At present, I have several open tabs in my internet browser. I don’t know exactly how many because I tried to count and then when I scrolled left the tabs started to move very quickly, and I got confused and lost count. As a consequence of having so many tabs open, I never shut down my computer. I am persuaded that one day I’ll actually work through all of them. “Why don’t you just bookmark them?” I hear you ask? Uh, do you even have a computer? All that ever happens when you bookmark something is that you forget about it immediately.

Because my computer is always on, it freezes and needs to be forcibly shut down a lot. (In fact, it happened while I was writing this.) Also, while I’m watching Netflix, my computer whirs and since it’s not that old I feel like that means it needs a break. BUT I CAN’T GIVE IT A BREAK.

So, here’s a list of all my open tabs, from oldest to newest, each annotated with tidbits like my reason for being interested in it or why I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Enjoy!

1. “Stories of Extinction” by Tim Flannery, The Monthly. This is a March review of three books from an Australian magazine. I guess I’m surprised that it’s only from March and not from, like, September 2013. I know exactly why I haven’t read this. When is a good time to read about extinction? Never. But I feel like I should. Urgh. It’s only 2800 words though – I’mma read it now.
2. New-York Historical Society | Bill Cunningham: Facades. Oh, a reminder to myself to go to this exhibition. I’m pretty bad at going to galleries and museums, and this will cost $18. I love Bill Cunningham, but I love his present-day photography more than I think I’ll love the historical shots. I think I’ll skip it.
3. “The Women at the Top” by Marcia Angell, New York Review of Books. A review considering Alison Wolf’s The XX Factor, about women in upper-level jobs. I’m already seeing a pattern here in these ol’: long-form articles on worthy subjects linger in my tab graveyard while I flit about GOOP and, like, drugstore.com. This is actually a fascinating piece, and includes the line “nothing melts the hearts of fans more than a picture of, say, Seraphina Affleck in her daddy’s arms.”
4. Five Dials #31. I am a chronic underreader of this fantastic Hamish Hamilton promotional PDF magazine. Even this issue, which is very interesting to me personally because it features work by Lydia Davis, Zadie Smith, and Leanne Shapton, has languished in my browser for a month or so. And my computer has frozen and been restarted a couple of times so the PDF has opened on the first page and I can’t remember where I was up to. At 65 pages, Five Dials is almost too long for something that’s free. They’re giving me too much value! I can’t concentrate. I don’t have a printer, either, so I can’t print it out. What. Maybe I should send them some money and then I’d read it? Nah. I remember the poetry, by Rachael Allen, was really good, though.
5. Search results for “michaela mcguire”, Readings bookshop. My friend Michaela was in NYC recently from Australia, touring her Women of Letters event series. She has a new book about gambling coming out and I was checking whether it was available yet. It’s not out until June 2.
6. New Work – Digital and New Media Grant, Australia Council. The Australia Council is a government body that awards grants to Australian artists in certain categories. I think this is a newish grant, but now that I look at it I’m not eligible and I don’t have an idea anyway.
7. The Life and Death of Mountains, Brain Pickings. There is no website that I feel more guilty about not reading than Brain Pickings. It’s so worthy and seemingly accessible, and Maria Popova puts it together while she’s on the treadmill or something, doesn’t she? Anyway, I never seemed to be able to hit the stop button on my Usher playlist to watch this video. The narrator has a really sweet British accent, the kind that would convince you to let the speaker touch, like, one boob in the library. NB. When I finished watching this, I clicked on another video about whales; and so the cycle perpetuates itself.
8. “Shocks of Recognition” by Joyce Carol Oates, New York Review of Books. A review of Lorrie Moore’s Bark. A few months ago I was working on a review of Bark. Then I saw this and didn’t want to read it yet. Who is excited to read a review by Joyce Carol Oates of a book they’ve also reviewed? Nobody.
9. “The Engineering of the Chain Restaurant Menu” by Megan Garber, The Atlantic. Yeah boy. Menus are my favorite thing in the world. This is exactly the kind of long-form I like to read. It’s about food and has a super-interesting, corporations-focused angle, arguing that menus are essentially a marketing tool. Also contains the parenthetical sentences “So many choices! So many calories!” Yet I haven’t read it. No long-form for me. Who likes long-form? You? You guys are not real. 
