Annabel had not been herself recently, that was for sure.
After graduation, she had finally been more interested in Paul’s hobbies: watching him play Grand Theft Auto, listening to him talk about Chuck Palahniuk, making pizza bagels when his friends came over. During college, she’d been kind of a drag, honestly; devoted to her work, Annabel spent most of her time at the library or cruising JSTOR. This new, less-focused Annabel had been music to Paul’s ears. But these last two weeks, something had changed.
“Paul!” she had said excitedly, just as he got home from work, “have you heard about JPASS?”
“Is it that new laser tag place?”
“No,” she said, her brow furrowing. “It’s this new product JSTOR is offering that lets you access 83% of their archival journals for a reasonable fee, even after you’re out of college. You can read AND download the articles you’re interested in, and it saves them in one place for you. Did you know there are over seven MILLION articles available? It’s like the Twilight Zone episode where the guy finally has time to read all his books, but without the horrible scene where he breaks his glasses!”
“Is that really something you want?”
“Haven’t you been listening? I’ve felt so empty since graduation. Flicking through Vogue, wishing it was 291.”
“What’s 291?”
“Do you ever listen to me? It was this little literary magazine that only ran from 1915-1916 in New York. When I was searching the archives, I figured out I could read all the back issues of the Kenyon Review. Did you know that it’s won more O. Henry awards than any other non-profit publication? Flannery O’Connor! Maya Angelou! W.S. Merwin!”
“So, is that why you didn’t come to my work party? I know it was at Down the Hatch, but a lot of the other girlfriends were cool with it.”
“I already bought a gift subscription for my cousin Angie. You know she’s homeschooling because Julie is playing Pepper in the national tour of Annie, and now she has access to way more resources than she could have dreamed of. Her son has been obsessed with Mechademia since they first started browsing together, and now he’s starting to draw his own manga.”
“Oh.”
“Paul, we need to talk. I’m beginning to think this relationship may have run its course. It’s not you, it’s me. Me and JPASS.”
“Are you breaking up with me for a digital library?”
“JPASS always remembers what I’m interested in. JPASS loves when I go off on wild tangents. JPASS lets me pretend I’m still in college, but without the tuition and the lanyards and the jocks eating all the pasta before I get to the front of the line. JPASS is what I’ve been waiting for, Paul. At first, I just signed up for a month, which was a great way to figure out if JPASS makes sense for me, and then I bought a year. It rolled over all my downloads seamlessly, and now I have more than a year of journal content to keep me company!”
“Wait, whose shirt is that?” Paul asked, his voice cracking.
“Oh, this?” Annabel said, “did you know JSTOR has a STORE?”
Paul shut his eyes, and wondered who was screaming.
It was him.
Lifelong learning, college resources without the tests and feckless boyfriends. What can JPASS do for you?
