The bartender is from California. The bartender is unamused at having to miss the meetup. Angry bartender. So I give you a mostly finished glass of wine and a half-eaten salad. Because everyone is having fun except for me. Toasties who are not going to the meetup, comment like the wind! A powerful, angry, East Coast wind.
The Toastesses also wanted me to provide the following information to you, which they threaten is for the last time except for some point on Monday:
Our non-paranormal San Francisco meetup is going to be from 7-9pm on Monday, November 4th, at the BART-accessible Thieves Tavern in the Mission. Mallory says it’s divey and low-key and quiet and has cheap drinks and you can dress like you’re at home watching Netflix.
Tags: meetups, meta, open thread, the bartender
It is not even half past ten and all I can think about is a nice hot toddy (with holiday compound butter!) and a nice hot boy to cuddle up with tonight. The former I can make happen easily, but the latter, well…
(Please, universe, let him text me today / let him be over his cold.)
Flying to California tomorrow with my baby to see Mallory! WE ARE NOW DAYTIME POTTY TRAINED. She turned two in mid-October. Still waiting for Stockholm to call her about the Nobel Prize for Achieving Milestones.
Oh, and she Skyped with Mallory’s parents, and Mallory’s dad held up a picture of him with Mallory so the baby wouldn’t think he was misrepresenting himself as “Friend Mallory Daddy!” Then he pretended to cry, and she kissed the screen, and then he was happy.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Friend Mallory Daddy ahhhhhhh
I have a resourceful nearly-18-month-old. Tell me of your brilliant child’s potty training.
Yes, please tell us about it! My kid is resisting attempts to potty train.
I tried to potty train my daughter during the summer when she was two-and-a-half, and there were a lot of accidents and crying so we went back to pull-ups for a while. When she turned three and still wasn’t fully trained I had nightmare visions of her wearing pull-ups to prom. And then right after her birthday, she moved up to preschool at her day care and was trained in less than two weeks after watching the big kids use the big-kid bathrooms.
The moral of this long-winded tale is, don’t worry if your kid isn’t ready yet! It is not a sign of bad parenting or developmental delays or physical problems if your kid can’t control his/her bowels at 18 months.
So, we put a little pot in most rooms, and we hand out a chocolate-covered almond (or two, depending on what is produced into the pot) as a reward, and we praise a lot, and don’t really react when there are accidents. We found it was easier to let her run around without pants while she got used to it, and the rest was all her. Oh, I do think that cloth diapers did help, because they can actually feel when they’re wet, so they’re used to knowing the process. From the time she was about a year old, one of us would have a shower with her, and then put her on the pot after it, and sometimes she’d use it and we’d make a big fuss.
We didn’t start really potty training formally until she was two, and in two weeks, she’s basically got it totally sorted. Not as well as my friend with the same-age twins, who is taking them to the store in underwear already!
TOTALLY thought you were saying that you and Mallory are now daytime potty trained, which amused me quite a bit.
Man, I sure hope we are.
Daytime potty training huzzah! Our mob will be THREE at the end of January and the Boy still isn’t relinquishing diapers, the lazy little bugger. But the girls are getting there. Next up, nap.night training.
It’s a boy thing. He’s not lazy, he just cares less. Trust me, this attitude regarding his toileting will last for… well, 18 years and 3 weeks, at least, according to my research.
(The one kid turned 3 in January and we had summer camps in June/July that required no diapers/pull-ups. I still have stress dreams about our efforts to accomplish that goal without terrorizing the little guy.)
Watch out for regression. I thought I had mine all potty trained and then she was like, “Hmm, nope, I think I’ll just pee wherever I happen to be standing instead.”
We had the worst regression in our oldest when the younger one was born. She was all ready, and then “Nope, if he ain’t doing it, then neither am I!”
Apparently I decided I had to be potty-trained when my mom brought my brother home when I was 2. They gave me all the talks about how I was a big girl now and I guess it stuck a little too well…as if my parents needed something more to do while they had a newborn!
Ha, that happened to me too. I took to carrying extra underwear and pants/skirts with me, it happened so often.
ETA: “that” being my daughter regressing, and the extra clothing was for her, not me.
Nicole! Our tiny monsters are almost exactly One Year Apart! Mine just turned one. I just can’t wait til he starts talking and we can stop expending all our goddamn energy playing baby charades. Potty training feels like a million years away.
thought some of you fellow book people might be interested in this – i just got hold of this book, which i am embarrassingly excited about considering jj abrams is involved: http://blogs.independent.co.uk/2013/11/01/friday-…
it’s really set my possession senses tingling! i guess if it’s rubbish i can always just re-read that. but i’ve flicked through it and there are so many postcards and letters and things tucked in. it’s like the jolly postman for grown ups!! now i need to make some tea to enjoy with it.
Whoa, I had not heard of this. I love J.J. Abrams! Follow up with what you think!!
Oh please please please can there be a Jolly Postman for grownups??? I mean, besides this one, which looks amazing. But really. I never know that JPFG was something I’d been dreaming about since I was 6 until you said that right now.
yes! i really need one. those books are the greatest.
OH!!! Yes that! I remember that now! Wow, thanks for reminding me about it.
this looks like something I would be Really Really In To.
I want to be done with transcribing already.
Aww, I love transcribing… What are you working on?
I love transcribing, too. Thank you for this big sense of relief. I am not alone. I’m still weird, just not for that reason, at least.
Fieldwork from my PhD interviewing Game of Thrones tourists. It’s tedious and also reminds me that I’m not a good interviewer. 😛
In that case, I hate transcribing, too – when it’s my own work. I enjoy that kind of work when the originator is someone else. Best wishes and good luck.
you guys I food poisoned myself with my own cooking >:|
I’ve taken this as a sign to listen to podcasts and drink Sprite all day. Grr. But at least I can eat toast and rice again
UGH HOW AWFUL. It sounds like you’re on the mend; take sweet kind care of yourself until you’re off the Sprite-rice-bread regime.
What was it that got you?? I need to know as I am constantly worried about poisoning myself.
