This is Matt Lubchansky’s representation of Nicole carrying Mallory, a la “Footprints.”
In honour of Nicole, Mallory, and toast, let’s celebrate all of us, Toasties. In total violation of all etiquette, in addition to the usual comments and story-telling and advice-seeking and giving, say something nice about yourself. Anything. We want to know. Today.
I want every comment to have at least a word of positivity that can begin to melt my ice-cold soul. This is inspired by all the fabulous people at the NYC meetup. The ice-cold soul is inspired by the NYC weather.
Tags: cocktail hour, matt lubchansky, meta, open thread, the bartender
Something nice about myself?
Um.
OK.
I’m a good writer, and I am a good friend. Plus, I am really pretty. And funny! And loving!
(you have no idea how many ‘quite’s, ‘I guess’es and other qualifiers I had to consciously delete from this)
No “justs” in this comment! You are amazing.
So used to verbally undermining any positive self-talk. It’s all ‘Well, I’m sort of good looking if you like fat, pasty redheads with weird hair and bad teeth?’ and ‘I guess I’m kind of a good writer when I can get it together enough to write’.
NO MORE. UNMITIGATED SELF-POSITIVITY.
I’ve been called out on the qualifiers with the phrase “Don’t cry bad fish!” As in, if you’re at a fish market trying to sell your fish, don’t cry out “Bad fish for sale!” or “Kind of, sort of, OK fish here!” Ain’t nobody trying to buy bad fish.
I always enjoy your comments ’round these parts, so you are definitely a good writer and funny!
GO, YOU! Cut those qualifiers out; you don’t need them, you lovely brilliant thing!
Me too – I kept putting words like “pretty” and “sometimes” in front of my good qualities and I really had to catch myself. Funny how hard it can be to just say nice things about yourself….
This is not about me, but ice-cold weather related – it has been above freezing in Chicago! For days! Days in a row!
Okay, something about me – I make beautiful things. Things with a lot of love in them. I am currently making a quilt for a dear friend expecting a baby, and I am really enjoying the love I am pouring into it. That sounds pretty cheesy, but it’s true!
The above freezing in Chicago thing is so amazing. I’m in such a good mood from there being sun when I woke up, and not having to put a hat on to go to work!
All this energy might also be because I successfully completed all three sets of day 3 of that Feel the Burn from ages ago last night. I could only do two-at-best sets before. Most of the downward dog push-ups were hanging off the bed, but I still feel accomplished.
WOW! You’re a beast! And it’s such a beautiful day!
Yeah Chicago! I am honestly a little worried about this 39 degree weather we’re gonna have later today. I may get heat stroke.
I’m still waiting for it stay above freezing OVERNIGHT. It will truly be a miracle when sidewalks are not icy deathtraps every morning.
I can’t even remember what it’s like to walk without fear anymore.
I totally relate to the Above Freezing thing! Today in Calgary it’s supposed to be above freezing for the first time in what feels like Actual Forever. And 16C on Sunday!!!!!!!!
What’s your quilt going to look like?? I have one all planned out for a friend’s baby but I can’t find the motivation to start.
it is all bright teals and blues and yellows and oranges and is mostly hexagons and sixpointed stars (with a bunch of extraneous triangles)
That kind of sounds like a horror to piece together (spoken as someone who has only attempted squares, once). It sounds like it will be really pretty though!
I love making baby quilts, personalizing them for the family & all. Such a soulful activity, and always appreciated. You’re probably a lot better at it than I am, and you’re definitely kinder than I am (I have so many babies, now toddlers or kindergarteners, I meant to make quilts for.)
ha! this is actually my very first quilt, and probably the only one I will make for non-blood-kin.
Learning to knit is teaching me the value of something worked on with love versus its perceived imperfections next to machine-made items. So I think this is a good quality!
yes! I am also a knitter (actually most of the beautiful things I make are knit) and there is something so nice about passing on hand-made items (or hoardning them for oneself)
My best friend made a baby quilt for my baby, and my shower is this weekend, and I am so excited to see it! You are a great friend.
Friends, I am happy this week because I had a piece up here at the Toast (!) and because it’s going to be 60 degrees on Sunday. Also, because I have committed to writing at least 100 words and doing at least 10 push-ups every night, and I’ve done it four nights in a row and am going strong. I can already feel my arms getting stronger. It’s so great.
In sadder news, the burger truck with the BEST veggie burgers that was going to come to my office is wimping out because of rain. But you know what? I am an adult, and I can go to the other local burger place and get myself a veggie burger, and no one can judge or stop me.
What are you celebrating today, beautiful people?
Your piece really made me think about various narratives we use to draw people to sports–or anything really. It was excellent.
I’m celebrating spring, the return of my social self.
Edited: as for nice things about myself, I have great brows.
I am celebrating YOUR commitment to push-ups! GO YOU!
I loved your piece – I don’t know much at all about MMA, but so much of what you wrote applied to the sports I do follow, it was really interesting to see how those narratives are everywhere!
I am celebrating starting my spring break a day early by hanging out in NH with the best boyfriend and kitty cat in all the land!
Oh man, I love veggie burgers. They’re so good! I like them better than regular burgers a lot of the time.
I’m celebrating having my house to myself for the whole weekend. Cooking project for me this weekend! With no one else’s tastes to take into account!
I made a truly awesome cake for my dad’s birthday yesterday! I may have very few marketable skills, but I can make a solid cake. Two layers, chocolate with chocolate buttercream, coconut pastry cream filling (thanks for the links last week!), decorated with Trader Joe’s roasted coconut chips.
(That’s about all I’ve got, y’all. Tough day/week.)
Sorry your week was tough 🙁
Everyone loves a good cake-maker, though.
You had me until all the coconut. But I bet it was still delicious and a good-looking AND delicious layer cake is a thing of beauty, and a challenge to execute well. So props to you!
You are a Cake Goddess (and a regular lovely human).
I am an awesome baker but layer cakes are my downfall. Regular cakes? Fine. But as soon as I start thinking about stacking them I somehow completely fall apart. I’m very jealous of your skillz!
The trick is working with the layers COLD. Much less chance of everything falling to pieces. End of the day, though, cake is cake and people will be so happy with it, in whatever configuration they can get it.
The assembly part isn’t where I have problems, it’s like my brain short circuits just because I know I’m going to stack them. Last time I only put in half the flour, once I somehow left myself way to little time, or I’ll swap baking powder and soda. Rookie mistakes! It’s so weird!
Making a good cake is a marketable skill. That cake sounds divine.
give me this cake now
I have to agree. Like, I honestly think it’s kind if fucked up that you didn’t bring enough for the internet. I’m just putting it out there, because it’s how I feel.
I’m sorry, it was inexcusable!
I am entranced by that drawing. Kudos!
Okay, a nice thing about me: I have identified a short-term but Very Important goal & am, though it scares me, actively pursuing it . Making a leap of faith about myself is challenging, but I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.
Meanwhile. ACK! Within a month my baby will have heard from colleges. The first one will be next week, because of course a math-intensive school notifies on Pi Day. He’s been spending all his free time delivering pizzas and tutoring to earn cash for his future, and I just want it to be a fun and dynamic one that makes him happy, and none of those admissions offices or financial aid offices will let me just camp out on their doorsteps asking ‘have you decided yet? have you? huh? what about now?’ I can’t imagine why.
Waiting. Bleah.
As someone who has waited for responses from colleges in the not-too-distant past, getting those first acceptance letters after all the stress of waiting is just the very best feeling. And he will get in somewhere! (Many places, from the sound of it!) And the celebration will be amazing.
hahahaha they specifically said they were going to notify on Pi Day? or is that a coincidence? No it’s probably on purpose. I love that.
NERDS. The best.
It’s entirely on purpose. They even have a video on their admissions site with people being hit by pie & the notice of exactly what time the applicants can log in to check.
(I… would be wrong and cruel and not motherly if I somehow disabled our modem at that time, right? Even though it would be kinda funny?)
OH my god. It would be hilarious but then your son will go to college and literally not come back, so maybe don’t.
I suppose you’re right. Damnit.
Also, this illustration is tops!
i want fic about it, ngl.
I dunno, wouldn’t that be a little like reading fic about your parents?
Not THAT kind of fic. Cracky adventure fic. Nicole and Mallory on a desert island. Nicole and Mallory on a desert island inhabited by a society of miniature horses. Nicole and Mallory on a desert island inhabited by a society of miniature horses…in space.
Ok, that would be pretty delightful.
I’m glad you replied initially b/c the other interpretation completely did not occur to me and it was probably good I clarified. So thank you. 🙂
I got my first grad school acceptance letter yesterday!! And it came with a teaching position!! I mean, it’s pretty much my last choice school (in my hometown, afraid I might end up moving into my parents’ basement), but I’m just glad to finally hear from somebody.
Congratulations, and may it be just the first of a bunch of acceptance letters!
Congrats!
Congratulations!
Congrats! And it comes with funding, so that’s great!
I have managed to carve out a life for myself that is very enjoyable, from maintaining a great relationship to surrounding myself with amazingly supportive friends to going to a Toast meetup and finding out that lots of you consider me an actual writer that you like. I am very proud of this. I feel like I’ve worked for it and I want to enjoy that hard work. I will enjoy it. Yes.
This has been Jaya Talking Herself Into Things.
You ARE an actual writer that we like! And I am so very glad that you feel good about the life you have made for yourself.
you are an actual writer that I actually like.
an actual writer that I actually REALLY like
Indeed!
I simultaneously want to make some sort of “duh you like me, I’m awesome” comment and “oh god no stop that” comment, so just mash all of that together in your heads.
Thank you for describing exactly how it feels when I receive compliments. I am wildly overconfident and at the same time manage to have severe impostor syndrome. What is up with that?
I describe it as the “look at me don’t look at me” feeling.
BTW the “etiquette” mention is for you.
You’re the best
I have nice eyes and I will answer my phone for you at any time of night as long as I can hear it. (I’m a heavy sleeper with good intentions).
Today at work so far I have written wedding lists and freaked out. 71 days seems like a short time. I am talking to my sister who is still snuggled into her bed with my niece and that is calming me down. (Apparently my almost-three year old niece is currently trying to lick my sister’s ankles, which my sister has Thoughts about. Addie thinks she’s a pterodactyl and that’s how they give kisses).
I’m 85 days out! It’s not enough time. Oh god it’s happening. Congrats though!
Congratulations! Once it turned to double-digit days I lost my shit and have not completely recovered it yet.
You too??? I am April 27 and slowly beginning to flip shit.
May 17. My shit done flipped.
My wife and I got married on May 17, 2012. It’s a good day for a wedding. Congrats!
Thank you!
I know you’re inundated with wedding advice, and I don’t know your circumstances, but I’ll say this: the couple of months leading up to The Big Day were really stressful, and even the morning of our wedding, I honestly worried I wouldn’t enjoy it because I thought I’d be too paranoid about all the details being in place (I do a lot of event planning in my job, so it’s in my nature). But once we got there, it all fell into place and it was truly among the best days of my life.
So helpful and so nice to hear 🙂 Thank you very much!
I mean, I am trying my very hardest to not be a ‘zilla of any shape or description. I want everyone to be happy and relaxed and at the end of the day be married. But when you’re throwing a party for a hundred and ten people there is still plenty to stress over.
Oh yes there is. I’m only expecting about 50 people and I still have a laundry list of shit to get done. Next up: get my dress altered. This fills me with scaredness.
I bought my dress right off the rack in June and just last weekend actually bothered to get undergarments for it so I can go get it taken in a bit and shortened and SO MANY WHAT IFS AROUND THIS.
So what I’m saying is consider me 100% commiserating with you.
ME TOO. Oh thank goodness I am so glad I’m not the only one who waited, um, a long time.
Also, it is 100% OKAY to feel stressed about this and do not let that make you feel you are becoming a control freak/Bridezilla/other pejorative sexist term. It is OKAY because you are planning a large, important, ceremony and party, and there are probably a lot of moving parts and people and emotions involved. It is okay to feel stressed about that, because let’s face it, we are not professional party planners and this is all new to us. Plus, you know, emotions and life changes, etc. Do not let anyone guilt you into feeling that you are Doing It Wrong because you are not doing it wrong, at all, the end.
Oh man, I just about cried at my desk. You don’t know how bad I needed to hear that. I have wonderful friends and family all involved in this, but it’s somehow easier to believe hearing it from someone else. The one other great thing I heard recently was Your Wedding Is Not A Burden – ie. people are actually going to want to come because they love you, your date is not a giant inconvenience, it’s okay to register for gifts because people want to give you something you’ll like, your bridesmaids are not all complaining behind your back, etc.
Trust me, I totally feel the exact same way about many of those things. It is OKAY to be stressed and uncertain about stuff! Don’t get into the trap of “omg people will think you’re a bridezilla if you express opinions!” because YOU CAN HAVE OPINIONS. You can want a certain look for your flowers or your linens or a certain food or whatever. Yes, you should relax and realize that we probalbly won’t remember jack all afterwards, but….it is OKAY to be stressed. Seriously. It’s abig deal, and a big party, and there’s a lot of stuff involved. That is a major thing. People do this shit for a living–it is not a small task–and you should feel proud of organizing it as well as kind of stressed/tired of it (as I am).
And all of those other things are true. Your wedding is not a burden and people are adults. People want to come. They do not need you to hand-hold them through the process. They can organize trips/hotels/activities, etc., and they will go and have a good time and give you gifts. It’s okay. Your feelings are OKAY.
You’re the best. Thanks.
Don’t worry. We will get through this. In less than three months it’ll all be over and we can enjoy the afterglow.
To all wedding planners: I am with you in spirit. My wedding was 3.5 years ago, and I’m *still* grateful not to be planning anymore. Yes, to all of the above comments re: expressing opinions, being allowed to freak out or Care Too Much and ultimately having a great time.
But the best part is, then you get to be married!!!! And being stuck forever with somebody you think is the absolute best is beyond wonderful, no matter how you got there (or what your jurisdiction has to say about it). Seriously. It is the best. Even though we were co-habiting for years before marriage, something about actually being married made every night’s sleep seem 15 minutes longer and better, and still does.
(also, you probably never have to wedding plan again. Another huge plus!!!)
Also so helpful and so nice to hear. The “every night’s sleep” line made me feel very warm and fuzzy.
Answering the phone whenever is basically a super power to me. You’re incredible! What a brilliant kind friend you must be!
Congrats to all you Toasties getting married this spring! I will be raising my (possibly imaginary) champagne glass to you all. xo
From someone who got married almost 18 years ago, a little advice on wedding planning – don’t worry about the little stuff, even the big stuff will work out, and remember to stop several times on your wedding day and look around and enjoy it. After all the planning and work and stress, the actual day will fly by.
Oh, I love this idea! And now I’m actually tearing up a little because I hardly ever spend time thinking about the nice things about me yet I spend a LOT of time thinking about all the flaws that I have to work on improving. Phew.
Ok, nice things – I think one of my best qualities is that when I meet people, I am generally disposed to like them and want to know more about them until they give me a reason to dislike them (i.e. making a sexist joke or something like that). I’m smart and a good friend and a good listener. And I’m generally very open to trying new things and having new experiences. Yay me, yay us! <3 you Toast and Toasties.
I’m a rotten misanthrope who is SO GLAD that there are people like you in the world. I wouldn’t want to live on a planet of mostly-mes. Seriously. We are horrible. Thank you for being disposed to like people, and being smart and a good friend and listener.
Aw, I really appreciate that! It’s nice to know that someone out there is glad I’m existing and being myself 🙂
I was going to make my Nice Thing the fact that, while I’m often suspicious and grumpy about New People, I am pretty much incapable of disliking people once I get to know them!
We’re ships in the night, JocastaCarr. SHIPS IN THE NIGHT
*rows after you* me tooooooooooooooo
If we joined together we would form an unstoppable armada of Acceptance and Liking! (Or sheer, utter misanthropy – I guess it would depend…)
Mallory’s flowing locks in this depiction are accurate.
I also enjoy Nicole’s awesome delts and quads.
I’m fucking fun.
Perfect.
Yeah buddy!
Can you give me some fun lessons? One of my New Year’s resolutions is to have more fun, and I’m very rusty. Sigh.
Heyyyyyy people who like to get involved in the sex lives of strangers on the internet, get at me!
Last weekend, I lost my virginity to a friend while I was visiting him (and others) out of town. It was genuinely excellent! By 23, I assumed my first time would be awkward and hilarious and probably just a “get it out of the way” moment, but the whole enterprise was really fun and relaxed and no-pressure and I was completely not self-conscious, and zero regrets! (Also let me take this opportunity to say my nice thing about myself — I look awesome naked, in my own opinion!)
Now the fun part! So we’ve been friends for a few years, always been close, but most of that time he’s been dating another friend of mine (who I haven’t talked to much since their break-up six months ago). We live five hours apart; I have occasional reasons to travel there, because I went to school there, still have lots of friends and things to do there, etc, but not super regular, and he (apparently) never has any reasons to come to me. We agreed to stay friendly and in touch, and if this happens again, awesome. But, while I very much want to stay friends and not become a date-y thing, I SUPER want to sleep with him again. Like, all the time. Like I have barely been able to do anything this week I’ve been thinking about having sex with him again so much.
Long question short: is long-distance friends-with-benefits a thing? If so, am I supposed to have some sort of incredible sexual maturity to pull it off, because my recently de-flowered lady brain will just make me fall in love otherwise? Do you think it’s reasonable to ask a friend to drive less than five hours to have sex with you for an entire weekend?
Opinion away, please! I will also accept hilarious first-time stories.
If I were single and a friend who I had had good sex with before asked me to drive less than five hours to have a sex weekend, I’d be in that car so fast you wouldn’t see anything but a me-shaped cloud of dust like a cartoon.
I think it can work! If it’s the kind of long distance where you each visit occasionally what you could do is just be platonic friends via text/IM and then when he or you are in town make plans and then find an excuse to end up in his bed!
As for hilarious first time stories, this is sort of a best/worst but the first time I had intercourse (I HATE that word but also I’d had sex a ton at this point so it’s not like I was a virgin) was when I surprise discovered I had vaginismus. For those of you not in the know that’s a muscle condition that..basically makes it hard to relax your vaginal muscles and he couldn’t get it in and it felt like someone was taking a chainsaw to my ladybits. Thank god I knew what that was, but my then boyfriend didn’t (this was in high school and I don’t think he had comprehensive sex) so it was the most awkward time explaining why I was acting like I was dying. Oops?
