I am extra-freaking-out about the New York Times story about how all the gas lines in NYC are decaying, because I have a friend who works for ConEd who has been telling us this for ages and we’ve been all “riiiiiiiighht, like the whole city is just gonna explode and no one’s doing anything about it?” but clearly we owe her an apology.
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Oh, God, I judge exotic pet owners so hard, but then they seem so sad and fragile and kindly when interviewed:
Harrison feels empathy for wild animal owners, whose affection he so well understands. He loved his animals. He believed, as most owners do, that his animals loved him. He believed that having a thriving menagerie made him special. “But I was deluded,” he says. “I used to believe there was no animal I could not tame, no animal I was unable to train, and that any animal living under my roof was receiving the best of care.” The delusion, rooted in a deep desire to commune with wild animals, has lingered long after the beasts were gone. Every time he participates in a rescue he has to stop himself from taking the animal home. “I try to keep my contact with the animals I rescue to a minimum,” Harrison explains, “because my addiction can come back at a moment’s notice.”
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My houseguest and I had this intense, near-spiritual bonding session over our mutual love for Laurie Anderson’s “Strange Angels” album, can we talk about “Strange Angels” for a while?
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I love Jolie, as do we all, but this is actual sorcery and should be stopped. My mom does it, too. BURN HER.
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Apparently, some epic shit went down on The Good Wife last night? I don’t watch it, but I hate missing out on popular things. What happened?
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I’m currently working on my masterpiece, A Scholarly Monograph on Two Prominent Mystrade Fics, which will forever change how you feel about Mystrade fic and will also talk about the tendency to write Mycroft-the-Boyfriend as a non-vampiric Edward Cullen, but so that you have time to do the background reading, here is the first one, and here is the second one. The second one is gender-switched (Lestrade is a woman) but is also practically a real novel, and Rainbow Rowell and I have had serious, high-quality conversations about it, and she is a LEGIT PERSON.
The author never finished the first one (as you know from my List of Demands), so definitely know that before you emotionally commit to it? I have contacted her via her defunct Tumblr and offered to pay her cash money to finish it; if you know her IRL please ask her to email me, there is no upper limit to what I will pay her in order to receive closure. If you are the author of the gender-switched second fic, this offer is also good for you (wedding? honeymoon? moar crime-solving?) I will host it on The Toast and pay for it with my own money, not The Toast-money, because Mystrade fic is my Ronbledore, and I will never be silenced.
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where is the plane
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I adore The Morning News, but we have VERY different ideas about what one should panic over:
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Michelle Dean, who I think is pretty damn great, has been writing at Gawker for a ‘lil bit now, and you should read her stuff there.
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Everything is a nightmare:
Leena Chitnis, a former Fulbright scholar, finished an MBA program at Syracuse University last year and, while she looks for work, set up eight gigs on Fiverr to keep her going. So far, she’s completed a total of 27 orders and made $176. “I have $90,000 in school loans,” she says, “so when people say, can you edit my business plan for five bucks, I’m like, people charge $10,000 to write your business plan, and here I am editing it for four bucks [Fiverr takes 20% of every $5 fee]. I’ve seen panhandlers get more money outside of the 7-11.”
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
re: crumbling infrastructure, I have so many thoughts on this and how jesus, you know, you start with defunding services and that shit CREEPS UP and like how many times can you tell people you have to invest in some sort of future that isn’t self-serving and for right the hell now but nope, let’s just what shit fall to pieces so I’m going to sit here and grouch WHERE’S YOUR PRECIOUS PRIVATIZATION NOW????
(sorry urban planning/policy school rant over)(let’s be real I have no room to talk I live in Chicago where we’re going to be paying a parking meter company for like one hundred years)
The pipes may turn to dust and the streets will grow teeming with hockey-masked leather gangs battling amidst the ruins, but those parking meters will be spotless and God help you if you leave your hotrod made of garbage for ten minutes over the limit.
I wanted to post the link on my FB page and yell some more (I’m salty this morning) about just giving up and going Ayn Rand and putting out for John Galt and escaping teh poorz in the cave and realized I often talk about my not-asshole island (full of queerz and POC and my friends basically) and that I’m the lefty Ayn Rand.
On the other hand I get lots of ideas for dystopian novels based on how neoliberalization has destroyed social contract supporting public policy so grad school has been a wash I guess?
The neoliberal privatization champions in the US now are mostly the same bunch of people who tried the same thing out in Russia in the 90s to similar effect; so really less adult tantrum-throwing being justified by perpetual motion machines kinda sci-fi, more one of those novels about the evil bug aliens who travel from planet to planet stripping each of resources and life before moving on to the next.
KAIJU?????
ETA I just thought about the Coastal Wall and I realized that this is actually accurate, how did I not notice that Pacific Rim is vaguely anti-capitalist
Those wouldn’t be dystopian novels so much as “realist, of the zeitgeist” novels.
I’ll take All of America’s Bridges for $1,000, Alex.
(Incidentally, they’re replacing the gas main on my street in Brooklyn this week, so that’s timely.)
Transportation planner here, just so you know you have some solidarity. I am literally scraping money together to paint bridges. Not replace them, not rehabilitate them, PAINT them. Which, you know, is very important, from a maintenance perspective! But also important: bridges not falling down.
Also I totally forgot about the parking meter thing. UGH. That has got to be the worst. Any silver lining of increased transit use, at least? Eh? Eh? Ahhh, I got nuthin’.