10. “How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You: The Beyhive” by Rachel Kaadzi Ghansah, The Record. From March 17. One of the later Beyoncé thinkpieces. Even though it looked really good I saved it for later; even this Bey Bébé gets sick of the nonstop coveragé.
11. Embryolisse Lait-Crème Concentrate, 75ml, Net-A-Porter. I want a non-SPF moisturizer for night time, and this is one of those French products that beauty devotees enthuse about. But the name has “embryo” in it? I just don’t know.
12. “Sacred and Profane” by Malcolm Gladwell, The New Yorker. Triangulating “Malcolm Gladwell”, “religion”, and my hometown of Melbourne, Australia, which is mentioned in the fourth line, I figured I wanted to read this. But I don’t anymore. Close tab! That feels good.
13. United Bamboo Solid Oxford Shirt – Orange, United Bamboo. My wardrobe contains mostly shirts, so I don’t think I need another, but I really love the peachy color of this one. I also love the tiny green worm logo, and the shirt is on sale.
14. Applying for an E3 Visa and Looking For A Job, Embassy of the United States, Canberra, Australia. “Life administration, say no more,” is what you say to me at this point.
15. Woman by Common Projects Tournament Leather High high-tops, Totokaelo. I have two pairs of modestly-priced black leather high-tops already, but these shoes are really beautiful, made of sleek, seal-like leather I covet. Never will buy, but never 4get, hence stuck in the tab queue.
16. Brooklyn Circus “Delta News” Female Varsity jacket, Brooklyn Circus. In further news about garments I cannot afford, I discovered this gorgeous leather concoction way too late in the cold season to justify the $440 expense and now I fear I’ll forget about it if I just add it to my bookmarks. It’s navy and red, and badass. 
17. The Boss by Victoria Chang, The McSweeney’s Store. Usually there wouldn’t be that many potential book purchases lined up in my tabs, because I have a separate list for books I want to read. But this is a poetry collection and I thought I might need some extra prodding. I bought it after writing this.
18. “Go Poets” by Dan Chiasson, New York Review of Books. A review of collections by Michael Ruby, Nick Laird and Mary Jo Salter. I think it was National Poetry Month because I usually I don’t read much poetry. I’d been meaning to read Laird’s collection since it was published so I kept this review in tab limbo.
19. “On Style” by Susan Sontag. Some of my Rookie colleagues were having a Facebook discussion about reading Sontag. I clicked on this link and then did not feel like reevaluating my whole modus operandi as a writer or even evaluating my work at all. Nor do I now. Will I ever? The unexamined life is worth struggling through – that’s my motto.
20. “The Wolf Hunters of Wall Street” by Michael Lewis, New York Times. Argh, I remember this: a long, incredibly involving piece about a guy from the Bank of Toronto who noticed some strange quirks in the share market and went on to build a new exchange to overcome them. I got halfway then forgot about it, and I don’t have an NYT subscription, so I have to wait a couple of weeks to finish it because I’ve read my 10 free articles this month.
21. Physician’s Formula Organic Wear Bronzer, Natural Glow, drugstore.com. I think the makeup artist Lisa Eldridge recommended this in a tutorial she did about contouring your face using bronzer, but I don’t know how to contour yet.
22. Robert Clergerie Silver Glitter Siri Ankle Boots, Avenue 32. Robert Clergerie is having a bang-on shoe season. I wanna invest, and these chain-mailish boots looked like a good option for a while but I can’t get a sense of whether they might just look gross in real life.
23. hazelcills.com. Hazel always posts great songs on her tumblr. I should ask her to make me a mix because I can’t just keep this page open forever. 
24. Downtown Literary Festival Opening Hour, Housing Works bookshop. Well-meaning event research. I did not end up going to this.
25. “Overnight Sensation: 4 Crazy-Easy ‘Dos”, Refinery29. Wet-set hairdos that involve a lot of pins and hairspray and stuff. Did I attempt any of them? No.
