Previously: Who’s the Saddest Girl?

As the Saddest Girl is to singer-songwriters, so is the Different Girl to rockists and pop stars. Other girls are as alike as sands in the hourglass, but not she. She is like the bald eagle wearing a steel crown circling high above the prison fortress the hourglass is trapped in.

It’s hard to say what exactly makes her different, but rest assured that she is very much so. Whether in kind or in degree, she is set apart. Whatever the other girls are doing–whether it be investing in rental properties or attending business conferences–she does the opposite. She kicks rocks with steel-toed boots and uses the resultant dust for nail polish.

To not be different would kill her. Whatever the other girls do, she must do its unlike. Not its opposite, for then she would be allowing those other girls to dictate the terms of her difference. But better, and stranger, and operating on a higher frequency.

Like I said, she’s different. But who is the most different of all the Different Girls, and what sets her apart?

Song: “Not Like the Other Girls”
Band: The Rasmus
Who Isn’t She Like?: “She’s not like the other girls I know.”
Spell It Out for Us: “She’s not like the other girls/ She lives in the clouds/ She talks to the birds.”
How Different Is That, Really?: Very different. The majority of girls live in Vermont, or in apartments, and speak primarily to math teachers and small dogs.

Song: “Not Like Other Girls“
Band: S.O.A.P.
Who Isn’t She Like?: “I am not like other girls.”
Spell It Out for Us: “I don’t breathe for Sundays.”
How Different Is That, Really?: Difficult to parse. She’s certainly more inscrutable than other girls, breathing as they may or may not be for only one day of the week, which has to count for something.

Song: “The Girl Got Hot“
Band: Weezer
Who Isn’t She Like?: “The other girls in town.”
Spell It Out for Us: “She got hot/ And they did not/ Satin tights, boots so white/ Leather handbag, out of sight/ An eagle feather in her feathered hair/ Dash of rouge, buyer beware.” 
How Different Is That, Really?: Not particularly. Leather handbags, blush, and white boots are fairly common, although harming an eagle is a federal offense.

Song: “Scarlet Begonias”
Band: The Grateful Dead (or Sublime, depending on your frame of reference)
Who Isn’t She Like?: “I knew right away she was not like other girls.”
Spell It Out for Us: “She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes/ And I knew without asking she was into the blues/ She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls.”
How Different Is That, Really?: Her difference is conditional. While plenty of other girls enjoy jewelry and flowers in equal measure, her ability to assure the narrator her preference for blues music without speaking suggests that she may possess rudimentary telepathic abilities.

Song: “Give Your Heart A Break”
Band: Demi Lovato
Who Isn’t She Like?: “When will you realize/ Baby, I’m not like the rest?”
Spell It Out for Us: “Baby, I can ease the ache, the ache.”
How Different Is That, Really?: Very little. While the number of male nurses in the U.S. has tripled since the 1970s, women still overwhelmingly dominate the profession, and often act as unofficial caregivers to injured or aging family members.

Song: “Are You Happy Now?”
Band: Megan & Liz
Who Isn’t She Like?: “She’s not like other girls.”
Spell It Out for Us: “She stood out in the crowd, was a little too loud/ But that’s why we love her/ She’s not like other girls/ She could have conquered the world/ Until you broke her down”
How Different Is That, Really?: Dependent upon several factors. Being only a little too loud suggests she is no louder than at least 40% of the total girl population; however, her potential to bring the world’s armies to their knees is compelling. Since she has been broken down, this claim is specious and can never be proven.

Song: “The Night Will Go As Follows”
Band: The Spill Canvas
Who Isn’t She Like?: “And to be completely honest/ You’re not like all the rest.”
Spell It Out for Us: UNKNOWN
How Different Is That, Really?: The narrator lays claim to honesty but gives no details as to what makes this girl different. Too close to call.

Song: “Different Kind of Girl”
Band: Phil Collins
Who Isn’t She Like?: “She’s a different kind of girl.”
Spell It Out for Us: “Does what she wants to do/ And says what she wants to say.”
How Different Is That, Really?: Not at all. Most women who are not sociopaths or being compelled by a warlock do the same.

Song: “She’s Long Gone”
Band: The Black Keys
Who Isn’t She Like?: “She’s not made like those other girls.”
Spell It Out for Us: “Well, her eyes, they’re rubies and pearls.”
How Different Is That, Really?: Tremendously. Very few girls have jeweled eyes.

Song: “Give Me All Your Luvin’”
Band: Madonna
Who Isn’t She Like?: “Cause I’m a different kind of girl.”
Spell It Out for Us: “Every record sounds the same / You’ve got to step into my world.”
How Different Is That, Really?: She is Madonna; she has achieved difference. This allows her to remain a girl despite being in her 50s.

Song: “Stupid Girls”
Band: Pink
Who Isn’t She Like?: “I don’t wanna be a stupid girl/ Baby, if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back/ Push up my bra like that, I don’t wanna be a stupid girl.”
Spell It Out for Us: “Disasters all around/ World despaired/ Your only concern/ Will it fuck up my hair?”
How Different Is That, Really?: Enormously. Pink must be immediately rescued from this planning facing impending doom, where all of her compatriots cannot be bothered to stop pushing around their bras to save their own civilization.

Song: “Don’t Tell Me”
Band: Avril Lavigne
Who Isn’t She Like?: “Did I not tell you that I’m not like that girl?”
Spell It Out for Us: “Did I not tell you that I’m not like that girl?/ The one who gives it all away?”
How Different Is That, Really?: She is only different from “the one” girl who has given it all away. No mention is made of other girls. The Different Girl must be unlike all or at least most of the others. Being different from one other girl is insufficient.

Winner: The Rasmus. While their girl might not have eyes of topaz and quartz, she is capable both of flight and of talking to animals, which even St. Francis of Assisi could not do. She is a living miracle and must be treated as such.