This is TOO perfect, since today is my Dad’s birthday which means he will be a Peak Dad and insisting we didn’t need to get him a present despite the fact that the one time he thought we forgot he sulked for MONTHS, even when it showed up a few days later.
Considering his present this year is an Apple Watch, he better not be thinking of buying a boat or my mom will kill him. Especially considering her opinions on how he drives a car.
houblonchouffe+5
Aw, my dad’s birthday was Sunday. Yay August dads <3
Forrest+30
>>he will be a Peak Dad and insisting we didn’t need to get him a present despite the fact that the one time he thought we forgot he sulked for MONTHS
OH MY GOD.
My dad was 70 in January, and had a big party. He also kept telling us not to worry about getting him a present, and that he knew what a big deal us coming to the party was, because we all had babies last year. So we decided that instead of buying him a physical present, me and my two brothers and my dad would all go and do an activity day together, like off-road riding or something.
We spent six months of trying desperately to schedule a time when brother 2 could be away from his wife and their tiny twins for a whole day, or I could be away from the baby I was breastfeeding, or we could all get together (including brother 2 and wife and twins driving 5 hours), or where we could all go so our partners could look after the babies and whilst the four of us did an activity, which meant we’d miss out on adorable cousin time… Meanwhile, my dad kept insisting that he didn’t want to “do” a special thing, and couldn’t we all just get together, and have a weekend with all the babies. Anyway, eventually we decided that it wasn’t going to work out and just planned a simple weekend instead, all babies all the time.
That was last weekend, and OF COURSE my dad complained every twenty minutes about how we hadn’t got him a present. POOR HIM, NO PRESENT, MAYBE NOBODY LOVED HIM. In fact, he has probably written to the problem page of Dad Magazine about how hard-done-by he is.
TSK.
houblonchouffe+27
Striking The Balance: Realtree and Blaze Orange.
vmartinipie+5
Whoa, didn’t know you had a Toast account there, dad, fancy seeing you here!
mbculver+15
<3 Blue mustache dad with a dog!!<3
My dad was a plaid flannel overshirt guy, but heartily endorsed sweatshirts as others’ fall fashion staples.
SmrtCookie+11
My dad is a sweatshirt OVER plaid flannel shirt guy, but that might be more of a winter outfit.
pigeonsquid+4
sweatshirt over plaid flannel shirt is an appropriate outfit for late fall into earlier winter, according to Dad Magazine.
littlehuntingcreek+74
By sweatshirts dads mean the same sweatshirt they have worn for the past ten years, like Bill Belichick
hugpunch+18
“It’s still good, why would I change it,” Dad said, while his sweatshirt screams silently.
formergr+4
This is my father with underwear. My poor mother. I have seen them in the laundry, and they are threadbare, saggy, and faded. It isn’t pretty, let me tell you. I think he has a few pair that are a good nine years old.
cleo+8
My dad is pretty proud of his 20 year old socks And if anyone gives him grief, he starts talking about the throwaway consumer culture and that takes care of that criticism.
notebook-keeper+5
My dad refuses to throw out his towels from college. He graduated college in 1984. They’ve been downgraded to “work towels,” whatever that means. He says, “I look at them as an investment piece!”
Lady_Honoria+3
So… when are they going to start paying dividends?
Or maybe they’ll gain sentience, go out and earn a living, and send him half their paycheck.
sausagedog+61
Fall Fashion Forecast, continued on page 65: – Flannel – Flannel-lined khakis – Slippers Bonus: How to convince your whole family they need a pair of long johns
squishycatmew+10
I actually really like lined pants and sometimes wish I still lived somewhere cold enough to make owning some reasonable. I mean, I’m short -legged and usually have to cuff my pants anyway, so they might as well have a nice linings.
(see also: sweater tights, though those I get to wear a bit more.)
Household_Opera+6
My dad, who described his fashion sense as “I dress like a farmer,” would have endorsed that fashion forecast.
TheRenleigh+4
Flannel-lined jeans for when you’re feeling casual.
leslieellenjones+29
You don’t need to “convince” your family they need long johns–you simply buy them (preferably from LL Bean or The Vermont Country Store) for them for Christmas and turn off the heat.
aurorabirdialis+4
There is a camp song about long johns. I am fairly certain it was written by a dad.
manulpika+51
Dad spotted in the wild: My downstairs neighbor’s dad has left a special tool in our basement for cutting the edge of your grass into a straight line (ie not spilling over onto the sidewalk). He edges up our yard when he visits because he likes to spend a lot of time sitting out there and apparently a recently edged yard is nicer to look at.
jennycieplak+16
MY HUSBAND DID THAT! He is a closet dad! Our decision to not have kids will not change his dadly tendencies…
irishbreakfasttime+25
ahahaha my fiance is definitely a dad-minus-kids too. We have no yard to putter in but the attention he lavishes on our single potted marigold is straight-up Dad. Put a kid near him, and “good” advice and jokes start coming out, like some kind of dad reflex.
houblonchouffe+14
Oh my god MrChouffe wants one of those SO MUCH.
BestLaidPlans+27
Our old across-the-street neighbor once told Mr. Plans that edging the driveway made it look “so much bigger” in an effort to get Mr. Plans to edge.
Smitty+11
This sounds a little like a euphemism… 😉
houblonchouffe+14
There’s a reason it’s called “manscaping!”
tanaise+2
Confession: I have a pair of grass shears with a rotatable head that will do that!
