m not your darling” to a man on the phone today. Ick.
My supervisor has decided she doesn’t need her SSRI and is weaning off. She needs her SSRI. I also couldn’t delegate any of the stuff that needs to be done to her (the designated person to whom I delegate) for the two weeks I’ll be out for surgery, because last time of the three things I asked her to do zero of them got done, so I’ve been kicking my own ass all week getting stuff out, and she will not stop coopting my assistant (she’s my supervisor but she’s been told not to take my assistant away from my work for her work) and basically I would rather have surgery than deal with any of this. Argh.
The PTE archives employee that I work with, but DO NOT MANAGE BECAUSE YOU MAY BE THE ARCHIVIST BUT YOU DON’T MANAGE HER, wanted to contact the son of a recently deceased faculty member for a good photograph of him. By recently deceased, I mean, this dude died on monday morning, and she was suggesting this on tuesday afternoon.
She thought this would be ok, because and I quote, “I’ve known [son’s name here] since he was 18. He wouldn’t mind.”
His dad just died. I think he’ll mind.
There was the time when a Certain Co-Worker said that she was so cheap, she could “be a Jew”, and when I reacted with horror, she tried to justify it by saying that she had friends who were Jewish.
…We spent a little while discussing Jewish History and also Anti-Semitism that afternoon.
I’m home visiting my parents, the timing is probably wrong-ish but it’s nice to be here and feel that everything will work out. I know not everyone has that kind of relationship with their parents but I do and it’s really what I needed right now.
I feel you on that. My relationship with my mom isn’t always the best, but she’s flying in this weekend to help me move out of the apt I shared with my ex-bf and provide emotional support and I am so, so glad.
I’m having one of those weeks where I just feel, like, incompetent. I’m the junior person on a really small case team and we have a filing to get out this afternoon, and there are so many tiny moving parts and details that need to be coordinated, which falls mostly on me, and this is the thing about my job and you know, LIFE IN GENERAL, that I am the worst at. So after every “just caught xyz in this footnote, can you make sure to fix that?” my confidence in my competency shrinks THREE TIMES SMALLER.
That happened to me this week too – I’ve taken on some new stuff in the theater, and I missed deadline and flubbed a communication with someone else and now I am stressing madly over getting advertising. My new positive self talk is: as a producer I am a talented designer.
I am high-fiving you exhaustedly from here. Just keep going. You can do this.
Oh heavens. You are me this week. I am working as a producer on a documentary with a budget expanding well beyond what we have and I am obliterated with stuff to get done and feeling totally undermined and defeated with every tiny slip-up that comes from being basically bad at all of what I am doing. I signed on to be creative and somehow am now Making Stuff Go and it is a nonstop whirlwind of anxiety and stress and my dogged, idiotic determination to Win At All Costs.
Podcast recommendations anyone? I’m burning through Astonishing Legends (the Dyatlov pass episodes were great) and I’d like some more new things to listen to.
I just discovered Thinking Sideways and although I occasionally spook myself with it I REALLY love it! Am going to investigate Astonishing Legends now…
It’s so wonderfully creepy! I am listening to way too many murder podcasts now but I love them, thanks for the recommendation!
Another Round from Buzzfeed is really great – interesting guests and hilarious hosts!
ANOTHER ROUND FOREVER AND EVER
I’m an advice column addict, but lately I’ve been noticing that columns leave me a little anxious, because there’s no closure. The Judge John Hodgman podcast scratches my advice column itch PLUS it has an actual discussion with the disputants and a resolution at the end. Plus plus, JHo is HILARIOUS and wonderful.
The Black Tapes Podcast is really, really scary and the second season just came out!
yessss this is just what I’ve been wanting
Black Tapes is so good! I haven’t been able to get into Tanis the same way.
(Also I weirdly ship Alex and Dr. Strand, which may be just misplaced Mulder/Scully shipping coming to to fore)
I tooootally think they’re flirting. (But I also think Cora is alive sooooo I’m not sure how that’s going to work?)
Oh thank goodness! I’d hate to think I’d fallen into that tired old trap where any random woman and man in a piece of media are pretty much automatically shipped. Frex, I don’t think that Meerkatnip and Nic are doing the same thing in Tanis.
My thought is that Coralee was trying out her honeybee theory of love from Episode 5 and decided not to go back? I don’t know if they’ll spin out the maybe-affair she was having prior to her disappearance as something else that drove her away from her family though.
Could be. I still think where she is is related to the mystery they are investigating. I think she somehow got caught up with the demons/monks/sacred geometry.
Be honest: am I going to have nightmares? I’m into Tanis, from the same people, but everything I’ve seen makes me think TBTP is maybe too scary for me.
I am a serious podcast junky these days. I’m in the habit lately of pushing everyone to listen to my favorite podcasts by people of color – Another Round, Intersection, and PostBougie.
yes and yes and yes!
Ooh, the Dead Authors podcast! It’s hosted by the great Paul F. Thompkins playing H.G. Wells who goes in his time machine to bring dead authors (played by various comedians) to present-day LA and interview them. A true delight, especially the episodes where Andy Daly is involved.
Gosh, this was supposed to go under the main podcast thread. I fail at internet.
My two new faves are Sampler (snippets from other podcasts, some of which I will eventually follow, some of which are just good bits, also hosted by an awesome lady), Only Human (medical-ish stuff, also an awesome lady host), and Note to Self (humanity and technology, mostly, yet another awesome female host).
do you listen to for colored nerds? that’s hosted by brittany and it’s also excellent
Yeah, I just started! I like her a lot – she just comes across as a cool friend, ya know?
I love Manoosh! I love how perky and cheerful and adorable she sounds.
I am loving Only Human- such a great mix of topics so far!
I like Call Your Girlfriend!
CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS THE BEST. My long distance bestie and I actually use it as one of the things we can always talk about. Because we started listening to it before we were long distance besties, back when we were both in NYC and lived 35 blocks apart.
cyg & another round made my life SO MUCH BETTER when i discovered them (and the world of smart funny lady twitter) this spring. cannot fangirl enough.
I really like Criminal. Each episode is around 20 minutes and they’re all standalone, which I like. I also love Reply All.
Pop culturewise, I love Pop Culture Happy Hour and Extra Hot Great.
I wish Criminal would do more episodes! I get so excited when a new one comes out and then it’s so short! She has such a lovely voice.
I recently finished “The Message” and it was a fantastic bit of sci fi. Only 6 episodes but if you enjoy science fiction it’s a must. I’m also currently addicted to Sawbones which is all about medical history and interesting modern medical stuff. It’s really funny and very informative. Really most anything on the Maximum Fun network is great: Judge John Hodgman, International Waters, Wham Bam Pow, My Brother My Brother and Me, Still Buffering, etc.
I love the Awesome Etiquette podcast from the Emily Post Institute. The two people who do the show are cousins and offer really thoughtful guidance to listeners’ conundrums. It’s not at all stuffy.
New Yorker Radio Hour! Just listened to an episode featuring interviews with Lin-Manuel Miranda, and the Broad City ladies!
I weirdly love the Gilmore Guys and would recommend it if you’ve watched the show. It’s not a super tight podcast or anything but it’s pretty funny and the meandering nature of it makes it easy to tune in and out while you’re working or falling asleep.
I’m loving Crybabies right now. It’s an entire podcast about things that make various guests cry. I wish they took non-famous people so I could give them my own personal list of Poems and Operas To Cry To.
I am a big fan of I Don’t Even Own A Television, which is all snarking on bad books. The Ready Player One and Wild Animus episodes are particularly good. Also Stranger in a Strange Land because fuck that book.
I mentioned this in one of the link roundups this week, but I also like Liar City.
Seconding Thinking Sideways. Also, You Must Remember This just started its newest season, which is going to be about the Hollywood Blacklist (could not be more excited).
I like The Faculty of Horror for feminist horror analysis and discussion, but that may be more of a niche.
I second the Faculty of Horror if you like horror movies at all. It’s great.
I will second criminal and also give a recommendation for Life of the Law which covers honestly interesting laws and cases and how they impact on real people.
I have recently gotten into Good Muslim Bad Muslim which I learned about through Denzel Washington is the Greatest Actor of All Time Period-this one is hosted by W. Kamau Bell and Kevin Avery. They get cool guests to talk about Denzel Washington movies, current events and race. The memory palace is my favorite story telling podcast hands down.
OOh, I haven’t heard of Life of the Law, but it sounds extremely up my alley. Thanks!
They have a companion one called Live Law which is sort of like if the Moth only told law stories and some are great but I stopped listening to it for awhile after one episode was basically this dudebro talking about how he napped at his big law firm during his summer internship still got hired and still naps.
The Memory Palace is SO GOOD.
Pretty much all of Radiotopia which is a … group? collection? channel? I do not know, am an old. But I started with 99 percent invisible, an now follow the Allusionist and a half dozen others but those are the BEST.
I really really love Reply All (mostly because PJ Vogt has the best laugh in the world) and Mystery Show! I’d recommend starting with the Belt Buckle or Britney episodes.
I adore Kevin and Ursula Eat Cheap: there’s a better than even chance that Ursula will go on a twenty minute rant about corn genetics or the finer points of birding or something, there’s a menagerie of animals that wander in and out, and they generally seem like excellent and hilarious humans. (They do the Hidden Almanac as well.)
Saga Thing seems like a thing (heh) Toasties would appreciate — two medievalists dissect and rate the Icelandic Sagas (sort of like Rex Factor, which is back with the Scottish monarchs, yay!)
You’re The Expert is occasionally stilted but introduced me to the existence of the disco clam, so, worth it.
In Defence of Plants if you want to hear a dude wax enthusiastic about botany or rant about ginseng harvesting.
I listen to A LOT lately. My favorites are the Thrilling Adventure Hour, My Favorite Murder, Mystery Show, TYCI, and I have tickets for to see a Night Vale live show in April.
My Favorite Murder!
Obligatory “Nobody cares about your dreams, StillT!” disclaimer.
I had a dream last night that I was trapped in a building with Donald Trump. But wait! It gets scarier!
He was giving my group a tour of some office suite and I couldn’t get away. Much like my constant opinion of real life Trump, I couldn’t shake this extremely strong feeling that something was VERY WRONG here. But I couldn’t escape. So I just followed along with the tour.
Then, as we ended the tour, there was a classic horror movie scene as I noticed something dripping from the ceiling tiles above the desk where we had stopped, only to realize it was BLOOD and Donald Trump had MURDERED someone and stashed their body in the ceiling to hide his crime.
I woke up absolutely terrified and in fight-or-flight (but mostly FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT) mode, determined that I needed to warn the world that the Republican front-runner had literally actually murdered a person and was trying to get away with it. It took a solid minute or two to realize it was a dream. OR WAS IT?!
Anyway. Yeah. That happened.
But was it the biggest, classiest, coated in goldest murder ever?
I had a weirdly romantic dream that’s still stuck in my head. It involved an old friend (who yes, i have had an intermittent crush on), a parade to honor physic octopuses, and cheese.
I’ve been having work nightmares and lots of weird dreams about the middle ages where I wake up just before I get murdered by some dude with a sword.
I feel ya.
Scary!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
I was cornered in a dark alley by giant spiders wearing suicide vests with Donald Trump hair a couple of months ago. It stayed work me.
I can absolutely see that happening.
I’ve also had a nightmare involving Trump; pray that it never come true.
I’m looking for a roommate and have been emailing back and forth with people and have a few coming by soon. Anyone have great ideas for questions that are good for revealing roommate red flags? Something beyond the typical stuff, like “how much do you clean” and “how often do you have friends over.”
Ask about problem-solving skills.
Ask extremely specific questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
“What time do you like to cook?” is a good question, especially if your bedroom is next to the kitchen and their ideal time to prepare a feast (or a week of lunches) is 1.30am.
What’s your day-to-day schedule like? (as in, what time do you wake up, use the bathroom, go to sleep, etc)
What’s your ideal living situation like? (as in, are you going to bother me when my bedroom door is closed because I want to be alone right now)
Do you have a SigO, and how much time do ya’ll spend at each other’s houses?
I find the conversation part more telling than the questions. My current roommates are CL finds and they’re so awesome so it can totally happen!
“If you were bothered by something I was doing as your roommate, how would you go about addressing the issue?”
Communication skilllllzzzzzzzzzz
Seconding this one – a matching conflict style can make a world of difference.
“Are you a morning shower person or an evening shower person?” is useful.
Okay, is anyone else on here addicted to Neko Atsume? I finally collected all the cats last night (Bob the Cat was my last one, finally got him after having the ugly metropolis out for far too long), and am way too happy about this. These winter months are dull and horrible, and this silly, gentle game is one of the few things that has been bringing joy lately, as ridiculous as that sounds.
Pickles, Lexy, and Xerxes are the best. Tubbs is a menace that must be stopped.
Yes yes yesssss. It is the most wonderful, most gentle game.
I’ve collected all the cats too! now I’m just waiting for mementos from the rare guys. and Pickles is my favorite. 🙂
So far, I’ve got Lady Meow Meow’s (best name), Kathmandu, and Xerxes’ mementos. My next goals are Miss Fortune and Sassy Fran.
Pickles is a perfect soul that must be protected at all costs. My absolute favorite is when he plays with the tail thing teaser.
Ramses’ memento is Very Cool.
Pickles is ADORBS. I am also exceedingly fond of Pumpkin. I do not like Tubbs because he has *food on his face*. And because no matter what I put out, he will eat it. Give the other cats a chance, Tubbs!
Ramses the Great has the cutest little paws. I just got Kathmandu a few weeks ago and she gave me a memento on Friday; Sassy Fran has shown up but I don’t have a picture yet. Mr. Meowgi is very stern (judging by the low number of thank-you fish he leaves me) but left me a memento too.
Pumpkinnnn. <3 Pumpkin is such a sweetheart. She always looks cute, and is a great tipper. Kathmandu is also adorable. Meowgi is definitely not a good tipper, but I love his little sword for when he’s “training.”
I finally got Pickles just the other day! Now if only Peaches would show up when I’m there to take a picture of her…
Peaches is so difficult! She really loves the cafe and the temari ball, I’ve found.
