EVERYONE: go back and read Bend It Like Beckham: A Celebration! Some weird file thing cut out the second half of the piece, and I have now restored it, and it’s beautiful and you need to read it and share it on all your social media accounts.
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Downton Abbey pick-up lines:
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Jaya explores 19th century American attempts at Indian cuisine, with surprisingly pleasant results.
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Ta-Nehisi “Kindly Genius” Coates on Melissa Harris-Perry, and what it means to be a public intellectual:
This began because I claimed that Melissa Harris-Perry is “America’s foremost public intellectual.” I made this claim because of Harris-Perry’s background: Ph.D. from Duke; stints at Princeton and Tulane; the youngest woman to deliver the Du Bois lecture at Harvard; author of two books; trustee at the Century Foundation. I made this claim because of her work: I believe Harris-Perry to be among the sharpest interlocutors of this historic era—the era of the first black president—and none of those interlocutors communicate to a larger public, and in a more original way, than Harris-Perry.
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I don’t know how I feel about this yet, but it’s very thoughtfully and carefully written and we should read it.
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Meryl and Emma forever.
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In September this year, I woke up to an excellent dick pic (SFW, illustrated only with an eggplant.)
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For all the bittersweet lols, check out #NYTwomensobits:
Eleanor Roosevelt, author of angel food cake with pink clouds recipe, dead at 78. #NYTwomensobits
— Noah McCormack (@noahmccormack) January 8, 2014
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Rookie, on aggravating grown-ass men talking about teenage girls:
I know I have a vested interest in this whole thing because I’m an aspiring cultural critic and a current young woman, but I think I speak for all girls and women between the ages of 13 and 19 when I say that grown-up male journalists are probably not the best choice to assign stories about teen-girl culture to (keeping in mind those aforementioned exceptions). What they come up with, too much of the time, is a lot of off-base and frankly clueless speculation about what girls think, what we do, what we want, and what we need.
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
CRITIQUING DICK PICS.
My new favourite tumblr.
its SO GOOD. really excellent. I know so many people who could benefit.
Every unsolicited dick pic I recieve is going to be responded to with this link.
I really want to passive-aggressivley post it to my facebook page so that a couple of people who keep sending them to me can read it because it makes me laugh to think of, but then my mother would see it.
GOD unsolicited dick is the worst dick
Speaking of unsolicited dick, have you guys seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5377GA_4_HM
These are both formerly welcome pics, but honestly, nearly three years since I last saw either of them in real life, I’d be quite happy to forget what they looked like. I’m considering making a calendar to send to their wives.
I have an urge to embroider that on a throw pillow.
To throw at the people who send them?
And to serve as a reminder to all who enter my home.
I have still NEVER EVER gotten a dick pic ever, not even once, even after I asked everyone on Twitter to send me one because I felt left out.
Interestingly, I have only ever had them from men who were sending them illicitly. My current other half flat out refuses to send me any, they have only come from married/partnered people trying to misbehave with me. I keep them all as blackmail material.
If you don’t want to receive them any more, I suggest posting this comment to your Facebook page 😉 Otherwise carry on!
It’s long past the stage of bothering me – my ex started sending them after getting very dog in the manger when I started seeing someone else and trying to persuade me that we could be each others’ permanent bits on the side (since he is constitutionally incapable of either fidelity or staying with a GF who is OK with an open relationship) and that would be perfect. It was a headfuck to start with but three years on I just say yes dear that’d be lovely, and ignore it. It entertains me now! The other one was in an open marriage so I suppose that doesn’t really count, but nobody who is actually single and could send me naughty pictures without the potential for anyone else minding has ever done so.
I am intrigued as to why the ones who are misbehaving would want to make themselves vulnerable to me in that way though, I could get them in all sorts of trouble! They’re putting an awful lot of faith in my good nature, which is frankly foolish.
I do not have any Facebook friends who would send me pictures of their penises, for good or for ill
I’d lend you some of mine, but I doubt you want them.
I have never ever gotten one either, despite being a hetero lady of questionable virtue.
I have also never been mugged, despite living alone in big cities for many years.
I like to think that both conditions emerge from a happy conjunction of good judgment and better luck.
Me neither!
I did once get (“get”) to see all the sexts & tit shots an employee’s girlfriend sent him after he was fired & I took his work cell phone. So that was fun.
