Reasons Why I Am Totally Fine And Not Freaked Out To Be A Slytherin -The Toast

Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

  1. Slytherins definitely have the best music taste.
  2. I am extremely loyal but not blindly so. I will do anything to protect my friends once they’ve earned my trust and it takes a lot for them to break it, but once that line is crossed it is scorched fucking earth and I do not see a problem with that.
  3. Not all Slytherins are wizard Nazis.
  4. There’s nothing wrong with being judicious, and maybe edging on shrewd, about your time and energy. I’m a busy woman and can’t be wasting time on relationships that aren’t at least mutually emotionally fulfilling. 
  5. Slytherins are really smart but aren’t showoffs about it (looking at you, Ravenclaw).
  6. Snakes are rad.
  7. I just watched Magic Mike XXL again and Rome totally seems like she’d be a Slytherin.
  8. Labels are meaningless. You can’t see borders from space, man.
  9. Slytherins have to have the best sex. They have to. Badgers just don’t have good sex.
  10. Merlin himself was a Slytherin! Merlin!
  11. I strive to be very kind and I’m probably more of a Slytherpuff but Pottermore just doesn’t know me like that so it should quit judging me so quickly, you know?
  12. Yes I know the Sorting Hat lets you choose but honestly I’d take Slytherin over hanging with the jocks over in Gryffindor.
  13. People who have the ability to do magic are objectively better than those who can’t. That’s just a fact. I don’t understand why that’s a problem.
  14. It’s fine. I’m fine.
  15. I’m probably not a good Slytherin because if I were I’d be better at hiding my feelings.
  16. “Slytherins tend to hesitate before acting, so as to weigh all possible outcomes before deciding exactly what should be done.” Oh yup, yup yup yup.
  17. Okay so I’m a mediocre Slytherin who is very resourceful and ambitious but doesn’t let that get in the way of friendship.
  18. Once again, who cares, I can do magic.
Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again