Imma bow down! I wanted to be a transportation planner but I did not have the moxie. Sort of.
The best part is that Mayor Rahm was all: yo guys don’t riot, I got you free parking on Sunday, and now people are like WE DO NOT WANT FREE PARKING because apparently it ties up parking spots too long? And is bad for cylists and buses? (I do not buy this, but maybe it is true) because cars circling means congestion and I’m like you know what would make this better if driving was not like the end all be all of mode share 🙁
Planning wank I love youuuuuuu.
Have you read Jeff Speck’s Walkable City? Talks all about parking (and why pay parking can be the best choice, for the reasons you mentioned), among other things. It’s a good read if you’re pro-pedestrian!
Ashamed to say no, but maybe it will inspire me to not drop out of graduate school six weeks to graduation. JK JK.
And hell yas pro-pedestrian! I try not to be the obnoxious Portlandia “Bicycle Rights!” but considering I narrowly avoided being doored this morning I am not feeling super into vehicles right now.
Have you been to Davis? (California). When I went to Davis, I was a bicycle commuter because it was the easiest way to commute. I moved, I realized my new location was too dangerous to bike, I started grumbling at bicyclists not working with me in my lifelong quest to not commit vehicular manslaughter – and then I went back to Davis for a weekend. I was keeping an eye on a bicyclist who was not signaling and veering into my lane – and then he not signal veered himself onto a bike path and I realized my bicyclist concerns are ALL INFRASTRUCTURE.
I think the complaint about free parking is from business owners? Would-be customers can’t find parking because neighborhood residents are leaving their cars in metered parking areas all Sunday. I mean, I Ieft my car in a metered zone on Milwaukee for, like, five hours yesterday.
Also, the whole parking meter deal is probably bad conceptually, but I would be bothered less if the city hadn’t sold the lease for so cheap! Raising meters is a tax on car users, which I’m okay with. But the city shouldn’t be fire-saleing assets to fill operational deficits (OF COURSE).
Preach.
And yeah, I shouldn’t be surprised nobody is happy with anything, and I don’t drive, but I feel VERY squinty about customers not finding parking/congestion increases/lack of safety. I mean, they are probably all valid complaints, something just feels dodgy to me. Also I’m a jerk and if you can’t go to the Northface Store in LP, I DO NOT CARE. The Milwaukee thing is funny though because I got super pouty on Saturday when I couldn’t find workspace at Filter and thought to myself, grouch grouch free wifi means you just sit here with a cold cuppa and I WANT TO DO THAT.
(Y’all I’m sorry I’m just grouchy as sin this morning)
[giggling out loud]
This is why parking needs to cost lots of money!
ETA: also a transpo planner, hi other toastie planners!
Also a toastie planner, although not transportation (too much math, sorry), also 1,000% Our Crumbling Infrastructure Has Doomed Us All
Ah, Privatization: the worst aspects of capitalism (ruthless, profit-driven decision-making) AND socialism (no competition or accountability) bundled together in one fetid, corrupt package.
Speaking of crumbling infrastructure, a blue line train went up an escalator at O’Hare this morning! I know trains are great and people are garbage, but escalators are not for trains. The repairs are clearly not addressing everything and we are definitely all going to die.
YES. Also I’m sorry: “escalators are not for trains”. dying. Which is cool b/c we are all going to die. Also The Trib’s “breaking coverage” of it included snarky CTA worker sass when some dude was trying to run down to the platform being like I HAVE A FLIGHT TO CATCH and he was all LOL the train is derailed.
<sings Frank Sinatra>
Guys! I just learned that there is kind of a type of escalator that is for trains and it is called a FUNICULAR.
I know! I am super into Funiculars this year because I currently live in a city with one (not that it goes anywhere useful) and I visited a city that had one that was actually useful for going places. It was especially exciting because I was sent a Flat Stanley by a family friend and under the “modes of transportation taken” I was able to put funicular.
Doesn’t happen to be the World’s Steepest Vehicular Inclined Plane, does it?
“I know trains are great and people are garbage, but escalators are not for trains. ”
This is a perfect sentence.
Good morning, I don’t want to explode!
Love the utilities attitude: Nice city you have here. Be a shame if something happened to it
My mess of a cousin (dropped out of high school, had three kids before 23, lives in a broken-down trailer near the river, her in-laws seriously eat road kill) recently inherited a large sum of money and has decided to spend it on buying a pet monkey. Not, you know, setting up a college fund for her children, going back to school herself, finally divorcing her terrible husband, nope. A capuchin monkey.
As her (very, very small) home already contains several pit bull rescues, numerous birds (few of which live in actual cages), and a RACCOON, I am already very concerned for this poor monkey. But she truly believe this monkey will finally cure her anxiety/depression, and has even gone of her medication because of this, and it’s all a big, sad mess.
Basically, I think it’s not great to have exotic animals as pets, and will soon have more evidence to support this belief, sigh.
It’s horrible, but I really want to know how this turns out.
My mother-in-law is pretty nouveau riche and has started collecting serval cats – I think she has five or six now, all in her pink suburban McMansion. She gives them all “African” names and claims they are domesticated, but she’s always covered in bruises and bite marks. I sort of hate them all and expect that she’ll be eaten one day, but they seem to provide her with some kind of happiness. I deeply don’t understand what she feels with these animals, and I see a lot of her in the NatGeo article. People are terrible.
She will surely be eaten, along with the people who insist that having wolf-hybrid dogs is a good idea.
IT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.