You are very lucky. I don’t think any have ever been sent to my phone, but back in the days when I spent some time on Yahoo messenger I was 18ish and did not yet know that, “Wanna see my webcam?” secretly meant, “Wanna see my dick?” It took me much too long to just say no to everyone.
“Sylvia Hughes, ex-wife of prominent poet and mother of two, found dead in her kitchen.” OH MY GOD.
“Katharine Hepburn, unmarried pants enthusiast, died today of natural causes.”
These people are brilliant.
“Eleanor Roosevelt, author of angel food cake with pink clouds recipe, dead at 78.” It makes me laugh and want to kick something at the same time.
Ta-Nehisi Coates talking up Melissa Harris-Perry oh my god. My eyes have become pounding hearts. The two of them together are that cave of treasure that leads pirates to spend half their lives searching desperately on the high seas.
The article on toxicity in online activism is a fantastic read. There is a lot to be said of the waves online activism can make toward making change in greater society, but there is also a lot to be said about the power of the online activism community to alienate and scare off people who are typically of like mind to them. I spend most of my time on Tumblr reblogging pretty pictures of Avengers, but I know I’ve sometimes ventured into parts of Tumblr where I see people basically using their social justice issue of choice as a pulpit from which to bully someone else who is basically on the same side of the argument, just wording themselves differently or arguing a peaceful route over a violent one or something. I’ve seen people gang up on others and levy death threats over a discussion of semantics. It’s honestly terrifying at times, and definitely was a turn-off for me as far as getting involved in discussing serious business issues, at least on Tumblr. As someone who would gladly sit down and have a long discussion with someone else about just about any issue (even if it got a bit heated!) it was honestly jarring to find a place where I thought, “I’d rather swim with mutated piranhas than get involved here.”
I feel like TNC’s initial claim was more of a throwaway line by him that distracted from the larger point (eta: I think he started out wanting to talk about why she was so amazing, but then all he and we ended up talking about was whether or not MHP was worthy of the title bestowed; if he simply refers to her as his favorite, the conversation is completely different), but what the discussion (d)evolved into was pretty illuminating. The flailing and gnashing of the white dudebros in those threads has been a sight to behold as they scramble to preserve the place of white men in the pantheon and work more feverishly to exclude all others.
Yeah, TNC definitely opened the door up for discussion about what constitutes an “intellectual” to certain people. Reading people trying to bend over backwards to claim that somehow they’re not racist when they only focus on white people as intellectual, though, that’s disheartening. Illuminating, as you said, not only about those people but also about how far we still have to go when it comes to discussions of race.
I very much like your initial thought. My take, which you probably already know, is that Byers was trolling, looking to pick a fight. It might be that he was trying to distract TNC from the main point of that post, and to undermine its credibility at the same time. Kind of like what he did with Nate Silver in fall of 2012.
I found Social Justice Tumblr so aggravating for so long, because it’s so hung up on semantics. I feel like it’s made me more aware of my own privilege and I’ve learned tons about intersectionality, just by reading what people have to say there (and here, I’ve learned more reading The Toast over the last several months than in years on tumblr), but it’s a community that is so quick to jump down your throat if you phrase something wrong or don’t know how to make an elegant or coherent point that I am TERRIFIED to ever step in and voice my own thoughts or opinions. Part of learning is making mistakes, but Social Justice Tumblr will never let you move past them. (There are lots of smart people that can’t translate their thoughts eloquently.)
YES. I think this gets to the heart of what I was saying below about not having the formal education required for tumblr. I think it would be so much more productive for people to ask someone to rephrase something or give a stranger then benefit of the doubt than to jump down their throat because they might not have expressed themselves 100% clearly. There are probably a lot of people on your (not your, but Tumblr’s) side that many people miss because they are too busy attacking poorly phrased theory.
I also think that in certain parts of Tumblr’s feminist arena you get a lot of “I went to college for this stuff” ego-stroking mixed in on top of everything else. I know I’ve seen credentials questioned or arguments completely ignored or “refuted” based not in an actual rebuttal but because someone would throw out their higher ed credentials. People tend to immediately believe the One That Uses The Academic Language over the one that responds with the language they have available to them, which can be hugely problematic. There are countless wildly intelligent, well-reasoned people who didn’t go the academic route, and it’s dismissive of them to assume their argument can’t hold water because they didn’t go through an institution that taught them how to word it a certain way.
