149 Comments

  1. icebergmama +3

    Started watching Orange is the New Black; the scene with her on the toilet in the first episode BLEW MY MIND. Is that how everyone wipes? Am I Being A Lady wrong?

    1. dianeleighshipley +2

      Oh, I wasn’t paying close enough attention! I guess I have to go back and check. Toilets aside, this show is seriously the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.

      1. anninyn +2

        Should I be watching it, then? People keep telling me to, but I am often contrary.

        But, my husbands out tonight and all I’ll do tonight is read up on old internet drama and eat otherwise.

        1. dianeleighshipley +2

          YES! (Unless this makes you not want to, in which case NO!). I really thought it was going to be overhyped and disappointing (*cough* House of Cards) but it’s really great.

          1. anninyn +2

            Hmmmmmm

            hmmmm

            well, it’s on netflix. If I get bored of Cassie Clare drama and snarky reviews of awful books, I shall give it a try.

          3. lyetteann +6

            I managed to insult Cassie Claire to a friend of hers today. Ha ha ha…I’m awesome. (I didn’t back down, though.)

          4. anninyn +2

            I will never back down, even when published. I won’t be rudem bu a simple statement that she’s a plagiarist and I don’t think her work is good should be enough.

          5. Angelan_ +4

            I miss Fandom Wank. I bet there’s years of good Cassie Claire drama I’ve missed because no-one writes nice roundups anymore.

          6. anninyn +2

            It’s a sad world when the drama writers move on, isn’t it?

            I guess it jsut gets too much for them.

            Though, if you’re into writer drama, I’m gonna tip you a name to google It’s a rabbit hole, though. You have been warned.

            Ready?

            Nickolaus Pacione

    3. Linette +3

      NO. I know ladies who wipe from the front and from the back, but I have never seen anyone LEAN SIDEWAYS to wipe. I think it likely has to do with the camera angle. They wanted the shot of her being vulnerable on the toilet, but any other method of wiping probably looked weird on camera somehow.

    4. roxythroatpunch +3

      I was for real just thinking about this yesterday and then decided I was crazy. But also…I don’t know – I’ve never actually talked to any other ladies about how they wipe, because who has that conversation?

    5. deleted2997279 +4

      Huh! I’m going to have to look again. I don’t think it seemed that odd, but I recently learned my boyfriend stands up and turns around to wipe (????) so not much is phasing me in that department right now.

    6. fictitious +4

      My male roommate commented on that scene, too, and asked me how females wiped– I told him I had a small sample set of sisters but that my lady family stood to wipe. Is that strange? I promise we do seat inspections for any missed droplets!

      Also, he thought she was crying while pooping until I reminded him that ladies sat to pee, too. We both agree it would have been funnier if she was having her last pre-jail poop in that shot.

      1. Sea_Money +3

        Do you happen to know exactly where that occurred? I remember reading it. Was it over the course of several threads.

    8. Red +2

      Forget it! We all wipe how we wipe, we all wipe different. I stand up. YEAH. WHAT?!

      I really just want to talk about Orange with everyone. With. EVERYONE. I made my friends watch it last night. I was like “I am NOT going to sell this to my guy friends on the topic of lesbian sex and boobs” and then the first thing they asked was like “LESBIAN SEX?!” and I was like guys. You are BETTER THAN THIS. IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU NEED TO WATCH A FEMALE-DOMINATED CAST?! COME ON.

      ugh. dudes. gtfo.

      1. mkpatter +2

        Ugh, dude friends!!

        Also I think I might worship Kate Mulgrew (Red) as an actual deity now, I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
        And I am already rewatching it.

  2. anninyn +2

    Can we talk about how HOT it is and how as a fish-white denizen of the normally-temperate British Isles I am absolutely unequipped for this?

    I am spending my whole time lying around the house, naked. Sometimes I nap.

    I am subsisting on ice water, gazpacho soup and crisps (for the salt).

    1. kateeek +6

      It’s hot where I am too, which usually I love. Except my mother-in-law is staying with us so I can’t sit in my underpants and eat ice cream all day. I have to actually wear clothes and eat salad.