My theory is that, unlike the rest, Peaches is an indoor cat. So she only turns up rarely, when she manages to slip past her owner.
I have Peaches in a sock RIGHT NOW.
PEACHES IN THE SOCK IS THE CUTEST. And the vase. Peach sundae!
Peaches is a lovely color! I think she is timid and only shows up when no one else is around.
I love her little heart on her fur.
I am only waiting for the wintertime cat (Frosty?) and then I will have all of them! Xerxes left me a memento today!
Ahhh Frosty. She’s only been by my yard once, for the blue pillow. I’ve been trying to get her back ever since.
But yay! I love Xerxes. Such a regal, fancy cat.
I had the blue pillow out for weeks and no novelty cat, I thought my sister was lying to me about her. Will have to put it back out.
Frosty will apparently only come during winter.
Did you try the igloo tent?
Frosty is my last one too!!!! Wheeeere is he?????
Put the blue pillow out, the toast has magic powers and Frosty has come to me!
I seriously think The Toast has power, because I hadn’t had Frosty in WEEKS, but checked it this evening, and there she was, on the blue pillow! We need to discuss her more often!
Frosty loves all pillows, not just the snowy one, so one potential strategy is to fill your whole yard with pillows.
AHA!
I have also seen frosty in the tansu chest and I forget where else – most often on the pillows tho.
gonna go all hipster here and be like: i’ve been playing since last spring! and it bugs the crap out of me that they gave all the cats DIFFERENT ENGLISH NAMES because it’s confusing as hell and I thought the japanese names were charming and those names actually referred to what they looked like, which made it so much easier to know which cat was under discussion.
grumblegrumble I’m glad everyone is enjoying the game, but i hate not knowing what they’re talking about. 🙁
Did you know you could rename them? A friend just told me and I had no idea. Seems too bold.
Too bold: exactly.
Plus, if I changed the names, how could I know for sure what cats people were referring to in the subreddit????? which is the very problem I’m having now.
“FKA Pickles”
I changed all the cat names when I started playing in Japanese
Yes! I think I have 3 rare cats who haven’t visited me yet — I’m trying to get mementos from some of the ones who have visited before I turn my attention to attracting the other ones. In particular I would like Ramses the Freeloading to pay up, he’s visited me a million times.
Xerxes visited me 35 times before bringing me a memento! I was getting so annoyed with him before he finally brought one! Ramses paid up after 25 for me, but it’s totally randomized.
I’m also working on getting all the mementos at this point (since I finally got all the cats). Some of them take while to visit in the first place, and then getting them to come back enough times to trigger a memento is tricky too!
Tubbs is just leading the only life he knows!
Also if you don’t replace the food til he leaves, he pays for like 6x the food he ate. (Assuming yellow bowl food outside- I only put pricier food in the house, until I got so rich it no longer matters…..)
I’ve been nice and letting him linger, but he’s come by my yard around six times in the past 48 hours, and ate several almost full bowls of Frisky Bits that were supposed to last me the whole day. He didn’t tip that great for Tubbs standards either, so I’m grumpy at him right now.
Ha! He has given me up to 75 silver fish and I figure basically all the food in the yard is just there for him. It’s just luck if any other cat manages to play outside.
Tubbs never goes inside! I tend toward Frisky Bits for outside for that very reason.
He will actually go inside for the ugly beige double cushion! But he won’t eat inside.
I did not know that!! I am filing that away because he keeps eating all my damn sashimi.
PEPPER with his odd-coloured eyes! I think I am just waiting for some novelty cats – Rascal showed up the other day, and there are no gaps between him and Joe de Meowgio so I presume it’s just novelty ones now?
Ahhh Pepper. <3 Pepper is another one of my favorites, but it’s seriously so hard to rank them.
It should be! I think Rascal is one of the last of the commons to show up. The novelties are so fun. My favorites are Xerxes and Lady Meow Meow.
ETA: Speaking of Pepper, he just showed up on the train!
I am torn between wanting to know what to buy to get the remaining novelties because instant gratification, and not wanting to know because the surprise is lovely when they arrive out of the blue!
As a hint, most of the gold items will get you rares. I won’t tell you which one corresponds to each though, in case you want to be surprised!
Is there one for the football? I bought it hoping there would be a Kitten Beckham or something and have so far been disappointed.
No, sadly! That would be amazing. I want so many more rare cats.
It IS a cute toy though, and Mack really loves it.
Tubbs is the WORST. I feel like he’s always around, just waiting for me to put down a new bowl so he can just suck it all down before any other cats get there.
Tubbs is a menace to us all, and must be stopped.
I finally just kicked him out today, because he’d eaten several bowls of Frisky Bits, and I’d had enough. He only left me one fish, but maybe he won’t bother me for awhile.
Tubbs is Captain Stripeypants’ cosmic twin.
I just collected all the cats this week as well! Peaches and Saint Purrtrick were my holdouts and I got them both on Sunday when I finally bought and put out the kotatsu. I started screaming when I saw them. I downloaded the game in Japan at the end of December while I was waiting in line for rides at Tokyo Disneyland and I saw other people playing it. It’s so calming! I am, however, pro-Tubbs, and I am really fond of Spooky for some reason. He was the first cat that I saw doing the new faceplant pose they started doing with the latest update.
True story: I got Lady Meow Meow when I was standing in line for food/checking my phone, and had to refrain from jumping up and down. I think I did gasp though, because I got a couple funny looks.
It is the MOST calming game though. I’ve actually been using it whenever I feel anxious, and it’s amazing how much it helps.
(It is absolutely the best game for anxiety.)
I re-named Spooky “Mulder.”
SO DID IIIIIIII
ME TOO!!! (technically I renamed him “Spooky Mulder”)
I love St Purrtrick and the kotatsu is my favourite thing. i love their tiny tails poking out from under it.
The kotatsu definitely wins for one of the cutest toys.
Is THAT what’s going on with the faceplant pose! I didn’t put it together with the update, I just suddenly saw like three cats doing it and was baffled. “Why is my yard full of cats that can’t even? What happened?”
I wonder if the English version updates when the Japanese version does? I have not seen the faceplant pose…
I hope they come out with more cats. I never do in-app purchases but I would totally pay a couple bucks for another 20 cats to collect.
Joe DiMeowgio keeps visiting while I’m not paying attention (so I can’t take a picture), and it’s driving me crazy.
#STOPTUBBS2016
Also Tubbs autocorrects to all-caps in my phone, so that should let you know my feelings
My best friend and I have a thing where whenever Tubbs is in one of our yards, we must text each other with TUBBS YOU FAT LARD. And sometimes stronger language. He was cute the first time, and now I’m over it.
I think my housemates and partner are mildly concerned with how much I love my cartoon cats. But they are the best and I must have them all. It’s pretty much the only thing bringing me consistent joy.
Spud is my favorite. Mostly because their name is Spud.
My gentleman caller constantly laughs at me about it, but then he asks which new cats I have had. I also just made him read this thread.
Yeah, they all laugh, but then loooooooook at who wants to see when Joe DeMeowgio shows up.
Aahahaha, my sister just got visited by Tubbs late yesterday, and she was happy about it! He left lots of fishies and she was able to afford something she was saving up for, so she didn’t mind too much that he ate all the food.
TUBBS IS LIVING HIS BEST LIFE
I’m in love with Marshmallow. Her face is cute. I put the ping pong out for her and her alone. I’m playing two games right now- one on my iPad and one on my phone and it’s confusing to me which cats I can’t find on each. I think what I like best about the game is that it encourages you to go do your thing and come back later and enjoy a little tiny burst.
Does anyone know why the cats have a power level, or what that means?
In the last month, several link roundups have talked about uterus problems, which have clued me in to this kind of pain not being normal or acceptable. So a question: if I know I need to not have the hormone fluctuations of a menstrual cycle, because it causes severe spikes in depression/anxiety, and also I’m pretty sure I have PCOS, do I go to a gynecologist or an endocrinologist?
When I was 13 and first put on the pill because of hormone problems, it was an endocrinologist who did it and monitored the various levels, but eventually when they proved to be stable with the pill, I transitioned to just getting the script renewed with my annual gyn check-ups. At least until I was 21 and tired of taking pills every day and quit everything, very unadvisedly.
also i really, really, really wish i could have called in sick today because it hurts SO BAD even my 2 aleve + 1 tylenol migraine (aleve for the muscle/back pain, tylenol for backup and the caffeine in it) weren’t working and I’m having a very difficult time being a good/effective receptionist/admissions person and I knew it was going to be bad when I tried to do my weekly bikeride on sunday and was so depressed that i couldn’t enjoy it, and had to stop after 3 miles instead of my usual 14, because i wanted to cry and the more severe the depression/anxiety spike, the worse the cramps will be.
unfortunately, i am the ONLY receptionist/admissions person who is available today and unless i’m actively crying or throwing up, i feel too guilty to go home, which makes everything more frustrating. (100% lay the blame for this guilt complex on my parents who said “how will you keep a job if you have to call out sick every time you get your period” like just being in this much pain isn’t worth a sick day, and I’ve told this story a dozen times probably in the comments here)
I’d start with the ob/gyn because you’re more likely to find a woman ob/gyn than a woman endo.
I’m sorry you’re having uterus problems. That sucks.
Thanks! I’m a patient at an ob/gyn practice already and although mine just moved, my sister switched to someone else in the practice and recommends her, so that’s easy enough. I just haaaate scheduling appointments, so figured I’d start with the appropriate specialist, and wasn’t sure since it was endo last time.
Seconding the gynecologist first rec, because that’s the main aspect here, right? A gynecologist may wind up referring you to an endo if you need it, but that’s where I would start. Good luck, uterus problems suck. You’re not making things up, you shouldn’t feel guilty, and you definitely don’t need to be so sick and depressed every month.
Yes, but it was the endo when I was younger, which is why I’m not sure (I mean, the problem was too much testosterone because my ovaries were out of whack), and I really hate dealing with appointment scheduling, so I wasn’t sure which one would be more appropriate to minimize trouble.
Thanks!
Oh man, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. Years ago I had a really frustrating time finding a diagnosis and treatment regimen for what turned out to be vulvodynia but could’ve been a number of things.
My suggestion would be to look for an OB GYN who deals with pelvic pain specifically. If you happen to be in the NoVA/DC/MD area I can give you recs but otherwise just google “[your state] + pelvic pain.”
I went to my GP, my regular GYN, a more exclusive GYN, and a urologist before I ended up with the guy I found. The difference is that “pelvic pain” is a specialty that encompasses more of what can be happening in that area, pain wise. The people I tried first had narrower focuses and, I think, that led to a failure in connecting the dots between the symptoms and circumstances of my issue.
Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind! I’ve always had intensely horrible cramps since the very first time (ahhh memories~~~ easter morning 1997 waking up at 4am thinking i was dying because it felt like someone was using an ice pick on my innards, nothing like what is always described for first periods in books for girls where there’s just a little discomfort and ooops there’s a red spot!), but all the doctors seemed to think that was normal when i complained about it, and said “oh, the pill will help and you’re taking it anyway because of hormone problems”.
It seemed to be bearable for a while in my mid-20s, possibly because I lucked out and the cramps mostly fell on days when I was off work or could skip school, but it’s been getting worse for the last few years and the last year especially has been terrible (and lasting longer than 36 hours).
replying to myself because I am so fucking tired and done with this: i needed to call in sick again today, but couldn’t, and my car wouldn’t start this morning, so i had to rely on my uncle for a ride when i really just wanted to play disney show theme songs really loud with the windows open on the way to work, to force myself to focus on something else and i couldn’t.
(i will never apologise for liking the theme songs to disney shows they are very perky and singalongable, and right now i’m all about the Liv&Maddie and Girl Meets World ones. wizards of waverly place is also excellent)
You should definitely see a women’s health provider! That could be an OBGyn, or it could be a midwife, or a Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner.
PCOS is one of those diagnoses that some people, even those who “should” be experts, are uncomfortable managing. Shop around (insurance/finances/geography permitting) until you find someone who gives you good vibes and whom you can trust, and who TRUSTS YOU.
Using contraception medications to manage depression/anxiety is also pretty common and totally okay, and again you’ll find some providers know a lot about it and others, less.
Thank you!
Since it was an endo managing me before, and I suspect the source of the problem is the same, I wasn’t sure if that’s where I should go first, so I appreciate the advice!
I adored my gyn but she moved across the country so I couldn’t just call up to meet with her. My sister switched to someone else in the same practice and recommends her, so I’ll try to get an appointment with her, then.
PCOS is terribad. Go see a sympathetic, wise, experience gyn and do not be moderate in describing your symptoms and do not leave until they listen and respond appropriately.
I vote endocrinologist–specifically, a reproductive endocrinologist. They can certainly diagnose PCOS and recommend treatment, and my experience has been that they often have a more nuanced understanding of the different birth control options and how nicely they might play with the rest of your system.
I spent many teenage years bouncing from gyn to gyn trying to get a diagnosis other than “maybe PCOS?” and solutions other than randomly trying whatever birth control pill the gyn thought of that I hadn’t tried yet, while also having anxiety spikes during PMS.
First year of grad school, finally went to a reproductive endocrinologist, who looked at my chart for about 30 seconds and was like, “Wait, you have an anxiety disorder, why on earth would someone put you on a triphasic pill? That’s a terrible idea!” It was so validating to hear that and have someone very carefully tailor their recommendations based on knowledge of the specific progestins in certain BCPs and the possible effects on my mood. Once I started getting migraines triggered by the pills, they helped come up with an alternate plan (ah, spironolactone, my old friend! + metformin to help regulate my cycle).
I didn’t know that was a specialty!
it certainly solves the “endo or gyn???” problem. I did a search for my insurance and found 2 women who are both reproductive endocrinology specialists and gynecologists (actually, it was the only result for women repro endo currently accepting patients), so I’m going to call them up on Monday and make an appointment. They’re in the same practice, which is convenient.
I had the experience of swapping and testing different BC pills, because the generics and what our insurance was happy to cover kept changing. It was frustrating – I can’t take the variable dosage ones at all, and I think there are two basic steady-dose kinds? one of which i also can’t take. The variable one (triphasic?) made my anxiety so bad the last time I tried it, I couldn’t even go an entire month. Hopefully now that certain BC is free because of obamacare, it won’t be such an issue.
