473 Comments

  1. logicbutton +23

    What are some subtly misandry-themed cards I could add to my Cards Against Humanity set?

      2. literarysara +30

        CARDS AGAINST THE PATRIARCHY
        I think this could be a really stellar game! Were that I were craftier–I’d gather all our suggestions up and make a printable version. Here are my suggestions.
        Darth Vader boyfriend
        binders full of women
        shutting that whole thing down
        Strong Female Character
        telling women to smile
        humanist
        hewgogh rhymes-with-budweiser (but spelled properly because you can’t Google a card).
        reverse sexism
        evolutionary psychology
        objectivity

    3. grumblyqueer +20

      Tear-stained fedoras
      Devil’s Advocate
      Hobby Lobby arson
      Equality*
      Breeders
      OkCupid atheists
      That one time in college
      Brittney Griner’s dreads (off-topic? yes. Needed? always.)

      1. logicbutton +7

        For obvious reasons:

        Passable transvestites
        Toni Morrison’s vagina
        Two midgets shitting into a bucket
        A big, black dick
        A bigger, blacker dick
        The profoundly handicapped

        and a bunch of others

        1. LeastBittern +5

          We pulled all of those and a lot of the fat-phobic ones. “Scrubbing under the folds” “Feeding Rosie O’Donnell”.

          We had not pulled “Toni Morrison’s vagina” – but that’s something I think we should probably consider. We weren’t thinking well when we left it in.

      2. Just_a_Dinosaur +3

        I would actually love to hear more answers to this question. At the very least it would be good food for thought.

        1. LeastBittern +3

          We took out the ones that are directly hurtful to our friends – because “Hey, I observed that society thinks people who share this trait with you are garbage.” is not a message people need to be reminded of. (I learned this on the Toast, because the Toast is the best place.)

          We left in some questionable cards – about slavery, rape, and genocide – because (and I’m not sure this is defensible) we find it amusing to mock a society that defends that sort of thing. When we do this, it’s ESSENTIAL to play with Rando Cardrissian, because then you can sneer at a heartless combination and say “Must be fucking Rando.” Shame via comparing your friends to a random card generator

      3. blueblazes11 +8

        We haven’t culled any, because we are monsters. But I have noticed a pattern of what gets laughs and what doesn’t, which in my ultra-liberal gaming circle means that most of the cards logicbutton mentions are losers… well, except the big, black dick cards. Those can kill in the right hands.

        (That’s what she said.)

        (Shit. Making it worse.)

        1. laurenipsum +1

          Yeah, I have seen those two cards deployed to great effect (see me avoiding the “that’s what she said”!), while the others mentioned are just meh at best.

      4. Aunt_Agatha +16

        Interestingly, the creators of Cards against Humanity have recognized that they were assholes, apologized for it, and removed many offending cards. They’ve also added in awesome new cards like “the patriarchy” and “white privilege.”

        Meanwhile some, like “passable transvestites” and “date rape,” were pulled when the guys realized that kind of “humor” wasn’t actually very humorous.

        “It’s embarrassing to me that there was a time in my life that that was funny,” Temkin said.
        http://fusion.net/modern_life/story/cards-humanit…

    5. Knopesaurus +13

      I usually try to make the existing cards misandry-themed. Current favorite:
      The clitoris
      is a slippery slope that leads to
      a tribe of warrior women.

  2. fishesinthetwee +70

    I literally JUST created an account so I could leave my first comment here, which is that I can’t believe it’s only been a year–I stalk this site on the daily, the monks inventing art have actually ruined my life, this is the nicest crowd of commenters–what a good thing you guys are running here! Thank you and many wishes for continued success!

      1. fishesinthetwee +10

        Thank you, thank you. I’ve been resisting the urge to get an account because I feel like I could spend all the time in these comment threads, but the overwhelming urge to say THANKS FOR THE THING overwhelmed my self-control.

        Now I fear it’s going to be like, unleash the productivity-eating houuuuuunds, from here on out!

    2. eliana23 +15

      I worry that any time I am in a museum from now on, the monks will be with me softly whispering in my ear. Hopefully I won’t respond out loud, but who can really control such things.

      1. fishesinthetwee +20

        YEP. After a recent trip to Ireland where I almost ruined the entire Book of Kells exhibit with my Monk 1/Monk 2 dialogues, I can–I can tell you from personal experience that the monks will be with you, knowing things, painting things, inventing things. Yours is a valid fear, I validate it!

    3. Scared_Vagina +6

      Welcome! To mark the anniversary I am resolving to comment more, as I have not really joined in the conversations on here as much as I would like, although I interact with Twitter toasties on the regular. Love this place and want to be IN IT EVEN MORE.

  3. robot_dinosaur +62

    I raise my glass to The Toast, for today is my last day and I am moving on to a newer, better job, in Boston, and I do not know that I would have done it without you. You have been a grand influence and I love you all.

    1. robot_dinosaur +20

      Also, I must acknolwedge The Toast for supporting my love of trains; I will be in San Francisco this weekend!! after taking a trip on the Coast Starlight, and I am so excited.

    3. elsamac +6

      Happy last day! I hope your move goes swimmingly and gracefully, and that your new home welcomes you as you deserve.

      I am selfishly delighted that you’re going to be closer; I do hope we can meet one of these meet-up days.

    4. MuseKray +6

      Good luck on your move!
      I’m planning a big one for myself in a couple of months (!!) and the advice and encouragement I’ve received here is boosting my confidence.

      1. robot_dinosaur +1

        My best advice is put on your bravest face! It will probably be a lie but no one else has to know that!

    5. ArsenioB_Ham +9

      Congratulations on joining the ranks of the Boston Toasties, an elite group of fierce wymyn!

      Also on the new job. WoooO!

    6. CaroWR +5

      Congratulations!

      Boston kiiiiiind of smells like hot dog pee right now, and for that, we apologize.

    7. eleventysix +2

      YAY! Happy Last Day and Happy Moving On Day and may there always be both real and metaphorical trains to better places in your life 🙂

  4. sednarea51 +48

    NICOLE. MALLORY. You are both queens and Goddesses; may your reign be bright and unending.

    And another story from me re: the Toast’s excellent community- CleverManka, thank you for pushing me to see my doctor regarding my little digestive issue. I got a call yesterday and, uh, guess who’s got a C. difficile infection? (It’s me. Fuck!) BUT. Had I continued on my merry way, I might have been in deep, serious trouble; as it is, I’ll take high-test antibiotics for a few days and hopefully be OK.

    We watch out for each other here, in all kinds of different ways. I feel so fortunate that this site and its community exists.

    1. slowseptember +4

      C. diff! AUGH! My mom had a C. diff infection that went undiagnosed for seven weeks – that little bug can mess you up. :\ I hope you’re on the mend.

      1. sednarea51 +4

        ah, thank you so much! I’m feeling fine, which is the weird part, but good. Very grateful that my on-the-ball doctor picked up on a potential problem and insisted I have tests done. Hopefully this will be something that we caught /before/ it became awful.

    2. sednarea51 +16

      ALSO: What is your favorite creative outlet for misandry? After this week’s Supreme Court decision, I’ve decided I need to immortalize my love for Ruth Bader Ginsburg in either cross-stitch sampler or knitted/crocheted doll form.

        1. sednarea51 +4

          If this happens The Toast commentariat will be among the /very first/ to know.

      2. ThatOtherWench +10

        I love how easy cross-stitch is to customize, even by doodling on graph paper by hand. However, my love for that hobby has been held back by having so few actual *uses* for the pieces. There’s only so much space for pokemon-and-misandry-themed samplers around the home… and I’ve found even fewer for the perler beads. :\

        Toasties, what do you *do* with your completed misandry samplers?

        1. sednarea51 +3

          I have the same problem! I would love to do more cross-stitch and needlepoint, but like you say, there are only so many places you can hang something on the wall. I think this is why I started to move into crochet and knitting; I can design and craft, but there are more options for “useful” objects there.

        2. tubatoothpaste +14

          You can put cross-stitched pieces on throw pillows or on pillowcase borders or towel borders… how charming would that be: guest towels that say ~*~*~KILL ALL MEN ~*~*~

    3. logicbutton +21

      YES. A few weeks ago, the Toast open thread helped me in a very concrete, practical way. I feel so much stronger knowing that a community of such kind, knowledgeable, competent, hilarious people has my back.

      Or it could be the strength training. Probably both though.

    4. CleverManka +3

      Oh, I’m so happy to hear that you’re going to get some relief from your GI issues. Very glad to help. Take care and keep us posted!

    5. thisclimbingbean +1

      What good news (obviously the diagnosis and treatment, not the fact that you have an infection!) Get better soon, and I’m glad you took the advice to get checked out. Yay for supportive internet pals 🙂

  5. safvn +23

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOAST.

    I never thought I would have this kind of supportive, intelligent, funny community online. I feel so thankful for y’all.

    OPEN THREAD TOPIC for American Toastrons: Fourth of July baking/cooking/none of the above. What shall you create? Or what shall you instruct a Man to create while you lounge, glass of wine in hand, on a porch in the sun?

    1. Beakses +10

      Smug strawberry shortcake: Slice and macerate strawberries, bake biscuits with a touch of extra sugar, grab a can of whipped cream (made with real dairy, thanks). Pack the whole thing up, take to your local public fireworks, and eat with extreme smugness while everyone around you wonders where they can purchase such a wonder. Answer: they can’t.

      You can add blueberries if you must have a red white and blue theme, but they’re not really necessary.

      1. safvn +2

        Oh my gosh, whipped cream that isn’t made from real dairy is the bane of my existence, and I know how awful that sounds, but it is TRUE. I salute your smug strawberry shortcake.

      2. ThatOtherWench +4

        GTFO of my shortcakes, blueberries. You are a wonderful fruit with so many practical uses in my kitchen, but shortcake is not the place for you! You are supposed to be from a different part of the season than strawberries, even, wtf were you thinking?

      3. mbculver +4

        Last year I made homemade yellow sheet cake, frosted it with buttercream frosting from Amy Sedaris’ book (first ingredient: “one box of confectioner’s sugar”), and then added strawberries, blueberries and marshmallows to make an American flag cake. The head of our UK office was visiting, and I made him hold it for a prime photo op.

        I may make the same delicious cake this year; it’ll be delicious even without the humiliating photo op.

    2. sednarea51 +3

      I promised to bring potato salad to a friend’s place, so I’ll be making that tonight or tomorrow. I think I might need some patriotic baked goods at some point as well. 😀

      1. safvn +4

        That sounds lovely! If you server the potato salad in a red white and blue bowl it is almost exactly the same as a patriotic baked good.

    3. slowseptember +5

      Do you like GARLIC? If so, I made a Martha Stewart dip yesterday which was amazing.

          1. slowseptember +14

            Okay!

            First, roast some garlic. You need allegedly about half a cup of roasted garlic for the recipe as written – I used two whole heads because I am a fiend. Cut the top off of the garlic – about a quarter of the way down, so the cloves are exposed. Pour some olive oil on them and around them – Martha says to use a 9″ pan, we used a muffin tin, whatever floats yer boat. Then sprinkle with salt and pepper and thyme (didn’t have thyme, used parsley, tasted great – tarragon would too, apparently). Cover ’em in foil and roast for an hour, or don’t cover them in foil and roast for about 25-30 minutes (this was what I did as I really wanted chips).

            Once the garlic is roasted, squeeze the cloves into your food processor if you have one or your blender if you don’t. I don’t have a food processor so I used the blender. If you have a processor, process the garlic till smooth, then add 3 tablespoons of milk, a cup of sour cream and a cup of Greek yogurt. (I used light sour cream and nonfat Greek yogurt and it tasted great, I bet it would be good with full-fat too). Then stir in 1/3 cup of chopped chives and have little chive bits to top.
            If you’re blending, put the other stuff in before trying to blend the garlic as it doesn’t work very well without liquid. I added the oil from around the garlic heads, too. Once it’s smooth and dip-like, add 1/3 cup of chives (fresh is best) and do a couple pulses to mix them around. Chives on top, eat on EVERYTHING. (We had it with chips and then on baked potatoes last night). If it’s runny, sitting it in the fridge firmed ours up.

            Edited to say – this was for CANADA DAY, but I’m sure America will also appreciate it.

      2. laurenipsum +3

        My father-in-law claims not to like garlic. He says it dulls the taste buds or some such nonsense — and then he puts red pepper flakes on EVERYTHING (there was some Science that this *enhances* flavors, he says).

        I don’t change the way I cook when he visits — that is, I continue to use hella garlic — and he’s always like “this is so delicious!” DAMN RIGHT IT IS, it’s full of GARLIC. DUH.

        (I also make sure to custom-grind him some red pepper flakes from homegrown red peppers because I like people to be happy.)

    4. bgprincipessa +8

      I am making peanut butter-brownies in a muffin pan. I have no name for this thing. It is not very creative or patriotic, except peanut butter is such an American thing, right? So I’ll just tell people that.

    5. thenorthernist +5

      I will be getting on a plane in London tomorrow to celebrate the 4th in my native land with family and college friends. My main hopes are for root beer, some sort of barbecued food, and s’mores. But I will gratefully accept whatever I am presented with in my jet lagged state.

      What will you be doing/making/eating?

      1. safvn +7

        Aw, that sounds wonderful! S’mores are the very best.

        I am not sure what I’m making for the fourth! My family goes on vacation to the beach shortly, and my grandmother always used to bring these big tins of cookies she had made. They were never very good, and I think they might have been from a mix or something, but people always ate them and they were a thing she did. And then she passed away, two years ago, and every year I try to make cookies and bring them in big tins in her memory. I miss her, writing this comment got surprisingly emotional, aaaah not my intent ahhh BUT all that is to say:

        Cookies, probably! And also maybe lemon bars with strawberries and blueberries on top because America.

    6. alicia +17

      I have instructed my minions to provide me with red meat, red wine and the red blood of their firstborn sons.

    7. rallisaurus +4

      Brown butter coconut cookies and frozen yogurt, to counteract all the butter and coconut.

      1. safvn +1

        I have the fondest memories of frozen yogurt. How do you make it, do you literally just freeze yogurt you have? It seems too simple.