Corollary to the confession: I mostly use them as edgers for keeping the crabgrass off the sidewalk, which I’m pretty sure is an unacceptable plant in dad terms. (As I am not a dad, I think it’s a great plant, its habits of taking over the sidewalk aside: it’s green, and keeps my yard from looking completely dead, which is the alternative.)
gullwing+36
“Gullwing, would you like me to pick up some merino sweaters for you at Costco?” – my dad.
Battle_Swine+4
That is adorable.
Mrs_Peel+11
Confession: I’ve not only bought dresses at BJ’s Wholesale Club, but I’ve worn one to a wedding.
Zipperumpazoo+12
Having gone to Costco today, I can assure you that at least 80% of the shoppers are retired dads.
chiaroscuromom+5
My dad would not be able to buy me merino sweaters at Costco because he would be too busy partaking of all the free samples, and buying Hagen Daaz ice cream bars.
lanibgoode+15
I don’t know if my dad even owns a single sweatshirt, but he owns a lot of coats. A couple light jackets for cool weather and out in public, some for working outside in the yard, one particularly ratty one for oil changes and tire rotations and other dadly car repairs. Medium weight jackets, ditto. Only two or three heavy winter coats; one that can be worn out and about, and one that is bigger so it can be layered over the lighter jackets for shoveling/snowblowing in our cold midwestern winters. Needless to say, there is very little room for any other jackets in the coat closet (and I’ve never seen a coat rack that could hold up under so much weight).
squishycatmew+11
With my dad it’s hats. He has hats for all weather and in all colors. I think he might actually be the only person I have seen regularly wear a fedora who is not actually wearing a crappy trilby.
thebellewitch+6
Your dad is my father-in-law. Every Christmas, his list is 100% fleeces or windbreakers from Eddie Bauer.
irishbreakfasttime+11
Dads: They never replace anything that’s “still perfectly good,” yet they somehow need a new (high-quality, durable) jacket every Christmas. It’s a mystery!
gloriana232+5
Parka + shorts = dad uniform for taking out trash, warming up the car in snowy weather.
tragicallyludicrous+8
my dad is definitely obsessed with coat weights, and having as many different weights as one can. After all, what if it’s a certain temperature outside and you DON’T have the right weight of coat for it?
gozerjo+4
Oh and God forbid you ever leave the house without a “just in case” coat of an appropriate weight for how the weather *could* turn. I swear my father can still sense it, Spiderman-style, if I ever leave the house without a jacket. I live in the South, so it’s currently still 100+ degrees out, and I still keep a sweater or hoodie stashed in my purse.
aqueousmedium+4
With my dad it’s company jackets. He worked for a construction company for close to 40 years and my god the jackets. Any time I visited I’d have to a final check on my suitcase before I left because SOMEONE would sneak a jacket in there.
Also cheese, but that’s another story.
Beakses+1
My father in law tries to send us home with Maytag blue cheese every time we visit for Christmas, whether or not we have a many-hour plane ride with multiple connections ahead of us. We tend to “forget” to bring it home with us a lot (I like blue cheese! but not in my luggage…)
aurorabirdialis+8
My dad owns approximately enough coats to outfit a battalion. They are, by and large, all green or brown, occasionally black, and if I ever comment on any of them, he finds a me-sized version.
PRockette+2
My dad employs a complex layering system involving hoodies, long sleeve shirts and down vests, but rarely wears a full parka. You know it’s seriously winter when he hauls out his parka. Even his head requires a layering system (ball hat and either an earwarmer or toque). He says it’s better to layer because you don’t want to overheat. You can remove or add layers as needed.
tanaise+4
He’ll be writing the feature for the November issue: Staying cool while it’s cold.
LacaunaKale+65
My Dad went a ball game. Did you know that ballpark beer is $6?! It’s outrageous! So, he only had one.
PRockette+59
My dad messaged me from a Cher concert in Toronto (which he was attending with my mother) to note that $15 beer tastes the same as $5 beer. (Beer is more expensive in Canada.) Mind you, my mom messaged me from the same concert to share her amazement that Cher’s fans (a) are a lot of gay men her age (b) wear fun costumes (c) are so nice! Culturally, she is a middle-aged gay man, so I’m not sure what she expected.
GreenGrasses+30
DADS AT CONCERTS. My dad texted me a pic of he and my mom and a Billy Joel concert recently. But it was not a selfie, and you could not see the stage in it, so that means they asked a stranger to take a picture of the two of them sitting in some stadium seats smiling like goons!!! It’s far too wonderful to contemplate the how or why.
urspostrophe+19
My dad has been taking a lot of selfies at baseball fields he visits (he is the daddest of dads, after all) and has not figured out how to angle the camera properly. They are all taken straight on, with his head pulled as far back into his neck as he can get it, no smile. Dad! Get someone else to take your picture!
pigeonsquid+1
Oh man, I think we might have the same dad.
bottleredhead+12
My dad recently completed his dream-road-trip of all 30 major league ballparks in a single season (with my mom). This is every picture at every ballpark. The only way I can tell where they are is by the baseball cap because he bought a hometown cap (and rooted for the hometown –even when against his own team!) in every park
TheRenleigh+3
I have gotten the same pic from my parents from some sporting event (though they also go to Billy Joel concerts). The bland stadium seat background means I don’t feel bad about not remembering where they were.
elsajeni+104
My dad does not care for boats (he hates swimming and the outdoors), but for some reason he’s been on a beach house kick lately, which started with me getting an email from him, timestamped 3 a.m., with the subject line “Do you like beach houses” and no further content in the body of the message.
ramina+29
Peak Insomnia Dad
squishycatmew+14
My mother does that thing! The thing where she uses the subject line as part of the actual message and the actual body of the email is a direct continuation of the subject line or consists solely of a link, and is sent out of nowhere.
elsajeni+4
My dad usually doesn’t, but his best friend does (and also emails exclusively in all caps). Maybe it’s catching.
houblonchouffe+5
This is just the way my mom emails. She has never, to my knowledge, included text in the body of an email.
queen_of_filth+14
That is the only way that my dad emails. Unless it’s about flu shots, in which case the subject says “get a flu shot” and the body says the same thing three more times.
