A Series of Disappointing Vignettes -The Toast

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Star_Trek_IV_The_Voyage_HomeA visitor from another dimension enjoys his visit until he pours too much milk into his coffee and discovers the second law of thermodynamics.

A James Kirk born in the wrong century works at an Enterprise, but can never fulfill his ache for exploration.

Hester Prynne born two centuries later enjoys the relative freedom of modern living, but elderly male leaders still dictate what is appropriate for her body.

Much to Leia’s annoyance, after his run-in with the Death Star Han Solo wasn’t too keen on the idea of a honeymoon.

Clarissa explained it all, but nobody was listening.

The craft sale allowed her to buy all the supplies she’d needed to fix her models, but she doesn’t know what sale to attend for supplies to fix her relationship.

A tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear. It screams in agony. It calls for help. It lets out a quiet whimper.

Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn, they were all booked and the timing couldn’t be worse.

The Supreme Court rules in favor of allowing religious groups to opt out of any law they don’t like.

A drone has his first independent thought, but can’t remember what it was.

He just wants some whole milk for his morning coffee.

Illuminated only by the light of their screens, they scroll endlessly through their feeds. Neither can find what they’re searching for. What they’re always searching for. What they don’t even know they’re searching for: each other.

He hates ‘labeling things’; she works for Post-it® .

She just wants something that stirs her passion like the hot plate stirs the lab samples.

Legolas is so glad he found Gimli, but he spends the night watch worrying about what his family will think.

When they finally finished the modeling and ran the simulations it revealed only their deepest fears.

It wasn’t that Speedracer couldn’t slow down, but that he wouldn’t; he was afraid his past would catch up with him.

The character pairings at the end of Star Trek: Voyager.

He just really wants someone to play Facebook games with.

She’s only ever seen the first 10 minutes of a Disney movie.

The only limits he ever felt safe enough to push were the ones involving unlimited breadsticks.

After the Joneses, he didn’t think he had it in him to try and keep up with the Kardashians.

“Form of…an equilateral triangle!” For some reason, the Wonder Triplets were never that popular.

Being an engineer, she used to think you could solve any problem with some duct tape and a little WD-40. Turns out she was wrong.

Daniel Ward is a grad student in the Chicago area. You can find him, his anxieties, and his unsolicited opinions on things like the Oxford comma on twitter as @dansdman.

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