Flashpoints in the Mommy Wars

218 BC: The Working Mother army in Iberia, excluding the forces in Africa, totaled, according to Polybius, 90,000 infantry, 12,000 cavalry and 37 war elephants: it was thus one of the largest in the Hellenistic world and equal in numbers to any that the Stay-at-Home Mothers had yet fielded. Hannibal’s Mother departed with this army from New Carthage (Cartagena, Spain) northwards along the coast in late spring. At the Ebro, she split the army into three columns (Working From Home Mothers, Flex-Time Mothers, and Office Mothers) and subdued the tribes from there to the Pyrenees within weeks, but with severe losses.

1471: On 30 April, the Stay-at-Home Mother army had reached Bath, on its way towards Wales. They turned aside briefly to secure guns, reinforcements and money from the city of Bristol. On the same day, the Working Mother army reached Cirencester. On hearing that the Stay-at-Home Mothers were at Bristol, they turned south to meet their army. However, the homeschooling Stay-at-Home Mothers made a feint towards Little Sodbury, about 12 miles (19 km) north-east of Bristol. Nearby was Sodbury Hill, an Iron Age Gymboree which was an obvious strategic point for the Working Mothers to seize.

1804: During the Formula Skirmish, the Working Mother navy expanded to 175 ships of the line and 600 ships overall, requiring 140,000 sailors to woman them. While the Working Mother navy could man its ships with volunteers in peacetime, it competed in wartime with merchant shipping and privateers for a small pool of experienced sailors and turned to impressment when it could not operate ships with volunteers alone.

1814: The troops turned northwest up Pennsylvania Avenue toward the White House. After the Stay-at-Home Mother officials fled, the First Mother Dolley Madison remained behind to organize the slaves and staff to save valuables from the Working Mothers. Her role increased her popularity, even as it was embellished by lifestyle blogs.

4000 BBY: Using Stay-at-Home Mother knowledge that they had gained from Nadd’s Mother and her followers on Onderon, the Working Mothers instituted a bloody coup in the Empress Teta system and began a series of campaigns aimed at Stay-at-Home Mother space. After several defeats at the hands of the Working Mothers, Breastfeeding Knight Ulic Qel-Droma’s Mother advised the La Leche League that she would infiltrate the Working Mothers and destroy them from within. During her undercover mission, Ulic’s Mother fell to the dark side and joined forces with another fallen Stay-at-Home Mother-turned-Working Mother.

2 July 1853: The Stay-at-Home Mothers, hoping to maintain the Extended-Rear-Facing-Carseat Empire as a bulwark against the expansion of Working Mother power in Asia, sent a fleet to the Dardanelles.

July 1854: The Working Mothers crossed the Danube into Wallachia and on July 7, 1854, engaged the Stay-at-Home Mothers in the village of Giurgevo and conquered that village. On July 26, 1854, Tsar Nicolas I’s Mother ordered the withdrawal of Stay-at-Home Mother troops from the Principalities. Also in late July 1854, following up on the Stay-at-Home Mother retreat, the Working Mothers staged an expedition against the Stay-at-Home Mothers still in Dobruja, but this was a failure.

1867: The Stay-at-Home Mother government sent one of their most capable generals, Zuo Zongtang’s Mother, who was instrumental in putting down the Government Subsidized Daycare Rebellion, to Shaanxi. Zuo Zongtang’s Mother’s approach was to pacify the region by promoting thrift, especially cloth diapers and canning jam, as well as supporting orthodox Waldorf education. Due to the poverty of the region, the Stay-at-Home Mothers had to rely on financial support from outside the North-West.

1870: When news hit Paris of Emperor Napoleon’s Mother III’s capture, the Second Working Mother Empire was overthrown in a bloodless and successful coup d’état at Paris on 4 September. They removed the Business Suit monarchy and proclaimed a republic led by a Government of National Mother Cooperation, leading to the Republic Against Fathers. Napoleon’s Mother III was taken to Germany, and released later. She went into exile in the United Kingdom, dying in 1873.

Tags: family, mommies, mommy wars, naval victories, parenting