GruntledDave+15
Maybe next he’ll get obsessed with ski lodges, and the email subject wll be “Do you want to build a snowman?”
tragicallyludicrous+6
My dad doesn’t like swimming and hates being on boats, but fortunately he loves sitting on the beach and reading/napping. Especially since being at the beach is a favorite thing my mom has passed down to us. He would definitely enjoy a beach house.
KatPruska+21
Fall Dad Wardrobe! Anyone else’s Dad a HS teacher? Specifically social studies? My dad dressed just like Mr. Noblet, essentially. Fall meant sweaters over long-sleeve heavy cotton button downs, khakis, and comfy brown shoes (no cowboy boots, is where the two differ). Sometimes one of the many festive ties he sewed himself of quilting cotton, patterned with cows or galaxies or soccer balls.
Now that he’s retired I’m pretty sure the sweaters are still in rotation because Dads and getting rid of perfectly good clothes, but the weekend-only sweatshirts have also migrated to the weekdays.
irishbreakfasttime+45
Is “60!” about ages or the speed limit?
owlbrick+22
yes. 🙂
irishbreakfasttime+8
haha that is exactly how my dad answers either/or questions!
Prawns+9
Oh, I thought temperature!
winterbymorning+66
Road Trip Special: Don’t Forget To Print Out Your Itinerary As Provided By Google Maps, Mapquest And A Third Online Map Service Nobody Else Has Ever Heard Of, Even Though Your Car Has A GPS And You Own A Smartphone With Google Maps On It.
For bonus fun, spend the entire trip comparing the different itineraries and complaining about minor differences between them.
marthamydear22+24
Don’t forget to send the itinerary to everyone you know, complete with everyone’s cellphone and home number, in case SOMETHING happens.
winterbymorning+31
Re: in case something happens – my dad routinely texts my mom “I’m leaving work now” “I’m at the bus station” “The bus should be here in 5 minutes” “I just got on the bus” “Do you want me to pick anything up on my way in? I can get off the bus and walk back to the grocery store” “Okay, I’ll just stay on the bus then” “The bus is at ___ station” “I just got off the bus, I should be home in 5 minutes.”
It drives her insane, which is why he does it.
irishbreakfasttime+20
Every time I think, “I wish my parents knew how to text,” I imagine this scenario and take it back.
bluewindgirl+22
My dad refuses to text, but we taught him the voice to text thing, so we occasionally get long, rambling, somewhat incoherent text-translations of his calls. My mom texts CONSTANTLY, with a cheerful disregard for spelling or grammar but a pretty strong emoji game.
elsajeni+8
My dad will only text using Siri, and then he gets SUPER IRRITATED when Siri fails to perfectly understand his punctuation needs. (We went to a soccer game. The team is the Houston Dash. My mom and I got a lot of texts about whether we had bought the-tickets yet or whether we would want to buy a-jersey or anything, usually followed by texts saying HOUSTON-.)
flyingrat+7
I have known for a long time that I will become (a female version of) my dad, but this just brought it home to me, terrifyingly.
sparkwoodand21+19
And keep a book of road maps in the car, just in case!
winterbymorning+22
Maybe I should pull over at that gas station and buy some more maps. Can you really trust what you read on the internet?
Unreadaethel+18
And make sure to get a AAA triptik, too!
bluewindgirl+4
I got a AAA triptik once (mapquest existed at the time but our phones did not yet have GPS in them) and it was a beautiful thing, far superior to the pocket-robots of today.
m98widow+18
My dad is of the opinion that one must go to AAA and get maps for any upcoming trips despite having GPS on his phone and in his new car.
RuncibleSpoon+15
i wonder sometimes about the Dad Internets, because where do they find these online map and other websites no one else has ever heard of before?
tragicallyludicrous+3
My mom’s project for us kids while we were home was to teach my dad to use the GPS installed in his car, or at least Google Maps. I fobbed it off on my sister since she drives regularly and I don’t.
pretty_monster+7
I SEE YOU’VE MET MY DAD.
(also: use a red pen to break up the intended route into increments as determined by the distance theoretically traversed on a full tank of gas. grouse about traffic and weather patterns when your projections do not come to pass.)
Jill T
This is me. Get off my lawn.
GruntledDave+15
Sweatshirts, and hydration. I am Dad Magazine incarnate.
RuncibleSpoon+15
yeah, knock off a few decades and swap my gender out…this one had me wondering, do I like Dad Magazine so much because I’m truly a DAD(tm) at heart?
i mean, i’m already the keeper of the corny jokes in my household – Mr.Spoon is the despairing straightman to my increasingly roundabout puns. and i’m the one who knows how to use a socket wrench and refuses to buy replacements for what can be “fixed.”
