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The Fall Of The House Of Usher

RODERICK: Somehow I knew we had buried Madeline alive
NARRATOR: Wait, really?
RODERICK: I’ve been hearing her scratching at the walls of her coffin for days
NARRATOR: Should we go get her, or dig her up, or…?
RODERICK: no
read me that dragon story again

 

The Cask Of Amontillado

MONTRESOR: I have had it up to here with how many times Fortunato has hurt my feelings
it’s time to bury him alive instead of ever saying I don’t like it when he does that
FORTUNATO: but what have I done to deserve this
MONTRESOR: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID
my family crest is of a nobleman who can’t take a joke
we have two methods of dealing with insults:
1) never say a word about how we feel and just silently stew
2) bury someone alive
FORTUNATO: Truly, I have no idea –
MONTRESOR: well maybe you’ll have some time to think about it after I wall you up in my wine cellar

 

The Black Cat

NARRATOR: I feel like the cat thinks I drink too much
NARRATOR’S WIFE: oh, well, it’s just a cat, so –
NARRATOR: look at him
judging me
I don’t have a problem
I’m going to MURDER EVERYBODY, that’s how much of a drinking problem I don’t have

 

The Masque Of The Red Death

NOBLEMAN: My Lord, how shall we ever escape the plague that is sweeping the land –
PROSPERO: COLOR PARTYYYYY

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