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buffy1Joss Whedon: Inventer Of Feminism Or Literal Hitler?

  • Joss Whedon invented feminism. Before Joss Whedon, every female character on television was crushed to death under the weight of her male co-stars’ heavier paychecks in the second-season finale.
  • Every female character Joss Whedon ever wrote was forcibly impregnated by a demon and brutally murdered, because Joss Whedon hates lesbians.
  • But Warren And The Trio Were –
  • EVERYONE GETS THAT WARREN AND THE TRIO REPRESENTED THE THREAT OF NON-SUPERNATURAL MISOGYNY, YOU DON’T GET CREDIT FOR PICKING UP ON THAT

Joss Whedon Doesn’t Understand What Bisexuality Is 

  • Willow Identifies As Gay And You Are Robbing Her Of Self-Determination Because She Doesn’t Have A “Gold Star”
  • I’d Feel More Comfortable With Willow’s Lesbianism If It Weren’t Sometimes Equated With Drug Addiction, Literal Vampirism, And Megalomania
  • But She Was Clearly In Love With Oz
  • Who Are You To Say What Love Is
  • Dark Willow Was Pretty Hot, Though
  • Yeah, Dark Willow Was Super Hot
  • I’d Watch Dark Willow And Doppelgangland-Era Willow Hook Up If It Weren’t A Patriarchal Fantasy

Spuffy Is Problematic

  • Bangel Is A Child’s Delusion Of What Love Is
  • Spuffy Is Literally Assault
  • Okay But He Felt Really Bad About It And Didn’t Have A Soul

Waif-Fu And Thermodynamics: You Can’t Violate The Law Of Conservation Of Momentum 

Season Six Felt Like Watching My Friends Get Murdered In Slow Motion Right In Front Of Me

  • It Was Worth It For Once More, With Feeling, Though
  • No, It Wasn’t
  • Doublemeat Palace Cancels Out Once More, With Feeling
  • Doublemeat Palace Cancels Out My Childhood

Xander Is The Only Character Who Retains Their Humanity On The Entire Show

  • Xander Is A Greater Monster Than Angelus And Invented “Nice Guy” Syndrome

 Cabin in the Woods Was Okay, Though

  • Yeah, Cabin in the Woods Was Okay

Buffy Started To Falter After Angel Premiered

  • No, Buffy Started To Falter After Firefly Premiered
  • No, Buffy Has Never Faltered And Is Still On The Air
  • Buffy Started To Falter When Angel/Faith/Buffy Came Back
  • Buffy Was Better When It Was A Movie With Kristy Swanson

What If Evil?

  • Dark Willow Straight-Up Flayed a Dude!
  • Extremism In the Pursuit of Love Is No Vice
  • If a Dude Had Flayed Willow, Would We Be Cheering?

Everyone Was Too Hard On Dawn For Being A Regular Human Being

  • Don’t You Dare Try To Retroactively Justify Dawn

Oz vs. Tara

  • Oz Was Boring; Tara Was Too Good For This Sinful Earth
  • Tara Was Boring; Oz Was The Greatest Love Interest In Television History; Remember That Animal Crackers Monologue
  • What About Kenned–
  • SHUT UP ABOUT KENNEDY

Jenny Calendar And Race-Bending 

Is It Important That Buffy Is Decidedly Not Book Smart?

  • Not Everyone Is Book Smart, That Is Elitist
  • Buffy is the Lady Channing Tatum of being Body Smart and That Is Sufficient
  • It Is a Tremendous Problem and Girls Should Not Watch This Show Or They Will Not Take College Seriously

I Shouldn’t Have To Watch Angel In Order To Appreciate Cordelia’s Growth As A Character

Shaming: Everyone Is Shamed

  • “Beer Bad” Is Slut-Shaming
  • “Beer Bad” Is Substance-Shaming and Preachy
  • “Beer Bad” Is Just a Terrible Episode
  • Angel Losing His Soul After He Has Sex With Buffy is Slut-Shaming
  • THE EPISODE WHERE WILLOW ATTENDS THE WICCAN MEETING IS WICCAN-SHAMING WICCANS ARE REAL WE ARE NOT YOUR PUNCHLINE

KENDRA’S ACCENT THOUGH 

  • Was It Irish Sometimes, Or Was That Just Me?
  • Her Accent is Perfect, and Not To Be Questioned

Activating All Potential Slayers Was An Act Of Patriarchal Violence

  • Slaying Is Empowering
  • No, Slayers Were Literally Created When A Woman Of Color Was Forcibly Invaded By A Demonic Essence
  • Oh, Right
  • But Then They Get To Beat Up Everybody
  • Dark Willow Straight-Up Flayed a Dude
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