GruntledDave+7
I’m with you. I will go a VERY LONG WAY to deliver a very weak pun.
I was telling my friends how my dad took up running and they were 100% sure he’d love a fanny pack for keeping his stuff in while he jogs, and I would tend to agree.
chiaroscuromom+15
My dad always wore chamois shirts in the fall! Or how about those Dickeys quarter-zips? Anyone?
As we ease on into winter, I think we need a feature on “How to encourage your adult daughter who has lived in the Midwest all her grown days that it is ESSENTIAL to carry chains, your own experience of being stationed in Maryland that one time 50 years ago not being out of date at all, oh no: A guide for Californians and other Southwesterners.”
cleo+3
Also for winter: Traction Grit! (my dad is 100% in favor of kitty litter, but he also carries pieces of cardboard and a spade, just in case)
chiaroscuromom+3
I hope it’s a collapsible spade from the army surplus!
austinmcarter+6
I have the opposite dad situation — I moved from the northeast to southern california, and my dad requires me to keep at least 2 gallons of water in the trunk at all times “because your car could overheat in that california sun anytime!!!!”
builtahouse+9
My 2 biggest occupations recently: collecting more Billy Joel cds to nod sagely during in the car, and being confused by Taylor Swift’s instagrams……I seem to be maturing into Dadness at an alarming rate.
Yarnybarny+6
Fall fashion: Time to put away the shorts and knee socks with sandals but don’t worry it’ll be summer again before you know it!
Perdita McLeod+15
My dad lives in Hawaii so he does not wear sweatshirts unless he comes to the mainland (whereupon if the temperature is less than 70 degrees he bundles up like it is winter and asks me to turn on the heat, a total violation of dad protocol.) At home his uniform is shorts, with shirt optional.
But he did just buy a boat. So.
vlyra+3
tbh anywhere it’s not humid and less than 70F requires a sweater, although my friends and I did wear shorts with our sweaters in the snow in the UK. Nothing is worth wearing pants.
msjinxie+24
Beardo and I went camping at a river this past weekend and there were SO MANY DADS and they all wanted to be helpful. My favorite was the Dad who asked Beardo if he wanted a “Power Push” when we were tubing on the river (Beardo accepted, of course, Anonymous Dad would’ve been so disappointed if he’d been turned down).
Anna+24
My parents came and visited my sister and me at our new place a few weeks ago, and almost immediately my dad decided that all our lightbulbs were unacceptable and we needed LED bulbs that would save us tens of dollars a year, so he went to Home Depot and bought them out of his brand of choice, and now everything is SO BRIGHT in the house. (They really are nice bulbs, though, and not cheap, either.)
Lady_Honoria+2
I just replaced a bunch of the LED bulbs in our house because SO BRIGHT. WHY SO BRIGHT?
Lady_Honoria+7
Actually, I say *I* did it. Actually it was my partner, who is a dad. He spent like ten minutes rummaging in our Cupboard of Lightbulbs, and somehow miraculously found ones that fit our light fittings (each room is different. Why) and were dimmer/more yellow. Then he changed them, refusing to let me help even by holding things, so he was balancing on a chair holding the light cover and two lightbulbs.
I left the room. When I came back it was cozy and dim. Then I had to tell him like on million times how great it was that he did that. #dad #datingdads
bighairnoheart+23
Substitute boat for small industrial chicken plucker and there’s coloneldad. Boat will always remain the pipedream though. Pity the landlocked dad. He may live in Vermont, but his Viking blood is pining for the fjords.
tanaise+2
Are there reviews of chicken pluckers on the internet? I know Consumer Reports doesn’t cover them, so how do you know which chicken plucker to get?
bighairnoheart+1
Ask around at the feed shop. Apparently that’ll do the trick.
celtadri+16
Wait, is that a dad/dog Leap Day William team costume?
Rachel Ross+5
Hahahaha! The dad on the cover is actually my dad. My cousin just graduated HS and is headed to University of Delaware this fall. Their colors are blue and yellow, so my Aunt bought a bunch of fun things in blue and yellow to wear in pictures. My dad chose the blue mustache and the tiny hat for the dog. -RR
celtadri+1
Love it. Also now I will perpetually assume that the U of Delaware is secretly worshipping Leap Day William.
aurorabirdialis+15
My dad isn’t thinking of buying a boat. He’s BUILDING a boat. I’m going to have to schedule a casual lurk in the workshop so he can very excitedly tell me all about it.
mkpatter+7
OK if Dad Magazine were a real magazine and I was the editor every issue would have a fashion spread featuring Tilly hats. Urban Tilly hat! Outdoorsy Tilly hat! Vacation Tilly hat! Casual Tilly hat!
tanaise+4
I’m assuming the models would be actual Dads, not models pretending to be Dads, so the editor’s note would include an anecdote about that time something bad happened to Featured Dad’s Tilly, and how it’s okay, it survived/was replaced by the company at no cost and really more places should be like that, don’t you think?
mkpatter+1
Wait, did they really? My Dad lost his on vacation once and I don’t remember him going on about this! (He also wore them until they were in tatters, is that a replaceable feat?)
I just remember the catalog which had dad stories all through it about the hat being eaten by an elephant, etc, washed up clean good as new afterwards, [picture of the Dad and his hat].