This also leaves a lot of room for people to put themselves on a pedestal, become “tumblr famous,” or get their ego inflated and become one of those pile-on ringleaders that are such a toxic influence on an otherwise well-intentioned group of people. And I think it’s sad and disheartening that we have self-proclaimed progressive liberal open-minded justice activists who will threaten, bully, shout down, and drive out others because waving their “cred” around and stomping on other people got them some backpats from certain parts of the community. It’s more power-tripping than it is activism to some people, and it’s unsettling.
That TNC piece is amazing. Heartbreaking.
I’m kind of with that piece on the toxicity of a lot of internet social justice. People don’t listen or try to change when they feel like they’re being attacked AND I do feel like it silences people.
As an example, there’s a lot of hate on Tumblr for Macklemore. He tried to do the right thing with Same Love, but did it in a kinda-not-so-great way. Can’t we just discuss the racial implications his sweet little mind never thought of without banning him from discussion forever as a racist asshole? I think discussing these things is totally (extremely) important, but cutting the vitriol would be so productive (particularly from allies). I mean, we’re saying nothing about the all the other artists who’ve never bothered to stand up for anything (maybe because they’re afraid of being cut down!) but someone who DID try, albeit in a flawed way, is labelled as ineligible for future contributions to the conversation.
Yess. I feel like there’s this good, right idea of “it’s not my job to educate you,” and if someone wants to learn about issues of race or sex or anything, it’s on them to make the effort. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean there can’t be teaching moments, and I think it’s a different case when an artist clearly is trying to do a good thing than when they just don’t think about the issues and do whatever they want.
I also get defensive because I think “Same Love” is maybe one of the weaker songs on what is generally a solid hip hop album, that tackles issues like addiction and capitalism and his own self-awareness at being white in the rap world.
YES. And it’s not like it’s his first album, his previous work has addressed his role as a white guy doing hip-hop and how he benefits from it without the cultural and social baggage of being a minority. Yeah, he’s got some stuff that really just screams “OMG YOU GUYS HAVE YOU HEARD EMINEM HE’S AMAZING”, but he found his own voice, and it seems to be pretty consistent with who he is as a person in addition to a performer. He’s on the cover of The Source this month and he straight up says he thinks Kendrick Lamarr deserves the Best Rap Album more and that if he wins, he knows there will be quite the kerfuffle. I think it’s also important to note that he really tries to do good things– he just donated $50,000 (as did Pearl Jam) to a homeless youth center in Seattle that lost $100k from its budget, he does a lot of stuff with Seattle Childrens Hospital, he’s open about his issues with addiction and how being white and living on Capitol Hill benefited him as opposed to schoolmates at GHS who were minorities and lived in the CD.
Yes, he’s a white straight cis guy speaking out about queer issues and rapping, but it doesn’t make him a total waste of oxygen.
“Yes, he’s a white straight cis guy speaking out about queer issues and rapping, but it doesn’t make him a total waste of oxygen.”
This. If he did it awkwardly, he shouldn’t be shut out of the discussion forever. Acknowledge what’s problematic, but move on afterwards.
Also, honestly, The Heist is, in the grand scheme of things, a VERY solid and thoughtful album.
And there’s a tricky thing with him that I also see with Lorde a bit, where they definitely made music that’s problematic and the responsibility is on them to understand and do better, but there’s only so much about the response to it that they can control. Lorde’s song would be a much smaller deal, I think, if so many people weren’t so hostile to what they consider “hip-hop” culture.
Yes! Thinking hip hop culture is not mainstream at this point is pretty naive, and I forgive a 17-year-old who grew up with hip hop as the main pop culture for making these references. Also there’s the “bloodstains ballgowns trashing the hotel room” bit which is very traditional rock and roll culture. Also I sort of tuned out for the majority of the Lorde arguments so if there’s other problematic stuff please tell me.
Yes! I found the Lorde arguments interesting but… she’s critiquing what she sees as overblown American culture, and the racial element of that seems like it would be way less evident in New Zealand. Not that it couldn’t have been a better song if it had critiqued a broader swath of culture, but, oh my god. She’s only seventeen. What would the rest of us have written at seventeen?
