“5 New Techniques for Watching DVR’d Golf Tournaments (You’ll Never Look at Your Fast-Forward Button the Same Again)”
“Our Favorite Summer Tube Socks”
“Puns for All Occasions”
EPWordsnatcher+4
My dad would buy this issue twice.
jhsaxena+9
Really enjoying that Dads is a category now.
MalloryOrtberg+5
I made it last night!
mattielubchansky+3
What an honor!
anxious_mofo+13
“Making Great Time” is an article my stepdad needs to read. He has zero conception of how long it actually takes to get places.
“Dad Jokes: Tips for Getting an Unappreciative Audience to Lighten Up”
mkpatter+16
“Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty: You Don’t Need to Know What They Do!”
EPWordsnatcher+6
Inside: fourteen pages of money-saving Home Depot coupons!
lyetteann+14
“Find the Best GPS–Then Never Turn It On!”
Yet To Register+37
“Book Reviews: we bought a handful of paperbacks with tall ships on their covers.”
Sidebar: “Here are some weird facts about the Civil War, in case you needed a refresher.”
“Sand Down to a Perfect Dovetail, Every Time”
“Shocking Dad Confessions: ‘I’m not really that into Springsteen'”
bgprincipessa+5
bite your tongue
halleloujah+17
“No Squirrels Allowed: Protect those bird feeders 365 days a year!”
EPWordsnatcher+17
lyetteann+9
Oh my god, my husband goes out of the house and YELLS AT THE SQUIRRELS. Our neighbors probably think we’re insane.
EPWordsnatcher+5
Does…does that work?
lyetteann+9
In the short term? Yes. Once he’s back in the house, though…
Mostly I think it just makes him feel better.
mattielubchansky+4
When I was a kid, my dad would fill a bucket with ice cubes, and we’d go on the porch and hurl them in the direction of the squirrels to I think spook them into leaving forever. Also we would yell at them? I’m glad he didn’t accidentally start some insane Squirrel War of Attrition
theharpoon+3
ah the paradox of still being able to see the birdfeeder from the porch while simultaneously making it squirrel-inaccessible
huntress wizard+9
And the cult favorite follow-up, “Goddamn Mourning Doves Eating All The Birdseed and Shitting All Over the Porch”
daisymap+32
“Morning has Broken: Why The Hours Between 5 am and 8am Are The Sweetest Hours To Be Awake”
“The 14 Day Rule: Great One-Person Recipes for Things That Are Still Perfectly Good To Eat.”
br1gid+10
These headlines are proof that I am just turning into not just ANY dad, but my OWN dad.
SeaVineyard+2
“Honey, it smells fine!” and “Dont’ throw that out! Its still good.”
I shudder sometimes when I think about what my dad is potentially eating.
TLO+4
“UR.” 😀
EPWordsnatcher+5
“LOL: What does it really mean?”
stuffisthings+8
Wait do I have to have children to subscribe to this? Where do I sign up? I need to know about these marinades.
glitterary+30
“A Loaded Question Is Better Than A Loaded Gun: how to intimidate your daughter’s new boyfriend without anyone calling the police!”
“Betrayal: What To Do When Your Kids Root For The Opposing Sports Team”
“23 Ways To Light A Barbecue, All Of Which Are Better Than The Way Your Neighbour Tried To Do It At His Party Last Year, Goddammit”
practical cat+10
“Betrayal” is totally a recurring column.
“Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Vote for the Opposing Party”
“Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Go to the Rival State School”
“Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Follow a Different Career Path”
franceschances+1
I love this!
EPWordsnatcher+30
“Navigating the Madness: Your Guide to Highly Time-Efficient Mall Shopping With or Without Your Family.” (Step 1. Figure out exactly what you want. Step 2. Call and confirm they have it in stock. Step 3. Figure out where it is located in the store. Step 4. Find the closest entrance. Bonus if it’s the entrance near the tool section of the Sears. Step 5. Power-walk through the mall, ignoring the pleas of your teenage daughter to “slow down, Dad!” or your wife to “Hang on, I just want to pop into Williams Sonoma.” Step 6. Obtain item. Pay. Power-walk back to the car. Do not stop, do not pass GO, etc. Step 7. Profit.)
icebergmama+1
“Step 7. Profit.”
you kill me!
EPWordsnatcher+3
TIME IS MONEY
Abanthis+6
We call that making a Viking raid on [shopping location]. To be fair in some places (Oxford Circus, for example) it’s necessary, but Dad did not appreciate the time he tried to do this and then there was a sale at Monsoon adding an hour and a half to shopping time.
ZouBisouBisou+4
THIS IS TOO PERFECT FOR WORDS
EPWordsnatcher+25
“Who Says You Need A Professional? Six plumbing and electrical home improvement projects you can totally do yourself, really.”
aravisthequeen+10
“How To Fix All Those Boneheaded MIstakes The Previous Homeowner Left”
EPWordsnatcher+7
Six Summer Movies You’ll Love (Trolls and/or Explosions Guaranteed!)*
*This may or may not come straight out of the Dad Wordsnatcher handbook
TLO+22
“What Your HDMI Cables Say About You”
icebergmama+15
OMG this article and all the comments are perfect.
