PBS Is Asking Questions About Ronbledore

by Mallory Ortberg · November 19, 2015

Well, I guess…I guess it’s time to call it. PBS – the Public Broadcasting Service – just filmed a video investigating Ronbledore.

Is Ron Dumbledore?

I don’t need to watch it. I know my truth. But the people – the people are causing change.

Thanks to Connor for watching the skies.

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.


61 Comments

  3. saraallain +258

    Gaahhhhhhh this is the best.

    Apropos of nothing, because I know this is a thread dedicated to Ronbledore and NOTHING ELSE, for which I apologize in advance, this also came across my screen today:

    4. chiaroscuromom +62

      Is it OK to note that Dan looks like a muppet when he’s wearing a beard? Like, for reals.

        1. swords-and-spindles +13

          I think it’s slightly unnerving that he and the others DON’T look like 12 anymore. It’s like time is passing around us, or something.

      2. saraallain +58

        As long as it’s OK to note that Muppets can be pretty good-looking with beards, then yes. Where do we stand on Muppet attractiveness here at the Toast?

          1. Period_eye +6

            There is an English football manager whose name I can’t remember who both totally resembles Sam the Eagle AND is totally bang-able.

        2. daisymerolling +22

          Scooter’s always been bae.
          But that’s a Low Self Esteem crush if Ive ever heard one.

        3. aqueousmedium +70

          Going on a double date with Helen Mirren, Statler, and Waldorf would be the best night of No Fucks Given ever.

      1. phoebeblue +3

        We watched the first two eps Wed night, and I would’ve loved it except we had just had a “Meatza” Pizza and I nearly barfed when the little girl accident happened. Seriously, got all woozy.

  5. keristars +128

    I can’t watch because what if they get it ALL WRONG and don’t acknowledge basic tenets of this truth, such as handedness and sexuality changing with time travel, my heart would be shattered.

    (I’ll be honest: it has become such a basic part of my understanding of time travel that if I were to ever write a story or make an illustration involving time travel, I would have to include the change to handedness and sexuality, because otherwise it would be WRONG.)

    1. Chloe +45

      The video is pretty terrible – I couldn’t finish. The video man doesn’t understand how the timeline would work or how he would be able to time travel, to which I say, “Hello, little video man, read The Once and Future King!” Also, he acts like this is a reaaaally bizarre theory but *we* know it’s canon. Ronbledore is Truth.

  7. chiaroscuromom +13

    You folks might want to start offering higher wages to your photoshop monkeys? Just a thought?

      1. chiaroscuromom +8

        I just blundered in here and shared my opinion on something that wasn’t my jam like a big mansplainy jerk, didn’t I? I am very embarrassed. More importantly, I am so, so sorry to have hurt your feelings while I was making an ass of myself.

  8. Absotively +83

    So I watched the video, and in addition to confirming that Ron is definitely Dumbledore, it featured a screenshot of a tweet from Rowling stating “I’ve never seen that one before. Draco definitely isn’t a werewolf (and Snape’s not a vampire).”

    Which of course confirms that Draco is a vampire and Snape is a werewolf. Though I’m not sure that we really needed confirmation, both those things seem pretty obvious.

  9. crawlkill +11

    I saw this last night and then watched like eight Idea Channel videos, that guy’s a charmer

    …actually I got there from that same tweet from @keepthemuse

  11. ppyajunebug +40

    I need to break out my Ronbledore shirt again.

    Can that be one of the new tote bags? I want to spread the gospel about the truth of Ronbledore to everyone.

    2. bibliobotic +33

      I would pay actual cash money given to me by my employer as compensation for labor by my two hands to own a Ronbledore tote bag.

  12. sausagedog +61

    *pounds fist on table* death of the author death of the author DEATH OF THE AUTHOR

    (In all seriousness, this video was pretty good, very thorough and well reasoned. Aside from missing the obvious truth that is Ronbledore.)

  14. Rebecca +25

    This guy speaks so much like John and Hank Green – is this the new “explaining things on YouTube” voice?

    3. Lady_Honoria +16

      In my experience that’s always been the voice used by ‘vj’s on kid’s educational tv shows that no one ever watched except me because I wasn’t allowed to watch commercial television *sobs*

  15. Claudia +13

    OK, OK, OK. I made it about 5 minutes in. Which, I mean, I’m pretty proud of myself actually.

    I have a weird, nit-picky thing to add. “False theory.” I have never heard anyone, scientifically speaking, actually use the word “false” to describe “theory.” (I’m getting some weird internet-y mojo going!) Theories can be proved to be not true, I guess? Or rather, it can be said that there is no evidence to support a theory. Can they be proved to be false? Does anyone else smell something fishy here? There is a difference, though, right? False is not the same as untrue? I had a random idea and I’m sticking with it.

    I feel like I’ve thought about Ronbldore a lot now and it’s kinda weird. Maybe it’s my age, but I do not understand so much about the last 3 HP books and honestly do not give an f, and my kids are reading and watching and I have so many questions, but again, do not give an actual f. I’m in a weird HP place is what I’m saying.

    Long live Ronbledore, though.

    1. jimmyjimjimjim +11

      No no, my brain totally got caught on the phrase false theory too. Wrong, discredited, “that was later proven false” yes, “false theory” no.

      I guess it’s when an explanation shows up and pretends to be a theory and orders people around for a while but in the third act we discover that there’s no explanitory power on the drivers license and it was a sham all along?
      …
      Oh Intelligent Design!
      I’ve just made a semi elaborate comparison between an awkward turn of phrase and a common sitcom plot and out pops an ID insult, yay me.

    2. Lady_Honoria +12

      Yes, a theory is neither true nor false. It is.

      The truth of the theory can be true or false, proven or disproven or unprovable. But the theory is only itself.

    3. femaelstrom +19

      There’s a reason for wording it “false theory,” as Mallory explained in her tweets. As she said:

      “You fools! Can you not see that “FALSE THEORY” is an anagram for “SAFELY OTHER”? Always she speaks in riddles.” https://twitter.com/mallelis/status/6499717052432…

      (Also “What else is FALSE THEORY an anagram for? ASHORE, LEFTY. She is SIGNALLING to a left-handed Ronbledore that it is safe to come out!”)

  16. ashurredly +35

    It’s happening. You know They’re worried when They try to debunk something. RONBLEDORE IS REAL and definitely staged the moon landing.

  17. Adam8174 +9

    What’s the opposite of worlds colliding? I assumed everyone here would be watching Idea Channel already :/ Mike is one of my Millennial All-Stars, along with Mallory and Ezra Klein :3

  19. fcjaugusta +6

    Watching this video, was anyone else kind of fascinated by the influence Jay Smooth has had on vlog delivery style?

  20. lauraoosterbeek +24

    Surely if Dumbledore is actually Ron, then McGonagall is Hermione: Hermione is the best at magic, it is easy for Hermione to use a timeturner because she has done it before, both think Trelawney is a fraud, Hermione knows everything (the excuse “I read it in a book” is just too handy), Hermione is a sucker for the rules, and, lest we forget, both sat with the sorting hat on their heads as they waited for it to decide between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, ultimately deciding on Gryffindor.