“With breathtaking views over the Los Angeles skyline, expansive landscaped gardens and a glistening pool, Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster’s residence is a haven of peace and tranquility.”
“The home resonates with laughter as two-year-old Aiden charges through the estate’s opulently furnished rooms, giggling and calling after his statuesque mother.”
“She’s one of the most down-to-earth stars around, but Gravity star Sandra Bullock was surely floating on air this week.”
“It’s a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ role, says the star. Maybe so – but then, Sandra has dazzled us with plenty of once-in-a-lifetime performances in her stellar career.”
“But the London-based parents of Apple, 9, and Moses, 7, have pledged to always put their family first. And given the double pressures of the music world and Hollywood, this couple certainly deserves a standing ovation.”
“Jennifer, 44, has never seemed happier since she and her Wanderlust co-star grew closer. ‘I surround myself with my amazing work, my amazing friends, my amazing partner, my beautiful dogs,’ she said.”
“It seems Justin Timberlake’s vision of marriage is a perfect 20/20!”
“The world has watched [Gwenyth Paltrow] blossom from blushing ingenue into a bona fide Hollywood darling.”
“René Angélil was Celine’s manager and they fell in love when she was just 20 and he 46. But when they finally went public, the world felt the power of their love.”
“Although his gown will be a hand-me-down, baby George will wear new shoes. And judging from his mother Kate’s good taste, they’re sure to be stylish!”
Tags: celebrities, hello! canada, humor, magazines
Sure, Gwyn is everyone’s darling except, apparently, people who have to wonder what planet her particular brand of crazy comes from.
I’m wondering how many once-in-a-lifetimes Sandra can cram into a lifetime. Five? Ten? Twenty? Not just one, despite the implied ONCE IN THE ACTUAL PHRASE?
Also, if this was entirely satire then I apologize meekly and will go find more caffiene somewhere.
It’s not satire, I looked one of the quotes up.
Maybe Sandra Bullock is immortal.
That’s possible. I don’t think she ages…
Or she could be a cat!
I love everything you do about magazines.
This confirms everything I believe about Canada.
“two-year-old Aiden”
A certain redundancy.
“You should love and admire these very wealthy people because OF COURSE you should, silly!” Straightforward and to the point.
I am reading all of these to myself in local-news-reporter-voice and it’s perfect.
I read it in Perd Hapley’s voice.
I somehow doubt the christening gown is a “hand me down” as much as a “generations of royals have been christened in this” type deal.
“Oh, this crown thingie? Just a family hand me down, but I couldn’t bear to throw it out.”
Canada! I don’t know how to say it without being condescending, perhaps because it is an innately condescending thing to say, but Canada is really cute sometimes.
My parents used to live in England and every time I went to visit my mother and I would have at least one morning of reading HELLO! together and snort-laughing about the absurd houses of rich wackos, breathless descriptions of how “stunning” someone’s new girlfriend is, and triple-barreled society names. It is a perfect magazine.
Ever read Paris Match? Je vous présente Le Royal Blog: http://www.parismatch.com/Royal-Blog/Royaume-Uni/…
So, this is super embarrassing, but I did not realize until reading the article there about the royal baptism that Prince Phillip was Queen Elizabeth’s husband and that he is still alive. For some reason I had always thought that Elizabeth was a widow? At first I just questioned my French reading comprehension skills, but I took a quick trip to wikipedia and confirmed that my French is fine, but my knowledge of the British royal family is terribly lacking. My grandmother would be ashamed of me if she knew!
Your grandmother and THE QUEEN, madam!
🙂
They do try to hide him, he’s a bit… embarrassing.
My mom and godmother have tried to get me an American subscription to Hello! Canada BECAUSE OF THE LOVE I BEAR FOR IT, but to no avail, so they just bring three issues when they visit.
This doesn’t work? Click here to subscribe to Hello! Canada
nope
Where is global commerce? NAFTA? Do we need a Change.org petition?
I would pay a billion dollars for it.
I emailed them, I’ll let you know what they say. I didn’t remind them that we are all on the same North American continent, but I might have to.
Oh yeah, I had a magazine marketing class taught by a dude who did/used to work for Hello Canada. He was…kind of weird.
Peter…?
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
Hello! Canada is always gushing over minor celebrities and rando Canadian society names you’ve never heard of before. It’s the best gym reading there is, really.
“But when they finally went public, the world felt the power of their love” But like that’s actually a lyric from a Celine Dion song, right?
Most definitely.