Look, I’m a asshole who is happy to pay $9 for a Paleo convenience meal, sure. CREED ARMS, as Mallory would say. But I don’t want to pay $9 for a Paleo convenience meal called NOBLE SAVAGE. Where did they focus-group that? A single Crossfit box? SOME OF US are knee-jerk whiny progressives who would still enjoy a nice grass-fed beef bolognese with zucchini noodles they didn’t have to cook themselves.
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FLAILS HAPPILY!!!!!
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Yes, thank you, earbuds are disgusting and painful and fit no one:
The modern earphone comes in two main types—both of which are deeply flawed. The prevailing earbud design (the kind often included with the purchase of, say, an Android device) involves silicone bulbs that jam deep into your ear canals, creating a seal. Some people have no problem with these small invaders. But many others among us—myself included—find them intrusive. Painful, even.
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The making of “Homer at the Bat” and just, you know, The Simpsons in general:
Bush really should’ve picked his battles more carefully. His wife was criticized in 1990 for calling the show “the dumbest thing I had ever seen.” In return, “Marge Simpson” wrote her a letter in reply, explaining how she was deeply hurt by the comments. The situation was put to rest with the First Lady, amazingly, writing a letter back to the fictional TV mom, apologizing for her “loose tongue.” It’s hard to fathom now, two decades later, with the show ensconced in a family-hour time slot, but The Simpsons was once dangerous.
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he sent her a dick pic at a MUSEUM while they were on a DATE
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In some ways, the word “fight” is misleading: a mixed-martial-arts match is an athletic event and a brainteaser. Rousey says her job is to figure out how to respond to her opponent’s attacks and lapses, and then train until those responses become reflexes. But she also knows that M.M.A. wouldn’t be so popular if its matches didn’t provide a rough facsimile of street-corner fistfights, and if even the most erudite fans didn’t find themselves, at least once or twice a night, howling for violence. Rousey herself isn’t immune to this temptation to confuse a fight with a fight, and she says that, inevitably, there comes a time in training camp where mere technical superiority doesn’t seem like enough. She says, “I always think to myself, If I ran into them in a parking lot and they slapped my little sister, would I be able to beat the hell out of them? And the answer is always Yes, I would.”
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Oh, what a great opportunity to break out our new retort! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HARPER LEE’S FONDNESS FOR BURGER KING SALADS, DWIGHT GARNER:
“The Mockingbird Next Door” conjured mostly sad images in my mind. Ms. Lee has a regular booth at McDonald’s, where she goes for coffee. She eats takeout salads from Burger King on movie night. When she fishes, she uses wieners for bait. She feeds the town ducks daily, with seed corn from a plastic Cool Whip Free container, calling “Woo-hoo-HOO! Woo-hoo-HOO!” Somehow learning all this is worse than it would be to learn that she steals money from a local orphanage.
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Everybody else is gonna link to the GQ profile of Kanye West, so WHY NOT US?
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I personally believe that only meglomaniacal monsters run for President, since no President ever actually gets anything done and it ruins your family, and they are all deeply narcisstic and broken inside, but I am also guilty of finding Joe Biden adorable.
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Why colleges handle sexual violence reports.
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The Paris Review on the Bee Gees, naturally:
None of this makes any sense until you remember their upbringing: cocooned, with extreme arrested development, they had no instincts for cool pop moves. With ill grace, they’d always point the finger when things went wrong, always be the first to build themselves up (on 1973’s Life in a Tin Can—“the best thing we’ve ever done, we think, and everyone who’s heard it agrees.” No, it was entirely unmemorable), or chide a fellow act in decline (Maurice on John and Yoko: “They say ‘power to the people’ but charge enormous prices for seats at their concerts”). Blaming anyone but themselves. Blaming it all on the nights on Broadway. They would walk out of interviews on a regular basis and, until the end, found it hard to understand their place in history after the almighty eighties backlash. So they were childish and childlike. Forgive them. They wrote a dozen of the finest songs of the twentieth century. The Bee Gees were children of the world.
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
I am amazed at Dodai’s fortitude. If a dude had done that to me, the second he had the words “I’ll send you something else, too” out of his mouth, I’d be up and headed for the door. “SHUT IT DOWN. We’re done here. Shut it down.”
Seriously, she is amazing. While he’s in the bathroom, ask for dessert in a to-go box, put the cost of your meal on the table in cash, and get the fuck outta there.
