“When men read Mary Gaitskill, their boners deflate.”
*
NDB, but Sondheim is updating “Company” to make Bobby the gay man he always should have been and he’s cast DANIEL EVANS, who is perfect. Though I’d also like to see Raul Esparza reprise the role. No bad options!
*
You’ve seen Donald Glover’s Instagram stuff, but we’d feel sad if we didn’t link it anyway.
*
Just Cord Jefferson being really good at life and being a person again.
*
The Chronicle of Higher Education talked to a bunch of female scientists of colour about their experiences in academia.
*
What Prudie should have said to LW#1: buy a Boyz II Men cassette tape and keep playing and rewinding “I’ll Make Love To You” while your husband gives you The Business. NO, do a staged reading of “You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You’re Making Love)” from Avenue Q. Or kick her out, whatever.
*
If you’re in an airplane bathroom and you’re bored with just looking at your jaundiced appearance and cracked, dry airplane hands…
*
We’re not above loving Elizabeth Berkley dancing to “I’m So Excited” like everyone else. You can use it to talk about Showgirls, too, because Showgirls is the greatest.
*
I only learned to drive like three years ago, but I love it and do NOT welcome our robot overlords.
*
“Of course, some people will say condemning Mailer for the act of stabbing his wife is too harsh, ignores all his wonderful writing. In this is a curious belief that writing has or should have the power of absolution, a belief that many writers would themselves dispute. (No one feels very forgiven by producing even the most brilliant draft of a novel.) But look: I think we can all be reasonably said to agree that people ought not to pick up knives and stab their spouses, full stop.” –Michelle Dean, controversially suggesting that Norman Mailer’s wife-stabbing need not be interpreted as an attempt to “rescue the writer in himself from the spiritual prison he had created with his fantasies of becoming a politician,” but is rather just the same old bullshit.
*
If, like me, you have replaced your collegiate assigned reading with just keeping up with Longreads, it might be nice to toss them a little money. No pressure, I mean, it’s not like we get any of it.
*
Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
Essentially the point being made was that being extremely drunk can put women in to a vulnerable situation and so girls should be aware, and also that unfortunately alcohol can cause huge difficulties in court as the evidence can be disputed.
I think these are valid points and young girls should be aware . If this article had been written in a non judgemntal fashion, it would have been fine.
But it wasnt and the tone of this article was awful. ‘Women stop drinking’ is a horrendous and stupid thing to say and it sounds more shaming.
I do think the article did have the potential to empower but being so judgmental had the opposite effect.
The greater need is for an article saying ‘RAPISTS, STOP RAPING.’
My thoughts:
Donald Glover, we love you! Come write for the Toast, my wee darling!
That Cord Jefferson piece was great and true and kind of depressing. (this comment has been edited to remove a potentially “yeah man I had the SAME THING” connotation, because no I haven’t experienced what he is talking about and it’s not about meeeee)
GIMME DAT ROBOT CHAUFFEUR omg this would solve a lot of my problems carting my wee army about. (I don’t drive since the Second Incident)
and, WTF Norman Mailer? How did I not know about this and wtf wtf wtf.
I sent him a little fan email and he wrote back really nicely and said he digs The Toast and I honestly just had to sit there for a moment focusing on breathing in and out.
omg he likes the Toast! <3
OH MY GOD HE LIKES THE TOAST
Cord Jefferson! I read your piece before and was moved by it. Thanks for your work.
OMG OMG OMG OMG
…do we really still endorse prudie? http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/20…
I just came here to talk about that shitstorm. What do you, and the greater The-Toast community think of the points that Prudie and the commenters are making?
ONe commenter said that in any way asking women to change their actions was victim-blaming, full stop.
However, for me anyway, taking more personal responsibility actually made me feel more empowered, more in control. I ceded control when binge-drinking.
Thoughts?