Thank you for chiming in! 🙂
14 weeks pregnant and finally starting to actually feel pregnant — in a good way!
Second trimester has got my mood WAY better than it was before — I say that but also have to admit I had a hormonal (sure, let’s blame it on that) crying break down in my regular doctor’s office this week because for some reason, when I’m there and THERE ONLY, my anxiety gets so bad that my heart starts pounding and I get a super high BP rate — when my BP is fine, normal, healthy at the midwife and any other time I take it at home. I KNEW it was anxiety driven and was so afraid my G.P. didn’t believe me, but she took one look at the crying pregnant woman and calmed me down and went through my entire medical history with me and told me she wasn’t going to worry about it and neither should I, and that she could tell I was a very normal (heh), healthy pregnant person.. Whew!! Feeling much better now.
Congratulations! I hope you have a very boring and straight forward pregnancy with a very boring (except for the whole miracle of life thing) delivery. 🙂
All I can focus on today is how badly I want to go home and how badly I want a gyro, despite how mean it would be to order a gyro in a blizzard and make an innocent person deliver it to me.
Tip the price of the food and get a gyro.
I’m thinking of getting one for dinner at a place where I can pick it up 🙂
Just out of interest (seeing the Brighton post above), anyone in Edinburgh here?
I am! We might be the only ones…
I basically never comment here but I’m in Edinburgh!
Hi Beccarex and Joancallamezzo!
How are you doing? Tell me a bit about yourselves maybe!
I’m a 20yo student
Currently I’m sitting with a drunk kind-of friend in someone else’s flat
But this is pretty atypical for my normal life
What’s up with you?
Ugh you guys I’m a lawyer and have been for almost 4 years, and in 4 years I have not had many losses, and I had a bad one this week and it suuuuuuuucks.
I mean, blah blah blah, it’s risk-based profession, you can’t always win, you’re going up against other smart people, etc. It’s one thing to know that theoretically. It’s another to feel it in your stomach.
I am a lawyer too and I know this feel and it sucks no matter how inevitable it is. <3
<3
Oh wow thanks this actually made me tear up. I’ve spent a lot of emotional energy being tough. That was a really good internet hug.
My boss always told me you aren’t a real lawyer until someone tags you with a verdict bigger than $1 million.
Oh man. That does make me feel better. It’s such a crazy profession! Here! Put your trust in me! I might lose! And badly!
<3
Bay area toasties! There have been periodic discussions about whether there is any sort of group, but I feel like those threads often happen very late in the day. So, slightly earlier this time: is there a secret bay area toast group? Are pekple interested in a meet up?
interested! do not know about a group!
So into this idea. I’d be happy to help organize if you want to start something.
I’ll start brainstorming secret handshakes.
Totally pro secret handshakes. As I said below to Beckie, I think a facebook or google group could be helpful for future planning and communication. I currently am having trouble figuring that out, but if anyone else is keen to do so, please do.
Okay, I just started Bay Area Toasties on facebook. Please join! If you have any trouble (I’ve never made a group before), email me or friend me (beckie at gmail), and I’ll add you.
I just joined/applied to join. EXCITED.
I was just coming to post that we have planned a San Jose meetup! Join us for brunch at Bill’s Cafe (on Alameda) on February 20th at 11:15 am. You can email me (beckie at gmail). I can start a facebook group if people are interested, too. I live in Palo Alto, so I’d also be up for a San Francisco branch Toast meetup.
Woo San Jose toasts! I think a facebook group could be useful – I just tried to start one but facebook says that I must add friends to my group to start? Facebook what if I just want an empty group all to myself!
Oh my gosh, Bill’s was my favorite place in the whole world back at college – I went to SCU. I’m up in the East Bay now, but would definitely be down for something in SF/Berkeley if anyone is in this part of the bay.
Oh man, I want to go but will be in Sebastopol for a girl’s getaway weekend.
I’m optimistic we’ll have more meetups! Join the new Bay Area Toasties facebook group or email/friend me (beckie at gmail), and I’ll add you.
I would like to attend this! I moved to Sunnyvale in July which is so meh and meeting other South Bay Toasties would be amazing.
Please come! I’m in Palo Alto. And join the Bay Area Toasties facebook group 🙂
I am terrified of meeting new people but Toasties are generally good people so would be into this. Anyone have an idea of a good SF place to meet? Is Borderlands up everyone’s alley?
Frankly I’m also terrified of meeting new people, but I’m trying to grow as a person, push boundaries, etc. Plus toasties don’t seem overly scary.
If it helps, I’ll also be terrified of meeting you, but I’m trying to be brave, anyway 🙂 Join the new Bay Area Toasties facebook group (yes, I’m posting that in all replies to make sure people see it)!
I went to a Captain Awkward meetup in Berkeley not long ago that was surprisingly good. I’m very into a Toast meetup.
I’m in San Francisco, I just moved here in August and I’m jobless and pregnant and have no friends here so I would definitely be interested in a meet-up!
Hi, I am late on this but I am also jobless and pregnant in SF! I have lived here for a couple of years if you want to meet up separate from a big planned thing since we are clearly on the same page, time and life-status wise. You can email me at jcm 236 at cornell dot edu.
Awesome! Would love to. Emailing now.
Join the new Bay Area Toasties facebook group!
I just moved here in December, and am trying to be way more active about meeting people than last time I moved, so I don’t end up in that embarrassing “I’ve lived here for years, but still have no friends” stage again…
Joined! Thanks for organizing. It is so hard to meet people as an adult. I have definitely been in the lived-here-way-too-long-to-have-no-friends situation before. A few times.
I used to be about an hour north and now I’m unfortunately TWO and not a car-driving kind of lady, but if you all ever field trip to Mendocino County do tell.
Join the new Bay Area Toasties facebook group, just in case 🙂 I saw a mention of Toast Camp sometime last week, did anything ever come of that?
I am feeling much better about life in general this week. My dog had his surgery consultation and the lumps are probably not cancer! They still need to come off and will be more money than I am entirely comfortable with. But Thor is on the schedule for next Thursday!
Yay for probably not cancer! Good luck for proving it’s not cancer next week!
I am in a mission to be a modern Renaissance woman despite not being rich nor having a patron. So, until I can shell out money for proper drawing lessons, does anyone have any videos or websites to recommend? I have the basics of drawing down, I just need to practice more.
Well, I believe Bob Ross is on Netflix now.
Sketchbook Skool has ongoing classes (they call them Klasses) that are not prohibitive, but really the best thing you can do is a LOT of drawing. Like, make a daily thing of it and really do it. the more time you spend looking at stuff and getting down on paper or paint or whatever your preferred medium, the better you will be at it.
So yeah, you already told yourself the answer – practice more.
with all the affection in the WORLD for a fellow journeyman artist –
I’ve tried checking books of my favorite artists’ work out of the library and making pencil sketches after them. Don’t know if this is what you had in mind, but it helped me to really look at their work.
My boss/mentor is leaving and I am waiting to hear back about another job I applied to at my same org (one that seems kind of a stretch but *Totally Isn’t*, yah know?). I definitely do NOT want her job, but am very concerned I will get saddled with all her responsibility in the meantime and none of the compensation. There might be news on the position I do want as soon as today… but I am not an optimist by nature, so this all just means I might scream.
Thanks for listening, Toasts!
I made the blondies from earlier this week and they are delicious. The addition of milk and different amount of flour makes them more cakey and light than true cookie bars. Also, they don’t go stale (they don’t last long enough for that).
My least favorite colleague had been away for nearly three weeks – two weeks of vacation and a few days of working out of our India office. I had forgotten how much I hate his lunchtime habit of putting on his headphones, watching clips from late-night comedy, and laughing really awkwardly loudly so that all of us go “what?” and he doesn’t even hear us.
Ahhh my office mate does the laughing thing and it is absolutely the worst! Congrats on having three weeks of lunchtime reprieve!
Aaaaaaagh one of my coworkers used to do this. Worse, we were friends before we worked together, so people would give me this look like “Really?” and I would just have to sigh and hide my head.
I’m trying to add more stress-relieving things into my life and I’d like to use some aromatherapy* but I’m not fond of patchouli, lavender, neroli, most rose, or geranium. What I’d love is something more tropical or soft floral. Any ideas?
*in the sense that “things what smell nice make me happy”, I’m not sure the other claims are likely to be true for me.
Maybe freesia? Orange blossom?
Freesia– I can’t wait till mine finally bloom.
Bergamot? It’s citrusy, which is nice. Was gonna suggest ylang ylang and sandalwood, but take both those with a huuuuge grain of salt because I also love patchouli and geranium, so I think we have opposite scent tastes.
Eucalyptus is my go-to stress reliever. It’s a little floral, maybe. I’m also team I just like to smell nice things, so I tend to ignore classifications and just smell everything and then purchase the not crazy expensive ones.
I wish there were a scent that was like the smell of a really nice florist. That’s mostly eucalyptus I think.
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has a perfume called Tenochtitlan that smells so tropical I wear it all winter to feel warm.
Thanks for a specific brand/type!
Maybe grapefruit?
That’s what I’ve been using until I come up with something else! I really like the love & toast “sugar grapefruit”.
Clary sage? I love the scent, which seems to me slightly green and slightly floral.
I keep forgetting that one!
I like jasmine for mellow/soothing scent and geranium for a kind of bracing kick in the butt. Also strawberry *leaves* as opposed to the fruit smell. Yum.
Have you ever smelled the foliage of an eglantine rose? It makes me think of ripening grapes still on the vine. Which is a smell from waaaay deep in my childhood. Are you the same way with strawberry leaves? I’ve never even heard of that as a separate scent from just “leaves, dark green”.
I have experience with aromatherapy. If you give me an idea of what you’re trying to specifically achieve and some scent profiles you like, I bet I could help.
Experts!! Hooray! If I could have the smell of a Pink Lady apple, or a Mr. Lincoln rose, something a touch sweet but not powdery, floral, and green. I was thinking how nice it would be to put a couple drops of something in my shower to help me focus on how relaxing it is to be warm and clean. I have a very strong sense of smell so I get really funny about how smells age which is why I thing something that rinses away would be great.
How did you get started at doing aromatherapy, may I ask?
I bought a house, y’all! I feel very lucky and excited. Thus, do any of you have favorite resources (books, blogs, podcasts) that focus on upkeep, repairs, homeownership, etc.? I’m probably better equipped than I realize, but I always feel better if I have a ton of info at hand.
When I moved into my first solo place, my mom got me a great book called “Dare to Repair” (which is aimed at women without a lot of previous experience). Highly recommend it.
If you have an older house, the “Old House Journal” magazine is also a great source of info on repairs/ rehab/ decorating, etc.
Ahhh! This is exactly what I needed! Thank you! And my future home was built in 1898, so the Old House Journal is perfect!
I’ve had a subscription since I was in high school, because I am a weirdo. It’s one of my favorite things in the world!
The house I live in now was my grandparents’ originally– it was built in 1930, but they did a lot of “modernizing” when they bought it in the ’60s. (With orange and brown plaid linoleum, wood paneling, etc.) So I’ve been slowly un-remodeling it to make it more ’30s-looking.
Congratulations!!!!!
HAMILTON NEWS!
If anyone wants to go all in on the songs, The Incomparable is doing podcast episodes discussing each song from the cast album INDIVIDUALLY. Listen, and rejoice!
https://www.theincomparable.com/pod4ham/
And I now my commute will be fire, thank you!
Cannot get enough of all things Hamilton. I listened to this yesterday, LMM is a flipping delight.
http://www.wnyc.org/story/episode-15-lin-manuel-m…
A headline that is making me go WHAT ON EARTH today:
Sanders supporters banned from Tinder after campaigning on dating app
Also, in much less whiny news, I really have to recommend Starkid Productions’s Starship. It’s a comedy musical that’s basically The Little Mermaid meets Starship Troopers, and I can’t get the main song out of my head. Enjoy! 😀
So last week I was upset about my 19-year-old cat Sunshine being diagnosed with cancer. Sadly there is no happy ending. I brought her in for x-rays on Monday; they didn’t find where the cancer was. Then Tuesday night I came home from work to find she had had a stroke when I was gone. I made the hard choice and said goodbye.
I will miss her very much.
I’m so sorry to hear that, sending many big internet hugs to you. You gave her a loving forever home, and now she can live on in your heart and memories.
Hugs to you. Wishing you good memories, and be gentle with yourself as you grieve her loss.
<3 toasthugs for you.
Sounds like she had a long life full of love. Sorry for your loss
I’m so horribly sorry for you.
I’m so sorry. I’m sending you so many hugs and much love.
I’m so sorry.
What a heartbreak. I’m so sorry to hear this, bb. I’m thinking of you.
Yes, it was a hard choice. But it was the right choice. Best option for Sunshine. The most loving gift you could give her. She was a lucky cat who felt cherished and protected.
Something’s in my eye. Both eyes.
I’m so sorry. It hurts a lot to lose a pet. We lost a beloved dog last month and are still missing him every day, some days a little less and some days a little more. All my sympathy and hugs to you.
I’m so sorry. Sending lots of love your way.
So many good thoughts to you, sunfastrose.
Godspeed, Sunshine. <3
I am so sorry. It is never easy. You are a compassionate, kind friend to do what she needed; it is an act of great love.
*hug*
Bless you both.
I’m so sorry. You did what you could to reduce her pain and I can’t imagine having to deal with that. Hugs to you.
Oh I’m so sorry! That is the hardest thing, definitely like losing a family member. I lost my beloved kitty soulmate in August and I still haven’t recovered. But 19 years, what a good long life your Sunshine had. Do whatever you need to do to comfort yourself and to remember her. (I bought an antique locket and put some of my boy’s fur in it, and also some artwork, and also made a Christmas ornament, and a whole quilt, and gained weight and missed a lot of work, but whatever. He deserved it all.)
This week I got the call that I’ve been identified as a possible bone marrow match for someone! I get to have blood taken for further testing next week. I’m super excited, though my GIANT PHOBIA OF NEEDLES may pose something of a problem both in the blood draw and, if it happens, the marrow extraction.
