As you know, I spend an immoderate amount of time trawling Wikimedia Commons for old-timey paintings what I can crack jokes on, so I've seen my fair share of imperfectly-rendered animals, but this one here has taken the majority of my cakes.
I had never, before this week, regretted the fact that I was too young to really follow Princess Diana's story; she died when I was eleven and my awareness of her life's work was vague and mushy at best. Blonde lady, lived in England, real sad, land mines. Frankly, I was more interested in checking to see whether my favorite PG-rated multi-part fan fiction about Hanson had been updated (if memory serves, the author trailed…
Candy Kong - Donkey Kong's rumored girlfriend. I was so sure she was his cousin. I have no idea why. But yes, okay, I can buy into that relationship. Chunky Kong - Kiddy Kong's older brother, Dixie and Tiny Kong's cousin. This seems reasonable. Cranky Kong - Wrinkly Kong's widower and elder of the Kongs. He is the original "Donkey Kong" from the 1981 arcade game of the same name. WHAT HOW IS CRANKY KONG THE ORIGINAL DONKEY…
I do not remember offhand what I was doing for the entirety of 2004; playing a bit of indifferent tennis on the William Fremd frosh/soph high school team, to be sure; carefully nursing a hallway crush that necessitated careful class-navigation strategizing; rollerblading to Subway with my friend Emily a lot, because we both really enjoyed Subway. I think I worked at Portillo's that summer, but I can't be entirely certain. What I most assuredly was not…