The whole situation is just too preposterous for words.
That takes a level of self possession I will never have. I might have at long last gotten to flip a table over in rage, though.
But seriously I want to know HIS thought process. I want to know what specific series of thoughts and decision making mechanisms were involved in this. Like, how do you go from “having a pretty nice time out with a lady, just met her not too long ago, probably don’t even know her last name” to “gonna take a picture of my dong in a museum and go ahead and forward that along to her while I take a piss, doo doo dooooo, this is a great idea I’ve had”.
AND HE’S IN HIS 40s! That makes it worse to me — it’s not like he’s a jackass 18 year old.
Your comment brings up some important questions. I read it as he sent the pic before he went to the bathroom and I just assumed that he had the dick pic already saved on his phone. Perhaps he sends it to all dates as sort of an audition or psychological test. “Her reaction to this unsolicted photograph of my genitals will tell me ALL I NEED TO KNOW about whether this dame is a good prospective mate.”
It makes more sense that he’d take the picture in the bathroom, though. But then, aren’t dic pics usually of an…aroused member? Wouldn’t it be fucking awkward for him to be in the men’s room, sporting a hard-on and staging a photoshoot?
MYSTERIES ABOUND.
Maybe he DID have one on his phone already! I mean, you’d think one would plan ahead for these things.
But then he made did make a point to get up and go to the bathroom, so maybe he just got hit with a bolt of gross inspiration and just went with his heart (to the bathroom to take pictures of his possibly erect?? member that he then sent to a virtual stranger to whose company he would be shortly returning).
“Her reaction to this unsolicted photograph of my genitals will tell me ALL I NEED TO KNOW…”
I think that is the (probably unconscious) thought process at work in these cases, with the crucial distinction that what it tells him is how willing a prospective partner is to tolerate or make excuses for his boundary violations.
If she accepts it without a fuss or makes the necessary mental adjustment to excuse it and continues to treat him as a potential partner, he’s both gotten whatever cheap thrill he desired and learned something about her boundaries. If she walks, he’s had the cheap thrill of imposing his nudity on an unwilling party and he gets to move on to the next prospect, someone who might have different boundaries or — and I think this is very, very often the real point — has similar boundaries but is less willing or capable of speaking up when someone transgresses.
This is in no way an indictment of the author; we’re all trained to makes excuses for other people’s deviations from social expectations, and women are indoctrinated much more intensively in this, especially when the person violating norms is a man, double-especially when the transgression is sexualized. And of course, she gets to decide her own boundaries, just like I get to decide mine.
OK, YES, THIS. THIS is why it creeps me out to nopetopus levels.
You are so smart & I’m depressed that there needs to be, in this world, someone as wise as you about this kind of thing.
AND publishing an article on how it is a total nopetopus call means that now it’s out there as a thing people do; it’s easier to ridicule something the second time you hear about it. Her article might be one of the best ways to shut that shit down.
Good point: the author — and anyone else — is under no obligation to deal with an unwanted dick pick in any particular way except the way she feels like dealing with it, but yes, by writing about receiving one while still on an apparently-successful first date and (excuse me) unpacking the experience a little bit, she signals to others of us who might find ourselves in her shoes and gives us a heads-up to be prepared. Like any other scenario, it’s got to be a little easier to react in real time if you’ve already considered what your range of reactions might include.
The article also conveys the message that her companion ruined what she describes as otherwise a very good date, so YO DUDES, if you aren’t a boundary-pushing creep but actually think sending the dick pic on the first date is a sexy, playful gesture of interest, MAYBE RETHINK THAT OKAY?
Yes, this!
A lot of the self-defense training we taught (especially to high school girls) was about setting the first boundary as early as possible, and if the guy doesn’t listen to it, walk away RIGHT THEN.
Also applies to NOBLE SAVAGE if you think about it.
If I had been in her place, I probably would have finished out the date because any guy who thinks that behavior is appropriate is probably at least a little unstable, or an entitled misogynist douchebag. I’d be worried about what would happen if I tried to abruptly leave. :/
(I cannot take credit for this; found via tumblr)
THAT IS PERFECT
Perfection.
So help me! So help me! AND CUT.
Really? You were “horrified” that Harper Lee, an elderly lady, takes part in activities 95% of Americans take part in? Adorable things like feeding ducks and eating takeout salads while watching a movie? This is WORSE than learning something like “stole money from an orphanage?”