Good luck and thank you for being on the registry!
Well, I can’t promise anything, but I was a donor, and my nurses/coordinators were such amazing rockstars – if you’re upfront with them, they may be able to wrangle you a small chill pill prescription for the actual donation? It’s worth asking. And thank you so, so much for registering and being willing to donate!
How exciting! Best of luck! I bet they’ll be so glad to have you that they’ll do whatever they can to help with your needle phobia. Remember you are awesome!
I’ve donated bone marrow. They gave me general anesthesia or some sort of twilight sleep. But I was 16 so maybe that’s why. If you end up being a good match maybe that is an option?
When asked to count backwards from 100 by sevens, I got to 93 then said it was impossible and then Zzz. Math!
Congratulations, and go you for signing up as a potential donor! If you do end up being a match, I hope all of the needle stuff is bearable – it is great of you to still be put yourself forward.
What up nerds? I’ve been too busy for internet at my awesome new job, which is obviously way preferable to being underworked and sullen all day long, but I miss you clowns. We’ve got a buttload of snow and I don’t really want to go outside, so I thought I’d take my lunch break to catch up on whatever the heck has been going on around here.
I just saw a coyote, so my day’s pretty good so far.
Yoga Campers! What are you doing now?
I got a little behind, so I’ll be finishing up the Yoga Camp videos tomorrow, and I feel so much better for doing yoga (almost) every day that I don’t want to give myself a chance to stop. Should I do the 30 Days of Yoga? Other yoga video recommendations? Other non-yoga fairly gentle workout video recommendations?
Leslie Fightmaster (youtube channel) did a whole 90 day yoga thing last year, can’t say I did them all but the ones i did were good, I really enjoy her classes.
I came here to say that I just received my first Dad Magazine forwarded article and it is DELIGHTFUL. You can sign up to receive them here:
http://www.quirkbooks.com/post/join-fwd-dad-magaz…
Toast, I just started a new job and I actually sit at a computer between 9 and 5 now and that is novel and exciting. Please send me your preferred TinyLetters/blogs/podcasts so I can keep myself entertained when doing data entry & such (which is a v small part of my job but still.)
Two Bossy Dames is the best TinyLetter!
…let me shameless self-promote my own tinyletter at this juncture? tinyletter.com/sfbillimoria
but the OG of newsletters is the ann friedman weekly, that will keep you happily occupied should you not yet be on it!
Toasts, I have reached bitch-eating-crackers level of annoyance with my officemate. She cannot go ten seconds without clearing her throat or sighing or making some kind of noise. Why? Why do people do this?? All I want is a little peace and quiet on my Friday afternoon!
UGH I am here for the venting about office mates! I feel a little bad about being That Person who is annoyed with people for no reason, but I truly am That Person to my very core).
The annoying behavior of the week: she gulps her water so loudly and it is the most disgusting noise I’ve ever heard. I don’t need to hear a bolus of water going down your throat!! It’s so loud that it penetrates my earbuds! I don’t know why she can’t drink like a normal person! I’m sure I’m not the best office mate, but honestly. #fridayproblems
I used to sit across from a loud/open-mouth chewer who was also (unsurprisingly) a beverage slurper. She bought a water bottle with a straw attachment and I thought I was going to die. I understand your pain!
The guy in the cubicle next to me clears his throat every 15 seconds for an hour after he eats lunch. Every day. EVERY DAY.
I am a fidgeter and a throat-clearer and I apologize on their behalf 🙁 I do try not to fidget but I’m itchy! And I can’t really control the throat-clearing — there is gunk in my throat! I have allergies! I’m sorry
I am not alone! Thank you for being my younger, prettier twin.
I have GERD and I have to clear my throat a LOT after I eat and it annoys even me. Sigh.
The person next to me is a ferocious gum-popper, nail-tapper, and speaker-phone-dialer. Drives me crazy.
This thread is making me question my theory that annoying-office-sounds are mostly a dude thing!
A few months ago, everyone was posting those articles about misophobia and how “if you have it you’re probably a genius,” which makes me feel weird talking about it, lest I sound like the bajillion “introverts/extroverts/geminis/ENTPs/etc. are the best and here’s why” listicles out there …. but I’m certain I have it. Every pet peeve I have is sound-based. And the sound of barely audible whispering and silverware-clinking-on-dishes literally have a rage-inducing effect on me. And don’t get me started on the emotions I get when attempting to watch an ASMR video!
Yeah I Do Not Get ASMR videos, they annoy the crap out of me.
Yeah, I mean, I believe that other people actually get something out of them and it’s not a “fake” phenomenon. But it is just not within the makeup of my brain to experience it.
I’ve been told by an ASMR person that apparently there are a wide variety outside the “breathy voice of person pretending to touch you” types, and that ASMR is triggered by different things for different people. So I guess I’m open to the possibility that there’s something out there that would do it for me, but not so much that I’d be willing to sort through the ones that make me want to punch a wall.
Speaking as someone who loves ASMR:
If someone has described the sensation to you (it’s similar to having your hair brushed/played with, if that’s something you like) and you couldn’t think of any sounds or situations that have caused it in the past, it’s possible you just don’t “have” ASMR. Most of my ASMR-loving friends heard it described and went “oh man, there’s a word for that? I thought it was just me!”
This is what I suspect about myself tbh. I’ve heard it described and been like “huh?” When I tried looking at some videos they just got on my nerves. So I guess I just have a different brain, nothing new there 😀
Also: In much the same way that eroticism and disgust can be caused by the same things in different situations, so can misophonia and ASMR. Literally the exact same sounds will hypnotize me and make me calm and sleepy in one situation, and make my blood pressure skyrocket with rage in another.
I also work/have worked with women who make annoying noises (the one who loudly licked her fingers after eating made me want to die), but men seem to be slightly worse offenders.
I suspect I have misophonia, but how can you tell if it’s that or just being a very grumpy person?
I have a super rowdy loud space heater I can deploy if my coughing ex-smoker coworker is having a bad day, maybe you can get a white noise machine of some kind? Headphones with thunderstorms are also A+
What drives me up the wall is my damn dog licking her toes. I mean yeah she has to clean them, I’m not licking them for her, but oh my god, the house is so quiet and her spit is sooo spiiittyyyyy
Hahahaaha same with me and my cat. It’s like, sttoooooooppp liiiiiiiicking!!
I’m irritated by that sound, too. Can you teach your dog to lick out of earshot, or to leave the room on command?
My late LittleBoyDog was obsessive and had to be stopped from licking lest he ingest enough hair to puke, plus irritate his skin to the point of bleeding. So I taught him to stop on command. So many times daily, “LittleBoyDog, no.” He’d stop, drop his head, and sigh. “Good boy.”
Now I’ll hear a dog licking and automatically respond with a quiet, “LittleBoyDog, no.” The dog in question will stop only long enough to look at me like, “That’s not my name, ” then leave the room to continue the perfectly normal self grooming out of my hearing. Then I realize what I’ve done, drop my head, and sigh. I miss my good boy.
I am at Red Alert level bitch-eating-crackers with the guy I carpool to work with, unfortunately. Every single morning we have to stop at the drive through for him to get breakfast and every single day he requests a receipt. HE GETS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING EVERY DAY I have never seen him get anything else, why does he need a receipt? He says it’s to track his budget, but again, same damn thing every day, why does he need a receipt??
And then in the car he is a disgustingly loud drinker so every time he sips his copy he does this loud “*gulp* aaaaahhhhhhh” sound. It’s way too much for 8am on a Monday morning, particularly while putting up with his inane and tremendously boring small talk. He tells the same stories and makes the same “witty” observations over and over again even if I tell him I’ve heard it before. So I’m tracking how often he says each one to keep me sane. I have heard one 14 times.
GULP AAAAAAHHHH JERK is such a cliché in movies and tv HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW HOW ANNOYING HE IS.
Is he trolling you?
This sounds awwwful. Is he your boss? Is he paying you? Why do you have to put up with this???
You should turn it into a game of bingo!
May I recommend noise-cancelling headphones? You should still be able to hear when someone is speaking, but it will cut out most of those obnoxious environmental sounds.
(Currently using them in a loud-ass coffeeshop, and am blissfully unaware of whether or not the dude next to me is a mouth-breather. BLISS.)
I work with several people who are like this and it fills me with rage. (One is constantly breathing in a very laboured manner through his mouth, does loud, throat-clearing coughs, occasionally burps; one hums to himself constantly, smacks his lips and hiccups loudly; one talks to herself.) I don’t know if I have misophonia or am just very easily irritated, but I hate it. Why do people make noise?
Am I the only Toastie who thinks Cam Newton deserves a “If ____ was your boyfriend? That young man is a cutie in more ways than one.
Terrible Confession: Every single time I see Cam Newton’s name, I think of the fictional teen heartthrob actor Cam Geary that gets mentioned in The Babysitters Club books. I have no idea why I do this. I have not read a BSC book in probably almost twenty years.
But for a moment, I always picture this strange imaginary 80s-style guy in neon Ray-Ban sunglasses, because apparently that’s what “Young Hot Actor in The Babysitter Club” means in my head.
Every time I see his name, my brain automatically thinks they’re talking about Cam Winston (the nemesis on “Frasier”).
Every time I see his name recently, I think of how he named his son “Chosen,” and how (a) that’s pretty weird, and (b) too many en/on sounds in a row.
I accidentally care about football (oops), esp the Broncos (huh?), but Cam Newton seems like he’s a fun guy and an amazing player who’d be fun to hang out with, and I just like him…so, yes, someone imagine him as my boyfriend, please?
Yes please! I have zero interest in the NFL but I’m fond of Cam Newton. I think this is the first time in my life I’ve actually been excited about the Super Bowl.
RWAR, yes.
Over the course of the last year, job responsibilities have shifted around a lot, new organizational structures put in place in the office, etc (I mean, obviously, more so than the usual “we have 7 employees, which makes it easy to move everybody to the place where they will be most effective”). The managers had a meeting to discuss job descriptions this morning, and annual employee reviews are coming up. I know this doesn’t mean I’m going to get fired, but employee reviews always fill me with getting-fired dread.
In good news, the taco place went heavy on the queso on my carne asada Philly style today, so that’s cool.
I totally understand. May the odds be ever in your favor, along with extra queso.
I mean, I have no reason to think that I’d be getting fired, and I know that I’m liked, respected, and valued by my employer and my coworkers (and that I bring in money). This does not significantly reduce my anxiety at the prospect of being criticized by an authority figure.
Are there any early childhood educators out there in toast world? I’m a preschool teacher, reeling a bit from the death of a hero today. Bev Bos, you absolute treasure, you are going to be missed!
I was all set up to bring my co-teachers to a conference to see her speak on the 27th, and I’m so sad that they won’t get to see her and be bowled over by her amazingness.
A comment on the reading thread plus the discussion of commutes has reminded me how much I miss long public transit rides for reading. I’m in western Chicagoland and have the Metra available to me; Chicago Toasts, where’s a good place to go that’s within walking distance from Union Station? (Aside from the Art Institute, I mean, I could live there for sure.)
Have you been to the Cultural Center? There’s a gorgeous Tiffany dome, and they often have free concerts. I always meant to go to the Hull House museum, too.
There’s a Strandbeest exhibition! Perfect, I know what I’m doing this weekend. Thank you. 🙂
STRANDBEEST!
The Hellenic Museum is about a 10 min walk from Union Station. I always see it from the bus and have been meaning to stop by.
If you feel like splurging, try to get tickets to the Lyric Opera! Their production quality is aces. PLUS, this month the Guild Board is selling tickets for Backstage Tours of the opera house. I went on one a few years ago and imo, it’s well worth the price. You get to go through the costume, hair/makeup, and props departments, plus seeing all of the backstage areas including the dressing rooms, AND you get to walk out on stage too. The tour guides give lots of great background info that’s fascinating. Even if you’re more a theater person than opera person, it’s still a really cool little adventure to go on.
Are any Toasties going on the JoCo Cruise this year? I’m going for the first time and am counting down the days.
It’s been a Bad Week.
Semester went out with a bang. I held one last shitty presentation today, the worst in years (surpassing the shitty one at the beginning of the semester by 0.2% shittiness). I just wanted to talk a bit about what I do in my doctoral project, but noticed I was losing the students before I’d even set up the framework for the discussion. It got confused and messy, and at one point one of the students implied that I’ve lost my grip on reality (and this has been uncomfortably common in the last months).
I know exactly what is real and what is fictional, thank you. I just have an academic working relationship to a thing (science fiction film and tv), which quite a few people either believe to be unrealistic/stupid anyway, or consider escapism. I’m not stupid. In fact, I probably know more about current robotics research than the average person implying these things, and it’s my bloody job to analyse every single detail of That Stupid TV Show Your Dad Liked.
Gah.
🙁
I am deeply curious about your research now, though??? Can you share more?
Always! That’s what made it all so horrible – I actually love to talk about my research!
I’m analysing humanisation narratives of android/cyborg/AI characters and their relationships to human characters in (mostly) North American film and TV. So basically, it’s one part having to watch a lot of sci fi of varying qualities – if there’s a robot in it, I’ve probably seen it, and I’ll have Opinions. The other part is a humongeous amount of theory work – I get to ask all the big questions:
What makes the human characters human, as opposed to the technicised Other? What does that mean? Can a robot have a soul? What is conscience? Can an android be a person? What is a person anyway? How many protheses do I need to have to become a cyborg? What is an individual? Can a non-corporeal AI have real relationships with humans? Human ethics and morality vs. posthuman superiority?
How do these films and tv shows try to answer these questions, and how do these answers change over time? What does that mean for the real world/culture/history?
I read a lot of really odd philosophy these days, ranging from aristotelean scholastics to french poststructuralism to posthumanist theory…
I have a lot of opions on all of these things. I do know that can seem strange if people don’t know I’m that involved in these things.
…Is there any chance that you go to WisCon, or would be interested in doing so? Because this is RIGHT up our alley there.
Oooooooh! Sounds nice! No, unfortunately I will not be there – mainly because I’m located in Germany and I’m already doing a research trip to the US this spring.
