Better Wedding Announcements -The Toast

Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

The bride and groom met outside of a singles yoga class; they were both too embarrassed to go inside.

The groom’s father is the head of cardiology at Cedars Sinai; his mother is a professional clogger and performs with the senior dance troupe The Clogged Arteries.

The groom is a semi-professional hockey player. The bride is a dental implant artist.

The brides are both Olympic athletes. Helen set records in the shot put; Greta in the javelin. The bouquet toss will be held outside the reception hall in a nearby soccer field.

The couple met at the state fair, waiting in line for the bungee swing. Their friends abandoned them at the last minute due to nerves; the ride operator brought them together to even out the weight for their ride. The operator has been invited to the wedding.

The couple had originally planned to recite poetry, but opted instead to have matching piercings done at the ceremony.

The father of the bride is a podiatrist and has made custom orthotics for the couple on their big day.

The groom is a conceptual artist, and proposed by scratching “Will You Marry Me?” on the side of her car and lit a flaming heart on the hood. The best man is an auto body painter.

The mother of the bride is a cake decorator, however; the couple opted for pies at the reception. The bride’s mother plans to make a wedding cake in protest – banana cake with burnt almond frosting.

The mother and father of the bride are entomologists. The groom’s parents own a fleet of pest-control franchises. The couple have chosen to elope and will hold a reception at a later date.

During the karaoke portion, the bridesmaids performed a touching rendition of “This Boy,” by The Beatles. The groomsmen responded with a heart-felt performance of “In Your Eyes,” by Peter Gabriel. The bridesmaids returned with an a-cappella version of Pachelbel’s Canon in D, after which the groomsmen accepted defeat by performing “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain and Tennille.

The bride and groom partake in Civil War re-enactments; she portrays a battlefield nurse and he portrays an infantryman. They met when he “suffered” an “injury” on the battlefield. She “tended” to his “wounds” and they made a date for after the “war” was over.

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again