Go to hell, sir, stuff like this is why people hate the New York Times book reviews and are convinced that WASPy East Coasters look down on them. You are part of the problem, congratulations.
There is actually nothing better than eating takeout while watching a movie and I am HONORED that Harper Lee and I have this small but important connection, so that guy can shut the hell up.
Yessssss.
The first fight I had with my boyfriend was when I suggested that we pull in at a Burger King when we needed to stop for food during a road trip. He acted like it was a STAIN ON MY CHARACTER that I would even consider eating a drive-thru burger and proceeded to make disparaging comments about my Midwestern upbringing during the ensuing argument. (To be fair, I responded by waving my pinky finger around and making a fancy-man voice, which is probably equally inappropriate.)
So anyway I’m still a little pissed about that and ready to go to bat for anyone who suffers character assassination due to their eating at Burger King. Harper, tell me where he is and I’ll go get ‘im.
I wouldn’t have even known what to make with that but it would have been extremely ugly. (Where else are you supposed to eat on a road trip? Small towns on the side of the road do not always have Yelp-approved adorable diners where you can get a to-die-for grilled cheese with homemade tomato soup. Small towns frequently have a gas station and a Dairy Queen and you’d better pack a lunch if you don’t like it.)
Best part about road trips through Texas is that there are SO MANY Dairy Queens!
I love me a dipped cone!
I responded by waving my pinky finger around and making a fancy-man voice
No, this is hilarious, you’re completely in the clear.
It’s really the best response possible in so many situations.
My thoughts, exactly! Additionally, I’m totally coppin’ this move and can’t wait to use it.
I went to hippie college and for years was like nooooooo fast food is poison and one day my brother in law told me to stop being a fucking elitist and handed me a sausage mcmuffin and the heavens opened and I never looked back.
An ex boyfriend once told me “that kind of lazy thinking is going keep you LOWER middle class for the rest of your life” (can a tone sneer? his tone was definitely sneering). I think we were talking about why I didn’t like the movie “The Dreamers.” It’s now shorthand between me and my sister for insufferable douchebaggery. Snobs, you guys. The worst.
Who the fuck is Dwight Garner?
Ok I have read this now.
Dwight Garner’s review conjured mostly sad images in my mind. Garner pedestilizes authors without ever considering their humanity. He walks past the line for Burger King on movie night and sniffs with derision. He kicks at the town ducks daily, then trips over his own leg calling “woo-hoo-HOO”.
Somehow learning all this is worse than it would be to learn that he steals money from a local orphanage as he just sounds so fucking whiney.
Also I’m convinced that the Toast, as a whole, could come up with a better name than “Noble Savage” in about twenty minutes of dedicated thinking. Jesus did NO ONE involved in this process look at that and think “You know….maybe not” in the WHOLE START-UP PROCESS? Not ONE person? I give up on this world.
Oh, my dear. That’s not how it works. Everyone, everyone said nonononono to Noble Savage. Everyone gave compelling business reasons to dump it. But it was the idea of the tone-deaf, self-centered owner. Or of his brother-in-law who has enough dirt on him to blackmail him into the next century.
One person’s idea. Only one. But one who is powerful/wealthy enough to get his way.
I wish I had enough faith in people to believe that multiple people said this was a stupid idea, but sadly I believe it’s a failure in education and common sense more than anything.
How about Creed Arms?
I think it’s only fair of them to warn us that their science comes from 17th century philosophy.
Your comment opens up so many more possibilities for meal names. “Steak of Nature”, anyone?
Noble Savage is a 100% perfect and brilliant name for a company trading on the paleo fad. It’s not a flattering one, but that’s because it’s accurate
What the fuck is this comment. Seriously?
1. You might think it’s 100% perfect and brilliant, but that is just your opinion, man. What isn’t just an opinion is the fact that the term Noble Savage is highly problematic, racist, and carries a shit ton of baggage.
2. Paleo is not a fad. Seriously. The term might be new and the idea might be gaining ground with the public at large, but eliminating grains and focusing on protein and vegetables is a dietary technique that was recorded in medical journals as early as the 18th century.
3. Unflattering but accurate? How can an offensive term be an “accurate” name for a food product?
Maybe you’re anti-Paleo eating and that’s cool. Every body is different and everyone has eating styles that work better or worse for them. But your comment here is seriously uncool for a number of reasons.
