A Linguist Explains the Rules of Summoning Benedict Cumberbatch

by Gretchen McCulloch · December 2, 2013

The Toast’s [Nicole’s] ongoing Benedict Cumberbatch coverage can be found here.

Bandicoot Cabbagepatch, Bandersnatch Cumberbund, and even Wimbledon Tennismatch: there seem to be endless variations on the name of Benedict Cumberbatch. In fact, even street signs have gotten into the action:

(image via)

But how is a normal internet citizen supposed to know, when they hear someone say “I just can’t stop looking at gifs of Bombadil Rivendell” that this person isn’t talking about some other actor with a name and a voice and cheekbones? Or in other words, what makes for a reasonable variation of the name Bendandsnap Calldispatch?

I’m a linguist, and that means that I’m interested in the subconscious patterns that emerge from the way people use language. Based on the fact that fans tend to respond to synonyms of Anglerfish Gigglesnort with a laugh of recognition and not a blank stare, I think there are patterns here too, even if we’re not aware of them. So let’s approach this question scientifically, by generating a range of hypotheses from the general to the specific, and trying to disprove them.

Hypothesis #1. Any two words.

We can pretty clearly rule this one out. Some evidence: neither “I was looking at gifs of grecian urns” nor “I was looking at gifs of The Doctor” can be reasonably interpreted to mean that the speaker was looking at gifs of Rumblesack Chesterfield. (Not that these aren’t also perfectly reasonable pastimes. It’s a judgement-free zone here.)

Hypothesis #2. Any two long words.

Maybe “urns” and “the” just aren’t long enough, so let’s try some really long words instead. This Wikipedia article says that Counterrevolutionaries and Deinstitutionalization are some of the longest words found in ordinary English text (not counting those behemoths that are made up just to win longest-word prizes). But if someone says “Hey, check out these gifs of Counterrevolutionaries Deinstitutionalization,” I’m picturing that street scene from Les Mis, not a British actor in a blue scarf.

Hypothesis #3. Any two three-syllable words.

Those words might’ve been too long. And maybe Deinstitutionalization is a little bit abstract. After all, a canonical example like Bumbershoot Cheeseburger has three syllables per word and creates this nice vivid mental image of…I’m not sure what. But it’s definitely vivid. So will any pair of three-syllable words work just as well? What about two other words that refer to a thing that keeps the rain off and a delicious hand-held food? Well, “Did you see the gifs of Umbrella Falafel’s latest movie?” is a bit closer than the previous hypotheses, but it still just doesn’t quite have the right ring to it.

Hypothesis #4. Something more complicated.

Okay, so maybe coming up with examples off the top of my head based on my intuitions as Someone Who’s Watched Sherlock And Has Tumblr isn’t the best way to do science. Besides, as we all know, the latest trend in the research world is Big Data. But how can we find a massive number of fan-approved variations on Rinkydink Curdlesnoot?

Fortunately, that’s a solved problem. The bounteous internet has already provided us with the Boobytrap Crimpysnitch Name Generator. I assume that its variations are legit based on the fact that it went viral a couple of months ago and that anyone dedicated enough to create such a website is probably a pretty devoted fan. Through highly nefarious means (aka, a quick “view-source”), I managed to acquire the whole list of names: removing duplicates, that’s 68 synonyms for Battleship and 70 synonyms for Craggletoe, plus 8 that were pre-listed together, such as Candycrush Templerun. (For more examples, go check out the generator or see all the synonyms used in this article.)

So I cleaned up the data a bit by taking out the html formatting, put the names into a spreadsheet, and started annotating for factors that might be relevant based on the differences I noticed between Umbrella Falafel and Bumbershoot Cheeseburger, which is the near-miss we had above. Let’s go through the factors that worked one at a time.

Factor #1: Three syllables

It’s nice to see that we were right up above at pointing out that the names almost always have three syllables each: the stats show 98% three-syllable names.

