Past installments of “Fat, Frugal, and Stylish” can be found here.
It’s cold, y’all. It is so cold that I am too cold to make hyperbolic jokes about how cold it is as an easy way to open a column. It is, certainly, too cold for fashion. There is no way to look sexy in this kind of weather. Ideally we would just all be walking around wrapped in every blanket we own, with maybe like a bow on top so that everyone can see aproximately where our heads are and direct their comments or questions accordingly. In real life, unfortunately, we have things like “jobs” and “dress codes” and “not wanting to drag our grandmother’s homemade quilt through three feet of muddy slush,” so we’re stuck with clothes until science gets around to inventing something better.
And since clothes are mandatory, we might as well find some cute ones. You know how for the last three winters you’ve just been wearing three oversized sweatshirts and two pairs of gloves all the time, plus leggings under your jeans because it doesn’t seem worth the expenditure to buy long underwear? Please tell me that isn’t just me. Anyway, we all need to stop doing that and get real coats for grown-ups and wear them and keep a decent pair of gloves in the pockets in case we forget to bring gloves when we leave the house on a cold day.
If you’re living on a shoestring budget like most of us, a winter coat makes a significant dent in your budget and might require some advance planning and saving, but it’s worth the scrimping to be able to stand outside for the five minutes it takes to scrape the snow off your car without getting frostbite everywhere, including your nipples. Console yourself for the weeks of macaroni-and-peanut-butter dinners in your future by getting a coat in a fun, bright color! (This genuinely works on me. I see yellow or fuchsia or anything sparkly and all my problems are temporarily forgotten. I understand that adult humans may require more advanced coping mechanisms.) Anyway, this is the coat I bought, in purple (sorry, “blackberry,” heaven forfend we should call colors by their actual names), but all of the other colors are great too, plus it’s on sale now so you can get it for less than I spent and feel smug about it.
If you want a more neutral color in your outerwear, this pea coat comes in black, gray, navy, and “camel,” which I would call “tan” because I am appalling. Or go retro and foxy in a trench coat (although, to be honest, if I were going to purchase a trench coat it would be this one). On the other hand, if your preferred mode of transportation in the cold would be “rolling down the street in a giant marshmallow, picking up pedestrians and small animals Katamari-style,” there’s always the old reliable puffer coat, like this one, which is available in several real colors and also several vegetables, such as “fig” and “eggplant.” Finally, if you’re really attached to your all-sweatshirt all-winter plan, at least grab a down vest (on clearance!) to keep you cozy under your light “Cold? What cold?” outer layer.
Surviving the winter months is at least as much about the accessories as the coat. You need scarves, gloves, and hats to protect your delicate extremities from the wind chill and add a little extra color and texture to your ensemble. The important thing to remember is that these items do not ever need to be expensive. Sure, you could blow $300 on literally just a piece of fabric to go around your neck, and if you are in a position to do so I would never judge you; I’m sure it’s very soft. But this one and this one are both approximately one-zillionth the price, come in several bright and cheerful colors, and will keep your collarbone every bit as warm. Grab some gloves on clearance (or just ask for a new pair every Christmas, like I do) and a soft hat (everyone’s hair is going to get fucked up in this weather; don’t worry about it too much) and you’ll be ready to cheerfully scuttle the twenty feet from your doo to the car, cursing blasphemously under your breath the whole time!
Your other option, of course, is to befriend a knitter; these strange creatures spend the winter months curled up on the couch producing scarves and hats at a rate faster than the human eye can follow, and they will be happy to give you a few just to make more room in their craft basket. If you really want them to love you, find some yarn that you like (go to a craft store if you want to save on something decent, a yarn store if you want to splurge on something fancy) and present them with a couple of skeins and a request to make you whatever sounds like fun to them. Thank them profusely when presented with the finished project. Unused to appreciation of their talents from civilized society, they will clasp you to their bosom and cherish you forever, and you will never run out of potholders for the rest of your life.