Edit: I’m getting ready to pop offline for the rest of the day, so wanted to say apologies in advance if I misunderstood your intent with your comment.
Yeah I’m sure you were just as evangelical about it when it was called the ’18th century scientists say don’t just eat tons of carbohydrates ’cause they’re cheap’ diet
I fail to understand how I’m being evangelical about anything. The only thing I’m saying is Don’t Be An Asshole With Your Comments. There’s enough asshole commenters on Every Other Website In Existence.
Whoa there. I have a rare adrenal disorder that is mysteriously controlled by a diet that is like paleo, but crazier. (My endocrinologists have no idea why it works, but are like keep doin’ it.) I have bloodwork to show that it makes a difference in my life, but it kind of annoys me that this should be necessary. People’s bodies are different, and anyone who says Science understands how diet interacts with the endocrine system, the micro biome, the immune system / inflammatory response or any other damn thing is flat out lying, whichever side of the fence they fall on. The human body is unbelievably complex, and we really don’t know dick. We especially can’t predict how individual physiology complicates an already unbelievably complex system. If eating a certain way makes someone feel better, it makes them feel better, full fucking stop. Having to justify your life choices to people who are predisposed to call you an idiot because Reasons is, frankly, bullshit, and it seems to happen disproportionately to women (possibly because women are more likely to have endocrine or autoimmune issues that are poorly understood and yet are often improved by dietary changes).
Obviously none of this is helped by the typical Crossfit* crazy meathead bro who is often just as much of a dick to people who eat rice or whatever, but still. Maybe we can all just try not to be dicks to each other.
*my gym excepted. Lowest concentration of Crossfit crazies ever
lol I don’t care what you eat, it’s fine to not like bread even if it doesn’t make you feel urpy, what makes paleo paleo and not ‘I don’t like bread’ is 100% the wisdom of our primitive ancestors in touch with the circle of life biotruths horseshit and it’s just real funny that the people who trade off that fad for their business model are so upfront about where it all comes from
I think the idea that grains might not be great for everyone grew out of studies of indigenous populations in a few areas, so…yes. Which…yes. “Heart of Darkness” also would have been great. Or “On The Veldt.”
(Great in the “unintentionally, revealing racist and this horrible and funny” sense, not…the other thing.)
Oh I think it’s very intentional. They didn’t just randomly stumble on the exact phrase “noble savage” like they’d never heard of it before and then pay a bunch of money to stick it on their feedbags without googling it first in a craaaazy marketing mishap, they know the name’s gonna evoke like Leatherstocking communing with the bears and shit for everyone who sort of vaguely remembers highschool lit class and that is the exact image that moves product to their targeted demo.
You know, I don’t think the bar is really that high? A drunk toddler with a magnetic poetry set could come up with a better name than “Noble Savage” in approximately thirty seconds.
Although I’m neither drunk nor a toddler, I do have access to a magnetic poetry set.
The best I could come up with in thirty seconds is “quivering flesh on the lips”. (It’s a romance novel magnetic poetry set.)
STILL BETTER.
Christ on a cracker, where can one obtain a romance novel magnetic poetry set?
I didn’t purchase our office romance novel magnetic poetry set, but it looks like this is the same one.
Do note that, although my workplace has a set of these, they are not actually workplace appropriate. Unless you’re an editor at Harlequin, I guess.
They’re not actually as great as they sound. A lot of the words are in fixed phrases, like “quivering flesh” and “on the lips,” and also I didn’t think it took long for the joke to get stale.
Oo thanks. Shame there’s not more flexibility -it still sounds hilarious for a while.
I mean, maybe I’m just not quite the right audience for it. And you could possibly cut the phrases apart somehow. And it was very entertaining for a little while.
Oooor consider that the animal you are consuming spent its entire life in suffering that could scarcely be exacerbated by purposeful sadism, acknowledge that in a $15 trillion economy no one notices $9 in any sense, and figure that one more compromise hardly makes a difference, you know, in the scheme of things, so just, y’know, do whatever.
I disagree on all counts.
Paleo folks are big on grass-finished beef, so there’s a good chance that the animal didn’t suffer as much as is standard in our farm system.
And there are lots of people who notice $9.
And even if it was meat from an animal that had suffered being sold for an amount no one would notice – say, a 10¢ chicken wing – giving it a racist name would still be bad and worth complaining about.