Factor #2: Initials BC

This factor might seem intuitive, but it’s kind of a weird one because there are some great non-BC examples like Wimbledon Tennismatch, Candycrush Templerun, and Bombadil Rivendell, all of which are listed as pre-set pairs in the name generator. It turns out that overall 65% of names begin with the appropriate letter, which is a definite trend but not an absolute. Note that I counted “beginning with c” by the actual letter, which included both the sounds “k” and “ch”, but none of the c-initial examples began with the version of c that’s pronounced “s”, even though there are a few that began with an actual “s”. I also have the impression that it’s slightly better if a pair includes at least one name that begins with B or C, but that this can be bent for really excellent combinations.

Factor #3: Stressed on first syllable

The big breakthrough came when I realized that the good examples, like BULBasaur CHARizard, are stressed on the first syllable, while the bad examples, like umBRELLa faLAFel, are stressed on the second one. This one really holds up. 95% of names have initial stress, and most of the ones that don’t are compounds of multiple words, like Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan, which obviously isn’t in any dictionary that will tell me how to stress it but I strongly suspect gets initial stress here anyway.

Factor #4: Ends with a consonant, especially k, t, sh, or ch

Another very robust trend is that both words end in a consonant: 84% for first names and 97% for last names. In fact, it’s not just ending in any consonant, but ending in a sound like p, t, k, s, sh, or ch was much more common than one would expect from a random list of words (59% of names ended in one of these sounds, which are known as voiceless obstruents if you want to be fancy). Even more precisely, a full 40% of synonyms for Splishnsplash ended with either s, sh or ch, although only 16% of synonyms for Brandybuck did.

Factor #5: Has m or n between the first two syllables

Both Benadryl and Cumbersnatch have a nasal sound (m, n, or ng) at the end of the first syllable or beginning of the second, and so do 42% of the variants, which again is a strong but not overwhelming trend.

Factor #6: Last vowel is æ

There’s also a minor trend for the very last vowel to be the æ sound in “cat”, as in Wafflesmack and Bumbersplat. For the second word, 27% of names follow this pattern.

Factor interactions

One thing that I suspect but can’t prove definitively is that names that are atypical in one factor are more likely to be typical in another. For example, the few names that aren’t three syllables long all begin with B (they’re all first names), like Bunsenburner, Barbituate, and Butawhiteboy. And all of the names that don’t end in a consonant begin with a B or a C, with the exception of Timothy which I gather is Boobytrap Upperclass’s actual middle name. Most of the names that don’t have (provably) initial stress also start with B or C, the only exceptions being Johnnycash and Moldyspore. Names that don’t start with B or C seem to be more likely to have m or n in the middle or æ at the end, like Scratchnsniff and Ampersand.

Here are some cumbergraphs if you want to see the breakdowns by first and last names. We can see the three big factors: initial stress, three syllables, and ending in a consonant, plus the slightly lesser factors of beginning and ending with the appropriate sounds, and the rather surprising finding that occasionally the names actually begin with the letter of the other name.

Take-home message: It’s complicated, but there are definitely trends

The tl;dr of how to make a new name for Buttercup Animorph:

Key ingredients: two words (ok if they’re made of smaller words smushed together), three syllables each, stress is on first syllable

At least three of: ends in consonant, begins with B or C, ends in preferred consonant (s, sh, ch), has n or m between first two syllables, has æ in last syllable of the last word

So, does this mean that I have to be self-conscious the next time I rename Buffalo Countryside in case I’m Doing It Wrong?

No! Because chances are, if you’re familiar with the genre, that you’re already doing it right. Remember that these factors are a pattern that emerges if you look at an aggregate picture of what fans of Burgerking Kryptonite are already doing. But a) it’s possible that people could start doing something different with his name and b) it’s possible that I’ve overlooked something that makes your variation especially clever. (Perhaps I should have given bonus points to any name that mentions otters?) Although seriously, pick a name and try it, because it’ll probably actually work.

Thanks to Cara, Emily, Megan, and Vanessa for brainstorming Blubberwhale Frumblesnatch synonyms, although most of the ones used here are actually from the Name Generator.

Challenge: What’s your favourite variation of Snozzlebert Clavichord? Does it fit the pattern?

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136 Comments

      1. allthingslinguistic +19

        Well, you might want to wait until you’ve recovered your ability to even before tackling the stats, I’m just saying.