Can we talk about how there is a GODDAMN CAVE in Pennsylvania where all the US federal employee retirement applications are processed, ON PAPER, BY HAND? A CAVE.
I’ve finally found what I want to do with my life…
A+ employment opportunity for vampires
Yes my first reaction was ‘can … can I go work in the cave? I want to work in a cave.”
As someone who works in a windowless office full of cubicles, I’m not sure you want to work in a cave? Sunlight, etc? (Then again, maybe you do! Are you a vampire?)
I think windowless offices are horrible, but working in the LITERAL BOWELS OF THE EARTH would compensate somehow.
If for no other reason that resting in the knowledge that, in the event of nuclear attack, you and your files will be safe.
That is more of a perk than you might think – as a person who studied archive management SAVING THE FILES is pretty much the pinnacle of all my work-related endeavors.
Fair enough, then! Apparently the PA caves are filled with all sorts of stuff. (The true location of the Disney Vault, etc.)
Do I get my own stalactites? I would definitely trade my cubicle for some stalactites.
You mite!
Oh heavens, that is not even a pun. I am terrible.
Yup, this is close to my hometown and I have a number of friends/relatives who work there. I didn’t believe them when they told me. I still kind of don’t believe them, surely this is an elaborate hoax.
If I recall correctly, the Social Security Administration has tried to move from paper to electronic records once (or maybe even twice), spending millions of dollars on the effort before giving up.
They talk about that a bit in the article! When you’re a giant government institution, change is difficult and/or impossible.
My dad works for them and he’s now doing his work electronically, but I don’t know how widespread that is in the administration.
Also worth pointing out that the people that work in these situations are acutely aware of how ridiculous they are and how they could be solved, but usually have their hands tied. Because too often people talk about this stuff as if it’s evidence that government employees are lazy idiots or something.
Obviously not ever the employees’ fault! Something this huge and hugely busted needs change from the top.
I used to live in Kansas City and they had government offices that were down in caves too. I feel like working in a sunless cave + having a government job would be one of my circles of hell…
Those pet owners would TOTALLY fail the rescue questionnaire.
PS can we also talk about how Jaya and Matt KILLED IT last week and they were great and can we keep them?
YES PLEASE, last week was excellent!
Jaya and Matt are on a farm now where they have more space and can run free. I know you miss them, but they are happier on this farm. Yes, someday maybe we can go visit them, but it’s very far away, this farm. Very far away. Now, I’m going tp put some GAME OF THRONES on TV and then you’ll feel allllll better. I promise.
I am not in the right mental place to read that without tearing up. (I am, however, really enjoying the mental image of cartoon Matt frolicking around.)
Reminds me of my old dog Rocket. He belonged to my cousin for 10 years, but came to live with me when Cousin got a job requiring lots of travel. A couple of years after becoming My Dog at my rural home, I brought Rocket to Cousin’s baby shower. She loved seeing Rocket again. One of Cousin’s oldest friends saw Rocket and said “Oh, he looks just like Rocket”. I explained it was the very same dog. She exclaimed to Cousin: “When you said Rocket went to live in the woods, I thought you meant he died and you were too upset to talk about it!”
Ha! Yeah, it’s sort of unfortunate that all those parents afraid to tell their children about death have ruined the ability to actually take your dog to live in the country.
PARENT: We took Drogo to go live at your cousin’s house in the country.
KID: YOU MURDERED DROGO.
PARENT: No no no. Seriously, he’s at Cousin Jack’s right now.
KID: MURDERER.
PARENT: Here’s a photo Jack took of Drogo yester–
KID: PHOTOSHOPPER! LIAR! MURDERER! THRICE-DAMNED COWARD AND SOWER OF CHILDREN’S TEARS!
When my grandmother died our parents took her huge dog “to go live on a farm in the country with a bunch of kids to go run around and play with”. About a decade later my siblings and I found out that that was actually true. We had been assuming she had been put down the whole time.
My uncle’s dog bit the shit out of my cousin’s face. (He looks fine, he’s fine) and they sent the dog “to live on a farm”.
I found out that this was not a euphemism when the dog attacked the owner of said farm for bad dogs. THEN he got put down.
High Witch Martha Stewart taught me to fold fixed sheets with this method. (Remember when she had a show where she taught people how to do things?) Mine still always come out looking ballish though.
Let’s stop this folded fitted sheet nonsense once and for all. Them shits are supposed to be balled up in the back of a closet not all neat and tidy like the other sheets.
There is only one way to fold fitted sheets, which involves vaguely remembering something about putting your hands inside the fitted bits, folding them together, and then windmilling your arms around to bundle everything together before chucking it into the linen closet. FIN.
If they are folded up just like the flat sheets, how will I be able to tell which is which?? Flat sheets are flat, fitted are a fluffy stack of balled-up linen.
exactly. i want to be able to quickly compute FITTED SHEET when scanning the closet. because, although my folding is a mess my bed making is an exact science and the fitted sheet needs to be at the top of the clean sheet stack.
There was a very brief period, after my sister showed me twice in painstaking detail, when I could fold a fitted sheet so that it was casually indistinguishable from a flat sheet. I crowed in delight and pride…
… until the tenth time I unfurled what I thought was a flat sheet and it turned out to be fitted and I had to for goodness sake fold it back up. Now I fold my fitted sheets in the manner described above but without the precision my sister taught me, which means they’re tidy enough to stack but lumpy enough to identify at a glance.
Why do you people own sheets that need folding, why do you own more than one set of sheets for each bed? Unless your home harbors children or others who cannot control their effluent, of course.