      1. anninyn +6

        Urgh. Clothes.

        I hate the heat. My pale, doughy, pudgy body is meant for overcast skies and cool mists and occasional hail.

        In the cold I can wear more jumpers. In the heat I just sweat.

        It appears my adorable little shit of a feline has something to say, too.
        0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000025
        Thanks, Anne.

      2. lyetteann +1

        It is awful! It hit 100 degrees in Boston today. I have lived here my whole life and never remember that happening before. We have all the curtains drawn to keep the sunlight from heating the house and I feel like I live in a cave.

        A badly air-conditioned cave.

        1. anninyn +1

          That made me panic for a bit and then I remember: Farenheit.

          Most houses in the UK don’t have even bad aircon, so every time I’ve gone to the supermarket It’s been BLISS.

    2. laureleye +3

      buy an enormous bunch of grapes and freeze them! frozen grapes are the best thing to eat when it’s too hot to think. the. best.

      1. anninyn +1

        Curreently the freezer is occupied by freezepops and bottles of water, but when there’s space I’ll give it a go. Thanks!

      1. anninyn +5

        I’m amazed the the whole of Scotland hasn’t burst into flames from unexpected sunlight.

        1. Angelan_ +3

          I will admit I’m a little surprised not to hear an announcement that the edinburgh tram tracks have melted, but so far, so good. Apparently it’ll push 30 in Glasgow at the weekend though – maybe that’s the combustion temperature 😉

          1. anninyn +2

            yeah, we’re supposed to getting 32 or 34 by sunday.

            I WASN’T EVEN AWARE TEMPERATURES LIKE THAT WERE REAL

          2. rkfire +1

            Awww, I can sympathize, but as someone who lives close to Washington, D.C., those temperature are summer. The heat index for us this week was 36-38 C (thank you google conversions), which is both grueling and leads to the local news going “hey, it’s another hot morning! Experts suggest never going outside, if you can help it..”

            One of my professors in undergrad was Scottish, and he said that back before central air, Washington D.C. was considered a punishment assignment by the UK diplomatic corps. That always cracks me up.

    4. dianeleighshipley +4

      Yes! I get SAD so I hate winter, but I melt in the heat. If it could be sunny and about 20 degrees C all year round, that would be perfect for me.

      1. anninyn +3

        20 degrees C with warm sun and a fresh breeze. The flowers would be blooming, but not yet at the riotous plant-sex stage. Perhaps at night there would be soft rains.

          1. aekessler +1

            I think that the weather is trying to kill me. I can’t take this. It’s too much. We have two fans running constantly- there is no other way. It was slightly cool today- THANK YOU WEATHER GODS!

  3. quinnear +7

    This week I thought I was going to have to tell my mom’s boyfriend that if he wouldn’t touch me that way in front of my mom or his daughters, he is not to touch me that way when we are alone.

    But he didn’t come home this week so I had neither the opportunity nor the need, and I hope I never have to say it. Fuck him so much, though. I feel crazy.

    1. icebergmama +4

      seriously fuck him. have you talked to your mom about it? I hope she would be supportive, but this kind of story doesn’t usually go that way 🙁

    2. anninyn +7

      I hope you never have to say it, too. I don’t know if there’s any way I can help you out, but if there is…

    3. sandwichharlot +1

      Fuck him. I hope he leaves you alone. Seconding anninyn: let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.

    4. aekessler +1

      You are not crazy. It’s your body, and you have right to say who touches you. He doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.

  4. anxious_mofo +1

    I still have never had baked beans on toast, even though I love beans with a fiery passion.

    Alas, I have no cocktail in my hand. But I do have plans to make elderflower syrup this weekend and drink it with…well, probably gin.

    And yes! I too would like to thank all of you wonderful people for being such thoughtful, smart, nice commenters. The Toast is making me so happy already.

