Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And everyday the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And the apples stained his mouth a strange color and it wasn't green and it wasn't red and the stain wouldn't go away no matter how much…

Fall is a very busy time of year when it comes to getting upset about flavors. There is no shortage of opinions on pumpkins, or whether turkey is any good, or how to properly sauce a cranberry. Meanwhile, apples have been getting a free pass from food writers for years. "Oh, an apple," people exclaim vaguely when presented with one. "That's good, somehow." Apples are monstrous. They are monstrous when they come pre-sliced and pre-doused…