Things I Would Do If A Moth Ever Touched Me For Even A Second -The Toast

Cut off my entire arm and face
Move
Throw myself into the whole sun
Excommunicate myself from every church and religion any ancestor of mine has ever joined
Just shudder until I died
Throw everything I own off of my back porch until my lower back exploded
Kick myself to actual death
Set all of my shoes on fire and move to whatever climate has the fewest bugs, maybe the desert, which I know still has some bugs but not bugs that fly I feel like
Go to a movie theater and buy a ticket to see twelve movies in a row and refuse to leave between screenings
just straight up The Cask of Amontillado myself
Scream until I traveled through time to either before or after there are moths
Sink from waking life into dreams
No
Reject everything about existence and just give it all back to the void and demand we start afresh
Turn into a beautiful swan
Squash it with something heavy then throw whatever I squashed it with away
Scream until my throat exploded
Remove all of my skin
Turn into a boat and sail away

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

Things I Would Do If A Moth Ever Touched Me For Even A Second