YAY this is one of my favorite things the Toast has ever done, and I'm so glad I got to see it live! Sitting next to Mallory's mom, no less. Also I know I already gushed at you about your shoes, Mallory, but OMG THOSE SHOOOOOES.

Goddamn, Mallory, you are amazing.

Mallory stop being perfect and funny and beautiful and charming and well-dressed and good at public speaking

stop immediately

also your hair is glorious and glossy and thick and how do you do that, mallory, what are your secrets, i must know so that i can consume them all

I WAS THERE

She kicked it off with Dirtbag Teddy Roosevelt and I promptly lost my shit, because he can bench press any American he wants to.

SO JEALOUS of you Toasties who got to experience this in the flesh. And Ms.Ortberg, I love what you're wearing: the form fitting cardigan, the dress, the colours! Yep, stealing this look at the first opportunity.

Oh, and your writing is brilliant, like those shoes. Those beautiful, beautiful shooooes.

That *is* a great dress! And more importantly, the SHOES! I must know how I may procure some!

And of course your reading was BOSS.

It was AMAZING, it was much like standing near the sun for an extended period of time, I walked home with a leftover residue of Inner Purpose and Disdain for Men in my soul.

Mallory honestly- it's so lovely to have female heroes. I didn't get a chance to do the book signing thing (could not buy the book on account of stolen wallet, was too embarrassed to have you sign my Russian textbook), but I lied extensively in order to escape a prior commitment to come to the event and it was absolutely worth it and I will order your book for myself and several of my friends as soon as I can. Thank you for being extremely funny and bright and witty and good. It was really, really wonderful to get to see you in person.

I've been informed by a coworker that the girl standing next to us almost fainted more than a few times while Mallory was speaking. Like literally swooned.

It is becoming super-hard to contain my lady-crush.