Leaving out something with coconut milk in it for about a day, I think. Either that or cafeteria food from the university. WHO KNOWS
Your university doesn’t happen to be Stanford, does it?
http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2013/10/31/dozens-at-…
Ugh, hope you feel better. *hugs from a safe distance*
🙁
The worst part about doing shit like that is that you don’t have any fun scapegoats to blame. Glad you’re on the mend, though!
Hello! Are there any lovely Austin folks around? I will be in your fair city next weekend, with my best friend from uni, and we are hoping to do some shopping – do you have any suggestions? We like everything from hipster boutiques to the mall (our Canadian mall stores are different than yours). Thanks! xo
Not a native, just an annual visitor, but:
South Congress! There are a couple of blocks that are all fun vintage clothes, funky antiques, international markets, etc. etc. I think I went on a Thursday night once and there were a bunch of stalls set up like a flea market with random stuff? There’s also good pizza and ice cream in that area, which is essential!
South Congress is a bit spendy for my blood, though Parts & Labour (yes, they spell it that way) sells only local crafty things and is worth checking out. Feathers and Prototype are great. Blackmail is kind of overrated, I prefer Creatures, but haven’t been there in a while. New Bohemia is also down there if you’re looking for ladies’ vintage clothes. Their brother store, New Brohemia, is on South First, next door to my favorite record store End of an Ear. Here’s shopping guides for stuff, and usually you can get either good nearby food recos from the clerks or google it if they seem to be too cool for you.
http://www.vintagearoundtownguide.com/ http://vinylaroundaustin.com/
I am kind of picky about places to eat or drink in town, so I’ll just say I find Yellow Jacket (try the beet sandwich or the ham and gruyere), the Liberty, the Grackle (both this and Libs have Paul Qui trailers), and the Draught House (beer-only) to be fine places (dogs okay at all four, if that’s an issue) to drink. You could probably add the Cloakroom (a basement bar with a kinda awesome-bitchy old-lady-bartender near the Capitol that is a dealmakers’ spot during legislative sessions) to that. If you want to try a fratty Mexican martini (a nonslushy margarita), I find Trudy’s entertaining ( I love queso). If you want Tex-Mex and are still south, try Curra’s for avocado margaritas. Polvos is quite popular too (also south). Their ceviche is okay, but for real ceviche go to a restaurant with “mariscos” somewhere in the name. If you want veg food made by real hippies with the bonus of being across the street from Elijah Wood’s enormous house, go to Bouldin Creek Cafe.
There’s loads more, but if you two are remotely outdoorsy, renting a canoe or other doofy water vehicle and checking this art installation out is a thing: http://www.womenandtheirwork.org/current_exhibiti…
Or, you know, you can just walk and see the bats at sunset, if there’s any, and then walk over to see it illuminated.
Thank you thank you! I just got back from southern Mexico, so I am all pescado’d up, but this all sounds amazing! Those pubs with food trailers! I bet they even have happy hours (illegal in my province) Thanks again!
How does one dress up as a “fear of heights”? My friends are having a “Dress as Your Phobia” birthday party, and I’m at a loss except to wear a dress and pin Vertigo-style swirls to it.
paint ladders on your leggings and shaky little legs on a long t-shirt? Make yourself a railing to take with you and cling white-knuckled to it? I don’t know.
that sounds awesome! i think you’ve got this.
Ha, thanks! Everyone else’s ideas are really, really good, but pretty much too ambitious for me. (I am REALLY lazy and hate spending money on costumes.)
Just wear some high heels and occasionally look down and start screaming.
I don’t even own a pair of high heels above 2in.!
I joined a gym! I went for the first time yesterday and will be going again today. I’m going to need some help staying motivated (as if my tight waistbands weren’t enough).
Go you! You are awesome for doing this for yourself, and you’re going to be great at gym-ing, I know it.
High five!
This might be really juvenile… but I bought a calendar and a bunch of cute stickers and gave myself a goddamn gold star every time I went to the gym.
That is a brilliant idea. There is something so satisfying about earning a gold star, and as grownups we don’t usually get to experience that feeling.
I may need to try that.
I like this! I also heard someone else’s idea of “giving” yourself $1 each time you go. Then you will have some money to buy a new outfit when you lose the weight!
has anyone tried the gympact app? I think the concept is that you set a per week gym visit goal and then if you achieve it you get like $1 but if you dont, you have to pay like $5
I play a unit-cost game: I pay $X per month for the membership, so I try to see how low can I get the cost per visit each month. For some reason, this has worked better than just seeing how many times I can go in a month. On days when I’m not feeling it, I’ll go just to use the sauna, to keep myself in the habit of showing up–even during the holiday season, when it’s easy to get out of the pattern. Good luck! Join in on Feel the Burn!
Why did I sign up for NaNo it is as terrible an idea as it ever was
Oh no! It’s that month again?!?! *Starts making up excuses!* *Writes an entire novel’s worth of excuses.*
My back hurts
I have an itch on my toe
The office is cold
The sun exists
SPIDER
I am literally the worst human to ever exist on the planet
Free donuts
Definitely been trying to decide if I want to half-ass a couple of pages again this year, or if I just want to devote the month to working on/finishing short stories and essays to submit for online publication.
I’m doing a modified NaNo called #NaWri15Mo with some people where we just write for 15 minutes every day in November. It’s like Baby Steps NaNo, and it’s so perfect. Come join us! http://nawri15mo.tumblr.com/
See, this kind of timed challenge is what I want, because for me writing for word count produces horrible, unfocused writing that needs a ton of editing.
Yes, word counts make me anxious. Which is not to knock NaNo at all. I think it’s wonderful and I hope in some lifetime to have a November where that seems at all feasible. But for me, where I am now, 15 minutes a day is perfect. I can go longer if I have time or am in a groove, but I also can do just 15 minutes and feel pretty good about it.
I did 730 words and now I’m here. And this is a rare half-day off work, which ought to be the perfect start to Nano (give or take waking at 5:15 so I could get that half-day done before lunch.)
If the word count for the month stops at 730, I am not going to be surprised. (No, I am. I persevere. I will attain at least 740.)
(I’m meldaki over there if anyone wants to buddy me.)
Is anyone else playing Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies? If so, DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?????? I’m on the third case, probably close to the end.