        1. bgprincipessa +2

          I was thinking this same thing earlier! I have a newfound obsession with Chobani Flips (Greek yogurt with the little compartment of mix-ins… I know I could just make the mix-ins myself but these are just SO GOOD), and I was thinking that part of why I like it is because it satisfies my frozen yogurt cravings… and then I thought “What if I froze the Flips?” – so I’m curious as well.

        2. rallisaurus +1

          Serious Eats just posted a super simple recipe. I’ve never had the best luck with it before, which apparently is because I used Greek yogurt? Supposedly it’s too creamy for fro yo, which sounds counter-intuitive. But it’s basically just plain full fat yogurt, sugar, and salt, then freeze in ice cream maker.

    8. anachronistique +8

      My roomie and I are throwing a birthday party for Captain America, because Steve Rogers’ birthday is July 4th, because comics. She is baking a strawberry cake! I am making some kind of chili cheese dip! And there will be a giant vat of lemonade with frozen berries and a variety of booze to add to it!

    9. algebraic +3

      We’re celebrating my daughter’s birthday this weekend instead of really doing anything 4th of July specific, but for her (Frozen-themed, of course) party, I’m making: bacon cheeseburger and pulled pork sliders, corn salad, white bean dill salad, fruit, cole slaw, blue cake, blue punch, and homemade ice cream.

      1. bgprincipessa +2

        Who are these magical children that you know who will eat these delicious food items? I do not know children who will eat those things, except the last 3.

        1. algebraic +12

          Oh, I cook for the adults and the leftovers for us, not the kids. The kids can fend for themselves, or just eat cake and ice cream for all I care.

          1. plspassthePinot +1

            lol when i read “the kids can fend for themselves” i imagined a bunch of 4 yr olds scavenging / grazing in a pasture and it was both adorable and weird and fantastic. Haha!

    10. WanderingDancer +3

      I’ve made a beautiful pickled slaw out of red cabbage, carrots, peppers, and cucumbers. The color of the cabbage seeped out into the brine and made the carrots and the red peppers even more beautiful!

    11. HotDoom +4

      Oh haaaay, so I was hoping to make some sort of shortcake or SOMETHING for the 4th, here in Merry Olde America (actually England, but I enjoy trolling The English. Sorry, wonderful English toasties, honestly.) But, instead, I just made Ina Garten’s lemon pound cake recipe <a href=”http://(http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/lemon-cake-recipe.html),” target=”_blank”>(http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/lemon-cake-recipe.html), because honestly, I have Friday off this week, and I hope to be drunk all day shouting things about America and the Patriarchy blighting our big Freedom.

      Anyway, the recipe makes two loaf pans’ worth of cakes, and they’re currently baking. The batter, however, is incredible, and tastes as good as I used to imagine the cake batter made by the 3 good fairies in Sleeping Beauty would have been. Will probably make some coconut whipped cream and get some red and blue berries to be extra jingoistic.

    12. blushingflower +3

      America’s birthday takes 2nd place in my heart to my actual birthday, which is two days later. So, for my birthday, I am having a picnic. Menu plans right now include
      Bratwurst and/or kielbasa
      homemade burgers
      potato salad
      coleslaw
      guac
      Pickles
      lemonade
      Iced tea

      One of my friends will be making mojitos, and another is making me a lemon raspberry cake.

      The idea is to do really nice, quality versions of everything, not to make anything super fancy.

    13. ThatOtherWench +10

      I live in small, fifth-story apartment, and yet I have opinions that are STRONG about the RIGHT AND WRONG way to grill things, especially animals. In the past couple of years, as more friends have bought suburban houses (whyyyyy) and all clamor to claim dates for cook-outs each summer, I have found that tongue-biting at the sight of still-frozen turkey burger patties hitting a too-hot grill comes much easier if I find a friend who will let me take over her grill at least once per summer, and proceed to do as I see fit with the flames. This year, it will be on the fourth.

      The menu: chile paste-marinated skirt steak, leg of lamb served with mint pesto aioli (yes, I know that’s redundant), a billion grilled veggies, and hopefully a watermelon-feta-balsamic salad, if my ambition stays high. The host friend has offered to check out the charcuterie in her new neighborhood for our mid-afternoon heavy snacking needs. ALL THE FIRES WILL BE AT MY COMMAND ALONE.

    14. tragicallyludicrous +1

      I was thinking of doing something AMERICA this year because the Dutch would find it funny but all of my friends are out of town. Oh well. At least there’s World Cup to watch.

    15. lemonadefish +1

      I have high hopes for some red white & blue jello concoction. The in-laws will be visiting (mother, father, one sister) and between that & the baby, jello is about as ambitious as I get. But I have it on good authority they’re bringing casseroles, so there’s always that.

  6. slowseptember +38

    Happy Toastiversary, dear Toasties.

    I unironically love all of you so much.

  7. anninyn +30

    Toasties, I love you. You are the best commenters on the internet.

    I earned MONEY. and I spent it. ON BOOKS AND CLOTHES.

    I got a pretty jersey dress! And nice bras! It’s so nice to have money. I forgot how great it is.

    1. icebergmama +11

      YES! Money is the worst, until you get some and can use it for nice things and then I’m like *cuddles money* I love you money!

      1. anninyn +6

        It can be exchanged for goods and services!

        I mean, yeah, capitalism boo, but since we LIVE in a capitalist society I might as well enjoy it when I have the things we have assigned value.

    2. plspassthePinot +2

      I will soon have some money as well! I have a backlogged list of so many things, including pretty jersey dresses and nice bras. This is a nice forecast.

      1. anninyn +8

        I got my pretty jersey dress (Black, knee-length skirt, thick straps, sweetheart neck, fit-and-flare cut) from Asos who delivered it in two days. Plus, it with one of my bras puts my tits into ‘epic prow’ territory, which is always a nice feeling

        1. PonyAlong +1

          I’m SO putting “epic prow” into my vocab bag, thank you! And as a fellow LBD and girly bra appreciater, I salut you, madam.

  8. ballisticjaguar +5

    Happy birthday the Toast!

    I learned today that the US does not have ketchup chips or all dressed chips. I used to think that I might someday move to the US (from Canada) but not if they do not have my two favourite chip flavours. Nossirreebob.

    Secondly, I have a tumblr but whenever I check it there are about 8 new things, and I think I need to follow more tumblogs. Toasties! Share with me any tumblr recommendations and/or the names of your own tumblogs!

    (on that note, my tumblr username is procrastinatingplatypus)

    1. slowseptember +1

      As soon as I flippin’ remember which email I set my tumblr up with, I will follow you! I’m grapefruitandgasoline over there.

    2. aravisthequeen +3

      My parents were visiting from the States last week and before they left they loaded up on ketchup chips, All Bran bars, and Tim Horton’s coffee. All kinds of magical Canadian treats. I hear in the States they don’t have Fruitopia any more, either? And what DO you do without Coffee Crisp bars?

    3. hearyoume +5

      my tumblr is ohhitumblr, and it focuses mostly on dogs and feminism. if that sounds like your thing, you should totally follow!

    4. m98widow +2

      Occasionally Lay’s (Lays’?) has Ketchup chips, but it seems to be a seasonal thing.

    5. tothesea +2

      I’m not sure if it’s just a regional thing, but they have all-dressed chips in New England! Or Maine, anyway. They’re Humpty Dumpty brand. I’d never heard of them until I moved out here from Ohio, and now I know that life is not worth living without them. Also, they’re the perfect drunk and/or hangover food.

      1. ballisticjaguar +2

        Hmm. It is very possible it is a regional thing. I know that although we often say we drink bagged milk in Canada, all those West coast people always chime in to say that they have never ever seen it ever.

        1. Absotively +1

          That might depend on the age of the West coast people. We had it on the West coast way back in the eighties, but then it disappeared and I didn’t see it again until I moved to Toronto.

    7. elsajeni +2

      I am elsajeni on tumblr! My description makes reference to “superheroes, Tolkien, and hot dudes” but in fact the superheroes and dudes have largely gone by the wayside, it’s more like “Sailor Moon, Tolkien, and hot ladies” at the moment.

    8. pajamaralways +2

      I think the brand Herr’s might have ketchup chips. I’m in the southern part of the US, so I don’t know about other availability.

      I’m saturdaypaper on tumblr. It’s mostly TV. So many gifs of TV.

    9. heartstillatwar +2

      What flavor is an ‘all-dressed’ chip? We do have garlic cheese bread and chicken&waffle chips. (They are not great.)

      I’m also heartstillatwar on Tumblr.

      1. ballisticjaguar +3

        It’s essentially an ‘everything’ chip, or ‘the works.’ The internet is telling me that the specific flavourings are: bbq; sour cream and onion; salt and vinegar; and ketchup. I am now realizing that the reason I like them probably has a lot to do with the ketchup flavour.

    10. Knopesaurus +1

      Yesss I’m trying to get back into tumblr. Mine is Knopesaurus

      I need more tumblrs to follow too and am positive Toasties have the best ones!

    11. hawthorn_tree +1

      I’m hawthorncrataegus on tumblr – it’ll be nice to follow some more Toasties!

    12. Erinasaurus Rex

      petsonacademia.tumblr.com! It’s exactly what it sounds like, and it always needs more Tumblr friends and submissions.

    13. potterpotterson +1

      Ketchup chips sound suspicious to this midwesterner… but delicious at the same time? Considering I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I go through a good sized bottle of ketchup every 4 – 6 weeks? Hmm.

      Also! Tumblr name is therealpotter. General nerdiness, feminism, and probably more Avengers and Harry Potter than I care to admit.
      I also have a new sideblog for tarot stuff, which is coffeeandtarot.

    14. raqueue +1

      Is it true that the States doesn’t have Dill Pickle chips?

      Do all Canadians just subsist off potato chips? I feel like they do…

      1. heythatsmybike +1

        We do, it’s just not one of the ubiquitous flavors. You’ll find it at the grocery store with no problem, but not likely in a vending machine.

  9. NicoleCliffe +32

    My Zen teacher (shut up I KNOWWWWW I KNOWWWW) gave me a super hippie book about enneagram types and now I am just typing EVERYONE and no one is safe. My husband is such a Five with Eight aspects. I am a Nine, I THINK, but I have a lot of Three stuff happening (even though those two types do not have a lot in common!), and my mom is a Classic Two.

    I love my Zen teacher, she is responsible for 80% of the parts of me you like.

    1. Girl Named Jack +3

      I LOVE THAT BOOK. Typing people is so satisfying. I’m a four and my boyfriend is a nine.

      I… also may have signed up for daily email blurbs specific to my Type.

    2. NicoleCliffe +10

      Me: “I scored a 61 for Nine, but I did get a 57 for Three! A lot of Three resonates with me, but I think I’m too lazy to be a Three?”
      Steve: “It’s not actually clear to me that you’re lazy by the standards of, you know, your generation.”

      1. mbculver +9

        Enneagrams aside, my experience has been that if you’re worried about how lazy you are, you are not lazy.

        1. aravisthequeen +7

          I have been known to frequently ask people “But do you think I’m lazy?!” while in the context of doing something like scrubbing down the kitchen sink with baking soda using only my fingers, or organizing my closet by clothing item/colour shades, or vacuuming the baseboards. Then I realized I should probably stop asking people that as it will get annoying.

    3. amanita +4

      My best friend LOVES this book, and I will probably never read it, but I love that you too love it. (According to best friend, we are both 4s. I am going to go look that up now.)

    5. ballisticjaguar +6

      My brother and I like to type people (fictional and real) according to Myers-Briggs. It is a great deal of fun.

      1. Aunt_Beast +2

        I missed this and commented downthread, but my brother and I do the same! We made everyone in our family take online tests at christmas. I’m a little tiny bit obsessed.

    7. fishesinthetwee +5

      I am so not hippy, except I’m taking this class in yoga and meditation and mindfulness, which I love and adore and use on people all the time. The whole purpose of the class is ‘this isn’t advice, just knowledge’ but I take it out into the world and am like, ‘if you stretched like this, that would feel better’ ‘take five deep belly breaths and as you release them, imagine they’re carrying out toxic stress until it’s gone’ ‘no, REALLY FEEL the thing, like, with your WHOLE AWARENESS.’ So possibly I am not good at the class, but damn am I ever into it.

      Anyway I’m a 7. SHOCKING.

    8. rallisaurus +4

      I am a four with a three wing, but I’m also very six-ish at times. My husband is a two/nine so it works out great for me! I am emotionally needy and he is giving, as it should be.

    9. mariasvdotcom +5

      NICOLE! This is pretty much the main other thing I’m obsessed with besides the Internet! I’m a four! Also numbers travel to their stress and security points, bingo the Husband – Fives go to Eight and Two. Same thing Nines, go to Three and Six depending on stress/security levels.

      1. Elforest +5

        Yes! This is why the enneagram is awesome – personality is a complex thing, so personality typing shouldn’t be super simple. Also, it teaches you to recognize symptoms of ‘unhealth’ as you move to your stress type, so you can really use to become a better person.

        I realize I am fangirling about an ancient personality typing system… and I guess that’s why the Toast is my favorite. Because it gives a place for that.

    10. Joyous_ness +2

      Love the Enneagram! I’m a two through and through. Also three is the Point of Integration for nine!

    11. evieskye +1

      College boyfriend (yes, the serenading one. I know) was into it.
      I’m a 4!

    12. teerexington +1

      I am a two! which I hate, because I social work for money, and then I hate when people are like “you must be so giiiiiiviiiiiiing”, and so I have intentionally made the scope of people that I am nice to smaller every day.

    13. practical cat +1

      I’m having such an enneagram identity crisis lately. I used to be sure I’m a 5 but now I’m getting strong 2 feelings and I just don’t know. Could also be a 3. Is there a type that doesn’t know what type they are?

    14. Aunt_Beast +2

      so does anyone else ever get slightly obsessed with Myers Briggs stuff? My brother and I forced my whole family to take tests at christmas.

  10. Girl Named Jack +46

    Things I do/have done because of The Toast:

    – Cackle like a witch at least once a day. Also many throaty sniggers. I am also now Level 20 in Pretending A Laugh Was A Cough.

