Hello, fellow humans! How much are you loving this bright, warm weather? Isn’t it great to bust out all your favorite summer outfits, feeling free as a bird in your comfy shorts and cute skirts, while also creating sartorial optical illusions to minimize your glaring, repulsive figure flaws (don’t play, you know what they are)? And staying within your clothing budget? And dressing in a way that’s consistent with your gender identity, subculture of preference, and favorite color?
Putting clothes on your body can be so time-consuming and require so much thought and calculation that, honestly, it’s a wonder anyone ever does anything besides stand in front of the closet putting on and taking off outfits until it’s time to go to bed again. And it’s all the more challenging when you have a body type that is not well-served by off-the-rack fashions (too short, too tall, too fat, too busty, too narrow-hipped, too broad-shouldered, too WHO ARE THESE THINGS EVEN MADE FOR?), or a personal style that diverges from widely available trends, or a bank account that screams in pain if you even think the word “designer.” So let’s talk a little bit about how to avoid walking around naked while still preserving some tiny shred of your money, dignity, and sanity. Welcome to Fat, Broke, and Stylish Club. (You do not need to be fat, broke, or stylish to participate.)
The first rule of Fat, Broke, and Stylish Club is that there are no rules. Well, there are some rules. There are nudity laws, and things having to do with hygiene. But any rule that tells you a certain kind of clothing is forbidden for your body type is simply preposterous and should be treated with the same amused incredulity you normally reserve for pyramid schemes.
Every women’s magazine, “lady blog,” and mother’s best friend is constantly brimming with advice on how to “dress for your shape,” which never means anything other than “dress to hide your shape.” You can probably recite your own personalized figure-correcting wardrobe rules blindfolded; mine are vertical stripes, dark colors, low necklines, high heels to make my stubby legs look longer, and belts. Always belts. A never-ending parade of V-necked, vertically striped dresses belted at the waist; that’s what fashion magazines want for me. It is my responsibility to the universe, as someone shaped like an oblong with boobs, to spend my life pretending to have a waist. My lack of waist is a dark and powerful secret. If I ever let on that I don’t have a waist, God only knows what would happen. Locusts, probably. Lots of locusts.
In real life, however, I own like two belts, and only because I have a couple of dresses that fit weird without one. I wear shirts with high necks if they come in colors I like. I wear flats, except on special occasions, and by “special occasions” I mean “occasions I can spend sitting down.” After quite a few years of effort, I have more or less convinced myself that there is no thing or combination of things I can wear that will make me look like anything other than myself: short, fat, with big boobs and a flat ass. And you know what? That’s cool.
Because here’s the thing: V-necks do not make your boobs look smaller. Cuffed pants do not make your legs look shorter. Vertical stripes do not make you look thinner. Peplums do not make your hips look too big. People can tell what your body shape is, so stop worrying about what outfit will make you look like Christina Hendricks’s body double and just wear things that you think are pretty, regardless of whether it is medically prescribed for the shape of your ass. If you find something that you like, that fits you, that won’t get you in trouble for violating your work’s dress code, that doesn’t itch or cut off circulation to your legs, and – miracle of miracles – you can afford it, for God’s sake don’t pass it up because you’re afraid it might not create the correct optical illusion.
As a subset of the first rule, it’s okay if your guiding principle when putting together an outfit is “How can I best annoy my mother?” I don’t remember my mom giving me a lot of fashion advice growing up, but I do remember being instructed over and over that red and pink are clashing colors, and you must never ever wear them together. These days, I love nothing more than pairing red with pink, especially when I have plans to see her. The look on her face is all the affirmation I need.
The second rule of Fat, Broke, and Stylish Club is: Don’t follow trends. Put outfits together because you like them / they are comfortable / you can do cartwheels in them, not because they look like what that one actress wore in that magazine that one time. I mean, if you’re into following trends, you do you, girl.
If you have no difficulty (emotional or financial) consistently acquiring the Hot Piece of the Season in the appropriate color, along with the leggings, shoes, blouse, bag, and hairstyle necessary to wear it correctly, then rock the fuck on with your bad self, but also, why are you reading this, go walk down a catwalk somewhere. This article isn’t for you. It’s for people in the socioeconomic class known as I Can’t Spend My Student Loan Money On Designer Barrettes, Don’t You Know There’s A Damn Recession On?