I think that our culture still blames women too much for rape for this advice to be as even handed as Prudie is trying to say it is. It seems like there is a new headline each month of some young girl being blamed by powerful figures for her sexual assault. If that weren’t the case, then I think that the advice would be more appropriate.Until it’s the case that women aren’t held responsible for being victims of rape and sexual assault, I think we need to consistently put the onus of responsibility on the perpetrators of the crime. Paralleling rape and sexual assault to other crimes (such as theft and murder) and you certainly don’t see the same level of victim blaming.
Do I think there’s a problem with binge drinking on campus? Absolutely. Among all students, male and female. I think that could be a separate focus altogether.
Yeah, I mean, it’s clear that lots and lots of binge drinking is related to sexual assault. It would probably be better if there just wasn’t binge drinking in college and I would support efforts to stop kids from getting super mega blackout shitfaced every weekend night in particular.
I think the problematic part of this is the “tell college women to stop getting wasted” part. Sure, an individual woman is probably safer in college if she doesn’t drink. I totally understand your ceding control point, deliciousrecoil, because that’s basically what getting fucked up is about. But the culture surrounding the parties and bars and such where getting wasted all of the time is the norm is the real problem–if EVERYBODY drank more responsibly, there would be fewer sexual assaults. (The idea that if one can’t consent when one is drunk then no one would ever get laid, haha, is one that I’ve heard before and it just makes it so obvious that there is some pretty fucked up pervasive stuff going on.)
It’s also complicated by the fact that Prudie is notoriously harsh about drinking. She basically thinks that anyone who has ever needed a DD has an alcohol problem.
She’s pretty insane about the drinking. When I saw the headline and I saw the author I thought, “Uh-oh.”
I’m not sure I even agree with her that binge drinking is causing the sexual assaults. That assumes that men become predators because they see an easy victim, not that men are predators and are choosing a victim. Is there any evidence at all that men won’t rape women if they can’t find drunk women? I’ve never seen it. It seems just as likely to me that they would just switch to other tactics and victims, and we’ll just get a different “Women, protect yourself by not doing/being X!” message.
Yeah, this advice is based less on lowering rape rates overall, and more on shifting who exactly is getting raped.
I actually think that fewer dudes would rape if THEY drank less. The whole binge drinking culture assumes that a lot of drunk sex will happen, and I think that creates a lot of perceived gray area that is not and should not be gray.
My neighbor crashed in to my parked car and blamed me.
It was funny.
Victim-blaming for rape?
The worst.
Your mention of empowerment/shaming is interesting.
I think the article could have made valid points that young girls should be aware of regarding the issue of alcohol and vulnerability and if it had been written in a non judgemntal fashion, it would have been fine.
But it wasnt and the tone of this article was awful. ‘Women stop drinking’ is a horrendous and stupid thing to say and it just sounds shaming.
I do think the article did have the potential to empower but being so judgmental had the opposite effect.
The greater need is for an article saying ‘RAPISTS, STOP RAPING.’
There’s nothing really stopping individual women from taking more precautions. But in general, I’ve found most women do take the precautions they find to be helpful (even if only in calming their nerves) and that they do not see as infringing upon their lives too much. Everyone’s got different standards for what’s a reasonable precaution and what isn’t. And while it’s clear that binge-drinking on campuses is tied up in a lot of rapes, women aren’t going to stop binge-drinking if men don’t stop (they just aren’t, regardless of how much anyone thinks they should), and women staying home sober while men get to party late at night hardly strikes me as some great leap forward for equality.
I think that for every headline that says “College Women: Stop Getting Drunk” there should be a much, much bigger headline that says “COLLEGE MEN: STOP RAPING WOMEN”.
My big issue with her article is the assertion that young women aren’t being told how to make themselves less susceptible to sexual violence. How can anyone think this is true? Is there realistically any young woman who finishes high school without being told that she shouldn’t drink to excess, be out late and/or alone, or present herself a certain way because it “attracts” danger? The “problem” Prudie’s talking about (i.e., the absence of that message) doesn’t exist, as far as I can tell.
Don’t forget about not wearing short skirts or you’re asking for it!
