GRANT PROPOSAL: I Would Like To Study The Effects Of Extreme Chill On My Body -The Toast

Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

The state of being chill is one of the most powerful and useful ways for a body to avoid experiencing stress, yet very few humans are capable of entering such a state for an extended period of time. Thus, the effects of extreme chill on the body are largely unknown to us. I propose to develop a set of guidelines on how to perform maximum chill on the human body. I would like to apply for a $100,000 grant to research the effects of extreme chill on the human body, namely mine. This grant will allow me to develop and sustain a chill environment, and acquire the proper observational tools to record my findings over a six month period.

Aim 1: De-stress the home

Challenge: Many things in my apartment cause me personal stress, such as the noise the Roomba makes, or access to the internet. However, doing things about them also cause me stress.

Approach: By hiring a part-time assistant to silently clean our home, field all emails from concerned editors wondering where my assignments are, and call up RCN and fight about disconnecting our cable and internet service, I will create an environment in which a large amount of relaxation can occur.

Impact: This environment will facilitate my experience of chill.

Aim 2: Handle personal and professional relationships

Challenge: People expect things from me and this also causes me personal stress.

Approach: By disconnecting my phone and internet service, my friends and family will no longer be able to make me feel guilty by saying things like “wow, you’re so busy!!” when I tell them I don’t have time to get together this week. Similarly, the grant will cover my bills, so freelancing will no longer be necessary.

Impact: Observing these relationship changes will help determine if relationships are even necessary when all your bills are paid for.

Aim 3: Enhance chill

Challenge: To discover the optimal environment for extreme chill.

Approach: The approach to this challenge will be multi-faceted, as the needs of a completely chill environment are many. We will need to somehow get rid of rain and clouds but also ensure the safety of our forests, as overcast days and the fear we are killing our planet are two of my biggest sources of stress. We will need to completely dismantle the kyriarchy so I am never again made to feel lesser for various points of my identity. We will need to find a permanent cure for lactose intolerance so my tastebuds can determine how much cheese I can eat, not my stomach enzymes.

Impact: I will personally be very relaxed and in turn I assume that will make others more chill.

In addition to my personal observations, this research will provide the larger community with an open-source toolbox of methods to achieve extreme chill. Any leftover funds will be used to buy me a pink jacuzzi.

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again