    – Thanks to Nicole, I do (desk) pushups AND tricep dips, every day I’m at the office. Granted, only like 30 a day, because I am a T-Rex. I kind of thought maybe I had a tumor or something the first time I felt my tricep muscle flex, because I had literally never felt a muscle there before.

    – Thanks to Mallory, I made up my very own Ayn Rand-themed Yo Mama joke. It’s not very funny, but it exists, and that is enough for now.

    How has The Toast changed your life? Enumerate the ways, I command thee!

    1. Beakses +25

      Hooray the Toast!

      The Toast is probably responsible for 90% of the increasing vehemence of my feminism. I’m pretty sure burning my bras would be bad for the environment, but I’d sure like to set something on fire this week. It’s nice to have company.

        1. Beakses +3

          See also my 100000% increase in suggesting that we light terrible men on fire.

    2. lilsebastian01 +66

      I feel much more comfortable openly being dismissive of men as a group, which is a wonderful gift to my life.

      2. Abanthis +10

        This is the true gift of the Toast.

        It’s easy (and infuriating) to *say* “well just don’t give a crap about x and your life will be so much better”, and I have been talking the good talk about not caring what men think for a while, but it is only once the Toast provided a community who model that ethos that I’ve been able to really internalise it, and it’s so freeing.

      3. laurenipsum +3

        Same here!! (Also thanks for getting the Lil Sebastian song BACK in my head after the miniature horses post this morning)

    3. ocwut +43

      There are loads of things, but the most important one is that I admitted to myself and the world (and by that, I mean the Toast) that I am trans. I’ve also mentally committed to writing a post for the open thread every week summarizing all of the trans-related things that are going on in my life. 🙂

      1. sednarea51 +6

        Ahhh, that’s wonderful! Best of luck- may all the winds of the world blow gently for you!

    4. anachronistique +24

      It has made me WAY more misandrist, and way more open about being misandrist. It’s also made me feel more comfortable about being openly queer. <3

      And I also do pushups at work! On the kitchen counter while my lunch heats up!

    5. WanderingDancer +7

      Hooray for newly prominent tricep muscles! From dancing, I’ve always had strong legs, but Nicole also inspired to add pushups and other upper-body exercises to my routine. It’s been pretty amazing to look in the mirror and see the amount of definition in my arms. Better still, being able to do a lengthy upper body workout makes me feel incredibly powerful and proud of my body. Thanks for the inspiration, Nicole!

    6. anninyn +33

      I write more, and fearlessly. I am now being paid to write articles about jobs for a government site aimed at 11-24 year olds, where I sneakily slip in feminists references where I can. ‘There is a lack of female employees in these areas, so don’t let anyone stop you just because you’re a woman!’.

      I’m also writing a ghost novel which is secretly all about gender and sexuality

      1. laurenipsum +11

        a ghost novel which is secretly all about gender and sexuality

        Do want!

        1. anninyn +3

          Oh, it’s all about the ways that women – especially queer women – are forced into these little boxes and constantly denied agency and emotion and desire and the right to *want* things, and how that damages them.

          2. anninyn +1

            When it’s finished and published. So, like, 5 years?

            Unless you lovely people want to beta read the finished draft, so 6 months?

      2. dakimel +2

        That’s awesome!

        Both are awesome, I mean, but I love the systemizing of feminist references.

        Plus you reminded me I was going to put ghosts in my WIP. Off to draft….

    7. HotDoom +20

      So many ways! Mainly, much in the way The Hairpin re-affirmed and got me deeper into feminism, The Toast has allowed me embrace my misandry (MISAAAAANDRY!!!), while making me a more vehement, vocal, and vigilant feminist, and exploring intersectionality further.

      Reading the pieces on here has made me feel so much less lonely in so many ways. I have friends where I live, but few of them are actual kindred spirits, and reading pieces and posts from commenters reminds me that I’m not alone in how I feel or my interests. The Twitter community is awesome too, and though I am not a very frequent tweeter, reading tweets from other Toasties almost always brightens my day.

      Finally (for the moment at least), this community is so uplifting and thoughtful and empowering. I’ve been banging on about starting my own brewery here, and I fully intend to in the coming year or so. But I think this website and its community has helped me to own and embrace what I want to do, to not be afraid to venture into something new while leaving something more comfortable behind, and by golly, step on as many mainsplainy, neckbeard-y toes as I possibly can, by breaking into a male-dominated industry and making the best possible product.
      So thank you all, a thousand times over.

      and Girl Named Jack, I want to hear (read?) your joke!

      1. Girl Named Jack +33

        Friend: Yo mama has so little class, she’s a Marxist Utopia.

        Me: Haha! Yo mama so lazy Ayn Rand built a railroad on top of her, as is the right of any individual to provide themselves with the means to further their ambition.

        Friend: Haha! Well played.

        Me: I made that one up myself. And… there’s nothing to stop you from stealing it! OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

    8. embryoconcepts +10

      The Toast and the Toasties have made me more comfortable in my own skin and mind and soul and self, which in turn means I’m better able to be all me. It’s made all of my relationships better – romantic, family, work, strangers, self. It’s made my world, and therefore my heart bigger, stronger and more open.

      Thank you all. Loves to you.

    9. CleverManka +5

      Thank you to The Toast for bringing together such an amazing group of commenters. I love everyone in this bar!

    10. Jasmine jive

      I feel better about all my female feelings with all my toastie sisters in my life. It’s a place to escape to, though it often makes me hungry with all the food talk and recipe ideas!
      You lot help me to fight my corner and have a stronger woman’s voice at home living with my husband and two sons (who are all wonderful human beings) as I often feel a little outnumbered. I send my love to all who appreciate the toast.

  11. BourneApprox +20

    Hooray for Matriarchy! Hooray for the Toast!

    Perhaps also relevant to the gif, and in ranting news, is anyone else completely fucking fed up with online nerd culture, and nerd culture in general? (In another difficult question, is water wet?) Not sure why, but I’ve been feeling even more hopeless than usual recently that things might actually get better. Particularly in gaming, in my case. Almost no new big games coming out of E3 with female or non-white main characters, many games with even fewer women than usual, and lots of others with women as hostages, victims, etc. Grizzled white guy hero after grizzled white guy hero after grizzled white guy hero. And so many fans lining up to defend the lack of creativity and spew tons of death threats and rape threats and general harassment. (Just witnessed a very talented writer get pushed off twitter by harassment, because she dared criticize the hiring of yet another white guy at a gaming publication.) And for the occasional cases where there are non-white or non-straight characters, nasty homophobia (warning: horrible comments) or whitewashing by fans to “fix” PoC. This has all been going on for forever, so I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much now. Maybe because I thought things would be getting better at this point?

    Sigh. Off to go wait for Dragon Age and the next Civ. Or to read more books in my Summer of Female Fantasy Writers!

      1. BourneApprox +7

        I like the defenses of that. “Women can’t compete in the Finnish tournament because it’s a qualifier for a men-only tournament!” And this makes it better…how? “We’re trying to be more in line with international sports like chess!” >_< Time for some lady to go all girl-disguised-as-a-boy on these dudes. It could be a sports underdog classic.

        1. m98widow +7

          I also enjoy the Islamaphobic defense of “well, the tournament is taking place in Azerbaijan, which is a Muslim country, so they probably don’t want women there.”

          Which, 1) No. 2) Women are allowed to compete in other games, but not this one. 3) THEN DON’T HOLD THE GODDAMN TOURNAMENT THERE.

        2. Beakses +3

          Hey, it (pretty much) worked in judo in the US: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rena_Kanokogi
          Not that it’s not still pretty male dominated, but the guys at the dojo at least don’t question my right to be there.

          Alternate option: set them all on fire.

          Also, thanks to responses to your thread last week I bought the Women Destroy Science Fiction issue of Lightspeed, and it was a balm to my soul this week to read interviews with women writers taking down the science fiction boy’s club.

          1. BourneApprox +1

            Okay, that was a completely amazing wikipedia article, and I had never heard of this woman before – thanks for that!

            Oh crap, I still need to pick up the Women Destroy Science Fiction issue too! I am going to write this officially down in my to-do list for this week. Sounds like just what I need, and much more peaceful than BURNING THEM ALL.

          2. Beakses +2

            There is a round table interview with Ursula K. Le Guin, Nancy Kress, Pat Cadigan and Ellen Datlow that is basically the best.

      1. BourneApprox +4

        I know, right?? Civ!! In space!!! Spaaaaaaaaaaaaace!!! *Calms self down and remembers to breathe.*

        1. ThatOtherWench +5

          I am also confident enough in my Girl Gamer identity to admit I’m also excited for the next Sims to get here already. Sims, Civ and Warcraft/Starcraft are the three PC-based dynasties that have been in my life since I was old enough to leave Treasure Mountain behind.

          1. SarcasticFringehead +6

            I’m so conflicted about new sims because on the one hand I have a lot of expansions & I don’t want to “start over,” but on the other hand sims 3 is getting nearly unplayable with the chugging and the errors, and on the third had planned obsolescence conspiracy theory but on the fourth hand it’s my money and if I want to spend it making virtual people do stupid shit then I will, dammit.

          2. BourneApprox +2

            Yeah, I’m gonna say it too: I’m really curious about the new Sims. I haven’t played since the first one, but the whole emotion thing in the new game looks pretty awesome. Also, the character creator. The character creator. I fucking love character creators.

        2. wallsdonotfall +3

          Ugh, is it going to be PC only though? I don’t understand this! Macs can handle it!

          1. BourneApprox +1

            Losing track of the thread indenting here, but if you’re talking Civ: Beyond Earth, judging by the Firaxis page, you’re good to go! (Otherwise, dunno about the Sims/Dragon Age!)

    3. MuseKray +10

      Yep. Early in college I whole-heartedly embraced my geekness but since being exposed to internet nerd culture and dating a nerd, I find the snobbery baffling.
      I’d rather hang out with pretentious artists than nerds nowadays.

      1. BourneApprox +8

        I’m married to a nerd, but he’s always been a massive introvert who generally does not give a fuck, so he’s perfectly happy with ladies getting to be in the clubhouse too. “Why do these boys care what other people are doing or enjoying? Why can’t they just enjoy the book/game/comic?” (Of course, conversely, this also means I sometimes have to explain to him why I get so upset about representation, but he’s been a good learner and pretty good about reading things written by women/PoC that I recommend to him. I WILL BEND HIM TO MY WILL.)

        Man I wish I had access to more friends who weren’t nerds. Nothing but nerds here in science.

        1. ThatOtherWench +3

          My salvation came from attending a local munch of sex-positive, kink-positive (all-around-social-justice-positive) people. Not all of kink-dom is as overtly feminist as the little corner I had the great fortune to stumble into on the first try, but almost all of kink-dom has a HUGE overlap with nerdiness. So in my case, I have the benefit of my biggest social justice-oriented friends *also* being fairly big nerds (although, sadly, video gaming is somewhat under-represented versus, say, Whedon worship).

          The flip side is that I have felt extra-upset when my adamant opposition to Bioware abandoning the “everyone is meta-bi” position of DA2 was equally adamantly debated by a in-the-family friend, who pulled out every stupid card in the book. He did have the grace to let go of “realisticness” pretty fast, but I still got “well, all *my* friends agree with my position” and “But the *point* of video games is to make money.” Which…. grrrrraahhhh.

          (With the newer announcements about Inquisition, my optimism is slightly buoyed by the possibility Bioware actually knows what it’s doing. But that optimism is so tempered by the many disappointments lately.)

          1. BourneApprox +4

            Aaah, sounds like you ran across some awesome people – cool!

            And booo to the stupid conversation about DA2 sexuality. I personally haven’t decided how I feel about the change yet. I loved the DA2 romances, and though that the orientations were, at the very least, a good way of giving folks as much choice as possible, if you’re viewing folks as Hawkesexual. If they’re all canonically bisexual, on the other hand, who cares if it’s realistic? You’ve got goddamn firebreathing dragons and dwarves, and you’re telling me that a group of frenemies being mostly queer/bi is the unrealistic part? Sexuality in Thedas is fluid, dang it!

            Optimistically for the third game, it looks like the move towards a straight/bi/gay spectrum is less about being “realistic”, and more about representing a variety of sexualities and incorporating them into the characters’ storyline/personalities. (Spoilers follow, if you’re trying to avoid these things.) So, for example, Dorian’s male-only gayness fits directly into his conflict with Tevinter mage society, in that he refuses to marry a woman and propagate his pure mage blood. (End spoilers.) Happily, they’ve said that they’re doing more romances than ever before in DA, so there’ll still be tons of options for everyone, I hope!

            On the other hand, it’s frustrating, because I kinda wanna romance almost each and every one of the companions they’ve revealed. They’re all so cool!

            On the other other hand, (more character spoilers), it was totally awesome when they announced that Sera was a lesbian, and all the dudes got really unhappy. Poor dudes.

          2. ThatOtherWench +1

            I rarely romance more than one or two characters per playthrough, so having to match my PCs to the NPCs isn’t per se a major problem. I like the freedom it allows me in choosing based on personality rather than gender, though; my overly-diplomatic (male) mage might have the patience to deal with the first act moping of Anders while the aggressive (female) GS warrior does *not*, thank you very much.

            My conversation partner abandoned “realistic” as a sticking point, but tried to defend “immersiveness”. Which… every time I think about that, sounds like exactly the same thing, only an attempt to side-step the “but, dragons” argument. And I had yet to hear any case made other than one that boiled down to equating sexual orientation with personality.

            But your post does make two good points that I hadn’t really considered: one, that while orientation =/= personality, it can be a rich part of a character’s *biography* and a plot-driver. And two, hopefully, they can script Sera with some misandry, or at least a few good lines about how utterly useless dudes are.

            Now: to update my FB profile picture with that art, or not to…

    4. seasleepy +4

      Sigh. I really like GB and they generally say the right things and try to provide a relatively welcoming place for people on their content (though I guess not permanent positions oops), but oh man yesterday was both depressing and incredibly unsurprising given what happens any time diversity comes up in some way on their site. Like, they said it seemed like most of the harassment was originating from reddit and the like, and I do believe that because fucking of course, but they’ve tolerated milder versions of those voices on their site for years and this is what is gonna happen. They’re planning on doing something about it now, but it really should have been obvious that they had a problem some time ago.