Yes, THIS exactly. I think there’s also this desire to be edgy or against the grain that ends up being a reiteration of hundreds of years of status quo victim blaming. And there are a lot of statements that have that “I’m not blaming the victim, *but*…victim blaming nonsense framed as advice”
We should question the use of binge drinking as correlated with sexual assault since reports sexual assault reporting rising is not the same as incidents of sexual assault rising. But hey, maybe columns like this can effectively shame victims into not reporting and we can all pretend it was helpful advice? Way to go, Prudie.
I got to “the misplaced fear of blaming the victim” and rage quit. I just cannot.
yeah, *close tab* is really the only way I can deal with that.
I can’t even read it. What is happening to the ladies at Slate?
Apologies if anyone has already posted this.
via Ann Friedman: College Men: Stop Getting Drunk
I wrote her an email about it and actually got a response! Will post when the back and forth is done.
According to her OWN FUCKING RESEARCH, both parties are usually drunk, so fuck you for putting the onus just on the women. :/
DANIEL EVANS IS A FLAWLESS HUMAN AND CAN ONLY IMPROVE UPON GENIUS.
Seriously, this might be an unpopular opinion, but I actually prefer his performance in Sunday in the Park with George to Mandy Patinkin’s. And I LOVE Mandy Patinkin, as all thinking humans do.
Also, Alan Cumming as Joanne — yes. I never knew I needed this until right now.
I completely and utterly agree. I saw him as George on Broadway and have never been so moved by a live theater experience except all the other times because I love Broadway so much.
Sondheim wrote in his book that to him, Daniel Evans’ version of “Finishing the Hat” was the definitive one, which is really surprising because earlier he says that he tends to prefer his songs sung by the people who originate the role. Seriously though, his performance is tear-jerking.
Gaahhhhhhh I also love Broadway so much dear the toast if you would like some long rambling essays about the beauty and majesty and sheer insanity of musical theatre I am your go-to gal.
Obviously, Mandy Patinkin is great:
http://thehairpin.com/2012/11/interrogating-mandy…
…but he’s such a personality that I can never actually see him disappear into a role, and Daniel Evans just became George, like Dot Com became Trigorin at the Wesleyan Art Space.
Donald Glover, you are a wonderful soul and I would like to give you the biggest hug in the world.
Man, he is just tremendous, and that whole thing was so vulnerable and wry and I’m so glad he was able to share that. I have nothing misandrist to say about him.
There’s a gif set of him floating around where he’s doing standup, as follows: “Every guy has a ‘crazy girlfriend’ story. Why don’t women have ‘crazy men’ stories? And then I realized, it’s because if you have a crazy boyfriend, /you’re gonna die/.” BOOM. YOU GET IT. Who’s the man? He’s the man.
NB: If you didn’t click on the Gaitskill piece because you’ve already seen it, looks like the Rumpus added a response from Gaitskill today and it kind of deflated MY boner a little tbh.
I haven’t finished reading the piece yet, and so I don’t know what Gaitskill said, but if it has anything to do with contradicting the writer, I’m sorry to hear about that. I came down here to say Thank you to Nicole for the link, because I’d never read Mary Gaitskill but based on the article, I think I would like to, very much. Well, we’ll see….
Yeah, that response seemed totally unnecessary, although I don’t know what happened originally to occasion the quick-draw “I’ve learned that people tend to assume that your fans speak for you unless you say otherwise” defensive stance.
Yeah, I had the same thought. Not like I thought the reply was disastrous or anything – just one of those “I wish this didn’t have to exist”-level bummers.
man, I’m so torn about clicking on it now. I read the piece last weekend, and the comments section infuriated me so I haven’t been able to look at it again although I really, REALLY enjoyed the piece.
It’s okay! I was worried too, but it’s funny and appreciative of the original post, but also fair and legitimate, so I’d go read it.
yay Nicole endorsement = COMPLETE trust.
Interesting. I did think it was fair and legitimate but… you know what, I am just going to go read it again and try to shift my appraisal of the tone.