I am not going to the meet up as I live on the other coast! The Bergy Bits have been mildly ill this week and I am just hoping they will be recovered by this weekend because they are all so cranky when they feel under the weather, and it’s grey and horrible outside and I don’t want to have to keep them cooped up as well.
I hope they get well soon!
My husband’s best friend just found out his wife is having triplets! She is a tiny little lady with a teeny tiny frame and my mind is boggling at the thought. Any advice for her on being pregnant with triplets?
On gosh! Well, hopefully she is already going to a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies; the nurse practitioner at the place I went to put me on a massive eating plan which I credit for my babies’ health (although it doesn’t really matter until the morning sickness is over). I recommend getting a “prenatal cradle” (essentially a sort of elastic harness for back support) as soon as possible, and a wedge pillow to rest her belly on for when she wants to lie on her side. And an electric breast pump, which if her doctor/nurse work with her she may be able to get insurance to cover at least partly – mine wrote a letter stating that breastmilk is proven to be the best food for babies and since I only have 2 boobs I needed the pump to facilitate feeding all three.
Tell them that she must make sure not to overexert herself – rest is VERY important. It is hard work growing people, as you know, and she’ll be growing three! Glare sternly at her husband while you say this.
On the emotional support side, I would suggest they do a multiples preparedness class at a nearby hospital, especially if they can tour the Newborn ICU as it’s likely they’ll spend at least a little time there, and I found it very helpful also to join a Facebook group for local parents of multiples.
I love how you say you only have two boobs like that’s abnormal.
Haha! The number of boobs is normal, but the number of children is stupidly huge 😉 and yes many many references have been made to that one chick from Total Recall with the three tits.
Guys it’s my birthday today! My family is buying me a new smart phone as a present, tell me what I should get??
Happy birthday! I have no phone recommendations because I just do the iPhone thing like everyone else and my reason for choosing was really as simple as “I dunno, I just like it better.” For what it’s worth, I believe the Android-y phones are better if you’re into customizing stuff more…? Hmm, I’ll quit while I’m ahead here, and hopefully someone who knows something can chime in.
So here’s a birthday gif instead of advice:
iPhones are the best, in my opinion. especially if someone is buying it for you!!! Happy birthday!
I have an HTC One and I love it! It has a really awesome camera and I got it at Best Buy so it’s a pretty metallic turquoise/blue. I’ve always used Android so I can’t speak to the other side, but I like that you can have “widgets” with info and stuff on the screen–like I can see my to-do list right there instead of having to click the app–and customize your layout away from a 1×1 grid.
Happy birthday! Another iPhone cause that’s just what everyone has vote. 🙂
Okay so today I was at the city’s administrative hearings office and while I was talking to the judge someone waiting in the courtroom got a call. He started talking on his phone right there in court and the judge yelled at him, so he said on the phone, “hey, I’ve got to go now, what’s a good time to call back?” and then the judge had to yell at him again, and then he finally put the phone away.
So later when I came back in it was that guy’s turn in front of the judge and guess what he was there for? A ticket for talking on his cell phone while driving. Highlight of my goddamn week.
Was his name Tom Haverford?
So, this past week, I’ve gotten really into writing verse translations of Ronsard poems, despite the fact that meter in English language confuses me endlessly (It’s my first language! Why is it so hard to know where the accent goes in a word?)
Also, I’m home alone this weekend and therefore responsible for cooking dinner just for myself. I’m a perfectly adequate cook, but I’m concerned I may end up eating just cheese every night. I love cheese so much!
I eat just cheese more nights than I should admit for dinner, so I fully sympathize with/sort of condone/enable you because also enabling myself this. Cooking for one is hard! Especially when you come home from work after an hour commute and halfway to rabid hungry and the cheese is just theeeeeeeeere.
I LOVE cheese so much too. Have you ever made Welsh Rarebit? I use this recipe, but I don’t add the eggs or tomatoes. It’s so great for autumn and winter.
Sounds good to me! There’s something so luxurious and perfect about making myself a little plate of cheese and fruit and nuts for dinner. I even have a specific wooden plate I use for those nights, so I can cut the cheese* without damaging an earthenware plate.
*I said it.
Ah, I was just thinking about this! I’ve always had trouble with meter, too. Like, I get the idea of it, but then can’t get it in the context of a poem. It baffles me how people can just immediately identify meter.
I had dental surgery on Wednesday (extracted a baby tooth and put in an implant post), so the last few days has been napping, watching bad TV, and eating soft foods. It’s weird that the day after was worse than the day of, but now I’m at the point where I can close my jaw all the way without wincing, so that’s good. And my parents came by with delicious grits yesterday, they are the best. I did miss Halloween celebrations, but maybe I’ll go out this weekend and buy cheap Reese’s peanut butter cups to soothe my pain?
Also, unexpected bonuses to dental surgery: ice cream for breakfast is totally legitimate, as is a milkshake for dinner. And I just made an entire pot of mashed potatoes and they’re all for meeeeeeeeee
FEEL BETTER, HOMES. I am getting the first half of a crown done tomorrow! (Honestly though my main worry is dealing with everybody going to the duck boat parade. WHOOPS.)
Feel better, my dental sister. STRENGTH.
Glad you’re recovering well – and well cared-for! Some of my favorite after-care meals:
– mac & cheese overcooked to make it extra-soft, mixed with frozen chopped spinach to cool it down enough to eat RIGHT NOW
– refried beans with smashed avocado
– creamed spinach over mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes
Incidentally, my oral surgeon told me it was totally normal to feel worse the day(s) after than the day of the procedure, so (assuming your doc didn’t tell you differently, and offered in case you’re a worrywart like me), that’s not unusual.
Is it rude to send out a list of things you DO NOT WANT for your baby? Is that the sort of shit that will get me put on the STFU Parents website? My husband and I will find out the gender of our baby in two weeks, and I KNOW that if we are having a girl, my family will buy terrible things.
Things I hate include:
1. Anything overwhelmingly pink
2. Headbands for babies, especially w/ giant bows and flowers
3. Glitter
4. Tutus
5. Things that say “Diva”, “Spoiled”, “Princess”, etc.
6. Animal Print
7. Basically anything overwhelmingly gendered
Like, dresses are fine, but half of the stuff I’ve seen while out shopping I find terrible. Obviously once the kid is old enough to express a preference we can revisit these styles, but for now we are the ones who are going to be dressing her.