      Still like video games and still like GB but man I wish video games would figure out that minorities exist and have been here the whole time.

      1. BourneApprox +3

        Yeah, GB actually did a fairly good job yesterday calling out the bullshit, and I know I’ve seen Patrick Klepek write some pretty great pieces on this kind of subject in the past. It’s a pity so many of their fans are apparently massive assholes. I was actually looking at PCGamer’s Staff List this past week as well, and thinking about how the fact that they are all dudes affects their coverage. (Christ, PC gaming is insufferably dick-swinging sometimes.) All these sites have realized that the community has a problem, but that doesn’t mean they’re hiring women or giving them a voice yet.

    5. Angelan_ +2

      So excited for Dragon Age! I live torn between wanting to read all the new bits of information, and wanting to avoid everything and be surprised (and also because the fandom can be a bit…urgh).

      1. BourneApprox +3

        Unnngh, I know, right? Three more months! Now that they’ve revealed all the companions, I’m wondering if it’s time to bow out and go on spoiler lockdown. And also, yes, because the fandom is only gonna get worse between now and then. I guess I could go and pay attention to my job instead, sigh.

        Also, if one more dudebro responds to a comment/story about DA:I by saying “The Witcher 3 will be better!” I will…well, I’ll continue to be as frustrated with nerd culture as I already am. (For all I know, TW3 will be lovely. But I can’t play a lady or a dwarf/elf/qunari or bang dudes in that, damn it! Geralt is the straightest, whitest, grizzliest dude ever.)

        1. Angelan_ +2

          I didn’t even know there’d been a witcher 2. I’m so out of touch with games, and I think part of it is that what I want from games is apparently really different from what most reviewers want, so if I play the well reviewed ones, they quite often leave me cold (i.e. I really liked dragon age 2, but I just don’t *get* Skyrim :/ )

          1. BourneApprox +1

            Ugh, I know that feeling. I look at lists of “most anticipated games!” for the upcoming year, and it’s like my interests and priorities are completely different from both the press and the “core” fans. While games that I am interested in (Dragon Age, Sims, etc.) are apparently completely uncool and easily mocked. Sigh. Well, except Civ. Everyone seems to love Civ.

            Weirdly, while DA2 is apparently worse than Hitler, it’s loved by me, my husband, and most of my friends? (I could write a long essay about how and why I think that game was misunderstood and poorly treated by nerd culture.)

          2. ChloeKEvil +3

            DA2 is my favourite video game (okay, it’s kind of tied with Skyrim because I love the open world) and I don’t really understand why people don’t like it. I even like the repeated maps to an extent- mainly because I am really just awful at navigating in video games. But the storyline is good! And the characters are so great! And I can have sex with almost anyone I want as anyone I want!

            In conclusion, I would love to read your essay.

          3. BourneApprox +1

            I need to actually write down my defense of the game at some point, instead of just scattering it around the internet in fangirlish comments. In the meantime, Mattie Brice summarizes pretty much all of my feelings here, anyway. In my mind, it’s a game about relationships and powerlessness, rather than a power fantasy. Also, about having sex with various hot people and elves (naturally).

            Man, if Inquisition combines the subtle writing and characters of DA2, the tactics of DAO, and the environments of Skyrim, I might never leave my computer. (*Begins the process of wisely reigning in her expectations.*)

          4. ChloeKEvil +2

            I’ve said fairly often that my perfect game would be a combination of DA2 and Skyrim (maybe with a bit of assassin’s creed mixed in because I like climbing really tall things and jumping off). It’s really hard not to get super-excited, but I’m trying not to let my expectations get ahead of me. It’s not the end of the world if it’s not perfect but I really want it to be.

            And that article is very interesting and a good point. DA2 is much more interesting in terms of narrative and characterization than gameplay- at the same time, I’m glad they took extra time in developing Inquisition so that hopefully it will wind up more well-rounded.

          5. BourneApprox +1

            Yeah, in the end the “downfall” of DA2 was a lack of development time. Here’s to hoping Inquisition keeps many of the game’s good features, while being much more polished! (And that it has a climb feature, as much as I love zigzagging up a sheer cliff face Skyrim-style!)

          6. ChloeKEvil +2

            /crosses fingers!!!

            I admit I’m a little distressed by only three of nine companions being female. 🙁 more ladies plz

            But all the women DO seem super-great and actually I’ve been interested in every character biography so far except maybe the Grey Warden.

          7. BourneApprox +1

            On the one hand I’m kinda disappointed? But on the other hand, I’m not too unhappy, because, yeah, the ladies they’ve revealed have had some of my favorite designs in the series, and all seem really interesting? (Sensible armor and interesting personalities backstories, every one of them!) The advisor seems like they’ll be almost as important as the companions, too, so that kind of evens things out (Leliana! Second unnamed lady person of color!).

            Blackwall’s also the one I’m most meh about, but perhaps he’ll surprise me. He’s gonna have a hard time competing with Cassandra and Iron Bull, though. Mmm. Shoulda replaced him with a badass lady dwarf instead (Sigrun!).

          8. Angelan_ +4

            Wait wait wait people are mocking THE SIMS?? I WILL GO TO THE FLOOR FOR THIS. THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON.

            (I do understand many of the complaints about DA2, and I didn’t need to go to the same cave/warehouse for EVERY MISSION, buuut…I love the story and the characters so much, and in the end, I enjoyed playing it much more than I ever did Skyrim or Assassin’s Creed, so to me, it’s better, because what other criteria do you judge a game on?)

          9. BourneApprox +4

            Oh, you know, the usual: that it’s for giiiiiiiirls. Also people are apparently unhappy that you won’t be able to make pools when the game releases, and are convinced that this is sign that EA will once again botch the entire thing. Whatevsky I just want to make little people and toy with their emotions.

            DA2 is a flawed gem, but a gem nonetheless. I actually enjoyed it even more than DA:O, and I will keep defending its virtues until my voice is hoarse.

          10. ThatOtherWench +1

            *returns from long holiday weekend* The original Sims was the result of Maxis intentionally keeping a relatively high number of women in the development process, and was a kinda-surprise mega-hit with gamers of all genders. But of course, the stereotypes are that the “girl gamers” only want to play *some* types of games, especially ones with dress-up doll avatars and romance options. Hence, it is clearly a “girly” game, and I’m not a “real” gamer if I play lots of hours of that, Pokemon and Bioware.

            But this is also the first I’m hearing of a lot of hate for DA2. I definitely get the annoyance with the map re-use, but from a combat perspective (and isn’t that a huge part of it?) it’s such a major improvement on DAO’s way-OP mages and glass water pistol rogues. To say nothing of the way, way better character development and storytelling. I tried to replay DAO and barely got past Ostagar; I can see replaying DA2 into the ground.

    6. Samk12345 +3

      There are a decent number of gamers on groupthink, if you’re looking for some like-minded folks!

    7. haunting_of +2

      TELL ME MORE ABOUT SUMEMR OF FEMALE FANTASY WRITERS! I just read Temeraire by Naomi Novak and it was fantastic and if they don’t make an HBO series they are fools.

      Also, tell me about it. I can’t even read the girl-gamer focused sites anymore because it’s all depressing. Just going to quietly play XCOM in my corner.

      1. BourneApprox +2

        Oh, dang, I really should get on to Temeraire at some point – I’ve had the first book in that series sitting around for foreveerrrr. So far, the Summer of Female Fantasy (and Sci Fi) Writers includes selections from: Lois McMaster Bujold (just finished Curse of Chalion!), Ursula K Le Guin (it is a travesty that I have not read The Left Hand of Darkness), Octavia Butler (also a travesty that I have not read her yet), Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel’s Dart), and N. K. Jemisin (The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms). Sorting through suggestions I got last week to potentially add more!

        I <3 XCOM most dearly. I guess I can tell myself that I always have more XCOM (oh damn, I really should play that expansion at some point…hmmm, maybe I don’t *need* any new games…)

        1. haunting_of +2

          All your selections sound awesome. I’ve read a bit of Bujold’s Miles Vorkosigan saga and it’s wonderful. And Left Hand of Darkness! If you like it and haven’t read The Dispossessed, it’s one of the greats. I also haven’t read Octavia Butler though I’ve had Kindred on my shelf for ages.

          I just started the expansion– it feels like nearly a whole new game, really. And you can have your French soldiers speak French, Germans speak German, etcetera. So I made a giant pink German terminator dude. Wonderful.

          1. BourneApprox +1

            They added languages? Aaah, that’s awesome! And I also picked up the soldier cosmetic pack DLC when I got Enemy Within. I think this means that it’s gonna be pink German mech guys with flat tops all the way down!

  12. carmencicero +32

    In addition to the Toast’s 1 year birthday, it’s also my 21st birthday!! It’s also Lindsay Lohan’s and my best friend’s mom’s birthday, and the official UFO Day.

    Bartender, what should my first legal drink be??

    1. deleted7410012 +9

      i’d go to a fancypants bar and tell the bartender “i like ____, ____, and ____. what should i drink?” and let them have at it!

      1. WanderingDancer +3

        That’s a really good idea! Better than my first legal drink, which was an Irish coffee because it was So. Damn. Cold. in Serbia that January and I couldn’t muster any enthusiasm for a cold drink.

      2. bgprincipessa +3

        I am almost 26 and still terrified to do this. I have an everlasting fear of being “found out” as an impostor after too much time in bars when I wasn’t of age.

        1. deleted7410012 +4

          nooo i am pretty sure bartenders love this, as long as you actually give them something to work with like, “i like sweet things, citrus, and mint” or “i like bitter things, and creamy textures” and don’t just mutter, “like i dunno i like gin i think?”

          i once told a bartender that my go-to was whiskey gingers, but i was intrigued by brine-y drinks, but dislike vodka. this was how i discovered the glorious glorious pickleback.

          1. bgprincipessa +1

            Ok ok that’s fair. I will have to try this then! And do my best to avoid the “like”s and “i dunno”s which is just generally good life advice anyway.

            I am still not over the time I did a pickle shot with my bf and his friends in our kitchen at 7:30am before going to work. 7:30am: not the time for pickle shots. (They were going to Opening Day for baseball. I was not.)

    3. Fluffernutter +10

      Happy Birthday! My first legal drink was a buttery nipple, purchased for me by a rando. That night did not go very well.

    4. thenorthernist

      If it’s summery in your part of the world, I’d go for a mojito. Or a sidecar.

    5. safvn +2

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND CONGRATULATIONS! My first legal drink was cheap red wine, which I can’t endorse enough, but if you want something nice I would go with what yeah_elle said.

      1. Beakses +1

        +1 for cheap red wine. I made half of it into some sort of beef with red wine sauce meal, which was also delightful.

    6. plspassthePinot +6

      My first legal drink was my own handle of Skyy Vodka which I carried w me in an attempt to finish at a joint bday party. My last memory was dancing on a table while trying to text directions to a boy and then a lightening bolt recognition “I have had enough; I must lay down.” In the morning couldnt find my shoes.

      In case you aim to be 1000% classier, head someplace w a nice cocktail menu and order something in your preferred flavor profile served up in a chilled glass, because that always just seems right. Enjoy! Happy Birthday!

    8. pajamaralways +5

      Happy Birthday!

      My first legal drink was a Blue Moon. At an Applebee’s.

  13. winterbymorning +42

    Some Toasties might remember that on last Friday’s open thread, I complained about a smarmy guy who wanted to come to my small government library to do research. He came in, smarmed at me in person some more, and finally left after 3 hours.

    I was off on Monday and Tuesday. Today I came in to find 3 of the binders he was looking at are empty. I’ve checked recycling bins, the records room, everywhere they could possibly be, and the only conclusion is that the smug bastard stole my flipping library materials.

    It’s just so weird. First of all, I had set him up in an empty cubicle right across from mine. I was right there keeping an eye on him the entire time he was here except for a quick bathroom break. Was that even enough time for him to empty 3 thickass binders’ worth of papers and smuggle them into his backpack? He said he would be back this week or next to continue his research, and he left me his phone number, his email and his home address – none of that makes any sense if he deliberately stole it. He told me that he himself had a career in libraries/information management so I hadn’t thought it necessary to say, “By the by, you can’t take this with you.”

    I just can’t even with this. I sent him an email about it, because I am a shrinking violet and this is not a conversation I wanted to have by phone, but if he doesn’t reply by the end of the week I will have to call him and he’ll probably deny everything.

    At least it was stuff that had been slated for weeding anyway, and it was 30 years old, so it’s not like he made off with confidential information detrimental to national security. It’s just. WHO DOES THAT?? THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT SO IT’S THEFT OF CROWN PROPERTY. YOU STOLE FROM THE QUEEN!

    4. elsamac +14

      OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE

      That stinks. I’m glad it doesn’t stink more, that the materials aren’t priceless irreplaceable permanently archived treasures, but still.

      Is there any chance that he gave in to a core sense of entitlement and decided he could take it home to study at his leisure because HIS NEEDS ARE IMPORTANT and that he’ll return it all on his next visit? Not that it would make this less high-handed and improper, but that kind of unassailable ego would make a certain kind of sense out of this trespass.

      1. winterbymorning +35

        I wouldn’t be surprised if he took them out of sheer self-importance. I had mentioned to him that they were going to be weeded from our collection (and transferred to another department, not just thrown in the recycling bin) and he actually said, “I think you should consult me before disposing of library materials.” My response was a polite version of “LOL NO” because what? Who thinks they can waltz into someone else’s workplace and essentially say, “I am a complete stranger off the street, in no way affiliated with your organization, and I demand you consult me before making business decisions”??

        So it’s very likely that he thought, If they’re just going to get rid of these documents, I may as well take them but NO IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

        1. elsamac +18

          Yeah, even money that he just decided YOINK MINE. How infuriating. I hope you tear him a new library card.

        2. logicbutton +19

          In “The Enemies of Books” by William Blades (on Project Gutenberg) which sounds like it’s about censorship but is actually literally about ways in which books can be damaged (e.g. “fire” and “bookworms” and “women”), there are a bunch of anecdotes about dudes completely destroying books in the name of book preservation. One dude thinks a portrait printed in a particular book is so awesome that he goes around to every library he can find and CUTS THE PORTRAIT OUT of their copy of the book to keep it. Another dude decides he’s going to preserve his extensive library of valuable books by burying them under the floorboards of his attic.