What the actual fuck? I feel like I just finished the “don’t judge other people’s dietary choices” comment above, but goddammit. People have different dietary requirements. It’s a real problem that those requirements aren’t always affordable, and it’s a real problem that the industries are totally unregulated and horrible, but I’d rather donate time or money to something that would actually have a single solitary hope of ever making a difference on either of those fronts than sacrifice my health so I could meet the arbitrary moral standards of people on the internet who don’t know me or anything about me. Christ in drag can we just try not to be judgmental about this shit. No one is a sadist for eating a certain way.
Christ.
Ooooor consider that $9 is a Big Damned Deal to a lot of people, and just because YOU don’t doesn’t mean that nobody else does, and also nobody is paying attention to a comment that starts with a pretentiously self-absorbed “Ooooor” and none of this has anything to do with the fact that “Noble Savage” is a ridiculous name, and maybe your comment hasn’t done a single thing to aid the cause of improving animal welfare and decreasing food costs, but it HAS given people a bad impression of those things. Well done.
So because factory farming is awful, we shouldn’t call out casual racism when we see it? There are a billion evils and horrors in the world, large and small, the fact that other evils exist doesn’t mean we shouldn’t speak up when we see one.
Yes, of course, as a general matter! But there’s a difference between “how about this thing I saw at the store?” and “I would buy this but for the name.”
So, we’re in a big dumb consumer society whose defining feature is a surplus of marginally distinguishable products, most of your choices in life involve modulating the distribution of money, and people make buying decisions for dumber reasons all the time to no real consequence. That’s pretty much what branding exists for
And why post on the internet at all when there are kids starving in Sudan
We’ve all been in that meeting/e-mail thread, right? Where you do the ramped-up soft no, starting with gentle suggestions and ending with IT’S RACIST, YOU’RE RACIST, I HAVE FIFTY PAGES OF SUPPORTING ACADEMIC RESEARCH SAYING IT’S RACIST, HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH.
I always thing I should stop before that last one, since it has a 50% success rate and a 100% awkward ending of the meeting rate. Maybe people in their meeting did.
Harper Lee thing: Yet ANOTHER man demanding that a woman conform to his expectations in order to be worthy of respect.
And wow, dude, liking fast food and feeding birds is worse than stealing from orphanages? Get some perspective.
Stopmen2014
I read this as “stomp men 2014” and was like yes that will do where is the bumper sticker
stomp all the men into fine reddish paste
This guy should be a writer for Slate, because getting that upset about someone feeding ducks and eating Burger King is right up there with Slate’s “Why Fireworks/Summer Camp/Joy Are Actually the Worst” contrariness.
No kidding. Slate seems to have an absolute lock on articles like “Your Life: You’re Doing It Wrong” and “Why These Things You Love Are Terrible” and “You Are Bad And Should Feel Bad.”
Hey, Slate, thanks! I had a glimmer of joy in my life but it’s gone now.
I’m waiting for the inevitable “Puppies are Actually Destroying the World” piece.
Even if the actual content is helpful, that whole “You’re Doing It Wrong: X Food” series is presented in such a way that my instinctive reaction is “Oh, go fuck yourself, Slate”.
At first, I kept expecting them to be satirical, because obviously getting worked up about the ‘wrong’ kind of sandwich or whatever is stupid, but, no, they were serious (or at least if it was intended to be funny, it was very poorly executed).
The headlines are just a clickbaity way to get people to read recipes. They are not a personal attack. If you don’t click, then maybe some lowly A/B tester in the basement at Slate will give you something less insulting next time.
Vanity Fair had an article a few years ago that said teenage girls were destroying culture. Destroying. Barbie dolls, pink cars, tutus, glitter shoes, boy bands destroy Rembrandt, The Nutcracker, Beethoven’s Fifth and Valentino.
I cancelled my subscription.
To bring this full circle for the day, I bring this offering: “Alternatives to Paleo: Other Diets Based on Bad History”
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/low_concept/20…
(ETA: This is not an endorsement of one side or the other in the cranky wars, just amusement at the timing of the article’s release vis-a-vis this comments section.)
So much good stuff in that Joe Biden profile, but my favorite part is when Osnos says that Paul Ryan has “the eyes of a foal.”
The better to bat at Mitt Romney with.
That Ryan-Romney fanfic is still one of the highlights of my entire online experience.