Should I say nothing and just return the terrible things? What if they hand make something that is terrible?
My best friend suggested that we send my aunt who crochets things (the most likely culprit for terrible things) a list of things we would love to have, so I made her a pinterest board of things I love. I have a board for baby clothes and girl clothes… would it be enough to just send everyone that to let them know that these are things I don’t hate, or just let them waste their money?
Maybe I am just a very mean person.
This may not be an option due to family pressure, personal preference, other stuff, etc. But what if you keep the baby’s gender a secret until it’s born? Force everyone to buy delightfully gender-neutral clothing! (Unless these presents are all arriving after the baby arrives, in which case aaaahhh I do not know the protocol *panics and runs away!*)
My family already knows when we’re going to find out, and they would beat me up if I didn’t tell them.
Well now’s as good a time as ever to start setting boundaries regarding your family and the baby. But if you don’t want to do that, yes, I think it would be rude to tell people what not to buy. If you get stuff you hate, there are plenty of charities you can donate it to. Link your pinterest account to your facebook account so everyone can see all the gender neutral duckie themed baby clothes you’re pinning!
There are not nearly enough adorable gender neutral clothes, but the best ones I’ve found do tend to be covered in animals.
I personally recommend assigning someone to be the bitch for you, in this case. Have your best friend or your husband say “MrsTeacherFace is way too classy to say so, but she’s drowning in really girl pink stuff, and it’s just not her style, so if you’re thinking about getting her a gift, I recommend BLANK.”
There’s basically nothing you can do about a relative who crochets, but there’s a limit to how MUCH they can crochet, and I think you will find (at least I did) that your child increases in cuteness EXPONENTIALLY when wearing the tackiest shit. They transcend it, somehow.
Congratulations, and please email me. nicole at the hyphen toast dot net.
That is a great idea! My sister is awesome at being a bitch, and sometimes in a much more tactful way than I could manage.
Tactful bitch is the BEST superpower.
I initially misread this as tactical bitch, as in tactical nuclear bitch. Which might not be the best solution, as it will usually just result in mutually assured bitchsruction.
Seconding keeping it a secret. If your family knows you’re going to find out, you could always just lie and say the kid mooned the ultrasound tech the whole time and they couldn’t get the gender.
I will say, though, that if you have a girl, no amount of announcing what you want to avoid, no matter how polite or often or eventually loud, will stop the Gendered Crap explosion. Just get those gift receipts!
Oh man, this is a dilemma I had never thought about but is so spot on. I already have so many issues of my bf’s family buying ridiculous things for our dog, but it’d be so much worse with kids…
I mean, I have no advice for you at all, but good luck.
I would love to hear about the ridiculous things they buy for your dog.
You won’t care once it’s been vomited and pooped on and you’re barely awake enough to care what Baby is wearing… Or maybe you will, and you can throw it away when it happens, and you can just make a sad face and say it got horribly stained. Either way they grow out of everything so fast it’ll get replaced soon enough.
Babies are great and the best and I love them.
In that light, I am feeling an even stronger urge to avoid glitter and tulle. X0
I agree that you can’t tell people what you don’t want, but you can definitely let it be known through your general attitude that glittery pinkness ain’t your style – I mean, your close family and friends probably know you aren’t going to want Baby Barbie. If they handmake something that is terrible, put it on the kiddo, snap a photo for the maker, and put it away. Same for tacky store-bought. Babies outgrow clothes so fast it hardly matters if they wear an outfit once or, like, three times.
I didn’t find out the gender for my daughter, but we still got some pretty goofy outfits once she popped out a girl. Nicole’s right, your kid will transcend a lot of it and look surprisingly adorable. I actually found myself in Target buying a ridiculously pink bunny dress after 9 months of promising to raise her gender-neutral. WHATEVER BUNNIES ARE CUTE.
This might be a bit tangential, but when I was getting married, the first thing out of my mouth after “we are getting married” was a big rant about the wedding industrial complex and blah blah blah my personal thoughts on all the bullshit. That got peoples’ expectations in line.
Oh, and a gift of one of those giant-flower headbands led to one of my favorite photos of my daughter: Her, several weeks old, modeling the stupid headband and screaming her head off, red as a tomato. God bless her, she was having none of that bullshit.
We never got one of those headbands for our daughter, thank goodness. On the other hand, they are useful when you take the baby out. I had a number of people, especially old ladies, cooing over my daughter in the Whole Foods, saying what an adorable boy she was (even when she was wearing hot pink).
The epitome of everything I hate: Zebra Print, Pink, Tutu
I’m buying that for you and personalizing it with “Princess TeacherFace”
You/me: same.
MJoy and I approached keeping overwhelming gender normativity at bay by doing the following:
1. We did not tell people our daughter’s gender before she was born. Even though we knew. This is seriously the best approach to keep people out of your business. Lie through your teeth – it feels amazing.
2. Baby registry! Full of gender-neutral things! It will automatically make everyone assume that you’re having a boy (even if they think you don’t know!)! And it will stop them from buying girl things (because we are all secretly weird and kinda sexist)! I swear this works!
3. People do tend to give gift receipts at showers. Use them.
4. If someone insists on giving your possible daughter ultra-feminine things and you are not comfortable with that, don’t put them on her. My girl wears the whole rainbow (pink, too), but all things with the word “princess” on them mysteriously disappear the second they enter the house. It’s so weird. I think we have a temporal anomaly somewhere near her hamper.
5. Be ready to defend yourself, but minimally. If you have a particularly persistent family member who keeps coming at you with pink and glitter, you can flat-out tell them to stop it. No explanation, no apologies. We’ve had to have some talks with a close family member about her intense gender policing and we’re clearly going to have to keep having them for years to come. It’s just part of feminist momming.
Love your hamper’s temporal anomaly! I move often and certain decorative gifts mysteriously disappear. “It must have gotten lost in the move” is our standard explanation. Anything too big to have been lost was damaged in the move and had to be replaced – by something much more tasteful.