I wonder if its possible for people to spend too much time in online activism (especially since it’s so easy to get sucked into the internet for hours), to the pojnt where it causes them to be so used to people saying and doing offensive things to them that they seeing it everywhere else, as a sort of self protection system.
Sort of like how towards the end of IB English you start reading the back of a cereal box and thinking about how the description of the coco puffs is a metaphor for the emptiness of being or whatever.
No, but in all seriousness, participating in activist spaces on line makes it so so hard to have a safe space of your own, even if the websites amd tumblrs you belong to claim to be safe spaces. Because you already deal with descrimination in your everyday life, and going online means you just get to read about more of it on top of everything else. And I’m sure that can be hard to deal with and process for people.
I definitely agree that the “it’s not my job to educate you” is a really positive thing but sometimes I feel that it can turn into a negative thing when people use it to attack those with less formal education than they have. I never studied feminism formally, I was the only person I knew who openly identified as feminist in grade school, I didn’t go to a liberal arts college, my major was pre-professional and semi technical (and didn’t leave room for taking womens studies or sociology classes as an elective, as much as I would have liked to take them), and I didn’t go to grad school and don’t work in an activist field.
I know about things like privileged and institutionalized racism/sexism and rape culture and whatnot from being a person alive and seeing these things affect myself and friends/family. I also have some education from reading the internet. But I feel like while my feminism comes from a place of 70% experience and 30% internet education, other people come from a place that is much more theory based. But there are definitely times where I have gaps in knowledge and end up being attacked on places like tumblr because I didn’t use the right word, or even completely misunderstood someones comment since they were making reference to a theory I haven’t studied. And people can get so so angry about these things and it’s frustrating because I’d probably agree with them if they took a moment to translate what they were saying into layperson speak.
Even in places that aren’t angry and toxic I still feel left out of some conversations because while having a discussion with someone, another person will come in and start bringing in all kinds of theory and complicated language that I haven’t been exposed to and I want to engage and talk but I’m too busy trying to figure out what on earth they said. And I try and educate myself but most of those ‘educate yourself’ places are more feminism 101 and don’t cover anything I don’t know. I guess this got kind of off topic but I just feel like there are a lot of toxic internet spaces that could benefit from giving people the benefit of the doubt and finding a balance between ‘educate yourself’ and not alienating other people on their side, or attacking them for not speaking the right way, just because they didn’t have the same access to academia approved feminism.
Just to clarify, I totally don’t think being left out of certain conversations is a problem, I just think it relates to this unwillingness to give someone the benefit of the doubt, or to rephrase yourself when someone is confused that can lead to a lot of toxic angry spaces on the internet.
But I don’t actually expect someone to dumb down their words for me, it’s just mildly frustrating when I think I’d probably agree with someone and would have a great conversation (or be able to continue the conversation I was already in) if only I understood what they were saying.
The objective of the professions is to create an inward-looking discipline that can fend off external criticism by saying “you don’t understand.” As others have pointed out, with the creation of women’s studies departments and the like, feminism was captured by academia, and shibboleths are one of academics’ best shields against criticism. At least, that’s the viewpoint I find convincing.
Which is largely to say: good point, I agree.
Yes, and I’m sure that even within academia it’s hard for people because if your life experience doesn’t match up with the theory of the day it’s probably frustrating and alienating. Especially if that’s because your life experience is not as privileged as the life experiences of whoever made the theory.
I was just talking about this with a friend yesterday! Not everyone went to a liberal arts school and majored in sociology, so not everyone knows the language and the theory. Note everyone is an academic or an activist, and not everyone has spent 20 hours a week or more reading and talking about these issues. So when someone makes a misstep or says something off (or even something really awful), we need to keep that in mind.
“not everyone has spent 20 hours a week or more reading and talking about these issues” this, absolutely. I know most websites (and probably tumblrs) update during the day but not everyone has a job that gives them computer access and not every job with computer access lets you go on non work websites. I would argue that in the vast majority of workplaces it’s inappropriate to be skimming other website like I am right now. That’s not even getting into how 20% of the US population doesn’t have internet access (for perspective, 22% of the population has a Bachelors degree)
So when someone who doesn’t have tons of time to be keeping up to date on various theories or terminology says something a little off or uses the wrong word, it’s very very possible it’s because they genuinely didn’t know because the internet theory is moving faster than the way the average person thinks about these things in their life.