I understand the logical appeal of your position, but I’ve oftentimes had the desire to change the bed right now without also wanting to do laundry and wait for the sheets to come out of the dryer. Not all or even most of these occasions involve someone with a stomach bug, but when that happens, you really really see the value of multiple sheet sets.
But I’m with you this far: about half the time, my laundry model is “wash the sheets, put the sheets back on the bed.”
it also helps extend the time between trips to the laundromat/shared washer and dryer. This is how I justify my extensive wardrobe btw.
Was there a link? Link me, please! I’ve been wanting to learn this very thing.
Also, polyester-blend apparitions are not “sheets” sheets are only made if Egyptian cotton (it’s not the thread count that’s important, it’s the length of the cotton fibre) and if your feel your life lacks religion, real sheets are it.
Hi guys, maybe you saw me freaking out about it on Twitter, but there’s also a new Nickel Creek album if you’re into that: http://www.npr.org/2014/03/23/291138709/first-lis…
Oooh, thanks for the link! I hope I get to catch them on tour this time around!
YESSSSSS thanks for the link!
ahmahgah, I did not know. I will have to set aside some time tonight to cocoon myself in my bedsheets to listen to it.
That’s the appropriate reaction, right?
The Good Wife
D:
D:
D:
I am embarrassed to say I couldn’t fall asleep after since I was so wired up about it.
UGH I FEEL YOU
it’s extra horrible complaining about a death on tv because the Logical response is usually, well people die in real life, all the time, with even less closure, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT? STARE INTO THE VOID AND TEXT YOUR LOVED ONES A FINAL ‘I LOVE YOU’ BEFORE YOU GO TO BED BECAUSE YOU MAY NEVER WAKE UP. THIS IS POWERFUL WRITING.
like yeah ok but did you really have to
cc: SCANDAL, HANNIBAL, BLACKLIST, TEEN WOLF, PERSON OF INTEREST, possibly HIMYM?? all in the last week for fuck’s sake
I haven’t seen this new ep yet but based on watching the first four seasons, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be a fakeout? Judging from how a lot of the episodes seem to magically turn out OK.
of the good wife? nope, definitely real, definitely permanent (except for flashbacks in next week’s episode) [SPOILERS]
I am totally going to read that because I don’t mind being spoiled and also I’m in Canada so it will be on Netflix in approximately 3 years.
edit: NOT SURPRISED, it sort of makes sense. I had kind of hoped it would be one of the other main characters though.
I spent the first few seconds afterwards wondering if it had suddenly become the type of show that would have a secret twin/life model decoy/hologram twist, because they wouldn’t just kill him with no warning, right?
WAIT, PoI didn’t kill anybody in the last week, did it??? I FEEL LIKE I WOULD HAVE NOTICED THAT? Are you just referring to the Earlier Tragedy, or do you just mean general emotional wiredness? I spent most of the most recent episode clutching my face over Root and Shaw.
(With you on Hannibal, though. I AM DEVASTATED.)
augh i think that was me misreading a tweet or five- i thought POI had lost a main character not last week but 1-2 weeks ago? DON’T PANIC??
Well there was a loss (A TRAGIC LOSS OF NATIONAL PROPORTIONS) but I’m not sure exactly when anymore? I think maybe more than 2 weeks though? BUT NOT LAST WEEK. So I guess panic retroactively, I’M SO SORRY.
I JUST SAW IT.
My immediate reaction was: “Someone’s writers have been taking notes from Game of Thrones.”
I wondered how David Lee would handle the aftermath of the Red Wedding.
I do not watch TGW, but I am very familiar with this feeling (usually, for me, associated with Hannibal and Person of Interest), and see no reason to be embarrassed about it. I JUST RESPOND VERY PASSIONATELY TO ART, OKAY.
I LOVE FOLDING FITTED SHEETS. I love it. Except for these goddamn slippery polyester-blend sheets my mother-in-law gave us, I hate those slippery bastards so bad. Everything else, folding fitted sheets makes me delighted and pleased with order in the universe.
Cut them up and use them for halloween costumes. Screw polyester blends.
THEY’RE NOT EVEN WHITE. They’re butter yellow. I could be the worst ghost ever. The ghost of a daffodil. A pee-coloured ghost.
The Ghost of Christmas Peed-Upon.
Polyester sheets should be banned! they make you all hot and clammy. Cotton or linen is my preference. Plus, polyester pills, and I hate that
I have some crappy polyester sheets that I’m seriously considering turning into rags… life is too short to feel like you’re sleeping in a plastic bag.
Can you donate them to a shelter? I think polyester would make shitty rags.
Maybe! I assume Goodwill and the like have no desire for used bedlinens, but a shelter might. Not-great sheets are better than no sheets at all, I guess.
Yeah! My company works with a shelter that provides low-barrier transition housing, and they are happy to get any used linens in good condition. It is certainly where I send my mother-in-law linens.
I am really late replying to this, but most of my local thrift stores have used bedlinen sections.
Agreed. So satisfying to fold them perfectly the first time. I often stand there and lovingly stroke the lovely little pyramid of sheets and pillowcases. Aahhh…
Good morning and happy Monday, Toasties!
Who did something awesome this weekend?
(I learned to fold fitted sheets finally sort of last weekend).
I didn’t do it, but it was done for me: the beau’s dad fixed my dead central A/C, and I now have 2 years instead of 2 months to save the $4-5k for a replacement. Such a huge stress relief. Still reeling with gratitude.
