Grumpy Cat takes over Dr. Drew’s practice at the Pasadena Recovery Center, treating a group of troubled stars who are looking for hope, redemption, and just a little bit of quality snuggle-time. Grumpy’s severe demeanor certainly inspires his patients’ confidence, but will his unquenchable affection for cruel memes adversely influence his therapeutic efficacy? According to a lawsuit filed by an incensed Shia LaBeouf after this…
N.B. I am perfectly aware that "Modern Love" articles are carefully calibrated to create outrage in people such as myself. Personally, I think I do an admirable job ignoring them, as a general rule. I am, however, MERELY A HUMAN WOMAN, and you can only ask so much restraint of me. When I checked the home answering machine after my ferry commute across San Francisco Bay, there was a proposal of marriage from my…
Jesse Berney's previous work for The Toast can be found here. The Avengers is the best comic book movie of all time, and anyone who disagrees is a shill for the Batman-industrial complex. It introduced us to the greatest team of superheroes the big screen has ever seen, and then it sent them their separate ways. But they didn’t stop saving the world. In the three Marvel Cinematic Universe movies that have followed the…
Christian Brown's previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Yesterday, residents of Glenwood were surprised to find Bill Murray, star of Stripes, sitting on a park bench overlooking the East River and slowly weeping. He turned away all who would comfort him for the entire day. As soon as the sun sank below the skyline at his back, he stood without a word and left. Local residents report that the bench
The sea is full of haters. Light cannot penetrate its depths after a few dozen feet, due to the unusual concentration of haters lurking just below the ocean's surface. The first humans crawled out of the sea ages ago because they knew that if they wanted to get anything done like legs or talking, they'd have to get away from the non-stop hating and criticism. So we got out of there pretty fast. HATERS OF…
Kitties and puppies should have comfortable feet. Four of them! Even on sexy Halloween night! Make sure their costume doesn't have heels that are too high—even if your cat has calico legs that go all the way up in her Katy Purry costume. Your cat can't say thank you for it, but if you move your cat's jaw and mumble "thank you," it is almost the same thing!
