Nacho, a beloved miniature horse, was so small he was able to walk underneath your table. This was almost unbearably cute. People fainted from the cuteness. They came from all around the world to faint from the cuteness. Sadly, Nacho was attacked, under cover of a snowstorm, by a cougar about 400 meters from the barn where the ridiculously cute miniature horse lived at a ranch outside of Calgary, Alberta. Unfortunately, Nacho did not survive the encounter. This passing was made even more heartbreaking when Nacho’s list of New Year’s resolutions was recently made public, and The Toast has agreed to share them, but with the understanding that they only wish to celebrate Nacho’s life and the dreams of all small horses to be more than nature made them:
In 2014 I am going to try to be the very best miniature horse that I can be. I no longer want to be defined by others, investing my sense of self and well-being in how they respond to me, but rather define myself and lead a life that is true to who I am as a miniature horse.
1. Learn to deal with stress better.
2. I am going to radically cut back on the number of apples I eat. More grass and hay, fewer carbs. The Glycemic Index of apples is very high and this is causing me some pretty dramatic mood swings, where I find myself acting in ways that are not reflective of the real Nacho.
3. Make SINCERE effort to reconnect with my brother. I have to acknowledge that some of the difficulties I’ve had with Rumbler over the years are due to my own insecurities. It’s not his fault that he had a successful rodeo career and is now a prized stud, just as it’s not my fault that I’m a cute, little miniature horse.
4. Do something new and daring with mane, add a little edge to my persona.
5. Stop using the word little so much. It’s a product of my insecurity and self-consciousness and it eats away at my self-esteem.
6. Get involved in local choir.
7. Lose some weight and try to fit back into my favourite old saddle with the stars on it. Size 4.
8. Stop trying to play with cougar roaming the edge of the farm property. He’s clearly not interested so I should just respect his boundaries.
9. Finally, create online dating profile. I am 18 years old now; it’s time to put my fears aside and attempt to have an adult relationship. I think I have a lot to offer.
10. Stop stalking Gordon Ramsey.
11. Continue to walk with Jesus, remembering always that the meek shall inherit the earth.
12. Make friends with a bird or a chicken.
The boss just gave us permission to leave work early today, yet I find myself still at my computer with stinging eyes. Ah Nacho! Ah humanity!
I loved this, but it is Gordon Ramsay, not Ramsey. Maybe Nacho was stalking the wrong guy this whole time?
That is even sadder!
My heart is broken. BROKEN.
God, it’s like losing Li’l Sebastian all over again. I’ll be pouring out a bag of oats tonight and salting them with my tears.
I came here just to read the Li’l Sebastian tributes. Thank you.
God, it's like losing Li'l Sebastian all over again. I'll be pouring out a bag of oats tonight and salting them with my tears.
Someone needs to put Haters Gonna Hate at the bottom of that gif to truly commemorate the memory of beloved Nacho.
This is not only the saddest thing I’ve heard this week, it’s also making me worried about Mallory. Mallory, we know how you feel about miniature horses…how are you holding up? Thinking of you. xxoo
This is not only the saddest thing I've heard this week, it's also making me worried about Mallory. Mallory, we know how you feel about miniature horses…how are you holding up? Thinking of you. xxoo
So the takeaway is, it’s never too early to start following your resolutions?
“Who is this beautiful tiny horse?”
“NACHO MINIATURE HORSE.”
"Who is this beautiful tiny horse?"
"NACHO MINIATURE HORSE."
In the last week or so there has been too much miniature horse sadness I can’t bear. I’m going to link something from my town but only read if you want to feel inordinately more depressed re: the fate of miniature horses. http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australi…
“Detectives wish to reassure the public that this was not a random attack but is believed to have been targeted.”
Faith in humanity restored, according to detectives? 🙁
"Detectives wish to reassure the public that this was not a random attack but is believed to have been targeted."
Faith in humanity restored, according to detectives? 🙁
This is touching and wonderful, toasted perfection