I was on tumblr the other night and saw a conversation about trans issues in which someone completely snapped at someone, not for saying anything offensive but for using the word trans instead of trans*, as apparently trans isn’t inclusive enough (trans* includes gender queer, non gender, third gender, etc). Which, I mean, assuming you don’t actually pronounce the * in conversation there is literally no way for anyone to know that unless they spend all their time on tumblr. Especially since, according to a quick google there are still plenty of people who say trans (without the *) so as not to generalize about the experience of those who identify as genderqueer but not trans, or as non gender but not trans. So not only are you keeping these discussions limited to those who can be online a lot, there also isn’t a whole lot of consistency. It’s just as easy to snap as it is to say, hey, over here we prefer the term trans* as it’s more inclusive just so you know.
“It feels, sometimes, as if we must arrive fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognisant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”
I think we could have an entire comments thread dedicated to this ONE SENTENCE in that “Words, Words, Words” piece. I felt so conflicted when I read it!
I’m still finding my footing in the feminist community, and I have messed up more than once and said things that were offensive. Sometimes, I was lucky and someone gently explained why I was wrong, and other times I got death wishes and rape threats – from other “activists!” So I think we do need to leave room for people to learn, especially when their intentions are ultimately good.
But. BUT. There are certain things we could say/do that are INCREDIBLY NOT OKAY and that maybe even a budding activist would/should know about. I can understand how other activists would be really offended/hurt/frustrated and not want to hold that person’s hand through A Journey of Self-Awareness.
Right. And I think there’s a tendency for a lot of people to get defensive and close up as soon as someone disagrees with them, especially if that person does so vehemently, and if you’re (not you-you, the general you) are insisting on your point of view to the extent that it makes a space unsafe for other people and refusing to acknowledge why that might be, then maybe there’s a place for tactics like banning people or other things that might be hurtful. And I’m always a little leery of people talking about being ganged-up on, because there’s a difference between several people telling you you’re wrong, and a group of people searching you out to harass you.
That said, there is no context, inside or outside of an activist community, where rape or death threats (or threats of any kind, really, beyond “I’m going to ban you from this thread if you can’t stop being an asshole) are acceptable. It doesn’t matter what you believe (although it’s more disappointing coming from “progressive” activists), it’s just not ok period full stop.
I think it’s really easy to take it personally when other people correct you (again, general you, not you-you), because when you’re an activist you have this feeling of “I’m trying to do something good! Why is everyone yelling at me?!”
It takes a certain level of maturity to be able to step back from that and realize that good intentions sometimes are just not enough. You can hurt people with your words/actions regardless of your intent, and those people have a right to be hurt!
While I’m also leery of people who claim others are ganging up on them, I feel for them on a certain level. I’m a really sensitive person and the slightest inkling of conflict makes my heart drop to my stomach. That’s why I personally try to take a gentler approach with calling others out.
I should say that I’m so conflict-averse that when people do tell me I’m doing something wrong, I will review it in my head for, like, months, and my default response would definitely be to run away and hide. But I like to think I’m getting better at it, maybe?
It raises an interesting question – do we say that activism is only for people with thick skins, or do we demand that activists communities be more accommodating, even when members are potentially saying things that make the space unsafe for others?
I wonder if different spaces/websites/organizations need to be clear about what their mission is. There is a huge difference about activism that is really just a space to vent frustrations and anger towards your oppressors and a space that is focused on actually creating a safer institutions and laws for those who are oppressed, and on changing the views of people so that others can feel more accepted in the world.
Those two things are both valid and OK but they are very very very different things. A space that is focused on anger can be deeply cathartic for people who are venting their anger, but it is not going to change minds and it may actively turn people away from what you are saying if people feel attacked or like they are unable to ask questions. And I think if you are in activist spaces that aren’t clear about which one of those categories they fall into (or if they fall into both) you should be aware that not everyone may have the same goals or plan as you, but that doesn’t make their methods or way of communicating less valid.
Also, while I hate to say this I do think that in spaces that aren’t explicitly by and for a certain group (ex. a tumblr by and for group x vs a member of group x tweeting on twitter to the public) if your method and plan is anger and aggression you should be aware of how you come off and how you hurt others who may be on your side. That doesn’t mean people should feel silenced but if we’re trying to create a safe and productive conversation being hostile wont help.
