You coming in or just want to let flies get through my nice screen door? Come on in, honey, we don’t bite. Not even Darryl here [jerks head toward Darryl, who does not move]. Can I getcha cup a coffee? Piece a pie? We got brochures to the cavern tours, if you’re here for the caverns. The sign? Yeah, the sign out front’s spelled right. Painted it myself. Why do you ask?
No, honey, Pound Town is off the 46 out near Buttonwillow. This is Boneville. You need to get back on the 5 and take the onramp east if you want to get to Pound Town. Right past Make-Out Village. Can’t miss it.
Sweet pea, I lived in Boneville all my life. I know the difference between Boneville and Pound Town and I can tell you that you are not in Pound Town right now. It’s all right. Don’t get so upset. I’ve been to Pound Town plenty of times. I’ll help you get back on your way.
Now, do you have a first-class ticket to Pound Town? Is it one-way or return ticket? Or are you driving yourself? Because you need a ticket, if you want to get to Pound Town. Darryl, honey, shush, I’m trying to help someone get to Pound Town. [Darryl does not move.] Don’t worry, you won’t be late. Nobody misses an appointment in Pound Town.
No, sweetheart, Pound Town’s been unincorporated ever since the council voted to separate from Fuck City back in ’89. The Boner Coaster’s outside city limits. Way I see it, you’ve got a few options. You can take the express train to Pound Town; that leaves every half-hour from the station just down the road a piece. Reliable, the express train to Pound Town. Always get you there.
No, the bus doesn’t go all the way to Pound Town. Stalls out on the dirt road about halfway there. You need to switch to the D-Train if you want to arrive in Pound Town.
If you don’t want to take the train, of course, there’s plenty of gentlemen here would be more than happy to give you a ride to Pound Town anytime you like, day or night. All you have to do is ask. Darryl here’ll take you, won’t you, Darryl? [Darryl slowly takes a sip of his coffee.] Honestly, Darryl. Darryl here’s the Mayor of Pound Town, as it happens, so he has to get there tonight anyhow. Won’t be no trouble. See Pete over there? Pete’s the sheriff. He can take you, too.
Oh, honey, I’d be happy to give you a ride, but I don’t make too many visits to Pound Town these days. There’s plenty going on in Boneville to keep me busy. Sure I can’t get you that cup a coffee? All right. Come on back when you leave Pound Town, willya?
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Tags: bone city, darryl, fiction, good directions, pound town
Tangentially related, I present to you Browntown, VA, site of a regional waste transfer station:
We call Montreal’s little India Browntown. What doesn’t help matters is that it used to be Little Greece.
“I’m so sorry I can’t give you a lift, but I’ve just got to get down to the Spank Bank before it closes today.”
I was really hoping for directions to Bang Central. Does anyone know the way?
I was really hoping for directions to Bang Central. Does anyone know the way?
Do I have to pass through the BoneZone to get to Pound Town?
“Oh, you’d like to ride the Pony Snake to Tuna Town? We have a lot of Pony Snakes to choose from right here. Each Pony Snake comes with a traveler’s package, which includes a map to Tuna Town and other nearby attractions.”
Population: 2 . . . Or more????
I’ll just leave this here: http://gloryholesports.com/ [SFW, NSFW if you’re not allowed to giggle like a third-grader.]
The homeless shelter in Juneau is called The Glory Hole, something that generally takes people by surprise the first time they hear it.
Elderly Scottish ladies like my wife’s grandmother often use the phrase “gloryhole” to mean a small storeroom adjacent to the kitchen. True story.
Is it possible to take a Mustache Ride to Pound Town, or is that only considered a local to Puss City?
Asking for a friend.
Friends, I give you Intercourse, PA. Right next to the town of Blue Ball. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercourse,_Pennsyl…
I just… thought you should know.
Population: Growing.
Also; Wet Beaver, Colorado.