DAD Magazine Fashion Issue: The Best Suspenders for Your Body Shape Bow Ties For Every Occasion Jeans under $15 (They’re Perfectly Good)
icebergmama+1
also can you please do Mom, Grandma, and Grandpa magazines next? xxx
jhsaxena+24
GRANDPA MAG: Here’s the punchline to that joke you forgot at Passover
EPWordsnatcher+16
GRANDMA MAG: 27 Ways to Passive-Aggressively Criticize Your Child’s Parenting Skills
(edit: maybe just my family here)
lyetteann+8
No, no: it’s everyone’s family.
tragicallyludicrous+11
MOM MAG: Who All Those Guys On Game Of Thrones Are
annejumps+16
Shirts You Can Buy At Kroger
TLO+2
On the subject of suspenders, can someone clarify something about the magazine cover? That’s a camera strap, not a pair of, like, halter-top suspenders, right?
icebergmama+2
DEFINITELY a camera strap (daughter of photographer here)
tragicallyludicrous+4
Jackets: What Weight Do You Need
EPWordsnatcher+27
Your Guide To Buying One Style of Shoe For The Rest Of Your Life
cherrispryte+4
OMG I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MY DAD THAT DID THIS.
EPWordsnatcher+12
My dad has one style of tennis shoe. When one pair gets worn out they get demoted to Mowing Shoes and he goes out and buys a new, identical pair. You can tell them apart because the mowing shoes end up green.
cherrispryte+14
Are they a specific pair of New Balance that were fashionable in the ’70s/’80s, and then horribly out-of-style, but then became trendy again like 3 years ago? Because if so, hello long-lost sister!
EPWordsnatcher+7
OH MY GOD
schnoodle+2
Holy crap. My father-in-law buys his next pair up to two years IN ADVANCE. The internets has made this too easy.
aravisthequeen+11
“Repair Those Shoes with Duct Tape: A Quick and Easy Guide to Embarrassing Your Wife and Kids.”
n.b. my dad did this
anninyn+5
“Your Jeans are BETTER two sizes too big”
“Who needs a wallet? Why your pockets are the perfect place for loose change”
(I am not kidding here, I once found 25 quid in loose change scattered all over the living room floor)
deleted2997279+10
“Jeans under $15 (They’re Perfectly Good)”
Follow up issue
“How To Tell Those $15 15 Year Old Jeans Need Replacing”
icebergmama+8
“Patches: Wear Those $15 Jeans For The Rest Of Your Life”
practical cat+2
“Are They Still Jeans if They’re >50% Patches?”
EPWordsnatcher+8
“Convincing Your Wife Not To Throw Away Those Perfectly Good $15 15 Year Old Jeans”
annehelenpetersen+12
“How to Buy All of Your Clothes From Costco: Kirkland Signature For Life!”
quadrophonicsound+4
Are Jeans Really Necessary? A Compelling Argument For Wearing Sweatpants Everywhere
(If there aren’t holes or stains, then they’re “nice” sweatpants/Good enough to go grocery shopping, good enough to go out for fast food with the family)
thesarahgirl+27
“Tinkering!”
“The 30 Best Episodes of Car Talk You’ve Never Heard”
“Socks with Sandals: So Practical, So Stylish”
tragically ludicrous+8
Fashion: What Weight of Coat Do You and Your Family Need For This High-Pressure System
icebergmama+10
Yard Sales: Sure you Don’t “Need” a Canoe, But It’s Only $50!
(icebergmama’s Dad: lifelong yard sale devotee)
bgprincipessa+13
Yard Sales: I Bet You Can Make That 1970 TV Work Again
Quick Brown Fox+9
How Calling Something a Logical Fallacy Is Not “Mansplaining”
What Even ARE Throw Pillows?
Different Places To Read In Summer
(My pop is an English teacher.)
Slutface+66
25 Reasons You Should Save That Box It Came In.
EPWordsnatcher+3
brilliant perfect forever
daisymap+3
This is my favourite.
EPWordsnatcher+5
“Don’t Throw It Away, The Parts Might Come In Useful Someday”
mkpatter+7
omg, am I…a Dad?
EPWordsnatcher+2
You might be! How many pairs of identical white tennis shoes do you own?
mkpatter+2
NONE, but only because I can’t wear them!
deleted2997279+19
Who Does It Better?! We Put Kids Versus Automatic Carwashes to the Test!
EPWordsnatcher+8
My dad would be writing in a heated op-ed: “Touch-Free or Nothing: Why Automatic Car Washes Are Not To Be Trusted.”
EPWordsnatcher+6
Dad Logic: 32 Explanations For Questions They’re Bound to Ask!
deleted2997279+12
Top 10 Outfits Most Likely to Embarrass Your Middle School Daughter!