          Anyways your story reminded me of that for some reason.

          1. logicbutton +15

            Chapter XI, “Collectors,” should just be retitled “Dude Arrogance.”

        4. angryporcupine +29

          He said you should CONSULT HIM?!? Can we weed him out of humanity plz that is unbelievable.

    5. Site_for_Soris +12

      OMG when you wrote about him I had a distinct witchy feeling of “hmmm, something is not right here.” Gratifying, but HORRIBLE to have my intuition validated. What an ass.

    6. queenofbithynia +3

      maybe he et ’em out of the binders like in Red Dragon when the fellow eats the William Blake?

    7. PonyAlong +1

      Just wanted to say I freaking LOVE your accompanying photo of the Queen.

      LOVE!

      Also, pretty shameful behaviour on that dude’s part (I’m gonna go ahead and assume he boosted the stuff).

  14. deleted7410012 +9

    happy birthday to the toast!

    i’m celebrating by eating too much chocolate at my work desk. and day dreaming of my upcoming long weekend. which will feature much sunshine and drinking and park lazing and pie and seeing “snowpiercer” and then going to see ronnie spector badass it up in a park (with other lovely bands). yessss.

  15. hearyoume +18

    My friend is starting a blog and has asked me to contribute feminism-related writing. While I’m excited to work with him, I’m flabbergasted that anyone thinks I am knowledgeable/articulate enough to do this.

    1. safvn +14

      I had a lot of female journalists tell me in college that this is a common thing among women! Women tend to underestimate how much we understand about a thing, to realize that there is a lot of information out there that we do not know, and therefore are less likely to call ourselves experts. Whereas men overestimate how much they understand and are much more likely to label themselves experts in a thing they don’t really understand at all.

      Basically: Women know more than we think we do, men know less than they think they do.

      (Obviously these are broad gender brushstrokes, but I think there is some truth to them, especially especially for young women.)

      1. safvn +11

        OH AND IN CASE IT WASN’T CLEAR: The main point is that you are ABUNDANTLY qualified to write on a feminist blog and I hope you share all your posts with us!

      2. hearyoume +8

        That makes a ton of sense, now that you say it. I wrote a thing about this week’s Supreme Court rulings and I’m hoping he posts it soon… I’ll be sure to share if he does!

        1. Lily Rowan +2

          If all else fails, you can use the Andrew Ti model and just say the answer is always “fuck you” and peace out.

        2. GigiAuLait +5

          Experienced a similar episode of self-doubt this week. I had a friend point out that it is only the people who really know a lot/ who have the subject matter expertise/ breadth of knowledge to truly understand the landscape about said subject who understand that they don’t know everything. So. The very fact that you consider yourself not completely qualified to write about feminism, despite being invited to do so, could indicate your robust insight and healthy respect for the subject.

  16. lilsebastian01 +1

    I’ve been moisturizing my face with pure coconut oil (sometimes mixed with a tiny amount of rosehip seed oil) but it’s too heavy for the summer. I’m (for no particular reason) into using things that are not explicitly a Face Moisturizing Cream, like an essential oil or something. Any recommendations? What’s working for you?

    2. turanga_leela +3

      I hear olive oil is good. I have used it to moisturize my hair and it worked.

    3. tothesea +3

      I find that jojoba oil is lighter than coconut oil, but that may still be too heavy for summer. Personal preference, of course.

    4. winterbymorning +3

      I love Caudalie’s Huile Divine. It’s on the expensive side, but a little goes a long way and the smell is amazing. I got 3 of the small bottles for $6 each instead of $10 at my local Sephora because an associate had accidentally put the wrong pricetag on them and they had to honour the advertised price. That was a good day.

      (I have dry skin that drinks this stuff up pretty quickly, but YMMV.)

    5. GreenGrasses +1

      I make a beeswax/olive oil/lavender essential oil balm that my dry cheeks seem to love! It’s a bit heavy but I’ve found that if I use some at night I don’t have to moisturize my face in the morning after my shower – it’s plump and happy already!

    6. WanderingDancer +2

      I use cold cream to remove my makeup at the end of the day. Since it’s an oil-based cleanser, it moisturizes enough that I don’t need to moisturize in the morning. It also smells absolutely lovely.

    8. alicia +7

      Argan oil! I have super sensitive skin (with wrinkles and hormonal zits, hooray!) and switched to 100% pure argan oil after something in a fancy lotion gave me hives. That was three months ago and it continues to delight me. I get mine from the health food store.

    9. jackalopeia +2

      I have pretty dry skin and right now I’m using sunflower oil with a little tea tree in it, which seems more readily absorbed than the olive oil I used to use.

  17. Brunhildenburg +5

    My Godfather passed away late Monday night and my Grandmother died early this morning. One of my best friends from college is flying in to visit later today, I haven’t seen him in over 3 years. I’m afraid I’m not going to be much fun, seeing as I keep randomly bursting into tears.

    1. lilsebastian01 +11

      Well, either he’ll understand or he’s a jerk. Those are kind of the two options.

      I’m sorry about your Godfather and your Grandmother.

    2. tubatoothpaste +2

      Ugh, I’m sorry. I’m going to two funerals this weekend too, so I feel ya. :-/

    3. slowseptember +3

      I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope your friend’s visit gives you some comfort.

    4. elsamac +7

      Oh, Brunhildenburg, I’m sorry. That’s such a lot to shoulder at once.

      I hope your friend is a source of support and kindness to you during this visit. If not, I hope you feel comfortable taking time and space to yourself to grieve. Whatever you do, I’ll be thinking of you.

    5. winterbymorning +3

      I’m so sorry for your loss! My grandfather died almost 3 years ago and I still find myself thinking, “We haven’t talked in a while, I should call him!” It’s really tough.

    6. SarcasticFringehead +2

      Aww, no, I’m so sorry! Let me know if there’s anything I can do, including distracting your friend for a while if you need time to yourself.

    7. littlehuntingcreek +2

      I’m so sorry! That’s reason enough to be sad. I’m sure he’ll understand

    8. RoseCamelia +1

      Are you a planner? If so, this might help: Prepare two statements. One along the lines of “Two people close to me died this week. I’m not sure how much fun I’m going to be.” The second you have ready only if needed: “I am sorry I can’t continue our visit. I need time to grieve. Thanks for understanding. I’ll get a cab for you now.”

      I’m with lilsebastian01. He’ll understand or he’s a jerk. And I, too, and sorry about your godfather and grandmother.

    9. thisclimbingbean +1

      Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m sure your friend will totally understand, given the very sad circumstances 🙁 Big hugs.

  18. Olgasrevenge +55

    Happy birthday The Toast!

    I want to say thank you for all the mental health stuff you guys run here. It feels to me like most mental health coverage in media spotlights people with mental disorders doing terrible crimes or tortured artists or other very extreme examples. It’s really nice to read pieces about people with mental disorders just finding ways to manage their symptoms and live their lives. For me, that content is really life-affirming, and of course the commenting community always has heart-warming things to add.

    Here’s to many more years of willing foes and sea room.

    1. Just_a_Dinosaur +2

      So, I know that the willing foe and sea room thing is from some sort of military saying, but I have absolutely no idea what it means and would someone please explain it to me?

      1. ToTheIsLand +2

        I did look this up at one point (&/or Mallory explained it?), but it comes from the list of traditional toasts (drinking toasts, that is) from the British Navy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Customs_and_traditio…

        It seems apt for the often-contrarian nature of what The hypen Toast dot net is trying to accomplish, though.

  19. heythatsmybike +9

    Everyone is great, and Happy Birthday Toast and everyone and also America.

  20. turanga_leela +9

    Happy Birthday, Toast!

    This site has meant the world to me as it proves that I am not the only one out there, if you know what I mean. You all are my people. I have not only a deep love for Nicole and Mallory (and Nick for helping to make it all happen) but also for all of you in the comments. Thank you!

    I am here, today, just briefly as it took nearly 48 hours to get home from Croatia thanks to flying through O’Hare on Monday. I had two flights canceled, the second at 1:15 am on Tuesday morning after we had all lined up to get on the plane. I will be crawling back to bed now. Talk to you all tomorrow.

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      Welcome home. Flight cancellations are awful. I can’t imagine the navigation hell of dealing with it while tending children. You have superhuman strength. All mothers have.

      1. turanga_leela +2

        Luckily, I was by myself. The children are staying in Croatia with their grandparents until my husband goes at the end of July to pick them up. So glad they were not there.

  21. jhsaxena +48

    Happy Birthday, Toast! It is because of The Toast that I’ve gotten a lot more confident in my writing, both by actually writing and having people like Nicole and Mallory and all of you cheering me on. And because of that, I keep Making Moves. They may be small, but I think they’re working.

    Also last night I sat in my living room writing thank-you notes, wearing my Toast tank-top and underwear, and drinking straight rum. Wonderful way to spend a Tuesday.

    1. GreenGrasses +6

      Moooooooves! Do it!!!

      ETA: I hope Toast tank tops and underwear come back because I neeeeeed some

      1. HotDoom +5

        THERE WAS TOAST UNDERWEAR!?!?

        Seriously, I need misandrist underwear, what am I doing without it??

        1. jhsaxena +5

          Haha, no Toast underwear! Just Toast tank top, and whatever underwear I had on, which I assume was contrary to the Patriarchy in its own way.

          3. Just_a_Dinosaur +6

            I literally felt my heart rate pick up speed when I incorrectly parsed that A) there is Toast underwear and B) that I had missed the chance to get some. So now I need Toast underwear, please make some. 😀

  22. Atalanta_Is +6

    Happy birthday, The Toast! May this be the first of many!

    And then, just to bring the tone of the place down a little bit — I am currently in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend (and thus far, the only person I’ve dated) of 3.5 years. No specific reason, just that this relationship has run its course, and it’s not going to go any further than it has. Which, it’s for the best, it will all be totally fine, I am glad we are doing it amicably now instead of not amicably in the future, I am sure we will remain friends, I want the best for both of us (which is to say, to not be in this relationship), etc

    but right now it really, really sucks.

    1. RoseCamelia +3

      Yes, yes it does. It does suck. I am sorry. And I’m proud to know you, making such a mature decision and handling a breakup with dignity. It takes sooooo much energy, doesn’t it? Get some rest. And ice cream. Then rest some more. Be good to yourself.

  23. SwagHorse +11

    Happy birthday, The Toast! Thanks, Nicole and Mallory (ETA AND NICK AND MARIA OOPS), for creating such a fantastic space and running content I never knew I needed. And to the Toasties– I lurk more often than I comment, but you are the only comments section I look forward to reading.

  24. icebergmama +24

    Y’all already know how much this site and its commenters mean to me so I will just use this space to poll: should my knuckleduster ring say “BITCH” or “KHALEESI”? I’m leaning towards BITCH as the letters can be bigger.

    1. GreenGrasses +16

      Personally, I find BITCH to be a more aesthetically pleasing word than KHALEESI, so that’s where I’d put my vote.

    2. ArsenioB_Ham +13

      I think “BITCH” has a longer shelf life, too. Khaleesi might be a touch too trendy.

      1. icebergmama +4

        god DAMN it embryoconcepts! of course this is perfect but I already sent the email!!!

    6. littlehuntingcreek +4

      I like BITCH myself. My daughter gave me a tee shirt that says “You call me a bitch like that’s a BAD thing”

  25. anxious_mofo +11

    A big bouncing one-year-old Toast babby! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOAST.

    I’m so glad the Toast exists. I’m glad they are willing to publish so many diverse, wonderful, weird things. I’m glad all of us are here together.

  26. plspassthePinot +29

    Happy Birthday, Toast! You’re the bees knees! My general life stance of not giving a fk about what a man thinks is validated DAILY. I also ADORE your comment monitoring, creating one of the only positive safe spaces on the internets. 3 cheers! 3 Cheers for the Matriarchy!

    Teenage Dirtbag Report– About a dozen skater punk dirtbags w copious plugs at the beach practing breakdancing & soccer knee bouncing (I’m not “sporty”, you know that thing people do). Completely lost all tough-kid-ness when middle aged couple with adorable French Bulldog walked by; they all took a knee and started puppy-cooing and reaching to pet him. The couple was charmed. I jogged by charmed. #Puppies #Teens

  27. bastardsnow +31

    Happy Birthday to The Toast! I am an unworthy male and submit myself to the judgment of my betters (aka women). My wife seems to like me okay, but I know that is no guarantee.

    I do make really good scallion pancakes though. So. Please take that into account.

    1. rallisaurus +23

      OMG If I hadn’t already married you at that point I would have married you just for your scallion pancakes! Please, spare this one so he can continue to feed me fried flour and scallions.

  28. GreenGrasses +89

    I MADE A GREAT JOKE AT WORK YESTERDAY AND I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT because The Toast has nurtured my tiny proto-feminist self into a full-fledged ANGRY MISANDRIST WOMAN. Here is the story:

    America was beat by Portugal in the World Cup yesterday! A couple of work people and I were watching it and when the game was over, one of the dudes was joking around and being fake-silly angry and said “Oh yeah? Well…well…how big is Belgium’s army??” And I said calmly “Not very large, because their women actually have access to birth control.” And everyone laughed and all was merry and a part of me died inside thinking about how terrible America is.

  30. elsamac +23

    HEY EVERYBODY! Happy anniversary! Nicole, Mallory, Nick, and Maria, thank you so much for this marvelous place! Fellow writers and commenters, thank you for this community!

    A true testament to The Toast’s place in my heart: my laptop went sleepy-bye-bye last night and until I can sort that out, I’m writing on a crappy old laptop, bang up against a deadline and wrestling with with formatting problems, recovering passwords, and other technical annoyances. Obviously I’m only going to spend my energy opening up essential tabs and accounts.

    Late this morning I realized “Hey, your Intense Debate account is essential.” It’s essential for keeping me happy and even-keeled, essential for giving myself joyful breaks and moments of laughter and connection, essential for touching base with all of you.