It can be a thing! Just keep communication and honesty up there.
OK, disclousre time, my husband and I have an open relationship (due to my mental and physical health any non-curricular activities are on hiatus for now, but it’s still where we are) and I have one or two LDFWB, and they’re great.
It can be GREAT – but if you do feel yourself Having Feelings, I’d recommend cutting it off right then, at least until you feel like you have a good handle on things again. This may well not happen! But if it does, a LDR with no end-date is just a recipe for sadness.
Point 1: Yes, fuckbuddies who live 5 hours away are probably better than fuckbuddies who are closer if you’re looking to avoid romantic entanglement! Also distance makes sex grow better (as the old adage goes) etc etc.
Point 2: So glad it was good! Honestly tho part of wanting to sleep with him again all the time may just be that P-in-V sex with another person in general has arrived at your doorstep, and is like Hello! I am here. Please entertain me. So I’d advise exploring dudes in the area for a closer-in-zip-code buddy? Maybe?
This is good, good advice. Long distance fuckbuddies are better for avoiding emotional attachment than closer ones. But a long distance fuckbuddy should not prevent you from getting some closer to home.
Co-sign both of these points.
This is both really encouraging and really disheartening! Point 1 makes me happy, Point 2 significantly less so. I see the logic, I understand looking for a more local sex person would probably be great for me in the long run, but the idea of finding ANOTHER person to have sex with is just, like, GOD, why, that’s so much work.
(Apparently I’m too lazy to think about finding someone to sleep with in my own city, but not too lazy to want to drive five hours to have sex? I don’t know, my logic, it isn’t great.)
Nah, that logic makes sense. Finding someone local is potentially emotionally taxing and uncertain (but when it happens, SO AMAZINGLY REWARDING) whereas driving a long round-trip to an established partner is just inconvenient, but easy and fun.
On some level, it probably feels like all the emotional work of finding LD-partner is already done, and that finding someone local would take a lot of emotional and actual effort. But you’ll probably find there is still some emotional work and/or emotional cost associated w/ LD-partner. That’s not a bad thing! Just know it will likely happen and you won’t get blindsided by it.
Phew, okay, glad I’m not COMPLETELY crazy. I think you hit the nail on the head. Guess it’s just going to take some work to get to that point where the larger emotional risk seems worth it? De foof.
Or enjoy what you have! Or both!
It’s great that this went so well and pleasurably for you, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. Just be honest with yourself about what you want, what you don’t want, and why.
If I could give one piece of advice* to younger me, it would be this: don’t try to make a connection of one kind into another. A FWB isn’t a partner, a partner isn’t a fling, a fling isn’t a close friend.
Any of these connections can transform to something else, but kidding yourself about what they are right now is like trying to stay sober by drinking wine and calling it “juice,” or trying to get a buzz on by calling juice “wine.” It won’t work, it won’t be satisfying, and it will be confusing for you and others.
*edited to add: No, that’s wrong. If I had one piece of advice to give to younger me, it would be “Only date people you really like and who really like you; only date people who are kind to you and to whom you can be kind.” But this is a close second.
Yeah, I was going to suggest maybe Doing It with a more local person as well!
Also: WOOO chnellociraptor!!
Yay for a good first time!
1. Long-distance friends-with-benefits is totally a thing. Some people have friends they have sex with whenever they happen to be in the same city for years.
2. Incredible sexual maturity is not necessary, though a certain awareness of your emotions helps. If you start feeling like you are falling for him and are going to be sad he’s not prepared to provide the things you want [assuming that’s the case], you can always cut it off. It might hurt, but that doesn’t mean the whole thing wasn’t worthwhile. It also doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends, as long as you don’t start lashing out if you get sad. But, also, being recently de-flowered does not mean you will not be able to tell the difference between “I’m feeling really happy about those orgasms you just gave me” and “I am in love with you”.
3.You can always ask! “Hey, I don’t want this to become a romantic thing or anything, but how would you like to come down this weekend to have sex and get pizza?”
That is exactly the weekend I want omg.
OH YES that sounds like such a good weekend.
I have had a long-distance friends-with-benefits thing and it was wonderful while it lasted. (Eventually he entered into A Relationship and I have exactly zero hard feelings.) But the key is that he was a disaster of a human being who I had no interest in being in a relationship with, so developing loving feelings wasn’t an issue. If you think that might be an issue for you, it probably will be an issue for you. HORMONES ARE WHACK, YO.
I apologize for using the word WHACK in that context. In exchange, I will offer you this: I lost my virginity while watching Rocky and Bullwinkle.
That is sooooo much better than my prom night cliche.
My first PIV time was at age 21 (two and a half weeks before my 22nd birthday) and was with my roommate’s boyfriend’s friend, with whom I had gone on one date the week prior. My roommate’s boyfriend was visiting and insisted I call the guy at 11:30 pm on a Sunday night to drive an hour to my apartment for sexytimes. As awkward as it seemed, I have no regrets.
My first roommate at college totally had this going with a high school friend. They hooked up every time they were home over break. Being on top of your respective emotions and communicating is key.
Agreed. Being on top of your emotions means, for me, being 90% sure I don’t want to be in a relationship with the other person, and knowing that he feels the same. FWB can TOTALLY work, but you do have to know how you feel & be honest about it.
I think it can work! I also think we navigate through love-and-sex things with a bit of trial and error. If you think you can handle the risk of some hurt, I wouldn’t worry too much. If you can’t, which is totally possible, then tread more carefully.
And always remember: 1) you and your feelings are valid and important; and 2) him and his feelings are valid and important!
Go forth and bone!
That could never work for me, but you do you, girl!
During my first time at the age of 18, my parents called me on the phone while we were trying to get it in.
Almost two years since diagnosis and three years since its onset, I have finally reached a place where I feel like I can live a meaningful, satisfying life *and* have depression. I know this news only concerns me and those close to me, but I hope that it helps to melt a bit of your ice-cold souls!
That is really fantastic to hear, thank you for sharing it.
This is really encouraging and inspiring. I’ve had a rough week mental-health wise and am having a hard time admitting that I’m no longer in the good place I thought I was. But that’s okay! Congratulations on your meaningful, satisfying life 😀
That’s awesome. Four for you!
Thanks everyone! You are all very sweet. bluebluebaby, I hope things change in the way that you want them to.
This is something I still struggle with sometimes, ten years after diagnosis, so: HUGE THUMBS UP TO YOU. <3
Yeah I am predicting it will be a lot of work to maintain this state of mind and I expect it will slip away from me from time to time, but it’s such a relief to know that it is possible. Props to you for keeping up the struggle though! I know how tempting it is to not struggle and just give up hope instead.
No, it is so good. It’s so hard to get to that place. I don’t really know you, but I’m proud all the same, because I know how hard it can be.
That’s so great to hear! Good work, you.
So I just finished Americanah, and it was as wonderful as everyone said, and I went back to re-read Mallory’s review of it (as you do), where I saw she promised us an article about DUCKIE and I’m here to say I ain’t gonna let her forget it.
“Blaine? B-LAINE?”
My nice thing is that I’m embracing my natural curly hair and letting it just be wild and free and trying to never suppress it or make excuses for it again. I know that’s a superficial thing, but I’ve been down on my appearance lately for various reasons and it feels good to (try and) embrace something that’s just naturally a part of me.
Fuck yes, bb! Embracing one’s curls is liberating. I haven’t brushed my hair in months and it looks SO GOOD. And I don’t even have especially curly hair! Just serious waves and length. GO YOU! (pssst, pics of your glorious hair if you’re brave?)
Oh man, I am really trying to embrace my wonky, “free-spirited” curls, so I will try to be inspired by you going forward. I actually wore my hair down once this week! For almost a whole work day!
Thanks, lovely people – you get me! To some it may sound like a trivial accomplishment to wear your hair down for a day, but it is hard to get around the feeling that it’s too big / frizzy / poofy / unprofessional / what-have-you. Thankfully there are a couple of ladies near my work who wear their to-mid-back, gloriously big curly hair down like it’s no big deal – they’ve definitely inspired me.
YAY curly hair! Though mine is in dire need of a haircut that I can’t afford at the moment, so gaaah curly hair.
GOOD FOR YOU. I am constantly in an internal battle with my curly hair. I am trying to embrace it, as well. I just try to think about how lush and wonderful it is, instead of how much I look like a crazy plant.
YAY CURLY HAIR! I stopped straightening mine about three months ago, after years of trying to blend in with straight-haired folks. I still have moments where I look in the mirror in the middle of the day and think “OH NO” and I also think I need to go to a curly-hair specialist to actually tell me what products/methods I should actually be using because I still have no idea.
By the way, I completely attribute my hair renaissance to Rosa on “Brooklyn 99,” who proved that you can have curly hair and be a badass, not just the kind of prissy, high-maintenance characters with curls I was used to seeing!
I know, right? The trend was sleek and straight for sooo long…and straightening my hair takes two hours…not fun, not fun.
My recent TV hair-spiration was Ayla Sayaad, the new reporter on House of Cards – see here. Gorge!
YES!! She’s so wonderful! I just watched that episode last night and was revitalized in my hair quest. BRB setting up an altar to my curly-haired goddesses.
I put the boyfriend on a train back home today after a lovely week, and no idea when I’ll see him again, so I am fairly bad tempered and sad today.
Good things? I am a bloody good horsewoman. It wasn’t something that camse easily to me, I was never talented at it, so I’ve acheived it by sheer hard work, which I am really properly proud of.
That is a wicked sweet accomplishment. Good for you!
Loving everyone’s things about themselves. Great morning.
Oh boo I know the “putting bf on a train back home” feeling and have definitely been the dramatic girl at the airport sitting on a mans lap while crying and refusing to get on the plane until they’re about to close the doors. Don’t feel embarrassed about it though, bc your emotions are valid and you’re allowed to feel them and sometimes the world just has to deal w your attitude.
One thing that I am really enjoying about myself is that for the past 6 weeks or so I have begun exercising with determined regularity….and I have loved it. This is changing something fundamental I always believed about myself (“I am unathletic”), and it makes me feel like the world is opening up as I wonder what else about myself I take for granted that can be challenged, that can be changed.
I started running about three years ago, and I felt the same way. I’ve always said to myself that I was awful at sports and could never do anything athletic. And I still do have really godawful hand-eye coordination, but now I consistently run and do Zumba and yoga and Pilates and push-ups and you really put it so well, it feels like the world is opening up. How else are we limiting ourselves by what we’ve always assumed? I feel for you and I am so glad for you.
Go, you! I’m the out-of-shape, non-athletic kid who didn’t discover she loved weightlifting until she was 43. Yes Yes Yes on feeling like the world is opening up. Changes! Challenges! YES!
That is awesome. Go you!
Thanks everyone!! I loved the stories of your personal journeys.
One of my favorite things about taking up regular exercise is that it’s possible to achieve personal bests, like, every day. There’s nothing like musing on thoughts like “that is the fastest my body has ever moved in my entire life” to make you feel like a mega-stud.
This is such a lovely way to put it. I recently began exercising more seriously, mostly because my mother joined the local YMCA and decided it was such a nice facility that she had to get me to join her. She’s paying for my membership and, well, I wouldn’t want to waste her money. And I’m starting to see glimpses of that shift in mindset too and it’s really startling. I’ve been fat for my entire life and I had just assumed that I would never find anything athletic that I really liked to do (even though dancing is one of my favorite things, it just Didn’t Count). I’m pretty sure I’ll always be fat, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy bouncing around.
It’s funny, the assumptions we have about ourselves.
I am going to be a father in June! And the book I am writing is almost done! And I made Thai Green Curry last night and it was good! AND IT IS WARM (39 DEGREES) IN CHICAGO TODAY.
June is a good month to be born! Congratulations!
Thanks! We are very excited, and also terrified, and also trying to enjoy these last few months before we are perpetually covered in baby vomit.
Yes! Awesome birth-timing! (bitter mother of dead-of-winter babies here) You’re all over this makin’ stuff thing: people, books, curries… 😉
Ha! Hopefully the book and the person turn out as well as the curry… well, but less green and smelling of fish sauce…
Wooooo! Congrats!!
Thank you!
I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS
Thank you!
Now is the time to buy your subscription to DAD Magazine! Congratulations!
Positive thing: Getting a bunch of articles accepted to the Toast makes me feel like much more of a “real” writer than my 200-page Master’s thesis ever did. I can’t believe what an awesome feeling it is.
I CANNOT WAIT to read them!
I like reading your comments so much that I am VERY excited about reading your full pieces!
What a lovely compliment, thank you!
I had a piece run back in December and I am PSYCHED FOR MORE! Best, most amazing charge ever.
I undoubtedly read it! Which piece was it (if you don’t mind saying)?
http://the-toast.net/2013/12/06/on-the-96th-anniv…
Ooh that piece was great!
That’s one of my favorite pieces I’ve read on the Toast.
I wanted to say that I thought that article was MIND-BLOWING.. is that apropos or tasteless? ^^;
A+ would lol again!
Thank you all!
Oh, that was such an awesome piece! I’m so excited to see more.
I too really enjoyed that piece! Excited for more!
YES I can’t wait!
YES! Excited to read!!
WAIT, I know who you are now!!! That’s so great!
GUYS I’M FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nicole knows me!!!
Something nice about me? hm. I’m content! for the first time in probably my whole life, I can honestly say that I’m consistently content. It’s a mixture of good psychotherapy, good relationships with my mom and sister, and an excellent husband (who I’ve had to learn to healthily stand up to in the last year, which has made me more content).
To add to the contentment: we are starting to watch Twin Peaks tonight!!! I’ve only ever watched twin peaks until the third season or so, and he’s never seen it. We have a weekly date night on Fridays, usually consisting of our pizza-red wine-fort building in our underpants-movie watching good times, and I feel like Twin Peaks may take it to new heights – hooray!
[ETA: if being content isn’t really a “nice” thing, then I can definitely say I’m intelligent, like 4.0 gpa through nursing school, achieving a mentorship with the director of the nursing program type of intelligent, all while working a full-time job. I honestly didn’t believe this about myself until recently]
Content is definitely a nice thing. It’s a thing that you have to work hard on, and more valuable than most realize.
This is so great that I tried to like it twice and was informed I could not do that.
I moved all of my things in 2 days! And the best part is, I didn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting! I just had to direct a few burly men who had volunteered for the privilege! I got all my books unpacked! Everything else is still in boxes and bags, but I have books!
(on the downside, no new job. potential boss could not get approval from his bosses. But he’s keeping my info as the first one to call if things change, so there’s that?)
ARMY OF MOVING MEN YES
I have a very nice phone voice. And I am also very nice to animals and children. And I am proud of myself for achieving the goal I set last summer of having a new job by December 2013. I am a much happier person now!
My thing today is I’m going to the airport straight from work. Even though I’m leaving at 4:30 and my flight’s not till 7:55 and I should arrive at the airport no later than 5:56 pm, I am still somewhat anxious about missing my flight. I’m sure it will be fine, and soon I will be in Boston, the land of proper doughnuteries.
Safe travels!
Re donuts: Dude, if you are around Somerville at all, you need to go to Union Square Donuts. They are the best! (And also down the street from my apartment, woohoo.)
OH MY GODDDDD UNION SQUARE DONUTS. Why am I not eating one right now.
I know, right? I have to sit at this dumb desk and do this dumb work when I could be eating a donut instead.
But, positivity: I can get one tomorrow, yay!
Why have I never been to Union Square Donuts??
Must remedy.
Hello The Toast, here is photographic proof that the Minneapolis meetup took place! I’m the one on the right.
*dies of jealousy*
So great!
Also, I think we need to start a Toastie eyeglasses thread.
Yes. Yes, we do.
I picture all Toasties as either Daria or Jane until proven otherwise. (And pictures rarely prove otherwise!)
I am a good friend, and as I get older, I feel that I’ve done a great job of surrounding myself with great people who I love and who love me.
I went on a date last Friday that went pretty well! I had to cut it short because I had to go to NJ to visit my family, but we’ll hopefully be going out next week. I held a baby (my cousin’s) for the first time ever and I didn’t drop it!
Tonight I’m going to see the Avett Brothers. Any other NYC Toasties going to Barclay tonight?
Oh, I also have to get my cavities filled in a couple hours, which is not so great.
But then they will be DONE, which is so great.
Ahh I have been singing them all week. Something about me forcing spring into the Midwest.
Also props to you for being a good friend and working on it and cultivating. Shit ain’t easy.
I am currently rewatching Gilmore Girls and I just got to the part where Rory steals the boat (oh RORY) but everyone!! She explicitly says before doing it that she just needs to take to the sea. This throws my whole analysis of late-seasons Gilmore Girls into turmoil. I need an official Toast stance on Rory Gilmore taking to the sea.
I second the motion.
My stance is that if Rory actually did take to the sea and never, ever, ever spoke to Logan again, it would have been a much better show.
Agreed. I am open to clarification but I always though of The Toast’s ‘taking to the sea’ advice as a solitary pursuit. No hairgelled rich boys allowed.
Maybe if Rory had taken to the sea with Paris, or even Lane.
I don’t know that I ever had a problem with Rory stealing the boat and taking to the sea so much as I had a problem with Rory doing it with Logan Goddamn Huntzberger, most-loathed-tv-boyfriend-in-all-of-history.
True, this reminds me that I didn’t care about the boat as much as I cared about the subsequent Dropping Out of Yale precipated by Huntzberger-caused feelings of inadequacy. Oh I have so many feelings about the many failures of S6.
All her boyfriends were awful, tbh.
I…yeah. I can’t argue with that. The closest I can get is to say that at least Dean and Jess were awful in a typical way? Like, boyfriend rites-of-passage, if you will. You will fall for a Dean, then a Jess to counteract the Dean…
This is true, except when Dean comes back and then cheats on his wife with Rory. Whyyyyyyyy DEAN WHYYYYY
There are a LOT of things wrong with that plot line but one of the biggest problems I had with it is that it retroactively ruins Dean for me. I didn’t love him – like, I never wanted him and Rory to be together forever, but he did great as Baby’s First Boyfriend. Cute, sweet, a little bland – just what you want for a 15-year old’s first attempt at romance. But after the cheating? BAH. All goodwill for him is gone.