(I think of these one at a time)
Firoola+22
15 New Lawn-Mowing Styles For Summer!
The Perfect Bright White Running Shoe For Your Shape
That’s Perfectly Balanced! 8 Household Items That Can Also Serve As Ladders At Short Notice, And Which Are Not A Safety Hazard, Who Cares What Your Kids Say
EPWordsnatcher+6
New Designs to Mow Into Your Lawn to Impress Neighbors (and Yourself!)
alpelican+16
Tire Pressure Gauges For All Occasions
Threatening Weather: What it Means for Your Weekend
figwiggin+23
YouTube: You Can Use It To Listen to the Same Steely Dan Song Five Times in a Row!
Where to Find the Crunchiest Peanut Butter Imaginable
How to Tell Your Daughter That She Should Really Grow Potatoes
figwiggin+8
These may be a little specific.
jhsaxena+71
STEELY DAD: The all dad Steely Dan cover band
annehelenpetersen+3
I tried to like this comment again and it wouldn’t let me
EPWordsnatcher+4
Jaya, I still occasionally think of STEELY DAD and burst out laughing wherever I am.
annehelenpetersen+1
these are all just perfect.
yancssb+14
“‘Huh?’ 10 Great Responses That Halt Your Kids’ Questions In Their Tracks”
“Would You Rather Build Models Than Have Sex With Your Wife? TAKE THE QUIZ”
“Covert Napping Like You’ve Never Seen Before”
“A Glimpse Into The Future—10 New Dads Interview 10 Dad Vets”
EPWordsnatcher+5
Monthly advice column, “Decoding Your Child’s Texts”
rococopacetic+26
Back Roads are the Best Roads: How to Never Take a Highway Again
Katyola+10
Shhhoot! (And 15 Other Ways to Bite Off Curse Words Around the Kids)
When It’s Time to Pass on the Billy Beer Collection to Your Son
27 Ways to Use Your Discarded Peanut Shells
telephonoscope+13
“‘But Is It Gore-Tex?’ 7 Reasons to Always Check”
“Chance Favors the Prepared Mind: Tips for Planning Your Next Trip to the Grocery Store”
“Now We’re Cookin’ With Gas: 10 Foods You Didn’t Know You Could Grill!”
annehelenpetersen+5
Or, my Dad’s personal favorite, “Is Your Gore-Tex Still Working? 10 Ways to Pay Money to Check at REI”
icebergmama+22
Emotional Conversations: How To Change The Subject To Window-Glazing, Every Time.
alternately, How To Express Love To Your Children Through Window-Glazing Advice
(just my dad?)
EPWordsnatcher+1
Aw, Dad Iceberg.
anninyn+16
“Awkward phone calls to your daughter: How and When to make them”
“Where to find a new version of that Dr Seuss Tshirt you wore for twenty years”
“That jumper: Why your family shouldn’t have thrown it out.”
“Your cat: How to keep your soppiness a closely-guarded secret”
And probably quite specific, this – “How to argue so viciously about map-reading with your partner that you daughter takes over the task at the age of eight”
anowlindaylight+2
Dad Jeans: The Ultimate Buying Guide.
stuffisthings+5
Finally a lifestyle magazine photoshoot that BARACK gets to be in.
rococopacetic+7
“‘Eh, Did That Clown Die?’ One Dad Comes to Terms with the Loss of Larry Hagman”
rococopacetic+6
This is a direct quote, but of course I can’t divulge my source.
yancssb+6
“‘The Talk,’ Translated Into Sports Metaphors Any Idiot Would Get”
“Old Tech/New Tech: A DIY Guide To Get Your VHS Deck Up And Running Again”
“Vinyl DOES Sound Better Than Digital—And Our Tests Prove It”
eudora+4
i kid you not my dad owns both a green bay packers shirt and a camera strap that attaches to a fancy camera he can barely use. this cover is maybe too perfect.
thesarahgirl+13
“Oven Pizza Taste Tests: DiGiorno or Store Brand?”
“10 Best Political Petitions to Forward to your Kids and Coworkers”
“Cutoffs: Give Those Old Jeans a New Life”
EPWordsnatcher+3
We’re talking about old Dad Jeans up top, come join us.
yancssb+5
“Smartphones: Yeah, You’re Probably Going To Have To Get One Eventually”
“Debit Cards: Just Like Writing A Check, Only Better!”
drladybusiness+7
“Voicemail IS Better than Texting, New Study Says”
ipomoea+21
“Costco Fashion: It’s Not Just For Pallets Of Trail Mix Anymore”
“Get In The Middle Of The Goddamn Lane: The Poetry of Teaching Your Teenager To Drive”
“TV Volume: Why Louder is Better (Hearing Aids Are For Wimps)”
“Build Your Child’s Character Through Physical Labor: Picking Rocks For Winners”
EPWordsnatcher+7
Follow-up article to Middle of the Goddamn Lane: “ASSERTIVE on the Clutch: The Poetry of Teaching your Teenager to Drive MANUAL.”
