Previously by Liz Anderson: The Timid Anarchist’s Poetry Book
Come with me, my darling!
I shall take you to places you’ve never been!
You will be
SO
VERY
ANXIOUS
Something tells me
He may not be ready
For casual dating
Tamara
His orientation is listed as
“The River What Took My Son”
Every joyful person is a
personal
offense
to
me!
Interests:
Obfuscation
Paradigm shifting
Ponderous arguments
Travel! 😀 😀 😀
New Message!
Ah!
Sent at 1AM
Ah?
From “JohnGalt196”
Ah.
“Have you ever worn heels and stomped on –”
AHHHHH
I’m looking for a “Robin Hood” type
You know
Hates monarchy
Lives in a forest
Is literally a fox
You know
That type
I delight in affairs hosted by your friends,
My Dear Angelo!
This will be a night we shall never forget!
Unrelated —
What is the appropriate attire for
An evening of
Hiding in the bathroom
For an hour and a
Half?
How I long to feel the warmth of thy embrace
Enmeshed with mine!
Yea, but hold! Let us extinguish this candle first
For verily
The human body is terrifying
And sex is,
At best,
Very gross
A big fat cat upon the hill
I will grab it for you
That is how much I love you
Don’t think about it too much
I’m gonna do it
Stop asking questions
I’m gonna do it
Because I love you
I’m gonna steal that cat
I’m gonna do it
I’m gonna
Looks like someone
Hitched a ride on the
Succu-Bus
Honk Honk!
Welcome to the beer garden.
What do we grow here?
Much fauna, bearing fruits of:
Bottom-heavy men
Problematic opinions
Probably nachos
Don’t mistake me!
I quite enjoy being invited to your
Board
Game
Nights
It is good that we can admit to ourselves
At the top
That we are poor at
Conversation
If you were to measure my love life in
Inappropriate literary comparisons
Call me Giles Corey
‘Cause I am crushing it
I, like the British, enjoy describing pleasant things with
Unpleasant adjectives
Such as
Terribly fun
Wickedly smart
And
Lovecraftianly horny
Happy Christmas Party,
My dear office staff!
In case my open-backed set of onesie pajamas was not a proper indication
I am indeed
Single
And Ready
To Jingle
“Lovecraftianly horny” is the secret subtitle of every dissertation
brb, finding some way to incorporate “single and ready to jingle” into a bio.
<3 all of this. ALL OF IT.
“Lovecraftianly horny” just became my new go-to phrase for that state after the second absinthe.
This is marvelous.
Looks like someone
Hitched a ride on the
Succu-Bus
Honk Honk!
Cackling. Thanks for my new go-to pick-up line, which has abruptly supplanted my long-time favourite “If I were an enzyme I’d be DNA helicase, so I could UNZIP YO GENES” (heyyy-o)
I have a shirt from the biology club at my undergrad that says “unzip your genes and replicate” on the back. I still love that shirt.
The big fat cat thing would totally work on me, and I would not ask many questions at all.
I love all of this!
Inappropriate literary (well, more historical) comparison pickup lines for life.
“Are you Henry VIII? ‘Cause I lose my head around you!”
this is spectacular
Because I love you
I’m gonna steal that cat
I’m gonna do it
I’m gonna
oh wow you wrote the fourth poem I ever liked in my life. this is a pretty big deal
How apt this is in my life is … well, great, I guess? UGH RL.
SO
VERY
ANXIOUS
The human body is terrifying
And sex is,
At best,
Very gross
……….yep yep this is extremely true
I laughed way too hard at “call me Giles Corey”.
Me at my desk just now: “Haaaaaah! Cuz they crushed him! With rocks! Til he died!”
Anyways, this whole thing was delightful and I loved all of it.
This is the best! I just got on online dating (mostly so my mom thinks I’m trying not to be a spinster), so this makes me incredibly happy. And now I may have to steal the Robin Hood bit.
This is brilliant, every bit of it.
This is the poem that “Prufrock” should have been. THANK YOU.
But I can’t fit all of these on my tinder profile 🙁
I love all of this so so so so much. It is undeniably brilliant. Can’t pick out a favorite, but if I did, it would be a tie between succu-bus and Lovecraftianly horny.
‘Every joyful person is a
personal
offense
to
me’.
This poetry is hilarious!!