So now that you have your outer layers taken care of, what should you wear underneath? “Nothing” is a fine answer if you’re planning a Valentine’s Day surprise, but otherwise people will be expecting you to have a whole functioning outfit on even when you take off your coat. Tweed skirts are one of my favorite winter clothing items – everyone looks awesome and professional in tweed, plus it’s warm and cozy and great. I scored a couple of tweed skirts at a thrift store a few weeks ago, and I’m totally in love with them and I want to spread the joy. If you strike out at the thrift store, this skirt is super cute, and it’s on sale. Wear it with a comfy sweater or dress it up a little (I am not over peplums; I will never be over peplums). If you can pull off sort of a witchy thing, with some pointy black boots, this longer one is also on sale and would look so phenomenal on you with a soft, sexy sweater and some kind of big crazy funky necklace.
If you’re not about the skirt life (or not in January anyway), a tweed blazer is also a good way to look put-together but still capture the feeling of curling up under a comforter with a book and a hot cup of tea. This one appeals to my inner magpie while still looking sophisticated, as does this awesome turquoise jacket which I covet, though even on clearance it would still be about four months’ worth of clothing budget for me. There aren’t a lot of great tweed jacket options for women in plus sizes, unfortunately, but if you rock menswear the world is your warm, tweedy oyster. And of course, even if tweed is not your jams, a plain blazer still looks great for work or a casual evening out while still allowing you to basically wear a coat inside.
Extra layers are what this time of year is all about. Long sweaters that you wear over cute pants are an extra layer of warmth for your butt. Skinny jeans (that come in short sizes, thank the fat baby Jesus) tucked into knee-high wide-calf boots are like permanent leg warmers. And no matter what you’re wearing, it can always be improved by adding a V-neck sweater. (Horizontal stripes look good on EVERYONE and I will proclaim it with my dying breath.)
If all else fails? Make yourself a hot toddy (or any variation on hot beverage plus liquor) and pull that blanket back up over your head. Then, click your heels together and say “There’s no place like Hawaii.” Repeat until someone invents teleportation, or until April, whichever gets here first.
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Illustrations by Jen Fowler.
Tags: fashion, fat frugal and stylish, jen fowler, lindsay king-miller
As a resident of northern Canada, I have a lot of Feelings about the cold. Namely:
1) Wool, wool everywhere. Today I am wearing an entire wool outfit (wool tights, wool skirt, wool sweater, wool socks, wool coat) and am toasty. Do not buy peacoats less than 75% wool as they will not keep you warm. Acrylic is the anti-wool: it is not warm and will pill within days.
2) boots! A good pair of waterproof, sticky-soled boots in so nice. It’s worth it both now when it’s cold and later when everything melts and turns to slush.
I’m lucky I live in southern Canada because I’m allergic to wool. 🙁 I hope you are wearing all of the fabulous sweaters.
I have a hard time with wool because I find it itchy. I substitute silk long johns if I can find them (SUPER WARM) or double-layered tights if necessary.
Also, BOOTS WITH GOOD TREAD. How is it even legal to sell smooth-soled boots?
Yes silk underthings are the warmest! And least itchy. You can often find bargains at Sierra Trading Company & similar outlets.
OH MY GOD, boots with tread! In December I looked high and low for some boots with decent tread; I was even willing to go way out my price range, but even then the tread that I found more for decoration(??!!!) than usefulness. As a last ditch effort I went to a Payless and wandered into the men’s section, low and behold I found some cute gender-neutral waterproof combat boots with hearty tread for like $30! It was infuriating. These were way cheaper and by far the best boots I’ve ever worn in terms of comfort and durability.
WOMEN HAVE TO WALK IN THE SNOW, TOO, DAMNIT.
Nonsense, your valet should carry you from your doorstep to your carriage.
What are you even doing outside? Find a man to provide for you and you’ll never have to leave the house, silly!
Ditto to this–would love to wear wool; turn into an itchy wiggly mess if I try to.
Yes to waterproof boots! I bought these boots two years ago and I can’t stop loving them–they’re waterproof, rated to -40F, AND flowered. They keep my feet warmer than any of my previous boots and I don’t need to own a separate pair of rain boots.
I love Bogs! Versatile, cute, and warm.
I am a seasonal knitter and pretty much everything you say is true. I knit because I’m cold and crave something squishy and woolen to curl up with. Currently: bright yellow cowl (anyone who doesn’t love bright colors is wrong).
