Where’s Ombré

by Haley Crain · July 3, 2013

fashion complaints of a cheapass

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Haley Crain

Haley Crain

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138 Comments

  1. halleloujah +16

    Word on the butt confusion, but mullet dresses are a delight! If ya get one a little too long, it trails behind & you can pretend you’re a glamorous queen for the day despite it costing $15 from Forever 21.

    1. 1sic1 +12

      Totally. I have no butt, so the whole butt confusion works in my favor: is that a butt I see? Could be!

  2. icebergmama +6

    Fuck you, I love both of these trends! I have two perfect mullet dresses from Target that make my ass look AMAZING because they’re made out of some kind of magical clingy jersey. The front hits mid thigh and the back is just below the knee.

    Ok but I really love your drawings though.

    1. mbculver +7

      I have a junior mullet dress from Banana or Ann Taylor that hits just above knee in front and maybe 6-8 inches longer in the back. I walk around my office in it fighting the urge to twirl and sing “There must be more than this provincial life…”

      And yes, it makes my butt look awesome.

      1. haleycrain +9

        Okay hey, cease and desist, stop looking so fly in your mullet dresses. You are encouraging Target to ONLY HAVE MULLET DRESSES.

        1. icebergmama +6

          I am definitely down with hating on the gauzy top-skirt on top of actual skirt though, that looks stupid.

  3. noodge4lyfe +5

    ombre hair is such a funny thing. I thought it just looked like grown out roots, but NO I’ve been ASSURED that it’s an actual hair color process.

    But I haven’t dyed my (super short on the sides, long on top) hair in months, and people keep telling me they love my ombre hair. soooooo…

    1. aekessler +4

      Perfect for the lazy people who can’t bother to go to a salon. We’re inadvertently stylish!

    2. Red +5

      somebody the other day to me was all “is this what ombre is?! it looks so good!” and I’m like “yeah it’s just grown out roots THANKS THOUGH! :D”

      whoever it was that was like “I’m going to make grown out roots happen with a fancy name” I THANK YOU.

    3. fondue with cheddar +1

      That’s what I thought! I remember watching Dexter and thinking Deb’s growing-out-roots were some kind of statement about how she’s being lazy about her appearance or something. Then I realized it was a Thing.

      (I’m not knocking people who let their roots grow out, because when I dyed my hair I was one of those people.)

  4. TheRenleigh +25

    I don’t like mullet dresses because they’re like maxis but you have to shave your legs, and that lack of leg-shaving is why I love my collection of maxi dresses. Also, I have multiple skull-print scarves from Target and I love them all, so clearly you are a woman of good taste and I want to hear (see?) more of your fashion opinions.

      1. 1sic1 +72

        Ombré your leg hair (light on the front of the legs, then darker towards the back).

        1. icebergmama +2

          we need a LOL button as well as the thumbs up, because this comment nearly made me spit coke on my keyboard!

          1. 1sic1 +2

            Seriously, it’s fashion’s next big thing. It would take Pinterest by storm.

      2. TheRenleigh +2

        That’s basically the only part of my legs I shave anyway, partially because I have a bald patch on the back and partially because I’m lazy.

          1. TheRenleigh +6

            No! I am eternally grateful that I have one part of my body that is exempt from the otherwise crazy hair situation I have going on. Though my actual favorite thing about it is that everyone on my mom’s side of the family has it. We first noticed it on my uncle’s otherwise hairy legs and soon after discovered that it was apparently a shared genetic trait.

          2. mbculver +5

            I keep waiting for all the hairs that I shave, pluck and wax to give up in despair after all these years…BUT THEY DON’T. They are freakishly persistent.

        2. fondue with cheddar +3

          I hate shaving my legs / am lazy, so I just wear pants all year.

  5. EPWordsnatcher +9

    I made an ombre cake recently. For a wedding.
    I stand behind my cake decisions!

      1. EPWordsnatcher +3

        There are very dedicated people who make the different layers different gradients of color, but I just did a gradient on the frosting. Here’s a picture of it! Ombre cake!

          1. EPWordsnatcher +1

            Thanks! Chocolate cake up top and vanilla below. It was pretty damn edible, if I do say so myself.

      2. EPWordsnatcher +1

        Here is one done by someone more dedicated than I, with both ombre inside AND outside: Blue ombre cake! Fancy! Mine didn’t turn out as OMBRE as I was thinking it would but you get the idea. I am generally more in favor of ombre cake than ombre hair or doggies.

        1. EPWordsnatcher +6

          Also I do not think “mullet cakes” are a thing (please no one correct me, I’ll end up having to make one for someone) so that helps too.