Also can I just say that the-toast dot net absolutely KILLED it this week. Good job guys.
I agree completely! I was planning on saying the same thing here. It was so fun!
Thank you!!
Has anyone tried eliminating gluten(just to see if I noticed any change) from their diet and then reintroduce it in one big binge meal (mmmmm such a yummy pizza) and then get a terrible migraine? Is it related? Is there a way to just eat a low gluten or does it have to be all or none?
I did this, and when I ate gluten again I had terrible reactions, although not migraines. I tried it a few times, you know, strictly for data collection purposes and not because I wanted to eat pizza and french toast. But the reaction was pretty consistent. I have since regretted my decision to give it up, which is ridiculous, because I do feel better in general. But still, it is tough to avoid. I can have small amounts without it messing me up, and I have also found I don’t react to Einkorn flour, so I am discovering just what a PITA it is (no pun intended) to make pizza dough from scratch. I’m probably also going to experiment with re-introducing it into my diet in low doses, you know, STRICTLY FOR SCIENCE and not because pastries.
TL/DR: I don’t know. If you find out, let me know.
I wouldn’t say migraines, but I have definitely gotten headaches after eating something with a lot of gluten. I try to do low-gluten, which for me usually means a pastry with breakfast (what can I say, I’ve never met a carb I didn’t like) and then no gluten for the rest of the day.
I get headaches every time I overindulge in any one nutrient.
I’ve got celiac, and if I ever do have gluten, migraine is definitely one of my symptoms. Usually a migraine and intense thirst are my first signs I’ve had it. If you don’t want to cut gluten out completely, try doing it on rotation (only having it once every 4-5 days), which is what my doctor suggested when they thought it was just a gluten sensitivity.
You’re probably not going to like this, but after I took the gluten antibody blood test (but before I found out the results) I went gluten free as an experiment. The day I was due to get the results, I went and had lushest almond croissant ever. I then proceeded to get my first migraine.
I also have celiac disease, which means no gluten, ever. If you “only” have a sensitivity (and it’s worth getting the antibody test and maybe even the scope, just to be sure you don’t have celiac disease), I would recommend looking carefully into your diet, to eliminate the items that are sources of smaller amounts of gluten. Eat gluten free for as long as you can, and then save your gluten eating for holidays, birthdays, etc. You might have to plan it so that you’ll have some downtime about 4-5 hours after you consume gluten. Drink lots of water, and take either a small amount of tranquilizer (Ativan, etc.) or an allergy pill. That should take the edge off the glutening. Also, make sure you can sleep it off.
Last week I posted about being overwhelmed by the process of finding a therapist, and I got a LOT of encouraging feedback (thanks!). Well, I did call my doc and asked for a recommendation/referral! And…she hasn’t gotten back to me yet. WTF. I will be calling the office again today to re-start the process. This is NOT HELPING.
On the bright side, we’re getting a new couch delivered today, so when I get home from work I’ll be able to snuggle up on a full-size, not sofa-bed couch with clean upholstery. My husband and I are taking bets on when we’ll spill food/drinks on the new couch…I’ve got my money on “before Monday.”
I have dreams about owning a new couch. Enjoy!!!
I am also in the process of finding a therapist. I got my doctor’s recommendation by making an appointment for my annual pap smear then throwing it in as a “by the way…” even though I know doctors hate it when you do that. So that’s an option, if they don’t call you back.
Good luck finding a good therapist! I went through a few before I found one that I really felt comfortable with. I’ve been seeing her for six years now (!), and the relationship has helped my mental health tremendously. I wish you the best for a sane and healthy person to help you with whatever you struggle with.
Any tips for dealing with crushing fatigue? Starting a few weeks ago this has been hitting me daily (no matter how much sleep I get), and it’s taking a toll on my social life when all I can manage after work is getting myself home and crashing on the bed.
I’m not planning on trying a doctor just yet – long story short, I had this same quasi-illness last year (symptoms also include various abdominal pains) and went to tons of doctors and had tons of tests and they got nothing for me (besides promising i wasn’t seriously or dangerously ill). So, I’m on my own for now. Any tips? *Forcing* myself to exercise more despite the exhaustion? Certain foods or teas?
Oh, boo. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. 🙁 Two things that come to mind are iron deficiency anemia and seasonal affective disorder. (I’m biased, though, because I deal with both of them to some extent.) For anemia, you might look into iron tablets, or increasing the amount of iron-containing foods you eat. For SAD, a therapy lamp can really help- I believe there’s a good one on Amazon for like $60 or $75, but if you’d rather not lay out the cash now, try to increase your sunlight exposure?
In any case, I hope you start to feel better soon. Be good to yourself.
My other painful physical symptoms are what make me doubt it’s just iron deficiency or SADS – but they could certainly be a factor. I definitely need more iron and sunlight in my life. Thanks for the reminder, and for the kind words! <3
I’ve never gotten stomach pains from my SAD, but I have gotten muscle aches and pains. Depression does sometimes have physical symptoms.
I imagine your doc tested your thyroid? Hypothyroidism runs in my family, so that’s always the first thing I think of when I hear “fatigue!”
Yep, they did test for thyroid issues, as well as for Lyme, etc. etc.
I do have my own suspicions (endometriosis), but many doctors just seem to want to say “Well if it’s not X, Y, or Z, it’s probably just IBS.” That’s their catch-all answer. Which, maybe, but it doesn’t explain everything (rib pain, pelvic pain…).
Anyway – thanks for the suggestion! If it gets really bad again, I will def go back to the doc for more tests…groan.
Ugh, that’s the worst. I was hooked on watching Mystery Diagnosis for awhile, and a common thread was always doctors not listening to/not believing patients who turned out to have really serious things wrong with them. (One of them actually was a woman with endometriosis whose doctors just flat out refused to test her for it.)
Have you considered celiac? (See above.) Many celiacs have weird symptoms, two of which include fatigue and depression.
In any case, I know it’s boring but sometimes a dietary overhaul can help, in case your diet is exacerbating your health problems. It’s hard when you’re already tired, but it might help do eat as carefully as you can for a while.
My mom started taking this supplement called NADH and it helped her fatigue a lot. I don’t really even know what it is, but may be worth looking into.