As a genuine Person Who Lives In A Cold Climate, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND buying the absolute warmest coat you can afford. I am a big fan of down (or down alternative) insulated coats over wool, generally because I find the shell keeps out the wind better than wool? But I understand not everyone needs parkas!
The best time to go shopping for Serious Winter Coats will be in about a month, at department stores. Or now if your stores are serious about moving product. Get the best damn coat you can afford on clearance, in a colour you like, wear it for years.
And then get a pair of serious winter boots (not “fashion boots”), wear tights under your pants for an extra layer of warmth, and go forth and be cozy! (You can have my Sorels when you pry them from my warm dead dry feet.)
Hooray! There can never be too much FF&S in this lifetime.
I know the cowl neck is all controversial and stuff (never been sure why), but the partner accidentally destroyed my perfect, moderate-depth black cowl shell in the was a little while back, and now I’m wondering if anyone has a replacement (in a 16-18 size) they can endorse? Or better yet, a great sweater?
*moderate-depth meaning that it doesn’t require more layers worn underneath.
This: http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/bcx-sweater-th…
Not this: http://bowdenisms.blogspot.com/2012/09/three-ways…
Look up Columbia’s “She Pines for Alpine” sweater. It is very plain, but the cut is excellent. Perfect length, skims over my fat rolls, warm. I bought one, wear it constantly, and am longing to afford another. Truly my favorite and most flattering sweater of all time. I have it in purple sage, which less-educated people might call brown.
Why yes, I AM extremely witchy (in my dreams), and I WILL buy that tweed skirt and wear it with purple lipstick. Thanks Lindsay!
Weird punk witch is the best style. I fear summer, when my boots, faux-leather jacket, and layered tights/socks won’t be useful anymore. Tweed skirts are always amazing though.
The one thing that has gotten me through this winter?
FLEECE
LINED
LEGGINGS.
I have been able to keep wearing all my cute skirts and dresses without having to wear horrible unflattering pants*. Layer over tights for extra warmth! Layer over FLEECE-LINED TIGHTS for true imperviousness to the cold! (When it was single-digit degrees out, two layers of fleece on my legs + wool socks + long princess coat + appropriate wool accessories = the only part of me that really suffered was the three inches of my face around my eyes.) I got fleece-lined leggings at Avenue and Re/Dress, and the fleece-lined tights from Silkies.
* Not all pants are unflattering, but my work pants certainly are. I should get some that aren’t. Or keep wearing skirts.
I bought some of those, *hoping* for a miracle… but they didn’t stretch. They just sat there… mid-thigh… yelling at me “you expect us to go further up? nope. we refuse to budge or stretch”
Try Sockdreams – they offer some very lovely warm tights, and they have a robust selection that comes in plus sizes, and they’re great for giving details in the descriptions of things like, “This says it fits up to 200 lbs, but we found that after XX inches it stopped stretching so well.” and “says it fits only to 160 lbs but we found it stretched beautifully to fit XX inches on thighs and XX on waists!”
oh, rad, thanks!
I admit I did have to do some unattractive hopping and flailing around to get mine onto my size 22/24 butt. And the leggings from Re/Dress slide down a lot, though they released a higher-waised version that supposedly stays up better.
If someone could tell me where to find some professional pants that fit that would be great.
Yup I bought 3 pairs on Groupon back in November and it turns out I am Rainman because HOLY HELL did I need them. Granted this particular brand isn’t that great (waistband is forgiving but a little too forgiving, they keep slipping down and adjusting them is awkward) but at least I am warm.
Yup yup yup, all the fleece leggings and tights all the time. I have worn pants exactly once during this entire awful winter and I regretted it immediately. Fleece tights! Tall socks! Tall boots! Warm legs!
Oh FUCK YES.
When the temperature goes below 20F I just turn into a giant haystack of faux fur and motheaten cashmere, and have recently learned that pleather leggings + fleece lined tights make pretty excellent snowpants (in other news do not take any fashion advice from me I am deranged).
Faux fur is SHOCKINGLY cozy.