Looking amazing on a thrift-store budget is about letting go of the need to wear something cute because everyone else has one. It’s about keeping your options open. It’s about being ready to snatch up an awesome bargain item when it crosses your path, even if you were looking for mint-green skinny jeans and what you find turns out to be a burnt-orange crocheted vest. Following trends requires money, it requires spending your time and energy going from store to store and hunting down the perfect booties (are booties still stylish? I have no idea, but I still wear them, because they’re cute and fuck it), and of course it requires a basic devotion to knowing what the trends are in the first place. No judgment if you feel like spending your free time reading fashion blogs, but it’s also okay if you’d rather go for a walk or watch Orange is the New Black over and over and over [Ed. note — Or Oz. You should really watch Oz instead].
The point here is, trendy can be fun, but it’s not a requirement. It’s not the same as being stylish. You can still be fashionable without keeping up with fashion. If you defiantly refuse to follow trends and instead throw weird, unexpected pieces together because they make you feel gorgeous, people will think you have amazing, groundbreaking fashion sense. Find things you love and mix them up in surprising ways. Wear dresses over jeans. Wear crazy-loud leggings and tacky Christmas sweaters. Mutilate your t-shirts and wear them as shrugs. Wear layers, because for some reason the more articles of clothing you have on, the more stylish you look. Wear red with pink. Wear cowboy boots with everything. Mismatch.
My little sister, who’s one of my fashion icons, says, “The way to figure out whether it’s okay to wear two things together is: Yes, it’s fine.” Mix prints, patterns, and colors; you can wear neutrals when you’re dead. (My other fashion icon is a five-year-old being allowed to dress herself for the first time. If I could wear a tutu and a firefighter’s helmet to work, I would.)
There are certain things you can always find on the cheap at secondhand stores, no matter what’s in style. T-shirts advertising inscrutable tourist attractions or bands you’ve never heard of are a given, and it’s always fun to do surgery and turn them into tank tops and minidresses and so forth. (Actually, I just turn them into tank tops; I’ve seen the minidress thing but never had the sewing skills to pull it off. But if you’re crafty like that, rock out with it.) If you’re into long flowery skirts or loud printed dresses, you need never leave Goodwill empty-handed. Anything that’s too long can be cut or hemmed; anything that’s too short can be layered over leggings; anything you buy secondhand and get tailored will still probably be cheaper than buying it new.
The one thing you shouldn’t count on being able to find used? Jeans. Goddamn jeans. Jeans are great and versatile and look awesome with every imaginable type of shoes, but shopping for them is the kind of torture you rarely see outside of Game of Thrones. You will inevitably find that the one store that carries the jeans you like has just changed their sizing, and you’re no longer sure whether you need the “Classic” or “Contemporary” fit (which one means big thighs again? Oh, right, it’s different at every freaking store), and the color you like only comes in a size 3 ½ Extra Tall.
If you prefer to wear men’s jeans, which are ostensibly easier because their sizing is based on actual inches, not arcane butt-measuring magic lost to the mists of time, you will enter the store at the exact moment when they have sold out of your inseam. I have no advice for you on how to find jeans. Just set aside a day for shopping, and make sure you have enough money saved not only for the pants, but for a treat to reward yourself with afterwards, like a fancy new vibrator or all the tequila.
This brings us to the third rule, which is: “Wardrobe staples” are whatever you decide they are. Fashion experts like to make lists of things every woman should have in their closet, like “a little black dress” or “boot-cut jeans” or “gladiator sandals” or whatever, and you’re supposed to mix these basic ingredients together to make outfits, like the way recipes will say “with things you already have in your kitchen!” but I never just have onions lying around. Which is just my even-more-roundabout-than-usual way of saying that universal “wardrobe staples” are a myth. It takes lots of kinds of people to make this magical world go ’round, and not all of them have or need a navy blue pencil skirt.
Now, yes, you should have some basic pieces in your closet that go with a bunch of things and can be styled appropriately for a variety of occasions. But you get to decide what they are, based on your own personal working definition of “basic” and “go with.” Personally, I haven’t owned an LBD in about five years, but I do have a different jean skirt for every day of the week. Also: leggings and tights in a variety of colors, and four separate pairs of Doc Martens, all purchased secondhand, lest anyone should fail to observe that I am a) queer and b) poor.
If you’re not sure what your wardrobe staples are, or you’re trying to make your stock ensembles a little more versatile, think about your current favorite outfit or outfits. What would you wear every day if you could? OK, buy more stuff like that. (Unless you can’t wear your favorite thing on the daily for whatever reason, like if you really love to wear sequined hot pants but you work in an office. If that’s the case, you need to find the garment that is spiritually closest to your favorite but is authorized by your dress code. The office equivalent of sequined hot pants is a metallic kitten heel, closed toe. I can’t explain why but you know in your heart that I’m right.) Stock up on men’s button-down shirts or wrap dresses or comfortable khakis or skirts made of neckties or whatever feels like a building block of fashion for you.
