You coming in or just want to let flies get through my nice screen door? Come on in, honey, we don’t bite. Not even Darryl here [jerks head toward Darryl, who does not move]. Can I getcha cup a coffee? Piece a pie? We got brochures to the cavern tours, if you’re here for the caverns. The sign? Yeah, the sign out front’s spelled right. Painted it myself. Why do you ask?

No, honey, Pound Town is off the 46 out near Buttonwillow. This is Boneville. You need to get back on the 5 and take the onramp east if you want to get to Pound Town. Right past Make-Out Village. Can’t miss it.

Sweet pea, I lived in Boneville all my life. I know the difference between Boneville and Pound Town and I can tell you that you are not in Pound Town right now. It’s all right. Don’t get so upset. I’ve been to Pound Town plenty of times. I’ll help you get back on your way.

Now, do you have a first-class ticket to Pound Town? Is it one-way or return ticket? Or are you driving yourself? Because you need a ticket, if you want to get to Pound Town. Darryl, honey, shush, I’m trying to help someone get to Pound Town. [Darryl does not move.] Don’t worry, you won’t be late. Nobody misses an appointment in Pound Town.

No, sweetheart, Pound Town’s been unincorporated ever since the council voted to separate from Fuck City back in ’89. The Boner Coaster’s outside city limits. Way I see it, you’ve got a few options. You can take the express train to Pound Town; that leaves every half-hour from the station just down the road a piece. Reliable, the express train to Pound Town. Always get you there.

No, the bus doesn’t go all the way to Pound Town. Stalls out on the dirt road about halfway there. You need to switch to the D-Train if you want to arrive in Pound Town.

If you don’t want to take the train, of course, there’s plenty of gentlemen here would be more than happy to give you a ride to Pound Town anytime you like, day or night. All you have to do is ask. Darryl here’ll take you, won’t you, Darryl? [Darryl slowly takes a sip of his coffee.] Honestly, Darryl. Darryl here’s the Mayor of Pound Town, as it happens, so he has to get there tonight anyhow. Won’t be no trouble. See Pete over there? Pete’s the sheriff. He can take you, too.

Oh, honey, I’d be happy to give you a ride, but I don’t make too many visits to Pound Town these days. There’s plenty going on in Boneville to keep me busy. Sure I can’t get you that cup a coffee? All right. Come on back when you leave Pound Town, willya?