  31. miprisci +32

    This is just the best place and you all are terrific and I’m thrilled to be able to comment here and see what you all have to say. The Toast, like The Hairpin and early-days Jezebel before it, has been instrumental in my development as a feminist ally and, to an even greater degree, a better man and human being. My journey is far from complete and I’m nothing if not a work in progress, but reading The Toast and all of your comments is like an indirect how-to guide on how to be a tolerable (and maybe even likable!) person in this world.

    1. Toft +13

      As another man, I cosign. Though I wasn’t around for early Jezebel or the heyday of the Hairpin; The Toast is my first venture into this world, and boy howdy is it better than the rest of the internet. This has been said before, but nowadays when I go look at comments sections anywhere else on the net, I’m shocked. Before, I was desensitized to the omnipresent misogyny of the internet, but The Toast has resensitized me somewhat. And that’s an extremely good thing.

      Emby, your presence on The Toast made me feel less weird about joining up. I haven’t really mentioned the fact of my nonwomanhood before now, but I’ve been commenting here sporadically for 20 weeks now, and the longer I go without mentioning it, the more I feel like, by not mentioning it, I’m implicitly impersonating a woman in order to better blend in ’round these parts, and that’s probably not a good thing to do.

      So Toasties, if you want to re-enact the scene from Greek mythology where Pentheus is discovered crashing the no-men-allowed party of the Maenads and they tear him to shreds, now is the time. But before I die, let me say that it was a great party.

      1. miprisci +3

        That’s super heartening to hear. You’re absolutely right about the re-sensitization thing. I can barely visit several sites I used to frequent, at least with the regards to the comment section.

      2. perianwen +11

        I firmly believe ally menfolk are important, especially if you go forth into the wide world and help correct the ‘information’ and assumptions some of your fellow dudes are operating under.

        1. laurenipsum +10

          Yes, this.

          Also we are all a work in progress. Except perfect Nicole and perfect Mallory.

  32. anachronistique +5

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY THE TOAST. It is also my mom’s birthday and I feel pretty confident she would enjoy the hell out of The Toast if she was more internet savvy.

  33. ocwut +91

    TRANS REPORT #1

    So, Toasties, I came out to all of you about a week ago and then told you guys that I would keep you updated. ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE

    For this week, the one major noteworthy event is that I came out to my sister! She was the first person in my family that I thought of telling, mainly because of our childhood together and how she has commented in the past that I’m not a usual guy. I mentally freaked out for a bit, but I stuck to it and called her a day or two ago.
    She was so great! I explained the general concept of trans*ness, and she was really supportive (minus one awkward question about “the surgery” but that seems forgivable, considering her overall stance.) Not only that, she reminded me of several instances in my childhood that support my conclusion about myself – most notably the time that I didn’t recognize myself in pictures because I was a boy.

    As for the near future, I am going to talk to my therapist next week about starting hormones. 🙂 Fortunately, the terror and fear about my future is slowly turning in to excitement! Tune in next week, Internet Friends, where I may or may not have more things to say!

    2. icebergmama +15

      YAY here’s to figuring out who you are supposed to be and taking steps to become that person! <3 very much admire your bravery and am excited for you!

    3. anninyn +16

      I’m so glad to hear this.

      Just remember, whatever you feel is fine, whatever you do is fine, whatever the pace you take to deal with this is fine.

    4. Genevievenumba4 +12

      Oh man, thank you for sharing this. The terror turning into excitement upon coming out of any closet is just fucking beautiful. And brave, and joyful, and basically everything that is good in the world. I hope it keeps getting better, but even for the days when it doesn’t, I bet this community will be here for you. Congratulations for just…all of it. 🙂

    5. ArsenioB_Ham +11

      Congratulations and good job! I am very excited to follow you on this journey to yourself, so I do hope you continue to post updates!

    7. RoseCamelia +5

      Happy for you! Soooo happy for you! And happy to hear from you. Do keep us up-to-date. Coming out is brave. Remember, you do *not* have to be out to everyone. Do what feels right today. Even if what feels right today did not feel so right yesterday. Trust yourself and give yourself time. I trust you.

  34. clarizard +14

    Happy Happy Toast Birthday!!!!

    I am very unfortunately working from home ON MY WEEK LONG VACATION. My relationship with my boss has deteriorated sort of rapidly, and I am looking to jump ship/take to the sea as needed. I have a third interview at google next week (I posted on here a few weeks back a real brief “EEK INTERVIEW” and the kind words were as always, assuaging and boosting), so send me more of those good toastthoughts.

    Thank you to all of you! This place is truly wonderful.

    1. clarizard +8

      ALSO in better news my sister in law had a baby and her name is Lucinda and she is lovely and already far surpassing her male peers at intelligence and tummy time.

      1. RoseCamelia +1

        Happy baby niece! Sorry about your working vacation and congratulations on making it to the third round with Google. They will love you.

    2. robot_dinosaur +2

      YAY GOOGLE good luck! I just got a job there! I wish I had good advice but I don’t! Only good wishes!

  35. mbculver +8

    Happy Toastiversary, you all! I love this site and all the people I’ve met here. Nicole and Mallory, thanks for this site and for being so awesome.

    I’m managing a big project at work, and one of my team members is demonstrating that happy combo of ineptitude and hyper-competitiveness, and I’m worried he’s going to take credit for some of my work. What is the best spell and/or most terrifying member of the Unseelie Court I can unleash on him? I’m thinking the ‘talk-only-gibberish’ spell and a boggart are a good pairing, but I’d welcome your professional opinions as well.

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      He will *try* to take credit. He will fail. Laughably.

      He will fail because you will call out or otherwise label his doings. Always with witnesses. “Did you hear Inept call that his idea? Funny guy!” “Well, that did not work at all, did it. It was Inept’s idea.”

  36. mittenstheboar +9

    Thank you for creating this sweet, safe, smart space on the internet. Love you Toast!

  37. anninyn +45

    Mallory and Nicole ARE aware they have a legion of starry-eyed fans just… waiting to be honed into a sharp weapon with which to dismantle the patriarchy? Across the globe, these women from all walks of life, just walking around, ready and waiting to be directed towards destruction?

    I mean, I kind of assumed that was the plan.

    1. Abanthis +20

      Shh, don’t compromise the Signal. The world will burn and New Lesbos will rise from the ashes, but all in good time.

      1. PonyAlong +1

        Can I join the West Kootenay region sleeper cell? This excites me like you wouldn’t believe. And I’m Canadian, I don’t excite easy.

        1. perianwen +1

          Casual, Canadian high-five to you. I’m sure the sisterhood in that region would be glad to add you.

  39. donkeywork +5

    Happy Birthday and Thanks to The Toast for being a place of refuge on the otherwise pretty grimy interwebs. It is so good to come here after burning out on looking for freelance gigs and both laugh my face off and learn how much there still is that I don’t know about. Love ya’ll for real.

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      How are you, Heather? You’re still in my thoughts, though you do not owe us an update until you *want* to give one.

      1. donkeywork +1

        Still haven’t found a forever home! So I’m a bit of a pound puppy until something comes through. Oh, and the handyman who “found” evidence of the attempted arson and would come to fix one hole but leave me with five? He’s currently living in my place. Hard to tell which gets the upper hand, general anxiety or annihilating fury. Once again, glad to have a misandrist site to lean on, ’cause at this point its becoming a religion with me.

        1. RoseCamelia +1

          OMG, living there? You are entitled to any anxiety you feel. Fury is an excellent counter measure. Wish I could help. I want better housing for you, even if its not yet a forever home. You’re still in my thoughts and you still have free lodging in my central Texas home whenever you want to visit. Seriously: rcmcdowell at verizon dot net

  40. MuseKray +3

    Is it okay to ask for book recommendations?
    Specifically books are that are surreal and experimental, but still fun to read. I just finished reading “Madeline is Sleeping” (which I highly recommend) and I’ve been itching to read more along those lines.

    Or else books where the author has fun with the prose. I heard Deb Olin Unferth recommended for her word play.

    1. miprisci +3

      I really liked “If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler…” by Italo Calvino. And also House of Leaves, but that’s divisive.

      1. Girl Named Jack +1

        Ah, I was just going to suggest some Calvino! I am a fan of Invisible Cities and The Castle of Crossed Destinies.

      2. MuseKray +1

        Ooh! Calvino has been recommended before. I’ll definitely check his stuff out.

    2. chloelikedolivia +1

      You might like Jesse Ball – his stuff is definitely kind of surreal and experimental.

    3. quotidianc +1

      I really enjoyed Karin Tidbeck’s Jagannath, which is a collection of surreal stories, often influenced by Scandinavian folklore. It’s hard to describe, but I definitely recommend.

      Also, I haven’t read it, but I’ve heard that Andrew Macrae’s Trucksong, featuring sentient trucks, is experimental and it was well reviewed.

    5. pearlrose

      How about Helen Oyeyemi’s “Mr. Fox”? Very interesting form and cleverly subversive.

    6. lilsebastian01 +1

      China Mieville is often classed as science fiction, but identifies as a “weird fiction” writer. If you’re OK with stuff that’s got aliens and inter-dimensional travel etc in it, I recommend his stuff. Of his books that I’ve read, Embassytown is probably the most fun. Perdido Street Station is the weirdest but it’s pretty horrifying. I enjoyed The City and The City but it’s a detective/mystery novel, so only read that if you like that stuff.

      1. quotidianc +1

        Yes! I haven’t read Perdido Street Station and Embassytown wasn’t my thing, but The City and The City is amazingly mind-twisty.

    7. fakely_mctest +1

      The Leper’s Companions by Julia Blackburn (discovered when I was going through a hardcore novella period…anyone have recommendations?): beautiful, lyrical language if that is your thing.

      The Manual of Detection by Jedediah Berry: postmodern detective story with dashes of fantasy.

      Orion You Came and You Took All My Marbles by Kira Henehan: feminist postmodern detective story (I guess I went through a phase with that too).

      Sub Rosa by Amber Dawn: sort of indescribable, the jacket pegs it as “a dark post-feminist vision,” which sounds about right.

    8. inapartydress +1

      I’m late to this party, but I second Deb Unferth. I worked on Revolution and it was a delight. I wouldn’t call her writing surreal, but she really does love to play with language and she’s quite funny. Fun fact: that book contains my first baby editing suggestion that an author used in a published book. It was thrilling, thrilling I tell you!

    9. ru_ri

      Jack O’Connell. My favorite is “The Skin Palace” but if you love words, maybe you would like “Word Made Flesh.”

    10. robot_dinosaur +1

      Ella Minnow Pea and “A Void”. Both have a lot to do with disappearing letters!

    11. Nausikaa

      Riddley Walker by Russell Hoban. Post apocalyptic lit from the eighties, very strange, very brilliant, and in an odd but gorgeous dialect invented by Hoban. (He also wrote the Frances the badger books for kids.)

      I also recommend The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt. (It’s not about a samurai and has nothing to do with Tom Cruise.) She’s an acerbic genius with a labyrinthine mind, and she doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

  41. rallisaurus +11

    Hey Toasties! I’ve been rewarding myself a lot lately because a) I got a promotion at work and b) my doctor made me cry and I needed retail therapy. Since jewelry is my current drug of choice please send to me all your favorite jewelry seller links.

    Oh, also, in a fit of impatience because my feminist word necklace hadn’t shipped I also bought a misandry word necklace. I made sure it was a different length so I could wear them together, and I’m pretty sure that when I do I will be able to control the universe.

    1. winterbymorning +2

      On Etsy I really like: thisandthatgallery, RachelleD, and AzureTreasures. I got earring and necklace sets from AzureTreasures for my bridesmaids and they all loved them.

    2. laurenipsum +4

      Wait what words are they? Are they just “feminist” and “misandry”? Because that would be pretty awesome.

    3. deleted2997279 +2

      I just bought two necklaces from Dovetail Jewelry on Etsy and they arrive today and I can’t wait! I also like Hepzzi, smallbluethings, PetitBlue, and if you want actual jewels, One Garnet Girl, LexLuxe, mastergoldcraft, and Galaxy Gems. And I’d be remiss not to mention my cousin’s site, Little Eli – all on etsy.

      Where did you get feminist/misandry word necklaces??

      1. rallisaurus +1

        deannewatsonjewelry and JoRasDesigns
        I haven’t received either one yet, so I can’t speak for quality, but both of these sellers had custom word necklaces. I don’t care if I have my name around my neck, but I do want to scare some men off with my jewelry.

    4. jackalopeia +5

      [whispers] I make jewelry and sell it here. I just came off a few months of downtime after moving to another country so the shop is not as fully stocked as I would like it to be but I’m so excited to be producing again and oh god toasties please love me

  42. mabissam +10

    Thanks to Mallory and Nicole for publishing my writing, making my dreams of being A Writer come true.

    Thank you to all the readers and commenters who read my work and enjoy it!

    Vive La Toast!

  43. ArsenioB_Ham +17

    I have been absent from the Friday open threads lately because my work has given us (most) Fridays off and it’s much harder to remember to be on my computer at noon when I’m not at work.

    The last time I wrote, about a month ago, I was dealing with the impending death of my estranged father. I really appreciated all the folks who weighed in. The overwhelming response was to let myself feel how I felt and not apologize for my feelings. I took this advice as best I could.

    I got word within a few hours of the open thread convo that my dad died. My partner and I traveled to his memorial service, which was held in MA, where his side of the family (mostly) lives. I was dreading the whole thing for lots of reasons but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be (it almost never is). My amazing little brother gave a terrific eulogy that was kind while still being honest.

    I am SO LUCKY to have an amazing support network in real life and online. I can’t imagine how much shittier things would have been without all you guys. Goddess bless Mallory and Nicole and Nick and Maria for creating and maintaining this space that fills my heart with joy.

    1. Es_Petal +1

      I remember that thread and I’m glad it wasn’t as awful as it might have been for you.

    3. RoseCamelia +1

      Your little brother is indeed amazing. And I am sorry for your loss, both the early loss of estrangement and the more recent death. Take care of yourself.

