A visitor from another dimension enjoys his visit until he pours too much milk into his coffee and discovers the second law of thermodynamics.
A James Kirk born in the wrong century works at an Enterprise, but can never fulfill his ache for exploration.
Hester Prynne born two centuries later enjoys the relative freedom of modern living, but elderly male leaders still dictate what is appropriate for her body.
Much to Leia’s annoyance, after his run-in with the Death Star Han Solo wasn’t too keen on the idea of a honeymoon.
Clarissa explained it all, but nobody was listening.
The craft sale allowed her to buy all the supplies she’d needed to fix her models, but she doesn’t know what sale to attend for supplies to fix her relationship.
A tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear. It screams in agony. It calls for help. It lets out a quiet whimper.
Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn, they were all booked and the timing couldn’t be worse.
The Supreme Court rules in favor of allowing religious groups to opt out of any law they don’t like.
A drone has his first independent thought, but can’t remember what it was.
He just wants some whole milk for his morning coffee.
Illuminated only by the light of their screens, they scroll endlessly through their feeds. Neither can find what they’re searching for. What they’re always searching for. What they don’t even know they’re searching for: each other.
He hates ‘labeling things’; she works for Post-it® .
She just wants something that stirs her passion like the hot plate stirs the lab samples.
Legolas is so glad he found Gimli, but he spends the night watch worrying about what his family will think.
When they finally finished the modeling and ran the simulations it revealed only their deepest fears.
It wasn’t that Speedracer couldn’t slow down, but that he wouldn’t; he was afraid his past would catch up with him.
The character pairings at the end of Star Trek: Voyager.
He just really wants someone to play Facebook games with.
She’s only ever seen the first 10 minutes of a Disney movie.
The only limits he ever felt safe enough to push were the ones involving unlimited breadsticks.
After the Joneses, he didn’t think he had it in him to try and keep up with the Kardashians.
“Form of…an equilateral triangle!” For some reason, the Wonder Triplets were never that popular.
Being an engineer, she used to think you could solve any problem with some duct tape and a little WD-40. Turns out she was wrong.
Tags: daniel ward, disappointments, humor, vignettes
I was really enjoying these until A tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear. It screams in agony. It calls for help. It lets out a quiet whimper and BOOM now I’m unreasonably sad from anthropomorphizing a fucking imaginary tree.
Your sadness sustains me.
Me toooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me toooooooooo also
Surely someone (maybe the author?) has read “The Sound Machine” by Roald Dahl, which scarred me in childhood and has never left me. Basically the plot is that a guy invents a device that allows you to hear the sounds of plants and then, to test it out, listens to grass being mowed, flowers being plucked, and ends up chopping an axe into a tree – basically a nightmare of constant screaming from the environment.
Ugh, I had the same experience in fourth grade, but the one that scarred me for life was his story about the boy being horribly, brutally bullied and then they finally tie him to the train tracks, and he has to survive by lifting his head and legs up as the train roars across his body. “Roald Dahl, that’s for kids, right? Here ya go!”
Was there a swan in this story? I think I read it and was also emotionally scarred.
Oh God, now that you mention it I think there was. Ughhhh.
I hear the screams of the vegetables, served on our tables each night! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov5Jgw_Nwx4
You are not alone.
You are making me chortle today, you. And also cry.
You are a genius.
This took a dark turn incredibly quickly.
Also, no, do not talk to me about pairings at the end of Star Trek: Voyager, I have not finished the series yet and I want to believe it ends with ONLY GOOD THINGS.
*smiles, says nothing*
Legolas is so glad he found Gimli, but he spends the night watch worrying about what his family will think.
That height difference has its advantages, though.
I mean, the Kardashians are notoriously difficult to keep up with. There are so many of them and they keep doing different new and interesting things, so I can see how that would be a struggle.
Those Voyager pairings: word.
YES.
“The Supreme Court rules in favor of allowing religious groups to opt out of any law they don’t like.”
noooooo these aren’t supposed to come so close to actual reality
You could have stopped after #3 and I would have been satisfactorily disappointed.
“She just wants something that stirs her passion like the hot plate stirs the lab samples.” hey hey, slow down there, some of us want nonstop rotating magnetic action and that’s OKAY.
The Supreme Court rules in favor of allowing religious groups to opt out of any law they don’t like.
I suppose that’s sort of like separation of church and state
Nope.
“Form of…an equilateral triangle!” literal LOL!
CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL AND NO ONE IS LISTENING!!!
I nearly tore my stitches crylaughing so hard.
That James Kirk vignette…should be a feature-length film.
If you can dream it, the fic has already been written.
Ha! Awesome/depressing/twisted sitcom idea – Cassandra Explains It All
<img src="http://thechildlikeauthor.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/i-am-sorry-forgive-me.gif">
perfection.
“He hates ‘labeling things’; she works for Post-it® .” I am so happy.