Roxane Gay’s last not-so-guilty pleasure was The Fast and the Furious.
I love romantic comedies. They get a bad rap that’s not entirely deserved. They are terrible because we want them to be terrible. We want them to lie to us about romance and being swept off our feet and happy endings, so many pretty little lies.
It’s not that I believe love actually happens the way Hollywood pretends it does. I’m too old for that. I do, however, enjoy a good lie or, as is the case with most modern romantic comedies, a bad lie, especially if that good or bad lie is delivered by pretty people with fantastic wardrobes who live in impossibly large apartments. It’s all about the packaging.
When I say I love romantic comedies, I mean I love them passionately and unabashedly. I particularly enjoy taking men to romantic comedies. I get a thrill out of the heavy sighing and the seat shifting and how they’ll pull my hand into their lap hoping I’ll give them a consolation prize happy ending during the movie. I play hard to get because I’m concentrating on the very important goings on splayed across the big screen. Don’t you see? That cute sad girl is eating ice cream in a bathtub while a familiar pop song plays in the background. Focus. You can hold my hand though. Yes, sir, you can. You are welcome.
I cannot get enough of that.
I also enjoy the soothing formula. Boy meets girl, with a twist, or not, boy and girl court, have sex, flirt, banter, there are complications, there’s heart break, or distance, or maybe there’s someone in the way. Everything works out for the best, love is real, love is good and true and everlasting even if it is found in unexpected quarters, love conquers all, love is the ultimate, love is all a girl wants. For 94 minutes or 101 minutes or 112 minutes, romantic comedies deceive me. I believe in love and I believe everything is pretty and that you don’t need to work much to afford a lavish lifestyle in Los Angeles or New York. I believe everything works out. I love the way romantic comedies lie, is what I’m saying and thankfully, Rihanna has provided us with critical guidance on the loving the way of a lie. We just have to stand there and watch me burn.
To be clear about the extent of my adoration for this genre, I have seen Something Borrowed. I am okay with the fact that Hollywood thought it was a good idea to make a sequel to one of the worst romantic comedies, Valentine’s Day, and that they decided to call that sequel New Year’s Eve. When, in 2013, we see a trailer for the movie Labor Day, the third movie in the trilogy, one with a pregnancy twist, I will cheerfully get on board.
My point is this: Friends With Benefits is a really great movie. Forget what you heard. Hollywood is no stranger to recycling plots, casts, and other contrivances to capitalize on a movie’s success. The Hangover II, for example, was The Hangover 1: Thailand Edition. (See also: Skyline versus Battle: LA, etc). The movie-going public was well aware they were seeing the same movie in The Hangover II, only with twice as much sweat, and they were okay with that. That’s why producers didn’t hesitate to release Friends With Benefits in the same year as No Strings Attached. Same movie? Pretty much. No problem.
No Strings Attached was witty, a bit raunchy, sexy and charming. Honestly, it was terrible. To enjoy romantic comedies the way I do, I grade on a curve and because I teach college writing I’m well versed in grading on a very steep curve. In No Strings Attached, Ashton Kutcher is a pretty little thing but no one will ever accuse him of being an actor. He is good at what he does–smiling for the camera and displaying his fine musculature. Natalie Portman brings her competence and beauty to the movie and acquits herself well. There’s very little plot. That’s for the best. Ashton is getting over a breakup. Natalie Portman is emotionally damaged and works all the time and is looking for dick on demand. They have lots and lots of sex and they hit a snag but everything works out because that’s what happens in romantic comedies. We need that lie to happen.
Friends With Benefits was witty, a bit raunchy, sexy and charming and also had an adorable metacommentary about romantic comedies, pretending to display some real awareness of the deep flaws of the genre. Mila Kunis is emotionally damaged. Justin Timberlake is a workaholic with commitment issues–second verse, same as the first. This movie is better than its twin because the cast is stellar and hotter–Justin and Mila, Jenna Elfman looking well-preserved, Patricia Clarkson exceptional as always, Richard Jenkins exceptional as always and Woody Harrelson being Woody Harrelson in an approximation of sobriety. Justin tries so hard to be a Big Boy Actor he is almost believable as a romantic lead.