(okay, it may not have all been the same story there, probably, but it could have been! This is a dad’s hat! The ultimate in hats. Look at the insurance policy text:
“To claim under the insurance policy – send your Straight-Shooter’s Statement of Loss form, (which should be in the left side of your bottom dresser drawer, if you followed Alex Tilley’s advice)”
austinmcarter+18
my dad has an impressive sweatshirt collection, including a Chicago Bears one that he has worn on Christmas morning for the past 25 years. his current obsession is his “amazing sweatshirt” that has pockets — not a single pocket, like a hoodie, but two pockets on either side.
when asked why he likes it so much, he said “because i can keep the remote in one pocket and snacks in the other!”
fallofasparrow23
my dad has an impressive sweatshirt collection, including a Chicago Bears one that he has worn on Christmas morning for the past 25 years. his current obsession is his "amazing sweatshirt" that has pockets — not a single pocket, like a hoodie, but two pockets on either side.
when asked why he likes it so much, he said "because i can keep the remote in one pocket and snacks in the other!"
fallofasparrow23
I have the opposite dad situation — I moved from the northeast to southern california, and my dad requires me to keep at least 2 gallons of water in the trunk at all times "because your car could overheat in that california sun anytime!!!!"
Megano!
Wait, did they really? My Dad lost his on vacation once and I don't remember him going on about this! (He also wore them until they were in tatters, is that a replaceable feat?)
This is TOO perfect, since today is my Dad’s birthday which means he will be a Peak Dad and insisting we didn’t need to get him a present despite the fact that the one time he thought we forgot he sulked for MONTHS, even when it showed up a few days later.
Considering his present this year is an Apple Watch, he better not be thinking of buying a boat or my mom will kill him. Especially considering her opinions on how he drives a car.
Aw, my dad’s birthday was Sunday. Yay August dads <3
>>he will be a Peak Dad and insisting we didn’t need to get him a present despite the fact that the one time he thought we forgot he sulked for MONTHS
OH MY GOD.
My dad was 70 in January, and had a big party. He also kept telling us not to worry about getting him a present, and that he knew what a big deal us coming to the party was, because we all had babies last year. So we decided that instead of buying him a physical present, me and my two brothers and my dad would all go and do an activity day together, like off-road riding or something.
We spent six months of trying desperately to schedule a time when brother 2 could be away from his wife and their tiny twins for a whole day, or I could be away from the baby I was breastfeeding, or we could all get together (including brother 2 and wife and twins driving 5 hours), or where we could all go so our partners could look after the babies and whilst the four of us did an activity, which meant we’d miss out on adorable cousin time… Meanwhile, my dad kept insisting that he didn’t want to “do” a special thing, and couldn’t we all just get together, and have a weekend with all the babies. Anyway, eventually we decided that it wasn’t going to work out and just planned a simple weekend instead, all babies all the time.
That was last weekend, and OF COURSE my dad complained every twenty minutes about how we hadn’t got him a present. POOR HIM, NO PRESENT, MAYBE NOBODY LOVED HIM. In fact, he has probably written to the problem page of Dad Magazine about how hard-done-by he is.
TSK.
Striking The Balance: Realtree and Blaze Orange.
Whoa, didn’t know you had a Toast account there, dad, fancy seeing you here!
<3 Blue mustache dad with a dog!!<3
My dad was a plaid flannel overshirt guy, but heartily endorsed sweatshirts as others’ fall fashion staples.
My dad is a sweatshirt OVER plaid flannel shirt guy, but that might be more of a winter outfit.
sweatshirt over plaid flannel shirt is an appropriate outfit for late fall into earlier winter, according to Dad Magazine.
By sweatshirts dads mean the same sweatshirt they have worn for the past ten years, like Bill Belichick
“It’s still good, why would I change it,” Dad said, while his sweatshirt screams silently.
This is my father with underwear. My poor mother. I have seen them in the laundry, and they are threadbare, saggy, and faded. It isn’t pretty, let me tell you. I think he has a few pair that are a good nine years old.
My dad is pretty proud of his 20 year old socks And if anyone gives him grief, he starts talking about the throwaway consumer culture and that takes care of that criticism.
My dad refuses to throw out his towels from college. He graduated college in 1984. They’ve been downgraded to “work towels,” whatever that means. He says, “I look at them as an investment piece!”
So… when are they going to start paying dividends?
Or maybe they’ll gain sentience, go out and earn a living, and send him half their paycheck.
Fall Fashion Forecast, continued on page 65:
– Flannel
– Flannel-lined khakis
– Slippers
Bonus: How to convince your whole family they need a pair of long johns
I actually really like lined pants and sometimes wish I still lived somewhere cold enough to make owning some reasonable. I mean, I’m short -legged and usually have to cuff my pants anyway, so they might as well have a nice linings.
(see also: sweater tights, though those I get to wear a bit more.)
My dad, who described his fashion sense as “I dress like a farmer,” would have endorsed that fashion forecast.
Flannel-lined jeans for when you’re feeling casual.
You don’t need to “convince” your family they need long johns–you simply buy them (preferably from LL Bean or The Vermont Country Store) for them for Christmas and turn off the heat.
There is a camp song about long johns. I am fairly certain it was written by a dad.
Dad spotted in the wild: My downstairs neighbor’s dad has left a special tool in our basement for cutting the edge of your grass into a straight line (ie not spilling over onto the sidewalk). He edges up our yard when he visits because he likes to spend a lot of time sitting out there and apparently a recently edged yard is nicer to look at.
MY HUSBAND DID THAT! He is a closet dad! Our decision to not have kids will not change his dadly tendencies…
ahahaha my fiance is definitely a dad-minus-kids too. We have no yard to putter in but the attention he lavishes on our single potted marigold is straight-up Dad. Put a kid near him, and “good” advice and jokes start coming out, like some kind of dad reflex.