And be ready to embellish. Because, obviously, the fourth rule of Fat, Broke, and Stylish Club is: Accessorize. You know how people are like “Look in the mirror and take one thing off before you leave the house”? Yeah, those people are the enemy. Look in the mirror and put one more thing on. Add a hat. Add a ring, or several. Add a necklace made of candy. Add any piece of jewelry that you purchased when you were twelve; people will think you’re being delightfully, ironically vintage. Go super old school and wear a bunch of brightly colored ponytail holders as bracelets. Add a tie, even if you’re already wearing a tie. If the only major wardrobe purchase you can afford this fall is one new pair of black pants for work (hello and welcome to my life), be ready to jazz up those sensible trousers with something sparkly on your days off. Scrounge all the change from your couch cushions and the floor of your car and go buy earrings at the dollar store. Acquire some “statement” jewelry, which makes the all-important statement: I’M WEARING JEWELRY!
If you can afford to accessorize with a nice haircut every now and then, go for it. I finally got a cut that makes me look like a sexy gay mermaid, which has been my lifelong goal, and now all of my clothes are 48% more awesome than they used to be, just by association. A really good pair of shoes can have this effect as well. You’ll know when you find the ones that speak to your soul.
And the final rule of Fat, Broke, and Stylish Club is: Remember that you’re always playing dress-up. Or, as Our Lady of Fabulousness RuPaul says, “You’re born naked and the rest is drag.”
If today you want to throw on your oldest jeans and a sweatshirt and dress up as Person Who Doesn’t Care About Clothes, you’ve earned that right. If you want to dress up as Pretty or Stylish or Sexy or Dapper, that’s awesome too, but it’s a choice, not a responsibility. No matter what you wear, your inner self will sparkle through. When I met the person to whom I am now married, I was wearing a cheap Halloween-store wig that looked like a pile of stunned ferrets on my head, as well as several quarts of fake blood. Somehow, they still found me attractive. It really is all about attitude.
Oh, and ignore the number on the tag (not the price number. The other number). If you like it and you think it might fit you, try it on. But you knew that already, right?
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Tags: fashion, fat broke and stylish, lindsay king-miller, or don’t, put this on your body
I could barely finish reading this without needing to come down here and express to you how absolutely spot-on you are about EVERYTHING.
My mother dressed me every day of my life, until I realized I could tell her “no”, and wear whatever the fuck I wanted anyway. Her favorite rules included: 1) Brown and black will never go together. 2) Always match your shoes to your belt. 3) Whatever you wear, IT MUST FLATTER YOUR BODY and hide your bulbous tummy…among many, many others.
I break each of those rules every single day. I dress according to how I feel and not according to how others feel. Sometimes it is hard, because I am fat and overly visible with bright aqua hair and twirling skirts, and because I have been taught for most of my life to HIDE AWAY so it is kind of scary.
But I am officially done hiding. I am bright and shiny and I daring you to look away.
You know, the funny thing about the “brown and black don’t go together” is that this has been hardwired into my brain, even though there are people who are actually brown and black and they look perfectly fine! You could even make the case that my coloring is actually brown (albeit tan) and black and it totally looks fine. Our much beloved Idris Elba is a perfect example of this, and no one is ever like “aaaaah his skin and his hair don’t go together well! what a terrible, terrible looking man!”
However, cultural messaging floats through the air, and sometimes there’s no telling what sticks to you. I’m also a little squeamish about wearing white after Labor Day, for fear that someone will make fun of me. My mother never gave a shit about either of these two things, but somehow part of me is reflexively worried about offending the (WASPy?) Fashion Gods.
My mother was a big fan of saying that if nature can pull it off, you can too. Are there things in nature that are brown and also black? Yes? Then you can also wear brown and black! Are there things in nature with crazy fluffy hats? YES? Then you can ALSO wear crazy fluffy hats! Are there things in nature with multiple shades of green? Yes? Then you can wear an entirely green outfit! And so forth.
So my personal style inspiration is currently this dapper fellow
He is definitely a dapper dude!
re. “if nature can pull it off..”: this is what I try to tell myself! This also makes the case for tastefully and carefully putting together yellows and purples.
Burnt orange, turquoise, cobalt and also maybe some bright yellow? ON IT.
That is for sure one of my favorite color combos right now.
“If nature can pull it off”: I am really, genuinely excited to start trying to base my outfits off of WTF Evolution.
I want to dress like a velvet monkey’s testicles now.
Having only a Dad was pretty awesome, because he would not even go there. But also I was always pretty insistent on what I wanted to wear from a pretty young age, that probably helped too.