    1. logicbutton +27

      no guys stop upvoting, seriously somebody call an ambulance, i think i punctured a lung

  3. TiaBaheri +42

    Fascinating! It did just seem like people were throwing words together at a certain point and then it seemed like the B and C were necessary but I see that it’s not always the case. Very important analysis. Quality of life improved. Thank you Toast, as always. This coverage becomes increasingly vital as the-show-that-shall-not-be-named-lest-I-anger-the-spirits-and-postpone-it comes out soon.

  5. ipomoea +48

    This hits a sweet spot of mine that never gets touched: Bandicoot Clambersnatch AND linguistics. I need to have a lie-down to process the overwhelming joy.

    2. TheRenleigh +10

      Right??? There is a very real possibility that this is not a real post but rather a wonderful fever dream that I hope I never awake from.

  7. sigaloenta +78

    Oh man, this is why I love linguistics so much: “Here’s a thing that you know how to do without thinking about it; now here’s how it actually works.” Sorry, Brandenburg Scaliwag, that’s way hotter than (even) you are.

  8. lilsebastian01 +21

    I really feel like the most important part is that there’s primary stress on the first syllable and secondary stress on the last syllable. It seems like most of the ones that don’t or can’t fit that pattern are obvious jokes not really meant to fit the pattern — Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan is a sentence, not a silly nonsense phrase.

    1. lilsebastian01 +26

      Also, the generator just gave me “Wanda’s Crossthatch,” both parts of which I reject as acceptable. Bouillabaisse Cragglethatch, however, is perfect.

      1. allthingslinguistic +6

        Interesting. It seems like the person who made the generator has updated it since I scraped the data, which was a few months back actually. Although both parts of Wanda’s Crossthatch probably fail my criteria 🙂

        1. Bombadil Rivendell +3

          Hm, I’m assuming you’re talking about the ‘Wanda’s Crotchfruit’ name that comes up every now and then. I suppose you can exclude that one from your analysis as it’s an “Easter egg”/inside joke that isn’t meant to adhere to the structure of the other variations

    2. EPWordsnatcher +14

      I think you’re on to something with the stressed syllables. Albacore Tunafish doesn’t really fit a lot of the other rules but it does play nicely with the rhythm that’s needed.

        1. drladybusiness +56

          Now I feel like linguists and poets need to work together, because as delightful as this essay is, the whole time I was internally shouting “It’s the dactylic meter! They’re both dactyls! We have specialized terms for it!” But alas, we have no charts. I also strongly suspect that the second word has to be a noun, whereas the first word can sometimes be an adjective, but I don’t have any special terms for that.

          2. lilsebastian01 +15

            Hooray, sharing across disciplines! Dactyls are what’s up! I agree about the adjective/noun thing, although there needs to be an allowance for totally made up words.

          3. allthingslinguistic +19

            Well, from a linguistic perspective, if there are three syllables and the first one (antepenult) has primary stress, the third one (ultima) will get secondary stress practically by default, no extra specification necessary. So specifying antepenult stress is sufficient.

            However, this inspired me to google whether someone had ever written a double dactyl about Benedict Cumberbatch and OMG LOOK: http://meredithsc.deviantart.com/art/Sherlock-Dou…

          4. drladybusiness +20

            Fascinating! One of the joys of this particular handsome double dactyl is that it has the same metrical pattern in both British and US English, making it much easier for transatlantic Cumberbatchery Studies.

          5. drladybusiness +9

            Also, if I never use the word “thespidragonically” in a poem I will consider myself failed as an artist.

          6. allthingslinguistic +8

            My former favourite long word in a poem was Terpsichore but that may have been replaced by thespidragonically now…

            Former favourite which is still great, from: http://wordsmith.org/awad/awadmail210.html

            “A Felicia Lamport poem from decades past, commenting on the then-new fashion for summer cultural festivals in rural locations, specifically the lines:

            “In hickory thickery folks once got liquory;
            Now it’s Terpsichore’s lair.”