Oh fantastic!!! That’s awesome. (I’m seriously jealous that it’s warm enough where you are to need A/C already).
OMFG, it’s horrible right now. It was 88F in the house over the weekend. I’ve done without A/C over the summer before, but /really/ don’t want to do it again. You take a cold shower, and towel off, and towel off, and towel off. The sweat never stops. And sleep? Forget about it.
Yes, I’m a spoiled princess baby, BUT I DON’T CARE.
I made a banana walnut chocolate chip cookie cake with a splash of bourbon (from this recipe).
It was meant to be my birthday cake, but it will not last until my actual birthday, which is tomorrow, because it is too delicious for this world.
I discovered and then binge-watched the entire first season of Orphan Black! It was delightful and I am in love with Tatiana Maslany.
I baked banana muffins and chocolate sugar cookies, and last weekend Mr. Polka Stripes made the mistake of saying he wanted to do something outdoorsy, so yesterday I dragged him along a little rail-trail not far from our place. We had a nice time, the whining before we left notwithstanding.
I watched almost the entire run of Blood Ties (investigators in Canada? Where one is a vampire? Ran on Lifetime?) which is cheesy but I still love.
Finally someone else who loves Blood Ties!
I admit that I might not love it as much if I didn’t already love the books it’s based on, but I do.
I wrote a film essay that made me cry a little bit, and I think it’s going to make some of you cry, too, and I AM THRILLED ABOUT THAT BECAUSE (as figwiggin pointed out on Twitter and I cannot gainsay her point) I AM A MONSTER.
I watched all of the first season of Justified as part of my quest to actually understand what’s going on whenever my dad switches on the latest episode.
It was a magical couple of days.
I spent some time sitting in Central Park on Saturday when it was [relatively] warm & sunny.
I went to see a friend play Romeo’s dad in a college theater production! (We are not in college anymore, but it’s a small school and the theater groups often rely on alumni to fill out larger casts.) It was very entertaining.
I met IceBergMama in REAL LIFE, which was pretty cool because she is amazing and her triplets are the most adorable humans in the entire world.
I landed, essentially, my dream job, which means I now have to pick up and move in ONE WEEK, AND decide on which grad school to go to within the next THREE weeks, all of which is sort of stressful but also amazing. And I get to move to NYC and be with my friends there! This is a very exciting time in my life.
15 MORE DAYS
Guys also we should maybe briefly talk about the flawless episode of Bob’s Burgers that was on last night
TEDDY <3
OH TEDDY <3 TEDDY FOREVER
Later, I was flipping through channels and landed on a re-run of Teddy’s Halloween Party episode where he’s dressed as a tiger and angry and sad and I just wanted to comfort him in the most auntly manner.
His immediate regret after throwing the bike into the ocean was amazing.
REBECCA MEAD RETWEETED A LINK TO MY ARTICLE LAST WEEK AND SAID IT WAS LOVELY
Then I died ten times and it was amazing best day of life ever I bow down to her
You are a monster for not providing a link to your article
LINK PLEASE
please link
link it
please sir may I have a link?
http://the-toast.net/2014/03/17/what-katy-did/
Well, of course she said it was lovely because YUP THAT’S TRUE.
(I find it pleasantly unsettling how hard it can be sometimes to connect authors to their commenter names. I think I’m accustomed to reading sites where authors’ bylines are linked directly to their commenting accounts.)
“Babydoll” (from Strange Angels) is the best song ever.
(Okay, I exaggerate. But it’s in my personal Top 10 of all time. Of course I don’t mean to imply that there are any *bad* songs on Strange Angels.)
That TaskRabbit/online temp-work article is horrifying. $1.94 an hour! No insurance, random cancellations, get canned if a crazy shutin “client” gives you a two-star review! The visionaries of the synergistic innovative tech (r)evolution seem terribly concerned with undercutting Bangladeshi sweatshops.
Also reminded me of the Bicycle Thief. :’O
I think Mallory should return to discover that the site has abruptly transformed into a Mystrade Tumblr, complete with alarming fanart.
She texted me last night to say “is that short for MYCROFT and LESTRADE OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU JUDGING YOU SO HARD”
I am the person who, on Twitter yesterday, thanked you for not leaving me alone in my weirdness/asked if I should read the epic Mystrade. In short, I affirm all of your choices.
As do I! I read At Least There’s the Football after the list of demands and then needed to reread The Least of All Possible Mistakes because I didn’t remember if Georgiana Lestrade had any siblings. Background reading complete!
Hear, hear! rageprufrock’s Georgiana Lestrade is one of my favorite versions of Lestrade, though the description of Mycroft as a “non-vampire Edward Cullen” is disturbingly accurate. But Lestrade!
She’s FORTY. She has SILVER LADY FOX HAIR. She tased Mycroft! Georgiana Lestrade for Prime Minister.
And she managed to slap Sherlock and punch her miserable excuse of a husband in the same evening! I am not generally a fan of violence, but that was immensely satisfying.
Not to pull you deeper into the world of fanfiction, but everything else written by rageprufrock is also delightful and worth reading. Come to the dark side, we have cookies!
I can never decide after reading a rageprufrock story for a fandom I’m not in if I would like the show or if I just love rageprufrock.
It is hard to tell. I loooooved her SGA fanfic but I don’t know if it was because the characters were the characters (I’m pretty sure they weren’t but never gave a damn?) or if it was just the funniest (and sometimes hottest) fanfic ever.