“Dressing to Piss Off My Mother” is my entire fashion M.O. I wear white specifically after Labor Day just because it makes her nervous. When I was visiting her this weekend and blow-drying my hair in a ratty old a-line horizontal-stripes tank top, she told me I looked pregnant (which, just, no)… so I told her to jump off a cliff. *victorious!!*
YES! And now, at a size 12-14, with big hips and hair that is dyed so far from my natural color I no longer look like any of my cousins, my attempts to piss off my mother have come full circle.
My mother, the tiny, anorexic, Talbots-loving*woman who worries about her bone density like a manic Sally Fields in her Boniva days, was horrified by my size, shape, unnaturally dark hair, love for bronzer, Buddy Holly glasses, and kicky yellow pointy-toed kitten heels… until she realized I looked great.
I don’t understand. I am a fat lady who wears bright colors and laughs in the face of Real Simple’s style suggestions, and my mother is no longer horrified. It’s like I went so far from traditional that I circled back, and now I’m like a drag version of preppy lady style.
Just remember: When in doubt, add another set of fake Barbara Bush pearls, wear yellow shoes, and say yes to bronzer.
*I love Talbots. I buy my yellow shoes there.
Wear layers, because for some reason the more articles of clothing you have on, the more stylish you look.
Why is this true?? I am trying to become more comfortable with wearing layers because 1) this and mostly 2) it’s cold in my office year-round, wtf.
Also, would this be an inappropriate place for me to point out that there are some fantastic Labor Day sales going on?
This is similar to the Miss Piggy principle of “Style comes in all shapes and sizes. Therefore, the bigger you are, the more style you have.”
There is a reason Miss Piggy is my avatar!
I remember when I first discovered layers: I wore a white t-shirt with a surfing duck saying “Je vis pour le week-end” with a big black vintage belt, blue denim skirt, orange leggings, layered scrunch socks (orange, blue, and/or white), and white booties. I still remember that outfit 26 years later.
Because it takes at least three pieces of clothing (not counting shoes) to make an outfit. A shirt and top just makes you not-naked. Shirt and top and scarf/jacket? Not naked, but also stylish!
(Dresses are the exception to the rule. Even if you’re just wearing some comfy jersey thing that looks and feels like a nightgown, everyone thinks you look fancy in a dress)
LABOR DAY SALES! I just moved a lot closer to the equator I am real excited about on sale shorts right now!
This is making me feel better and better about my wardrobe, which consists of clothes Miss Marple would wear, and anime t-shirts.
Where do you get clothes Miss Marple would wear?!? Asking for myself, as I’d be on that in a second if I knew where to shop.
On another note, it’s amusing to think about Miss Marple wearing anime T-shirts whilst solving mysteries and knitting pink fuzzy things.
Lands End, amazingly enough, has a sort of ok selection of sensible plus-size skirts, if that is your thing. Paired with knit knee socks and lace-up granny boots and Bob’s Your Uncle.
My knee-length wool skirt, Catbug t-shirt, and I would like to be your friend.
We can drink Damson Gin! Or some sweet sherry. I don’t judge.
I gave up “flattering clothing” a few years ago. I backslide sometimes, but overall it’s pretty freeing to no long think “does this make my feet look big/my ass look huge/my waist look suitable small?” The only thing that’ll make my feet/ass/waist small enough to fit general standards of beauty is a scalpel, so I will instead focus on wearing clothes I like.
When I stopped caring about looking small and starting worrying about looking cute, life got a lot easier. Yeah, my hips are not going to change, so the real challenge is finding clothing that makes them look awesome.
Just wanna leave this here for all of youse: http://wtfplus.tumblr.com/ – it’s a hilarious tumblr making fun of limited plus sized clothing manufacturers (diva/animal print/all polyester all the time) + body positivity + fatshion.
Lindsay, you’ve made me cry as A Queer Chick, but I’m basically full-on sobbing curled up around my laptop right now on my couch. (No, no, don’t run away, there’s more to this comment!) I want to email this article to everyone I know and then print it out and hand it out to women on the streets as flyers, along with haley_cue’s comment. This is just real and true and powerful.
One of my favorite rings is a shiny quartz ring that I got from my parents on a vacation. It is a huge flashy obnoxious piece of jewelry that I wear on my tiny fingers despite knowing full well that it calls attention to my unmanicured hands with horribly bitten fingernails, etc. I wear it for me because I like the way the sunlight glints off of it in the late afternoon as I type, the way the sparkle catches my eye when I look down. It definitely states “I’M WEARING JEWELRY, NOTICE ME” and as someone who has spend a lot of her life trying to be less noticeable, it’s a lot of power.