Did you try any elimination diets with the stomach pains?
Thanks – I’ll look for it! I did last year, both for gluten and lactose – no improvement. I’m thinking of trying again though, maybe things have changed.
I keep hearing of people with Hashimoto’s which explains and relates all the weird symptoms. I think you have to have the right kind of thyroid testing to diagnose it.
Anyway, whatever it is, sorry to hear you’re dealing with it. And I hope you find relief soon.
Wow, I had not heard of that – I will look into it! Thanks very much! And for the kind words <3
I dont know what your health insurance situation is, but maybe just call and ask your doctor to order a blood panel to check thyroid levels and a bunch of vitamins, like B12 and D and Iron. I’ve had similar stuff and usually when I felt like something was really wrong, like I was BEYOND normal levels of tired, something was actually wrong.
also, obviously you have already looked into a bunch of diet stuff, but what about probiotics? It seems like no one really completely understands that stuff yet, but a lot of stomach pain / fatigue stuff seems to be linked to gut health stuff. it cant hurt!
Good idea – I haven’t ingested anything probiotic related in forever, as far as I know. Definitely can’t hurt!
I did have the blood panel last year but again, maybe things have changed since then. I know I’ll probably go back for tests eventually…I’m just putting it off because I’m tired of the gamut of doctors and how they never seem to help.
Thank you, though! 🙂
Vitamin B really helped me.
One thing that helps me with chronic fatigue&pain is conserving energy. If I know there’s something coming up I want to do, I rest up for several days before and after. And then otherwise giving myself permission to say no to invites without feeling bad. Sometimes friends won’t understand, and that’s tough, but it’s not going to do you any good to feel bad about your limitations right now.
And then I echo other suggestions for food or supplements with: fish oil, b vitamins, d3 (especially if you live in a place w/out a lot of winter sun), and coq10. And try to stay away from heavy sugary or starchy foods which can increase fatigue.
Hmm, I just got back from some discussion group meeting that was sort of trying to make me realize Jesus is my lord and savior? Which was awkward because I’m Jewish and pretty agnostic. The people there were lovely, some of the nicest people I’ve met here, but it still made me hella uncomfortable.
YIKES. Was this whole conversion thing sprung on you? I’m so sorry, sometimes interacting with pushy Christians can really, really be tiring.
I did sort of know going in–at the club fair they tried really hard to sell it as a discussion group about life’s questions, with maybe a little slant towards God, but I looked up the organization and the website made it clearer that it was about Jesus. This girl I knew had gone and insisted it wasn’t really Christian, but I didn’t completely believe her. I went anyway because I was bored and vaguely curious how they would push their agenda, but given that I was prepared for it, I’m surprised at how it still made me uncomfortable. I think it was that they were still sort of attempting to hide the point of the group, when it was clearly one of those “Oh, you have questions about the world? Let me lead you to realize Jesus is the answer” situations.
Speaking of Netflix. If you look carefully at the picture this week you’ll notice the edge of an iPad. That is not an iPad that belongs to The Bartender. Apparently, airports now stick iPads on tables so that customers can be entertained/can order food without speaking to a human being/ not have to look at the disgusting person across the table even if that person happens to be traveling with them? This is weird. Weird, I tell you!
ugh. they have this in the Delta terminal at LGA and it is the absolute pits. Except that you can binge drink before a flight and feel less judged? I mean, not that I’ve done that. But.
WAIT THAT SOUNDS AMAAAAAZING
NO.
I’ve been attempting to pants-shop recently, and it is The Worst. I generally like clothes-shopping, but pants are impossible. I like wearing you, pants, why don’t you like me???
(P.S. Does anybody have a go-to brand or style for the smallish-waist/largeish-hips-and-thighs body type? I also have fat calves so a lot of skinny-type pants are difficult, even though they’re cooler-looking than boring old work slacks.)
Yep, pants shopping sucks. I don’t know what size you are, but I recently had a small breakthrough by ordering all of the Levi’s Curve ID options in my size and keeping the one that had the least gapping in the waist. They have a couple of options for women who have the whole hourglass waist thing going on, but I am pretty straight up and down in the waist/hips area, so I couldn’t tell you how good they are.
I too have big legs including calves, and I really like their straight cut jeans (plus once I have a little money left over I’m going to get them tailored to taper a bit. This is the only way I’ve found to get a pair of skinny jeans that will actually look nice on my big ol’ cycling calves)
Weirdly, I’ve found that the cheap brands of work slacks somehow accomodate my large thighs better than pricier ones. Banana Republic and the Gap wide-leg trousers are my go-tos right now.
Seconding the suggestion for Banana Republic. I also have some strechy black pants from 7 For All Mankind that I got on sale at Nordstrom Rack that I love because they <closethegap>.
For work pants, I love the Gap slim crop pants & I also own pants from Talbots, I think they are their Classic fit. For non-work pants, Uniqlo ultrastretch jeans are awesome & would probably work well for just about everybody!
Target and Old Navy have been fairly good to me over the past few years. I’ve found success with non-commital shopping, too. Just go in, try on everything (both things you think you’ll like, and things that are iffy) in multiple sizes and fits, and something will pop out that you didn’t expect. And, because you’re being non-commital, you won’t be so disappointed when you don’t find anything.
I recommend the Old Navy Rockstar Denim jeans for this. They are skinny, but they have good stretch to accommodate legs/hips and they have a mid rise option if you like to hide your buttcrack and they are cheap. sizing can be kinda weird tho, so try a few colors/sizes on. I have a few pairs in different colors and they are two different sizes.
Body twins! Does anyone have suggestions for straight/skinny cords with a higher waist? In addition to having peasant legs, I also have a long-ish torso that makes low rise pants tricky.
Liz Claiborne pants used to work really well for me, with a similar body type. I haven’t bought them in a while, though, so I don’t know whether they’re still a good fit. (They certainly aren’t particularly cool-looking, as a rule.)
Ugh, I’m not depressed exactly, but I think it’s the lack of sunlight that is making each week feel about twenty years long. Time to look into a sun lamp?