Oh my god MrChouffe wants one of those SO MUCH.
Our old across-the-street neighbor once told Mr. Plans that edging the driveway made it look “so much bigger” in an effort to get Mr. Plans to edge.
This sounds a little like a euphemism… 😉
There’s a reason it’s called “manscaping!”
Confession: I have a pair of grass shears with a rotatable head that will do that!
Corollary to the confession: I mostly use them as edgers for keeping the crabgrass off the sidewalk, which I’m pretty sure is an unacceptable plant in dad terms. (As I am not a dad, I think it’s a great plant, its habits of taking over the sidewalk aside: it’s green, and keeps my yard from looking completely dead, which is the alternative.)
“Gullwing, would you like me to pick up some merino sweaters for you at Costco?” – my dad.
That is adorable.
Confession: I’ve not only bought dresses at BJ’s Wholesale Club, but I’ve worn one to a wedding.
Having gone to Costco today, I can assure you that at least 80% of the shoppers are retired dads.
My dad would not be able to buy me merino sweaters at Costco because he would be too busy partaking of all the free samples, and buying Hagen Daaz ice cream bars.
I don’t know if my dad even owns a single sweatshirt, but he owns a lot of coats. A couple light jackets for cool weather and out in public, some for working outside in the yard, one particularly ratty one for oil changes and tire rotations and other dadly car repairs. Medium weight jackets, ditto. Only two or three heavy winter coats; one that can be worn out and about, and one that is bigger so it can be layered over the lighter jackets for shoveling/snowblowing in our cold midwestern winters. Needless to say, there is very little room for any other jackets in the coat closet (and I’ve never seen a coat rack that could hold up under so much weight).
With my dad it’s hats. He has hats for all weather and in all colors. I think he might actually be the only person I have seen regularly wear a fedora who is not actually wearing a crappy trilby.
Your dad is my father-in-law. Every Christmas, his list is 100% fleeces or windbreakers from Eddie Bauer.
Dads: They never replace anything that’s “still perfectly good,” yet they somehow need a new (high-quality, durable) jacket every Christmas. It’s a mystery!
Parka + shorts = dad uniform for taking out trash, warming up the car in snowy weather.
my dad is definitely obsessed with coat weights, and having as many different weights as one can. After all, what if it’s a certain temperature outside and you DON’T have the right weight of coat for it?
Oh and God forbid you ever leave the house without a “just in case” coat of an appropriate weight for how the weather *could* turn. I swear my father can still sense it, Spiderman-style, if I ever leave the house without a jacket. I live in the South, so it’s currently still 100+ degrees out, and I still keep a sweater or hoodie stashed in my purse.
With my dad it’s company jackets. He worked for a construction company for close to 40 years and my god the jackets. Any time I visited I’d have to a final check on my suitcase before I left because SOMEONE would sneak a jacket in there.
Also cheese, but that’s another story.
My father in law tries to send us home with Maytag blue cheese every time we visit for Christmas, whether or not we have a many-hour plane ride with multiple connections ahead of us. We tend to “forget” to bring it home with us a lot (I like blue cheese! but not in my luggage…)
My dad owns approximately enough coats to outfit a battalion. They are, by and large, all green or brown, occasionally black, and if I ever comment on any of them, he finds a me-sized version.
My dad employs a complex layering system involving hoodies, long sleeve shirts and down vests, but rarely wears a full parka. You know it’s seriously winter when he hauls out his parka. Even his head requires a layering system (ball hat and either an earwarmer or toque). He says it’s better to layer because you don’t want to overheat. You can remove or add layers as needed.
He’ll be writing the feature for the November issue: Staying cool while it’s cold.
My Dad went a ball game. Did you know that ballpark beer is $6?! It’s outrageous! So, he only had one.
My dad messaged me from a Cher concert in Toronto (which he was attending with my mother) to note that $15 beer tastes the same as $5 beer. (Beer is more expensive in Canada.) Mind you, my mom messaged me from the same concert to share her amazement that Cher’s fans (a) are a lot of gay men her age (b) wear fun costumes (c) are so nice! Culturally, she is a middle-aged gay man, so I’m not sure what she expected.
DADS AT CONCERTS. My dad texted me a pic of he and my mom and a Billy Joel concert recently. But it was not a selfie, and you could not see the stage in it, so that means they asked a stranger to take a picture of the two of them sitting in some stadium seats smiling like goons!!! It’s far too wonderful to contemplate the how or why.
My dad has been taking a lot of selfies at baseball fields he visits (he is the daddest of dads, after all) and has not figured out how to angle the camera properly. They are all taken straight on, with his head pulled as far back into his neck as he can get it, no smile. Dad! Get someone else to take your picture!
Oh man, I think we might have the same dad.
My dad recently completed his dream-road-trip of all 30 major league ballparks in a single season (with my mom). This is every picture at every ballpark. The only way I can tell where they are is by the baseball cap because he bought a hometown cap (and rooted for the hometown –even when against his own team!) in every park
I have gotten the same pic from my parents from some sporting event (though they also go to Billy Joel concerts). The bland stadium seat background means I don’t feel bad about not remembering where they were.
My dad does not care for boats (he hates swimming and the outdoors), but for some reason he’s been on a beach house kick lately, which started with me getting an email from him, timestamped 3 a.m., with the subject line “Do you like beach houses” and no further content in the body of the message.