          8. ThatOtherWench +12

            Yes to the dactyls, and yes to the sharing across disciplines. As a complete poetry/linguistics amateur, I agree with everyone that the meter is everything. (At least, when start/ending sounds can’t be everything.)

            However, as a statistics professional, I bet we could do some more analysis of factor interaction. Hard scientists have been doing this for years, why shouldn’t we get to?

            Of course, analysing the relevance of the full meter would require hand-coding the meter pattern for each one, and I’m not quite *that* bored at work.

          9. winged +3

            Yes! I was thinking the secret was that dactyls work best because his name is in dactylic …dimeter and it’s distinct sounding.

          10. MomLoves Words

            Usually, but I have gotten “Upperclass” for the second name from the generator, and I definitely think of that as an adjective (although I would hyphenate it in a normal sentence).

  9. klemay +36

    Trying not to hyperventilate at my desk because of how amazing this is. I would LOVE to see more from Gretchen on The Toast, especially on intersections of linguistics & pop culture.

      1. klemay +2

        Yes, it is! The username klemay is taken on IntenseDebate, which is why I haven’t created an account and added the wug picture. I hope the other klemay is putting the username to good use. 🙁

  10. anachronistique +24

    It’s not just that there’s a stress on the first syllable – it’s a double dactyl! (Someone did an amazing double dactyl poem for BC when the whole Khan thing was going down, but I can’t find it.)

    1. sigaloenta +26

      Nambypamb Bumpercar
      [insert ad libitum]
      Ottery Sherlock–but
      don’t forget Khan!

      It’s just too easy — since
      Randomass-crapshooting
      Bric–a-brac Pseudonyms
      all name our man

    3. Amberlyza +17

      I find it supremely disappointing that the word “dactyl” appeared nowhere in this article: DACTYLS ARE THE BEST, AND DOUBLE DACTYLS (by definition) DOUBLY SO.

      Here’s the DD I wrote after seeing Into Darkness:

      Denterprise benterprise
      Benedict Cumberbatch
      playing “John Harrison”
      awfully wan

      J.J.’s reveal comes so
      unmelanistically
      Trekkies all over shout
      YOU ARE NO KHAAAAAAN

  12. deliciousrecoil +27

    This was an extremely important article.

    However, I think the whimsical nature of the words used has been deemphasized. The words work better when they’re twee, I think.

  13. meanchelled +63

    ummm so for a few weeks last year, several friends and I could. not. stop. making up names for Beetlefart Crumpington, so we put them into a spreadsheet which then became a word cloud. there’s a few that a) don’t fit the established meter at all but b) embrace the anarchic nature of NEVER CALLING THIS CREATURE BY HIS ACTUAL NAME, whose forms were broken up by the word cloud generator, e.g. “united colors of benetton cul-de-sac” or “chinspeare w.h. flumblewhale”

    every time a beautiful new combination comes along, like BENDANDSNAP CALLDISPATCH, I feel my soul crawl a little closer to heaven

      1. mbculver +20

        Now imagining Helena Bonham Carter floating around outside the ISS, hair wild inside her space helmet.

    3. rien à dire +10

      In case there was any doubt before, this comment proved to me (yet again!) that y’all are my people. #onelove

  15. pedantic_oyster +58

    Two-thirds through this article I had to scroll back up to the title because I could no longer remember Bricabrac Kinderegg’s real name.

    2. meanchelled +50

      TO FORGET HIS EARTH NAME EVEN FOR A MOMENT IS TO TOUCH THE TRUEST ESSENCE OF THE BUMPERSNOUT

  16. TLO +23

    This is the best thing I’ve read on the internet since some genius in a Hairpin comment thread coined Benedick Cuntersnatch.

  17. joyridehair +52

    As a Gay Lady, I have been confounded by the Benedict Cumberbatch coverage. But now … now it’s all different because it comes with graphs and analysis. Thank you, The Toast.

    Heresaman Nottokill

    1. tibia_ +14

      I have also had a saved email in my drafts folder for like 2 years that says only:

      bumblebee cunnilingus
      bramblebush camembert
      brandywine candyshop

    2. notthatindie +1

      I was wondering where the traffic to my blog was coming from 🙂
      For the record, that is my favorite thing EHG has ever done.