And of course, most importantly, people should remember that there is a big difference between someone who is being actively hostile and shutting down conversation and someone who is just saying something that makes you feel uncomfortable because it points out something unpleasant about your own thoughts and behaviours.
I think the author of that piece has a point, but I also think that some people come to activism expecting that their good intentions mean that everyone should suffer their missteps kindly with only gentle corrections and are shocked when that turns out not to be true. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for people who get upset at legitimate criticism because the delivery was harsh. I don’t expect people new to whatever movement to come into it as perfect little activists. I do expect them to be adults about criticism. It’s the same at a new job, or wherever a person might have a learning curve. You mess up, you take the correction however it comes, you learn, you move on.
Threats of violence are not ok, though, and it’s not “tone policing” to say so.
I really liked that piece, because I often feel like an old crotchety lady on the Internet: “Oh lovely, another self-righteous pile-on.” The vitriol so often surpasses the original sin. And how supposed progressive activists think it’s okay to issue rape threats is … beyond me.
I think you get at an important point though, because one person’s self-righteous pile-on is another’s virtuous call-out, and I don’t think there’s going to be much agreement on which is which. Still, I think it’s important to keep in mind that harshness usually just leads to defensiveness, especially when people are interacting with strangers. I’m really unconvinced that online take-downs do anything but entrench people in their positions.
I really liked that piece, because I often feel like an old crotchety lady on the Internet: “Oh lovely, another self-righteous pile-on.”
Yes, this is very much my feelings and thoughts as well. I recognize that some of the my thoughts and feelings are not going to be accepted by a given group so I tend to just shut up a lot, because it honestly often feels like there are a vocal majority/minority/who knows of activists who sit by their computer screens with bated breath, waiting for someone else to fuck up, so they can throw their Activist Cred on the table like it’s some kind of contest and the first one to call out the mistake in the harshest way possible wins.
No, it’s no one’s responsibility to teach someone else. How being an asshole with corrections if you DO choose to teach someone else is a good thing is beyond me.
How being an asshole with corrections if you DO choose to teach someone else is a good thing is beyond me.
What’s always astonished me is the people that reblog someone’s thing that they disagree with and will add commentary that just goes “WOW NO, YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON” without any explanation or discussion of WHY they think that, basically using their tumblr to broadcast that person’s opinion + their value judgment to their like-minded friends for a round robin of telling the OP they’re “the worst.” What is the POINT of that?
I think it’s harder on the internet when you don’t know any of the people you’re talking to, you can’t see them, and you have a hard time reading tone because you can’t hear what they are saying. And so while I agree that everyone should educate themselves sometimes there are gaps in education, or maybe you agree with the person but you’re phrasing suggests that you don’t and because that can happen all to easily I think it’s really helpful for people to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
That doesn’t mean you have to hold that person’s hand but it does mean that you could maybe ask “are you sure you meant x and not y” or “it sounds like you’re suggesting [insert sexist/racist/homophobic] thing here, that’s inappropriate because of such and such and I’m sure you didn’t mean that, can you clarify?”. If that were combined with an understanding among those who are not as far along in their journey of self awareness that maybe they are not ready for all spaces yet, I think it could really help.
Also death and rape threats are never ever ever ok. It’s the internet, disagreeing with someone or even being kind of an asshole is not the same as climbing through their screen and killing their puppy (and even then, you shouldn’t be raping or killing anyone you should be calling the cops).
This line also stood out to me: “We must paradoxically be “oppressed” and yet bear none of the markings of that oppression upon our consciousness; we can never bear baggage or scars; as people of colour we can never show our veil of double consciousness, per W.E.B DuBois.”
I’ve noticed something online, that I don’t really see in offline life is that there is an expectation that activists or even just feminists should be aware of the ways in which oppression hurts people but not be hurt by it at all and certainly shouldn’t publicly express the ways in which they were hurt by it lest it tarnish the image of the movement. So when women express discomfort with their bodies or people express shame they have over their race or their sexuality or their culture, there is this idea that one should keep those opinions to one’s self because working out your own conflicting feelings about the negative messages the world gave you about yourself is the same as a member of a privileged group promoting the very messages that gave you those anxieties.