In this day and age, we can articulate our emotional brokenness. We can say, “I’m emotionally damaged,” and our audience will sort of understand. When Mila Kunis says she is emotionally damaged while looking like the most beautiful woman in the world, you think, “Isn’t that precious?” Because it is precious, the notion that someone who looks like that has to reach into the depths of her soul to find a problem. The plot in this movie is not complicated and there are hilarious non-sequiturs like Shaun White, the snow athlete, as an asshole, and GQ magically owning a building in NYC (as if), and flash mobs as a typical part of city life. There’s also some genuine awkwardness by way of Woody Harrelson playing a gay man who makes self-loathing, inappropriate, and sad gay jokes like it’s 1999. This movie has it all.
Gaping plot holes are mandatory in order to believe the lie of a romantic comedy. When the plot is solid, the movie experience becomes uncomfortable because you are not distracted by the plot discontinuities. You are forced to dwell on how impossible and absurd these movies make love out to be. At times, Friends With Benefits veers dangerously into well-plotted territory by giving both Mila and Justin’s characters shallow but emotionally significant back stories. Fortunately those moments are regularly interrupted by sex scenes during which you can’t help but think, “That young man was once in N’Sync.”
Compared with No Strings Attached, Friends With Benefits is Oscar material. There was an actual script instead of extended scenes bloated with an overpowering score and the pretty people staring at each other as a means of advancing the narrative. There was no Ashton Kutcher. I loved the movie so much, my eyes even watered a few times. I started to believe it is possible to convert a FWB into a BF(F) with whom I might skip into a happily ever after. Friends With Benefits told me one of the best lies ever. I smiled so hard, for so long, I had to ice my face when I got home. That’s all right because I like the way it hurts.
Tags: as gollum hated and loved himself, movies, not-so-guilty pleasures, romantic comedies, roxane gay, roxane hated and loved these movies, until this moment i thought these were all the same movie
“That young man was once in N’Sync”. Is this the appropriate place to discuss the impending N’Sync reuinion?
While the right honourable gentlewoman makes a reasonable point about the meta-nature of Friends With Benefits, I respectfully submit to the court an alternative interpretation: No Strings Attached is a better Romantic Comedy, because it is *more Romantic*. While I concede that Friends With Benefits includes the undeniably important presence of Woody Harrelson, I hereby ask the jury to consider the fact that No Strings Attached has a sex scene which is strangely hot in a way I don’t fully understand considering you see no body parts at all. Which, In Our America, do we need more, I ask you? The answer is on your consciences.
In response, the defense would like to submit Exhibits A-F, set forth in the court documents as “Timberlake’s abs.”
…Prosecution takes a moment to inspect the evidence….
Yeah, this is the movie where I went from Timberlake, ew! to When did he get so hot? I am still a little ashamed by this, though.
Also, I loved FWB and all romantic comedies, and I loved this article. The Toast knows exactly what I want from life/the internet.
I haven’t seen FWB, but NSA really annoyed me because it started out so promisingly – a better ending would have been for Portman to learn from her experience with Kutcher and start dating AFTER him, instead of invalidating the value of FWB friendships entirely by insinuating that they always have to end in a relationship otherwise you’re damaged.
also I love romantic comedies and Gerard Butler but I will never forgive him for that awful one with Heigl in which he is an unrepentant asshole who allows a child to sexually assault Heigl by proxy with vibrating underwear.
omg omg that movie is the living, breathing worst movie to have ever been made in the world. There is no worse movie than that movie.
The Ugly Truth was so horrendous. Every time I see it (shame), I marvel about all the things that are wrong with it.
Watching Portman sob hysterically while driving and shoving powdered donuts into her face was almost worth it though. ALMOST. Because eating feelings, yo. EATING. FEELINGS.
If only. I liked that Natalie Portman was a kick-ass doctor being a baller, and Lake Bell was her adorable self. Not to mention Mindy Kaling and Greta Gerwig. Be still my heart ladies.
Just once in my life I want to see someone be accused of being an actor.
You, sir, are an absolute Actor!
you, you … ACTOR.