Oh the fandoms I have read for rageprufrock. Everytime I reread ‘Asunder’ I despair because I will never be able to write an unreliable narrator the way she does, and will therefore never amount to anything.
What kind of cookies? I might just have to start reading this stuff.
I read that one Mystrade (genderswitch) and it’s awesome fun. Highly recommended! (I probably got the link here, thank GOODNESS for this site!)
I’m not even a Mystrade shipper, or even a fan of the show anymore, but I still think that fic is one of the best I have ever read.
I had a wonderful long weekend and then came back to a pile of work and snippy emails pointing out minor errors. Now every new request from my coworkers feels like a shark trying to bite off one of my fingers. So, uh, happy Monday?
On a more positive note, I want to second the love for Jaya and Matt and propose they be assimilated into the Toast empire as soon as possible.
The plane tho– http://www.cnbc.com/id/101515489
Apparently it crashed into the Indian Ocean and there were no survivors 🙁
yeh that’s what he’d like you to think
The families found out via TEXT MESSAGE???
That is HORRIFICALLY INSENSITIVE
It’s so weird and simultaneously a no-brainer that they came to this conclusion, because it seems like they don’t have hard evidence to back it up; instead, they just decided that that’s what happened after so many days with no sign of the plane. Just seems a little bizarre.
Yeah, all they say is that this is the only possible conclusion but they don’t say why.
ETA: not trying to be a conspiracy-mongerer, but it is strange.
Ok, no blame allowed for being a “conspiracy mongerer” after the actual NEWS ESTABLISHMENT mongered conspiracy 24/7 for, like, WEEKS.
Can we talk about how there is just.so.much. Sherlock fanfic out there? I haven’t opened any physical books in weeks. My library must miss me.
I went way too deep with these two. So, having only ever read TWO FANFICS, I think it is best that I never read any others.
Nicole, I am an adult and responsible for my own actions but I did want to point out that it is all your fault that I can’t manage to develop any interest in reading anything else. You posted about the Slip of a Finger fanfic getting made into a youtube series and I was charmed by the 19-year-old director being so earnest and having a full set of braces and the next thing I knew I am obsessed and in too deep. This is all to say: Run! Save Yourselves!
I don’t get the Mycroft/Lestrade pairing at all, but I know if I read Nicole’s links, I will and my life will be ruined (because I do not have time for epic fanfiction right now, dammit!). I’m currently physically restraining myself from bookmarking those fics.
yes to all of this.
So maybe this isn’t the best place to point out that one of our own on The Toast wrote a short but delightfully filthy bit of Johnlock that I’ve read at least three times?
No it’s probably the best place to point that out and also to link it
Thanks to The Toast, I am now obsessed with Mystrade. How the hell did that happen? (Actually, I don’t care, I just want MOAR.)
It’s even more intense when you’re reading fic for what seems like jillions of fandoms. I mean, the Avengers/Marvel fandom alone generates SO MUCH STUFF.
Gang, who’s watching Hannibal? I watched Friday’s episode last night. So fucking good but also D:
During the last five minutes of the episode, I was covering my mouth with my hands and whispering “nononono”. The only other show to ever inspire this reaction in me was Breaking Bad, though during that show I would also throw in an occasional “Don’tdieJessedon’tdie”.
(Is this okay to post in the link roundup?)
Those last five minutes were brutal.
I was really upset by how careless Chilton and Bev were. ‘Oh, maybe Hannibal’s a bad guy after all, I’m going to LET HIM KNOW I’m looking into things.’ No, no, maybe keep that to yourselves.
I KNOW. Ugh, stupid, sexy Chilton and his ludicrous cane.
I hope next week is just one sweeping shot of Will playing with Winston at the river. I just want something happy for that poor guy. Maybe less seizures and eating people, you know?
DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS TUMBLR? http://willgrahamhasaniceday.tumblr.com/
YES IT IS THE BEST TUMBLR EVER
“Then he got takeout, which wasn’t people.”
the last five minutes + that. fucking. HONEYCOMB. (ohgodohgodohgod) meant that I was doing a lot of horrified whisper-screaming on Friday. hoooly shit no.
That final shot of Hannibal scrambling to shut off the lights will haunt my fucking dreams.
(But what does it say about me that this is the episode where I appreciated Mads’ hotness most acutely?)
Ugh, when she started spinning the honey of the combs? We usually watch “Hannibal” in uncharacteristic near-silence, but at that moment I barked out “OH NO SHE SELLS IT AT THE FARMER’S MARKET DOESN’T SHE OH GOD” because it seemed so perfectly in character. (I was glad to be wrong.)
Also, I had been planning to have a late-night treat of honey on buttered toast that night, but, um, no.
yeaaaaaaah. honestly, for me it wasn’t so much the honey as it was the shots of the… beehive in the dead dude’s head. ugh. HELLO, trypophobia 🙁
EMPTY EYE SOCKETS D:
Oh God, I do not know enough people who watch Hannibal in real life and I cannot LIVE with that ending. And what did she see down there? What?
I KNOW, the only people I know who watch it are tumblr friends! It is a surprisingly fun fandom.
What DID she see??? A tumblrite ventured that it was Abigail — alive or dead, I’m not sure, and I’m also not sure what would be more disturbing.
It really doesn’t seem to have taken off over here, although everyone’s gone mad for True Detective, whcih doesn’t seem like it hits nearly as many “beautiful costuming and female characters and attractive, fragile male leads” buttons for me!