Ugh. The only point at which a boyfriend was non-terrible was when she met up with Jeff again and he was all grown up with a bookstore. And by that point, he was such a distant ex.
Something nice about myself: I am very tall and can protect my small friends
EDIT: Also just gotta say being absurdly tall (alllmost 6′) is awesome for the first time ever in my life. Yay me, and other gigundo ladies.
Small friends appreciate this about tall friends.
You are welcome, small friend.
JELIS.
My dad is 6’1″. My mom was 5’10” before osteoporosis set in. I’m *almost* 5’7″ on my best day. Honestly, I’ve been A LEETLE bitter about my height since 9th grade, when it became obvious I wasn’t going to get any taller.
Oh man, grass greener tho. For the first 90% of my life I would have PAID to be 5’7″. (although that’s pretty tall on the grand scheme of things!)
I feel this way about my muscles and my less hefty friends. It’s a nice feeling.
Thank you, Tall Friends of the World, for always giving me something to grab when the bus lurches and I can’t reach the hand bar, and for getting things off high shelves for me!
OH GOD BEING TALL RULES. It used to be that every single time I stepped into a grocery store, someone asked me to get something off the top shelf for them. I miss that, which I never expected.
I lost ~1.5 inches in height after an accident (yeah, I don’t know either, maybe it got plumb knocked offa me), leaving me just over 5’9″. I miss that extra inch-and-some a surprising amount! Especially in our kitchen, where taller me put all those bottles and jars on top of the cabinets but shorter me cannnnn’t quiiiiiiite reach ’em.
I’m so happy to know tall people aren’t secretly annoyed when you ask them to reach things for you in the grocery store. Thanks tall folks! (I’ll reach something that rolls under the table for you, if you need it…)
Our wedding vows actually included a line about my husband reaching for the high things and me reaching for the low things (he has 10″ on me and the worst balance in a squatting position I’ve ever seen, so it’s a good trade).
Being tall is great! You can see over crowds to find the friend you’re looking for and you can reach things on the top shelves!
As a 5′-er, we may never see eye-to-eye on everything, but I’m very glad you’re loving your height.
GOTCHA
http://instantrimshot.com/
I had to:)
I’m 5’11 and still working on thinking it’s awesome and I am very proud of you.
IT IS AWESOME LOOK AT HOW AWESOME YOU ARE.
Yeeeeee I’m 5’11”! In a pants emergency I recently bought “regular” pants instead of “long” or even better “tall.” They are SIX INCHES TOO SHORT FOR ME.
I went through a stage as a teenager when I bought regular pants and called them “capris.” Ahahahaha, gangling teenaged me, you are fooling nobody.
Tall friends are the greatest, even when they laugh if I ask them to get stuff off the high shelf for me.
(5’4″ here, if I measure generously)
I was 5’8″ by fourth grade; I towered over most of my classmates. My mother, who had been ashamed of her height as a girl and young woman, really drilled into me the idea that my height was beautiful, that I should stand up straight and tall, that I should ignore people who made fun of my height, that I should wear heels if I wanted.
I did always wonder what it was like to be shorter, smaller, more delicate; I still do. In childhood and adolescence, I seethed with envy for my best friend’s slim, small frame and dainty hands. Even today, I look at my friend who’s barely-five-foot, with tiny hands like bird’s bones and tiny little beautiful feet, and think “What would that feel like?”
But I am what and who I am, and I try to luxuriate in what I cannot change.
oh, man. I would trade it for not being mistaken for 5-15 years younger than my actual age, being treated like a child by a certain generation of sexist men, having people credit me with a little more authority when I speak, etc. The grass, greener it is! etc.
p.s. you can invert all the things I wrote above into positive compliments for tall ladies like you! as you should – I kinda wish I had written it that way. 🙂
I have recently begun reading romance books, and a lot of them are very good! It is the next phase on my personal goal to read books of more kinds, because I do love my SFF and YA, but there are good books in other genres out there! (phase one was contemporary and realist YA, because I thought it was my least favourite genre of book ever. Not true, it turns out!). Phase three I think will be literary fiction, because why not. Also, then I can read The Morning News Tournament of Books and enjoy it not just because I like reading intelligent book criticism, but also because I will have read the books.
My chief skill these days seems to be entertaining my closest friends with great internet links posted on Facebook. I am also good at writing in formal academic speak, an essential skill for a grad student!
Wow, all those exclamation marks make me sound chipper.
Any romance book recs? I recently read a bunch of Sarah MacLean because I can’t resist books with horribly amazing puns in the titles (“No Good Duke Goes Unpunished,” “One Good Earl Deserves a Lover”), and I’ve really enjoyed them.
If you’re into historicals, I probably do! I have somehow not read any Sarah MacLean, although she’s totally on my to-read list. Kate Noble’s Blue Raven series is quite good, and I love some of Eloisa James’s Desperate Duchesses and Essex Sisters series because they’re just so adorably fun and I’m a sucker for books where the heroine has close, supportive relationships with other wonderful women.
All of those are generally mroe fun romps more than the angst-fests, but if you’re looking for a darker book Courney Milan’s Brothers Sinister series is probably my favourite romance series and does a good job of having characters with dark pasts that are more than the standard “angsty/angry hero”
Thank you thank you! These all sound perfect. I love historical romances AND close, supportive relationships with other ladies. And I’ve read one Courtney Milan book (Unveiled), and I was just shocked at how often I would start grinning wildly in public places from how much I enjoyed it. So I will definitely check out her Brothers Sinister books.
Definitely check out Smart Bitches, Trashy Books if you haven’t already- they do reviews, recommendations, sales round ups, and a hilarious podcast. Worth it for the F- reviews and the making-fun-of romance novel covers if nothing else.
I just slammed through the entire Parasol Protectorate series, which were steampunky and terribly silly and really really fun. Lord and Lady Spy by Shana Galen is also good times.
I recently read and liked Scandal by Carolyn Jewel. I also really loved The Governess Affair by Courtney Milan, which is the novella prequel to the brothers sinister series. With historicals, I find I prefer novellas because sometimes the characters are waaaaaayyy to committed to their personal reasons for why they can’t be with their love interest (this happens a little bit with Scandal).
Recently I’ve forayed into Sci-Fi romance. I read Ghost Planet by Sharon Lynn Fisher and Song of Scarabaeus (and its sequel) by Sara Creasy. All three were good, although not crazy-awesome. I would recommend them though, if you think you’d like Sci-Fi romance.
Are you following the ToB so far this year? Do you read the comments? I am still trying to decide how I feel about the “she clearly just didn’t finish the book” reaction to Rachel Fershleisher’s decision yesterday. Particularly as it followed the “she called herself a silly Internet girl, so I’m going to call her that too” kind of rhetoric.
I was not entirely comfortable with that line of commentary. I mean, I have not read either book so I can’t judge for myself whether it sounds like she read the book as well, but yeah. I have, in past years, been a little peeved at the comments about some books; some of the commenters tend a little to far toward elitist, the-judge-had-a-different-opinion-than-me-so-they’re-an-idiot opinions for my taste. But I do love the actual judgements and commentaries on the matches!
I haven’t read the books, either. (I think the only one I’ve read this year is The Goldfinch.) There have certainly been some judges in the past who I didn’t think (or who admitted they hadn’t) read all of both books, but it always raises my hackles when it’s young women we’re questioning for Not Getting Things. But I’m ALSO frustrated that she started with a big caveat about how insecure she was about the whole thing, because young women on the Internet need to stop undermining themselves.
Either way, I’m excited for the rest of the month and the judgy judging! I just need to stop reading the comments…
I am not currently actively causing harm to any other person that I am aware of.
Also I am funny, a good listener, imaginative, and I have cute hair.
(Despite all this I am currently sitting at my desk at work expending15% of my effort on Looking Busy and 85% of my effort on Not Crying.)
I’m sorry to hear that. Can we help?
I really like all your ‘things you like about yourself’. Imaginative is a great one.
Well The Toast’s general existence always helps, at least. 🙂
Why are you Not Crying? I know, I’m not helping with the Not Crying, asking about it while you sit at your desk. But I want you to know this internet stranger cares.
I’m just stuck and none of my efforts to un-stick myself seem to be doing any good., because any hope of something improving requires some external party cutting me a break, which is a rare occurrence.
But thank you.
This weekend, please do something for me: do something indulgent for yourself. Go somewhere that makes you happy (art museum?), buy yourself a small gift (lipstick? scarf? book?), get a really good meal (lasagna & red wine!). Then consider replying here to tell me what you did.
You deserve the best. You can give yourself a few minutes of a little extra care this weekend. I promise it will help.
Aye aye, madam. :salutes:
Nice things I did for myself this weekend:
– Got Thai food
-Bought Janelle Monae’s “Electric Lady” album
– ate whatever chocolate I felt like eating. 🙂
Janie, I am grinning. I don’t smile often, but you made me grin. Good job taking care of yourself! I hope you are feeling better and I will keep you in my thoughts. I will think of you blissing out to Janelle Monae while enjoying chocolates after a lovely Thai meal.
Just making the efforts, even if they’re hampered by external factors, is doing something. At the very least, you’ve identified what you really want, which is HUGE. You can be proud of that.
I’m sorry to hear this. I agree with Elsa is Emily — the fact that you know what you want and you’re doing your damnedest to get there is a HUGE part of it. Sooner or later someone will cut you that break and all that hard work will pay off. You’re doing great.
Hi, are you me?
We will get through this, somehow. We will! We have to.
I am you and you are me and we are both ginkgotree and we will all manage to get through this. Yes.
I see a team forming here, and won’t rest until I’ve joined. Same issues abound chez moi, and I’ve been daring myself to be as indulgent and kind as possible, since self-flagellation on the nearest scaffold isn’t helping. Virtual spa weekend for everyone here, whatever that looks like to you. It’s going to get better.
I am a smart, strong, sensual woman.
I’m no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.
That’s my favorite comment. It should be a mantra…or an unintentional incantation. I know it’s not an attempt to seduce, that’s what makes it so seductive.
So all of the recent Harry Potter posts have made me miss my old fandom days. But I feel so out of the loop I don’t know where to start up again. I’m scared of Tumblr. So, where’s a girl to go for some good post-Deathly Hallows fic? Any recs? I don’t have 8 hours a day to read crap like a did in college. I mean, I once read a novel length Pirates of the Caribbean fic about Jack and Norrington turning into mermen and mating like seahorses. It was terrible/awesome, but I just want to get straight to the good stuff now.
Also…ummm, something nice about myself? I’m a really good baker and ice cream maker. Like, I’ve had marriage proposals. From people I’m not dating.
Tumblr is not that scary! I love it! I don’t read much in the HP fandom, sorry. My favorite isn’t post-DH, but maybe you’d like it if you haven’t read it? Transfigurations, by Resonant? She wrote it after Book 5, but it takes place after the Battle of Hogwarts, so she had to do a lot of conjecture. Still surprisingly accurate to the books in spite of that (even the ones that weren’t yet written) and TBH, a more fulfilling summation than canon IMO.
YES HELLO, I just idly clicked on this link and got sucked into several delightful hours of reading. I’m a huge sucker for writing that feels like the actual books and resolves them in a better way (grumbles about the canon ending blah blah blah inadequate blah unbelievable blah). So thank you for that!!
Yay! I’m happy you liked it. It’s SUCH a good fic.
It’s SO GOOD! I haven’t read HP fic in so long and getting sucked back into it was so much fun and really satisfying. *gushes*
Not Harry Potter, but I like the Yuletide rare fandoms fanfic exchange. There are some great stories in a variety of unusual fandoms, such as Old Spice commercials, a Narnia/Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations crossover, Settlers of Catan, etc. http://archiveofourown.org/collections/yuletide/f…
I haven’t explored further, but Archive of Our Own, which hosts the collection, is a large repository of fanfic in general.
My really crappy day yesterday turned into an awesome day when my partner was able to move in early. Also, will henceforth be referring to him as ‘partner’ as opposed to ‘boyfriend’ from now on, as it suits our relationship better.
*Apologies for the goo, but I’m just really excited/happy/nervous/exhilarated/content/smiley.
😀
Never apologize for being excited/happy/nervous/exhilarated/content/smiley.
Aw! Congratulations! I like “partner,” too.
I’ve been moving toward “partner” as well… it seems to capture how it feels like he and I are moving through life together and helping each other out.
That’s exactly it!
YEAH JEEZ STOP BEING SO HAPPY AT US
(never stop that, it’s great ALSO adorable)
Aw, thanks. I had to wade (drown->swim->wade) through a lot of shit to get to this place.
That picture is utterly delightful, and I would like a print to hang devotional-style in my apartment.
A good thing about myself. Uhh…Oh geez. Animals and I get along very well, and I feel like that says something good about me. I always feel favored when a skittish dog sidles up to me and allows him/herself to be scratched.
Animals know what’s up.
More, more! More nice things about yourself. Here’s one from me: your tweets give me LIFE on a regular basis!
BERGY. <3 <3 <3
OK, good things: I am a pretty awesome baker! and I’m going to bake some black rye bread this weekend and make some tasty, tasty toast. in honor of… The Toast.
also, I am terrible at telling jokes but I genuinely think I’m hilarious anyway.
Wow that looks like it’s going to be some beautiful, tasty bread!
it’s a wonderful recipe! I made it last year to celebrate finishing Les Mis and it was heavenly. 🙂
OH YES someone who laughs at her own terrible jokes fills my heart with delight.
I dripped nutella all down the front of my shirt during Employee Appreciation Crepe Breakfast. I consider this to be a positive attribute for the following three reasons:
1.) I have good humor. I think it is awesome and hilarious and am not embarrassed or ashamed in any way.
2.) I bring joy to the people around me. While I have covered the evidence with an adorable cardigan, that has not stopped me from removing the cardigan multiple times to show anyone and every one.
3.) I now have a private stockpile of easily accessible nutella. Does EVERYONE wish they had a private stockpile of easily accessible nutella???
Holy shit, can we have Toastie Appreciation Crepe Breakfast??!
Or just crepes for me now.
Something good about me is that I’m efficient. If you asked my friends and colleagues to describe me in one word, I’m reasonably sure they would say that word, and that makes me happy. Want me to help project manage anything or win a game of Pandemic?
I’m banned from Pandemic because I will take that shit over. I have lots of good qualities but sharing is not one of them.
God come project manage me off of The Toast and back to work. PLEASE.
Ahhh this is the best, most perfect and cutest.
I like to sing Beyoncé songs in my own Australian accent. They sound hilarious (to me). I think this is a good thing.
Come on Icebergmama, you’ve got more going on than that. Let’s hear some self-positivity.
But everyone already knows I’m super hot and have the cutest kids in the world! 😉
There it is.
If we’re going to talk about how awesome Icebergmama is, she is absolutely the best to have following you on twitter, favoriting all your tweets and complimenting all your selfies and, obviously, endlessly entertaining bergy bits stories.
I can compliment Bergie all day. She is sweet and kind and funny as shit, in addition to being STUNNING and a beautiful sunflower.
I can compliment lovely, kind, badass Bergie all day too. And I’d really like some video of those Aussie-style Beyonce covers. (hint, hint)
I’m reliable, and I’m great at coordinating plans and such. And I’m super proud of the things that I can do with my body, like biking and climbing.
This is a great thought to have! I love thinking about how cool it is that my body can bend and move and be strong and take me places.
Over the last few months I’ve made a conscious effort to go out and do stuff on my own. I’ve been going to concerts by myself when others are not willing to come with me and I’m really happy with myself for that!
Also, I love cooking, think I’m a good cook, and am committing myself to starting a food blog! I know the internet is inundated with food bloggers already, but I want to chronicle my attempts to master my grandmother’s recipes and I figure a public blog will help me stick to it.
Happy Friday, y’all.
Have you started the food blog? I think that sounds really interesting and I’d love the link if you’re willing to share! Both my grandmothers were terrible cooks and I’m envious of that familial connection with cooking.
Not yet! I have a site set up but will post this weekend and update here. Thanks for the encouragement!
Let us know! My whole day is trying to find more stuff about food to read! Right now I cycle between Serious Eats, I Live in a Frying Pan, Smitten Kitchen, Budget Bytes, Kathy YL Chan, and Four Pounds Flour (thanks to Jaya’s article). I would love to read your blog!
Will do! You should also check out Table Matters, it’s one of my favorites! (and Smitten Kitchen, omg)
Simply Recipes is decent. I used to like 101 cookbooks because like, omg, that bittersweet chocolate tart but I don’t really like her anymore.
Doing things on your own is awesome and is something that I think everyone should learn to do. Actually, right now I’m getting back into doing things with other people after about a year of not having many people to do things with, and I sort of miss it. Can I just eat at a restaurant in peace without having to make eye contact with others, please?
Yeah, I’m finally comfortable with having both I think. And, like, understanding that there’s always an option to do stuff by yourself.
Post the feed link when you get it up and running, I’ll follow!
NGL, I am awesome. Today marks the first week down of the 300 Kettlebell Swings Challenge I’m doing, and so far I feel like a fucking rockstar. A tired rockstar with some wobbly legs by the end of the day, but a rockstar nonetheless! RAWR. Go, me.
Also, I spoke publicly about my 30-year eating disorder this week and I DID NOT DIE from doing so. Nor did the earth swallow me in shame. Small victories, y’all.
more like HUGE victories! You rock!
Aw, thanks so much!
Toasties, I started reading Elizabeth Gaskell’s Cranford this week and couldn’t wait to share, because it starts off in some sort of misandrist utopia.
“In the first place, Cranford is in possession of the Amazons; all the holders of houses above a certain rent are women. If a married couple come to settle in the town, somehow the gentleman disappears; he is either fairly frightened to death by being the only man in the Cranford evening parties, or he is accounted for by being with his regiment, his ship, or closely engaged in business all the week in the great neighbouring commercial town of Drumble, distant only twenty miles on a railroad. In short, whatever does become of the gentlemen, they are not at Cranford. What could they do if they were there?”
It’s at Project Gutenberg if you want it. Re-reading Middlemarch has given me an appetite for 19th century ladyfiction, most of which is free online, and much of which has been adapted for the BBC, so it’s a pretty good bender to be on.
Man, isn’t that book SO GOOD? I love Elizabeth Gaskell.
ETA: and yes, I would move to Cranford in a heartbeat, if I could.
I love Cranford! It’s just one of those very relaxing books–mild-mannered and atmospheric. Happy reading to you!