I am ON BOARD with any romantic comedy involving Ewan McGregor, no matter how terrible. (Looking at you, Down With Love. Although that also had David Hyde Pierce, who is a treasure forever and always.)
A Life Less Ordinary is the most terrible Ewan McGregor vehicle.
But he sings! I think it makes up for his terrible haircut and clothing choices. (Okay, Cameron Diaz sings too. That’s okay.)
Also that movie is pretty epically “of it’s time.”
That movie makes no sense whatsoever but it has suuuuuuuch an amazing late-mid-nineties soundtrack. I found it in a used CD pile at a record store and snapped it up.
yes, I bought it when it came out!
HOW WAS THAT MOVIE NOT ABOUT EWAN MACGREGOR AND DAVID HYDE PIERCE FALLING IN LOVE
In my heart it always will be.
It more-or-less is.
Also, Sarah Paulson. My first introduction to her, and I will be forever grateful.
I love her, and she’s with Cherry Jones!
Also, I want the Coen brothers to make a real version of the romantic comedy featured in Burn After Reading. Pleaaaase, guys, I know you read The Toast!
“First you say you can’t commit, then — will you come down from there??”
I’m not proud.
Roxane is always and forever correct about FWB being better than NSA. In addition to the points she makes above, I submit the following:
1) Emma Stone cameo at beginning of FWB as bitchy, John Mayer-loving ex.
2) The scene in NSA where all the women are lying around with their periods, during which some poor woman has to moan about how “there’s a war going on in pants” or something equally terrible.
shit, I’d forgotten about that scene. I retract all upthread arguments.
Also, when Shaun White tells JT that he is “whispering in the ear of a dead man” in FWB, I genuinely laughed.
It was crime scene, I believe. I thought it was hilarious. I enjoy period jokes. We need more. We have so much jizz jokes, but the second we say anything about a lady’s business, then pearl clutching ensues.
No pearl clutching here. I am all for the period jokes, and think we should have more too. More good ones.
Friends with Benefits is so much better than it has any right to be. I bought it on DVD yesterday, and I am not ashamed.
And here I was, sitting in a room away from my husband and his friend, listening to them whoop and holler like old ladies (no, they ACTUALLY sound like old ladies) while they watch each other play video games, and this piece* reminded me that I have Netflix. By God, I am going to go watch a terrible/wonderful romantic comedy right now, with a giant dry martini. FUCK THE HATERS.
* I loved this, btw, and also Roxane Gay, you are awesome and your writing gives me life.
Does anyone else double-head Die Hard and Love, Actually every Christmas? ASKING FOR A FRIEND.
*raises hand*
Other better-than-average romantic comedies.
– Sliding Doors (despite Gwyneth pretending to be British)
– Crazy Stupid Love
– Forget Paris
– Easy A
Next Stop, Wonderland. Hope Davis, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Holland Taylor, and my beloved Boston in one movie? Yes, please!
I am wary of romantic comedies in general because it drives me UP THE GODDAMN WALL when the conflict is based on a misunderstanding that could be solved in 2 seconds, but I really enjoyed Friends With Benefits, Crazy Stupid Love, and Easy A. I will try these others!
Also, Sarah Paulson. My first introduction to her, and I will be forever grateful.
It was crime scene, I believe. I thought it was hilarious. I enjoy period jokes. We need more. We have so much jizz jokes, but the second we say anything about a lady's business, then pearl clutching ensues.
If only. I liked that Natalie Portman was a kick-ass doctor being a baller, and Lake Bell was her adorable self. Not to mention Mindy Kaling and Greta Gerwig. Be still my heart ladies.
No pearl clutching here. I am all for the period jokes, and think we should have more too. More good ones.
This is the most wonderful thread ever. You all make me want to run to the airport to stop you getting on a plane instead of waiting for the next flight out. But you must promise me that you will take a detour through the biggest traffic jam ever. I would also like it if that traffic jam could be in the most public part of the city where all can witness my confession of stupidity before I saw the light and possibly applaud as we embrace afterward.
That or one of the many amazing scenes from Crazy, Stupid Love. Which I adore. Onward to the next one where we hope for the perfect mix – it will happen!
Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed. That is still a terrible line.