“But whatever the dream, there’s always a face that I can’t see, that I keep missing, out there beyond the edge of the crowd.” -The Man Without A Face, 1993

For a few years now I heard whispers of Michael Fassbender. I had no idea what he was in, but tales came to me about his looks. Mainly, that he had them, because no one cared to specify anything else. I figured, like with many attractive actors, I would understand it when I saw it. And then I saw some of his movies and, guys, I have no idea what Michael Fassbender looks like.

It all began home one night watching X-Men: First Class, in which I am told Michael Fassbender plays a young Magneto. “Who is that?” I asked Matt. He informed me it was Michael Fassbender, but for the rest of the night I was unsure every time he appeared on screen. “Was that Michael Fassbender?” Yes it was. “What about that time?” Yes, still Michael Fassbender. “Who is that?” Jaya how do you still not know what he looks like.

But it persists! I decided to look him up, but a Google image search of Michael Fassbender yields hundreds of photos of men who look nothing alike. Or men who do look alike, only in that they look like men. Some have facial hair, some wear ties, all are Michael Fassbender. I discovered he was in Inglorious Basterds, a movie I have seen multiple times. “Yeah, he’s the British officer who messes up ordering Schnapps,” I’m told, and I think back. I know the hand holding up the wrong three fingers, but the face is a mystery. He may have been wearing a hat.

While watching the Oscars an announcement came that Michael Fassbender was nominated for his role in 12 Years A Slave. “Michael Fassbender was in that?” I asked as the camera cut to a man with a beard. I thought back to X-Men, trying to compare their faces, but came up with nothing. You may think I have face blindness, but please, describe Michael Fassbender right now. You can’t! You will think the word “man,” maybe “tall but not that tall.” You will turn into Jason Segel describing Preston in Can’t Hardly Wait. You’ll then start wondering why you never noticed Jason Segel was in Can’t Hardly Wait and forget about Michael Fassbender completely. This is how he wants it.

In this ability to have no identity, Michael Fassbender is the perfect actor. What magic, to be everyone and no one! To have a face that changes from movie to movie, scene to scene, unrecognizable as yourself. He has found the sweet spot for actors that comes between being seen and making yourself unseeable. Stay too small and you will dissolve into your roles but gain no notoriety, but become too big and no one will be able to watch your films without thinking “that’s So and So,” and possibly remembering what you looked like in sunglasses and track pants pumping your own gas. No, Michael Fassbender has tricked the system, becoming a household name without a household face. You will forget about Michael Fassbender until Michael Fassbender wants you to remember him, and see him for as long as he wants to be seen. After that, he is but a shadow in a tuxedo, possibly with a beard.

Michael Fassbender could be in my room right now and I wouldn’t know.