(This may or may not be taken directly from life)
aravisthequeen+17
“The Basement: Make It Your Domain! Easy tips and tricks to make everyone else in your family avoid it forever”
“Your Secret Dossier of Stories To Tell Over and Over: Does it need updating? NO!”
“Cookies: A dessert for every occasion? Experts weigh in!”
EPWordsnatcher+2
…get out of my house
EPWordsnatcher+14
When to Throw Out Those Receipts (Answer: Never!)
anachronistique+13
“You’re Paying For Packaging: 10 Store Brands That Are Just As Good”
EPWordsnatcher+10
“Name-Brand Toilet Paper: Why You Should Splurge Where It Counts”
br1gid+18
10 Places You Haven’t Thought to Shop-Vac
Why July Is the Best Time to Impart Snow Driving Tips to Your Children and Their Friends
How to Convince You Entitled Youngest Child to Go to a State University
Basement Cleaning Part #4: Storage Tips for the Old Luggage No One Uses
This Season’s Best Short Sleeved Button Ups
Coping with Minor Firework Disasters
msjinxie+13
“Medical Tips from Dads: It’s Only a Sprain, You Big Baby; Just Walk it Off!”
drladybusiness+5
“5 Highly Specific Diets that Will Cure Any Chronic Illness Your Child Has Been Diagnosed With”
“10 Most Exciting Ways to Talk About Your Arthritis”
jsub+9
How to Micro-Manage Vacations (Minute-to-Minute planner included!)
Meredith+17
“Why aren’t you at work?”: Plus 9 Other Spicy Ways to Answer Calls From Your Grown Children
Bonus Insert: 20,000 Words On Why Bank Overdraft Fees Are Everything That’s Wrong With This Country
We Asked Dads And They Answered: We Want the Term ‘Meathead’ Back!
PrincessShinylocks+20
“10 out of 10 Dads Agree, Email is Definitely the Best Way to Alert your Children to the Death of a Loved One”
“We’re Burning Daylight! Tips On Getting Your Family in the Car by 6am for Road Trips”
EPWordsnatcher+2
6am? Lightweights. If it’s light out when you hit the road, you’re hitting the road too late.
(This is brought to you by the I Am Turning Into My Dad committee)
lalaluna+4
“How to Spend More Time Cleaning the Riding Lawn Mower Than Actually Mowing the Damn Lawn”
“How to Convince Your Adult Daughter and Punk Son-In-Law to Hand Wash Their Entire House’s Siding Every Damn Year” or “Why Power Washers Are Insufficient for Certain Tasks but Not Others”
“How to Tell if Your Daughter Loves You to Death but is Still a Bit Bitter”
laureleye+14
Can we have a special Nerd Dad edition?
Be the Star of the Star Party: Tips to Light Up Your Next Amateur Astronomy Society Event
Gift Guide to Chemistry and Science Kits for the Young – And Young At Heart
E-Holsters: The Stylish Way to Keep All Your Personal Electronics on Your Person, At All Times
The Last Place In The World to Get Your Betamax Player Repaired, and Why You Should (They Refused to Compromise Quality for Marketability, Dammit)
anachronistique+2
My dad has what we call a Belt of Might with all his gadgets in pouches, so I extra-love this.
laureleye+3
oh yeah, my dad used to keep everything clipped to his belt. Then he dropped his cell phone in a toilet and bought an e-holster, which is the actual brand name and everything. It is literally a concealed carry-style shoulder holster for your gadgets. It’s pretty great if you really want to startle people in a restaurant!
fleurdelivre87+9
The Importance of Keeping Your Car Inspection Sticker Up to Date.
Yankee Peach+15
Road Trip Special Section: Hundreds of Obscure Standards from the 1930s nobody but you will ever know all the words to (And they’re not on Wikipedia!)
“Hey I’m Watching That!” More tips and tricks for watching TV while lying on the couch and “resting your eyes.”
Unitaskers: Hot new shiny gadgets we know you have to have NOW!
MrsHuntingCreek+7
Teaching your daughter to drive: Xanax vs Valium
A Khaki Manifesto: why Dockers and Polos are the new Black
meetapossum+19
10 Post-Dinner Sandwiches for You to Try!
“I Don’t Know the Street Name, But There’s a Gas Station on the Corner”, and Other Ways to Give Confusing Directions
EPWordsnatcher+1
I love both of these with a gleeful, giggly kind of love.
ArmyOfSkanks+13
“Speed Limits Are Only a Suggestion: The best times to go 40 mph on the highway and 75 on back roads.”
“10 Uses For Leftover Carpet.” (#1 is to cover the entire floor of your new minivan with it and then insist on driving your junior high school aged daughter’s cheerleading squad to games. But only if it’s pink.)
“Putting On Snow Tires in September: Just In Case.”
Pwickup+4
“Primal Wince: Reliving Your Faux Pas 20 Years On”
huntress wizard+11
“Dexter versus New Balance: Dads Road-Test The Best All-White Sneakers” with sidebar “Our Favorite Black Socks”
“They’ll Grow Into It: The Best Oversized Clothing To Give Your Adult Children”
“TRAINS!”
evilauntieperil+5
The Devil Inside: Bill Gates, secret satanist, really IS inside your computer!