Also, and only if you are interested, there is a deLIGHTful BBC adaptation just chock full of stars – Judy Dench! Greg Wise! Jim Carter! Michael Gambon! Francesca Annis! The list goes on and on. Recommend. Have watched many times, will watch again!
Am into it!
Elizabeth Gaskell is amazing on so many level. And the BBC has done so many great adaptions of her works. Cranford is wonderfully done. And there’s North and South. Watch and read North and South.
Watching and reading North and South is what got me onto this kick! Like a shark, I have to keep moving, otherwise I’ll just watch and re-watch the last fifteen minutes of North and South all weekend. The way John Thorton’s voice gets all soft. How he holds that flower.
Yeah … I spent far too much of yesterday evening indulging my John Thorton obsession. Last 15 minutes — so melty .. so wonderful .
Have you read/watched Wives and Daughters? The novel was unfinished, but the BBC adaption did put a lovely ending to it.
I am very good at being a thief in Elder Scrolls games.
Also – thanks to everyone who gave me a pep talk last week before my 24-hour playfest! I won 2nd place for writing, and my team also won Best Director and Best Actress! We cleaned up! It was so much fun.
Congratulations!
AWESOME!
I am not good at elder scrolls thievery at all, so well done.
Nicole’s footprints look like pizza slices, and I make good pizza.
Wait, are her feet supposed to be pointing backwards like a witch?
She’s a Pizza Witch! The best and most powerful of all kinds. How else do you think yeast works?
Magick.
This comment just shook loose an ancient childhood memory of a restaurant that used to make kid’s menu pizzas in the shape of troll feet. So, someone out there is also making pizza that look like feet.
I started my new job this week! The people are pretty nice although I am still having anxieties about asking questions. I need to ask sooner! It seems pretty decent all around and I’m less nervous than I was!
Um, nice things about me? I’m a very good cook and a very good baker. Also I can write code for you!
Yay new job with nice people! Knowing when to ask questions at a new job is rough. I’ve been doing that “I can’t figure this out am I supposed to be able to figure this out on my own if I ask someone will they think I’m dumb” dance a lot these past few weeks, too. I keep reminding myself that if you ask someone a question, they’ll tell you the answer and forget that you ever asked about thirty seconds after you stop talking to them, so it’s really not as big a deal as I think it is.
These things impress me beyond BEYOND, because I am a terrible cook and understand VERY VERY little about writing code.
Remember that people usually /like/ being asked questions. It validates them, and you show that you are willing and able to seek knowledge. Never be ashamed of ignorance – intellectual laziness is the true killer.
I asked a dude, he had some suggestions. They are mostly what I was trying to do but this is empowering also he is very nice.
Okay feeling less good about my job because I have to take out part of the fix I put in yesterday. NOT CAUSE IT DIDN’T WORK THOUGH.
Another upside of my job is that there is now another dude who has the same name as office nemesis, and he is much better.
You just started this week? Sounds like you’re doing awesome on the new job anxiety front! I usually give myself at least a month (or two or three) before I can reasonably expect to not be filled with uncertainty about routine things (like, how do I change the plotter paper? Should I know how? Where do they keep the paper? Should I ask someone for help? I should ask someone for help.)
Good thing about me: I managed to upgrade our family’s gaming PC! Added a new CPU, motherboard, and RAM yesterday under my husband’s tutelage, and it felt amazing. I pulled plugs out of the old motherboard and unscrewed everything! I applied thermal paste and successfully installed a new CPU and fan in the new motherboard and only managed to give myself three papercuts on the radiator! I screwed and plugged everything else back in and added new RAM! And then that motherfucker booted right back up! I am not a fuckup! I am a competent adult nerd! (Um, then we reinstalled Windows cuz it broke everything, but who cares!)
So hopefully now we can handle the insanely fancy looking stuff in that new Dragon Age Inquisition trailer. Omg it looks like there will be a fancy ball with fluffy dresses omg omg. And tiny fluffy fox things. And windswept forests and mists and large trolls. Er, hopefully I won’t need to replace my graphics card as well.
PUTTING TOGETHER COMPUTERS FEELS AMAZING
Seriously, I put together computers (in my school’s lab, with my professors) shortly after graduating with a computer science degree and it still felt insane empowering.
I’ve wanted to do this for forever! He was supposed to teach me when we put together the current machine (a post-thesis present), but then he forgot and just built it himself one day when I was at work. This time the education was part of the birthday present. Just getting to see all the various bits on the motherboard and figuring out what they do was rad as hell, also.
RIGHT??? It fucking rules. I taught a bit at a computer science camp for middle school girls and it was so much FUN to point at bits of hardware and chips and be like: “this does that!”
Whoa, I bet that felt amazing – because that IS amazing. Good work!
The trailer is so beautifuuuul. I bet my computer can’t run it – I’ve not upgraded in about four years. Maybe I will follow your fine example!
Man, this is the only problem of the new generation – the last consoles stayed around for so long that one didn’t have to upgrade, but now everything’s all pretty and some games take like 50 GB storage and 6GB of RAM and blaaaaaagggh. Must make sure I am ready to support all badass fancy lady mages of color at maximum purtiness.
Vivienne is going to judge me for playing on the “Low Graphics Detail” setting, isn’t she? She’ll just refuse to be in my party until I upgrade.
Do you guys engage when people are picking political fights on facebook? I don’t do a lot of facebooking and I hardly ever post anything controversial but yesterday I shared an article that I thought my coworkers would find interesting ( I work for a left-leaning nonprofit). Today I wake up to a big libertarian screed from an old college buddy! I already knew about his politics and we usually just don’t discuss those things and I’m inclined to keep doing the same and ignore it. But also, I actually work in the field in question and know more about this shit than he does (and work with a lot of people who know a lot more than I do) and it’s getting under my skin and ughh, why is social media so terrible
I’m never on facebook, so I don’t really get the opportunity, but generally I try to decide whether to engage based on who else is likely to be affected. So, like, Old College Buddy isn’t likely to change his mind, but if you feel like other people might see it and might benefit from your perspective, go for it. But if you don’t feel like dealing with it, it’s not your job to babysit the ignorant, either.
I do not engage. I also never ever post anything even remotely substantive politically because I just don’t want to deal. I figure it is the same as how I speak: I don’t ever talk politics or religion, as the saying goes, so I keep it off my social media too. I know there is something to be said for having the dialogue, but I always come away from it feeling terrible and stressed, not engaged and better informed.
I also unabashedly hide people from my feed if they post a lot of stuff that makes my blood boil. When faced with uncomfortable debates in real-life convos, I tend to change the subject or drift away, not engage in debate. So that is what I do online, too.
Generally, getting into huge Facebook rows makes me feel icky and shaky and sweaty because they are real people with terrible opinions who are online-yelling at me. However, I must say a small part of me hopes to change some minds, so every once in a while I’ll jump in with something to say. It’s a “pick your battles” kind of thing, I think!
The only “engaging” I ever do is liking comments that I agree with. And if someone brings a flame war to my wall, I delete that shit pronto. Depending on whether they’re an actual friend or not, I might also say “Let’s keep it civil – if you want to talk about this more, I’d be happy to get coffee and talk about it.”
Nothing good ever comes of political arguments on facebook, in my experience. People don’t post those screeds looking for dialogue – they are just venting.
That’s my feeling as well. Trying to engage in dialogue after someone’s posted a screed like that typically doesn’t end well – I’ve ended a friendship once when someone took it from debating the issues to some really hurtful and judgmental personal statements.
Then again, he’d (because of course this tends to be the libertarian man) said some things that I was personally uncomfortable letting stay out in “my space” unchallenged, so I don’t regret engaging and it turns out he wasn’t the type of person I wanted to be friends with anyways. It definitely comes down to picking your battles and deciding what’s most important to you, though.
Context is why I hate FB. I only signed up because it’s my only recourse for contact with some of my extended family. FB flattens context. Everything you communicate is available to everyone you’re linked to and then to everyone they’re linked to, etc. I speak differently with fundamentalist/fearful Xian family than I do with open-minded friends. My truth is the same to both cohorts, but the vocabulary differs so that each can hear me. Result: my FB communication is stilted and severely limited. Anyone else see it this way? See it differently? Advice for me? I’m open.
“FB flattens context” is an incredibly insightful and concise way of putting that. Thanks for stating that so clearly and perfectly. I will be yoinking that phrase shamelessly: YOINK.
Noooo, I hate that! So much. If I were in your shoes, I would delete the comments, no joke. My mom not too long ago posted that Obama’s helicopter flew over her house (which is a statement of fact!), and some stupid family friend commented, “Good riddance.” It made me SOOOO mad.
Yeah, I want to delete the comment because it’s just like, hanging out on my internet space being obnoxious, but I don’t know if that’s seen as shady or cowardly or something.
Delete then unfriend.
Before worrying about how it’s seen, worry about how you feel about it. Personally, I don’t think it’s shady or cowardly. You’re not obliged to interact with anyone in any way that you don’t want to. But if you’re uncomfortable with deleting it, that’s okay too.
I think that’s a really good way to look at it, and I totally agree. If it makes you think any differently about deleting, it’s probably only you and that guy who will notice what happens with that comment. I wouldn’t worry about what the general Facebook audience is going to think, if you’re worried about what people other than your old college buddy with think.
I engage all the time!!!! It… mostly works out? I did have to leave a facebook group full of libertarians after I was on edge all the time from fighting them, but I think that you could maybe try leaving ONE comment that’s well researched and demonstrates that you know what you’re talking about, and then see what happens.
I think it’s also worth noting that the worst cost, either way, is going to be to your own emotional health (and maybe secondarily to your relationship with this person if you care about them). Are YOU personally going to feel better if you speak up or better if you stay quiet? How are you going to be able to engage with this dude knowing that he thinks that stuff in the future? I think it’s a pretty personal thing about which is the right call for you and your personality.
DE-FRIEND. NOW.
Hm, I would reply *once* making reasonable points in a way that is calm and diplomatic, and then NO re-engagement of conversation. if he’s reasonable, he’ll acknowledge your side/agree to disagree; if he’s not reasonable, he’ll rant and discredit himself and it’s not your problem. But it’s your Fb page, and there is nothing wrong with dialogue, especially if you have your response planned out so it won’t get you upset!
It would fester with me more if I didn’t say anything, I think — hence the limited response.
Tell us what you do?
I am very good at many things, and the things I am not good at, I can generally figure out enough to get by. I’m smart and have an analytical mind that is good at determining processes and then eliminating extraneous steps in said processes, and this makes me good at my job and a pretty great person to be around if you need help figuring out a problem. Also, I am preeeetty funny most of the time, if you are not into linear conversation.
You sound like my kind of person:)
Knowing what you are good at is important. Knowing what you’re not good at is important. Teaching yourself to get good-enough-at is HUGE. Good work!
I am being very kind and patient with my new pup who is FREAKING OUT about having been kicked out of his prior pack and into mine. The freak outs are still a bummer and no one is getting much sleep but they are getting shorter in duration and some fluffy bunny snuggles and tiny nubbin tail wags are happening in between freak outs.
And there are no photos posted of this little darling WHY?
I’ve already tested the patience of everyone on twitter and tumblr, but here’s one.
OH MY GOD JUST LOOK AT THE PUPPEH! Thank you thank you thank you.
PUPPY :} what a little beauty!
I’m not even a dog person and I’m all AWWWW WHAT A SWEET FACE!
I wrote a song this week after a 5-month dry spell! I am not a black hole of creativity! My cat and I had some really good snuggles!
I was really productive this week and got all my art framed. Yay!
Also, I’m a little late on this, but I saw the Lego movie last weekend at it was almost entirely* delightful. So many jokes! Liam Neeson! Nick Offerman! Batman!
*Sure, let’s make a boy the hero again, why not. And definitely make the [spoiler] final conflict between a boy and his dad, because moms & girls don’t play legos.
The Lego Movie was the funniest movie I have seen in memory! I laughed so hard I almost had to leave because I couldn’t handle it.
I might have to see if I can convince Mr. Fringehead to come see it again with me this weekend (he loved it too, but the song hit him in his “I hate this for no rational reason” place, so we’ll see) (I see where he’s coming from, but I genuinely and without sarcasm love that song).
I got some of my art framed recently too! It makes such a difference, doesn’t it? Every time I walk by something new on my walls I get a little rush of satisfaction.
I’m a good cook, I read a lot of books, and I’m a good daughter, and I’m a good girlfriend. I’m also good at accidentally doing really hard things in video games (like the Water Temple in OoT) perfectly the first time, but not necessarily awesome at hard video games.)
I read the most recent Halo EU novel (no shame) and there was a shout-out to Iain M. Banks’ Culture books! I was impressed. At least, I assume it was a shoutout.
I am not about halfway through Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson and am enjoying it quite a bit.
We are putting the XBox 360 in the basement when we move and I am going to try and walk on the treadmill as much as possible when playing games.
OH SHIT Words of Radiance is out? Ooooh nooooo I don’t have time for a thousand page engrossing fantasy epic right now okay maybe I do brb *goes to buy!*
Also, what was the Banks shout-out??
(This is from memory so it may not be 100% accurate)
The team acquires a second ship which they name Bogof. Serin asks the significance of the name, assuming that it is a general or something. They reply that the name stands for “Buy One Get One Free.” Serin’s response is “Ah, a dose of gravitas.”
I can’t imagine that it wasn’t an intentional Culture shout-out, but I suppose it could have been.
Oh that sounds totally legit. Though the word “gravitas” pretty much automatically reminds me of the Culture at this point, hehe.
The Water Temple still haunts my nightmares.
Totally forgot about the Sanderson release, thanks!
Nice things! I’m good at setting and respecting boundaries, baking scones, and making shy people/cats feel comfortable around me.
Does anybody else react more to the light coming back in the spring than it going away in the fall? I don’t get SAD symptoms in the fall/winter, but I get weirdly more prone to impatience/frustration/jitters/anxiety in the last week of Feb. and the first two weeks of March, as the light swings around. It took me a couple years to realize this was a pattern, and that I could just wait it out while eating lots of ice-cream for a few weeks (in a perfect world, all problems would be solved by eating lots of ice-cream).
I do – SAD in March is much harder than September for me.
Ice cream, while not the perfect solution, is a damned fine one.
I do to, and for me I think it has a lot to do with losing my early-morning light. This morning I left the house at just past 6, and it was already growing light – by the time I got to the gym, the sun was almost totally up. I didn’t get as much sleep as I would’ve liked but I felt SO much more awake because of the light.
Same, as the days get longer I have to be really careful to go to bed early enough because I will wake up at the dawn no matter what.
I think February is the worst, and this year February decided to take over March too. I guess it is impatience with winter, and anticipation of spring (sunshine! sandals! life!).
Also, I love scones.
Thumbs up for eating ice cream to deal with your problems!
It has been hard for me to think positive things about myself lately. Winter is beating me down. I CAN’T HANDLE IT ANYMORE.
But, I am really nice to my cats. And I care about being better all the time, and my apartment is beautiful and really nice, in part because of my GOOD EYE and I feel happy there. Any boyfriend and I just discussed taking a weekend trip to NYC in May, which makes me feel hopeful.
In other news, how long before the end of 10 month work contract is it appropriate to bring up it’s potential renewal? My contract is up in June and I am getting antsy. I am looking forward to summer so hard, but would really love to be employed throughout it!
I am also in a winter funk, I think. How else can I explain being inexplicably sad and feeling like I need 10 hours of sleep every night??
…Hormones. I guess I could explain that with hormones. But also winter!!
It’s the winter, don’t let it fool you! It’s making me never want to go outside, which in turn, makes me feel like I am wasting my life, and a lazy butt. It’s awful.
I’m not sure about the contract-etiquette here, but the end of the fiscal year is almost here, so wherever you’re working is probably writing the next fiscal year’s budget right about now, which could mean they’ll make a renewal decision soon. Maybe ask in April when the budgets are done?
I worked an 18 month contract, and I was trying to get hired on permanently, but I think the etiquette is the same. You’re about four months out. Whenever it’s convenient for you and your boss in the next month, I would try having a quick conversation about how you’re doing at work, and ask whether: 1: is renewal an option, because you like the job or the people or whatever it is that you like about your job (say the job, even if it’s a lie). and then ask 2: If so, when would they be making that decision?
Most bosses understand that you would like to know as soon as possible if you’re going to be unemployed. Just be nice and make it clear that you aren’t asking for a decision, just wanting to be kept in the loop about when decisions happen and that you’d like to stay if you can.
I couldn’t be happier with the way my Phoenix Suns are playing this season. They are just extraordinary. Goran Dragic is a terrific leader, and humble to boot. Gerald Green has been reborn. Channing Frye overcome a goddamn brush with death to come back and play at a super-high level. Everyone is amazing. I am so excited for their future!
Something good about myself: I’m very patient and a good listener. And I’m a nice guy (but not a Nice Guy tm, as my wife will attest).
So really excited today because my wife and I have locked down our plans to visit my sister/brother-in-law/niece in NYC! Which will also be devoted to going to delicious pizza/ice cream/bread/deliciousness places. I love food!
And I’m excited because the weather is supposedly going to stop trying to be horrible this weekend and into next week. I’m so done with winter I cannot even deal with it.
EDIT: Oh! And my 6th grade elementary school class is organizing a 20th year reunion, which I think is going to be a lot of fun if people can work out their schedules to show up. I’ve kept up with enough of them to know some of them are doing really interesting things, so I’m looking forward to catching up with them!
Oh my god I’ve never even thought of having an elementary school reunion! That would be so weird. I wonder if I could even find WES graduating 8th grade class of ’94. I mean, I actually know where most of them are so it probably wouldn’t be too hard…
Yeah, this is all being done through facebook. Ours has been timed so that the one girl who lives in Australia can make it (to the DC area… so not a short trip). Hoping old friends who are now in New York and California will be able to make it, too!
My wife went to an elementary school reunion last year and really enjoyed it. She said it’s nice to meet people with whom you have a connection, but unlike a high school or college reunion, you don’t spend the whole time dredging up the past or trying to prove something, so much as talking about where you are now and just enjoying each other’s company. It sounded like a lot of fun!
A good thing about me: I am good at enjoying things! It is a beautiful day here in England, and I took my lunch outside and ate it in the sun blissfully alone, and it was lovely.