If, God forbid, they had won, I think we would have been forced to follow through on our threat of developing an entire alternate universe featuring Paul Ryan as Vice President Waifu.
I read the entire Joe Biden profile while sitting in my mechanic’s waiting room, which is decorated by framed copies of the Constitution surrounding not one, but TWO mounted boar’s heads. There are many NRA stickers. It was an odd juxtaposition.
There is so much good stuff in there, but my hands down favorite was “Even as kids, we noticed Uncle Boo-Boo drank a bit heavily.” Because OF COURSE Joe Biden had an Uncle Boo-Boo, and OF COURSE Uncle Boo-Boo drank too much. It is perfect.
Who else loves that Ronda Rousey’s coach is named Edmond Tarverdyan like a bargain-basement Game of Thrones character?
Yes. And I also love that her ring-entry music is Bad Reputation.
And then Harper Lee chortled merrily at Dwight Garner while depositing her enormous royalty check, and stopped for a salad and some duck-time on the way home. ~fin~
Harper Lee laughing alone with salad.
jeez, I’ve never gotten a dick pic. I feel like I’m missing an essential component of being a woman in the 2010’s.
I got a new phone number years ago and literally the day after I received an unknown, unsolicited dick pic. And my response of “wtf, you have the wrong number” was met with IRRITATION. I swear to God. “What the fuck man who is this?”
Who are YOU is the more important question, and maybe you should make absolutely sure who everyone in the equation is before sending out random pictures of your dick!
You should’ve texted back “This is Jane Schmo from Buzzfeed. Congrats, your dick will be famous tomorrow!”
Dude’s so bad at sex he’s resorted to reproducing via sporification, just releasing his junk into the airwaves blindly in the hopes that the currents will carry some to a suitable host
I’m pretty ok with it.
I have, only once, but they were from a dude that I have a warm regard for, and not out of line based on our past interactions. It was actually a pleasant surprise. I woke up one morning and the first thing I did was check my phone (typical Millenial amirite). I saw the new email notification and thought, “Ugh, another email from the library jobs listserv about a job I’ll never get” but lo and behold! it was a picture of something that had contributed greatly to my happiness and well-being on a number of occasions. Brought back so many pleasant memories.
you aren’t missing a thing, love your existence free from dick pics as long as it lasts.
Nor have I! Maybe I’m doing something wrong? (If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right.)
Yes, I don’t actually want one, but I have so many good responses!
“Oh, you found one? Was it in the woods?”
“Can I buy it off you? I have a jar.”
“This’ll be great for the next BBQ.”
Also, Nicole mentioned something on Twitter about keeping Georgia O’Keefe paintings on your phone just for such occasions.
I own a strap-on w/harness. Clearly I should keep a photo of that on my phone.
I’ve never gotten an unsolicited one, and I praise any god who had a hand in that on the daily.
I HAVE gotten ones from people with whom I was having phone sex at the time, and I’m cool with them in that context. “Here’s proof that you are totally turning me on!” When we’re already having sexy times seeing a sexually aroused penis is pretty sexy. When it’s just . . . randomly, in the middle of your date? Or randomly at any other time? Just . . . no, dude. No.
I once got one in the morning, when I was on the train to work. Yeah no thanks.
Me neither. But I have an ancient phone that wouldn’t be able to show them even if I did, and I almost never go out (so no meeting new people who might send me dick pics), and I’ve never used Snapchat or Tinder or anything like that. So, basically, eschewing all modern technology and never talking to people works brilliantly as a no dick pics strategy!
I got one of two penises, um, making friends, which was sort of nice. (It was also not completely unsolicited. I had a pre-existing relationship with both of the penises in question.) I’ve never gotten an unsolicited one, but I think that’s mostly because I didn’t get a phone that could display photos until I was already off the dating market.
I have never been sent a dick pic, but I did once borrow a flashdrive from a friend so I could print a nice copy of a photo, and guess what showed up on the flashdrive at the photo-printing station AT WALGREENS. I was absolutely mortified. I’m sure he just forgot the dick pic was on there, but still, who puts a dick pic on a flashdrive?!
I can’t recall whether or not I’ve ever gotten one personally, but I recall one time I got one via email while working for an alternative sexuality non-profit. Dude wanted to join up and sent his pics as part of his email. And then got cranky when I called him on it.
