Mallory is rightly never going to visit or acknowledge my presence or speak to me again and this site is disbanding because EVEN THOUGH (I am clutching at the thinnnnnnnnest of ethical straws here) even though when she said “how about, like, the 10th to the 16th?” I said “sure! our friend John will be here for the weekend part, but there’s another room” that’s not exactly the same as following up with “so, you know, on midnight on Thurs night/Fri morning, a tall, skinny wraith-like figure will begin rustling in the room next to yours and you will have no idea why so don’t be terrified and assume there are ghosts or sleepy murderers about!”
And my husband reminded me last night and I was all “oh, yeah, I’ll remind Mallory!” but did not. And he would have fallen on his sword for me if I had asked him to lie and say he hadn’t reminded me, but that would be untrue. He did remind me.
—this has been the last Will and Testament of Nicole Cliffe, Who Failed Her Once-Friend Mallory Ortberg, the Girl She Loved So Dear, and had Hoped to Remain Friends With for Years and Years and Years
Flavorwire found this short film of Shirley Jackson’s The Lottery.
Colin Powell’s 60 y/o selfie!
I should get the first lifeboat because I am in advertising:
Listen, let me educate you people. Any of you assholes ever heard of the “KIA Soul”? Dancing hamsters ring a bell? I brought the funky fresh flavors of hip hop together with the magic of CGI hamsters. And what did you get in return? Oh, I don’t know. A commercial that lives in your hearts and minds forever, free of charge. That’s the kind of genius you’re trying to throw away right here.
Immediate link to any story about Morgellons.
As a professional Jewish enthusiast, I would like to wish all actual Jews a happy Purim, and now here is a clip from For Your Consideration:
Also, St. Patrick’s Day, but I do not care about Irish-Americans or Irish-Canadians, of which I am one, I only like Irish-Irish people, who are delightful.
SHOWGIRLSSSS the long article
Modern Farmer has a lovely thing about Charlotte’s Web:
“I don’t know of any book for adults or children that has the Sword of Damocles hanging over it as much,” says Michael Sims, author of “The Story of Charlotte’s Web: E. B. White’s Eccentric Life in Nature and the Birth of an American Classic”. “I mean, mortality’s scythe is right there in the first sentence, ‘Where is papa going with that axe?’ It’s like Hitchcock.”
No joke, Kate Harding and I legit teared up over this cartoon.
Where are the black Chelsea Handlers?