Can we talk about the trend of Bodycon dresses from UK plus-size retailers? I love them to bits but feel really embarrassed to wear them as they accentuate my belly (which is the widest part of me) really badly. I know everyone is different but I cannot help but feel like this must affect a decent percentage of fellow plus-size ladies. How do I deal?
I personally deal with foundation garments.
I feel the same way! I’m so tempted to get one of them, but I just know that I’d feel too uncomfortable to wear it and show off how not-hourglass my figure really is. I’m not quite sure how to deal with it either; I’ve started wearing more fitted tops in the last few years (ruching is my friend because it makes things fitted but still comfy) and that’s helped me feel less uncomfortable with the idea of clothes that are actually the proper size, but a bodycon dress might be a hurdle too far right now.
EMBRACE THE FUPA AND VISIBLE BELLY OUTLINES.
http://fyeahvbo.tumblr.com/
Sometimes I will wear a smoothing tank under my dresses, but other than that, I keep my fat on display because fuck everyone else.
I am into this post
Okay, you are awesome. As a short tubby dude born to a very fashion opinionated mother (dress shoes, slacks, belts, button downs, ties!) and now partnered to my very own clothes horse I must say your attitude, spunk and advice get a big AMEN from me. It took me YEARS to feel comfortable wearing what makes me happy (jeans, shorts, an endless array of t-shirts and sandals). I actually bought a rugby shirt a few years back because it was in the Gryffindor house colors even though it had *GASP* wide horizontal stripes.
*high five, dude*
I saved my old childhood accessories for SO MANY YEARS and finally threw them away during a move several years ago. I regret that decision. I had, among other things, a shit-ton of colored rubber bracelets (including the ones with the glitter water in them), colorful bangles, a necklace made of pastel rainbow hearts, and a fluorescent yellow lace hair bow.
Dressing to piss off your mother is a great way to not be naked. Last time I was home I ended up crying in the dressing room at Old Navy after trying to buy colored jeans with my mom. A confusing and upsetting scene for everyone, but mostly the other innocent souls trying to shop at Old Navy. Also instructive in knowing not to try and shop when hangry.
NEVER SHOP HANGRY. Seriously, that is the entire reason Mrs. Fields exists, I’m pretty sure.
Yes. The instigator of allll my shopping meltdowns has been HANGER. Don’t do it!
EDIT: Sometimes the instigators are also HANGERS, the things on which the clothes are hanging, but all incidents, hangers or no, happen because I am HANGRY.
HANGRY shopping is bad, as is shopping when you feel skinny. Guess what, toasties? When you feel skinny and you’ve been eating iceberg lettuce for 3 days and your period ended last week, you’ll feel amazing in everything. And then the minute you have a bloat day, you’ll hate everything in your closet.
Shop while feeling a little fat. It will all fit nicely all the time.
I love this so much. I ampretty thin but my ASS is like a Kardashian ass (at least in my mind) and I always try to hide it for work. Then my sister (who lives in barely-there-shorts, god bless her) was like, why are you trying to hide your body? and while i’m the feminist body-positive sister, it really hit home. Sisters are wise and clothes are awesome.
I used to be so fashionable, in a fun-for-me way, not a trendy way. Mixing and matching and layering thrift store finds with mall purchases with basics with hand-me-downs, and lots of accessories. But now that I’ve gained weight it’s just so hard to find clothes that fit, let alone ones that I like, plus I don’t have the money to buy a lot of clothes. These days I wear clothes that cover my body and are “good enough,” and not necessarily my style. I’ve taken to wearing mostly jeans and t-shirts, and it’s gotten to the point where wearing anything “fashionable” doesn’t feel like me. But it used to be! I’m not sure how to break out of this fashion funk.
Oh girl, I hear you. I just want to live in pencil skirts and button ups and skinny jeans and and forties-ish dresses and I feel like my stomach and breasts are sabotaging everything, when really it is the clothes sabotaging me. BLERGH.
The answer is ponte knit. The answer is always ponte knit.
eShakti has a black ponte knit pencil skirt. http://www.eshakti.com/SearchPage/ponte%20knit
The ruffle skirt is cute too, and that houndstooth dress is adorable! What’s nice about them is that you can customize the fit based upon your measurements. You can also choose the length, neckline, and sleeve style for most items.