Waste Not, Want Not: Why your compost heap is divine.
mollyculetheory+2
Fix-it Corner: 43 new uses for duck tape
tuntastic+5
Mallory, did you commission this because your dad refused to follow you on twitter?
Chickensalad+2
“It Happened To Me: My Daughter Hates Baseball, Where Did I Go Wrong?”
practicalcats
"Betrayal" is totally a recurring column.
"Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Vote for the Opposing Party"
"Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Go to the Rival State School"
"Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Follow a Different Career Path"
practicalcats
"Are They Still Jeans if They're >50% Patches?"
oldsampeabody
All Dad Shoes are New Balance shoes, I think, especially when they are stained green from grass clippings.
(Only in my dad's case, he decides to mow the lawn in his New Shiny New Balance Shoes and then has two pairs of identical green shoes and has to buy a third—only to discover that they've changed the style and it is truly catastrophic.
…And I doubt his were ever trendy. Sorry, Dad.)
Sivven
My dad and I played so much fucking backgammon when I was a kid. I love that game.
xnxx+1
“The Basement: Make It Your Domain! Easy tips and tricks to make everyone else in your family avoid it forever”
How to Convince You Entitled Youngest Child to Go to a State University
Basement Cleaning Part #4: Storage Tips for the Old Luggage No One Uses
Be the Star of the Star Party: Tips to Light Up Your Next Amateur Astronomy Society Event
Gift Guide to Chemistry and Science Kits for the Young – And Young At Heart
“5 New Techniques for Watching DVR’d Golf Tournaments (You’ll Never Look at Your Fast-Forward Button the Same Again)”
“Our Favorite Summer Tube Socks”
“Puns for All Occasions”
My dad would buy this issue twice.
Really enjoying that Dads is a category now.
I made it last night!
What an honor!
“Making Great Time” is an article my stepdad needs to read. He has zero conception of how long it actually takes to get places.
“Dad Jokes: Tips for Getting an Unappreciative Audience to Lighten Up”
“Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty: You Don’t Need to Know What They Do!”
Inside: fourteen pages of money-saving Home Depot coupons!
“Find the Best GPS–Then Never Turn It On!”
“Book Reviews: we bought a handful of paperbacks with tall ships on their covers.”
Sidebar: “Here are some weird facts about the Civil War, in case you needed a refresher.”
“Sand Down to a Perfect Dovetail, Every Time”
“Shocking Dad Confessions: ‘I’m not really that into Springsteen'”
bite your tongue
“No Squirrels Allowed: Protect those bird feeders 365 days a year!”
Oh my god, my husband goes out of the house and YELLS AT THE SQUIRRELS. Our neighbors probably think we’re insane.
Does…does that work?
In the short term? Yes. Once he’s back in the house, though…
Mostly I think it just makes him feel better.
When I was a kid, my dad would fill a bucket with ice cubes, and we’d go on the porch and hurl them in the direction of the squirrels to I think spook them into leaving forever. Also we would yell at them? I’m glad he didn’t accidentally start some insane Squirrel War of Attrition
ah the paradox of still being able to see the birdfeeder from the porch while simultaneously making it squirrel-inaccessible
And the cult favorite follow-up, “Goddamn Mourning Doves Eating All The Birdseed and Shitting All Over the Porch”
“Morning has Broken: Why The Hours Between 5 am and 8am Are The Sweetest Hours To Be Awake”
“The 14 Day Rule: Great One-Person Recipes for Things That Are Still Perfectly Good To Eat.”
These headlines are proof that I am just turning into not just ANY dad, but my OWN dad.
“Honey, it smells fine!” and “Dont’ throw that out! Its still good.”
I shudder sometimes when I think about what my dad is potentially eating.
“UR.” 😀
“LOL: What does it really mean?”
Wait do I have to have children to subscribe to this? Where do I sign up? I need to know about these marinades.
“A Loaded Question Is Better Than A Loaded Gun: how to intimidate your daughter’s new boyfriend without anyone calling the police!”
“Betrayal: What To Do When Your Kids Root For The Opposing Sports Team”
“23 Ways To Light A Barbecue, All Of Which Are Better Than The Way Your Neighbour Tried To Do It At His Party Last Year, Goddammit”
“Betrayal” is totally a recurring column.
“Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Vote for the Opposing Party”
“Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Go to the Rival State School”
“Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Follow a Different Career Path”
I love this!
“Navigating the Madness: Your Guide to Highly Time-Efficient Mall Shopping With or Without Your Family.”
(Step 1. Figure out exactly what you want.
Step 2. Call and confirm they have it in stock.
Step 3. Figure out where it is located in the store.
Step 4. Find the closest entrance. Bonus if it’s the entrance near the tool section of the Sears.
Step 5. Power-walk through the mall, ignoring the pleas of your teenage daughter to “slow down, Dad!” or your wife to “Hang on, I just want to pop into Williams Sonoma.”