And on some level I get it. I’ll give a personal example (a fairly harmless one, to keep things light). Lots of times people get into the discussion of personal grooming and whether or not pubic hair/hair remove is or isn’t feminist. Now I personally couldn’t care less what people do with their bathing suit area but the fact is that I have never removed or trimmed anything down their (I’m not being explicit because I’m at work, but you all know what I mean). And often what happens is someone will pipe up saying Oh I don’t care what people do but I have to wax because otherwise I feel dirty and filthy and it’s just so gross but you know you do you. Which is fine and I want to be sympathetic because this is obviously a struggle for them but at the same time I already get those messages from the dominant culture and they do affect my personal life (having men reject me or make comments because of it) and seeing someone who otherwise identifies as feminist express those thoughts is hurtful, because it’s coming from a space where I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with that.
And I’m guess where I’m going with that weirdly personal anecdote is that while I understand why people get frustrated and hurt by hearing these things from someone that is on their side I think a balance can be struck where people can express the ways they’ve been negatively affected by cultural messages that were given to them. Like, you can say oh I am uncomfortable with my weight right now because I feel pressure to be thin and I don’t like the way I am when I’m not without saying I’m uncomfortable with my weight right now because I’m fat and gross. And if we are going to have to hear that kind of talk from anyone it should at least come from someone who is working on their issues, rather than from someone who doesn’t have them but feels the need to perpetuate them and foist them on others (ex. a man saying well I like women shaved because otherwise it’s nasty).
That was a little incoherent but that quote stood out to me because ~feelings~ and I wanted to see if others had similar experiences or advice on how to balance expressing your discomfort with your body or your ethnicity or gender while not making people who share those aspects feel bad about themselves too.
so… many… dicks… reinforcing my stance that penises devoid of context are just blechh. She’s good at critiquing them though!
Reading “penises devoid of context” just makes me think of someone taking a naked selfie and then photoshoping out everything but the genitals so that it’s just a penis floating in the air.
That said I love a good (solicited) dick pick.
Yeah, I’ve never seen the appeal of any kind of dick pic and would not solicit one. The only one I want to see is the one I’m about to have “context” with. 😀
Yes exactly! Haha!
Rookie also had an interview with Lorde recently that’s really excellent. It’s basically two astute teenage girls having a conversation about their lives and insecurities and making art.
YES I loved that interview. It was the first Lorde interview I’ve seen where the interviewer didn’t seem to categorize her as a quirky novelty or a precocious kid to be patted on the head and allowed to sit at the grown-up table. I think there is something to be said for having teenagers interview teenagers.
I loved that they talked about that “precocious kid” categorization and how they are so aware of it when doing interviews etc. The interview definitely made me more interested to hear what Lorde does next.
That ridiculously amazing NBR speech by Meryl Streep in honor of Emma Thompson did nothing to dim my adoration of either. Awesome Feminist Actresses, unite and take over Hollywood already!
Although it does seem that we have, at last, identified Meryl Streep’s one weakness: not a poet.
The whole speech is joyfully strong.
I THOUGHT that piece seemed really short; i just assumed I was delirious.
That Words piece. Wow. A lot of what I’m taking away is actually her quote from Said talking about “not remaining trapped in the emotional self-indulgence of celebrating one’s own identity.”
If you’ve never been given space to celebrate your identity, getting that space is CRUCIAL. But I think sometimes it’s too easy to make a home there, forgetting that there are other spaces, no matter how destructive and awful they may seem. And instead of reaching out and combining these spaces, we attack, wanting rightly to protect our space, but also setting up boundaries that may be detrimental.
Also Jaya, I’m curious as to why you usually ban curry powder from your kitchen! Also, I am now considering making that recipe over the weekend, it sounded amazing.
Curry powder is one of those bland spice blends that’s not particularly interesting or tasty. I just generally make my own blends at home instead of buying from the store, or use individual spices as I want. And if you’re going for “authenticity” in Indian cuisine, curry powder is not how you do it.
What kinds of blends do you use? (I’m a “throw everything in at a whim” spicer and sometimes it works but sometimes it is nasty.)
WORD.