I’ll be in Seattle at the PCA/ACA National Conference, and it’s my first trip to the US (after studying American Cultural History for 8 years now) *and* my first real conference, and I’m sooooooooooooooo excited! Waaaahhhh!
Also I’ll get to see Philip K. Dick’s correspondence and mixed other nerd stuff at the library archive of UC Fullerton. Nnnnnghhhh.
(and I’ll have all the fast food. And go to Disneyland.)
That sounds equally awesome! Good luck, and eat lots of tasty burgers.
Thanks! 🙂
Seattle meetup when you’re here??
That would be lovely! 🙂 You’re all so kind!
Oh dang, I did a much, MUCH more simplified version of this for my undergrad honors thesis – specifically looking at Battlestar Galactica (the new one) and what determines who’s a human and who’s not when Cylons look and act human and can reproduce with humans and etc. (like who insists on referring to Cylons as “it” vs. “he/she”) and I would LOVE to hear about your research. And anyone who thinks that this stuff isn’t “real” or relevant or whatever isn’t paying attention. (Also I broke my arm recently and got some plates installed to hold it together and enjoy referring to them as my robot parts, so.)
uuuuh! that’s basically how I started the whole thing – BSG is one in four shows I analysed in my MA thesis. It’s very close to my heart. While I was writing that thesis I noticed that there was no sensible book on the theory/philosophy of depicting “human-ness” as a social category, and that’s basically what I’m trying to do in my dissertation now…
If your dissertation is in English or not impossible to convert, I would pay good money to read a book of it, no lie.
Still not totally sure about what language it’s going to be in tbh – normally I’d write in German (my English is good but not perfect), but if I wrote in English, I’d have a much bigger potential readership and it might be easier to find an affordable publisher…
Ah well…
Agreed it sounds fascinating! And would add that presenting in front of people always feels worse than it actually is. You don’t take into account the fact that faces don’t reflect the spinning brains behind them. I always expect people to be smiling and nodding and then realize I never do that myself when in a group, listening. No doubt you got through to some even if others were jerky!
Aaaaaahhh that sounds fantastic! I want to know about all these things but I’m not sure I want to invest the time to do all the research. What is wrong with those students!
AFAIK it hasn’t been made into TV/film but one of my favorite novels that wrestles with some of these concepts is He, She and It by the inimitable Marge Pearcy, and I wonder if you’d read it.
you’re all so kind ily! I’m embarrassingly underinformed about books! I don’t know this one and I’ll love to find out more about it!
Oh, this sounds AMAZING.
I’m genuinely surprised that people find your research weird. People loooove sci-fi movies. Do they, like, find all academia weird?
Happy Friday and have a fantastic weekend, everyone!
Things have been going well – the dog days are over! My ship is coming in. Things are coming up roses. Whichever cliche you prefer… But it feels good 🙂
I got a new job! It’s only part time so I’m holding on to my regular, full time job for now, but it will serve as a fantastic resume booster, extra income generator, and eventual exit strategy from my current workplace.
Now my goal is to just accept that things are going well for me and I have nothing to needlessly stress myself out over for the moment. And to spend this weekend celebrating and being young and stupid to compensate for all the Adulting!
Advice on finding a therapist? I saw someone mention this above and think it could be its own thread. It’s hard!
I always have thought the best way is to get a reference from a friend and start there, even if you end up seeing someone else. So, I did that recently and followed a trail of references and came up short. No one with the right vibes/schedule/location. I’ve been looking at the Psychology Today listings but there has to be a better way, right? Ideas welcome.
Alternatively, anyone want to recommend a therapist in San Francisco/Oakland or anyone near like any Bart stop?
One thing might be asking a doctor you trust for references – two or three names, in case one doesn’t work. I found my therapist based on a reference from my mom’s cardiologist!
Hmmm how have I never thought of that! So simple, yet so smart.
Doctors you trust (especially those who perform surgery) are usually great resources for therapists in my experience. At least through the hospital my mother works in, many physicians see a hospital-connected therapist in the case of losing a patient/an especially hard or stressful case, or just, you know, generally. I found my favorite therapist this way!
I moved to a new place and had to find a therapist (but didn’t have any trusted doctors for recs), so I used my insurance website to find therapists who were walkable-ish to my apartment and who took my insurance. From there, I chose the one who had the best website and would allow me to email to start the process, because I felt like someone who had a really descriptive website and didn’t make me call them would be someone who understood my pre-therapy needs (knowing stuff before doing it, not talking on the phone to a stranger). It’s worked out pretty well, but I also live in a smaller city with fewer options than you probably have.
From friends’ experiences, if you find a therapist and don’t like some part of their approach, you can ask them for therapists who do more of a [thing you do like, e.g., offering more or less advice, talking more or less about your childhood, whatver] and they’ll recommend someone. Any therapist who isn’t The Worst should recognize that their style doesn’t work for everyone, and should be able to recommend someone who’s more in line with what you want.
If you have someone else in the area to ask, definitely do that, but if you don’t – just make the leap. It’ll be easier to find something after that if you don’t like the first leap.
If you contact me on tumblr (same name) I can give you the name of mine. Sliding scale, queer friendly, in Berkeley.
I found them by searching for queer friendly therapists in the East Bay, on google, as you do. I ended up going down a rabbit hole of list sites and then narrowed it down by who had websites. I was able to get a feel for them by that alone – but, I’ve had good therapy in the past and had some definite Opinions. So.
I assumed the forecast, for an inch or so of snow, meant the town would react in a reasonable fashion, that is, it would force people to school and then freak out later. So I woke my patient and amazing child, and made her a lunch and then checked to see if there was in fact school today. Pro-tip – this is NOT the order to do these things in. And there wasn’t any school. We are having the first snow day of the YEAR people, this is NOT normal. She was pleased because as a senior she does not have to make up snow days this year. And she didn’t really want to go back to bed, even though when left to her own devices she’ll sleep until 3 pm, and I’d woken her up a full work day earlier than this, so we went out for breakfast. In the snow. She ordered apologetic blueberry pancakes, and I drank the mocha of contrition, and then we went to acquire groceries and noticed the tiny pineapples, so we made up a story about the large adults foraging for food while one stood guard over the babies, and took pictures and I’ll post it to FB later today, and then when looking at the children’s art supplies she noticed with horror that all the condoms and family planning and menstrual gear was opposite them in the aisle. We agreed it had to do with genitalia. And then we realized it had to do with things that inserted into women’s genitalia and then we laughed so hard they nearly tossed us out of the store, and we finished the grocery shopping and came home. Her dad pointed out that failure to use one end of the aisle correctly meant you’d be in the other end of the aisle with the baby stuff, but we still had residual giggles from everything. I think, in retrospect it is a fine thing to normalize all of that, and having it across from the kids’ art supplies is one way to do exactly that. But still.
Now she’s passed out in the comfy chair with 1/4 of the (bloody enormous and seemingly neverending) stripy afghan I am knitting. Only 1/4 of it is in final form. Another 1/4 is on the needles, and the remaining half is still merely planned for. She is really small for her age, and she curls up smaller.
Once she wakes up again we’ll make grilled cheese sammiches with lots of butter on white bread that toasts well, and then Friday dinner is at my hose tonight and the large girl is coming for supper with the young man and two of his room mates.
I am leading a good life here.
That story made me feel so warm and cozy. Thanks for sharing! Now I simultaneously want to be a highschooler bonding with my mom again AND be a mom bonding with my hypothetical child, and it’s a very weird want.
I get it! I wanted to say THIS is why I had kids. Babies are excellent, but once they talk back, life is REVOLUTIONIZED I tell you what.
This is the best life, and one such as I hope my currently surly teen daughter and I will coalesce to, eventually, as my mom and I did.
[I just drank a 5 hour energy in the interest of doing lots of work and instead I am really efficiently reading the open thread.]
Today I am thankful for the fact that my spouse and I have the exact same level of tolerance (///over-tolerance) of personal grossness (like, nothing actually dangerous or that affects others, don’t freak out).
What weird thing are YOU thankful for?
forever grateful for friends who understand low-level anxiety that impedes my ability to do tiny and normal tasks (ie, i have to send this email and it’s SO HARD.) as well as manifesting itself in large and esoteric angst (what if i cannot have children, but also, what does it mean to want children?)
I have very shapely calves.
Was going to say other things but now I’m just going to say I’m drunk from new teacher drinks, and that is all.
Ok, I have a stupid anxiety brain post under the cut.
Basically, I have some pretty terrible anxiety. It’s a lot better than it used to be (I’m not a complete agoraphobe anymore) but I still have some pretty bad social anxiety and general anxiety issues. I usually manage pretty well, as long as I keep up the self-care stuff. And I’ve been doing that really well for about a year or so.
This week was super bad. Basically a department is/was super mad at the library for something I initiated and got the backing for etc involving cutting one of their major journal subs down from 35k to 21k (Librarians in the audience may guess as to what subscription). So, they were mad because no one told them because I was told not to tell them until it was all done.
We met with them yesterday at 1pm. I felt nauseous and anxious and agoraphobic ALL MORNING. I finally went home, had chamomile tea, a emergency xanax, some pepto (for the nausea), and a bit of a lie down before coming back to work for the meeting (it went as well as it could have gone). This is the worst anxiety attack I’ve had in 4 years.
Anyway, my colleagues at other institutions are encouraging me to gtfo because apparently your job shouldn’t give you that much stress. I’ve been here for only a year and a half. My feeling is that my experience at this point is so broadly scattered (In the past almost 8 years, I’ve done: archives, scholarly communication, instruction, collection development, digital preservation, records management, outreach, student worker mentoring, reference, IT help desk, System admin, etc.).
I feel like I’m really stuck and I keep having random bouts of nausea anxiety from work even after the whole thing is mostly cleared up. Advice? Encouragement? Coupons for Pepto bismol tablets?
Do you have or can you work with a therapist again? I have to remind myself every couple years that therapy isn’t permanent, and I sometimes need a tune-up. If only it were permanent! Sigh! There would be like 10 awesome therapists in the world and they’d just slowly work through everyone 😉
oh man not telling them until it was too late… I mean it’s not the end of the world, they can pay for it out of their budget if it’s so important.
Broad experience is good!
How about ginger candy for nausea?
I’m a library technical assistant despite my MLIS, I just needed a) any job b) something lower stress because my brain was fried from divorce and elder care. It’s been five years and things are going quite well (when I’m not freaking out about my salary and my career aaaahhhhhh<–more often than I’d like but oh well)
Hey… want to trade lives for a week? haha
Hello you wise Toasties! I wanted to solicit some friendly advice from you folks on the subject of CAT ADOPTION!
My tale is slightly convoluted let me try to break it down a little bit-
I currently live by myself in a pretty nicely sized apartment that is pet friendly (FINALLY)
Being the huge animal lover I am I was all about getting a pet. A dog is out because I work long days.
So I determined to look into cats. Now the problem here is that I’m am allergic, so i’ve been extensively researching breeds that cause less of an allergic reaction. They exist but all are very rare and hard to come by.
So…I happened to find one of those elusive breeds at a shelter in NJ near my parents house.
They have a mom and kitten available (Balinese) and I am going to see them on Sunday.
I am taking my families dog with me since I need any cats I take to ….at the minimum….not try to kill my beloved dog or any future dogs.
I never intended on taking in two cats but the pair must be adopted together and it doesn’t seem like a bad idea for a cat to have a buddy.
SO here are my random questions-
1. Does anyone have a Balinese? What are they like?
2. Are you allergic and live with cats? How bad is it for you? What are your coping mechanisms?
3. I’ve never adopted a cat, I assume people here have? How was it when you first brought them home anything I should be aware of?
4. Kittens! Are they are intense as I’ve heard? Should I hide everything breakable?
5. Are there any red flags or warning signs I should be looking for at the shelter before committing to adoption?
6. Is bringing the dog an awful idea? I’ve seen people argue on both ends of that.
Phew, sorry for the giant block of text, I’m a ball of potential new furry friend anxiety! Thanks all
2. I am allergic to ALL THE DANDER, but I have a big fluffy butt of a cat. I use allergy meds every day brush the fluffer as often as he’ll let me (so, like 80% of the time). That cuts down on a lot of issues for me. Also, he sometimes gets a bath.
3. I kept my cat in the bathroom for the first couple of days so he could get used to not being in the shelter and get freaked out by the palatial 500sqft apartment I had at the time. He escaped from confinement repeatedly so then I gave up.
6. Not a terrible idea, but make sure that the cats have a way/place to escape the dog if they need to. They’ll feel more comfortable if they can get away from the big loud smelly thing easily. Similarly, make sure that the dog is calm and try to keep the dog calm throughout.
2. I am not allergic but my BF is. When we first got Ms. Kitty, he took allegra and now he’s adjusted to her and is totally fine. (It’s actually kind of weird…when he goes to other people’s houses, he gets red eyed and sniffly but around our cat he’s fine)
3. Our kitty was 3 months old when we brought her home. She was kind of shakey and scared but explored everything and was fine within a couple hours. We mostly just left her to her exploring and couch-hiding and she seemed to take that as a sign that we were OK. Would definitely suggest having the litter box and food set up before the cat comes home. The very first thing we did was show her food and her litter box and she’s never had issues.
4. Kittens can be a little intense. They want to jump on things but are bad at it so they definitely knock stuff down a lot. We started by only letting her in the main room, then opened the bathroom to her, then the bedroom. That seems to have worked OK. She definitely still (at 7 months) needs at LEAST a half hour of playtime every day. On the whole though, lightyears less intense than a puppy.
This happens a lot with cat allergies! Your body adjusts to the dander/cat spit of your cat and then still reacts to other cats. When I was a kid I used to stay at my one aunt’s a lot and her two cats, but if I went to my other aunt’s house (also with two cats) I would get red eyes/croup cough.
4. The first few weeks with a kitten are pretty tiring! I didn’t have any issues with Kiya breaking things so much as scratching/ripping/climbing things. And you would not BELIEVE what tiny spaces they can get into! I tried to keep her in the kitchen at night-time, but she crawled under the TWO INCH SPACE between the door and the floor! She was also real fond of sleeping as close to my face as possible at night for a while there.