This FF Gal is literally struggling with the reality that my TnA coat has become more of a sausage casing / deathtrap than a warmth providing garment. Mostly my partner just shakes his head as he hears me yelling about the eternal struggle while trying to zip against opposing forces! He’s a kind man though and will often aid me in getting that zipper closed.
Anyone have any recommendations of a similar style of coat (i.e. long to keep out the bitter but polite Canadian cold) – but one that would be more accommodating of my beautiful hips and booty?
I have both hips and booty (plus thighs!) and I have the Land’s End “swing coat” in ‘luxe’ wool (whatever that is) that I find nicely warm down to about 20 degrees F and then I have a long down coat from them for the REAL cold. Both of these accommodate my assets nicely.
Down coat: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-expeditio…
Car coat: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-luxe-wool…
That coat is GORGEOUS! It’s my favourite colour too!
Which one? I went way outside my previous comfort zone of blacks and greys when I got these – Indonesian Teal and that bright, bright red. Wooot! If I fall in a snowbank they can find me!
I just bought the Teal Parka! I’m so excited and the fact it comes in a petite size – I am almost squealing with glee.
Yay!! I hope you love it! My only nitpick with it is that the velcro catches on stuff, but as long as you’re careful about that it’s a great coat!
I have the swing coat, but I’m not full figured enough for the high pleat in the back to look good. So I took it to a tailor who sewed the pleat shut about halfway down and BLAMMO, perfect coat.
Land’s End is pretty much out of coats, but in a few months, they’re definitely the place to go. I have a mid-calf-length puffy coat from there that I will never, ever, ever give up, and they have a pretty decent plus-size department, all things considered.
This winter has really fucked up my attempt to turn my back on pants, and now all my normal-coloured jeans have crotch holes.
Ok so I do NOT understand why anyone buys those crazy designer jeans that are like $200 because I don’t care if God Herself dictated the pocket placement, the denim will wear away in the crotch just the same as it does in my $20 H+M jeans.
What are everyone’s suggestions for boots that will be waterproof and warm through slushy weather, while still “professional” enough to wear to work? I work at a pretty casual place but haven’t quite allowed myself to wear my snow boots, and I’m too lazy to do the whole changing shoes when you get to work thing.
I am super in love with these Tretorn ankle boots, though they’re not insulated for the subzero temperatures we’ve had here in the Midwest. When it’s above 20F, though, I’m all over them.
You’ve got to change your shoes! It’s a life changer. Just leave a pair or two of shoes at work.
You can also waterproof some more fashiony boots – I like to use Huberd’s Shoe Grease (same recipe since 1921!) because apparently I am old. It’s worked great so far on my brown Aldo boots and black Timberlands – I would be cautious with more, I guess, decorative leather. I just rub it in, especially on the seams, about every six weeks or so and step in puddles with impunity.
I just got a pair of Maine Hunting Shoes from L.L. Bean. I suffer the same dilemma–my hiking boots work fine as snow shoes with thick socks, but they aren’t very pretty. The Bean boots are a little sleeker and lighter than snow boots, but they’re waterproof and were fine in freezing weather yesterday with wool socks. (Still haven’t tried them in super-super-cold weather or trudging through lots of snow, though Philly has that planned.)
I bought these this winter and they have been great: http://www.blondo.ca/en/product/women/fall-winter…. They’re waterproof and lined, so my feet stay comfy when I’m tromping through the slush. The lining isn’t super-thick, but plenty warm enough for my 10-15 minute walk to/from the subway. Also I think they come in wide calf widths, which is helpful.
La Canadienne! They are pricey, but mine are at least 6 years old now and look new, plus they are extremely warm, waterproof, and still look good/fashionable. Magic!
I swear by Merrells, myself–I just realized the other day that I own more pairs of those than my male lifemate owns actual pairs of shoes, period.
some of their styles are more “I’m going hiking!”-y than others, but the ones that say “waterproof” truly are, & they last forever. my “collection” (what) includes pairs purchased in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2010, & 2013, & all are still going strong. they’re super comfy too.