      1. tibia_ +1

        Me too, EXCEPT maybe that one time during original flavor EHG when there was a surprise game time during a mini, which made me *literally* gasp out loud with happiness. I just love game time so much???

        I also posted the link in the comments of EHG’s new FAQ post, and Dave replied something like, “haha, I forgot there were so many.” There are SO MANY.

        That post is also why I originally started following you on tumblr which turned out to be a good idea!

  22. dakimel +22

    Could this article have made me happier? I DON’T THINK SO. It is perfection and joy.

    Catchafish Ottersnatch
    Bangadrum Cymbalcrash
    Barkandpurr Cuddlepatch

  23. Pat +31

    I think the best ones also have that faintly British (or Harry Potter-y) tone… like Bumbershoot Culdesac.

  24. Kia Matthews +38

    My favorite thing in this world is when real life technical knowledge is applied to internet tomfoolery.

  27. Jenna P +21

    This has been going on since time immemorial. Beeblebrox Crumpetcatch himself once said that kids tormented him at school by calling him “Bendydick Cum-on-my-baps.”

  28. deleted1892326 +12

    I would become a crazy cat/dog/pet lady just to name all of my pets these names. (Below and above)

    Bundypaws Cabbagepatch
    Bitterpill Catserwitch
    Bootybump Candlewick

  29. anhweol +10

    I have to point out that Congleton and Sandbach (on the road sign) are very close to Comberbach (pronounced exactly like Cumberbatch). Mid-Cheshire placenames are clearly converging on the Platonic ideal of the name…

  30. spectralbovine +9

    This is amazing and an excellent use of your time, and ours. Thank you.

    Bandicoot Kittycat.

  31. cosmia +10

    Someone sent me this the other day in honour of the newest Salad Fingers episode (Salad Fingers is 10 years old guys!):

    2. Lu3

      I don’t know what this is, but I have to say, it looks just like him/Sherlock (with some Jack Skellington mixed in). And I’m a stone-cold Cumberbitch, so that’s a compliment.

  32. güerita +14

    the whole conversation is a total delight, and reminds me of Eddy Izzard trying to imagine how Jerry Dorsey became Englebert Humperdink: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGmMO0zbJo — which, for what it’s worth, is also a set of 2 three-syllable words with the stress on the first syllable and no dipthongs.

  35. Jesse +11

    Here’s hoping that Balthazar Camelbak gets cast as the Penguin — aka Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot — in a future Batman movie. Sure,

  37. Bri +6

    I’ve collected a lot of alternate names for Dumperdill Unitback (from Tumblr) and some of my favorites are: Bassdrop Cumberwubwub, Beelzebub Thundercats, Benetrain Cumberchoochoo, Binglebangle Foofawomp, Britishdrink Cuppatea, and Popecomb Penguinbatshh.

  40. Haldane +9

    Did you consider ‘Englishness’ as an element? All those old place name elements provide very good fodder.

  43. zolacnomiko +9

    The first mutation I ever heard (before I was aware of the meme, or possibly before it existed) was Cumberdict Bandersnatch, and it is still near and dear to my heart, and is invariably how I will refer to him.

  45. Elisa +3

    I feel like you overlooked one element: sexual innuendo. For example, Bendydick Cumonmyback (not mine – the invention of one of his friends, apparently) is more recognizable than Benefit Calabash. Can you measure that? By which I mean the factor of sexual innuendo, not the Bendydick in question.

    Also, I’m rather enamored of my best effort: Bulletproof Candyass. Because I love the sound of those two concepts clanging against each other.

  46. Joan +5

    summoning Benedict Cumberbatch…yes, that would be something I’d be very interested in doing.

  49. Rosie +9

    Aah best article ever!
    It doesn’t quite fit the pattern but in my family we call him “EggsBenedict Cummerbund”

  54. john +1

    Bikramhot Funkysmell
    Bentonite Chundershunt
    Fenneldick Cumbersnatch
    Visicrack Plumberbutt
    Rabindranath Tragorenatch
    Upperlip Stiffenbot

  55. Sarah +2

    From another person’s Brandywine, I realized my go-to is now, and will forever be, “Brandywine Commonsshops.”

