Previous entries in the series can be found here.
Sarah, darling!
Got your note
oh lovely
couldn’t possibly make it over for the christening
as I’m simply swamped at the moment
(you may recall I was left at the altar
and have spent the intervening years reeling from the betrayal)
yes I remember
Wish terribly I could make it
but you know how it is
being jilted
Well
we’ll set out a piece of cake for you just in case
Please don’t worry about me
I’m surrounded by the ruins of an aching, hopeless love that’s slowly congealing into poison
so I’m keeping busy
much love to the baby
thank you
if it’s a boy I hope you drown it
Pip
Pip what are you doing right now
I’m at work
what’s up
did you know that my name would have been Mrs. Compeyson
if I’d married my fiancé Mr. Compeyson
really
but I never did marry him
right
because as you recall
I was abandoned on my wedding day
by my fiancé
(Mr. Compeyson)
and have never never never recovered
but I’m just thrilled to hear that you’re doing so well
just Havisham will do for now
unless he comes back
is there anything in particular you need from me right now?
all men are dogs Pip
okay
write that down
I will
really write it down though
are you writing it down?
yes
I think you’re just saying you’re writing it down
no I wrote it down
Estella what are you doing tonight
do you want to come over and look at wedding photos
I don’t think I can
that’s okay
I never had wedding photos anyway
because I never got to have a wedding
I don’t know if I ever told you that
I never want to see another save the date evite again
oh my godddd
Has she been texting you too?
YES
or like
I think yes
because I keep getting pictures of wedding dresses from a blocked number
[Image via Wikimedia Commons]
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Tags: charles dickens, great expectations, miss havisham, nobody likes a martyr, texts from
Inevitable.
OK THIS is my favorite.
much love to the baby
thank you
if it’s a boy I hope you drown it
<3 u mallory
right there was when I snarfed my water.
All of these sound perfect in the voice of Gillian Anderson playing a chapstickless babydoll Miss Havisham for the BBC: http://youtu.be/P2V6gTuxE58
I keep saying that each new “Texts From” is the best one, but no really. This one is the best one.
THEY KEEP EXCEEDING MY EXPECTATIONS, guys.
Your…great expectations?
The last exchange is perfect. Perfect!
This is the best one yet.
I wish there was more.
This is PERFECT (like all of them), but one tiny quibble: it’s EstellA, not Estelle. I’M SORRY I HAD TO
Looks fine to me now, you must be weird. (Fixed, thanks.)
I’m so weird. And P.S. as soon as I posted this I was like “Emily, you are now the person who has been reading and enjoying The Toast from day one but has only commented to pedantically correct a spelling error, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!” so: sorry Nicole and Mallory. Haha :'(
So guys, the character of Miss Havisham… I mean, did anything happen to make her that way? Usually Dickens is so good about character background. I dunno.
Apparently he based her on a real person. Which real person was a matter of some debate. What gets me is that there were apparently a number of real-life people who could have been the model for that character. Come on, jilted wealthy ladies. Eat that whole damn cake and move on. You’re a wealthy lady! You could do anything!
Estella, come play cards with Pip
–I’m busy
come onnnn
you can break his heart
it’ll be awesome
just snap it in two
–I don’t know
I bet you’ll almost be able to hear it break
pop
that’s the noise
little working class heart just
over
Someone should write a fanfiction where Miss Havisham and Betsey Trotwood become best friends and go on a road trip (like in a carriage, obviously) and hate on small male babies.
if it’s a boy I hope you drown it
Love it.
I think you’re just saying you’re writing it down
That right there is where Miss Havisham morphed into my mother.
I think you're just saying you're writing it down
That right there is where Miss Havisham morphed into my mother.
Awesome!
Gatsby next! Or Daisy. Tom. Someone from The Great Gatsby.
I so want texts from every character in the novel!
Hey Pip, how’s the extreme wealth thing going? 😉
WHO IS THIS NUMBER WHY DO YOU KEEP TEXTING ME
I made you, you know
o m g MAGWITCH WINKY FAAAACE
My freshman English teacher, who assigned this book, often told us how much he identified with Miss Havisham. He also lived alone with his two "ladies" (cats), Blanche and Pearl.
This is a delight.
yesss….
So, so perfect