Someone tell me some good fleece-lined leggings that fit over chubby butts. I can juuust barely fit into the L/XL size of the Legale leggings but it’s not super comfortable.
http://www.silkies.com/itemdy00.asp?T1=9725&C… Fleece-lined tights! http://www.silkies.com/itemdy00.asp?T1=9726&C… Fleece-lined leggings! http://www.redressnyc.com/jiuyu-luxury-fleece-lin… and http://www.redressnyc.com/mopas-fleece-lined-legg… – fleece-lined leggings in MORE COLORS! (the latter might work better if you’re on the border of regular and plus sizes)
May I add that length is your friend, to a point? My coat is about knee length, and crucially, the buttons go ALL the way to the bottom. None of this buttons-to-the-hip-on-a-calf-length-coat nonsense. There’s a box pleat in the back so I can walk, but nowhere in the coat is there a vent, a flap, or any other opening which immediately defeats the point of having a longer coat in the first place.
To be fair, this was so hard to find I had to make the coat, which is not exactly feasible for most people.
Credentials: I live in dreary, wet, cold Montreal.
Question about infinity scarves! I see them everywhere but they’re always just sort of draped loosely around a person’s upper torso. Are they actually warm? doesn’t the fact that they have to fit over your head imply that it will not be making close contact with your neck or can you wrap them some other way? I would prefer that a scarf totally cover my neck and maybe part of my face at times.
Just drape them in smaller circles! So instead of two big loops, three or four smaller ones.
It’s -30C here today. Let me tell you about my Canadian Warmth Trifecta:
-WOOL. Like others have said, this is the absolute best thing for the cold. Find yourself some wool tights. Rejoice. If you can find someone (grannies at farmers’ markets) selling boiled wool anything, buy it. I have two pairs of boiled wool mittens and I rarely need anything else. If you find wool to be too scratchy, get some cashmere. It can be expensive but it’s like getting fuzzy hugs all day, on days when you need a lot of fuzzy hugs.
-Flannel! You are basically wearing pyjamas in public, while also looking like you belong in a grunge band. What else could you want?
-Long underwear! Top and bottom. Layers under everything without looking stupidly bulky.
Bonus: gr8 lipstick. You can’t possibly be cold when you look so goddamn hot, right?
RE: bonus: if you’re me, skip the lipstick in favor of Windburnt Lips this season. So hot!
(not hot, I miss my summer lips.)
I do a sugar scrub (olive oil + brown sugar is nice) once or twice a week and wear a lot of those Revlon Kissable/Just Bitten balm stains, because they have a really nice colour, and the new matte ones aren’t as drying as regular lipstick. Works like a charm!
Those Revlon balm stains are the best, am I right? I have like 6 of them. Wearing Honey right now!
this goddamn cold, right? yesterday I actually thought to myself, “oh it’s only -30 with the wind chill, might as well walk home”.
(just wanted to commiserate; I only just bought Proper Winter Boots for myself last winter so I really have no grounds to advise others.)
Rushing to the bottom to say I got that cat coat (swing coat?) version of your Land’s End pea coat, only in “Indonesian Teal” – is Indonesian Teal different than other Teal?) and I loooooove it. I also got it on sale, and this thing kicks so much ass.
OK, going back to read the rest now.
If you can afford it, Merino Wool. Expensive, and all I have in it is a single pair of socks, but they are the softests, warmest best socks I own. I bought them on my hadrians wall walk and it was the best £10.50 I ever spent.
Hikers, climbers and mountaineers wear merino as a base layer.
Likewise for those in NZ or Australia or with connections there, possum fur. My aunt is slowly kitting out the entire family with gloves and scarves, one Christmas at a time, and my hands are never cold in those soft fluffy gloves.
Who has owned a Canada Goose coat? I DREAM OF AFFORDING ONE, ONE DAY.
LIFE GOAL. I may or may not go to Simons sometimes and give them a snuggle.
I think I want to own one? But then I would blend in with every single person in my city so…maybe not.
I don’t own one, but I wear one of them sometimes for work, and it is so warm it is crazy. One day I will buy one…
What kind of amazing job provides you with coats? So jealous!
I have a Land’s End wool coat in purp…er, “blackberry” as well! I love it. Colorful and unique compared with all the ubiquitous black coats, but dark enough to hide the season’s accumulated dirt and dinge. But it’s barely seen the light of day this winter, because these polar vortices (pl of vortex?) mean it’s all down coat, all the time.