Step 6. Obtain item. Pay. Power-walk back to the car. Do not stop, do not pass GO, etc.
Step 7. Profit.)
“Step 7. Profit.”
you kill me!
TIME IS MONEY
We call that making a Viking raid on [shopping location]. To be fair in some places (Oxford Circus, for example) it’s necessary, but Dad did not appreciate the time he tried to do this and then there was a sale at Monsoon adding an hour and a half to shopping time.
THIS IS TOO PERFECT FOR WORDS
“Who Says You Need A Professional? Six plumbing and electrical home improvement projects you can totally do yourself, really.”
“How To Fix All Those Boneheaded MIstakes The Previous Homeowner Left”
Six Summer Movies You’ll Love (Trolls and/or Explosions Guaranteed!)*
*This may or may not come straight out of the Dad Wordsnatcher handbook
“What Your HDMI Cables Say About You”
OMG this article and all the comments are perfect.
DAD Magazine Fashion Issue:
The Best Suspenders for Your Body Shape
Bow Ties For Every Occasion
Jeans under $15 (They’re Perfectly Good)
also can you please do Mom, Grandma, and Grandpa magazines next?
xxx
GRANDPA MAG: Here’s the punchline to that joke you forgot at Passover
GRANDMA MAG: 27 Ways to Passive-Aggressively Criticize Your Child’s Parenting Skills
(edit: maybe just my family here)
No, no: it’s everyone’s family.
MOM MAG: Who All Those Guys On Game Of Thrones Are
Shirts You Can Buy At Kroger
On the subject of suspenders, can someone clarify something about the magazine cover? That’s a camera strap, not a pair of, like, halter-top suspenders, right?
DEFINITELY a camera strap (daughter of photographer here)
Jackets: What Weight Do You Need
Your Guide To Buying One Style of Shoe For The Rest Of Your Life
OMG I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MY DAD THAT DID THIS.
My dad has one style of tennis shoe. When one pair gets worn out they get demoted to Mowing Shoes and he goes out and buys a new, identical pair. You can tell them apart because the mowing shoes end up green.
Are they a specific pair of New Balance that were fashionable in the ’70s/’80s, and then horribly out-of-style, but then became trendy again like 3 years ago?
Because if so, hello long-lost sister!
OH MY GOD
Holy crap. My father-in-law buys his next pair up to two years IN ADVANCE. The internets has made this too easy.
“Repair Those Shoes with Duct Tape: A Quick and Easy Guide to Embarrassing Your Wife and Kids.”
n.b. my dad did this
“Your Jeans are BETTER two sizes too big”
“Who needs a wallet? Why your pockets are the perfect place for loose change”
(I am not kidding here, I once found 25 quid in loose change scattered all over the living room floor)
“Jeans under $15 (They’re Perfectly Good)”
Follow up issue
“How To Tell Those $15 15 Year Old Jeans Need Replacing”
“Patches: Wear Those $15 Jeans For The Rest Of Your Life”
“Are They Still Jeans if They’re >50% Patches?”
“Convincing Your Wife Not To Throw Away Those Perfectly Good $15 15 Year Old Jeans”
“How to Buy All of Your Clothes From Costco: Kirkland Signature For Life!”
Are Jeans Really Necessary? A Compelling Argument For Wearing Sweatpants Everywhere
(If there aren’t holes or stains, then they’re “nice” sweatpants/Good enough to go grocery shopping, good enough to go out for fast food with the family)
“Tinkering!”
“The 30 Best Episodes of Car Talk You’ve Never Heard”
“Socks with Sandals: So Practical, So Stylish”
Fashion: What Weight of Coat Do You and Your Family Need For This High-Pressure System
Yard Sales: Sure you Don’t “Need” a Canoe, But It’s Only $50!
(icebergmama’s Dad: lifelong yard sale devotee)
Yard Sales: I Bet You Can Make That 1970 TV Work Again
How Calling Something a Logical Fallacy Is Not “Mansplaining”
What Even ARE Throw Pillows?
Different Places To Read In Summer
(My pop is an English teacher.)
25 Reasons You Should Save That Box It Came In.
brilliant perfect forever
This is my favourite.
“Don’t Throw It Away, The Parts Might Come In Useful Someday”
omg, am I…a Dad?
You might be! How many pairs of identical white tennis shoes do you own?
NONE, but only because I can’t wear them!
Who Does It Better?! We Put Kids Versus Automatic Carwashes to the Test!
My dad would be writing in a heated op-ed:
“Touch-Free or Nothing: Why Automatic Car Washes Are Not To Be Trusted.”
Dad Logic: 32 Explanations For Questions They’re Bound to Ask!
Top 10 Outfits Most Likely to Embarrass Your Middle School Daughter!
(I think of these one at a time)
15 New Lawn-Mowing Styles For Summer!
The Perfect Bright White Running Shoe For Your Shape
That’s Perfectly Balanced! 8 Household Items That Can Also Serve As Ladders At Short Notice, And Which Are Not A Safety Hazard, Who Cares What Your Kids Say
New Designs to Mow Into Your Lawn to Impress Neighbors (and Yourself!)