  5. Linette +8

    I’m insanely happy in my life right now and terrified I am going to just do the bare minimum and not use this happy place as a chance to do excellent things with myself. Trying really hard for that not to be the case, but old habits, they are hard to break.

    In related news, I may or may not have spent 8 hours on Pinterest the other day. Planning for when I have a castle. DON’T JUDGE ME.

    1. lyetteann +5

      The year I bought my house, I saw a listing for a castle in Ireland for the same amount of money I’d just paid for a 2-story Cape in Boston. If only I’d seen the castle listing first!

      1. Linette +3

        Ugh, I remember once seeing an entire TOWN, including castle, for sale in Italy and I forget what it cost but it was under a million. Why must my dreams seem so possible, guys?

        1. anninyn +2

          Once there was an island for sale for 100k. Same as my house cost.

          Of course, it was in the north sea and was made of rock and lichen, but…

  6. emily_white +1

    Toasties, I need some book recommendations. I am in a total reading rut and need to get interested in books again so I can do my job, which has a huge reading obligation.

    What I’m imagining: funny and/or suspenseful, quick reads (i.e. genre/pop over “literary”), probably written by women, readily available. But I will take whatever addictive suggestions you have. I do NOT want YA or kids’ books, because they are my job. Short stories welcome.

    1. icebergmama +1

      Have you read any Marian Keyes? I mean it’s basically what’s dismissively referred to as chick-lit, but it’s FUNNY and intelligent and Irish and moving.

    2. roxythroatpunch +1

      Anything by Laura Lippman – my faves are Every Secret Thing and And When She Was Good. They’re mysteries, and EXCELLENT. She also writes a series with a female PI, but I like her standalones better.

      1. emily_white +2

        GOOD CALL. I always enjoy Laura Lippman when I read her, and then I forget about her for 2-3 years.

    3. laureleye +2

      I am SO ON THIS.

      – The Chronicles of Elantra by Michelle Sagara is good, readable fun.
      – I’m not generally a fan of vampire books, but I found Moonshine and Wicked City by Alaya Dawn Johnson irresistible.
      – The Spiritwalker Trilogy by Kate Elliott
      – Co-sign Naomi Novik’s Temeraire books, and anything by N. K. Jemisin.
      – Terry Pratchett’s discworld books. But skip the first like, five. I thought I didn’t like Terry Pratchett until I stopped trying to get through The Color of Magic and just started reading random ones that sounded appealing.
      – Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan saga (she’s written several fantasy series that I also enjoy, but start with Vorkosigan)
      – Lilith’s Brood by Octavia Butler
      – The Species Imperative trilogy by Julie E. Czerneda.
      – The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (I’d argue this book is gorgeous and very “literary” but also I stayed up until 3 am reading it)
      – I’m currently in the middle of Mr. Penumbra’s 24-hour Bookstore by Robin Sloane, and it’s very fun so far.

      1. dearrosencrantz +1

        I heartily co-sign Discworld! I really enjoyed The Truth because I was a journalism major at the time, but really just grab one blindly.

        Also, I enjoyed Mr. Penumbra’s 24 hour bookstore too! Not too heavy, but still creates a good twisty world that you slowly uncover.

      2. madgehowlet +1

        I absolutely devoured the Temeraire series, but then I stalled out on the one set in Australia. Is it worth powering through the first couple of chapters? Does it get better? It just seemed so sad and dusty and depressed.

      3. doc_dk +1

        Definitely Discworld. Read anything with Vimes in it. Guards! Guards! is a good starting point.

      4. Nomie +1

        SPIRITWALKER TRILOGYYYYYYY I tell everybody to at least read Cold Magic because it is SO GREAT.

    4. dearrosencrantz +2

      Ooh, I love book talk. Here are my wild suggestions.

      Stranger Things Happen by Kelly Link is a short story collection. Fairy tales twisted and turned into interesting things.

      Which Brings Me To You by Steve Almond, and Julianna Baggott, an epistolary novel which isn’t nearly as hoity toity as that sounds. Funny and moving and alternates POV which is refreshing, and is a bit pop culture.

