Food Trolling

  1. 1. For a really superior cup of tea, you can slice open a teabag (I find that scissors work best) and pour the contents directly into your mug. This is called "loose leaf" tea, and it's a pretty neat trick when you want to show off in front of guests. 2. Always pour the milk in first. If you're drinking Earl Grey, the ratio should be at least two parts milk to one part tea.

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  2. "Wait until I make you one of my delicious kale smoothies," someone wrote on the Google doc our group of volunteers had filled out so we could take turns delivering food to an acquaintance in the hospital. Of course a person having a major health crisis lying in a sickbed is the perfect candidate for a kale smoothie: too weak to swat the proffered drink away, perhaps dehydrated and desperate enough to try to take…

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  3. We need to have a serious conversation about this. I only want to help you. I also get a lot of emails from Feel the Burn-ers asking me how to cook meat, because I eat a ton of meat, and seem like someone who knows how to cook it (you are correct). First up, if you are a vegan or a vegetarian, you already do not buy boneless skinless chicken breasts, so this does…

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  4. There is a disturbing and pernicious mass delusion floating about that the Chipotle restaurant chain is a good place to get food -- that customers should go out of their way to get more of Chipotle's food from Chipotle -- that maximizing the amount of Chipotle-borne roughage inside of a foil packet is a desirable way to behave. I cannot possibly let this stand. I will not get into issues of authenticity and who does or does not…

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  5. I hesitated, at first, to even write this. The Nations of the Commonwealth have, it must be admitted, suffered enough when it comes to culinary reputations. There is no need for a pile-on. And they have suffered, at times, unjustly: New Zealand has wonderful butter and lamb. I hold myself second to none in my devotion to sticky toffee pudding. Poutine is a remarkable dish and the Canadians are to be commended for it. The…

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  6. Previously: apples are terrible. Something that seems intrinsic to the human condition is the need to periodically create slideshows of healthy snacks. I do not know why this is the case, but the same eight fistfuls of food regularly make the Internet rounds at least a few times a year. You and I could all name them in our sleep: the two dice' worth of cheese cubes, some thick-ass yogurt, the palm-sized serving of…

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  7. Fall is a very busy time of year when it comes to getting upset about flavors. There is no shortage of opinions on pumpkins, or whether turkey is any good, or how to properly sauce a cranberry. Meanwhile, apples have been getting a free pass from food writers for years. "Oh, an apple," people exclaim vaguely when presented with one. "That's good, somehow." Apples are monstrous. They are monstrous when they come pre-sliced and pre-doused…

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