Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

Father is gone, Fanny
he died this morning
not on the good couch?
the what?
the good couch
you know how i feel about relations dying on the good couch
that’s for guests only

no no, my love
he died in bed
whose bed?
his bed
oh
that’s all right then
did he have any final silverware for us

final what?
words
final words
silver or words, either one

he asked me to take care of the girls
I was thinking of giving them some hats
or, you know
a hat
they could share it
i’m not made of hats
oh i’m sure your father didn’t mean for you to take care of them hat-wise
you don’t?
darling, think of it like this
we haven’t once set any of your sisters on fire
or struck the youngest one across the face during breakfast-time

that’s a good point
your father would have wanted it this way
also who even knows what he meant by “the girls”
maybe he just meant women in general
maybe he meant me

but there’s only one of you
and we only have a son
well
maybe he meant you should take REALLY good care of me, darling

 

Marianne
Marianne are you coming down for supper
SUPPER IS FOR PEOPLE WHOSE STOMACHS ARE EMPTY
AND MINE IS FULL
OF FEELINGS
I think you should come down for just a minute
I AM WRITING A LETTER TO WILLOUGHBY
but you just sent him a letter this afternoon
I AM WRITING A LETTER WITH LIGHTNING IN THE SKY
this storm is not a letter
IT IS WHEN YOUR HEARTS ARE JOINED WITH TWIN FIRE
LIKE MINE AND WILLOUGHBY’S ARE
Marianne
darling
I don’t want to pry but don’t you think it’s a bit
soon
for you to declare yourself in love
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE PURITY OF OUR LOVE, ELINOR
I just wonder what the two of you have in common
HOW ABOUT EVERYTHING
HOW ABOUT WE BOTH LOVE
TREES
AND FEELINGS
AND WE HATE
ANKLE TWISTING
AND COLONELS
AND QUESTIONS
AND ELINORS

 

Willoughby?
Willoughby!
Willoughby – darling – I can see it’s you across the room
sorry new phone who is this
it’s Marianne
it’s your sweetheart Marianne
and that isn’t a new phone
I can see it in your hands
it’s the same one you used to call me on
sorry old phone who is this
darling, are you joking with me?
sorry new John who is this
what’s going on?
sorry old Marianne who is this

 

listen
i just want you to know
for whatever it’s worth
that i really did love you

I thank you, Willoughby
that does mean a great deal to —
and honestlywilloughby
after i seduced and abandoned that teenage girl
you were for absolutely sure my number one choice of wife
after i left that fifteen-year-old to raise my illegitimate child by herself
you were the respectable woman i wanted to leave her for

oh
i want you to know that
okay
even if we don’t have anything else, i want you to know that much
I see
to be honest i dont even love the woman i DID marry
that Lady Wife or whatever her name is
she’s kind of a real bitch

oh
how unfortunate
like for example
she was super shitty about it when she saw this letter i was writing to you about how i don’t love her but i DO love you
she was entirely shitty about it

$
Select Payment Method

Loading ...

Personal Info

Donation Total: $1.00

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again

(Close this.)