Colors that hide dinginess are so important. I got a silver puffer coat last winter and it’s looking a little grimy. Next time I’ll buy one in a dark fancy color.
Not to be The Person Who’s WAY Too Into DIY, but if you are unmoved by available commercial scarf options, crocheting one yourself is not too terribly difficult (I taught myself via tutorials on YouTube!) and you can get the exact color/size you want.
I tried to learn to knit for this reason – I have a scarf (well, a “scarf”) that I have knitted and unknitted about six billion times and never finished.
I had the most timely annoyed conversation with a lady on my floor at work this morning; she mentioned that she saw me wearing my new pretty blue coat and said that it was pretty and blue.
Me: “Thanks! I totally stalked it and got it on 50 percent off clearance!”
Her: “You shouldn’t say that…just say thanks. No one needs to know that, and you shouldn’t downgrade compliments.”
Me: “Umm…I’m not downgrading anything. I’m super happy and proud and bragging.”
Because seriously, who the hell thinks that getting an awesome coat at half off the clearance price is not something to be bragged about? I don’t understand some people.
I’ve had people tell me that before. I think it’s a throwback to an old-fashioned ideal that one does not discuss money, even saving it, if one is to be classy. I see where it comes from, but everyone I know loves to share their clearance victories as well, so I pay no mind.
Whhaaatt?! If I get a great deal on something, I brag more about how little I paid than the garment itself.
Ugh! To me that’s just the standard way of turning a compliment into a conversation! Like, where you got it, how cheap it was, etc. “No one needs to know that.” I LOVE hearing about deals people got! That woman does not know what she’s talking about.
‘Well, you shouldn’t condescendingly tell people how to accept compliments,’
“Your other option, of course, is to befriend a knitter . . . they will be happy to give you a few [scarves] just to make more room in their craft basket.”
I may be a particularly selfish knitter, but I DO NOT take requests. If the mood strikes me, I will knit for my mom, or for babies of people I like. I will gladly teach someone to knit.
(Two years ago I reluctantly agreed to “just fix these two hats that someone knitted for me, because she knitted them wrong.” Those hats are still on my coffee table, and they make me angry every time I see them.)
I’m like that too: when people are like “I looooove that hat your husband is wearing will you make me one??” I won’t. It’s like solving the same math problem more than once: why would you? /myopinion
AMEN.
The suggestion here that sweatshirts constitute outerwear if you believe hard enough makes me wonder if you are in Pittsburgh, because I see a minimum of five people every damn day wearing a hoodie (or two!) in place of an actual coat. And we’ve been Polar Vortexing here, too! It’s been between No and Very Few Degrees! Hoodies will not keep you warm enough, people!
At least they’re not wearing flip-flops. I saw a BAREFOOT DUDE the other day when it was 18 degrees.
Whyyy is that black sweater $54? I want it. 🙁
As a native of upstate New York, I can tell you that if you live here (Finger Lakes or anywhere north of us), a wool pea coat will not cut it for winter. I forgot this fact after living in NYC for 6 years, but I relearned it soon after moving back.
I highly recommend stalking Land’s End for coat sales, ordering a down coat in a couple sizes and colors, and returning the ones that don’t fit/colors you don’t like to your nearest Sears. You can return them anytime, which is great for those who only go to malls under duress and thus will procrastinate for months to avoid going, not that I know anything about that.
yeah, I was surprised by that, too. A hip-length pea coat to keep you warm!? Lindsey, more power to you for living in a reasonable climate, but there are ways to be warmer if you ever want to!
'Well, you shouldn't condescendingly tell people how to accept compliments,'
La Canadienne! They are pricey, but mine are at least 6 years old now and look new, plus they are extremely warm, waterproof, and still look good/fashionable. Magic!
yeah, I was surprised by that, too. A hip-length pea coat to keep you warm!? Lindsey, more power to you for living in a reasonable climate, but there are ways to be warmer if you ever want to!
This winter has really fucked up my attempt to turn my back on pants, and now all my normal-coloured jeans have crotch holes.