When your partner worries about the declining health of his beloved parents whom you grudgingly help support:
“If you observe, people always live for ever when there is an annuity to be paid them.”
When criticized for underpaying interns:
“Five hundred a year! I am sure I cannot imagine how they will spend half of it; and as to your giving them more, it is quite absurd to think of it.”
When disapproving of your college roommate’s wedding registry:
“A great deal too handsome, in my opinion, for any place they can ever afford to live in.”
When telling your daughter not to break up with her bad boyfriend:
“A woman of seven-and-twenty can never hope to feel or inspire affection again.”
When turning down a date with a man who admitted to once attending a Dave Matthews concert for his brother’s birthday:
“I could not be happy with a man whose taste did not in every point coincide with my own.”
When mocking your little cousin’s attempt at the haftarah portion:
“It would have broken my heart, had I loved him, to hear him read with so little sensibility.”
When your child finally screws up their courage to deliver a long and poignant speech about being gay:
“How very odd!”
When someone begs you in song and in person not to take their man, despite your flowing locks of auburn hair:
“These objections are nonsensical.”
When texting your boyfriend to say that you and your friend Charlotte have been describing the inadequacies of his penis all over town:
“I tell every body of it, and so does Charlotte.”
When claiming not to like Doctor Who:
“The Doctor is no beau of mine.”
When discarding your toddler’s present to you:
“It is not everyone who has your passion for dead leaves.”
When refusing to have sex with someone who hasn’t waxed:
“Because, among the rest of the objects before me, I see a very dirty lane.”
When refusing to go to your friend’s baby shower in Yonkers:
“I do not like ruined, tattered cottages.”
When talking smack about Sir John:
“Sir John is as stupid as the weather.”
Works Referenced:
Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility (Indiebound | Amazon)
Tags: books, evil, jane austen, sense and sensibility, the quotable jane austen for evil people
BRB going to talk smack about Sir John with my BFF Charlotte.
I watched the Emma Thompson version of Sense & Sensibility at the weekend. Get out of my brain! No … wait! Stay there and go over all the amazing lines again. ITS DELIGHTFUL!
*** (so pretend this is not the daily mail) look at the glorious gossip in this article. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1261…
Marianne and WIlloughby had a *thing*! Emma Thompson and Hugh Laurie had a *thing*! Emma Thompson and Greg Wise forever!
I’m surprised everyone in that movie didn’t have a thing for everyone else, as they are all so gorgeous and fabulous. As is the movie itself. *swoon*
Have you read Emma Thomson’s diary of making the movie? It’s a fun companion to a rewatch of the movie or a reread of the book, or both.
have you seen the Vicar of Dibly’s finale? They talk about the Emma Thompson S&S and the noise she makes when she finds out Hugh Grant is single and loves her… So good. Also, Richard Armitag (can’t spell it.) Yum!
ahahaha, “She didn’t take to it because she’s a mod and he’s a hippy.” Love this.
PERFECTION! Nicole Cliffe, you have netted my heart.
I decided last week to re-read all of Jane Austen and plowed through Pride + Prejudice, Persuasion, Sense + Sensibility, and I am currently on Mansfield Park with Emma, Northanger Abbey, + Lady Susan in the queue.
Please read this devastating quote from Mansfield Park and die a tiny million deaths with me:
“Without studying the business, however, or knowing what he was about, Edmund was beginning at the end of a week of such intercourse, to be a good deal in love; and to the credit of the lady it may be added, that without his being a man of the world or an elder brother, without any of the arts of flattery or the gaieties of small talk, he began to be agreeable to her. She felt it to be so, though she had not foreseen and could hardly understand it; for he was not pleasant by any common rule, he talked no nonsense, he paid no compliments, his opinions were unbending, his attentions tranquil and simple. There was a charm, perhaps, in his sincerity, his steadiness, his integrity, which Miss Crawford might be equal to feel, though not equal to discuss with herself. She did not think very much about it, however; he pleased her for the present; she liked to have him near her; it was enough.”
Lady Susan is amazing.
For mean girls:
“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”
But WHY did you use Lady Catherine de Bourgh instead of Fanny Ferrars Dashwood?
The best thing is that in the movie, Fanny is played by Harriet Walter, who had a stint on Law and Order: UK. For some reason, seeing her as the guv’nor totally cracks me up.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s epic bitchface transcends the bounds of any individual Austen work.
Touché.
Because I totally have time for a Jane Austen binge right now. I think I’m going to do it anyway, though. Deadlines, shmeadlines.
“A woman of seven-and-twenty can never hope to feel or inspire affection again.”
OOF.
That one hits a little too close to home.
34, yo.
Oh, I am so thoroughly into spinsterhood by the Austen calendar. Anne Elliot is 5 years my junior, and her whole deal is that she’s a decrepit old maid.
I think I might even be older than Miss Bates, my god.
“A woman of seven-and-twenty can never hope to feel or inspire affection again.”
OOF.
That one hits a little too close to home.
brb, off to listen to Jolene a thousand times.
Also this was amazing.
This is great, I really needed the reminded that I have less than a year left to inspire or feel affection.
“CLAIMING not to like Doctor Who” is right! There are two kinds of people on this earth… those who love Doctor Who and those who have not watched enough Doctor Who yet.