Tire Pressure Gauges For All Occasions
Threatening Weather: What it Means for Your Weekend
YouTube: You Can Use It To Listen to the Same Steely Dan Song Five Times in a Row!
Where to Find the Crunchiest Peanut Butter Imaginable
How to Tell Your Daughter That She Should Really Grow Potatoes
These may be a little specific.
STEELY DAD: The all dad Steely Dan cover band
I tried to like this comment again and it wouldn’t let me
Jaya, I still occasionally think of STEELY DAD and burst out laughing wherever I am.
these are all just perfect.
“‘Huh?’ 10 Great Responses That Halt Your Kids’ Questions In Their Tracks”
“Would You Rather Build Models Than Have Sex With Your Wife? TAKE THE QUIZ”
“Covert Napping Like You’ve Never Seen Before”
“A Glimpse Into The Future—10 New Dads Interview 10 Dad Vets”
Monthly advice column, “Decoding Your Child’s Texts”
Back Roads are the Best Roads: How to Never Take a Highway Again
Shhhoot! (And 15 Other Ways to Bite Off Curse Words Around the Kids)
When It’s Time to Pass on the Billy Beer Collection to Your Son
27 Ways to Use Your Discarded Peanut Shells
“‘But Is It Gore-Tex?’ 7 Reasons to Always Check”
“Chance Favors the Prepared Mind: Tips for Planning Your Next Trip to the Grocery Store”
“Now We’re Cookin’ With Gas: 10 Foods You Didn’t Know You Could Grill!”
Or, my Dad’s personal favorite, “Is Your Gore-Tex Still Working? 10 Ways to Pay Money to Check at REI”
Emotional Conversations: How To Change The Subject To Window-Glazing, Every Time.
alternately, How To Express Love To Your Children Through Window-Glazing Advice
(just my dad?)
Aw, Dad Iceberg.
“Awkward phone calls to your daughter: How and When to make them”
“Where to find a new version of that Dr Seuss Tshirt you wore for twenty years”
“That jumper: Why your family shouldn’t have thrown it out.”
“Your cat: How to keep your soppiness a closely-guarded secret”
And probably quite specific, this – “How to argue so viciously about map-reading with your partner that you daughter takes over the task at the age of eight”
Dad Jeans: The Ultimate Buying Guide.
Finally a lifestyle magazine photoshoot that BARACK gets to be in.
“‘Eh, Did That Clown Die?’ One Dad Comes to Terms with the Loss of Larry Hagman”
This is a direct quote, but of course I can’t divulge my source.
“‘The Talk,’ Translated Into Sports Metaphors Any Idiot Would Get”
“Old Tech/New Tech: A DIY Guide To Get Your VHS Deck Up And Running Again”
“Vinyl DOES Sound Better Than Digital—And Our Tests Prove It”
i kid you not my dad owns both a green bay packers shirt and a camera strap that attaches to a fancy camera he can barely use. this cover is maybe too perfect.
“Oven Pizza Taste Tests: DiGiorno or Store Brand?”
“10 Best Political Petitions to Forward to your Kids and Coworkers”
“Cutoffs: Give Those Old Jeans a New Life”
We’re talking about old Dad Jeans up top, come join us.
“Smartphones: Yeah, You’re Probably Going To Have To Get One Eventually”
“Debit Cards: Just Like Writing A Check, Only Better!”
“Voicemail IS Better than Texting, New Study Says”
“Costco Fashion: It’s Not Just For Pallets Of Trail Mix Anymore”
“Get In The Middle Of The Goddamn Lane: The Poetry of Teaching Your Teenager To Drive”
“TV Volume: Why Louder is Better (Hearing Aids Are For Wimps)”
“Build Your Child’s Character Through Physical Labor: Picking Rocks For Winners”
Follow-up article to Middle of the Goddamn Lane:
“ASSERTIVE on the Clutch: The Poetry of Teaching your Teenager to Drive MANUAL.”
(This may or may not be taken directly from life)
“The Basement: Make It Your Domain! Easy tips and tricks to make everyone else in your family avoid it forever”
“Your Secret Dossier of Stories To Tell Over and Over: Does it need updating? NO!”
“Cookies: A dessert for every occasion? Experts weigh in!”
…get out of my house
When to Throw Out Those Receipts
(Answer: Never!)
“You’re Paying For Packaging: 10 Store Brands That Are Just As Good”
“Name-Brand Toilet Paper: Why You Should Splurge Where It Counts”
10 Places You Haven’t Thought to Shop-Vac
Why July Is the Best Time to Impart Snow Driving Tips to Your Children and Their Friends
How to Convince You Entitled Youngest Child to Go to a State University
Basement Cleaning Part #4: Storage Tips for the Old Luggage No One Uses
This Season’s Best Short Sleeved Button Ups
Coping with Minor Firework Disasters
“Medical Tips from Dads: It’s Only a Sprain, You Big Baby; Just Walk it Off!”