      Machine of Death: A Collection of Stories About People Who Know How They Will Die is pretty great. A bunch of short stories with illustrations. Does what it says on the tin. And it’s a free ebook!

      I hope one of those sounds interesting!

      1. emily_white +1

        I got all excited about Stranger Things Happen when I saw it had a Nancy Drew-esque cover (always promising), but it looks like the library’s only copy has gone MISSING. How appropriate and yet sad for me.

        The others sound interesting, too, so I’ll put them on my list. Thanks!

    5. catnamedvirtute +3

      DEFINITELY Where’d You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple. SO funny and sharp and really well written but an easy read. I also just finished Revenge, which is a collection of really creepy interconnected stories by Yoko Ogawa, and it was great. I also love Patricia Highsmith’s super creepy amazing Ripley novels starting with The Talented Mr Ripley–wayyyy better than the movie.

      1. emily_white +1

        Where’d You Go Bernadette! That is EXACTLY the book I’m looking for, except that I read it when I was in a reading slump in the spring. I have heard good things about both Revenge and Highsmith in general, so maybe I’ll give one of them a try.

    6. Big Rig and Jesse +1

      I don’t know if this fits your criteria, but I just read the best thing over the holiday weekend: Long Division by Kiese Laymon. It’s got race talk and time travel and realistic teen protagonists and it is just glorious.

      1. emily_white +2

        That is on my list to read for work-related things… but I’m more interested in it than most work-related things right now. I wonder if the public library will have it yet…

        1. Big Rig and Jesse +1

          Probably not, since it was published like 3 weeks ago. But it is def. worth the $15 bucks on Amazon. Or worth waiting for, too. I just hope your work-related book list involves stalking authors like they are Phish and reccing things to all the people ever, because I think this book needs that kind of audience. Also I’d love to hear more about your job and things you have to read for it.

    7. madgehowlet +1

      Because in any book-recommendation situation, I will recommend Kate Atkinson, so I’m recommending Kate Atkinson. Her Jackson Brodie series is made up of smart, quick mysteries that kind of almost accidentally mysteries that happen while she’s working through some great character interactions. I love her so much.

      1. madgehowlet +3

        Oh, and Jasper Fforde! The Thursday Next series eventually got to be too much for me, but his Shades of Grey was amazing.

      3. practical cat +1

        Can’t get into Life After Life right now, is there something wrong with me?

    8. karenbowness +1

      Seconding shades of grey! Also, if you’re into fantasy (I also enjoy the Temeraire books) then give Havemercy by Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett a try. I also recently enjoyed The Gone-Away World by Nick Harkaway, sort of future dystopian with a twist.

  7. meetapossum +1

    Paging John!Danzig! Let us talk of Denver.

    Plus any other Denver Toasties! (Is Toasties the perferred nomenclature?) I’m going to be in Denver from Sept. 1-8. Let us meet.

    1. johnwthompson +1

      HEY THERE

      I didn’t want to spread our conversation through three different threads (my piece, the cocktail thread, the FOT) but Sea Ermine over in Pinland is gathering another roundup of official-ish pinup dates and I gave her September 2nd-3rd. Would that work for you? Then presumably everyone who would show up would be in the comments of the announcement post over there.

  8. johnwthompson +9

    Thanks to everyone who read and / or commented on The Fabulist, it took a fair amount of strain and time to write but Mallory and Nicole were positively beatific about it. I’m so chuffed at being a contributor, even if it’s just this once. I do have another idea for a piece, but I think I’ll probably send it Jia’s way…

    1. deleted2997279 +1

      I was about to comment but then got pulled away to get gelato (poor me, I know) – I really liked it!

      1. johnwthompson +1

        I’ll have to think of something,. but I’ll pitch it when I do 🙂 thanks!

    3. Nomie +1

      I read it right before I had to run out the door at work, so I didn’t comment, but I really thought it was phenomenal. I would love to see more of your writing.