  6. anxious mofo +7

    I definitely own multiple items that originated in Target but were obtained at Goodwill. My sister, supreme mistress of thrift shopping, she of the actual McQueen scarves found in Salvation Army (probably), laughs incredulously.

    Also is this the place to confess that I bought a romper (from Target not Target-via-Goodwill) and I love it??

    1. anachronistique +7

      Man, you do what you do, but I have never understood the appeal of the romper/jumpsuit style. HOW DO YOU PEE? Do you just have to get almost all the way undressed?

      1. anxious mofo +6

        Yeah basically. I don’t get it either but for some reason I like it. It has pockets! /low standards

        1. Abanthis +3

          In fairness, it’s really fucking difficult to find clothes with decent pockets (oh jeans pockets too small for even my phone, let alone purse, why do you mock me?) so I reluctantly salute your solution.

    2. aekessler +3

      My sister is the master of getting expensive things from Goodwill. People ask her to take them with her. She knows all the tricks. It’s kind of awesome.

    3. cherrispryte +9

      I have a romper from old navy that looks like an old-timey bathing costume and it is my single favorite piece of clothing.

      1. anxious mofo

        I want both this romper and also an old-timey bathing costume (been watching too much Boardwalk Empire).

  7. anachronistique +30

    My sister took an old ombre skirt of mine and turned it into a hi-lo skirt. She is your worst nightmare.

  8. supernintendo +11

    Oh I haaaate the mullet skirts so much. I can’t believe that caught on in mainstream fashion. The worst is that now when I’m shopping, I think I’ve found a cute maxi dress but nope. Just a cute dress ruined by an offensive skirt affectation.

    1. haleycrain +9

      This is exactly my problem. Not simply their EXISTENCE, but their INFILTRATION of my cheapass Target shopping experience.

      1. Site_for_Soris +1

        yes, and I get the feeling with so many of these trends that ladies just assume they look good because they’re everywhere. the mullet skirts/dresses make me want to go everywhere with shears just to finish the job these half-assed tailors botched.

    2. romastrega +3

      Yes! I have been TRICKED by too many skirts in this way! Deceptive shopping! Nefarious skirts! I banish theeeeeee!

    3. onamission5 +1

      Mullet skirts with gladiator sandals is a thing I have seen that I never wish to see again.

  9. lyetteann +15

    But what if your butt actually is down to your ankles? Wouldn’t a mullet skirt be your best friend then?

    2. practical cat +5

      No because you could then totally still see your butt through the front. You’d want to go full-on maxi, I think.

  10. Rayray +1

    I enjoy this. I cut out my ombré 2 months ago and it’s nice to be free. I will never be down with mullet skirts, although that’s an excellent name for them.

  11. victorytasteslikehashbrowns +8

    all butt locations are good butt locations
    The Toast speaketh the truth!
    (Though my butt is also resentful of mullet skirts.)

  12. Red +6

    I really like the idea of “mullet skirts” in theory but as a person with long legs, they reeeeally don’t work for me. they are always way too short in the front. awkwardly short. this barely covers my junk short.

    2. haleycrain +10

      1. I think H&M choose their playlist specifically to drive old people away
      2. I think it’s starting to work on me

      1. anowlindaylight +8

        I don’t know if H&M WANTS me to take a bunch of molly before I go in there, but I feel like it does.

  14. mamacitaconpistoles +6

    It’s okay, Haley. As long as you don’t call the water fountain a bubbler, you’re in the clear.

    The mullet skirt confuses me too because you can see the inside seams of the skirt. Also, I am on team but.. but… leg shaving?!

        1. justsayjolie +12

          “Bubblahs” actually. Also I like how we seem to automatically get an upthumb just for commenting. That seems so perfectly Toastish!

          1. bgprincipessa +4

            Ah, okay, the more you know!
            My exact response was going to be “you mean bubblah?” but you beat me to it, so.

            Yes, it seems like everyone gets an automatic 1! Unless you haven’t registered an account, I guess, because there are some random 0’s and that seems to be the common denominator.

          2. justsayjolie +3

            Another one that didn’t show up on those regional terms/slang maps was ‘tonic’ for soda/pop/coke/soda pop. Like, ‘orange tonic’ ‘grape tonic’ ‘goin’ down to the packie to get a tonic’ etc. I definitely remember it being used commonly in Boston when I was growing up, though it may be almost entirely lost now. I don’t know, though I suspect yes, if it’s used in other parts of New England too.

          3. mbculver +1

            I live in the ‘burbs and work in Cambridge, and I haven’t heard ‘tonic’ in years. Which is a tragedy. I blame infiltration by blow-ins like me.