That said, the good news is: had a total of ZERO urine/feces accidents. Kittens are instinctively litter trained, as long as you have an easily accessible box for them. And the “terror kitten” phrase really only lasted 2-3 weeks. And also they are so cute it’s almost unbearable.
I would think that even a cat-friendly dog would be freaked out by a strange dog coming into the shelter in that environment. Does the shelter know if they are used to dogs? If not, then when the dog comes to visit, make sure the cats have somewhere they can go where the dog can’t follow.
Second the advice to shut them somewhere quiet and calm with food, water and tray to start with, leave them alone to acclimatise for a bit. Unless they turn out to be perfectly happy from the start, which some are. (Saffron lived in the cupboard under the sink for six weeks.)
I am allergic and have a cat! Granted, my allergies have diminished significantly since I was a kid, but they’re still there. Anyway:
– I took allergy meds for ~month when I first got my cat
– I try to dust/vacuum/sweep as much as possible
– When my allergies start getting bad (mornings, usually with red eyes/sneezing) I know it’s time to wash all my sheets/comforter
– I have eye drops on hand
(It’s actually kind of weird…when he goes to other people’s houses, he gets red eyed and sniffly but around our cat he’s fine)
This is also my lifelong experience living with my own and other people’s cats.
Ditto don’t take the dog. I gather from what you’re saying that the dog will be an occasional visitor? Wait till the cats are settled before having him over, and yeah, make sure they have a place to hide.
Not a “don’t adopt” warning sign, but be on the lookout to see if the cats have weepy eyes or breathing problems–lot of cats in shelters pick up upper respiratory infections, and you’ll have to start out your relationship giving them courses of antibiotics (this happened with my beloved Nell, so it isn’t a deal-breaker, but it is a bit of additional up-front expense, and you have to figure out how to get them to take the damned meds. Try if at all possible to get liquids–pilling a new cat is hell.)
The general mantra is to do the slow-acclimation/shut the cat up in a small space and gradually work out to the whole apartment routine when bringing in a new cat. I have never found this to work, and in fact the cat usually seems really stressed to be in a strange place where there are noises Out There that she doesn’t know what’s making them. I usually just make sure I have a day or two to spend at home with them to begin with and let them roam at will. That way, they identify their own safe space and explore on their own terms, not yours. If one or both finds a weird hidey hole and just stays there for a day or two–or a week–just let them. Keep an eye on them, move their food/water/litter near the spot, and just go about your business, maybe just sitting on the floor near their spot so they get used to the idea of you, maybe occasionally talking to them quietly. They will come out soon enough.
Kittens get into stuff. Try to eliminate lots of electric cords hanging around, put away anything exceptionally valuable or museum-wax it down, make sure any plants you have in the apartment aren’t toxic to cats. If they start getting really persistent about jumping onto things you don’t want them on (like kitchen counters), there are these air-blaster things you can get (http://www.amazon.com/Ssscat-PDT00-13914-SSSCAT-Cat-Training/dp/B000RIA95G/ref=sr_1_1?s=pet-supplies&ie=UTF8&qid=1454712264&sr=1-1&keywords=ssscat) that work really well–they startle the cat (and often you) but don’t injure them so that they avoid the space. And, I will be honest, there is nothing funnier than seeing a really bossy, persistent cat get her comeuppance when the thing hisses at them. I think Nellie once did a bona-fide 1-1/2 back gainer when she thought she was going to get away with taking a “screw you” stroll over the counter.
Everyone has been super helpful!
And yes the dog would only be coming over once or twice a month so they don’t need to be best buddies, just tolerate each other. She’s old/fluffy/small and not the type to start a fight haha
That air horn looks fantastic for cats AND practical jokes, definitely bookmarking this link haha
2. I am pretty allergic to cats but unexpectedly ended up with a kitten. It’s been surprisingly easy. He’s just a random long haired cat of no particular breed, but kittens in general are less allergen-making than adults so I got to ease into it as he got bigger. He’s also black, and anecdotally I’ve seen a lot of people suggest black cats are less allergenic. When I got him my only issue was that anytime he scratched me I broke into hives. I mostly just ignored that or took over the counter medicine if it got too bad and it doesn’t happen anymore. I do have persistent sinus inflammation that started before I got the cat and hasn’t gone away and may be made worse by constantly rubbing my face on the cat and I have a prescription nasal spray because not rubbing my face on the cat isn’t going to happen. I also have a vacuum with a HEPA filter and I’ve bumped up how often I wash my bed sheets and my duvet cover because the cat likes to lie on my pillow sometimes.
2. My adoption was a little unusual because he was a feral kitten that literally showed up on our doorstep one day so we didn’t do a formal adoption so much as catch the bugger in a net and stick him in the spare bedroom. It was pretty simple, we left him in there for about two days, regularly going and sitting with him. He’d hiss and growl when we’d first walk in but within 5-10 minutes be chasing ping pong balls we’d throw for him and climbing all over us. One thing to be aware of, kittens need special kitten food that won’t meet the needs of the adult cat, so you’ll need two types of food for them until the baby is grown.
4. I don’t remember a lot of breaking things, but there was a lot of chewing things and he needed almost constant stimulation from the time we came home from work until we went to bed. Like, as in we’d take shifts so someone could always be playing with him. And there was a lot of scratching, sticking paws in any drinking glass he could find, attempts to steal food, and more nights than not I’d wake up with him having crawled under the blankets so he could bite my feet while I slept. Kittens are assholes.
I’m allergic and have two. Claratin in my bff, but I’ll be honest: I’m still stuffy some days. Allergies aside, two is easier than one, especially pair bonded already like this. Kittens are a pain in the ass, but they grown out of it sooner than puppies.
3. Just for your own self care, it’s not unusual to be stressed out or even depressed after adopting a new cat, kind of like postpartum depression. But it’s ok! You’ll get past it (if you have it at all.) And I’ve heard that Siamese (and by extension Balinese) can be demanding and clingy and need a lot of attention, which would stress me out. But having two kitties is much easier than one, I think. You’ll do great!
5. If you notice anything wrong while you’re at the shelter, they might be able to give the kitties a quick checkup and medicine before you bring them home. Then take them to a regular vet checkup soon after adoption.
sorry i’m super late to this, maybe you already visited the cat, but since i have done cat adoptions and have a mom who has allergies + 2 cats, hopefully some of my advice is helpful…
1. from what i know, balinese are like siamese, and if that’s true, they are talkative, curious, playful & smart. i have 2 siamese mixes and their personalities are absolutely awesome, friendly and hilarious.
2. my mom has lived with allergies & cats for years. her must-haves are hardwood floors that can be cleaned regularly and mopped if needed [a wet swiffer or the like is good for quick cleanup]. if you have upholstry, you might put some blankets out so you can throw them in the wash regularly. she also runs an air purifier, which helps a lot. i’ve also heard it helps to wipe down the cat weekly with a damp cloth, picking up the allergens.
3. as a cat-foster, we always suggest starting the cats in their own room, since a whole new house can be overwhelming for them and cause them to hide, especially if they’ve been in a small shelter cage. you’ll want to get them a comfy bed, a scratcher, maybe even a cat tree so they can run up & retreat when needed. also, kittens love to run and climb, and the tree is great for that, as are wand toys, but they will probably keep each other occupied. you will learn a lot about whether they will break things or what they gravitate to watching them in the 1 room, which you’ll have to keep them in awhile if you are also introducing a dog.
4. kittens! they are intense, but it can be a short-lived thing. also, if you just have one kitten and her mom, it’s not as bad as a bunch of kittens. main thing is, hide cords of all kinds. some kittens develop a liking to biting them, and you don’t want this habit to develop.
5. true shelters are really just the pound. unless you’re working with an adoption group, which is usually going to be a foster’s house, you can’t really get a good shelter vs a bad one. if you have the choice of a humane society, they are usually a step up in terms of accommodations for the animals and overall health, but if you found a specific cat in a specific shelter, look past the the shelter and just get the cat you want.
6. bringing a dog is not advisable, mainly because you’re setting up a test that both the dog and cat are very likely to fail. the potential of how they get along will depend more on how they’re introduced in a permanent home rather than a first meeting. shelters are usually loud, scary places, so she may ignore the dog since she’s surrounded by them, or completely overreact. kittens acclimate to many situations, and will probably get to like a dog if exposed early. generally speaking, take your time at the shelter to get to know the cat [mainly the mom, since she is an adult and her permanent personality has developed].
as you get to know your pets, all kinds of things can come up. there are great resources for learning about cat behavior and what some of their signs are that you can address for maximum assimilation to your home. i always suggest watching episodes of “my cat from hell” which is a silly name for a show about addressing problem cat behavior, full of good advice. and make sure to get them on a good, grain-free diet, which will help with their overall long-term health.
Thanks for this very thoughtful response!
I went on Sunday and did end up adopting them 😀
But they don’t come home till March so I’m spending the next few weeks reading up and cat proofing the house.
Happy to hear about your Siamese, I’ve been reading up on this breed and everyone makes them sound like velociraptors..i.e. SUPER smart and SUPER intense, which is a bit extreme sounding? But hey, I am ready for some training.
Now I just need names!
i don’t know if i’d go so far as to say they’re extreme, but the breed does have its fans, and i’ve definitely gotten a soft spot for them. the thing is, though, some of them are very active, and in my experience, some have tended to have dense, muscular bodies, so i was careful to adopt to people i knew would play with them and give them a climbing tree. when you see cats that are exceptionally athletic, you want to give them what they need. are yours fluffy or long & lean shorthairs?
that’s not to say i prefer them above others, but they have an affable social manner that works well with humans. mine chirp and trill as they go about their business around the house, they do a lot of athletic jumping after toys. one of mine is a spaz goof who is always friendly to new cats, the other is graceful, jumpy and very cuddly, and just learned to fetch. or rather, she showed me that she’d bring me a toy if i throw it for her. i also have a mother & daughter [mom is not siamese] and they are so freakin adorable together. your mom cat is probably still pretty young and kitten-like, so they will make a nice pair, cuddle together, groom each other, etc.
one of the litters i rescued was half siamese, but you couldn’t tell because they got outward tabby coloring from their mom, and since there were multiple fathers, i didn’t actually know what-all the other half of them were if they didn’t have behavioral traits. but one couple with allergies adopted a tabby male and said they think he’s siamese because he sleeps with them and they are not bothered by him. i have no idea how this whole siamese / allergy thing works, but it got their vote.
So, funny story about these cats. I don’t know if you recall that Adam Driver cat that blew up the internet a few weeks ago? I was actually supposed to adopt HIM, but decided not to. (story for another time) Anyway, these cats are his mom and sister. He was a very long and lean shorthair, and the kitten looks just like him so I imagine she will follow suit. The mom on the other hand definitely has longer hair and seems a bit stockier, though it’s hard for me to say for certain, since she’s a bit overweight from being crated and stealing some kitten food. From what I’m told at least.
Regardless, I was definitely looking for cats that were smart/affectionate/playful, so I’m excited to see how these two acclimate!
I did it, Toastfolk, I gave in and started watching GBBO. Finished season 1, and now done with eps 1&2 of season 2…although the youtube upload for this season has something funny going on with the sound.
I think I am going to bake scones this weekend, as a result.
Though I’m not bonding to any of the contestants in this season yet, so hopefully that changes. I really liked the S1 people. The cute little Welsh bus driver!
Super bowl snack thread? I don’t care at all about the game, but I love any excuse to make snacky-type food.
I think this year I’m going to make buffalo chicken wing dip in a crescent roll ring and something Mexican. I’d been thinking enchiladas, now I’m thinking of just doing a taco bar type thing, since that’s less work for me. I’m going to try the Budget Bytes refried bean recipe either way. I’ll probably also have vegetables and ranch dip, or maybe hummus. Or maybe both!
For dessert, I’m going to make Jaya’s blondies.
I’m making spinach artichoke dip!! I have a lonely can of artichoke hearts sitting in my pantry, and spinach = healthy, so it’s a win-win. I may have been researching spin dip recipes all day instead of doing work…
My friend did a make-your-own nachos party and it was the best ever. Highly recommend. Later, someone brought chili.
Third week of the semester. No snow day, no broken bones (my kids). However, all three of us have had stomach issues/fever, and I did my first lecture to the class I think with a fever? because my co-TA and my professor were already sick…), AND came in to work today and “the hallway doors” (which stop nothing), were closed today. Meaning “I’m going to come down there and take you all out” crazy lady stuff was going down. I think it was a court date. Once again, nobody says anything. I WANT TO LEAVE ENTIRELY. Its hard enough being a full time student without also working part time at a job where they don’t think it’s important to tell you you may be shot.
Now I have 2 hours to do my stats homework and I had to drive 40 miles to campus because I forgot I didn’t have the software at home, and I threw my back out from not-puking.
Sick kids mean I’m dealing with the ex more than I should. It’s pissing me off.
I am still very happy about my funding though. Ecstatic about my funding.
Oof. I once had the flu and tried to go in to teach my section and my co-TA sent me home thank goodness. So glad to hear about your funding, though!!! Your research is gonna be SO DOPE. That’s a scientific term, you know ::nodnod::
Where…where do you work? I mean…what…
now that I’ve done my stats homework, I can answer. I work in a small gov’t office. With housing inspectors, that have pissed off a hoarder lady by starting to tow away junk cars off her lawn. She said “I’m going to come down there and take you all out” and then named my boss and others specifically. I found out a few weeks ago the first time, when I overheard the secretaries talking about how to call 911 if she showed up. They don’t give a fuck, so the only way I know she’s amped up the threat level is when I come into work and they’ve done one totally ineffective thing, which is close swinging doors. Posted no security guard, put up no cameras, and have no exit plan or active shooter protocol. I have brought this up and they don’t care. So I have informed my boss that if anything happens, I have my exit, and I have a window. But fuck that.
Hi Toast, sorry I’m late but I’m buried under a week of accumulated depression-sludge (still dealing with the emotional fallout of family stuff) and stymied by lack of dependable Internet connection.
Hope y’all had a good week, and if not, hope your weekend makes up for it.