26. Robert Clergerie Vicoleg Lace Ups, The Dreslyn. Past season Robert Clergeries that I’m trying to consider because they’re on sale, but I just prefer the current-season ones with a white sole. LIFE OH LIFE.
27. Robert Clergerie Poco Slip On, The Dreslyn. These are more like the ones I want, but maybe in black.
28. theplanthunter, Instagram. Meant to follow this account on my phone but forgot. 
29. “An Open Letter to My Sister, Miss Angela Davis” by James Baldwin, New York Review of Books. “One might have hoped that, by this hour, the very sight of chains on black flesh, or the very sight of chains, would be so intolerable a sight for the American people, and so unbearable a memory, that they would themselves spontaneously rise up and strike off the manacles. But, no, they appear to glory in their chains; now, more than ever, they appear to measure their safety in chains and corpses.”
30. The Realistic Joneses: Tickets. I haven’t seen any plays since I came to NYC and I would like to. This one stars Toni Collette and Michael C. Hall. Muriel and Dexter *heart-eyes emoji*. I have to wait until I get some money though.
31. “On the Trail with Wylie” by Lisa Hanawalt, Lucky Peach via Medium. Totally forgot about this! I’m reading it immediately. I love Hanawalt’s colorful, fun drawings, and she is a funny, funny person.
32. This Is A Medium Hair Spray, Davines. After I read the wet-set hairspray article, I asked my friends whether they would recommend any particular hairspray. Someone suggested this one, later sheepishly noting that it costs $29. I am unsure about what to do. I mean, crap hairspray would be bad. Should I just get the best hairspray? But then, $29.
33. “A brief survey of the short story: Jean Rhys” by Chris Power, The Guardian. I love short fiction and Jean Rhys but I have read a lot of short fiction lately. Also, apparently, Rhys’ stories are full of “doomed women in loveless relationships”, so wahhh.
34. Trend report SS14: Luxe Traveller, Net-A-Porter. Hahahahahaha. I love “travel” clothing. It’s always filmy kaftans and $$$ straw hats. I don’t like any of this stuff aesthetically but I looked at this themed selection anyway because I wanted to imagine going on vacation.
35. “The Most Trafficked Mammal You’ve Never Heard Of” by John D. Sutter, CNN. I actually finished reading this, so I don’t know why it’s here. Could be a hiccup from the many times my computer had to restart itself because I leave it on for weeks at a time.
36. Ffixxed jumpsuit, Stand Up Comedy. Arggghhhh I love this so much and it’s exactly what I want for spring and early summer; it’s on sale, too. But I’ve tried on some Ffixxed garments and I think I’d need a Medium, and they don’t have one in stock. So this is just memorializing. Wahhhhhh.
37. Google search: “ichor”. A friend linked to the meaning of this word in a Facebook conversation and then I Googled it so I could copy and paste a dictionary definition into my “Dictionary” Word document. Easily dealt with, but apparently not a priority.
    
38. Snacks Quarterly. A new publication about snacks that I want to explore.
39. Wikipedia entry: “Barbizon 63”. Ummm I think I had to look up the Barbizon after reading about it in an article about Little Edie. But didn’t close the tab. I need a tab janitor. Or maybe a brain janitor? This is pretty embarrassing.
40. Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg, Amazon. This is a book I want to read. I guess it hasn’t made it to my books list yet. Oops.
41. “25 Books Every Writer Should Read”, Flavorwire. FUCK. Do you know how long it takes to read 25 books? I’m too scared to actually go through this list. Shit, I haven’t read any of these books. Shit, shit. Oh, I’ve read two. That isn’t very many. Fuck.
42. My Amazon.com Shopping Cart. Contains two types of tea for a grand total of $44.77. What the shit kind of tea is this?? Why is it so expensive?? Oh, one of the types is peach flavored. My hairdresser gave it to me the last time I went to the salon, and it tasted really good. But it’s like, a dollar a teabag? I spent enough money on my hair that time without being drawn into expensive beverage habits as well. I don’t know. Oh my god. Should I actually buy this? Is this tea made of gold, etc.