  9. lyetteann +1

    I have a perfectly nice bathing suit that I bought last year. I’ve worn it maybe half-a-dozen times. And I hate it. I don’t have a lot of body shame, but I feel AWFUL in that suit. So should I buy another one, even though there is no earthly reason why I need two suits and it’ll cost me an arm and a leg? (Oh, plus-size suits. Fuck you in the ear.)

    1. roxythroatpunch +5

      Yes, absolutely. Life is too short to have a bathing suit that makes you feel shitty. If you find a suit that you love, you will no longer *have* two suits – just one that is awesome.

      I bought this one after G was born and I LOVE it. The bra sizing is weird for people who are actually bigger than a DD, but I’m a 36F and the 36D/DD works pretty well.

    3. anachronistique +1

      ABSOLUTELY. I bought a suit at the start of the summer that made me feel super terrible and returned it, because fuck that noise.

  10. roxythroatpunch +4

    I am home with first trimester bullshit AGAIN – second time in two weeks. This is stupid and did not happen last time, so I don’t really know how to handle it without being a whiny wimp about it.

    So…sorry.

    1. roxythroatpunch +6

      But also, I bought forty dollars worth of cheese and ice cream last weekend, so I feel like growing someone’s bones isn’t *all* bad.

      1. anninyn +6

        She’s very, very stupid. I just need to wait until her brain reaches its recall limit.

        So, next time she sees a moth or a shadow.

        1. aekessler +1

          Aw. Poor kitty. Bribe her. That’s what I do to my bunnies all the time. They are very temperamental. I have to scratches to prove it from taking them to the vet. Bless.

  12. avocadofrenzy +1

    I’m really really scared that I’m about to lose my dream job because 10 months ago a bully was promoted above me. I was able to work with her just by ignoring the bullying when she was a co-worker — and I didn’t understand how badly she was bullying others, and I she hadn’t declared me Personal Enemy #1 yet.

    I’m so lucky to be 28 and in this position that I’m in. This is not a job I’m going to be able to find somewhere else, but she’s damaging to my professional performance. It’s really hard to focus and be critical and creative when you’re barfing up your lunch (not on purpose) most afternoons after she tells you about how much the owners/her boss think that you’re doing a terrible job (they don’t actually think that, and I know because they told me), but they support her as a people supervisor in every instance. She’s telling me to do one thing and then the owners/her boss are telling me to do the opposite and my head is spinning.

    The only other co-worker in my department and I are talking to the owner in an hour. She gets bullied too, but she’s not Number One Enemy. If this doesn’t change, we will be seventh and eighth people she’s bullied out of this business in the last six years. Every single person she’s had to work with closely has been driven out.

    1. anxious_mofo +4

      What a terrible situation! I hope your meeting goes well/is fruitful. How are the owners not seeing that she is toxic and a bad supervisor with that kind of turnover??

      1. avocadofrenzy +1

        It’s pretty flabbergasting. The owner is really smart, but this woman basically has two separate personalities, and the owner only sees the happy, perky one, and never the bully. The woman is careful not to leave a paper trail and only bullies face to face. The numbers really do say it all though.

      2. avocadofrenzy +9

        Hey mofo! I just wanted to say thanks for the support, and it looks like everything is going to work out! The owner is really troubled by the pattern and she is going to make some changes.

        1. anxious_mofo +1

          That’s great! I’m really glad the owner was receptive to you and your coworker. Fingers crossed for tangible change soon.

        2. mamacitaconpistoles +1

          *whew*

          I am sorry about the bullying, but I am glad you have support!

  13. owlet +18

    If The Toast were a nail polish collection by OPI:

    I Dream with Jen-ny
    Lavender creme with iridiscent sky blue shimmer and medium-sized square white hex glitters

    Hands Off My Pebbletush
    Matte pinky-greige in a sandcoat finish

    Suzy Says Send Me Pics I Am Real Man Who Appreciate Real Lady
    Brick red creme

    I’m So Fabulist
    Bright summer white with gold microglitter

    Toast Of The Town
    Clear base with champagne flakes

    2. icebergmama +9

      Mallegory – deeeeep, slightly translucent red with a hint of shimmer
      Funky Nicole Medina – sky blue with white metallic shimmer

      (I know the names are horrible but don’t those colors seem right?)