Pagan/witch Toast thread?
Discussion of a particular related topic in the comments.
My self-esteem has been in a really dark place…for a while now. There are reasons for this; however, I really, really, really want to move past those reasons. Do any of you have any particular rituals you like to do to just make you actually like yourself? Telling myself “hey, at least you’re a good artist!” just isn’t cutting it.
Well, I’m technically not a witch anymore, but I still do some of the things I did when I was.
Like, any ritual you can do as a reward to yourself for being awesome, kinda ‘tricks’ you into believing that you are awesome and totally deserve to be spoiled by yourself, because you are and you do.
I always liked making by own bath salts with herbs and extracts* at my altar like I was casting a spell on it, then taking a nice hot soaking bath with them in total darkness (maybe a candle) with white noise playing. Lets me recharge and appreciate my own company for a bit. The herbs you use, the spell you do, etc can change based on how you’re feeling and what you want to accomplish. YMMV.
* I use lavender, tea tree oil, and olive or coconut oil in plain table salt or kosher large grain salt. Works wonders.
I really love candle magic; one thing I used to do was to sit down and spend some time pouring all my bad feelings into a candle, which I’d then burn every morning as I got ready until it was gone. (It’s really satisfying to use a nice drippy candle for this, then you can peel off the wax drips and be like, That’s a little piece of body-hate, there it goes, goodbye.)
I REALLY like the idea of peeling off the bits of wax drips and being like BYE FELICIA. I’ve done candle magic before, but nothing like this. This idea really resonates with me.
I did a neat bit of kitchen magic the other day that really worked for me – I was making soup and as I was cutting up the onions, spontaneously decided that the onions were all the negative emotional crap that I had been holding onto, related to [specific bad times]. So, I retroactively lit some sage and a candle, chopped the FUCK out of those onions while thinking of [bad times], cried an onion-fumes cry and then caramelized them in the bottom of the pot. I whispered a little improvised poem of banishing, but that’s optional I think. Bad, painful tearjerking memories turned sweet and delicious, and then melded in with all the other delicious and nourishing things. It seems to have worked!
My last name is Loo, and only this morning did I realize we could’ve named one of our kids Booga, yet we didn’t.
i’ve made a huge mistake
This week in PEAK MOM:
This week my mom
1. informed me that Kylo Ren is in “that show The Girls!”
2. keeps asking me if I’m watching “How To Make A Murderer”
Hey! Oops I’m late to the thread but thank you to everyone who talked me down from a relationship panic last week! I posted a little follow up in the original thread but long story short, we talked, we’re good, yay. luv u Toasties <3 <3 <3
I am waiting at the vet with my cat. I had an appointment for her next week because she started scratching, but yesterday she scratched herself raw around her ears, so now we’re doing a walk-in. And it’s So. Busy. People keep walking in and going ‘wow, it’s usually quiet this time of day’. I’ve been here for over an hour and I’m not sure how much longer I have to wait.
Cats. Daisy’s lucky she’s so cute.
If anyone has any entertaining links, please hand them over. I forgot to bring a book or anything but my phone.
Well, Daisy and I made it out after 2 hours waiting in the waiting room and another 45 minutes waiting (and finally being seen) in the exam room. She hasn’t forgiven me for all that time in the carrier and the car yet but once the antibiotic and the steroid really kick in, she’ll be just grand and back to her usual meowing self. Whether she continues to be mad at me once she finds out I have to put this wash in her ears twice a day for the next two weeks remains to be seen.
Is there such a thing as kitty Benadryl? I had to take her to the vet a few months ago for the same scratching problem. The vet says it’s an allergy issue that causes her to itch and then the scratching just ends up in a vicious cycle; last time, it was kicked off by fleas, but we took care of that. This time it could be caused by the yeast infection in her ear (which I’d never heard was possible, but it certainly would make ME itchy) or maybe her food or maybe just the universe in general. So I figure if I could just short-circuit the scratching, it’d save us all a lot of time and money going to the vet.
I have a kitty who is prone to yeast infections in his ears too. I think maybe he builds up too much earwax or something. I just adopted him in August (and he’s the 7th cat I’ve had as an adult) and they discovered the yeast infection when I took him for his very first visit. They were surprised I had never cleaned a cat’s ears before, and I was surprised that cleaning cats’ ears is even a THING that owners do. But two rounds of meds and cleaning kicked it, and it hasn’t come back so far.
(Edit: Wrapping him in a towel like a burrito really helped while cleaning.)
I have had to give a cat regular old Benadryl! I forget why. As I said, I’ve had 7 cats (usually 4 at a time, not all in single succession). I only did it when my vet told me to.
Have to say, no one has ever said one thing to me about cleaning my cats’ ears. Ever. In fact, I can’t imagine any of the cats I’ve had letting me near their ears without a battle, so I’m sort of picturing all the employees at your vet’s office looking battle scarred.
I’m hoping very, very sincerely that this turns out to be a one-off affair. I’m not sure my arms can take more than two weeks of this – Daisy is an expert at wiggling out of kitty burritos and I live alone.
Yeah, I live alone too. I had to sit on the floor and wrap him in the towel like a cape and sit on the ends and use my legs and whole body to hold him in place. He’s pretty placid, but I have another kitty who is expert at escaping burritos and much more vicious about it. Maybe I should just designate a towel and cut a little hole in it for their heads next time I have to swaddle one of them. Like a cape at a salon.
I posted a request for pet models in my neighbourhood and got a bunch of people excited about getting pictures taken of their pets. But, now I’m freaking out. I just had my first session, and the dogs and people were lovely, but I was mistaken about the timing for good lighting, and I did not know how to handle three dogs at once, and now I’m looking at the photos and have to keep taking Two Dots/Toast comments breaks every time the self-loathing “why did I think I could do this?” gets too much. And, I have 3 cats to photograph (at once!) this afternoon… I know I always feel like this and then (so far) I’ve always gotten some good photos. Please tell me it’ll get easier?
Of course it will get easier. You are smart. You are observant. You are constantly learning. Your current clients are teaching you what works and what doesn’t, even if they don’t know it. Keep at it. I know you are working hard. Can you reassure me you are being gentle with yourself?
Thanks for your comment. I just got back from the cats, and that went much better. Luckily, the owner was not expecting photos of all 3 together. Hopefully, my feeling better lasts through processing the photos. I really appreciate your encouragement!
It’ll be two steps forward, one step back. But you’re going to get so good!
Toasties! How does one make friends?
I work full time with ppl about thirty years my senior (who are cool but we don’t have a lot in common) and have lost all of the friends I made in university years ago. I am lonely and don’t know where to begin, short of stealing all my partners friends which I don’t really want to do anymore.
Captain Awkward has great advice here: http://captainawkward.com/2011/12/19/question-153…
I met some awesome people at a toast meet up, maybe you can organise one in your area?
I was out with a new friend last night. She is 21 years my junior. We found interests in common when one of us invited the other to an event. It sounded fun to both of us. Ta-da! Common interest!
Schedule fun stuff for yourself, stuff you enjoy. Then invite someone to join you, if it sounds like fun to them. Be prepared for polite brush-offs and move on to invite someone else. Shampoo, rinse, repeat.
Worst case: you end up at these events alone. But then you are at an event of interest to you. And so are all those other people at that event. Make small talk with them. Pet their dogs. Compliment their children. Admire their jewelry.
I know your feels and I’m sorry. ::Toasthugs::
Yes, friendships across age differences are fun! Age barely even matters anymore once you’re out of university. Everyone is on equal footing. I made friends with a lady much older than me by asking our general group at work “Does anyone want to go see this play with me?” And she did! We became theater buddies, no longer going to the theater alone. (And non-theater buddies too, just general friends.)
Any other Xphile toasties here? I have to say that even if the rest of the 6 episode “event” is blah-to-terrible, it was worth it just to see another Darin Morgan-written episode.
The fact that the were-human’s name was Guy Mann still tickles me. I may have to rewatch.
I feel the exact same way. That episode was so good on a number of levels.
I hope that Dagoo shows up in future episodes and has better luck than his predecessor, Queequeg. Poor Queequeg.
Doesn’t start until Monday in the UK!
I am surprisingly happy with all of it so far. Even with its flaws, there’s a kind of “ah, here we are again–some things have changed–the world has changed–but Mulder and Scully abide.” I really hope they do some more than just this 6-episode season–I do kind of feel like it’s been a lot of getting back in the saddle, and now I want to see them actually ride!
Yeah, I have some…strong feelings about Carter’s writing skills. (Although some of his episodes in the original run were good so he’s ahead of George Lucas in that at least.)
My hope would be that they do some more and drive an enormous dump truck full of money up to Vince Gilligan’s house as a convincer.
I’m not sure how much of it is nostalgia blinders, but I think the chemistry between Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny is as lovely as ever which, to me, helps elevate the material. I also find the Mulder on antidepressants angle quite interesting because it’s actually sort of rare for a character to just have to take psychiatric drugs without it being a Thing.
I think Vince Gilligan just didn’t have the time to contribute, so hopefully it won’t take a truckload of money to get him involved next time.
I loved that episode so much! It reminded me a lot of the Millennium episode he wrote, which is one of my all-time favourite TV episodes (did anyone but me watch that show? Honestly, I loved it more than the X Files).
I watched parts of it (and definitely did watch Jose Chung’s Doomsday Defense because I wanted to see Jose Chung again). Haven’t seen the other Millennium episode he wrote, although I might dig it up because I’ve heard it’s quite good!
Maybe I should give Millennium another shot? I like Terry Quinn an awful lot, Lance Henrikson’s character was just kind of dour for me and what I saw didn’t seem to have the same levity as X-Files. Maybe I just bailed too early?
Toasts, I would appreciate your audio book recommendations for spring break!
I will be taking a road trip with my two teens and have been trying to come up with some titles that might be enjoyed by all. We all like sci fi, fantasy, action, adventure. They are not so much interested in re-reads of childhood favorites (so no Jim Dane does Harry Potter, alas) and he doesn’t care for romance. She’s not so fond of the Adams/Zelazny end of things. I think we could also get behind an exceptional memoir or biography, such as Unbroken, although not that title since we’ve already seen the movie.
I’ve considered Terry Pratchett’s catalogue, American Gods, and The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. I’m trying to get a robust list so that when I go into the library’s Overdrive system shortly before we leave I’m just checking for availability and not needing to assess whether a particular title will appeal.
Any and all recommendations welcome. As a final note, my son is 15 and my daughter is almost 14. They are probably not interested in listening to extended sex/romance scenes with their mom nor each other.
It’s an old one, but I am very fond of the audio book of John Grisham’s The Client. Given the age of your kiddos and the central character, maybe they’d connect?
If some swearing isn’t a problem, The Martian was a good audiobook.
Partner and I listened to The Martian on a road trip recently. We’d both already seen the movie, but the audiobook was much more enjoyable and it was really funny in a way that should be appreciated by both teens and adults. Some dry humor, some sarcastic, some puns, some stuff about pirates.
I remember enjoying John Scalzi’s Red Shirts on audiobook, although it did make a few of the writing flaws more apparent by hearing it aloud (there’s a lot of dialogue followed by ‘he said’ and it gets oddly repetitive). Nothing so bad as to make it unlistenable though.
All the Bruce Coville books that he has produced on tape are WONDERFUL, as well as anything else from Full Cast Audio. There is a version of the Golden Compass, Heinlein’s Have Space Suit, Will Travel, plus and also all the Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede. Also there is a lot of Tamora Pierce on tape/recorded, and those would fit right in?
night watch etc by Sergei Lukyanenko? The Rivers of London books by Ben Aaronovitch?
They’re not audiobooks, but the Doctor Who Big Finish audioplays are pretty great. Right now they’re all starring the classic era Doctors (although they recently announced a couple of Ten and Donna ones they’re working on!) but you don’t really have to have watched the classic era show to enjoy them.
Oh, and as a warning, American Gods has a pretty weird sex scene in it where a woman swallows a man whole with her vagina. That might be an awkward few minutes in the car with your kids.
Oh dude I forgot about that scene. Rethinking!!
Even if you don’t end up listening to this with your family, I would still recommend checking it out at some point! The full cast audio recording is really, really good.
All of Terry Pratchett on audiobook is delightful, and I haven’t listened to American Gods, but Anansi Boys is one of my all-time favorite audiobooks. I’m also partial to Patrick O’Brian – and sf/f fans tend to like him, I’ve noticed.
Prachett’s Tiffany Aching books are funny as hell as audio books, and form a delightful coherent narrative. Start with the Wee Free Men.
I’m a big fan of exploration and adventure on audio book. Lansing’s The Endurance, about Shackleton, is fantastic. I cried actual tears at the end even though I knew how it comes out.
I’m also a fan of Lois McMaster Bujold on audiobook. Start there with The Warrior’s Apprentice for maximum clarity and hijinks. (The first two books in the series, about Cordelia, are excellent but seem more like romance novels).
Year Zero by Rob Reid is a fun audiobook – similar humor to The Hitchhiker’s Guide but a more focused plot. John Hodgman reads and it is a delight.
Ditto the Pratchett catalogue–the narrators (mainly Nigel Planer and Steven Briggs) are really good at doing different voices for the different characters, which you really need to keep everyone straight!
Some favorites of mine:
Crocodile on the Sandbank by Elizabeth Peters (adult mystery but fun)
Lord of the Rings complete (sometimes I need to fast forward through long songs/ poems)
Foundling by DM Cornish (teen slightly dark fantasy, first in a series)
The Goblin Emperor (political elf fantasy, slow build teens might enjoy)
Isaac’s Storm by Erik Larson (true hurricame disaster)
The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (kids, Elizabethan-era fantasy)
Sherlock Holmes
Anything by Scott Westerfeld?
I don’t know if you’re familiar with Garth Nix’s Old Kingdom series (Sabriel, Lirael, Abhorsen, and Clariel), but there is an absolutely glorious set of recorded versions narrated by TIM GODDAMN CURRY, and they are some of the best audiobooks I have ever listened to.
(Also, for those not familiar with the books, let me pitch it quickly: Female protagonist. Necromancy. Talking animal sidekicks. Strong family relationships. Magic controlled by music. Badass librarians.)
