What To Expect When You’re Expecting, By Shirley Jackson -The Toast

With grateful thanks to Toast reader Alicia for the idea.

Chapter 1: Before You Conceive

Conditions Of Absolute Reality
Remember To Use Stones • Stand By Yourself Against The Hills • Are You Walking Toward Something You Should Be Running Away From?

Chapter 2: Just What’s Inside Of You?

God! Whose Hand Were You Holding?
Strangers Have So Much To Be Afraid Of • A Pretty Sight, A Lady With A Book • She Wants Her Cup Of Stars

Chapter 3: Mother, Mother, I’m Coming, I’m Coming, Mother, Just A Minute Mother, Mother, Stop Banging On The Walls, Mother I’m Coming, Mother Mother ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ

On The Moon We Speak A Soft, Liquid Tongue
Look Down On The Dead Dried World • A Huge Cloud Of Looming Nothingness • There’s No One Here Named Charles

Chapter 4: Some Of Us Take Very Little Sugar

Find Something Else To Bury Here
Teeth And Colored Stones • The Pressing Occupations Of Growing And Dying • Here Is A Treasure For You To Bury

Chapter 5: It Could Be Born A Werewolf

A Path You Followed Once Before In Happiness
The only person in the world you have left to hate, now that your mother is dead, is your sister. You dislike your brother-in-law and your five-year-old niece, and you have no friends.

Chapter 6: You Can’t Help It When People Are Frightened

Children Growing Up Like Mushrooms In The Dark
Don’t Stay At The Lake After Labor Day • Huddle Up And Wait • This Man Is Not Your Husband But A Beautiful Stranger, Who For Some Unknown But Perfectly Logical Reason, Has Come To Take His Place

Chapter 7: My Mother Was The First Cat

No One Lives Any Nearer Than Town
No One Else Will Come Any Nearer Than That • The Small Sweet Bones • The Third Baby’s The Easiest • People Are Starting To Come Apart

Chapter 8: Eat The Year Away

God! Whose Hand Were You Holding?
God! Whose Hand Were You Holding? • God! Whose Hand Were You Holding? • God! Whose Hand Were You Holding?

Chapter 9: Nothing Is Ever Really Wasted But You Have Let More Time Go By

Now We Are Going To Have A New Noise
In ten years I will be a beautiful charming lovely lady writer without any husband or children but lots of lovers and everyone will read the books I write and want to marry me but I will never marry any of them. I will have lots of money and jewels too.

Chapter 10: Put Death In Their Food And Watch Them Die

Put Your Hands Around Her Neck And Pinch
Fear Makes Strangers Of Friends • Buy Her A Rocking-Horse And A Doll And A Million Lollipops • See Something Beyond The Faces Of Your Children

Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me? • Why don’t they stop me?

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

Add a comment

Comments (31)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

+59 Vote up Vote down

sausagedog 127p · 506 weeks ago

The careful use of punctuation and small caps in chapter 3's title sent chills down my spine. I would read this whole book, and then finish late at night, and then notice a stirring fullness in my viscera and the absence of my menses. But I'd know what to expect.

What To Expect When You’re Expecting, By Shirley Jackson

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

Forgot password?

Comments (31)

Post a new comment