Also, I’ve read several books lately that I think are relevant to the Toast’s interests: 1) I finally read The Pursuit of Love, and it was as wonderful as Mallory had led me to believe in the article about the Mitford sisters,
2) I read Stella Gibbon’s My American, and it was good! Not as funny as I expected, since her only other book I’ve read is Cold Comfort Farm, but a good novel with a compassionate take on all its characters.
3) I read Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Shuttle (it’s free on Gutenberg) and mostly enjoyed it. It suffers a bit from the same glorification of magical thinking that makes the second half of The Secret Garden so irritating, but it also features lots of fun scenes of a practical woman coming into a messed up situation and fixing it with determination and lots of money, which is always enjoyable to read. And it is worth reading just for this line, which I think is still an important observation today:
“I will not sit down,” replied Betty, “but I will listen, because it is not a bad idea that I should understand you. But to begin with, I will tell you something.” She stopped beneath the tree and stood with her back against its trunk. “I pick up things by noticing people closely, and I have realised that all your life you have counted upon getting your own way because you saw that people—especially women—have a horror of public scenes, and will submit to almost anything to avoid them. That is true very often, but not always.”
Her eyes, which were well opened, were quite the blue of steel, and rested directly upon him. “I, for instance, would let you make a scene with me anywhere you chose—in Bond Street—in Piccadilly—on the steps of Buckingham Palace, as I was getting out of my carriage to attend a drawing-room—and you would gain nothing you wanted by it—nothing. You may place entire confidence in that statement.”
Okay, I want to read The Shuttle now.
This whole thread/idea of mass self-positivity is making me so happy!!
My good thing – my dude and I are REALLY good at doing the Sunday Times crossword, and I love how smart we are as individuals and as a team.
Me too. I’m very happy right now!
This is truly impressive. Nice work!
Awesome! I have the NYTimes crossword puzzle app, and my life goal is to complete a Sunday crossword. I attempt a couple every night (they have archives going back foreverrrrr)
Fine, I’ll say it: I’m a catch!
I’m also good at making miniature food out of polymer clay.
Ahhhhh! Tiny food is AWESOME!
Hey, I’m interested in learning to make miniature food out of polymer clay! How did you get started? Do you have any favorite how-to books/sites/whatever that you’d recommend?
Get thee to YouTube and search “polymer clay food tutorial” and sit in front of your computer binge-watching videos. I’m a visual learner so everything I know about making miniature food I got from watching YouTube videos. One of my favorite mini food makers in Toni Ellison.
Start simple with a few different colors of clay and tools from the craft store and play around with basic texturing techniques. I think the best starter project is a doughnut.
Have fun!
Cool, thank you! I will watch for Toni Ellison’s name. And maybe I’ll try a doughnut this weekend.
(I have actually already done a couple projects… from a Klutz book for children! So obviously they’re more cartoony than realistic, but oh my God I made the cutest fucking cartoon pear I’m so proud.)
I’m going to go a little hogwild on saying nice things about myself because … well, I need to right now. The end of winter is a tough season for me.
I’m a great cook. I’ve been learning since I was ~5. I can walk into your kitchen after you say “Hey, there’s nothing for dinner, let’s go to the store” and make an artful, balanced, delicious meal.
I’m a good writer, a good researcher, and I work like a donkey to get it right.
I’m a good friend. I’ll go to the hospital or the hospice or the funeral home with you, or I’ll dance with you at the party. I’ll bring you dinner every week for a whole season when you’re sick. I’ll bring a cake to your birthday party if yours gets ruined. I’ll babysit your kid or do your laundry or walk over in the snow to give you the last bit of cash out of my wallet when you need it. When things get tough, I show up because I know showing up is most of what friendship is about.
I am learning to believe in myself, and to act accordingly. In the last few years, I’ve pushed myself hard to identify the things I truly want out of life and to take steps to achieve those goals. In the last few months, I’ve ramped that up… well, a lot.
I am proud of myself, as proud as I’ve ever been.
You sound FANTASTIC. Seriously, SERIOUSLY fantastic.
You all – every one of you! – are the kindest. I really needed to boost myself up today; I had actually put “be kind to yourself” on my to-do list.
As others have said, it was hard to write that stuff down without waffling or qualifying it, and I appreciate your kind responses. It’s easy to be snarky and harder to be generous, but generosity seems to be what Toasties do best.
These are all awesome, and you are awesome.
All of these things are you, and they are wonderful.
Those are all wonderful things, and I just want to note that I love having you as part of the Toast community. <3
I realize this is not a competition, but nevertheless: You crushed it. And I love that you work like a donkey.
Thank you, that was a long time coming. My parents, who did the best they could, always praised us for being “smart” or “talented” or “gifted,” inadvertently teaching us that effortless success was laudable and effort wasn’t.
As an adult, I recognize that while abstract intelligence and talent can help, it’s mostly diligence and donkey-work that gets good work done. It took a lot of self-awareness and discipline to get that clear in my head, and I’m loud and proud about how hard I work.
All those things are wonderful and way to go!, but you saying unequivocally that you’re proud of yourself actually made me tear up a little. That’s the best, and I’m really happy for you.
I am feeling good because I stuck up for myself and got my overbearing co-worker to admit, for once, that he is wrong.
I am also feeling happy because spring break is starting and I have all next week off from work and said overbearing co-worker. Plus we are traveling to California to see my parents.
Good for you! Overbearing coworkers are the worst.
Seconded! It’s hard, but it’s so worth doing.
I’m proud of you!!!
Self-positivity: I have amazing thick red hair and nice legs. I have somehow found my way into a wonderful arrangement with a work-from-home husband who feeds and cares for me. I am going to dress up like Black Widow at Emerald City Comicon in three weeks, and I can make myself laugh till I cry by talking in one of our cats’ “voices” about how he (the cat) has signed us up for a reverse mortgage and free diabetic testing supplies. Which is what I did this morning, and which partially contributed to my lateness to work, since I had to redo my eye makeup from the laughing to tears. I win.
The other reason I was late: my hellacious commute. Anyone know how to go about being an adult and buying a for-real house?
I love being able to make myself laugh. It’s such a fun trait.
It’s the best. I always think about how you have your own EXACT sense of humour, so you’re always going to be the person you find the funniest! I have so many inside jokes with myself.
When I bought my place, I went to this local how-to-buy-a-house program thingy. They explained all kinds of stuff, and they also gave me money to use towards my moving costs and stuff. That was very helpful. Sadly, it was also very local, so the specific program I went to is unlikely to help you. But see if there’s anything similar where you live.
The other thing that was very helpful was that I had an excellent real estate agent, who I found through a friend’s recommendation. If you know people who have bought houses recently, ask them who their realtor was and if they’d recommend them.
My only other advice is to make sure you make as complete a list as you can of all the things you will have to pay for and do when you own a home that you don’t have to pay for and do now, so you’re prepared for them. I was surprised at how much money and time I have to spend doing homeowner-ish things. It’s not at all unmanageable, it’s just more than I somehow expected.
Something nice about myself– my nails always look fly. Can we have a thread about that? What kind of base coat do you guys use? Have you ever used that polish that has glitter shaped like stars and hearts and stuff in it? Has anyone done those nail polish strips and had them actually work because when I tried it it was a hot mess? LETS TALK ALL ABOUT NAILS
I use NailTiques Formula 2 as my base coat because my nails are CRAP thanks to a zillion health problems. Before I got sick, though, I used CND’s Stickey with great results.
I’m the secretary who does her nails at her desk (not even lying), so I can’t get too fancy with the polish strips. The fanciest I do is an accent nail in something daring like A CONTRAST COLOR. Or maybe even painting all my nails in metallic except for ONE IN A CREAM. Yes. Very edgy. But man, I love having pretty, colorful nails. They’re the only part of my body that I look at all day every day (because Secretary = Typing A Lot) and I like to keep them nice.
I’m using something terrible now, so I can’t really comment on base coat (sidenote: why do I feel like I have to use up stuff I hate? Does it really save money to hate your stuff?). But my favorite new (to me) nail thing is jelly sandwiches! So much fun!
I tried to do a reverse french manicure once with some kind of strip and they turned out terrrrible. I think any kind of strip-based nail art must be a lie.
What is jelly sandwiches?? Am intrigued.
Do you have tips on removing glitter polish? I bought some a few weeks ago and LOVE IT but have only used it once because it’s such a pain to take off.
I saw a tutorial on this that I’m going to paraphrase to you since I don’t remember where it was:
Cut aluminum foil into like 4-inch squares and break up cotton balls into smaller nail-sized balls. Get the cotton balls completely soaked with remover, set one on top of your nail, and then wrap the foil really tightly around your finger so that the cotton ball is pressed against the surface of your nail. Wait 5-10 minutes and then slide the cotton ball off– all the glitter should come off with it. You can do one whole hand at a time. It’s kind of a pain but it works!
It totally works.
I use the Orly Bonder base coat and it works like whoa.
Oh god naaaaails! I’m a (mostly) reformed nail biter and obsessed with painting my nails. I too am interested in base coat recommendations, the l’oreal one I’m currently using is kinda bullshit. Also if anyone knows how I can get my cuticles to stop drying out in this horrible weather and peeling off and bleeding all over the place, that would be cool too.
I also stopped biting via nail-painting! (OK, it was originally through acrylic tips, but now I just paint my natural nails and they grow and grow and I have to cut them!)
I have no opinion about base coats — I always use one, but what do people think is ever bad about them? I love the Sally Hansen quick-dry top coat, though.
Does anyone else strongly dislike the nude polish trend? Nude nail polish defies the purpose of wearing nail polish!
In theory I like the idea of making my hands look like weird Barbie hands, but in practice I think it’s hideous.
word. if I want “nude” nails I just… don’t paint my nails! easy as. give me color or give me death, etc.
I have an OPI base coat, and a Zoya base coat (nearly all my scary amounts of nail polish is from Zoya), and some random one from a Birchbox back when I got those.
I am pretty weirded out by excessive glitter; it doesn’t seem to be a me thing. But you don’t want to see how ridiculous my nail polish looks right now (tip wear everywhere) but it matched my sweater on monday so w/e.
Nice thing about myself? I’m a nice person, even to the office bully, and I have really killer blue eyes.
Something I could use some advice about? My hair is going grey – not the end of the world I know, and I have plans to really embrace this (and polished river stone necklaces!) but not for about twenty years :/ I’m turning thirty in July, and I feel too young to be getting grey (grey hair AND pimples?!) I haven’t dyed my hair for about ten years; I was thinking one of Lush’s henna products, but my hairdresser pal has violently vetoed henna. I guess I’m looking at just starting to have it salon dyed by him, but that seems so expensive and time consuming. What do all you guys do if you choose to colour your hair?
I get a translucent-ish glaze (by my hairdresser) that’s a few shades off my natural color–it still looks fine with my skintone/eyebrows/whatnot, but it’s darker and richer and has a lot more dimension. It’s subtle and close enough that I don’t have an issue with roots, and I’ve had great luck with it staying put on my normally dye-averse hair. I don’t have any greys, though, so I can’t attest to how it would work with that.
Is it cool to put in a plug for premature gray? If not, please ignore me completely.
I went gray in high school, and when I stopped coloring it in my 20s, it was gorgeous. The juxtaposition of gray hair and young skin is really striking; I got compliments every single day. It made me very visible and distinctive (which, admittedly, isn’t everyone’s cup of tea), and the gray unexpectedly added to my confidence rather than diminishing it. (p.s., my killer blue eyes were even more amazing against that gray hair.)
Since I turned 40, those compliments have tapered off, in part because the juxtaposition isn’t as striking. The 20s-30s transition, lavish with compliments, really helped me transition from dyed-auburn to a whole head of gray and white in comfort and confidence. I’m not sure I’d be as pleased with my hair today if I had kept coloring it in my 20s.
Everyone’s experience is different, though! And you know best what’s right for you.
I saw a woman at the gym yesterday–she might have been anywhere from 35 to 45–with all-white hair and she looked AMAZING. Like, I could not get OVER how good it looked. I’m still not over it, clearly.
oooh, are you going white now? jealous over here! enjoy it!
White hair is absolutely gorgeous, at any age! When I start going grey, I hope to transition myself to white as quickly as possible, even if that involves coloring/bleaching, tips welcome. (My natural hair color is mid-to-light blonde, so blonde + grey = horrible dishwater instead of lovely salt and pepper like brunettes get, alas).
Embrace it! I’m 24 and already have a bunch of gray hairs (two are in my bangs!), but I got my first one at 16 so I think I’ve always been used to it. I don’t have info about dying but I do know that the reason you’re hairdresser may be suggesting you avoid henna because the cheap ones have metals added to it that mess up your hair. If you get true henna it’s fine and it can actually be good for your hair! I’d google “longhaircommunity henna” and browse through their forums, they have really good info.
My mom always died her grays with boxed dye from the store and it looked fine. She doesn’t dye them anymore but uses a special gray hair shampoo. If you find them they are awesome, they manage the fact that gray hair is often coarser and they keep it silver rather than yellowing, without altering the color of the rest of your hair. Best of luck!
I just don’t think I’m ready to embrace it yet, you know? It’s taken me a long time to get to a place of peace with my appearance, and this feels like too much to ask to get used to now! Haha
Haha, I totally understand. I’ve always thought grey hair was really cool so there wasn’t much effort required for me to embrace it but there are other things I struggle with so I totally get it. Anyway, I’ve heard Clairol brand dye is the best for covering greys, and you can do it cheaply in your bathtub. Make sure to rub some vaseline around your hairline though so you don’t end up with dye on your face. Also, my sister said that if you squirt a little extra dye in your shampoo bottle (or maybe conditioner?) and use it like you would any regular one it can help your color last.
My mom’s been using semi-permanent box dyes for years now and it looks great. She’ll usually pick a shade that’s a little lighter than her base shade so the greys essentially just turn into highlights. I think the semi permanent fades a little more nicely from a roots standpoint than other kinds?
My grandmother was a redhead for most of my childhood and transitioned to being a blond at some point when I was in college. I have no idea what her natural hair color is, and at this point I don’t know that she does either. So colored hair for life is also totally an option. Better living through chemistry, etc.
Why has your pal vetoed henna? It is the best answer, if you ask me. If his issue is that it will wreck or dry out your hair, no it won’t. As long as it is pure henna, it will not do anything crazy to your hair. Nor will it dry it out– compared to chemical dyes, it is far nicer on your hair. If his issue is that it’s permanent, you can decide if you think that’s a problem.
I have been dyeing my hair with henna for about 5 years. It is the best! I really like the brand that has animals on the front of the box (it is [something] Mountain, I’m really sorry but I don’t have time to look it up, they carry it at Whole Foods). OH and btw, henna will not blend in your greys. They will turn out bright orange (which I think is a great look).
How hard is dying with henna? I want to try it, but have never done any coloring myself. What is your advice? I know I should gather old towels. How do you manage the timing? I’d am hungry for any advice you have time for. Thanks very much.
I don’t think it’s hard at all, just messier & more time-consuming than regular box dye. The longer your hair is, the more of a pain in the ass it is. Tips: Make sure it’s thinned out enough– if it’s too thick, you will get little chunks everywhere. An old towel or two will suffice. The color is stronger if you mix it and then leave it for a few hours or overnight (I have both left it in a warm place for a few hours, and mixed it & then put it in the fridge for a few days). Timing is very easy. Leave it on for at least an hour, longer if you can/want. It will not change the color dramatically if you do longer.
Thanks very much. My hair is thin and shoulder-length, so volume is not a problem. I just lack courage and optimism.
The unpredictability of it, I think. And something about metallic salts. And he probably knew the bright orange thing about the grey, which probably looks lovely on you, but isn’t my personal style.
Fair enough. But just FYI, there aren’t metallic salts in all brands of henna dye, but I do think they are present in Lush’s stuff.
Any stylist who vetoes henna makes me side-eye. Now, maybe she just doesn’t want to deal with it and that’s valid because WHOA NELLY that shit is messy and time-consuming. But it’s so so so good for your hair. I’ve been coloring my hair for nearly five years with a two-step henna/indigo process (because I want black hair, not red) and everybody (including my stylist) comments on my amazing hair ALL THE TIME.
If you’re going to go for it, though, PLEASE don’t use Lush or Mountain henna. They can be old and stale and unreliable in color deposit. Go to Mehandi.com and check out their products as well as their helpful instructions. They even have support staff that you can email or call with questions! You’ll be so much happier with your results from Mehandi henna. Repeated colorings with body-art-quality henna will turn even white hair into a gorgeous coppery-burgundy.
I have a big old file of henna tips that I send to people if you’re interested. Not that I have any idea how to get your email address…but if you figure out how and you want the file, lemme know!
Yeah, I’ve heard stylists put down henna before, but I cannot for the life of my figure out why. Unless you’re already dyeing your hair, henna is pretty easy to do. Messy, but totally nontoxic.
I’ve had good luck buying my henna from Henna Sooq. I’m not a super expert, but I like how they describe the different hennas.
Oooh! Thank you for the Henna Sooq! ALWAYS good to have another recommended supplier!
I believe you can’t do anything over henna, so maybe that’s a reason for stylists not to like it?
I am finally going to graduate law school in May, AND I have a clerkship lined up so I can wait a few months before panicking fully about my FUTURE CAREER. That’s a good thing about me. Also, I am super good at rollerskating.
Congratulations!
That’s awesome! You have got it lined up, lady!
Nice thing about me: when I was a young woman, finding my way in the world, I used to take some pride in being known as The Bitchy One in my group of friends (because at the time, that felt like being strong). Since then my attitude has shifted and I feel stronger and more self-assured in a better way and I consider myself (and I think most people would agree) that I am a very positive and good-natured person, and I like that about me. Also, I’m very witty/clever, have pretty eyes, and this past Tuesday I made Shrove Tuesday pancakes Ma Jinx would be proud of and graciously shared them with my roommates.
Oh, that is BIG. Figuring out what is really being strong for you is a big part of being your best self. Well done!
I know that world. I used to think I was a “strong person” when really I was just rude and too pushy sometimes. Now, I still think I’m a strong person, but with a more kind, gentle approach.
I am in the midst of trying to transform myself like this – I don’t wanna be rude and/or a bitch anymore! I want to love people very much. Except until they are not worthy of love, and then they will be destroyed.