      1. owlet +1

        Yessssssss I was hoping others would hop on the fake nail polish bandwagon.

        Oh and terrible names only increase the verisimilitude!

      2. MalloryOrtberg +5

        how dare you suggest i wear nail polish that nonsense is for STRAIGHT WOMEN

    3. haleycrain +3

      Today on The Toast I learned the word GREIGE. PS you are very good at inventing nail colors, I wish we could make them real.

      1. owlet +2

        Oh, greige. You were so so hot in fall 2010, and where are you now?

        Inventing fake nail polish and giving friends manicures is how I pretend to get use out of my nail tech diploma…otherwise I might have to think about what a huge waste of money and time it was. And I won’t do it. I won’t!

  15. loren_smith +6

    I was grammar shamed this week, which is fine, because I have a thick skin, and I know that I’m not an idiot, even though I have some huge gaps in my education with regards to English usage, and pronunciation, and I’m used to it, but man, it’s making me have some serious feels. So I’m just going to get them off my chest, because, hey, that’s what the internet is for, right guys?
    My mum, who is my best friend, and a wonderful woman – the kind of mum who will always make you a homemade cake on your birthday, and drink wine with you on the porch when you fight with your own mum, and will water your plants and feed your cats when you go out of town – this sort of thing crushes her. She is one of six kids who was raised by a single mother in the sort of place where every Christmas the neighbours would pile all their broken garbage on my mum’s lawn and call it charity. She ran away when she was a pregnant 15 year old, desperate to give her baby a better life. She chose her baby’s adoptive parents because they were both teachers, and mum always dreamed about living in a home where education was cherished; mum finished high school when she was in her 30s, and went on to get a BSc Hons. It was a struggle doing this while my bro and I were small, and it meant so so much to her, because she had always felt worthless. And the thing that really, really breaks my heart, and has me thinking all these feels, is that she’s so afraid of people judging her because she doesn’t really know how sometimes to write the most elegant sentences, or how to pronounce words, because she missed so much. I don’t know – I certainly am no prize pig – I’ve judged people for all sorts of stupid things myself. Let’s all be gentle with each other, you know?

    1. icebergmama +1

      Oh darlin’ I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings! I meant to come back and make some comment to put down my own self in return, and then I forgot. What an asshole I am.

      I wish I could send you some chocolate or something 🙁 I certainly don’t think any less of you as a person (I know what I said, but I guess I thought being extreme and so over the top like that would make it clear I was only joking and don’t actually think less of you).

      Again, I apologize, and if you or anyone on your behalf wants to tear me a new one, I feel as though I utterly deserve it. Your mom sounds like a great lady and probably a better mother than me.

    2. S. Pebbletush +5

      http://paintingthegreyarea.wordpress.com/2012/11/…

      Dear Amazing and Wonderful Loren:
      Grammar shaming is rude as fuck and anyone who does it is kind of an ass. It is basically someone saying “I think I’m smarter than you are and I’m going to tell you.” Fuck that. I was an English major and an English teacher and I have a fucking law degree and I’m a native English speaker and I *still* fuck up sometimes when I’m typing quickly or thinking about a bunch of different stuff. It is a nasty, horrible thing to do to someone and I have MAJOR problems with people who do it.

      And fuck anyone who is mean to your mom. Moms are awesome, your mom sounds spectacular, and I think raising kids and providing them with a safe and loving home is way more important than grammar. Screw anyone who says otherwise, they are terrible mean people.

      You are wonderful and so is your mom.
      Love, S. Pebbletush

      Dear People Who Grammar-Shame:
      Please go suck a bag of smashed assholes and please never speak to my friend Loren again unless it is to issue a heartfelt apology or to be a very nice person in her general direction. Part of having privilege is not making other people feel terrible about not having that privilege, whether it’s education or innate talent or a difference in cognitive ability. And seriously, lay off people’s moms, moms are awesome. Don’t you have anything better to do?
      Love, S. Pebbletush

      Edited: I originally said that people who made fun of Loren’s mom were idiots. Edited to change that because it doesn’t matter if they’re idiots, it just matters that they’re doing something really mean and awful.