Peak Insomnia Dad
My mother does that thing! The thing where she uses the subject line as part of the actual message and the actual body of the email is a direct continuation of the subject line or consists solely of a link, and is sent out of nowhere.
My dad usually doesn’t, but his best friend does (and also emails exclusively in all caps). Maybe it’s catching.
This is just the way my mom emails. She has never, to my knowledge, included text in the body of an email.
That is the only way that my dad emails. Unless it’s about flu shots, in which case the subject says “get a flu shot” and the body says the same thing three more times.
Maybe next he’ll get obsessed with ski lodges, and the email subject wll be “Do you want to build a snowman?”
My dad doesn’t like swimming and hates being on boats, but fortunately he loves sitting on the beach and reading/napping. Especially since being at the beach is a favorite thing my mom has passed down to us. He would definitely enjoy a beach house.
Fall Dad Wardrobe! Anyone else’s Dad a HS teacher? Specifically social studies? My dad dressed just like Mr. Noblet, essentially. Fall meant sweaters over long-sleeve heavy cotton button downs, khakis, and comfy brown shoes (no cowboy boots, is where the two differ). Sometimes one of the many festive ties he sewed himself of quilting cotton, patterned with cows or galaxies or soccer balls.
Now that he’s retired I’m pretty sure the sweaters are still in rotation because Dads and getting rid of perfectly good clothes, but the weekend-only sweatshirts have also migrated to the weekdays.
Is “60!” about ages or the speed limit?
yes. 🙂
haha that is exactly how my dad answers either/or questions!
Oh, I thought temperature!
Road Trip Special: Don’t Forget To Print Out Your Itinerary As Provided By Google Maps, Mapquest And A Third Online Map Service Nobody Else Has Ever Heard Of, Even Though Your Car Has A GPS And You Own A Smartphone With Google Maps On It.
For bonus fun, spend the entire trip comparing the different itineraries and complaining about minor differences between them.
Don’t forget to send the itinerary to everyone you know, complete with everyone’s cellphone and home number, in case SOMETHING happens.
Re: in case something happens – my dad routinely texts my mom “I’m leaving work now” “I’m at the bus station” “The bus should be here in 5 minutes” “I just got on the bus” “Do you want me to pick anything up on my way in? I can get off the bus and walk back to the grocery store” “Okay, I’ll just stay on the bus then” “The bus is at ___ station” “I just got off the bus, I should be home in 5 minutes.”
It drives her insane, which is why he does it.
Every time I think, “I wish my parents knew how to text,” I imagine this scenario and take it back.
My dad refuses to text, but we taught him the voice to text thing, so we occasionally get long, rambling, somewhat incoherent text-translations of his calls. My mom texts CONSTANTLY, with a cheerful disregard for spelling or grammar but a pretty strong emoji game.
My dad will only text using Siri, and then he gets SUPER IRRITATED when Siri fails to perfectly understand his punctuation needs. (We went to a soccer game. The team is the Houston Dash. My mom and I got a lot of texts about whether we had bought the-tickets yet or whether we would want to buy a-jersey or anything, usually followed by texts saying HOUSTON-.)
I have known for a long time that I will become (a female version of) my dad, but this just brought it home to me, terrifyingly.
And keep a book of road maps in the car, just in case!
Maybe I should pull over at that gas station and buy some more maps. Can you really trust what you read on the internet?
And make sure to get a AAA triptik, too!
I got a AAA triptik once (mapquest existed at the time but our phones did not yet have GPS in them) and it was a beautiful thing, far superior to the pocket-robots of today.
My dad is of the opinion that one must go to AAA and get maps for any upcoming trips despite having GPS on his phone and in his new car.
i wonder sometimes about the Dad Internets, because where do they find these online map and other websites no one else has ever heard of before?
My mom’s project for us kids while we were home was to teach my dad to use the GPS installed in his car, or at least Google Maps. I fobbed it off on my sister since she drives regularly and I don’t.
I SEE YOU’VE MET MY DAD.
(also: use a red pen to break up the intended route into increments as determined by the distance theoretically traversed on a full tank of gas. grouse about traffic and weather patterns when your projections do not come to pass.)
This is me. Get off my lawn.
Sweatshirts, and hydration. I am Dad Magazine incarnate.
yeah, knock off a few decades and swap my gender out…this one had me wondering, do I like Dad Magazine so much because I’m truly a DAD(tm) at heart?
i mean, i’m already the keeper of the corny jokes in my household – Mr.Spoon is the despairing straightman to my increasingly roundabout puns. and i’m the one who knows how to use a socket wrench and refuses to buy replacements for what can be “fixed.”
I’m with you. I will go a VERY LONG WAY to deliver a very weak pun.
http://www.zazzle.com/cool_dad_at_heart_sleeveles…
My gift to you
I was telling my friends how my dad took up running and they were 100% sure he’d love a fanny pack for keeping his stuff in while he jogs, and I would tend to agree.
My dad always wore chamois shirts in the fall! Or how about those Dickeys quarter-zips? Anyone?
As we ease on into winter, I think we need a feature on “How to encourage your adult daughter who has lived in the Midwest all her grown days that it is ESSENTIAL to carry chains, your own experience of being stationed in Maryland that one time 50 years ago not being out of date at all, oh no: A guide for Californians and other Southwesterners.”
Also for winter: Traction Grit! (my dad is 100% in favor of kitty litter, but he also carries pieces of cardboard and a spade, just in case)
I hope it’s a collapsible spade from the army surplus!