THIS IS SO ACCURATE TO ME. There was a relatively short period of time (a year or two?) when I could be considered thin, and it was amazing how all the clothes I tried on fit me. And now that I’ve gained weight back again as a result of not having an eating disorder anymore, I have no clothes that fit me. I’m way happier now than I was when I was thin and starving, but it’s hard to remember that when I am shopping, which at this point is basically never. Trying on clothes at stores is exhausting and demoralizing because nothing fits right. The shirts that used to be work out shirts for me are now what I wear on a daily basis. I wear jeans and t-shirts that are relatively fitted, plus cardigans and a few sweaters in the winter. If I ever figure out how to lose weight again in a way that’s healthy for me, physically and mentally, this problem might be solved. But I might never figure that out, and that is okay with me in my heart, but it’s so disheartening whenever I have to put clothes on my body, which is to say every day.
I know that there are people who are not thin and are still totally fashionable and awesome, but trying to think about figuring out how to do that exhausts me. It’s hard especially when I have some great clothes in my closet that don’t fit me anymore. What I’m saying is that I totally feel you and am going through the same thing.
But I still wear skinny jeans and nobody can stop me!
YES I can relate to everything you say except I didn’t have an eating disorder, but there were other things that made me lose almost 30 pounds in a short time. I gained the weight back slowly.
Ugh, isn’t trying on clothes THE WORST? I always feel worse about my body when I go clothes shopping. I miss the days when buying/wearing clothes was fun. It wouldn’t be so bad if we had more choices. And affordable ones.
Is this an ongoing column?? It is already my everything, if so. It is my sun, moon, and stars.
This year was the year I gave up on heels higher than about an inch and a half, and I am so thankful for it.
And I have to say, one of the reasons my mom is the raddest is because she has totally embraced my fashion evolution from “scared, sad and convinced of own hideosity” to “ALL OF THE COLORS!!! PETTICOATS AND RUFFLES AND FLOOF!!!” She was excited when I dyed my hair purple because purple is her favorite color. Bless.
You and your mom both sound fabulous. 🙂
Oh I need this post today. What do you do, Fat Broke and Stylish Club President, if you put on some grad school depression weight and you are trying really really hard to be kind and fat-positive to yourself about it but none of your goddamn clothes fit and you just got laid off from your second, money-for-spending job and you’re up to your eyes in student debt and you can’t afford more than a necessary new pair of jeans and MAYBE a couple of Forever 21 work tops let alone a gym membership and a new fabulous wardrobe and your boobs and tummy are busting out of everything and you can’t see well enough to thread a damn needle or sewing machine properly.
What then?
I got a mohawk and started painting my nails rainbow colors and bought some nice simple basics from Old Navy that aren’t exciting but at least fit more or less right.
Also grad school is the worst and I don’t know why we do it to ourselves.
I’ve already started painting my nails intense jewel tones and glitters and wearing a little more make-up and pincurling my hair and am planning to stretch my budget to some new good jeans and shirts and maybe a cardigan and hoping for the best. I just hate looking into my closet and seeing all my old friends that I can’t wear anymore, and feeling like I have four outfits to choose from for any given weather. :-(((
Right? My dresser drawers are all full, but really I only just wear stuff from the top two layers, and everything else is too small but I don’t want to get rid of it because I like it.
I hear you! I have boxes of clothes like that.
Rummage sales. It requires some investigating and scheduling ahead, but I have found that rich folks’ church rummage sales (or basement thrift stores, depending on the church) are the best place to pick up well-made clothes in my size.
Rich people get to wear clothes in whatever size their body is, and then they clean out their closets and I buy ’em for a dollar. Win-win. (Only drawback: many of these clothes are dry clean only.)
When I initially gained my own grad school depression weight, what I did was buy a pair of cheap jeans and a few layerable tops from Old Navy in my new size, which I wore the shit out of, while I slowly lost weight. A few cheap scarves will also help convince people that you aren’t wearing the same thing basically all the time.
Then I gained a bunch of dissertation weight a few years later. Lately I’ve been buying most of my clothes from Kohls. With sales + a 20% off coupon, I’ve found a bunch of cute tops that are professional-looking but floaty in the tummy area for about $20 each and a few stretchy ponte blazers for about $35 each.
Also, re: the gym membership, a few months ago I started getting Zumba DVDs from the public library and doing them at my apartment, which is free and pretty fun. I noticed a big improvement in my overall body-positivity when I started doing them regularly, even before I noticed any difference in how my body actually looked.
But as an immediate plan, just find something, one outfit that is not expensive and that makes you feel good about your body, and then wear it pretty much every day until you can save up a little bit more money to buy something else. It made such a huge difference to me to have something that fit and that I felt good in, even though there was no way to afford the entirely new wardrobe that I needed all at once. Sometimes being kind and body-positive to yourself can be so hard, and it’s so much harder when you’re wearing something that doesn’t fit you.