    3. dianeleighshipley +4

      Oh, agreed. I know I’ve spelling and grammar-shamed before, because when you’re good at English and not much else it’s the one time you get to feel really superior, and it’s kind of a rush. But then I realised that some people just aren’t good at English, or don’t have the knowledge, or are dyslexic, or don’t speak English as their first language, and it’s just a dick move.

    4. icebergmama +7

      I’ve been thinking this over all night and I just want to apologize again. I am so, so sorry. What I did was inexcusable. The worst part is, I did three things that are the worst: I was mean to someone who didn’t deserve it AT ALL, I did it on The Toast, which should be as safe a place as the Hairpin, and I did it in a way I don’t think I would have done in person, to your face. I deserve everything S. Pebbletush says.

      I am so, so sorry and I swear it will not happen again.

      1. comoPedroensucasa +4

        oh dear, iceberg mama has apoligized twice, so I do really hope that Loren felt willing to accept her apology — I think she really means it. It wasn’t a great thing to do, but it wasn’t horrible or unredeemable either. I feel sad for but also affection for everyone concerned.

        The grammar fix is really easy. Basically, “my” is a possessive, so it’s exactly what you want when you think you might say “I’s.” People say the incorrect version all the time on reality shows, which weirdly legitimizes it/throws it into the linguistic soup for everyone, so it’s totally understandable to slip up. The bigger general rule in using pronouns is to think: “what pronoun would I use if I was just talking about one person and not two? Okay, that’s the one to use in this case as well!” So, “Jehosphat and my new house is charming.” “Bob and I are going running.” “That Guinness-flavored ice cream belongs to Bob and me.” No sweat!

        Virtual hugs all round.

    5. selenana +1

      It’s not your job to educate people about their privilege but thank you for doing so anyway. It’s easy to get irritated by errant apostrophes but everyone makes mistakes and it’s really elitist to be snarky about them. Thanks for the gentle reminder.

  16. victorytasteslikehashbrowns +3

    Let’s centralise submissions for the name for Nicole’s fitness post!
    I meekly suggest a buns of steel pun like Buns of Toast.
    If I felt like I couldn’t do one of the things Nicole describes I could then say “my buns dont feel nothin like toast!”

  17. Big Rig and Jesse +1

    Guys! I am drinking at home and playing video games, because this morning I bailed on a trip with friends to Door County, WI, ostensibly because whatever stomach ailment has been plaguing me for months kicked up at 4am and made me puke all over the place, but really because I might have been afraid to leave my dog with my friend’s fiance (whom I slept with 6 years ago!) and also I found out the night before this judgey, awful friend of the friend (whose fiance I boned) was coming too. She is legit terrible, and I would have willingly and purposefully vomed in her travel luggage.

    Basically I want to know how much #FOMO is justified, and how few fucks I should feel ok giving, since I’m listening to the Hackers soundtrack and dancing around my porch drunk in the dusk? Is it ok to deny yourself opportunities to have adventures, if you suspect they would be terrible and even your extroverted-self might have a better time alone?

    1. Big Rig and Jesse +2

      Already I’m making myself feel better, because I am determining/practicing my next staff-party-karaoke playlist, and it definitely includes both LFO AND LMFAO. Is this a humblebrag? Don’t care.

        1. Big Rig and Jesse +2

          Yessssss. You don’t even know how hummed-lullaby soothing that is to hear right now!

  18. johnwthompson +4

    Can I just say how endearing it is that the Toast comment section freaks the fuck out on mobile devices? Total throwback.

    1. haleycrain +6

      I’m glad you find it endearing!!! It will hopefully be, uh, less endearing and more functional soon.