That was me when I was younger. Strong *for me* (thanks for the wording, Elsa is Emily) has been redefined. I am still learning that the stronger I am, the less I need to demonstrate my strength. It requires huge amounts of strength to be content to be quiet.
Gracie?
You know the E.M. Forster quote “If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country”? I always choose my friends. This is something I like about myself.
I am also funny and smart and kind and loving, and I try very hard to continually improve as a person. I support myself with my writing. I am strong and I am determined and I have held on to who I am despite a lot of people trying to make me doubt that I should be that person. I’m getting better at letting things go. I am not afraid to love people even though it sometimes hurts to love people.
I’m learning a lot of new things lately, a lot of new ways to live, and I am proud of myself for doing something different because it is hard to change, even if they way I used to do things was destructive and awful. I know it can be really hard to give up the familiar, even if the familiar sucks. I am proud of myself for being brave enough to do something new, to try to improve, to break free.
I am proud of myself for being brave enough to do something new, to try to improve, to break free.
That is so, so hard, and you are rightly proud of yourself for doing it. Well done!
I am a very good loser. And a gracious winner. And an okay pool player.
Games are so much more fun when you’re a good loser. (And a gracious winner, obviously, but I’m definitely in the former category more often). And I’m not that good at pool, but I’m not that bad, either, which is also a fun state to be in.
They are! And I’m playing a lot trying to get better, and I think it helps to have the attitude of “I’ll most likely miss this but if I don’t practice banking I’ll never get better at banking” than to get all pissy when you lose. I don’t know how sore losers ever get good at anything. Playing pool by myself just to practice shots doesn’t even sound fun. I need a beer and someone to joke around with!
…you’re in Seattle, right? We should totally get some beer and play gracious, moderately-talented games of pool.
I am! I work downtown, too. Unfortunately, downtown bars don’t have pool tables since they closed the NiteLite. But if you ever want to trek somewhere and knock around some balls let me know 🙂
Sweet! Do you have any contact info you’re comfortable sharing here? (I keep meaning to get an email address that doesn’t have my real name in it for just this kind of thing, but I haven’t yet)
I just use an old one that basically houses anything I don’t want spammin’ my Gee Mail. Broomhildahanny at yahoo. So e-mail that one and I’ll email you back the one I actually check 🙂
As someone who is a bad pool player but likes all the components of it, I have only played with waaaay too competitive pool players, so you sound GREAT.
Oh this makes me sad. I want everyone to be better so more people will play!
Nice things:
1) I so loved the post about pin-up shots and mothers that I have started a Lenten journal to give to my mother on Easter. She and I were super super close when I was growing up (maybe that was part of the problem), and we’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch for the past few years. But now that I’m about to have a baby, I’m feeling very compelled to get my relationship with my mother back in line, and I think this is going to be a great way to do it!
2) I had a great job interview last Saturday. BUT the timing is a little dicey. There is a possible position that would be *perfect*, time-wise, but I won’t know for a bit longer if I’m going to get an offer. So, hopeful anticipation!
3) It is finally warming up. Polar vortex be gone!!
I can relate to your first point. My mom and I were super close, too, but now that I’ve been gone a few years we’ve been different to each other. I think it’s because we miss each other? And neither of us really wants to unleash the flood of emotions surrounding our very strong bond, so we are just kinda rude sometimes. I dunno. It sucks.
The misandry was in full force last night as I ended up sitting across from a mansplainer extraordinaire at a group dinner last night. Oh, was it fun to mess with him. At one point when he would not concede a (wrong) position about something inane, I looked him in the eye and said, “I’m done talking about this now” and turned to chat with the lovely lady sitting next to me.
And a nice thing about myself is that I am a good cook and baker and a really good dancer.
Here goes: I can cook like a motherfucker, am a master of organization and efficiency, can rebuild vintage Vespas from the frame up, have consciously made the effort (and, I think, succeeded at) communicating better with myself and others, I can go to bars and restaurants and shows by myself and be ok, I love fiercely and am very loyal, I’m smart and short and have good hair. Also, becoming a pool shark.
You sound fucking awesome.
Like, really fucking awesome.
Aw, thanks! Getting old(er) has some serious perks.
My baby shower is this Saturday, and there are going to be two of them on the same day, one for family, and one for friends, and both are supposed to be co-ed, but only ladies RSVP’ed for the family shower, which is making me very mad at all of my male family members. On one hand, baby showers can be lame, but I specifically asked my sister not to include any stupid games or lame stuff, plus the dudes are going to be part of the baby’s life too, so I want them to be there! Strangely this has not been a problem with the friends shower, but they may have been lured by the promise of booze and tacos.
A nice thing about me… I have lovely big brown eyes that I hope my daughter inherits!
My husband’s family is incredible traditional, and I’ve been to four baby showers (and counting) this winter that they’ve thrown — at all of them, the possibility of men showing up has not even occurred to anyone. I think that some people don’t even think about a _man_ coming to a _baby shower_ (unless it’s the Dad). Last one I was at, the grandfathers were hiding out in the wine cellar.
An co-ed baby showers can be such a blast! I hope both of yours go well, even if one turns into a ladies-only thing.
I work hard at making a life for myself that makes me happy. I am also compassionate and have an awesome sense of style.
I work hard and play harder. Haha just kidding about using that sentence but I am good at my job and I am really good at playing baseball, especially at hitting fastballs. Plus I am the organizer/manager of our team so I’m diplomatic and careful about doing things the right way. Same goes for personal relationships, I’m a good friend and companion. I could list the ways but I have no problem being positive about myself so I’ll stop before conceited territory. “My only flaw is loving myself so much.”
Also! My office randomly got an advance copy of Rainbow Rowell’s new book, coming out in July. I will spend the entire weekend with it, and I cannot wait!
Literally gasped with jealousy. Have fun!
jealoussss
!!!!!!!!!!!!! You lucky duck. Free advance copies of great books is my dream job perk.
Nice things? Okay, I actually feel up to this today, so that’s one thing right there.
1. I used to hate myself, and now I like myself. This is a huge fucking achievement for me, but it’s not something I can drop into conversation or slap on a resume, so it’s nice to be able to share it.
2. I’m super happy with my approach to food. I’m a good, creative cook, I’ve figured out what works for me health-wise, and I have zero guilt about anything food or eating related.
3. I’m a good listener and a fixer, and animals like me.
4. I have nice eyebrows, ears, and hair.
I used to hate myself, and now I like myself.
This made tears spring to my eyes. That’s a huge change, and thank you for sharing it with us. (Not nearly as important, but still nice: I like you, too.)
HIGH FIVE FOR NOT DROWNING IN SELF-HATRED. And for having nice eyebrows.
I am terrific in just so many ways and here is one: if I keep up my present rate of progress I will be able to do like twenty pull-ups by my birthday. It will be like the opening scenes of T2 every day at my apartment.
change of topic: is my cat the best or the worst? evidence for the best:
when I lie on my back to do my dumb physical therapy exercises she flops down on her back too and waves her paws in the air just like me.
evidence for the worst:
when I try to do push-ups she hops up onto the small of my back right where all the ruptured discs are and hangs out there until I am done, like it is an amusement park ride. cat goes up, cat goes down.
She is Cat. There is no best/worst, there just is.
My mom came to visit last month and met my cat for the first time, and after a day or two I finished showing her all the pictures of my cat that are on my phone, and she said to me, delicately: you know, a lot of the things your cat does that you think are unique and wonderful are things that cats do, in general.
so I am never speaking to her again, she can get herself another grandcat.
Ahhhhh! Trying not to be jealous of your pull-ups and failing just a little bit.
Me too! I have been trying to work toward doing pull-ups by jumping up from a chair so my chin is over the bar and then lowering myself slowly. I’ve been improving [now I can do it three or four times before I jump up and fall straight down again, instead of one time], but I feel like I’m still really far from one pull-up.
Me too! My goal is to do 1 pull up by May!
well don’t get too jealous as my projection is based on wildly optimistic calculations. Right now I can do three sets of about 10 pull-downs each (not actual pull-ups) & I’m up to pulling down 100 pounds, which is about 2/3 of my total weight. so I’m banking on being able to increase the weight by 10 pounds per month for the next four or five months until SUDDENLY I am pulling down/up my full body weight. (it is hard not to resent tiny people who would be doing full pull-ups already if they had my strength level but I am resisting it.)
like I say this is probably very unrealistic but when I started I could only do a few sets of 50-60 pounds so I feel good about my progress.
I love that we have a good number of fitness badasses here. *fistbump*
I really am LOLing. Your cat is the best.
Oh, your cat is the best! Mine sometimes does yoga with me (stretches out beside me) but sometimes she bites my toes and taps my ipad with her paw to pause the video and generally impedes yoga.
This morning though she just wanted to purr and cuddle, and even though the intention I set at the beginning was to stay present in my practice, I found myself trying to find ways to both do every pose and scratch her behind the ears at the same time, and I don’t care, she was so happy.
Matt, I’m going to need to buy a copy of this so I can create a proper Toast shrine.
I’m really good at being on time! And also at getting things off shelves for little old ladies at Giant Eagle.
Being on time is SUCH an under-appreciated skill! I’m a prompt person, and it’s almost not even worth it because no one ever cares!
I CARE. Thank you both.
Being on time is a sign of respect. You respect the other person enough to not waste their time. It is worth it and some of us do care and appreciate it. Thank you!
I got to present some real wacky and fun ideas at a gender studies symposium at my alma mater yesterday, and it was rad as hell! It was really affirming and fun.
“wacky and fun” and “gender studies” is hitting a whole lotta my buttons.
I am a total badass when biking in cities. This is a skill that I’m really proud of. I can also knit & bake really well, and I love my body.
biking skills! I wanted to throw that down, but isn’t it awesome when you execute a totally great turn or stop or you hit all the green lights while being (in my case only sorta) safe and having fun? Ride hard!
I have an annoying possible really bad finance/money situation… so my old university got hacked and all these records for years back were possibly accessed, including name/social/birthday. I went to sign up for credit monitoring, and that company said they couldn’t pull up any credit history for me. Strange, I thought, because I just checked my credit score not even 6 months ago. So I tried to input all my info again to sign up for credit monitoring, it’s still not working. I check my credit score – it is there and the same as it was last time. Now, maybe I’m an ignoramus/lackadaisical Billfold reader, but it wasn’t until this debacle that I realized a credit SCORE and a credit REPORT were not the same. Oops. So I then tried to get my credit REPORT and can’t access it online. They have to mail it to me because of security concerns. The lovely customer service lady from the credit monitoring company gave me a number and told me exactly what to say – basically I have to call the federal credit bureau and make sure they have my information correct and accurate.
Is any of this normal? I’m a little freaked out now.
(Probably the hackers already got a mortgage and 17 credit cards in my name HAA ha ha……)
It’s not normal, but it sounds like you are being proactive, and doing all that you can. Wait until you get your report(s), and give us an update next week. *You get one free report a year each from Experian, TransUnion and Equifax.
Eeek. My face is doing all sorts of stressful contortions.
Yes- my thing to do after work is call the number the customer service woman gave me. I didn’t opt to have my credit report mailed but that was from Experian so maybe I’ll try one of the other two tonight also and see if I have better luck.
Another thing to consider might be calling your renters/ homeowners insurance agent and seeing if they have an identity theft coverage option. It wasn’t that much money when I carried it, and it seemed worth it- they don’t sort things out for you, but they do pay for the costs of sorting things out IF your identity is stolen.
Also, your university should totally pony up and pay for credit monitoring for you. That’s what mine did when they got hacked (way to use ssn’s for ID numbers, folks!).
I’m living at home now (part of the reason I’m panicking is I’m looking at apartments/houses THIS WEEKEND and if landlords want to check my credit I don’t know what they’re going to find aghhh. Universe, let me move!)
But that is good information to know. Luckily my university is paying for the credit monitoring! 🙂 5 years’ worth. They’re doing that right at least.
Good news and bad news. Bad news first: hijacked credit happens a lot, to lots of people. Good news: It happens a lot, to lots of people, which is why you will prevail. Any problem that has frequency and breadth has goaded many people into creating and streamlining solutions.
Back in 1995 I learned I was a victim of identity fraud. And there was very little I could do about it. I put in hundreds of hours of work with little result. Even the police had trouble helping me, sometimes not believing I am the proper owner of my name, DoB, SSN, etc.
Since then, so many people have experienced the same problem, including senators’ families, that solutions are now in place, laws, even. Put “identity theft” and your province/state into your favorite search engine. And good luck. It’s gonna be OK.
A very similar thing happened to me when I tried to get a credit report a couple of weeks ago. I was only planning to get my report from one agency (so I could rotate them), but the first one I tried was blocked and I was told to mail the stuff in. So I checked the other two and they were fine–but now I’m worried about the mortgage or car loan that some other person has in my name. I haven’t sent my mail-in stuff yet and I am also terrified. 🙁
(I noticed below that you said you’re trying to move, too–were you one of the people who replied to my post last month about trying to find a new housemate in DC? If you are still interested, we’re still looking–let me know!)
I am slow.. but I emailed you!
I am generous, thoughtful, and funny. Children of all ages love me (including infants and really old people who still act like kids), and I think it’s because I am a sincere person.
So I’m in Boston for a work thing and can’t stalk the open thread all afternoon instead of getting work done like I usually do. Sad! BUT yesterday I was wandering around in a bookstore at Harvard Square, and I saw Jolie’s book on display, so of course I had to buy it. The cashier rang it up and was like, “I’m three chapters into this and I love it SO MUCH,” so I asked her if she read the Toast or the Hairpin, and she said, “No, but people keep asking me that! I guess I should check them out.”
Keep spreading the good word, Boston Toasties.
I bought my copy in Porter Square (Cambridge, technically, but I live in Boston!), and the nice older-guy cashier told me HE had read it, loved it, and thought it had the best title in the history of titles. Boston-area book store cashiers are on-the-ball readers and/or convincing liars!
Positive things:
I’m making slow progress on things I’ve always wanted to do to be that more ideal version of myself. I’ve:
-continued volunteering with a local neighborhood group
-successfully facilitated part of a meeting, which is a weak point of my overall job experience
-getting better at budgeting
-trying to pick up some extra money on the side to pay down some smaller, higher interest debt; once that gets paid off I can tackle student loans in earnest
-getting a trim on my haircut! I’m going to get the back cut much shorter but try to keep a lot of the length in the front, so really going for a more extreme angle on my a-line haircut.
-I finally submitted not just one, but two pieces for the Toast! (I still owe pictures)
I’ve still been a bundle of nerves this week though; I don’t know if it’s just work or my worries about finances or even the looming 30th bday. I feel much more sure of myself now than I did through most of my 20s, so that’s a win.
I don’t think the ice cream party is going to happen, I am kind of sheepish about having that much attention focused on me and the logistics of timing seemed like a nightmare. BUT for my bday, my husband and I are going to try out a new Ethiopian place that has RAVE yelp reviews, then get ice cream from my favorite place… and then almost a week later we’re flying out to LA to take the vacation we wanted to last year. So that is awesome.
I am mostly content, fairly happy on average these days, but I will say today I am conscious of where I’m falling short so this activity of listing positive things is helpful.
Toasties, I can poach a right damn good egg. Also, letting the wild curls do their wild curl thing looks pretty damn good too. And I’ve managed to keep a long distance relationship going for like, 2 years, and we’re still pretty crazy about each other. I also have a 6th sense when it comes to nail polishes that will compliment my skin tone.
Random things I noticed this week: My mother pronounces the word “donkey” as “don-KAY”, which was SO off-putting I asked her to repeat it at least 3 times. Ultimately, I realized that it might be possible I’ve never heard my mom say that word before?
Damn you egg poaching wizards and your magical skills! *Keeps using the silly silicone cup…*
My dad pronounces Kenya as ‘Keen-ya’ for no apparent reason and it frustrates me to NO END.
Quietly laughing to myself over here about “don-KAY.” That’s an odd one. My husband very distinctly pronounces the g in “king,” which drives me berserk.
My dad says “Sar-cramento” instead of Sacramento and it drives me bonkers. We don’t live there or anything but every time he has occasion to mention it, it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
Good thing: On a daily basis, I contain my rage at the world and function in a manner which can be characterized as “civilized” and even “productive.” I am proud of this exhausting, but worthy, accomplishment. Next step: figuring out how I can use said rage to enact change.
Toast Parents! I need you to throw any and all names of books, blogs, movies, etc on the topics of pregnancy and parenthood my way, SPECIFICALLY those that won’t make me want to kill their creator. The husband and I are finally getting serious about having a kid, but even a cursory glance at mainstream web sites on the subject made bile gurgle up in my throat. HELP! And thank you.
I got nothin’ for ya on your second question, but I must say, I also struggle with an overwhelming sense of rage at the world. Just last night I had an almost-crying moment because I read some articles about human rights violations and it just…it really gets to me. It’s not my job to solve the world’s problems but there are SO MANY so I want to at least try!!!
I hear you. The older I get, the more my eyes are opened to the pure awful all around me. And I used to be such a zen person! But dumb. I was dumb. I guess I’m grateful for being more aware now, but it gets hard to deal. I KNOW I’d feel better if I took some concrete steps toward helping those in need, so that’s my goal for now.
(I can’t wait to have a baby and totally fuck it up with all this intensity!)
I did okay with the Mayo Clinic Healthy Pregnancy Guide, except that it deals quite a bit with what normally happens, and if you don’t end up having a normal pregnancy, any guide book will be frustrating.
I recommend balancing any book with Let’s Panic About Babies! by Eden Kennedy and Alice Bradley. It’s a parody of pregnancy books and really, really helped me (not with actual advice, obv).
I am a good friend, and I can bake really well. I believe you can support the military and be anti-war, and that humans are complex, multi-faceted, and deserve the benefit of the doubt.
I am also really good at telling you exactly what episodes/scenes the songs from the Friday Night Lights soundtrack albums are from. A dubious skill, to be sure, but who knows when that’ll win me a million dollars on a game show.
I had playlists for every song featured in Gossip Girl seasons 1, 2, and 3 that I listened to obsessively, so every now and then I’ll hear a song and immediately be able to declare THIS WAS ON AN EPISODE OF GOSSIP GIRL IN 2007.
It hasn’t proved useful… yet.
Ohhh I watched Gossip Girl for the first time in 2012 and I loved in all its outrageousness (well, then seasons 4 and onward got a little off the rails…) but long story short I would LOVE those playlists.