I finally ponied up for a sun lamp this year and it’s been worth every penny. (Don’t have a SAD diagnosis, but my energy and mood regularly crashes in late fall-early winter.) I’m not freaked out by the time change any more! I mean, I’m still not delighted by it, but I know my little lamp’s there to get me through.
Let’s go halfsies on one and huddle together in front of it.
I’m finally happy lamp-ing up this winter (this weekend, in fact). I am also planning on getting a coffeemaker with a timer that will live in my room, as added out-of-bed incentive. (Plus, making French press coffee is fine on weekends but extremely not my jam on work mornings.)
What’s the best book you’ve read so far this year?
Mine is a tie, but neither of them were published this year. The Orphan’s Tales: In the Night Garden, by Catherynne Valente, and Little, Big, by John Crowley (which, technically, I haven’t finished yet, because I am stretching it out to last as long as possible, I am enjoying it that much.)
Americanah! Hands down.
YES! I was replying to see exactly that!
Dancer by Collum McCann! So, so, SO good.
Yay, Little, Big! I loved that book. My favorite fiction this year was probably When Sisterhood Was in Flower, which I found through the hairpin. Favorite non-fiction probably Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach (although sometimes it was a bit spacey? for me).
Oh no, I can’t pick just one! I recently finished The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, which needed more main female characters but which was balls-out bananas and really good. Scott Lynch is a MASTER at plotting. Also Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell, which sounds like brown-nosing but really isn’t, The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth, aaaaand I’ve already forgotten everything else I read.
I am reading Tinkers right now. It may be the prettiest book, language-wise, that I have ever reading.
Also it was the guy’s first novel and he won a Pulitzer for it! Live the dream, dude.
Submergence!
Probably a tie between Bringing up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel and A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan.
Tell The Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt, even though it was a reread (I read it in December ’12 for the first time, then immediately reread it in January).
I think it might have been The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse by Louise Erdrich. I haven’t even read a lot of her other books that tie into this, but it was still great. It’s hard sometimes to find authors who can combine beautiful emotional writing and introspection with a really great plot.
YES!
Life after Life, by Kate Atkinson. Still thinking about it, months later.
War on Christmas starts today.
Also it was my birthday yesterday and I weathered about 14 shots from friends before I was like “no, just buy me a goddamn beer”, and today does not feel very good.
The problem with going out to drink on one’s birthday is waking up the day after wishing you were dead (which seems like a strange way to celebrate one’s birthday).
Get some pizza and some gatorade in you!
This post is just to say that I’ve been super missing the Toast recently. Things way picked up in my professional life, so the Reading the Internet portion of my days has been greatly diminished and I have legit felt lonely for y’all, even though I’m only a sometimes contributor. I hope this is sort of semi-normal. . .? Anyway, hi and I’ve missed everybody. Especially last week, I had way too much work, plus some weird and sort of scary health/body stuff (mostly resolved now?), and this week is so much better in every way. Especially because I even found time for a a peek at Cocktail Hour!! Hugs all around.
Quit your job!!!
This is obviously the only correct answer to my situation.
Cosigned. 🙁
LAST NIGHT I WENT TO THE FRENCH LAUNDRY
I’M STILL FULL I’LL BE FULL TIL I DIE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did you eat?!? Details!
oh my GOD I ATE EVERYTHING. Someone sent us a gift certificate (!!!) to there so we ate it FOR FREE. GUYS. GUYYYS. I don’t even k. There were things poured on other things. CINNAMON FOAM happened to my mouth at one point. Bread thing? Butter tower. VICHYSOISSE. I can’t spell that word. as;ldkfja;sdlkfj
I ATE A WHOLE TRUFFLE
not like by itself
(stonily ignores whole thread, riddled with jealousy and envy)
But Nicole you have been to Eleven Madison, no? Which is so very worth the fanciness as well.
SO JEALOUS
YOU GUYS I just happen to have a work trip in San Francisco next week! I’m getting in at 8 PM on Monday (if there are no delays) and you can bet that the first thing I will be doing is high-tailing it to the meetup! I really hope I make it!
The sweetest, nicest person I know just told me that ‘based on her research’ no one should ever get vaccinated and getting your fillings removed is a great way to prevent cancer. She’s also a 911 truther. I only have one question about this, and that question is…What?
Is she so nice she believes everything everyone tells her because she doesn’t think people would lie? (My mother will believe anything if it’s typed out and prefaced with the words “studies show”).
She definitely has a certain…lifestyle, and will pretty much believe anyone who shares it.
Getting my fillings removed would also a great way to experience tremendous tooth and nerve pain, not to mention the possibility of a life-threatening infection – sounds fun!
I’m pretty sure you can treat any life-threatening infections with diet and lifestyle changes 😉
Oh, man, people who believe email forwards but are otherwise lovely are so frustrating! I feel you.
I’m afraid it goes deeper than that, my friend. She has literature- book-type literature -that I’m encouraged to borrow.
Fear. That’s my experience. It’s always fearful people who adopt these ideas. Each of us believes what we *want* to believe. I’ve started asking “why would you want to believe that?” when evidence-challenged folk attempt to convert me.
ETA: started, not stared; want, not wan
I’m guessing she hasn’t gotten on the colloidal silver train yet, because you probably would notice if she turned blue (from argyria). I have nothing to add.
Well, actually, don’t bring up fluoridated water either.
It’s so dismaying to hear stuff like that from people you otherwise like.
I applied for a part-time job?!?! If I get it it might be a little overwhelming (i.e. it will cut into my Tumblrin’ time), but it sounds really cool, and more in line with what my “dream job” would be than my actual current job. I’m also already mentally spending that cash money so I hope I get it!
Good luck!
You guys,
My first academic article ever was accepted to a journal today.
Toast for everyone!!
Congratulations! That’s huge!
How exciting! Congratulations!
Congratulations! That’s so exciting! I just submitted one a few days ago, maybe some of your luck will rub off on me!
Yay! Congratulations to you!
You guys are all the best.
I feel like a failure this week, for some reason.
Any tips on good ways of pep-talking oneself?
Failure isn’t something you are, it’s something you do. And it’s only something you do when you have attempted something in the first place. You’ve attempted being human, possibly the hardest thing ever, something no one has ever gotten right. Being alive, attempting things, look at you! You did things, you were brave, you tried! Imagine Kermit the frog waving his floppy green arms in celebration of this fact. (Kermit voice) Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!