Sorry if I scared anyone off reading it! It just made me a little sad is all.
I hear you, because I was SO INTO that piece and wanted nothing more than for Mary Gaitskill to co-sign it, but I also respect that she gave some context to her critics.
I felt the same way. It’s the middle paragraph that made me blink. The compare and contrast of male female critics who have given her good or bad reviews seemed not altogether relevant to the article at hand. I mean, I didn’t think it was so much about whether the critics don’t feel positive or supportive toward the author or her work but more about the content of their reviews. But I thought it was really exciting that Gaitskill responded, even if it wasn’t what I expected, and it definitely doesn’t detract from the article.
“Despite how good you are or how impressed people are with you, on some level, all of us have this feeling of being used,” Ms. Thomas said. “We are the one or two people on an NSF report. Our professors talk about diversity, point to us, and say, ‘Hey, we have one.’ Those of us out here earning Ph.D.’s and doing research are often objectified and used by universities while there’s no concerted effort to take us seriously as professionals.”
Among the many challenges facing black women who pursue science careers are isolation, lack of mentors, limited access to financial resources, and time-consuming duties like serving as the voice of color on countless university committees and responding to media inquiries on race and gender, assignments they take on in order to challenge negative stereotypes and to demonstrate that they are “team players.”
I’m in a different field, and I’m not black, but I totally commiserate with this. It’s honestly part of the reason why find a new job with a different area focus was so compelling..
“I am afraid people think I hate women”
And here we are, Donald Glover, afraid that men actually hate us!
*eye roll*
Thank you for bringing the Flemish airplane bathroom portraits into my life.
That was such genius. I loved it!
Re: Prudie. What do you call a reverse Oedipus?
A Supideo
Mrs Bates syndrome?
Thank you for the reminder to donate to Longreads! I also threw some cash at The-Toast dot net, because you guys are both my lunchtime reading and it makes my day a lot better.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will use your money to continue paying people to write for us.
And I will keep reading the things (and donating as I can!) and the cycle will continue. <3 u, Toasties.
God Donald Glover go away with your asian women fetishizing ways and vast repertoire of rape jokes and overall flippancy on the subject and oh, weird misogynistic comments (not talking about those personal notes, I sincerely hope he finds his happy place).
Ohhhh. Is that why he has that note about people thinking he hates women?
[I don’t watch Community nor do I pay attention to comedy as a genre, so I just think of him as “the cute guy who wants to be Spiderman”]
Good read of my morning: http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/oct/16/elea…
Interview with recent Booker winner Eleanor Catton. I was so excited to read the book I imported it from the UK about a month ago, and fell in love with it, and am very glad to see that she so deservedly won the Booker prize. Anyway, she has some great things to say about the treatment of women writes by male critics, and her book is really good, so you should read the interview then go buy her book.
Also, thank you Nicole/Mallory, because your author/book recommendations are always on point, and now I have to go read Mary Gaitskill.
yes! thanks for this interview, @hellaspanitia. To the lovely eds: any chance of an article soon about her? I know absolutely nothing, but Booker Prize winning is one of the most reliable indicators of a book being really really good &, for me, to-my-liking… would love to hear more about her here! (Also, it’s a looong novel — worth the time commitment?)
It is so worth the time commitment, but, honestly, it looks longer than it reads. I read all the time, admittedly, but it still took me only about a week to read the whole thing. It doesn’t feel like a long book, and doesn’t drag or meander.
I felt the same way. It's the middle paragraph that made me blink. The compare and contrast of male female critics who have given her good or bad reviews seemed not altogether relevant to the article at hand. I mean, I didn't think it was so much about whether the critics don't feel positive or supportive toward the author or her work but more about the content of their reviews. But I thought it was really exciting that Gaitskill responded, even if it wasn't what I expected, and it definitely doesn't detract from the article.
According to her OWN FUCKING RESEARCH, both parties are usually drunk, so fuck you for putting the onus just on the women. :/