Scarves are the best. I’ve been wearing scarves a la the french since I went to France approximately 100 years ago as a high school student, and people comment on my lovely outfits. pssst: IPam don’t have any lovely outfits!! just the same few joe fresh tshirts, cardies and jeans, but lots of scarves. Most are cheap, some a little nicer but all lovely and interesting. They’re easy to wear (there are lots of sites that give you scarf tips) and you look “dressed” as soon as you add a scarf.
Ooooh what kind of scarf do you usually wear? The pashmina kind or knit? I need a few more so I can jazz up my own Target tshirt + oversized chinos rolled up + flip flops look.
Maybe get some friends together for a clothing swap? I’ve found lots of things I love and wear often from swaps, plus there’s something really comforting about trying on clothes that were not right for someone else but are awesome for you.
a. ponte knit
b. make your bed every day and put on makeup
c. grad school depression is the pits and you need to take walks around your neighborhood, or the swank neighborhood that you wish you lived in, or your friend’s cute little neighborhood, etc.
d. Target sells a brand of makeup called Sonia Kashuk. They make the best lip pencils ever and they’re cheap. Buy the red one, wear it under chapstick, and feel baller.
e. paint your toenails
f. consider dresses and skirts and tunic + leggings as options. Jeans are unforgiving. A jersey or ponte dress + cardigan + flats = great.
1. the downside to thrift stores and goodwills and such is that it takes TIME to find clothes that fit. a lot of time. time i don’t always have.
2. JEANSRAGE is a special kind of rage
3. what if downton abbey is my style? where do i find that style of dress? patterns? recommendations? help?
“But any rule that tells you a certain kind of clothing is forbidden for your body type is simply preposterous and should be treated with the same amused incredulity you normally reserve for pyramid schemes.”
THIS!!!
I’ve always known you were a genius Lindsay, but now I will be able to make this point (to everyone I know) without outing myself (to everyone I know) by emailing them a link to this article that is totally fucking perfect.
I AM SHORT! I AM CURVY! I AM WEARING A MAXI DRESS! VIVA LINDSAY!
I want to hug this post, it’s so beautiful!!! I’m a fellow short oblong with boobs, with a flat ass and round tummy, and I used to HAAAAATE buying clothes with the fire of a thousand suns because I was so concerned with following all the rules of how to dress a big-boobed, no-waisted, short-legged, flat-assed body, and every attempt to follow the rules ended in sad, frustrating failure.
Finally, I just said, fuck it, I’m almost 35 years old; I’m going to wear what I want and I don’t give a good goddamn if it highlights my belly bulge or makes my legs look short. Because, let’s face it, it does and they are, and no amount of camouflage has been fooling anyone all this time, least of all, me. So one day, I went to Old Navy and bought a pair of the cutest skinny jeans, and wouldn’t you know it, when I tried them on, they looked AMAZING! Yep, my legs are still short, so I cuff ’em, and my belly’s still round, but who the eff cares? NO ONE! No one has commented on how terrible I look or how a fattie like me can’t pull off skinny jeans or cute racerback tanks or sundresses or any of the new pieces I’ve added to my wardrobe. Now, granted, they also haven’t commented on how great I look, but I couldn’t give two shits because *I* feel great about myself, and that’s the only thing that matters.
i actually have a jeans shopping tip, guys, but i know that everyone will HATE it. here it is: try shit on. all the time. whenever you’re in a store. whenever you walk by a store and think that something looks cute. don’t be like “that’s cute but i’m not shopping right now” or “that’s cute but it would make me look like a sack” or “that’s cute but jeans here never fit me.” just TRY it.
this is coming from both someone who used to hate buying clothes because of her fucking weird body but now loves it, and worked at gap for two years; the epicenter of stressed-out, sad, body-hating, sweaty, frustrated ladies who JUST NEED TO BUY JEANS TODAY GODDAMNIT.
i actually think spending a day shopping for jeans is a recipe for disaster – sobbing, starving, sweating disaster. it’s worked out far better for me (maybe too much better? i shop beyond my budget – oops) to be in a constant state of possibly-shopping; it takes the pressure off of buying SOMETHING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW and lets you buy a good thing when it comes along. if things don’t fit (as they don’t, 95% of the time), no worries! no harm no foul! just go on with your day! you’ve spent 5 minutes on something that might have worked out but didn’t – not a big deal!
i know it sounds weird – if you hate trying things on, why would you do it more often? – and i know this assumes a few things about your time/budget/body – but if you can do it, it really will help by not making it a be-all end-all type situation.
This is excellent advice.