    (Brandywine Commons happens to be a shopping center I drive by often.)

  56. P. Wasserscheidt +2

    Great, wonderful construction grammar analysis of the variations. In fact, you discovered a new schema 🙂

  57. Nat +3

    I call him Flufferdoodle Gingersnap. I don’t remember if I read it on tumblr, some other website, or if I came up with it.

  58. alarmallama +3

    Theory: any labial sound on the first word makes it sound acceptable.

    Frippery Carpetbag
    Piccolo Concertine
    Malabrigo Cableknit
    Verisign Cuneiform

    I think the velars are a little more touch-and-go. Maybe voiced ones?

    Bountiful Gaucherie
    Bitchery Grumblebum

  60. Eleri +1

    I am fond of CUMMERBUND BANDERSNACH myself, which flips the starting letters, and yet still works

  64. MerrySard +1

    My pet favourite name for him is slightly out of the pattern you have found, but not by much: Eggs Benedict Cucmberpatch.

    As you can see, I stuck rather close to his real name.

  65. Neil Rashbrook

    I was surprised to find that Burger‌‌​King Cheeseburger was an approved variation. I can imagine the advertisement now as the actor momentarily believes he is the centre of attention instead of the aforementioned product.

  66. philosophidian +10

    One of the most well-known rules in all the Internet is “never look at the comments.” And that’s especially true of this particular post.

    Not because anyone is being an asshat, but because I have just literally hurt myself laughing so hard. And I laugh-snorted in public. IN PUBLIC, people. And it’s all your fault.

    Also, I’m partial to Bandersnoot Congaline.

  70. Eyedunno +4

    I can’t view the list at work, but is Bellflower Scalawag on it? That’s the one I just came up with, though it doesn’t meet every criterion. Brillocloth Monistat? Bonafide Pyroclast? But man, I’m doing poorly with the last name ending in ‘c’. Um, Bedandboard Culsdesac?

    I like that French at the end. It just inspired Bonaparte Coupdetat.

  75. Wiseacre

    I propose two other factors, a perceived Dickensian ‘quaintness’ and consonant clusters, especially taking the form [nasal][plosive]-le, which make Danglerack Crimplesnatch a more successful example than Benadryl Unitback. Whether the quaintness is in these particular consonant clusters or whether they’re two separate factors is for you to work out.

  77. Sheogorath

    I know the feller’s name full well, but in light of the amount of respect he has for Autistic people, I deliberately call him Berkedick Cumberbitch. Rather insulting to female dogs, I know. *shrugs*

  78. Polyglot Bagelsnack +2

    I know I’m late to this party, but what about names in other languages?

    In Spanish, “esdrújulo” means a word with the stress on the third to last (antepenultimate) syllable. And so I wonder if their are good Spanish versions? It is tricky to do factor four (ends in k, ch, sh).

    As “Benedict” is Latin, and Cumberbatch is so Anglo-saxon/just plain silly, it is nice to combine names from different language families… Baltasar Prix de France. Cadafalch Monstermash. Gipuzkoa Cricketbat. Shrinkydink Puig i Llach.

  79. Sista_Ray

    In Michael Gerard Bauer’s YA novel “Don’t Call Me Ishmael” there is a similar “game” with the protagonist’s name (by a bully, hence the chosen words are almost invariably negative).
    Ishmael Leseur becomes
    Fishtail Le Sewer
    with other variations on his first name being
    Dishrail
    Kisstail
    Piss-stale
    Fishstale
    Stalefish
    Stalepiss
    Email
    Female
    and further variations on his last name being
    Le Pooer
    and
    Manure.

    This seems to work on rhyme, syllables and toilet humour.

    Of course, the Benedict Cumberbatch game is far superior, especially as it is not done to humiliate but to entertain.

  82. thedarkword +1

    Disappointed that the last line didn’t read “Or, ‘it sounds British’.” 🙁 That would have been the perfect way to end the article. I would have done that.