I have the opposite dad situation — I moved from the northeast to southern california, and my dad requires me to keep at least 2 gallons of water in the trunk at all times “because your car could overheat in that california sun anytime!!!!”
My 2 biggest occupations recently: collecting more Billy Joel cds to nod sagely during in the car, and being confused by Taylor Swift’s instagrams……I seem to be maturing into Dadness at an alarming rate.
Fall fashion: Time to put away the shorts and knee socks with sandals but don’t worry it’ll be summer again before you know it!
My dad lives in Hawaii so he does not wear sweatshirts unless he comes to the mainland (whereupon if the temperature is less than 70 degrees he bundles up like it is winter and asks me to turn on the heat, a total violation of dad protocol.) At home his uniform is shorts, with shirt optional.
But he did just buy a boat. So.
tbh anywhere it’s not humid and less than 70F requires a sweater, although my friends and I did wear shorts with our sweaters in the snow in the UK. Nothing is worth wearing pants.
Beardo and I went camping at a river this past weekend and there were SO MANY DADS and they all wanted to be helpful. My favorite was the Dad who asked Beardo if he wanted a “Power Push” when we were tubing on the river (Beardo accepted, of course, Anonymous Dad would’ve been so disappointed if he’d been turned down).
My parents came and visited my sister and me at our new place a few weeks ago, and almost immediately my dad decided that all our lightbulbs were unacceptable and we needed LED bulbs that would save us tens of dollars a year, so he went to Home Depot and bought them out of his brand of choice, and now everything is SO BRIGHT in the house. (They really are nice bulbs, though, and not cheap, either.)
I just replaced a bunch of the LED bulbs in our house because SO BRIGHT. WHY SO BRIGHT?
Actually, I say *I* did it. Actually it was my partner, who is a dad. He spent like ten minutes rummaging in our Cupboard of Lightbulbs, and somehow miraculously found ones that fit our light fittings (each room is different. Why) and were dimmer/more yellow. Then he changed them, refusing to let me help even by holding things, so he was balancing on a chair holding the light cover and two lightbulbs.
I left the room. When I came back it was cozy and dim. Then I had to tell him like on million times how great it was that he did that. #dad #datingdads
Substitute boat for small industrial chicken plucker and there’s coloneldad. Boat will always remain the pipedream though. Pity the landlocked dad. He may live in Vermont, but his Viking blood is pining for the fjords.
Are there reviews of chicken pluckers on the internet? I know Consumer Reports doesn’t cover them, so how do you know which chicken plucker to get?
Ask around at the feed shop. Apparently that’ll do the trick.
Wait, is that a dad/dog Leap Day William team costume?
Hahahaha! The dad on the cover is actually my dad. My cousin just graduated HS and is headed to University of Delaware this fall. Their colors are blue and yellow, so my Aunt bought a bunch of fun things in blue and yellow to wear in pictures. My dad chose the blue mustache and the tiny hat for the dog. -RR
Love it. Also now I will perpetually assume that the U of Delaware is secretly worshipping Leap Day William.
My dad isn’t thinking of buying a boat. He’s BUILDING a boat. I’m going to have to schedule a casual lurk in the workshop so he can very excitedly tell me all about it.
OK if Dad Magazine were a real magazine and I was the editor every issue would have a fashion spread featuring Tilly hats. Urban Tilly hat! Outdoorsy Tilly hat! Vacation Tilly hat! Casual Tilly hat!
I’m assuming the models would be actual Dads, not models pretending to be Dads, so the editor’s note would include an anecdote about that time something bad happened to Featured Dad’s Tilly, and how it’s okay, it survived/was replaced by the company at no cost and really more places should be like that, don’t you think?
Wait, did they really? My Dad lost his on vacation once and I don’t remember him going on about this! (He also wore them until they were in tatters, is that a replaceable feat?)
http://www.tilley.com/us_en/guaranteed-insured/ Looks like loss is 50%, destruction is 100%.
I just remember the catalog which had dad stories all through it about the hat being eaten by an elephant, etc, washed up clean good as new afterwards, [picture of the Dad and his hat].
(okay, it may not have all been the same story there, probably, but it could have been! This is a dad’s hat! The ultimate in hats. Look at the insurance policy text:
“To claim under the insurance policy – send your Straight-Shooter’s Statement of Loss form, (which should be in the left side of your bottom dresser drawer, if you followed Alex Tilley’s advice)”
my dad has an impressive sweatshirt collection, including a Chicago Bears one that he has worn on Christmas morning for the past 25 years. his current obsession is his “amazing sweatshirt” that has pockets — not a single pocket, like a hoodie, but two pockets on either side.
when asked why he likes it so much, he said “because i can keep the remote in one pocket and snacks in the other!”
my dad has an impressive sweatshirt collection, including a Chicago Bears one that he has worn on Christmas morning for the past 25 years. his current obsession is his "amazing sweatshirt" that has pockets — not a single pocket, like a hoodie, but two pockets on either side.
when asked why he likes it so much, he said "because i can keep the remote in one pocket and snacks in the other!"
I have the opposite dad situation — I moved from the northeast to southern california, and my dad requires me to keep at least 2 gallons of water in the trunk at all times "because your car could overheat in that california sun anytime!!!!"
Wait, did they really? My Dad lost his on vacation once and I don't remember him going on about this! (He also wore them until they were in tatters, is that a replaceable feat?)