Guys, this is ridiculous. Come on, now. Also, when I am given the reins to the nation, there will be one kind of pad and one kind of tampon and they will be handed out by the goverment like your I Voted! stickers. And the tampons will be the o.b. multipack and the pads will be…whatever, I don’t care, and I’m in no mood to hear your nonsense about the DivaCup right now, because I’m mad at it this month and there are people out there who do family cloth (I won’t link because I don’t want to make fun of any individual hippies, but go ahead and google), and their children are going to all grow up to work for Procter & Gamble and SLIPPERY SLOPES.

Mallory didn’t know about family cloth until I told her yesterday, and she’s a little bit broken inside now, so be comforting to her for the rest of the week.