I feel this way all the time, so I have to celebrate the little things. Even just getting out of bed on some days. Sometimes that’s an accomplishment.
I almost forgot! Blow off all the undermining you’ve gotten this week. Those people were wrong. You’ve got a handle on things and can totally take care of business. That includes your own internal monologue of telling you you fucked up. That monologue can stuff it unless it volunteers only positive advice. I’ll give it a stern look from over here too.
I think you just have to embrace how cheesy it feels and then tell yourself you’re awesome. Or “this too shall pass,” or whatever works. I’m also partial to blaring either relentlessly positive music or my playlist of very, very sweary songs and singing all the FUCK YOUS as loudly as I can until I know longer give a shit what anyone, including myself, thinks. (I should have done this for myself today.)
Also, empowering play list? and dancing?
So, exactly what Jennjenn said!
It’s always nice to start with basic things: I showered at least once this week; I met whatever was the minimum standard for doing work today (or at least got there on time for once).
Then you can go on to list the good things you’ve gotten done, or at least helped the sum of the world stay benign: I solved x problem involving y; I helped resolve (something stupid to you but important to other people); I didn’t accidentally start drama between other people.
After that comes reliving past glories: Yay, I did a thing that was awesome and right!
And then you can be all: Next week, I haz a plan! I can fix this one thing that didn’t work out this week! (Or three, or ten.) It is within my power, as is evidenced by my previous triumphs! There’s always something my boundless intellect and enthusiasm can tackle and surmount! Or at least I can reapproach it from a different perspective, which might have the answer.
But right now, it’s the weekend, so you can relax and get plenty of rest to attack things next week. You’ve done it before, so it’s not hard. If writing lists is your thing, write out all the steps you’ll need to take, or think them out. Life chess: while spontaneity is great, maybe playing through some backup plans helps to narrow down options. Visit with friends? Listening to what they’ve done lately might give you ideas.
If it’s more of a general malaise, sign up for a class if you can afford it, or make a reading list if you want to learn more about something before committing. I’ve got sewing and basic handgun instruction queued, but ymmv. Anything you’re interested in but haven’t done yet, do the basic information-gathering. I feel everyone is smart enough to learn anything they really want to. I took that and ran with it and taught myself how to knit, even though all the books at the time were garbage about explaining short rows.
tl;dr You are still awesome; nobody, including you, should expect life to be a continual series of successes, that’s a bullshit storyline. It’s okay to not get shit done once in a while. Go for a walk and don’t think about yourself on it, just enjoy nature getting its own shit done and how it’s pretty cool that we’ve moved on from foraging and hunter-gathering and idk, now we’re peeing indoors and have a variety of feminine hygiene products to declaim. Also, as a former super-lurker, your comments are great, so you can always say to yourself, “Random anonymous person thinks I’m the bee’s knees, so take that, people who think they know me!”
Anyone else totally freak out before having company over? I used to get super worked up about it, even though I love the time when the guests are actually at my house. I used to be all “AAAHHH! Everything in my house is not meticulously clean and in order! They’ll hate the food I’m making! Everything sucks!” but in the last few years I have chilled out a lot and only have a mild cleaning frenzy attack the day before.
However, today I totally reverted to my old self and had a total freakout about the company we’re having tomorrow. I agreed to host a get-together for some people who go to our lovely Episcopal (sorry, Mallory) church, and ended up being given a much longer list of invitees than I expected. Then they almost all said they would come, so I have FIVE families of 4-5 people coming over tomorrow. Plus my family of four. And I never got around to clearing out my sun porch in the last few weeks, which had to be done because we need the space. This afternoon, instead of cleaning, I had an hour-long sobbing fit. My husband was totally confused when he got home. Everything but the dishes is done now and they’re all lovely people so even though things aren’t perfect, I’m sure they’ll be as kind and accepting as I have known pretty much everyone at that church to be, but I am still freaking out a little.
It might have something to do with the fact that my husband is probably having a Crohn’s flare up and is having a scope done on Tuesday. I did start sobbing about 5 minutes after I took the call about his appointment time…
Logging in a lil late to report that even though October is normally my favorite month (birthday, Halloween, fallyness, etc) so much STUFF happened (not bad, just LOTS and INTENSE) that I am so so so relieved it is November 1st and actually feel a tangible difference in my outlook on life. For some reason I feel new things are afoot and I am excited for them.
~*~spreading my positive vibes to all the Toasties~*~
and I am so pumped for the meetup!
I need some advice for a friend. Ok so my best friend just started his first full time big kid job. And it’s a terrible job and horrible for his personality (he’s an introvert with social anxiety and the job is customer service where he is on the phone all day with strangers) so of course he’s overwhelmed and hating it. Does anyone have any advice I can give him that things will get better? Like encouraging books or articles?
He was unemployed for 9 months before this so he can’t quit and I just need some way to boost his spirits until he can find another job. I think he thinksthis is how all jobs are going to be and is getting overwhelmed. He also has a one hour commute and has to be in the office at 7am so I thi k the long days and the fact that it is the same thing over and over and over is making this all worse. I worry he’s going to be so tired out from this that he wont look for other jobs because he thinks this is as good as it’s going to get. And he wont listen to ke because my job kind of sucks so if anyone has good articles or books about this I would really appreciate it! Thanks!
Ah, I was just thinking about this! I've always had trouble with meter, too. Like, I get the idea of it, but then can't get it in the context of a poem. It baffles me how people can just immediately identify meter.
Ha I think so! But by training maybe? I have certainly read them all and I can't even remember.
It is now Monday, but I just had to share that I’ve finally found out what I need to do to become a British citizen. I can’t wait to have that passport in my hand. Long live the Commonwealth!!!
I LOVE FLAVIA! I was just going to suggest these books. I find them fun and delightful!
I'm not sure I would classify them as "cozy", but I enjoy S.J. Bolton's Lacey Flint novels.
That is so dang sweet :'-)
That sounds like it would be amazing. I wish we did live near a snowy wood but we live in a small apartment in Brooklyn instead with no outdoor space.