I usually made Garam Masala for more North Indian recipes, and Panch Phoran for more Bengali stuff. I have amounts written down at home, but Garam Masala is usually something like cumin, corriander, chili pepper, black pepper, cloves, cardamom and cinnamon. Panch Phoran is fennel seeds, fenugreek seeds, black mustard seeds, nigella, and cumin.
Also, re: curry powder, a chef friend of mine swears by Vadouvan. I have never tried it but I trust her! http://www.thespicehouse.com/spices/vadouvan-fren…
My mom puts Garam Masala on her popcorn, and I formally endorse it.
I’m a dedicated smoked paprika for popcorn person, but I’ll have to explore this Garam Masala option…
This reminds me that I need to ask my aunt, whose husband is of Indian descent, what spices she uses when she does curries, etc., because she is the best cook I know. I love when we go to her house, and I’m a pretty good cook to. I suspect that she grinds whole spices though and I still don’t have a mortar and pestle.
For people who live near Seattle though, get all your spices from Market Spice in Pike Place Market; it’s amazing and cheap and the best. Also all your loose leaf tea. And coffee. And maybe just live in there; it smells amazing.
Good to know! Making a blend at home definitely seems worth the effort for flavor that’s more interesting, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind when I attempt Indian recipes.
And I mean. . . you wouldn’t put bright yellow storebought curry powder in a Thai style curry, because it usually has too many “sweet” spices and no lemongrass. Or in a West African style curry, for which you might want more mustard and poppy seeds. There are many things called curry in this world, over time I’ve just found it easier to keep a little of all the various things that go in them.
Exactly. I tend to do a lot of Indian cooking so those are the spices I have, but there is no generic “curry.” Plus if you make your own, you get to play up all the flavors you actually like.
That ‘Words’ piece, damn.. “We must remember that considering the impact of our words and the register in which they are spoken is not genuflection to the oppressor, but love and respect for our peers.”
Just like probably anyone who’s done offline activism, my #1 peeve is that one asshole who sours the demonstration because he can’t wrap his head around the idea that activism has larger purposes than providing him with a means of self-expression. But until I read that piece it never occurred to me that the internet is basically a giant cesspool of That Guy in new non-gender specific form and I guess that’s why I don’t read like 3/4 of the blogs that I used to. When everyone involved in your movement also trying to promote their tumblr, shit gets terrible.
Righto. Also, how is it that That Guy always seems to have vastly more time on his hands and is more filled with passionate intensity than everyone else?
It’s really hard not to read “Harris-Perry” as “Harry Potter.”
Those Rookie women are so awesome. I wish something like it had been around when I was a teenager! But I’m happy it’s here now and that current teenagers can benefit from it. And I mean, I’m a grown-ass adult but I still read it occasionally too.
I liked that Words piece a lot. I have trouble finding a place to feel comfortable in activism because sometimes, I just can’t handle the level of anger involved. It’s not that I think the anger isn’t justified (well, sometimes I do, but I also get that the people expressing it may be coming from a very different place than I am), it’s just that I find that sometimes, reading the level of anger and rage leveled at people for small slights or failing to uphold the Platonic ideal of feminism makes me feel physically ill. And I don’t want to be a part of that. The Toast has been a pretty good antidote to that, like, 99% of the time, which makes me much happier.
Yeah same. Especially for me, with feminism, I’m always hoping to find ways to productively apply it to my life to make things better or easier for women. And I think that a lot of the anger just ends up making me tired, and it makes it hard to have a constructive conversation with someone that could lead to change. Not that anger isn’t warranted, like, yesterday while reading about the woman who’s end of life directives were ignored because she was pregnant made me furious and sad, but sometimes the level of anger on places like Tumblr are so much that it’s hard to even have a conversation.
There are problems with the way tumblr is structured that makes it a terrible medium for most sorts of activism. Not that that is The Problem, but the shift away from blogs and LJ has, I think, diminished a certain kind of conversation while simultaneously facilitating other kinds that are more prone to certain sorts of problems.
It is also very hard to have these sorts of conversations without feeling you are slipping into conciliating with niceness nannies. “See! Even you agree that we need be nicer or else how will we change minds?” There’s a lot more nuance than that. I think the line about realizing self-temperance is for the community’s good and not the oppressors’ tries to get at this, but there’s more that could be said.
That’s far from my only thoughts on this, but it’s all I have time for right now.