It’s been a long, tiring week in the library. Kind of week where you do good work but are exhausted. Oy, oy. And I have to come in for an hour tomorrow morning to do a research session with a class. Meanwhile the student workers and i have been venting frustration and tiredness with crafts and cat videoes. To do list for the weekend is getting out of control–I just started using HabitRPG so we’ll see if that helps a little. Maybe? And I ordered one of those Erin Conden Life Planners. I have hope that one day I will be more together than I currently am (or at least have a cleaner house).
I am good with random trivia and sometimes that makes people happy. I like that. I am also finding out that I like helping people (which is good for a librarian) but that’s something that I didn’t know about myself since in general I don’t like people (they make me tired and most of them are annoying). But I like helping students find information and figure out the computers.
I cannot hold a grudge to save my life. Even when I want to. But I think that’s one of my best qualities.
In other news, my mister (who I have been with – in increasing levels of withness – since November) said last night that if I wanted to stop using birth control cause it’s funking me up, that would be ok with him since we’re still using condoms and if I got pregnant it wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. And I’ve had trouble breathing ever since. Since I first met him, my little voice inside says ‘this one” but still – yikes!
Same here! Sometimes I think I have too much serotonin (is that the good feeling one?) or something. Even when I want to be mad or upset I just kind of… level out? It’s like trying to hold something buoyant under water.
Yes, this is exactly how I feel! And sometimes I wonder if it’s affecting my thought process in other ways – creativity, etc – but at the same time I really really enjoy being so level-headed, even if its not *entirely* natural. My PMDD used to be so bad that I’d go off on hysterical crying jags for 6+ hours if someone looked at me the wrong way. And I do not want to have a baby any time soon (maybe ever, but I’m not certain about that yet) and so…I don’t know. It’s a debate I have with myself sometimes.
Y’all I think this is a GREAT quality to have. I hold onto way too much stuff (sometimes forgive, never forget, yadda yadda Taurus yadda), and worry that one) it is poisoning me and two) it makes me disingenuous? Also most of the time it isn’t worth it.
Any advice on the whole not carrying an axe/stalactite on my shoulder?
Honestly, I just don’t care enough. I’m certainly not all loving and peaceful about it. It’s more that I just can’t be bothered to keep thinking about those people/interactions/upsets.
Related, I have a 48 hour rule in my relationships. If I’m upset about something, I give myself 48 hours to say something about it and if I don’t, I have to let it go. Good for not starting fights about dumb stuff or holding on to old resentments (cause I knew when it was my chance to speak up and I accept that I chose not to).
I know this feeling you are speaking of. Except the babies part, that’s gonna be a negative for me.
My job requires a lot of travel most days, so usually I get up and drive over to a meeting place and catch a company van from there. This morning I got over there before my scheduled meet time at 3:30 and waited very patiently with a coworker for over an hour before we decided that we’d been forgotten. I suspect it was a very poorly communicated schedule change because I found a confusing automated e-mail from the company’s scheduling software sitting in my inbox when I got home, but who knows? I haven’t gotten any calls or texts or e-mails or anything about it from my managers. And now I’m a bit grouchy because I’ve never missed a scheduled day before and I really could’ve used the hours today. I’m also a bit paranoid because I’m still pretty new and not the most productive employee yet, so I was really hanging on to that ‘always shows up’ thing as proof that I’m not completely terrible at my job.
So a good thing about me is that when I say I’m gonna be somewhere, I’ll be there unless I just really truly can’t manage. Even at 3:30 AM on a Friday.
But a debacle this morning doesn’t mean that my weekend’s gonna turn out terrible, right? Right??
It sounds like this is someone else’s embarrassing error, not remotely yours, so it shouldn’t affect how your employers and co-workers view you at all, unless it’s for the better.
You were where you were supposed to be; someone screwed up and inconvenienced you, but you handled it calmly and professionally, right? GOOD WORK, YOU. I’m sorry you had such a rough morning.
Ah, you said just what I needed to hear. Thank you. 🙂
To be honest, I don’t know why I’m at all worried. The company is shorthanded as it is and it takes some serious effort to get fired for anything short of stealing. I work with a couple who’ve both ‘accidentally’ missed work (and then ignored multiple calls asking where they were) four times in the last five weeks and they’re still employed, so I’m practically a model employee in comparison even. But I also excel at being anxious!
Plus, it turned out that my being home meant that I could answer a call about an interview for another job that, while far from a dream position, doesn’t require getting up at 2:30 AM and driving for hours to work, so secret bonus!
That sounds AWFUL. But I think it means your weekend has an extra day now, so your weekend is totally going to rule!
I was just all mentally prepared for work today, so I did all my errands and catching-up stuff yesterday when I wasn’t scheduled to work. I wasn’t ready for a free Friday!
There are worse things to do than sit and refresh The Toast all day, I suppose…
This is what happens when I drink coffee and start thinking about what makes me good and end up trying to define myself: I’m some kind of punk and I think if I had to choose a philosophy to adhere to it’d be secular humanism. I don’t think it’s too difficult to be consistently good to others. I think money/greed/hyper-capitalism and maybe ignorance has made it easier for people to be shitty to others and justify it. I hate bigotry and love tolerance. BRAGGART
I have pretty great hair, a lot of the time. Connie Britton and I are hair twins! Like, exact hair twins when she wears it curly.
Guys I’m going to Bulgaria by myself for a weekend in a few weeks and I am excited and very pleased with the idea. Has anyone been?!
hashtag jealous of your hair!
Plovdiv! Bulgarian sheep cheese! Bulgarian roses and rose perfume! Pear juice! Shopska salat! I haven’t been, only nearby, but I’m jealous! You’ll definitely eat well there. have fun—
Bah, I have been to Bulgaria! I did fieldwork and traveled there! I know this is late, but what do you want to know? I’ll say, now, immediately, that I highly recommend that you go to the mountains / eat loads of dairy products (if you can do dairy). But is there anything specific I can advise on?
Ah thanks! I haven’t done any research yet, so I don’t really have any specific questions. Is Sofia cool? I only have four nights, so I was thinking just Sofia and Plovdiv. Wise? And you best bet that I’m going to eat the SHIT out of some dairy products.
I like Sofia, though it’s not as pretty or well-preserved / restored as Plovdiv (not, then, as touristy as Plovdiv, either, though, for all of its fairly gorgeous well-preserved / restored-ness, Plovdiv doesn’t get so many tourists, which is a little bit sad). In Sofia, depending on what you’re into, I’d recommend, in particular the Alexander Nevsky cathedral, which is this gigantic testament to Bulgaria + Russia love from the 19th century, with these fantastic, art nouveau-y paintings inside; I think, in part, because it’s not in the BEST shape, it’s quite dark and atmospheric. Also, at least during the summer, old ladies sell wonderful needlework / knitted and crocheted things in the area, and they are really nice / the Bulgarian elderly have it quite rough (as is the case in a lot of Eastern Bloc countries), so I strongly recommend that you buy things that old people sell on the streets, in general. I’d also recommend that you check out the Rotunda of St. George, which is the oldest church (maybe also structure) in Sofia — something Roman, then transformed into a church. And there’s a nice-ish little restaurant nearby, where you can sit outside and stare at the rotunda, too (not sure what the weather is like right now…). The above are for if you like looking at pretty things. The archaeological museum is pretty legit, too.
Plovdiv is, I think, kind of easy — it has all of these nice houses, basically, that have been restored — it has a nice, pretty monumental Roman theater, &c. One sort of pleasingly weird thing in Plovdiv is the Singing Fountain, which is this awful, concrete fountain that flashes lights and plays horrible music at night.
Let me add, though, a quick suggestion, though it might entail a change in your itinerary: go to Rila Monastery. It’s pretty easy to get there from Sofia, you can take a bus, and it’s amazingly beautiful — both the monastery and the mountains around. If you go to Rila, though, it’s a good bet to stay the night — I’m not sure if buses are frequent enough to make the ca. 2 1/2 hour trip (one-way) worth it, otherwise. But Rila is really beautiful — it’s a UNESCO heritage site, but, obviously, the majority of people who go there are pilgrimaging (in general, Bulgaria doesn’t get loads of tourists) — and you can either stay at the monastery or at a (fairly spartan) hotel not far from the monastery. IF you are remotely outdoorsy, I STRONGLY recommend that you take the fairly short hike to the cave of Ivan of Rila (Bulgaria’s favorite saint!), which is both super cool / super pretty / I think there’s some sort of thing where, if you can climb through, you’re not a sinner, and if you can’t, you are…? And supposedly this was how you were supposed to approach the monastery? This was one of my favorite things that I did in Bulgaria (the hike / Rila in general), and it’s just so easy to do from Sophia!
Re: dairy products, make sure you drink ayran (this salty yogurty beverage) / eat banitsa (this delicious cheesy pastry) for breakfast, at least once.
Sorry this is so long; I wish I could go back to Bulgaria!
I am strong as fuck right now! I have been doing yoga in the mornings to supplement my roller derby training, and at practices we have been doing all these ridiculous strength building exercises that are no fun at all while we’re doing them, but my legs are getting all muscling and I’ve been bounding upstairs and walking faster and I generally feel great.
Also I am attractive and good at trouble-shooting problems in web CMS’s and I am good enough at my finances now that in 20 days my credit cards will be paid off after over 4 years carrying a balance (plus I have an emergency fund consisting of 2 months pay).
Hooray, we are all great.
Whoa, you are kicking ass. Your to-done list is my to-do list.
Oh thank you! If you had told me even 4 years ago that I would feel physically strong or that I would be able to pay off my credit cards by learning to track my spending and then setting a budget and then actually sticking to it, I would not have believed either thing. When I first started roller derby (my main motivator to get strong) I cleared out my tiny savings account to make room on my credit cards to order my skates, so my journeys to physical fitness and financial responsibility began at the same time.
Next up: getting good at my job/figuring out what I want to do after this job/figuring out how to get there/figuring out how to keep a reasonably clean apartment.
Fuck Yes Strength Building!
Derby Toasties unite!
Has anyone read The Luminaries? Can you encourage me to keep reading it? I found it pretty engaging (in a slow-burning way) for the first half, but I’m finding myself with zero motivation to continue. This might be because I have reached my saturation point for books/movies/tv shows that are exclusively about flawed men, plus whores. I’m tired of excusing them on the basis of them being accurate, even critical reflections of genuinely masculine milieus/ the way women really were positioned in the New Zealand Gold Rush or impoverished 1990s Louisiana or whatever. Maybe I’ll just go read the Blue Castle again.
My policy on the flawed men, plus whores genre tends to be: yes, I’m sure it’s brilliant media and accurate in the sense that there are total asshole men in real life, but there is plenty of other brilliant media, and I avoid those men in real life for a reason.
I don’t know anything about that book in particular, though.
Nooo I just started it! I took the fact that it’s by a woman to mean that it wouldn’t be too flawed-man-and-whore-y, so that’s a shame to hear.
I’m reading it, but pretty much in the slowest way possible. As in, I keep starting and finishing other books instead of reading it. My whole book club has also requested an extension, so I think you and I are in good company.
And I’m RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I demanded that we read a book by a woman next in my book club, because the last few choices have been by men, but I’m like “ugh here we are obsessed with another man and his man-relationships and man-problems”. I picked up the Flamethrowers as an antidote without doing any research, and it’s the fucking same thing!
I read it a couple of months ago. I liked it a lot, but I didn’t love it. So take these reasons-to-finish as you will.
* Anna becomes increasingly central
* There’s more on two Chinese men, too, which is interesting, including some flashback scenes in China
* The novel as a whole takes a striking turn away from “historical exploration of Gold Rush society” toward … something else entirely.
* I think the writing improves over the course of the book, especially once you’re past all the tedium of the character sketches of the TWELVE DUDES.
* Maybe if we finish it we can petition Eleanor Catton to write her next book about TWELVE NON-DUDES.
Read the Blue Castle again. It’s a nice refresher between heavier reads.
Casually thumbs-uppin’ everybody’s nice things about themselves. I LOVE THE TOASTIES SO MUCH.
I am a good writer! Like, other people like my writing and say it made them feel things, and I have ideas for THREE separate novels, one of which isn’t even an adaptation or modernization or anything, and by god I’m going to write a novel.
Also I had a head cold all week but taking 100 milligrams of zinc for the first three days of it appears to have knocked it from “horrifying and gross” to “sniffly but otherwise okay”. And I managed to calmly resolve an issue with a friend instead of us having a huge fight and apologize for upsetting her without throwing myself into a downward spiral of self-hatred. And I have lots of plans with friends for the future, which is great. And while I didn’t get the job I interviewed for, I got the NICEST rejection letter of my life in which they said they’d tell me when their next opening happened and they’d put in a good word for me if I applied for anything else, AND another department asked for an interview. So while work has been stressy bullshit and I’ve been sleeping a lot it’s been a pretty good week all around!
The Toast is a wonderful community and it’s a lot of fun watching folks be kind and smart and creative with each other.
Self-affirmation: Other people’s feelings are very important to me, and being considerate is one of the things I try hardest at re: Being a Good Human.
You are such a kind person! And I’m loving your portraits – they keep getting better. <3 u, Figgie!
I’m getting really good at shuushing that part of my brain that says “You can’t do that,” when I see a project or an idea I want to try. It’s freeing up a lot of possibilities for me.
Also, I’m great at recommending good books. If you, you know, are looking for something to read.
And my hair looks great today.
YES.
What a wonderful prompt. I am charming and adventurous.
For real, though: this week, the day after receiving a rejection notification from one academic job, I received an offer for another, which I accepted. I am a real professor now, even though my PhD is still two months away. I could not be more thrilled with this new position, and I have seized every available opportunity to drink champagne (or, let’s be real, cava or prosecco. I’m still a grad student). I am really, really lucky.
Congratulations! That’s great news!
WOOOOOOOOOO CONGRATS! (Are you a classics person? The only time I’ve heard “double dative” used is in Latin class.)
Yes, I’m a classics person! Thanks for the congratulations!
Something nice about me: I throw very seriously good parties.
Related! I turn 30 in less than two weeks! And am throwing myself not one but two very good parties. I mean, they haven’t happened yet, but several people have laughed at my when I expressed the usual mild anxiety about them.
Unrelated: My grandmother and my step-grandmother are both dying. I’m feeling sad and a bit overwhelmed, especially about my grandmother (I don’t know my step-grandmother very well), but what is particularly hard is watching my mom and my step-mom in distress. And it’s bringing out the dead-seated, very old ugly in both of their families. Does anyone have any advice or insight?
I know there is never a good time to deal with death, but what awful timing! If the drama does not involve you directly, my advice is to stay as far away from it as possible. You have your own feelings to process, on top of a birthday to celebrate, and if your family is anything like mine, there is no way to mediate the situation. The best you can do is be there as a support for your mom and step-mom and make sure they know they are loved. And know that things will likely smoothe over when life settles down a bit.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday!
Thank you! For the advice and the well-wishes.
I mean, turning 30 is like a little death, right?
A good thing about me is that I have a macabre and inappropriate sense of humour.
Do nice things for your mom and stop-mom without being asked, especially simple things like offering them warm soup and warm foods to eat.
I think people often forget how deeply even adults mourn the death of their own mothers, even when the mothers in question are aged. Losing a mother is such a peculiar particular deep-rooted unsettling tragic thing, no matter what age one is.
Thank you. And you are so right. The thought of losing my mom makes me ill, and I can’t imagine what she is going through. I love her so, and I want to be there for her, but caretaking is a difficult thing in my family, and we go about it all fucked-up like. We love each other, but we’re better at parties then pain. Pain somehow is weakness in our family, so we hide it and circumvent it and fail to acknowledge it in ourselves and others (and translate it to anger and hardness). Accepting care feels a bit like failure so we DO NOT DO IT. So taking care of my mom is really hard. I keep just doing things like letting her take me out for dinner and drinking prosecco with her. And listening to her and being with her, which is important, but I could do more soup things.
My poor sweet mama pajama. Her relationship with her mom is all kinds of fucked up and fraught, and I think it’s particularly hard on her that she’s losing the possibility it will ever get better. I mean, my grandma is 98, so it’s not like there was really a realistic chance things would change, but it’s so final and terrible.
My grandmother is in a different city than us (over an international border), and we’ve been doing a lot of shuttling back and forth over the last weeks, my mom more than anyone. She’s there right now and I am going to be with her tomorrow, and what she wants of me is to let her take me shopping for clothes in between being at the hospital. Which feels terrible – oh god mom, I don’t need ANYTHING, let me make you some soup. But she doesn’t seem to want soup. She wants some glamour. (Which, ironically, is exactly like her mother.)
MY CAT HAS FLEAS AND POSSIBLY WORMS. I HAVE ANEMIA, VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY, AND MONO.
party party party
I have good hair while we’re at it
Oh, honey. I hope you feel better soon. Is it warm enough to lay out in the sun while noshing on iron-rich foods?
Oh ho ho this is not good, but the way you said it really made me laugh! So add “fucking hiarious” to your list of attributes!
My hair is falling out at a rapid pace, so good hair is very important in my mind!
I have an excellent memory (mostly for useless things) and otherwise am very speedy at finding out things I don’t know. I laugh a lot! I am trying to not to be self-conscious about this the way I used to, since I realized that I really love this quality in a hilarious friend of mine. I am a very good sounding board for friends who are trying to make big decisions. I feel like I’ve achieved the buff arms I’ve been dreaming about for years, and I have been told I have beautiful teeth.
Hi Toasties! I’m planning a trip to Sephora this weekend since I’m in the market for a new concealer, preferably one that covers dark under eye circles. Any suggestions as to what I should try? I have tried Benefit’s Boing, Laura Mercier, and Lancome Effacernes, which are all just ok. I could be expecting miracles, and maybe need to consume more water, less alcohol and sugar, and generally remove all happiness and coping mechanisms out of my life. I am a pragmatist, however. I’ve heard many good things about YSL touche eclat (which I know is not, strictly speaking, a concealer), Amazonian concealer and Cle de Peau. Any comments? Recommendations? I’d love to hear them.
I rarely wear anything, but have found myself really liking Tarte products. Their BB is my favorite, hands down.
I have severe undereye circles (genetic, can’t do anything about it) and I found the best thing is to use foundation + moisturizer. So what I do is put a light moisturizer on under my eyes and then immediately pat on foundation (I like the make up forever hd foundations) and it covers fully without creasing or drying out my eyes. If you want a one step process I recommend benefits fakeup, it’s amazing but I feel like you don’t get enough product in the tube to make it worthwhile.