I hadn’t even thought it could be Abigal, oh no! My idea was Georgia Madchen, but Abigail would be somehow worse. (I still like to believe she just lost an ear and fled to Europe, where she made friends with no serial killers.)
It can’t be George since she died in that fire in the hospital.
Abigail, though 🙁 I didn’t even think about that.
Damn, you’re right. I was thinking of that young FBI trainee, Jack’s protege, who lost an arm? Her name completely escapes me now.
Miriam Lass!
Of course! I worry for her.
OH MY GOD IF IT’S HER I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING
YOU WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING
I’m like 98% sure it has to be her. Right?
I asked myself “So, if I were a monster in a human suit, what would I keep in my cannibal surgery basement?” and the answer “Miriam Lass, it’s Miriam Lass, she’s been down there, all intravenous saline-and-glucose plumped, for THREE YEARS or however long it’s been since her disappearance” rose in serene majesty like the sun climbing over the horizon, so patient and certain.
… what? I said “if.”
Oh my gosh maybe that’s what Jack found out before he went to Hannibal’s house to murderously stab him in the head from that media res opening shot of this season’s first episode.
Jack also is a frequent dinner guest of Hannibal’s, which would also make it even more, you know, abjectly horrifying.
IS IT FRIDAY NIGHT YET
Attractive, fragile male leads, indeed. Hugh Dancy is so hot it’s crazy. I want to hug him but then also bone him? And play with his dogs with him? Relationship status with Will Graham: it’s complicated.
Yes to all this, but even more so, in that I also want him to go completely dark side for a little while.
The lady who does recaps over at Hey, Don’t Judge Me had a whole running joke/totally not a joke for the first season all about how we all just want to give Will Graham soup and blowies. (I think I recall a screenshot she captioned with “YOU CAN HAVE THE SOUP WHILE YOU GET THE BLOWIES I DON’T CARE,” she is hilarious.)
Nope, dead is definitely worse, I need Abigail alive like I need to be going to bed right now.
Fairly certain it was this.
YES
I know I know I knoooooooow that was my reaction too, and also earlier in the episode I made a bunch of awful strangled gasping noises – you know the scene I’m talking about.
Then I talked to my best friend about it for an hour and a half while getting drunk off my ass to deal with everything, and impulse-ordered these Hannibal-themed eyeshadows, so it was an eventful evening.
This season has been amazing.
OH MY GOD THE EYESHADOW
IT SHIPPED TODAY. BRB REFRESHING THE TRACKING PAGE EVERY FIVE SECONDS.
I have never been so excited about makeup.
I’d look like I was dying if I tried to wear Tattler, but MY GOD IS IT PRETTY.
My friend and I covered our eyes and also yelled, “NO NO NO,” but that was during a different part. I did yell “Nooooooooooo” at the end, though 🙁
I was also glad to hear how much Eddie Izzard’s American accent has improved.
Jolie is amazing (so say I and my three sparklingly clean bookshelves!), and if I’m going to trust my fitted sheet to anyone’s witchcraft it’ll be hers, but between the folding and the geometry involved and the background music the video quickly turned overwhelming and I had to retreat back to the safety of doing only what I know I can do, i.e. drink coffee and stare blankly at my to-do list.
Anyone watch Cosmos? <3 <3 <3
Can Neil deGrasse Tyson just hold a baby and explain things to me for a couple hours every day?
I’ve been loving Cosmos, except that it keeps inexplicably making me tear up? Like, I know I am a soft touch, I will cry at basically anything, but usually there has to be, like, an actual character experiencing emotions. But apparently I am also READY AND WILLING to cry over space probes.
YES! Me too! I had to go watch it by myself because I kept weeping and my family already makes fun of me because I cry every time I see someone on a screen cry. I am like Gus in Psych, I’m a sympathetic crier! But I guess Neil dT just makes me cry by existing and showing me awesome galaxies and babies.
I am ADORING Cosmos! It is the best and it is so pretty and Neil deGrasse Tyson is a lovely, wonderful human being. ALL THE GOOD WORDS FOR COSMOS.
I’m in bed watching the latest episode of Scandal, by the way, in what could be an advertisement for Working From Home.
I’m eating sad desk lunch in my windowless cubicle’d office, where do I sign up please.
I did that exact thing on Friday last week! I hope you are not coughing out your lungs like I was, but otherwise the same thing!
Also, SCANDAL. !!!11/1/!!!!
FLASHBACK DANCE SCENE
I watched Good Wife for lunch because I work from home and I can. Now I can’t stop crying. Stupid TV making me cry.
Once you have one exotic, it’s totally possible to become the Exotic Whisperer for the neighbourhood. People will leave them on your doorstep. You will end up with 23 constrictors, a bearded dragon, a ferret, a parrot, and two blue-tongued skinks.
The only relief will come in the form of the skinks, who can abruptly transform, overnight, into one quite fat blue-tongued skink with no warning and disturbingly little sound.
This sometimes saves on food bills.
Don’t go to art school. Do not ever go to art school. Learn about the fitted sheets and be happy instead.
Everything about this comment is amazing.
Did anyone else watch a LOT of college basketball this past week/weekend? I’m on an incredible sports high (UVA!!!!!!!!) and I want to share this with someone.
All of those bullshit sites piecemealing work need to be burned with fire. I’ve been a professional copywriter for years, and those rates are absolutely ridiculous. Well-established companies know that decent writing (not even good writing, just decent) is hard to come by these days, and are more than willing to pay real rates for quality.