          4. justsayjolie +1

            I’m glad someone else remembers tonic! Let’s work on bringing it back, yes?

          5. mbculver +3

            On it.

            Doing my part to keep ‘packie’ alive too. That’s a CT thing too – when I was in college there, we would make packie runs at 7.30 on Friday nights, because the CT packies close at 8.

          6. anachronistique +4

            My friend still says “tonic” mostly because he doesn’t want to let it die – his family is from central Mass. (He also always says “packie” and has a vintage Hartford Whalers hat. He’s my favorite.)

          9. mamacitaconpistoles +2

            I can’t figure out how to write that so you can hear the WI pronunciation. Maybe they are actually different words, because I tell you what, it doesn’t sound like “bubblahs!”

        1. bgprincipessa +1

          Wisconsin & Australia?! You’re all lying to me. The only person I have ever heard use the term was my roommate from RI, and most people have no idea what it is when she says it…

          1. wisco_disco +5

            It actually originates from Wisconsin–The Bubbler was a brand of drinking fountain put out by Kohler, which is headquartered there.

      3. midnightfarmer +4

        Here in Wisconsin you drink from a bubbler and throw pennies in a water fountain.

  15. anelga +5

    My butt is too close to the ground to carry off a mullet skirt – it would just look like an ordinary skirt with a weird train that was dragging all over the ground for some reason.

  16. lizardjellybean +8

    My issue with mullet skirts is the opposite! People will always know where my butt is. It’s a very present feature. But as soon as you make the skirt shorter in the front, it makes me look like I’m a billion months pregnant and my stomach is pulling my dress up.

  17. ZouBisouBisou +15

    Haley Crain, I stand with you on both of these important issues! Also, kudos on the perfectly illustrated ombré dog’s butt.

  18. tekkah +4

    I can’t abide the mullet skirt, but my SIL loves them. She says “they’re so fun and flowy!” and I say “pah just buy a short one or a long one, what is this indecision skirt.”

    I have also never been a fan of sheer long skirts over short opaque skirts, so… perhaps there is a common source of skirt-related feelings in my mind.

    I love ombre, though, especially for hair — I think it looks really cool. I also think it’s kind of a nice way to pretend that “I grew out my roots and didn’t feel like touching them up for half a year so now it’s halfway down my head” was done on purpose.

    1. Abanthis +3

      Pah, long skirts provide the flowy feeling AND you don’t have to bother about leg shaving. I once spent far too much on a skirt from Monsoon purely because wearing it felt like being a mermaid.

  19. haleycrain +71

    ladies i think u and your butt locations are beautiful send me pics i am real man who appreciates real lady

  20. Rayray

    I enjoy this. I cut out my ombré 2 months ago and it’s nice to be free. I will never be down with mullet skirts, although that’s an excellent name for them.

  21. cherrispryte +12

    I think I would like mullet skirts more if they were more ruffly? Like, in a “hoisting up my petticoat to display my lovely legs” sort of way, but I have only seen one of those and it was both not in my size and egregiously expensive.

    Also, I am going to have “Whatever happened to André/Ombré” stuck in my head all day now.

    2. daisymap +6

      Sort of Victorian Moulin Rouge Good Time Flamenco Girl In A Western Movie thing? Off the shoulder top and a half-up hairdo? Flicky when you kick up your heels?

        1. EPWordsnatcher +3

          YES. This is actually the foundation of the steampunk outfit I’ve been building in my head for years. It also involves a mohawk and a ridiculous hat.

  22. cdive +4

    Ahahaha I literally found out that these skirts were a thing when I made the mistake of going into H&M last night. It was a gauzy black and white mullet skirt covered in giant Day of the Dead skulls, and it was hideous. But it turns out that I’m about a thousand years old, so don’t take fashion advice from me.

    2. Brunhildenburg +3

      Haaaa! That is exactly what I think of every time I see one of these.

  25. nicki +2

    Haley I hope you haven’t been gone from GA too long to hate on the gradient license plates with me.

    No no, it’s not just making my new car ugly, it’s *pumpkin ombré.*

    1. haleycrain +3

      Oh god are those the ones they had people VOTE on? And all of the choices were bad but people managed to choose an ESPECIALLY bad one?? I didn’t care one way or the other when my mom insisted I get a Georgia bulldog vanity plate but now I feel pretty good about it. By the way HI NICKI!!!

      1. toetappinglytragic +1

        HI!!!! Exactly. There’s a plainer second option, but Gwinnett County was kind enough to send me the gross one without asking what I wanted anyway. I might have to become a vanity plate person now.