  44. Spinozagal +6

    Cheers to The Toast! In celebration of the anniversary & matriarchy here’s a link to the Ruth Bader Ginsberg dissent for the controversial Hobby Lobby contraception case. It’s a long read but so worth it, especially if you’re a Supreme Court nerd like myself (any toasties out there?). Enjoy & Viva Matriarchy!!!
    http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/06/supreme-c…

  45. Phoenix +1

    Happy birthday! And thank you Mallory and Nicole for giving me my start in blogging/journalism! Seriously couldn’t have done it without you guys and am so excited to continue spending time with you guys on the Toast!

  46. Abanthis +12

    Happy birthday, Toast, I love you all. It has been educational, ragemaking, uplifting, beautiful, and very very silly.

    1. aqueousmedium +3

      Abanthis, how perfectly phrased! The Toast has broadened my horizons, given me a sense of community, and made me laugh until I wheezed on a daily basis. Happy birthday, Toast, and thank you so much to Nicole, Mallory and Nick.

    2. perianwen +5

      I saw a meme on FB today that said something like “I want to spend the rest of my life laughing”, and I thought, well, that’s not a bad idea and I have just the place for you to start.

      In between serious/thoughtful pieces, obvs.

  47. Es_Petal +4

    Happy toast-birthday! I’m just back from a funeral so I’m a bit sad but this thread is helping.

  48. avidbiologist +2

    Happy Birthday, the Toast! Thanks so much for existing, for posting great content, for cultivating amazing commenters and community, and for publishing something I wrote so that even while mediocrely doing my few-skills-needed day job I can remind myself that my other skills haven’t atrophied!

  49. MilesofMountain +16

    It is amazing how quickly and throroughly The Toast has become my internet home. Thank you, Nicole and Mallory, for such an awesome site. Thank you Toasteis, too, for being the best commenters on the internet.

    Also, please cross your fingers for me. I had a job interview on Friday, afterwhich one of the interviewers pulled me aside to tell me he thought I had a 80% chance of getting it and that he really hoped I’d take it. I was supposed to hear from them today and now it’s noon and I still haven’t and I’m trying desperately to be calm. On the plus side, I have rhubarb custard pie at home that will either be a celebration pie or a eating-my-sadness pie depending on the outcome.

    2. PonyAlong +1

      Fingers crossed for you! And OMG, that rhubarb custard pie sounds amazing.

  50. elsajeni +3

    I am bored at work and could get away with going home early, but unfortunately my husband has plans for this afternoon that would be disrupted by me showing up unexpectedly, so I’m staying. What are y’all’s favorite time-killing internet distractions?

    1. spring chickens +1

      getting off the internet and going to a park, best of all, hurrah summer!

      (my internet time-killing tends to be the n.y. times, nothing special)

    3. CleverManka +1

      Um. The Toast? And Tumblr. Too-deep digging around anything else usually just ends in tears.

    4. RoseCamelia +2

      Distractions, plural? The Toast is not distraction enough? I get so swept up here that only my bladder reminds me to stand up and move around.

  51. amanita +4

    Thank you for making such a wonderful website, and making such a welcoming place for your writers and commenters both, and for Nicole for calling me in the nicest way possible a lunatic over my extreme mushroom enthusiasm. I will treasure that for always!

  52. Scared_Vagina +11

    I am LEAVING here (Dublin) on Friday and going home and then in a week’s time I am moving to London. I have had a shitty few months due to breaking up with what I fear may be one of the World’s Worst Humans, and I seriously hope this can be the start of something much better for me.

    As I start a new (office-based) job I hope I will have more idle time sitting around looking at the internet available (rather than working from home and being free to go outside and do other stuff when not working) so I hope this means EVEN MOAR Toast time.

    1. niamhlovesbooks +2

      Hey, internet hugs from another Dublin Toastie here. This place helped me quite a bit a few months ago when I was going through a bad time, so I hope it’s doing the same for you. Good luck in London and keep us updated! I’m thinking of taking the plunge myself sometime soon!

      1. Scared_Vagina +1

        Thanks! Yeah it’s funny, the last time I was struggling with life, it was the commentariat on the Hairpin that really helped me. Due to various reasons I never got into commenting on The Toast so much although I read it voraciously, but now I am determined to reinsert myself!
        I will be back to visit Dublin A LOT but yeah, let us know if you do decide to head towards London! I’m a native Brit so it’s more a repatriation than a scary adventure. I’m heartbroken to leave but I need to get away from the Worst Human and all that he stands for.

        1. niamhlovesbooks +2

          Go you! It sounds like you know what you’re doing. I think you should be very proud of yourself for taking the next step!

          Here’s a GIF for Toastie solidarity! 🙂 http://media1.giphy.com/media/BJ1trtzL2zNbG/giphy…

          An example of Toastie solidarity would be someone telling me to embed pictures, now that I think of it, hint hint… 😉

          1. Scared_Vagina +2

            If I’m not mistaken you can use HTML in comments – learn how here

            ETA: I wasn’t mistaken. Hooray! Consider yourself duly solidarized 🙂

          2. niamhlovesbooks +3

            Damn it, I could have attempted a HTML tag, but I was too afraid what I would look like in front of the cool kids if I failed…

            Hugs to you!

      2. dakimel +2

        One of my Dublin nieces is named Niamh. More internet hugs going to all the Dublin Toasties, present & past & future~

  53. theskyrbeast +13

    Happy birthday The Toast! Thank you all–Nicole, Mallory, Nick, Maria, and the totally wonderful Toast commenting community–for making The Toast the best place on the entire internet, and for forging my well-behaved and quietly grumpy feminism into an elemental force of outspoken and unapologetic intersectional misandrist fury, and for giving me a space in which I could fully embrace my true calling as a solitary witch with well-developed arm muscles.

    The Toast–long may she reign!

  54. madelynboesen +11

    It’s my birthday, too! Happy birthday, us!

    The Toast has provided me with 1) my first byline on a website that is not my own LiveJournal/Tumblr; 2) many glorious hours of distraction from my 9-5; 3) a sweet fucking tee shirt; and, most importantly, 4) a whole gaggle of fantastic women that I hang out with IN PERSON who do things like come to my birthday party and provide me with professional support and misandrist banter. LOVE YOU, The Coterie.

  55. deleted2997279 +30

    MY WORK COMPUTER SAYS MISANDRY IS NOT A WORD.

    Set it on fire, obviously.

    3. Just_a_Dinosaur +10

      I am borrowing liberally from the Toast when I say that misandry can’t actually be a real concept; after all, can one truly hate the pebble in their shoe?

    4. littlehuntingcreek +12

      I FIXED THAT ON MINE. Now it autocompletes MISANDRY when I type MIS and MANSPLAIN when I type man

      1. deleted2997279 +2

        Haha I wish I could do that, but I’d probably forget to fix that in an Important Document and end up with Explaining To Do!

  56. Just_a_Dinosaur +18

    Thank you Toast and Toasties! How amazing is it to have a website where you can read great articles and have the comments enhance the experience instead of destroying your hope for humanity? I can’t express how much I love this community.

    I hope y’all might be able to give me some advice. I identify as genderqueer, but being male-bodied I have been a bit terrified about presenting in more feminine ways. I paint my nails shiny colors, but that’s about it right now. I have wanted to wear a cute skirt for about a year now, and just the other day went to the mall to shop for one.

    I did not realize how awful and stressful this would be. I felt very self-conscious, was sure I looked like some sort of sexual predator, etc. I was so terrified and focused on my own feelings for most of the time that it wasn’t until later that I realized that my presence could be hurting others.

    I’m guessing it isn’t uncommon for men to go into female spaces and do creepy shit to get a sense of power or arousal out of it. Being male-bodied myself, I can see the possibility for my presence in women’s clothing sections to echo this oppression. I do not want this.

    What can I do to mitigate this? Are there ways I can dress or act that would make me less of a threat? Should I not even shop in public spaces? And of course, this is before I even think about wearing whatever I buy out in public…

    I’m panicking, and I’d love to hear some brilliant Toastie thoughts. Thanks!

    1. barbs +1

      Things to try: shop with a female friend along. Try younger and cooler stores where salespele will be chill. Be clear about what you want to do – is this costume, gender expression, looking pretty, trying to pass…and be clear with the store clerk about that. My lovely trans wife says these things helped her at different times as she figured out how she wanted to look. And express herself, tho as genderqueer your mileage may vary.

    2. Scared_Vagina +2

      Do you mean with reference to going into changing rooms? Because on the shop floor, I don’t really see that as a gendered or woman’s space, so if I saw someone of any body type browsing skirts I (as a straight cis woman) would never feel threatened or creeped by that.
      I don’t know if I’ve ever seen or heard of any dude going into ladies’ shopping places and looking at skirts with a view to exerting power over women, tbh. It seems like an odd way to do so and I wager most women wouldn’t even think it was creepy!
      In the changing rooms, I see maybe why you would feel slightly more strange, but agree with gingkotree – you have every right to be there – you’re buying the clothes and that’s what people who buy clothes do! Agree also with asking a ladyfriend to go with you if that will help you feel like your presence is legitimate.

    3. AddieJoy +5

      Hullo! Lady here. I don’t think a male-bodied person shopping for skirts would weird me out at all. I actually see dude-presenting people in the women’s department all the time. I don’t know if they are shopping for themselves or for others, but they are there and no one gives them a second glance. If you want to be more inconspicuous, you might try a department store where there are lots of reasons for walking in the front door. A plausible story, if you want one (and there is no need for you to have one–it’s just in case it would make you feel more at ease) is that you are shopping for your twin sister who is about your size.

      Shopping can be an intimidating and invasive experience, but that’s rarely due to the other shoppers. It’s the music, the employees, the ads everywhere, the lighting… The mall is a place of terror, and everyone trying to escape with material goods and most of their money is my ally.

      Best of luck in shopping. And you will look amazing in your skirt!

    4. robotneedslove +8

      Don’t skulk, and you won’t be creepy! Really, you have every right to be there. I’m a cis-gendered woman, and I don’t think I would even notice, probably, or I wouldn’t think much of it, unless a person was radiating nervous energy. Try not to radiate nervous energy, which sounds like the heart of the challenge.

      Here’s my suggestion, for what it’s worth. Try shopping in a department store in a low-traffic time, like 10:15 am on a weekday (if possible). Preferably a department store with relatively indifferent sales staff. I know which one I would send you to in my city. You can have some time to get used to the idea and experience of shopping for women’s clothes without a crowd around, and just kind of wander and be in that space for a while, unmolested (ha). I find crowded malls super stressful without the challenges you are currently facing.

      Good luck, and deep breaths!

      Also, if you really hate the experience of shopping and just want a skirt, it’s totally fine to shop online. You don’t have to break down all these walls at once. Just don’t stay out of stores because you’re worried you don’t belong. It’s ok. You belong. Capitalism is a great equalizer.

    5. paperbgprincess +7

      All of the other commenters have suggested some good things! One other thing you may want to try is shopping in thrift stores. In my experience, thrift stores have a real “anything goes” vibe and there are lots of different kinds of people buying lots of different kinds of stuff. Also, if there are changing rooms they’re usually not separated by gender. And if you don’t feel comfortable trying stuff on in the store, you can pick up several things cheaply and try them on in the comfort of your home.

    6. alicia +1

      This just made me want to hug and tell you everything is going to be okay. Agreeing with the crowd that men shopping for women’s clothes is never creepy, and I ‘m not sure where that idea might have come from? I don’t know your budget or where you shop, but a lot of the fancier stores/department stores will do “personal shopper” stuff where you make an appointment to sit with someone and get recommendations for things targeted to your desires/budget. If this is an option it might be nice to do, since you could clearly state what you’re looking for in advance and not feel like you have to tell your life story on the spot with a stranger right when you walk in.

    7. samburgers +4

      Oh gosh that is so stressful.

      As others have said, I strongly recommend finding some bomb ass friends and making them walk around with you. There is nothing like a pack of queer-positive individuals to help you feel more confident in your right to do your gender in whatever way feels best for you.

      You’re right that some people will be spooked by your presence in the women’s section/a women’s store, but you’re not a predator and you’re not there for predatory reasons. You’re no less entitled to that space than female-bodied women are.

      I am a MISANDRIST LADY who ACTIVELY BURNS ALL MEN DOWN and I am welcome in the men’s section. I sometimes go into the men’s section and say “WOW WHAT A SAUSAGEFEST” because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, so like, you sound like a shining star of store patron by comparison. GO SHOP AND BE MERRY

    8. blushingflower +1

      It is not uncommon for men to be in women’s stores, and there is nothing inherently creepy or gross about it. The general assumption is that they are there either with or for their partners/women in their lives. Don’t skulk or lurk or otherwise look creepy, be polite to the salespeople. I actually would also not feel particularly creeped out/threatened in the changing area – assuming you weren’t trying to look into my actual changing cubicle. But other people might. You might be best off going to a dept store that has men’s changing rooms as well, or trying things on at home. Shopping online means you can compare the store’s size chart to your actual measurements, which can be very convenient if you don’t feel like trying on 4 sizes of the same damn thing.

    9. robot_dinosaur +1

      I think it’s awfully brave of you to do that! As a female-bodied person I know I would have difficulty shopping in the men’s section so I think first of all I want to acknowledge that that was brave of you, very brave. Also, it’s so kind of you to worry about whether your presence is hurting others, but I think that it is very unlikely to be the case. You sound nice, if nervous. If you have a female-bodied friend to bring with you, it might help alleviate your anxiety. They would let you know if you were being weird! And they will probably have some good advice about how the clothes are fitting you (as long as your friend was not someone like me; I am so bad at clothes.) Good luck!

    10. Just_a_Dinosaur +1

      I am overwhelmed by all of your advice and support! There is so much good advice here, and I am going to use it all!

      My big take-away is that it sounds like some of my fears might be less rational than I thought, so I’m going to try to relax a bit. Maybe buddying up with a female friend, as many of you suggested, will help ease this process. Time to plan a shopping day… 😀

  57. logicbutton +7

    Oh hey Nicole, how do you feel about nanaimo bars? Mindy told us about nanaimo bars for Canada Day on Twitter yesterday, and now we’re all obsessed. (Okay, some of us. Okay, me.)

    Here are the nanaimo bars I made last night:

    1. WanderingDancer +2

      What is this sorcery? Those look amazing, and I’m not even 100% sure what they are (confused American over here).