      1. johnwthompson +2

        Heh, it’s fine for the most part but once it gets to the 4th tier of a thread or so, the width of the column shrinks to about 2 characters. Just reminded me of how Gawker made its switch to a “mobile friendly” format and becamer a huge pain for people not browsing on a phone.

  19. madgehowlet +2

    You know what sucks? This week. I’m halfway through a goddamn miscarriage (I’m at the Hell Yes, I’ll Drink This Wine stage but not yet at the Thank God I Can Take Advil Again stage), and I’m still angry that the ER kept me for five hours on Monday and then sent me home with basically no advice other than “If you bleed out, come back.” And my city is suddenly a swamp that is also maybe on fire. I kind of hate everything right now.

    How are you? What did you have for dinner? I hope it was a drink.

    1. EPWordsnatcher +2

      I had a really good gyro, a beer, and some bourbon and honey ice cream. It was delicious. I’m so sorry you’re going through what sounds like a particularly nightmarish hell right now, and I hope things get better right quick. BOOOO ridiculous ER.

    2. haleycrain +2

      That sounds just awful 🙁 I had fish tacos and a glass of rosé, it was nice. What did you have? I hope it was exactly the right thing to make you feel better.

    3. S. Pebbletush +2

      That sounds so shitty. I had bad Indian food (not real Indian food, but new-to-SanFrancisco-hipster-urban-fusion Indian food) that gave me indigestion so I couldn’t finish my beer.

    4. dianeleighshipley +2

      Oh my gosh, I hope it’s over soon, that you’re not in too much pain, and that you drank all the wine. xo

    5. aekessler +2

      That is so awful. I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve never been through anything like that, but I am sending all of the hugs and good wishes your way.

    1. Big Rig and Jesse +1

      I’m not in the Twins (I imagine St. Paul being full of ugly ladies named Walda, sorry!) at the moment, but I go there pretty often for work. It seems like a rad place! I think there is a Hairpin Twin Cities contingent you could tap into! I would have a drink with you the first week of August if that was a thing you wanted to do!

      1. mamacitaconpistoles +3

        Me! Kinda! In the area! Close enough to come your way to be social!

        I am from St. Paul originally, and I am pretty darned cute and have adorable clothes. So Big Rig and Jesse, you are sadly misinformed.

    4. roxythroatpunch +1

      I grew up in Minneapolis and my parents and sister are still there and I miss them – and the city – terribly. Sniff.

  21. lobsterhug +2

    I think it’s time for me to Lean In. I recently got a raise and when my boss is out on maternity leave (any day now), I’ll be in a leadership role on the team. So, I’m going to read Lean In and hopefully stop feeling like I’m going to puke every time I think about having weekly meetings with VP.

    Any other Tostadas have experience with professional development? Tell me how you rocked it.

    1. madgehowlet +2

      That’s awesome! I’ve been doing this in a far less formal way, but I’ve gotten used to my meetings with Deans and Vice Provosts and whatnot. Know your stuff, be willing to say “I don’t know, I’ll find that out and get back to you,” and ask good questions.

      You’ll be great!

      1. S. Pebbletush +5

        And on a similar note, don’t be afraid to say “no, I think that’s wrong, and here is why.”

        Part of Leaning In, for me, is thinking “would it be weird if a dude did this?” Usually the answer is no.

        1. MalloryOrtberg +6

          In my experience, an excellent way to develop your career is to comment on a popular blog so much that you invent your own blog and quit your job. MAYBE THE TOAST COULD BE YOUR BLOG

  22. Red +5

    There are too many thiiiiings I want to comment on, on the internet. I can’t keep up with all y’all! I don’t even have a job, I don’t know how the rest of you manage. <– just kidding, totally know how, I did have a job once after all.

    can we please talk about orange is the new black forever because it is just so fucking good.

    1. aekessler +1

      Hahaha. I don’t have a job, and yet, I can barely keep up with anyone else. I feel kind of useless. I’ve been having a bit of a problem with agoraphobia lately. I get really overwhelmed and want to crawl under the covers and never leave.

      I have got to watch that damn show. Everyone keeps raving about it.