If radio plays are also an option, I highly recommend Cabin Pressure. It’s very funny, and stars (amongst other awesome people) Benedict Cumberbatch. No sex scenes, some romance but more in a funny/embarrassing kind of way.
hey y’alls — so much gratitude for all your support and advice last week. I got the apartment, I grabbed a bunch of stuff in a carshare on Sunday and have been sleeping there since. Honestly feel like I am not going to fall to pieces. Friendship still basically in tatters (ha ha! took day off on Weds to pack and leave check for next two months rent, only to discover he had not even bothered to wait to try and give it to the landlord, not that he has ever taken initative before!) but what can one do? Thanks for giving me some good real talk. Honestly, I super needed it.
++++++++++++++++++++++
I started listening to My Brilliant Friend on audiobook today, and it is coinciding very weirdly with my Bob’s Burgers phase. Whatever stories she tells about Lila, I have this very definite image of Louise Belcher in my head. My brain has not only noted the similarities, it has decided they’re the same person – so Lila is fierce with bunny ears.
In light of the first-page gif post of Natalie Dormer domming the heck outta Captain America, I feel this is a very relevant thing to share. It has recently come to my attention that, despite heavy demisexual leanings, I have a very specific fantasy type: clean-cut witty boyscouts who I could just WRECK and they’d be totally into it. A guy who is secure in himself and has a huge appreciation for strong women is so freakin hot.
Not just me, is it?
Anyway, if anyone has further gif or fanfic recommendations supportive of this interest, I would be absolutely thrilled. Steve Rogers getting dommed by Peggy Carter, or Darcy, or Pepper Potts, etc. Earnest puppy Luke Skywalker losing his virginity to Mara Jade! Obi-wan Kenobi getting srsly tempted to go against the Jedi Code by some sexy badass girl (Jedi, Sith, Padme, anyone, I don’t care! Obi-wan just DOES it for me, ok?). Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth (WRECK that pride, Lizzy, you’re in charge now!). Queen Elizabeth the First and every man ever and she doesn’t even have to sleep with them to do it! Even Khal Drogo and Danerys like they were in the books (CONSENT, people!) And okay, Drogo’s not exactly a boyscout but he let Dany be so freaking strong!
Come on…is it really just me? 🙁
OH, no no, it is not just you! I don’t have any recs, but I will be sitting over there, cackling with anticipatory glee 😀
It is not just you.
I particularly like to watch the first two minutes of the Princess Bride and then pretend that the film continues with Buttercup just tormenting and ordering Westley around for the next couple of hours: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbX1U1tx9aw
This is genius!
Definitely not just you. And here is fic, if I can get the link to work! Captain America/Sif, by Copperbadge.
I LIKE THIS! ANOTHER!!!!!!!
Just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my break-up thread last week, I really appreciated it. Things are..ok, now. I did have to see him again, because we live together, but I’m moving out tomorrow into a cute duplex. I’m sad, but it also feels like a huge weight off my shoulders.
This week has been tough, he’s alternately angry and vaguely passive aggressive, or watching me pack with huge sad puppy dog eyes. And then I feel shitty because he’s sad, and then even shittier because I’m not as sad as he is. I hope eventually he’ll stop feeling sad, but right now I am really look forward to moving out.
He’ll stop feeling sad, don’t worry about him. He can look after himself. You look after yourself. Happy new homecoming at the cute duplex!
I hope it isn’t too late to jump on here and get some advice!
I had shingles (or so my and my doctors all think– all shingles symptoms, just no blistering rash) about six months ago, and have been in terrible pain ever since. It’s in one side of my neck and into my shoulder. I am in pain all the time that I would rank at like a 6, I guess, and going about my business since it doesn’t impede my motion in any way, but it’s been exhausting to the point I’ve just broken down and cried a few times.
I’ve tried everything they can prescribe, and also acupuncture and chiropractic, and I’ve had no relief. I have an appointment with pain management set up, but it’s over a month away.
What can I do to make this better and less grueling?
I’m so sorry to hear about your pain. You might try a second/more skilled acupuncturist and go for several sessions, not just one — that is just the sort of symptoms they ought to be able to clear up. :/
Also anything that is numbing (numbing creams, lidocaine etc) will help at least temporarily if you need a break form the pain. Or warm baths, either full baths or warm foot baths. Also capsaicin cream can help (capsaicin burns it out, forcing the nerve to regenerate — counterintuitive but can work if you can stand it). It sounds like you have nerve damage from the shingles that will take a while to heal, but will heal.
Can I ask how old you are, just from curiosity/as a data point? Getting shingles is one of my big fears. In my family we tend to have very bad reactions to it – my tips for you on this come from them! I’ve been trying to get the vaccine for a while now but it is hard to convince doctors even though I’m willing to pay, because I’m under 65.
I’m only 33! Everyone was like, “Shingles is for OLD people.” Evidently not. Ned Ryerson in Groundhog Day references having had it in high school, so there. Even in 1993, folks knew that it isn’t an old person problem.
Anyhow, yes, lidocaine has been moderately helpful, and heat feels great, for as long as it’s directly on the area, which isn’t really sustainable (can’t really walk around with a heating pad glued to my neck all the time). I’ve been seeing both the acupunturist and the chiropractor for about two months, weekly, but I know it could take more time.
I tried the capsaicin once, but it was terrifying and now I’m afraid to use it again!
I also had it in my 30’s, and about 3 visits with my wonderful acupuncturist did wonders. Also, have you gone to a massotherapist? Both are the sort of thing where the furst one you try might not be the right one for you. But I definitely recommend multiple trips for acupuncture, just one did not do it.
Can you use those sticky-on heating pads and maybe wear a decorative scarf or something? This sounds truly miserable. My friend had shingles a couple years ago, in his mid-30s, so it’s definitely not just for older people, and it definitely sucks.
Unfortunately that exhausts the remedies my various relatives have tried… but they *did* feel better with time, if that helps.
I hope that maybe the acupuncture starts kicking in better, too. There are different schools of acupuncture — maybe it would be worth trying a different practitioner who might have a slightly different approach?
what bad luck, 33! Sending you lots of sympathy. I am also totally inspired to redouble my efforts to get the vaccine; thank you. (Late thirties over here, had chicken pox twice even though it’s not supposed to be possible, definitely not wanting to mess around with shingles).
This is probably a silly question as you’ve already mentioned you’ve tried everything your doctors have prescribed, but have they given you amitriptyline? I’m not sure how shingles treatment works in the US, but low doses of this are fairly standard medication for severe shingles pain here in the UK. It’s an anti-depressant that works on nerve pain. It was the only thing I found that helped when I had shingles last year, and I had it on my face so it was absolutely unbearable.
I hope you find something that helps – shingles is really awful and I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. x
Toasties.
TOASTIES.
I am in my last semester of grad school classes which is great but also OH MY GODding all over the place because Humanities degree and also I need to apply to PhD programs but then I start thinking about loans and applications and writing my thesis and I want to vomit all over the plaaaaace.
I just want to watch Miss Fisher and eat gummi wooooorms!
(…In cool news, I had a very racous and awesome dinner with my mentor, and I will be TA-ing for his “Shakespeare and Philosophy” course this summer, AND he encouraged me to apply to the PhD program of my dreams–it was a much-needed boost to the last semester grumps.)
I am a recent PhD and fully endorse everything here: watch Miss Fisher, eat those gummy worms, vomit wherever and whenever you feel the need (though not in an eating-disordery way, I hope! I myself am a serious nervous puker) and then eat more gummy worms until you feel safe and comfy and calm again. Because you did the one grad school already, YOU GOT THIS and you can do the PhD, and Humanities NEEDS you, screw society and STEM-preferences and the job market, you do what you love, damnit!
Guys I applied for a jooooooooooob. It’s a grown-up job with a salary and benefits and a desk AND one of my advisers would be my boss so it totally wouldn’t interfere with finishing my doctorate AND it would be a steady income without commuting or trying to cobble together adjunct work. Think happy thoughts for me please!
Okay this is very late for Open Threading, but I just got back from seeing Hail Caesar, and oh man, CHANNING TATERSSSS SINGING AND TAP DANCING ON TABLES
There is not THAT much of him in the movie but what there is is truly glorious.
I tried to go today but the movie times were wrong! I’m so excited to see this movie. The costumes! The sets! Aaaaaaahh!
I wanted to see that one, but I’m scared of random graphic violence?
+1 and I have recently watched burn after reading and it was such a nice film until the sudden surprise axe murder stuff, and we also saw Inside Llewyn Davis and it was such a depressed film. Now I’m not sure I want to watch any more Cohen Brothers things for a while?
Would you recommend Hail Caesar for senstive special snowflake type people?
I don’t think there was anything that graphic, which is surprising from the Coens! There are (SPOILERS) two scenes when Josh Brolin strikes someone across the face a few times (one scene a woman, the other a man), and a scene where a character gets accidentally choked but survives. No gore or death.
Hey! I’m late again!
Y’all know I’m reducing my drinking, but this new infographic from the CDC is rediculous! I should stop drinking because I’m fertile and of child-bearing age? Not because it’s healthier, in general, but because I could become spontaneously pregnant, even though my husband had a vasectomy. You know how women are, always falling pregnant, magic-like.
That burnout article from a couple of weeks ago hit me in a sore spot. I’m not doing my best, mental health-wise. It’s sunk in that I’m probably never going to live in Australia again, the only place I felt at home, and I need hugs if you have them.
Sending you the softest, kindest hugs. Hope things get a bit easier for you.
💚💙 thank you
I’ve never been to Australia, but some part of my brain is convinced that it has excellent home qualities.
Oh, I’m sorry. I’m in Australia because that is the country I come from, but for me the country which is home is Japan, and is currently a long way away, both in distance and in mental-health-before-I’m-well-enough-to-live-there-again…ness, so, well, I dunno. I wish we could all live where we belong.
That would be lovely! 🙂 You're all so kind!
Exciting, that's four Toasties, (plus grapefruitlife as our German correspondent)! Good number for a low-key pub/cafe meet-up I think? Do y'all want to drop me a line at my gmail, which is meginj, to make arrangements? Unless there's a better way to arrange logistics of this public forum? (I don't know! First time I'm arranging such a thing.)
12 hours late but here goes…
Hugh Jackman is my peak celebrity moment. When he toured The Boy From Oz here I was working for the Australian Girls Choir (former choir girl here!) who sang in the show doing I Still Call Australia Home.
So one day (when I wasn't actually working) I went to see the matinee with my Mum and Hugh was going to go backstage to meet the girls and take a photo with them between shows that day, and since I had my staff backstage pass on me, I got to go back and meet him too! He had obviously come straight from the shower and I can confirm he looks GOOD in track pants! He was lovely and so nice to the girls, and nodded to us staff and said hi, and that's my encounter!
Still not totally sure about what language it's going to be in tbh – normally I'd write in German (my English is good but not perfect), but if I wrote in English, I'd have a much bigger potential readership and it might be easier to find an affordable publisher…
Ah well…
I’m ridiculously late but fuck it, I’ve missed the last few threads and I can’t sleep.
I’m going to see Jenny Lewis today! I am super excited. The last time I saw her solo was the first Rabbit Fur Coat tour and the last time I saw Rilo Kiley I was a wee little baby of 23 and it’s going to be lovely and I’m so happy. Had a bit of a panic attack at the end of my drive but I’m trying not to let it psych me out.
Also this week I sold *two* stories. I’m well aware that this will probably mean dozens of rejections for the next few months but seriously, two stories in two days, that has never ever happened to me. Still kind of dancing on a cloud with this one.
Yay! Please continue to kick ass and take names!
I’m late too, but that’s ok because I’m kind of shy. But, we’re having a local Toast meetup soon, which means we’ve been having lots of emails to coordinate times and places, and since I had nothing important to contribute to the conversation, I started replying with “Hey Ladies” style emails.
The end. (Excited to meet y’all, triangle Toasts! #SOPU2016!!!!!! )
Hi! Um, I have a question – I’ve been lurking in the comment sections for a few months and would like to join in, but I am not sure how this works. Is there a procedure I need to follow? Do I submit an application? How does one become a Toastie? Thanks!
(Mods: sorry, my wordpress account was acting up and posting under another name. Not spamming, so sorry!)
simply put: you just do.
i don't know if i'd go so far as to say they're extreme, but the breed does have its fans, and i've definitely gotten a soft spot for them. the thing is, though, some of them are very active, and in my experience, some have tended to have dense, muscular bodies, so i was careful to adopt to people i knew would play with them and give them a climbing tree. when you see cats that are exceptionally athletic, you want to give them what they need. are yours fluffy or long & lean shorthairs?
that's not to say i prefer them above others, but they have an affable social manner that works well with humans. mine chirp and trill as they go about their business around the house, they do a lot of athletic jumping after toys. one of mine is a spaz goof who is always friendly to new cats, the other is graceful, jumpy and very cuddly, and just learned to fetch. or rather, she showed me that she'd bring me a toy if i throw it for her. i also have a mother & daughter [mom is not siamese] and they are so freakin adorable together. your mom cat is probably still pretty young and kitten-like, so they will make a nice pair, cuddle together, groom each other, etc.
one of the litters i rescued was half siamese, but you couldn't tell because they got outward tabby coloring from their mom, and since there were multiple fathers, i didn't actually know what-all the other half of them were if they didn't have behavioral traits. but one couple with allergies adopted a tabby male and said they think he's siamese because he sleeps with them and they are not bothered by him. i have no idea how this whole siamese / allergy thing works, but it got their vote.
if you haven't done it yet, just know that sometimes you can have negotiating power. i imagine they're tighter on it now, post-2008, but back when i was in debt and balance transfer cards were kind of a new thing, you could call them up and tell them what you would transfer if they waived the transfer fee, and sometimes they would. worth a shot!
Ask a Clean Person is inspiring me to actually clean my apartment, it's basically a miracle.
I love listening to it while I'm doing chores! It feels somehow DOUBLE PRODUCTIVE. Also I credit Jolie for helping me get my security deposit back on my last apartment.
Is there a Toast or Hairpin Facebook group west coast edition?