Excellent advice if you have both time and temperament to follow it. Some years ago, I assembled a great wardrobe of jeans by making a habit of swinging by the consignment store on my way home every week or two and trying on whatever seemed likely. It really lowers the pressure because you’re not on A Jeans Mission, you’re just trying stuff on to see.
One of the great side-effects of hanging around art students (at my job) all the time is that I’ve regained some of my adventurousness in dressing. The prints! The colors! The exposed flesh! And they look great! Granted, they’re mostly 19 and gorgeously hungover, but I can adapt some of it to stuff I feel good in and now I have crazy print dresses and colors other than grey and black.
This is fantastic, that’s all I can really say.
Plus, dresses over jeans!!! Always been my favorite outfit combo. I got excited recognition tinglies when I saw that one.
Me too! I live in Seattle, where little girls (toddlers through high school age, so some of them are actually young women) do this all of the time because it’s cold and wet most of the year, and when-the-hell else can they wear their cute dresses!? Anyway, a couple of years ago, when I was cold -but wanted to wear a sundress with a cardi – I threw them on over my jeans and Instant Magic! Or, at least, Instant now-I-can-wear-this-dress-whenever-I-want to… very happy making.
Seattle Toasties, I’m going to share a secret with you: the Capitol Hill Value Village is where eShakti dumps all their excess stock of dresses. I’ve found stuff there that’s on their site for upwards of $70, but at VV it’s under $20, and up to size 36. Godspeed, y’all.
Wait, what!?!?! What. I need to…go now. Hold my calls, I’ll be back…possibly never.
I acquired three of the same dress from H&M in three different colors. I purposely bought them a size “too big” (so as not to look like Kelly Bundy because why does everything there look like that?) and I will layer them with cardigans and scarves and wear boots/flats and leggings all fall and winter. I have a toddler and everything is machine-washable. Happy. So very happy.
i think i love you. can’t even go into all the reasons why because that would entail just cutting and pasting the whole piece. loved what you said, loved how you said it.
“At this time my mother gave me a clothing allowance, as an incentive to reduce. She thought I should buy clothes that would make me less conspicuous, the dark dresses with tiny polka-dots and vertical stripes favored by designers for the fat. Instead I sought out clothes of a peculiar and offensive hideousness, violently colored, horizontally striped. Some of them I got in maternity shops, others at cut-rate discount stores. I was especially pleased with a red felt skirt, cut in a circle, with a black telephone appliquéd onto it. The brighter the colors, the more rotund the effect, the more certain I was to buy. I wasn’t going to let myself be diminished, neutralized by a navy-blue polka-dot sack.
“Once, when I arrived home in a new lime-green car coat with toggles down the front, flashing like a neon melon, my mother started to cry. She cried hopelessly, passively; she was leaning against the banister, her whole body slack as if she had no bones. My mother had never cried where I could see her and I was dismayed, but elated too at this evidence of my power. I had defeated her: I wouldn’t ever let her make over in her image, thin and beautiful.” –Margaret Atwood, Lady Oracle.
This went on longer than I expected to let it, but Joan is one of my favorite Atwood characters.
I’m digging out my old silkscreening kit and making myself a brilliantly gaudy shirt that says, “I’ll wear neutrals when I’m dead.” This post and the comments made for a glorious read and has rekindled a long-dead interest in dressing to make myself happy. (I’m stuck in the worst of all fashion ruts known to womankind: I’m a suburban mom who only knows other suburban moms.)
Man. I was reading this and loving you and then I realized you are A Queer Chick! Even more love! I hope this becomes a regular column.
Ahhhhh yes thank you for validating my choice to wear only black jeans, sleeveless t shirts/plaid and roster of slip ons/doc martens. My unfashionable queer heart thanks you.
This is my favorite thing I have ever read about fashion. I mean, I knew it would be good when I saw “Lindsay King-Miller” at the top, but SERIOUSLY. Also, now I just want to look like a sexy gay mermaid. HOW.
lolololol @ me being a style icon, but I am wearing a black and blue houndstooth dress with pink and blue plaid shoes RIGHT THIS SECOND, so, as usual, the answer to “can I pair these two things” is “yes”.
This is the BEST! I love you; will you be my best friend?
YES! Thanks for writing this. It was awesome. I think i’ll print my favourite bits and put them in my closet…..
Excellent advice if you have both time and temperament to follow it. Some years ago, I assembled a great wardrobe of jeans by making a habit of swinging by the consignment store on my way home every week or two and trying on whatever seemed likely. It really lowers the pressure because you're not on A Jeans Mission, you're just trying stuff on to see.
This is making me feel better and better about my wardrobe, which consists of clothes Miss Marple would wear, and anime t-shirts.
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