Touch éclat is awesome, but it really depends on your budget. I’m not frugal with makeup at all – I LOVE Sephora – but even I won’t shell out for that product. It does a really beautiful job, but you don’t get nearly enough product to justify the price.
I lean most often towards Smashbox and Tarte, so I’d check those out!
Thanks for your input. I can never tell whether the raves for touche eclat et al. are mostly hype.
Touche eclat is really more of a highlighter, I haven’t found it works for undereye circles at all. BUT if you want a budget highlighter sometimes in the checkout aisle of Sephora they have mini tubes of benefit high beam and those are great!
I use a combination of Garnier’s under eye roller thing with my moisturizer and then Givenchy’s Mister Light Instant Light Corrective Pen which is expensive but seems to last me a good long while (and is available at Sephora). RuPaul’s Drag Race inspired me to first put the product on under my eyes, then not touch it for a minute or two while applying something else (eyeshadow primer, etc.) and THEN rubbing it in. Seems to get better coverage that way.
If you are wanting to try to touche eclat, but put off by the price, I was reading old “how to be a girl” posts yesterday and in one comment thread (it was on a post about dark eye circles in particular) one commentator recommend a drug store brand that had a similar product that was every bit as good! Of course I can’t remember what it was, but it was also in a gold tube! Maybe you have mad goggle skills?
I love hearing these awesome things about Toasties! Without trying to be too Kumbaya here, it feels like we could become a superthread ouroboros of positivity, which I could totally use right now.
Something I think is positive about me is that I am a fucking go-getter. I don’t think it fully dawned on me until I did a mental checklist of the things I’ve wanted to do/become over the years. The odds have sometimes been in my favor, and other times they haven’t, but as a latina woman, I have the ambition to do something that I enjoy, and hopefully becoming a person who makes it easier for, or inspires the next person to say “Hey…she’s doing that, and she started from scratch- so can I”. So that is a thing I am starting to appreciate 🙂
Also, I’m on my second vodka tonic in an hour so ANYTHING GOES!
Awesome things about Toasties is great! I have clicked the thumbs-up on basically every comment in this thread.
Keep drinking those vodka tonics for me, girl!
I GOTCHU COVERED!
Following on from the Hild discussions a couple of weeks ago, I think the Cranky Ladies of History crowdfunding project might be relevant to the interests of some Toasties. They are fundraising for an anthology of short (fiction) stories about varied and interesting historical women: http://www.pozible.com/project/178572
Positive thing: I issued today the work thing that has eaten most of my time so far this year, and I think it was pretty good.
Alright, it is something to be proud of: I give really good head.
FUCK YES.
Positive thing about me: I’m good at cooking and I love sharing food with friends. This combination leads to a lot of happy and well-fed friends. I also like to make people feel at home when they’re in my apartment, so everyone who comes over always feels comfortable and safe and happy.
Cooking for friends is the BEST.
I am somewhere sunny and warm for a few precious days, and it is heavenly. I’m also taunting people back home with how warm I am and everything I’m eating, but I’m buying them presents, so I’m allowed, right?
I take responsibility for my actions and mistakes. I am also pretty aware/honest of my weaknesses, both personally and professionally, and either let better-equipped people handle things or actually work to improve, even if it’s hard and I don’t want to. I also know that just because I personally am not good at something or don’t like it, doesn’t make it less important/worthwhile. These are boring things, but in my current work, I’m realizing that there are actually lots of people who don’t think that way and create havoc for everyone else.
I’m also a pretty kickass baker and can make people laugh in most (appropriate) situations, which really helps deal with the above!
You all are awesome, and I would love a Philly Toast meetup if Philly toasties exist!
There is a Philly hairpin group that I met some lovely girls from. The group has morphed into the-toast group anyways.
I make excellent sangria.
I re-read books.
I am either a good boss or a scary one because my staff just gave my some great birthday gifts.
My birthday is International Women’s Day. It doesn’t get better than that.
Happy brithday!! Also, do you have tips for being scary/good boss? I think I am falling into the fun boss who lets stuff slide too much and I want to nip that in the bud.
Everyone is talking about how great they are at cooking and baking, I just wanna have you all over for a giant potluck!
Positivity: I moved to a new city basically on a whim, knowing a few people but not super well and without work lined up or anything. Now I have a job that is teaching me lots even though it’s not always enjoyable, a bunch of friends that I like a lot, a sweetie who made me fried plantains for breakfast today, a working knowledge of and love for a city I always wanted to live in, and am feeling pretty keyed into the scene here in general. I made it work all by myself!
thats AMAZING 🙂 + plantains! You are Living Your Best Life !
Way to go!
Also, I would totally do that but I imagine we are not near each other. I just want to feed people! And teach people to cook and bake!
OH, how did I not mention that I’m great because this week I PLANNED A WEEK VACATION IN PERU IN 7 DAYS
do you know the things you have to do to get tickets for Manchu Pichu from the Peruvian government? *narrows eyes* Do not ask.
!!! drink all the pisco!! and buenas viajes!
Oh, I’m so jealous! Have an amazing time — and awesome that you did with a week to spare!
Well, 2 days to spare since we leave on SUNDAY (what am i doing what is my life)
What a wonderful thing to ask. Good things: I’m going to plant some leek and flower seeds today even though I want to move, so if it doesn’t happen I’ve got a garden to tend. I resurrected a piece of fiction I was stuck on, pulled out two characters and wrote them a steamy hookup which I submitted to an erotica anthology this a.m. for fun. It’s always tenuous, but my compass needle tends to return to hope.
Oh this is nice! I have proven to myself that I can become very good in things I initially had no experience in- namely, theater carpentry! I went from not knowing how to use a screwdriver to leading the set construction of my college’s main undergrad play in less than a year. I can cut things into bits and screw them together like a motherfucker. And then screw them back together, when actors trip over them.
I also have pretty eyes and can make a mean key lime pie.
Well, today I had to sit through a meeting that was like a YouTube comment section come to life, and it was hilarious, if you find that kind of thing funny.
Also, I just bought tickets to Forecastle Fest so now I know that I will be seeing Outkast and the Replacements this summer. Really, anything’s bearable now.
Oh, and I am very hard to fluster. That’s my nice thing.
BOSTON TOASTIES! Anyone want to hang out this weekend?
I have excellent taste in eyeglasses.
I should probably point out those two sentences were unrelated in my mind, though I suppose if you wanted me to help you pick out glasses, I would not refuse that invitation.
I DO except I don’t have time this weekend (unless you’re going to be at the Helen Oyeyemi reading that I was going to try to make time for on Saturday). But I have definitely been thinking it is long past time for another meet-up.
OK! Next time then!
Hi Toasties!
I have big bright brown eyes and I’m a pretty hilarious human.
I am looking for a pair of brown leather loafers and/or Oxfords.. does anyone have any recommendations? I’m having trouble finding a pair I like.
I own a pair of Frye’s Erin Oxfords and love them (although they are expensive).
Bass Weejun’s are classics, if you’re into the penny loafer-type of loafer, and I’m a big big fan of the classic grown leather Sperry Top Siders (for more casual loafing days).
Are you in the UK, or going there? I have an eight year old pair of brown leather oxfords (on my feet right now!) from Office and they are just so great. I think they were maybe 35 pounds, and have handled resoling twice.
Coming up with something positive to say about myself in general makes me uncomfortable (let’s not analyze why), so I’m going to stick to what I’m proud of right this instant: though my co-workers are 92% male and all exhibit sexism, racism, and homophobia on a daily basis, they have made the mistake of asking me to make a chart for all the higher-ups, and I am making it RAINBOW.
I just learned how to knit and made a scarf for a friend and she loved it! Also I just went snowboarding for the first time and I did ok even though I fucked up my wrist. I tried something out of my comfort zone and survived!
Ahhh! I met Mallory this week in real life. She liked my eyebrows. I died.
We drank a lot of tea.
My week was super weird, and now I want sxsw to be over really bad.
I think the best thing I can muster up is that it was NOT my fault I got fired yesterday, my boss is a terrible communicator and acts on the spur of the moment and I want her to come back begging so I can tell her I would rather step on lego.
Okay I will try it again.
I am very funny and I read very fast and I’m a good writer.
My dad gave me a lovely speech yesterday (he took me out for coffee and a donut after my firing) about how you have to be your own champion and the world is so keen to point out your faults that you don’t have to and, in fact, you shouldn’t. And that nobody should be defined by their faults except, I quote, ‘fucking Adolf Hitler’. It was very heartening.
Oh no! Getting fired is the worst. Your dad sounds swell, and also correct.
Yeah, it really is the worst augh. Yesterday I was a mess but I spent it with netflix and my dad and junk food and now I’m doing basically the same thing today and hanging out with friends tonight so. I’m glad for the free time?
What a wonderful dad. Bless him
I was really surprised that he was so supportive since he’s actually dating my ex-boss. But he said he was always on his family’s side and then I cried.
Your dad sounds amazing ! That is great advice that I hope you don’t mind if borrow? And honestly, working for terrible people can feel like the 6th cycle in HELL so no matter how you got out of there, YOU GOT OUT OF THERE and crazy boss person has to live with herself 24/7 so she is probably suffering tremendously already.
One reason I’m so hurt by being fired is that I actually liked my job and my boss and she didn’t give me any indication that I was doing things wrong or that I had crossed any lines I shouldn’t until yesterday, when she just sent me on my way with no warning. I knew she could be a little impulsive, but I didn’t think it would get pointed at me in that way!
Boo-urns to your ex-boss. Boo-urns, I say!
(Also, unrelatedly: hi from someone who knows you outside the internet! I’ve noticed you were also commenting here once or twice before, but always when your comments were like three days old, and it felt weird to reply to such old comments just to say hi. But then it was weirder to never say hi. So I am jumping on this chance.)
I know! Ugh she sucks. >:(
(and yes, I was kind of doing the same thing /).(\ I saw you! I wasn’t sure what to say or if you wanted me to acknowledge your existence! So hi yes good to see you ’round these parts)
Getting fired sucks. You soooo did not deserve this. In future job interviews, you can confidently assert you have experience managing impulsive coworkers. Then tell your favorite story about that glassbowl. (No need to mention it was a supervisor.)
Nice things: I have a nice speaking voice, I am a good cook and a great baker, and since I studied and taught history and English and Geography I know so much useless trivia about old timey stuff that my kids call me from trivia night at the bar; I am a lifeline. I’m good with small children and pets. I can read really fast. I make baby quilts for friends who have babies.
Even though I write technical manuals in my “paying job”, I was thrilled to death to have my non-technical work published in the Toast.
late to the game, but waiting on an interview for ye olde Master’s degree project to call me back.
Um, I rock short-hair pretty hard? I’m fiercely loyal (which becomes a problem sometimes)? I’m not afraid to talk about sex and want to make sure other people aren’t afraid of it while recognizing privacy is really important. I’m a badass big sister who would do anything for her often too-smarty-britches little brother, even when it means not having the best boundaries. And I have been known to be a good bar conversator. Oh, and I love getting people (especially marginalized non-white dudes) on bicycles!
What a lovely open thread!
I am formidably good at 90s pop culture trivia, and recognizing actors and faces. I also bake excellent cakes. Also I will (almost) always go out of my way to give rides to my friends.
In other news I got new glasses in the mail today and I’m not sure about them yet. My boss notices everything and usually asks/compliments about it, but he hasn’t said anything about them which is making me worry that he noticed but doesn’t like them so isn’t saying anything.
I turned 40 this week and Mr Pi threw me an awesome bday party and lots of people said nice things about me! It was lovely! I won’t repeat all of them here, but I will say a new nice thing about myself: I am heading up a HUGE, TIME-CONSUMING, SOUL-EATING project for my little UU church, and I am totally killing it. GO ME.
Before I go home (I love you, Friday) I am going to pop in and say that I have nice hair (and I love my current haircut) and I am a good writer! Also a good designer! I make books pretty.
ohno it’s five I have to abandon office.
Nice things about me: I volunteer for stuff. Also, I am starting to get the hang of not volunteering for too much stuff. Expanding on that, I’m currently doing well at identifying things I want to change and then taking action to change those things. Other examples: I did good at speaking up about stuff at the dentist today and last week, I’ve been going to the gym semi-regularly, I’ve been improving my sleep schedule.
I’ve been so inspired by reading everyone’s good things about themselves that I thought it would be nice to write one too…and then as soon as I go to do it, the idea of writing those things about myself instantly seemed impossible. Not that I don’t like myself very much, but saying so seems so Not Done.
BUT I’m going to do it anyways, because I’m working very hard on speaking up for myself, even (especially) in everyday situations. That’s a thing I like about myself right there, actually: once I decide I’m going to do something, I’ll do it doggedly until I get it right. I’m super proud of how far I’ve come just this last year in being in touch with what I want and how I feel, and advocating for myself around that. It’s made my relationships with people so much deeper and more fulfilling.
On that note, I called my dad just to talk for the first time I can remember yesterday. I adore him and I know he loves me, but we’ve never been really close and only recently have I acknowledged how much that bums me out. It was SO NICE, you guys!
Anyone have any heartwarming family bonding stories they want to share? Let us continue to melt the Bartender’s icy soul!
I’ve always been pretty tight with my dad, he’s a very good egg. One time when I was in high school he caught me (I guess, we were a low rules house) leaving at 10pm on a school night to go to a punk rock show, and he gave me a can of beer and twenty bucks. I was walking distance, so it wasn’t a weird drunk driving thing at all.
We spent three weeks backpacking through Morocco together when I was 21 and it was really amazing. We went skiing on a mountain with a view of the Shara’s dunes, and surfing in the Atlantic. We also spent a lot of time trying to find beers, and ended up on one occasion drinking them inside a big hedge.
I have a way with visual metaphor. It often feels ham-fisted (my writing in general seems so cumbersome next to the deftness of a writer like Mallory) but it works more often than it fails. And despite all odds I still have gorgeous hair.
Oy, I have been buried in schoolwork for the last month and have maintained little online presence save for twitter – all my writing energy has been spent by the part of my brain distinguishing == operators from Equals() methods and so on. I owe so many people letters. I need to write something. The only thing coming naturally to me at the moment is an examination of Mass Effect’s crypto-fascist politics (been playing it to unwind) but there’s not much hope of that getting published anywhere.
Good news is, we have a kitten. Seems like the fam has settled on the name Namu, which I’m conflicted about – my first and best cat was Shamu, and Namu is the sibling of the whale Shamu. It feels like… well, Shamu was his own cat and Namu doesn’t need that kind of expectation, right? Even as he’s already a lap cat at 4 months. He and my manx Bob are the best of friends now, the other cat (whom I refer to as “other cat”) hates him, but he’s always been a dickhole.
Beyond that, a beautiful friend recently confessed an infatuation with me. I decide that I’m okay with being single at point in my life and all of a sudden I have several feminine suitors. I never believed people when they said that happens. We haven’t decided how we’ll proceed, if we proceed, but I’m not stressing about it.
also Mallory please grow your hair that long, thanks. xo John
GOOD THING:
I SAW VAMPIRE ACADEMY.
Do nice things for your mom and stop-mom without being asked, especially simple things like offering them warm soup and warm foods to eat.
I think people often forget how deeply even adults mourn the death of their own mothers, even when the mothers in question are aged. Losing a mother is such a peculiar particular deep-rooted unsettling tragic thing, no matter what age one is.
I am kind to animals. I’m good looking. I’m good at the boring parts of event planning and production. I’m good at many boring tasks, and a particular type of boring task (figuring out optimal bus routes, navigating bureaucracy) is especially fulfilling to me, which makes me a handy friend to have around. I’m very clever.
Next week, I find out the sex of my fetus, and I’m super excited for that, and also because I can definitely feel it moving around in there.
Also, if a household has enjoyed Lonesome Dove, but was unimpressed by the sequels/prequels, what’s the next logical step, audiobook wise?
I made a comic. It’s about the weird questions me and my girlfriend get since we are both women (gasp!) Even though we live in Canada it is still confusing for some people (mostly men) It is NSFW so I will just post a link. http://quinn-o-matic.tumblr.com/post/78892707736/…
I made a comic. It's about the weird questions me and my girlfriend get since we are both women (gasp!) Even though we live in Canada it is still confusing for some people (mostly men) It is NSFW so I will just post a link. http://quinn-o-matic.tumblr.com/post/78892707736/…
Ok I know you’re all off enjoying your weekend but hey let me share the joy that has been This Week.
For some cosmic reason, I had good luck with money!
Mon: My tax refund was sitting in my bank account! Only a week after filing!
Tues: I got an email from my old company saying I hadn’t cashed a paycheck from October so they’re going to mail me a new one!
Wed: (intermission)
Thurs: Grad school acceptance letter + TA-ship offer!
Fri: That 6-month review I was worried about a couple weeks ago ended with a raise!
I’m trying really hard not to think about how I just used up my yearly allotment of good fortune in 5 days.
I know this is crazy late so hopefully someone reads this!
I have a manager who just miscarried. I am trying to be as helpful as possible in getting shifts covered (the district manager is taking care of all this) but I do not know her that well and I was wondering what the etiquette is for this kind of horrible situation. It is not something where I feel comfortable offering food or other assistance but I did not know if there was any appropriate way to offer condolences? Or if my just trying to help out as much as I can is the best way I can be of help (I kind of think this might be best).
I’ve never dealt with a situation quite like this, but I think it’s hard to go wrong with a little note/card if you want to send condolences–just something like “I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” Since you’re not terribly close, just being helpful and proactive is probably very helpful on its own! You’re very sweet to be thinking of her and helping out however you can, and I’m sure she appreciates it.
Seconding the card. I think cards are nice because it’s nothing they have to react to directly and because they are a little physical reminder of support and kind thoughts.
I am/ am becoming or have done/ am doing pretty much all the awesome things that 10 year old me wanted to do/be. And 10 year old me had some pretty cool goals, so I’m rather pleased with myself.
Yeah … I spent far too much of yesterday evening indulging my John Thorton obsession. Last 15 minutes — so melty .. so wonderful .
Have you read/watched Wives and Daughters? The novel was unfinished, but the BBC adaption did put a lovely ending to it.
I am slow.. but I emailed you!