By S. Bear Bergman

S. Bear Bergman is an author, editor, storyteller, publisher and loudmouth.

  1. Dear Bear, So there’s a boy, and I really really like him, and I’ve liked him a while, and he likes me back in a kind of getting married-like way, though we’re not engaged. But we’ve talked about “our life” as though it’s assured going forward. He’s from a family that’s like my family in various ways, and there’s a lot of expectation and positivity. It’s clear that if I marry him I will be…

    42 comments
  2. Dear Bear, How do I move on from thinking life is miserable to actually enjoying the happiness I have found? I spent much of my teens sitting in my room with the company of power ballads like Heart’s Alone, progressing to the angsty grunge of the '90s and then the lesbian cliche of Indigo Girls. These songs were comforting and confirmed my view that life is lonely and full of sadness. I battled my way…

    17 comments
  3. Previous Ask Bear columns for The Butter can be found here. If you have a question for Bear, The Butter's advice columnist, send it along to asking.bear@gmail.com.   Dear Bear, I had a thing with a boy. In the way that one does sometimes. To make a long story short it turned out that he wanted more from the situation than I was willing to give, something he made clear via a…

    42 comments
  4. Previous Ask Bear columns for The Butter can be found here. If you have a question for Bear, The Butter's advice columnist, send it along to asking.bear@gmail.com. Dear Bear, I’m married and 29. My wife and I have been married for five years but together since college. Our marriage is pretty good. We like doing a lot of the same things, she’s very cute still. Sometimes it feels like we’re playing the…

    61 comments
  5. Previous Ask Bear columns for The Butter can be found here. If you have a question for Bear, The Butter's advice columnist, send it along to asking.bear@gmail.com. Dear Bear, I really like your column, and it makes me want to ask you a million questions. What should I do about my shitty landlord – move or sue? Should I quit my job and go back to school to study art history and…

    15 comments
  6. Dear Bear, I help too much. I can't stop. It crops up in all kinds of ways, but the bottom line is that I am constantly giving too much help. Too much as in more than is wanted sometimes, too much as in more than I can afford (time or money or both) some other times. People feel like I don't have confidence in them. Or sometimes they take advantage. Or sometimes I am supposed…

    58 comments
  7. Previously: Ask Bear: Is This a Good Idea? If you have a question for Bear, The Butter's new advice columnist, send it along to asking.bear@gmail.com. Dear Bear, I pled guilty to a non-violent drug crime and am now facing 6-12 months in federal prison. The good news is that in my case, there is no mandatory minimum sentencing and I have many people willing to write character letters on my behalf, so there is a…

    27 comments
  8. “Dear Bear,” (you have written me. Dozens of you have written to me. And the body of the email that makes up over half of your responses from my initial callout for questions goes more or less like this:) “Circumstance, circumstance, mitigating circumstance, qualifying statement, bitterly detached acknowledgement. Hopeful note, damning detail, hopeful note, statement of pure fresh stupid optimism. "So ultimately, I guess my question is: is this a good idea? Is it okay…

    18 comments