      1. logicbutton +7

        I, too, was but a confused American until yesterday.

        They are sticks of butter coated in chocolate.

        1. alicia +2

          “custard-flavored icing”. That is not a phrase I would ever have anticipating seeing.

        2. WanderingDancer +2

          Oh, that looks beautiful! I might try the tip from the comments about making it with oats instead of sweetened coconut; they look as if they might be too sweet for my taste.

      3. MilesofMountain +3

        They are a layer of coconut and chocolate cookie base (sometimes with nuts), a layer of custard/icing, and a layer of chocolate. They are really common in Canada and I’ve never been able to figure out why they aren’t more popular in the US.

        1. littlehuntingcreek +2

          I only know about them because my father is Canadian. They are amazing

        2. WanderingDancer +3

          That sounds glorious! I think it should be my summer project to make them popular in my corner of the US. Maybe make some and bring them in for the interns at my office?

    2. MilesofMountain +3

      I grew up near Nanaimo, and I love them and the IDEA of them, but they are so so sweet! At one point I had the idea to modify the custard layer to make it less of a sugar-bomb, but I never got around to it.

      1. logicbutton +2

        They are one of the only desserts I have ever encountered that I haven’t been able to eat half a batch of in a single sitting. Intensity all around. So many ingredients, so many different kinds of delicious fat and sugar.

    3. perianwen +2

      They are so good and everyone who is able to should be eating them. I still need to make a batch for a friend in Chicago who has never tried them.

    4. donkeywork +3

      Misread as NaNoWriMo & thought I could definitely hack up a novel in a month with a pan of these and pot of coffee. Now I see it’s a place name. Still drooling.

  58. annway +1

    Hi everybody! I just bought tickets to Italy for this November! I plan on staying there with friends for about a week, then ferrying over to Croatia and exploring the coast for about a week. Any recommendations for must-see places in Croatia for a lady taking her first solo international trip? Which cities should I make sure to hit?

    1. RoseCamelia +1

      Ask again in the Friday Open Thread in hopes of advice from Turanga_leela. She just got back from Croatia.

  60. tekkah +6

    Happy Birthday, Toast!!! This is my favorite place on the internet and I love everyone I have met and befriended because of it. I love how thoughtful and bright and kind you all are, even in vehement disagreement, and I love how funny and multifaceted and passionate you all are, and I love how PRETTY you all are, and I love everything about you guys.

  61. niamhlovesbooks +22

    This place. You guys! *is incoherent with FEELS*

    No, seriously. Congrats for being the first place on the web where I actually want to read ALL of the comments. Not just some of them. ALL.

    And thank you, Nicole and Mallory. You are a pair of evil geniuses and have made me laugh more times than I can count this year, including a really rough time in my life. I am now at the stage where my good friends APOLOGISE to me for “not getting to read that Mallory piece you posted on Facebook yet.” The stage where matriarchy triumphs!!

  62. Linette +8

    Happy birthday, Toast. You are responsible for me taking in hand several young people and teaching them not to be casually sexist/racist/homophobic/transphobic, and also for me being unable to re-read any children’s book without wondering how Mallory will destroy it. And much of my joy and tears and for me having so much support through a rough year. You are great, all hail our Queens, I cannot wait to be home so I can type this on actual keyboard!

  63. CleverManka +1

    Hi! So hi! And guess who fucked up her back on a something-gone-terribly-wrong deadlift yesterday morning! GOOD TIMES!

    1. RoseCamelia +1

      Nooooo. I have controlled-substance pain meds for post-surgery. Wishing I could give you some. Though that would be irresponsible. Yeah well, so is misandry. I just hate to think of you in pain.

    2. silverandsnow +1

      Back pain is THE WORST. Five minutes of shoveling did me in for two weeks in February. Hope you feel better soon!

  64. Sairen +1

    Open Thread, right? Nothing’s off topic? Okay, I recently broke my ankle. Been not walking or walking with helping gadgets for 9 weeks now — it’s getting better, thanks! — and I started going back to the gym about two weeks ago. They have a big parking lot, so there are about 10 handicapped spots up front. The rest of the parking lot is usually packed. There’s almost always at least one person parked in the handicapped spots with no tag or permit and, gentle readers, it drives me NUTS!!!!
    The greeters at the desk don’t seem to care. To be honest, little harm IS done because there are always plenty of spaces available. I mean, sure there ARE people with limited mobility at the gym, but there truly aren’t many. But it still drives me crazy cuz it’s illegal and it’s unfathomably rude and inconsiderate and entitled.

    What can I DO? (Other than fume to my Toasties (you are all the best))

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      Thinking. There must be something. Thinking of a way to shame them. The more publicly the better. Maybe wait at the front desk while they page the license plate number? Then confront them, loudly. That would be my style. Maybe not yours.

    2. dakimel +3

      It really is appalling that at the gym of all places they can’t be arsed to walk the extra feet from the normal parking spaces.

      I’d do things like park right next to them, then spend a lot of time using their car as a holder for my crutch, gym bag, water bottle, etc as I laboriously take one item at a time out of mine. (I’m assuming there are big windows overlooking those spaces, like at my gym.)

      Also this reminds me of my trainer, who bought his grandfather’s car, which had a handicap placard on it. He used to always park in the handicapped spots. Dude. You’re a buff 23 year old & you’re making me do burpees. Park in a non-handicapped space.

    3. samburgers +8

      Call your city’s non-emergency line and TATTLE ON THEM. It is indeed illegal, and it’s WILDLY ENRAGINGLY INCONSIDERATE. The cops will come and give them a ticket.

      I call the cops every time I see this happen. A ticket has resulted every single time. It is extremely gratifying. SOCIAL JUSTICE.

      1. thisclimbingbean +1

        Yep, this. The people who work at the gym would have little effect on this, but it’s illegal and your local friendly parking inspector would be happy to help, I’m sure!

  65. helen_jeffs +9

    This is the most lovely place on the internet, and I so wish I could be in comment conversations more (different time zone and no office job so I never seem to be online at the right moment). I read everything though, much to the detriment of my work and toddlers 🙂

    I just think you’re all wonderful, kind, interesting people and I learn more from Toast articles than I do from anything else, anywhere. Thanks for making this what it is. Also thanks to Nicole for, like, the nicest and kindest rejection email I’ve ever had. I swear by the power of Greyskull, ONE DAY I WILL WRITE SOMETHING TOAST-WORTHY.

  66. Lyzz13 +31

    I QUIT MY HORRIBLE JOB ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and they already FedExed my final paycheck and vacation pay out) No plans, not job set up, just done and gone, and feel so much better. I’ve been sleeping for more than 4 hours a night for the first time in a year, and no horrible work dreams.

    Thanks to my amazing support system, I’ve hit the ground running. Some 1099 work now, getting my applications pulled to the top of the stack elsewhere. I’m gonna be all kinds of ok.

    And honestly, this would not be possible without a lot of you. All the open threads with people asking for job advice, asking if they should leave where they are, and the sheer disbelief I’ve seen on some of my job posts for the crap I was expected to do. So THANK YOU ALLLLLLLL

    1. MuseKray +1

      Having probably worked at the same place you quit, I cheered when I saw your post on Monday. I don’t know how that place manages to function.

  67. Slugs +5

    I read The Toast pretty much every day and am really glad it exists but rarely comment because I just don’t have much to contribute and like reading what everyone else says, but I just watched this clip of Glenda Jackson having a massive go at Iain Duncan Smith about his counterproductive or possibly evil welfare reforms and thought here would be a good place for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jckm3X5MXo&f…

  68. evieskye +2

    Happy Birthday, Toast!!! You make everything more bearable and lots of things extra-wonderful.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you excellent humans who counseled me in the open thread last Friday. Your help and advice was exactly what I needed.

    I will be making jam (peach and peach/raspberry) on the 4th/ And drinking a lot (but not while jam because… knives. heat. boiling). And catching up on the mound of un-read comics I have.

    Growing up my dad used to read us his favorite bits from the Federalist Papers and then we’d watch 1776. “Pins, John!”

  69. deleted234694 +8

    The Toast is the MOST!!! My job doesn’t really allow me time to do much in the way of Internet commenting (boooo), but I’ve been lurking here pretty much every day since Day 1, and today of all days I decided I HAD TO create an account, if only to join the chorus and say that this place is nothing but delightful, and I am so happy it exists. Thank you Nicole, Mallory, Nick, & Maria!

    BTW if anyone is looking for an enjoyable summer read involving HORSES, the 1930s, southern belles, the patriarchy, sex, and SCANDAL–I’m only about half-way through but I recommend ‘The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls’.

    1. GreenGrasses +4

      YES I AM LOOKING FOR ALL OF THESE THINGS ALL OF THE TIME. Thank you!

      ETA: A lot of the review on Amazon complain about the main character’s “aggressive sexuality.” I’m sold.

  70. littlehuntingcreek +3

    Happy Birthday Toast! Kudos to Nicole and Mallory and Nick and Maria for making this corner of the web our favorite place.

  71. eleventysix +8

    Happy Birthday, The Toast,

    I am late (in character), but would still like to take time to add to the heaps of appreciation for The Best Place On The Internet: Thank you to Nicole and Mallory and Nick and Everyone for making a clever and safe space to learn from and relate to so many different and insightful people. Thanks for finding a way to draw some of the wittiest and most sincere commenters to elaborate on writing and comics that are somehow always worth the read. And thanks to ToastieTwitter for giving me a place to be ridiculous and interact with people who genuinely have made my life better.

    Basically, the dash toast dot net is an internet haven – long may it reign.

  72. autumnlorayne +7

    Happy Birthday!
    I will add my voice to those who finally, after shyness and dragging of feet, made themselves accounts so their names will show up as Blue! For some reason this is terrifying. But you all seem like amazing people, so I will take a deep breath and click the button.

    Long Live The Toast!

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      How can there be any debate? There is no argument Against. Toast all around!

      1. perianwen +2

        Well, only that I was going to make something a little fancier. But that is easily put off to tomorrow.

  74. lemonadefish +1

    Happy Birthday! I am going to go eat some pound cake (from my grocer’s freezer, because it’s too damn hot to use the oven) to celebrate.

  75. annaleszkie +2

    I’m looking for really really misogynist songs covered (and genderswapped) by female artists to become unashamedly misandrist anthems. They are my new drug. So far my favourites are a great cover of Under My Thumb by Freedonia and Nancy Sinatra’s version of Run For Your Life – anyone have any others???

  76. clairebm +1

    Happy Toastiversary! I’m late as always, darn time differences, but just wanted to echo everyone else and say thanks so much for this amazing little place on the internet! I love everyone here, there are always so many awesome articles to read, and the comments are just as good! Hurrah for the celebration of misandry!

  79. ikkepagrasset +3

    I’m so late to this — blame church meetings — but thank you God for this space, where every post is a delight and the comment section is filled with smart, sensitive people who prioritize community over drama. Long live The Dash Toast Dot Net! Long Live The Toasties!

    1. ToTheIsLand +1

      I was not home today, so I didn’t get to participate in this love-in either, but: Hurrah! So much love to The Toast.

  80. thisclimbingbean +1

    I’m late to the party, but I blame timezones.

    Happy Birthday, The Toast. This is such a professional, polished site that I was honestly surprised it’s only a year old. You guys do an awesome job, writing and editing consistently excellent content. It’s truly a pleasure to visit and know that I’m going to be reading top quality writing. Thank you so much for creating and maintaining this space.

  81. sweenex +1

    First time I’ve commented on the Toast, but it seemed an appropriate time to.

    I will always have a place in my heart for that random Tumblr user (extremely frustrated that I can’t remember who) who linked me to The Rage of Jonathan Franzen (aka, one of the greatest pieces of writing of our times) which led me to read back through EVERYTHING and then check in daily ever since.

    I love that you lot can make me cry with laughter (often) and genuine, empathetic, heartbreak (occasionally)

    Happy Birthday Toast, thank you for ‘getting it’

    x

  82. sewing_bee

    Happy birthday!

    Guys, I had a sexy (though pretty PG-13) dream about the guy from the It's Okay to Be Smart. In the world of the dream, my guy (of 5+ years) was there and just kinda dealt with us, like, cuddling on the couch and makin' out. It's shaping up to be one of those dreams that hangs over reality for a while. In the dream, I was basically ready to head off into the sunset with this guy. I don't think dreams are windows into our psyches so much as they are random firings and recombinations of the day's thoughts/events, so I guess it's just the realness of the dream that's weirding me out. It's hard to describe, because dreams, but it's strange!

    Sort of related: once while waiting for my lunch order, a woman on the teevee asked Dr. Oz about her sex dreams, as if they were a bad/sinful thing and something that reflected really badly on her, and Dr. Oz said — no joke — that it was because her husband didn't take the trash out often enough. Hear that, ladies? Sexy dreams aren't just a (fun) normal part of adult sexuality — they're a sign that your good-for-nothing husband needs to do more chores! When he does, you'll only have sex dreams about him. Obviously!

  83. notpollyanna

    Yes yes yes yes to the mental health coverage.

    The stories make my boyfriend sad and he asks if I have felt like that and it spurs conversations about it. This is a good thing. It isn't pleasant stuff and he hasn't seen me when I am sick (been pretty stable on a steady cocktail for a while), but he likely will and I want him to know what he is signing up for.

  84. Hotbuttonissue +2

    Happy Birthday, Toasties! I came here from the Hairpin on the very first day. And this is the only website where I even have a commenting account, though I hardly ever post. Love ya, mean it. MISANDRY FOREVER.

  85. RoseCamelia

    Thanks, friend. I am better. Hugely relieved to be rid of the Hulk. But frustrated that "better" is only incrementally so. And frustrated that all the well-informed people on my team (doc, biologist hubby, etc.) are firm about my pace being as expected. For example, I have to lie down after taking a shower, not enough energy left for getting dressed.

    Patience is largely a stranger to me. So keep my beloved in your thoughts. He took me to a restaurant last night, at my request, then ate while I sat very still, suddenly too tired to consider eating, myself. Then he made a second order when I felt better. Then he waited while I picked at my salmon. All the while he had to listen to me bitch about being tired. Poor guy.