“5 Highly Specific Diets that Will Cure Any Chronic Illness Your Child Has Been Diagnosed With”
“10 Most Exciting Ways to Talk About Your Arthritis”
How to Micro-Manage Vacations (Minute-to-Minute planner included!)
“Why aren’t you at work?”: Plus 9 Other Spicy Ways to Answer Calls From Your Grown Children
Bonus Insert: 20,000 Words On Why Bank Overdraft Fees Are Everything That’s Wrong With This Country
We Asked Dads And They Answered: We Want the Term ‘Meathead’ Back!
“10 out of 10 Dads Agree, Email is Definitely the Best Way to Alert your Children to the Death of a Loved One”
“We’re Burning Daylight! Tips On Getting Your Family in the Car by 6am for Road Trips”
6am? Lightweights. If it’s light out when you hit the road, you’re hitting the road too late.
(This is brought to you by the I Am Turning Into My Dad committee)
“How to Spend More Time Cleaning the Riding Lawn Mower Than Actually Mowing the Damn Lawn”
“How to Convince Your Adult Daughter and Punk Son-In-Law to Hand Wash Their Entire House’s Siding Every Damn Year” or “Why Power Washers Are Insufficient for Certain Tasks but Not Others”
“How to Tell if Your Daughter Loves You to Death but is Still a Bit Bitter”
Can we have a special Nerd Dad edition?
Be the Star of the Star Party: Tips to Light Up Your Next Amateur Astronomy Society Event
Gift Guide to Chemistry and Science Kits for the Young – And Young At Heart
E-Holsters: The Stylish Way to Keep All Your Personal Electronics on Your Person, At All Times
The Last Place In The World to Get Your Betamax Player Repaired, and Why You Should (They Refused to Compromise Quality for Marketability, Dammit)
My dad has what we call a Belt of Might with all his gadgets in pouches, so I extra-love this.
oh yeah, my dad used to keep everything clipped to his belt. Then he dropped his cell phone in a toilet and bought an e-holster, which is the actual brand name and everything. It is literally a concealed carry-style shoulder holster for your gadgets. It’s pretty great if you really want to startle people in a restaurant!
The Importance of Keeping Your Car Inspection Sticker Up to Date.
Road Trip Special Section: Hundreds of Obscure Standards from the 1930s nobody but you will ever know all the words to (And they’re not on Wikipedia!)
“Hey I’m Watching That!” More tips and tricks for watching TV while lying on the couch and “resting your eyes.”
Unitaskers: Hot new shiny gadgets we know you have to have NOW!
Teaching your daughter to drive: Xanax vs Valium
A Khaki Manifesto: why Dockers and Polos are the new Black
10 Post-Dinner Sandwiches for You to Try!
“I Don’t Know the Street Name, But There’s a Gas Station on the Corner”, and Other Ways to Give Confusing Directions
I love both of these with a gleeful, giggly kind of love.
“Speed Limits Are Only a Suggestion: The best times to go 40 mph on the highway and 75 on back roads.”
“10 Uses For Leftover Carpet.” (#1 is to cover the entire floor of your new minivan with it and then insist on driving your junior high school aged daughter’s cheerleading squad to games. But only if it’s pink.)
“Putting On Snow Tires in September: Just In Case.”
“Primal Wince: Reliving Your Faux Pas 20 Years On”
“Dexter versus New Balance: Dads Road-Test The Best All-White Sneakers” with sidebar “Our Favorite Black Socks”
“They’ll Grow Into It: The Best Oversized Clothing To Give Your Adult Children”
“TRAINS!”
The Devil Inside: Bill Gates, secret satanist, really IS inside your computer!
Waste Not, Want Not: Why your compost heap is divine.
Fix-it Corner: 43 new uses for duck tape
Mallory, did you commission this because your dad refused to follow you on twitter?
“It Happened To Me: My Daughter Hates Baseball, Where Did I Go Wrong?”
"Betrayal" is totally a recurring column.
"Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Vote for the Opposing Party"
"Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Go to the Rival State School"
"Betrayal: What to Do When Your Kids Follow a Different Career Path"
"Are They Still Jeans if They're >50% Patches?"
All Dad Shoes are New Balance shoes, I think, especially when they are stained green from grass clippings.
(Only in my dad's case, he decides to mow the lawn in his New Shiny New Balance Shoes and then has two pairs of identical green shoes and has to buy a third—only to discover that they've changed the style and it is truly catastrophic.
…And I doubt his were ever trendy. Sorry, Dad.)
My dad and I played so much fucking backgammon when I was a kid. I love that game.
“The Basement: Make It Your Domain! Easy tips and tricks to make everyone else in your family avoid it forever”
How to Convince You Entitled Youngest Child to Go to a State University
Basement Cleaning Part #4: Storage Tips for the Old Luggage No One Uses
Be the Star of the Star Party: Tips to Light Up Your Next Amateur Astronomy Society Event
Gift Guide to Chemistry and Science Kits for the Young – And Young At Heart