Dude, you have convinced me – during my week off in April, I’m going to crack open a bottle of gin and really fucking commit to At Least There’s Football.
SPEAKING OF fics that I would totally commission Medici style, I read the story Sophiahelix linked to a couple weeks ago and it is the most beautiful, perfect thing I have ever read and I want it to be 500 000 words long. I am generally indifferent to real-life dudes and specifically disinterested in sportsball but now I caaaaaare so much.
My dad has walked me through that fitted sheet trick about 900,000 times since childhood and I still can’t make it work. I just crumple it into a ball because who cares if your sheets are wrinkly?
Also, I’m theoretically opposed to people keeping exotic pets or really any pets that they can’t provide an ideal home for, but deep down, I really, really want a monkey.
My monkey wouldn’t be dangerous and mistreated, no mine would be different. MY pet monkey would be awesome.
I have that thought process too: MY pet lion wouldn’t eat anyone! Nope, everything would turn out just fine! They’re so cute, it couldn’t possibly end in tragedy!
I have self-diagnosed Toxoplasmosis because I want to huggle lions. What is wrong with my brain?
I never fold sheets because there is one set of sheets that goes on the bed, and it goes straight from the dryer back on to the bed. I bet a pet monkey could be trained to make the bed, if not fold sheets.
oh my god I go on vacation for ONE WEEK and you turn into the late-stage howard hughes of mystrade fan fiction
I am so happy in this place I find myself in. I need neither food nor water nor human love.
A friend wrote a few mystrade fics I quite like: http://archiveofourown.org/series/58275
I can definitely sympathize with the pain of emotionally investing in a gigantic piece of fanfiction that turns out to be unfinished.
I love these fics so much! I was going to rec them if they weren’t already linked.
Oh yay, I’m glad you like them too! I don’t normally read any Sherlock fic at all but I became friends with the author and thought “well I should see what sort of stuff you write!” and hot damn am I glad I did.
okay I’m going to read them. also, in the tags, I see “hand jobs.”
Please report back! I’d love to know what you think.
Pairing names are an abomination, though, I will never see ‘Sabriel’ in a Supernatural fic description and not expect a crossover with the Abhorsen books.
…everything makes sense now. someone on my tumblr dash was going on about the ‘Sabriel ship’ and I was so confused. Sabriel and WHO?
I’m not alone!
Ugh, right?
The worst. What is so bad about just two names with a slash or an x between them? Is this so much to ask? (I will admit that the fact that portmanteaus for my #1 femslash ship, which is Root/Sameen Shaw, comes out to either Shoot or Raw, both of which would be surprisingly appropriate. BUT STILL, JE REFUSE.)
Hello, Toasties! I missed you! I have been bad about being online in general this past week because disease and crankiness forced me into my cave of hermitude and I only just peeked my head out this morning, really. Except Twitter, I’ve been sort-of-kind-of on Twitter.
I keep trying not to get TOO deep into the black hole of WHERE IS THE PLANE because it has proven itself to be a topic of infinite fascination and worry for me. Also, I am tired of basketball.
I not fold fitted sheets because they are satanic instruments, therefore I have NONE. I have flat sheets as the Goddess intended, and we do nice sharp envelope folds and the sheets fit just fine.
I wanted no ironing and folding etc in my wedding vows, but was denied by the patriarchy. My husband agreed in a private side agreement that those demands were implicit and understood.
Can someone explain the current plane situation to me? The satellite found debris (somewhere nowhere near that NWly direction over Sri Lanka where we thought), which search boats were unable to locate, and now they’ve declared the plane lost with no actual evidence? Have I got that right?
Has anyone heard the new Real Estate album yet? I think it is great, their music feels like warm summer evenings. Also, I am always pleased when I love an album and look it up on Pitchfork and it has a good review. It gives me the slightest reassurance of “good job Crouton, you’re still hip.. sort of.”
What the Frick I watched the whole sheet folding video and my brain CANNOT process how she gets those smooth corners seriously she’s current-day Hermione Granger its impossible NO NO NO NO NO
I am so in love with the first Mystrade fic. I spent HOURS with it this weekend and now we are deeply committed to each other.
So this post finally got me to sign up for an account because of how much I desperately love “The Least of All Possible Mistakes”. DAMMIT I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Please tell me every detail of your conversation with Rainbow Rowell about it?!
There is a deep intimacy to discussing Sherlock fanfic that I hesitate to breach.
Well that is certainly very noble of you and I respect it.
Can I just say I am so happy that Nicole picked two awesome Mystrade fics to talk about because I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THEM! And about how Mycroft is portrayed in fanfiction because it is SO INTERESTING! I feel like there’s several trope categories that fanfiction writers often put characters into, usually based more on fandom cues than canon, and it’s fun to spot them!
(I may have spent a fair amount of time over the past few years mulling what lady!Mycroft would be like and how she would have dealt with sexism in the workplace. lt would be really hard to improve upon the above fic’s lady!Lestrade although in my mind she is gay and plays rugby, and so outlines my femslash genderswapped Mystrade fic that will never get written as gloriously as it should be)
I *love* the portrayal of Anthea in There’s Always the Football, not least because they deal with the sexism issue plenty, and she’s unflappable and kickass at all times.
Have you tried contacting her on twitter? @sheffiesharpe. I finished the last part last night (sob!) and am feeling bereft. Looking back on her feed, it looks like she's demurred before, but that was awhile ago and without being offered unlimited cash money!