    2. practical cat +9

      I’m really upset right now because apparently I’m at a point in my life where I’m google image searching “georgia license plate”

  27. EnchiladaTaco +7

    And now I need to go watch that season of PR again. “Wherrrre’s Annnnnnndre?”

      1. lyetteann +4

        Santino doing “Closer” in Tim Gunn’s voice will forever be my favorite PR moment EVER.

  28. I smell bread. +24

    Important consideration re: mullet skirts!

    You are essentially wearing a short skirt, at least in the front, but your butt-skin never has to touch strange seats in public.

    1. runlolorun +2

      Whoa. I never thought about it like that! Mullet skirts suddenly sound…practical?

    3. haleycrain +8

      WHOA @SenaAktaGamat you need to stop rocking my entire belief system because that does sound great

    4. Kim +2

      My mind is completely blown and slightly changed on mullet skirts! (But only slightly. I don’t think that I’ll run out and buy one just yet.)

    6. TARDIStime +4

      Also: when you bend over to pick stuff up off the ground – no need to worry about flashing.

      Also: long mullet shirts are great if you like wearing them with leggings. Your butt is covered, so no need to worry about VPL or people seeing through your leggings to your underwear pattern. This is my preferred travel outfit b/c COMFY. I also always make sure to wear seamless, patternless underwear at all times, anyway, just in case – this is my version of Adulting.

    7. automaticdoor +3

      This is the truest truth. Holy crap. DC Metro seats are forever separated from my butt.

  31. lindackerite +1

    I love everything about this while also kinda loving the high-low trend. (Perhaps because both the high and the low are okay lengths for me as a short person (TM) and all “regular” skirt lengths are knee/calf length sans modification?)

    I think I might need the experts to weigh in on if mullet dresses/skirts are more acceptable if they are all one fabric and aren’t that weird tight short skirt with whispery polyester layered on top. Please say yes?

    I can’t get behind ombre personally…but you do you.

  32. aliisyourfriend +1

    Someone please photoshop a picture of a person in an ombre mullet dress with an ombre mullet haircut. I think that might just circle back around the awfulness wheel until it gets to fabulous.

  33. Sarah +1

    I always thought ombre was the Spanish word for man. What are you talking about? ALSO–yes to everything here. I’m your new most devoted reader. WELL DONE!

  34. practical cat +7

    AREN’T THE BACK OF YOUR LEGS TOO WARM? WHY ARE THEY SO COLD THAT THEY NEED EXTRA FABRIC THAT THE FRONTS OF YOUR LEGS DON’T?

  35. cheneymeaghan +2

    This is hilarious. I’m pretty sure I have that scarf from target, and I hate my sister’s crazy skirt.

  36. roxythroatpunch +1

    This post got me thinking about my hair appointment next week and has led me to wonder how terrible an idea it would be to do this to my hair. Am I too old for such trendy nonsense? (I am 32 and have a toddler, which I feel like makes me older somehow.)

    …I’m not sure that’s what the post was actually going for, though.

    1. automaticdoor +2

      I think that is pretty! (For the record, I am 26 and have fairly conventional hair with an unintentional ombre thanks to growing out haircolor about two-three shades lighter than my roots. We’re halfway grown out now! People compliment me on it!)

  39. Kim

    I honestly thought for awhile that everyone had gotten as lazy as me when I used to dye my hair. I’d see big bloggers with this multi-colored hair and think that in between changing out of their yoga pants into something more picture-appropriate and editing their photos, they must actually be really,really busy, too busy to even stop at the salon or buy a box of hair dye.

    And the mullet skirts, yuck. I bought a shirt and didn’t really pay much attention and it’s mullety. I’m incredibly sad because it’s a really cute shirt aside from it’s mulletness. Sometimes I consider making it all one length, but I kind of like the way that it covers my butt.

  40. Frenz_lo +10

    Ombré hair is recession hair. It’s lower maintenance than regular ‘lights, and it can last a really long time. The natural precedent for it, other than grown-out roots, is the natural lightning that occurs on the ends of long hair. You see it on little kids a lot, and like most little kid hair color, it is both beautiful and UTTERLY WASTED on those little jerks.

  41. flimflannery +1

    I think I just realized that this is a play on Projet Runway’s “WHERE’S ANDRE?”. yiss.

  42. Bella

    I volunteered at a concert the other night and I was SO GLAD I had seen this 🙂 Beyond making me laugh , I felt so knowledgeable as the mullet skirts (each accessorized with cowboy boots, talk about a fashion statement!) swished by. Now what do they call the strapless tops attached to the strapless sleeves that start around the elbow?