I have the same policy for ear buds that I do for sunglasses: I’m going to either lose them or break them within a month, so I’m not paying more than $10 for either. That means I tend to stock up at TJ Maxx in the check out line.
I’m already losing my hearing (thanks for that gene, Dad) and I only wear sunglasses periodically due to only occasionally wearing my contacts (thanks for the bad-eye gene, Mom) so I don’t need high quality anything.
My hearing is going too thanks to *mumble* years of going to shows clubs raves etc, but I figure that’s actually a good rationale for spending a little more coin on good quality earbuds since I can keep the sound turned down. I actually just bought Bose earbuds with the StayHear tips mentioned in the Slate article, and they are rad and super comfy.
My partner keeps those, and I go with the under-$30 pairs. (And guess which one of is more prone to losing things?) I’ve borrowed pairs off him before, and it is true what is said about the comfiness. It’s also nice that you can take the tips off and on really easily, in case you drop them on the bathroom floor or something and want to clean them.
I did just buy a $10 pair with sound quality that registers as almost as good to my ears, though.
I was this way until I got expensive wraparound sunglasses (thanks, myopic parents) and a good pair of headphones. Now I am HYPER AWARE of where they are at all times since they were so expensive I’d punch myself in the leg repeatedly if I broke or lost them. Also they sound really good and I am never going back to clip on sunglasses.
I will buy cheap ones when I am in desperate straits, but I wear headphones for approx 4 hours/day, so I need good ones that are comfy and provide good sound and block out the noise of the Metro and other humans, which earbuds do not do.
harper lee is my grandma
(if my grandma fed ducks)
I’m so disgusted by all the ‘news’ about Harper Lee having the audacity to age and be a human person after being briefly kind of famous (for writing a book! one book! in the FIFTIES!). The New York Magazine article about her ‘sad decline’ was the most concern-trolly thing I’ve ever read. “Yeah, she’s made it super, super clear that she treasures her privacy, but now that she’s too frail to come after us, let’s make sure we speculate about her dead mom’s mental illness. Also, she may have consumed alcohol at some point in the 1980s.”
EVERYONE LEAVE HARPER LEE ALONE FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
I came here because I knew Nicole would have a list of New Yorker articles and was not disappointed. Okay, a little disappointed — I was hoping for a Nicole curated list! But I’m excited about this Longform list too.
On the earbuds point: am I the only person in the world who misses the days where we had over-the-head headphones? Not the GIANT MASSIVE RECORDING STUDIO ones, the normal ones that used to come with a Walkman. I can’t find them easily any more, which is sad because they stay on your head, are comfy, don’t leak noise . . . cheap headphones 4LYFE.
In related news: please give me your cheap headphones recommendations. Target used to sell a foldable pair that were about $15 and they only needed to be replaced about once a year despite all the abuse I put them through, and I have yet to find a suitable replacement for running purposes.
Sony MDRZX. Over-the-head, decent sound, comfy as heck, generally retails under $20.
Too loose and bulky for running, but just fine for a podcast on a commute.
I don’t have specific recommendations BUT: the Radio Shack warranty actually works — I walked in with earphones that were crapping out, didn’t have to give any more information than that (about how they weren’t working; I had to give all of my info I had given when I bought them), and walked out with a new pair! I was shocked — I had kind of assumed that somehow normal wear and tear wouldn’t be covered.
I am happy with the earbud vs massive noise-cancelling dichotomy, since my latter pair live on my office desk just for the days when my coworkers are being dumb. And I prefer the big bluetooth headset to any computer speakers I’ve ever had when I’m gaming at home.
I’ve generally had good results taking the Wirecutter’s recommendations for most things, and I am quite happy with the cheap, $10 pair of earbuds I just got to replace the last pair’s disintegration. But it all of their review categories, they do usually list the second-place and third-place recommendations:
http://thewirecutter.com/leaderboard/headphones/
+1 for Wirecutter. I have had excellent experiences with their recommended products.
No you are not the only person who misses these. I loathe earbuds.
No you are not. I refuse to wear earbuds. They’re uncomfortable and extremely hazardous to your hearing. Nuff said.
They still exist and even cheap ones are pretty dang good now. these are infinitely better sound- and comfort-wise than earbuds four times the price, though still obviously not as good as the super fancy studio-grade over-the-ear stuff some of my friends have (really nice speakers are wasted on me)
You will, however, be sharing your music with coworkers/co-passengers, who have gotten incredibly whiny about suspecting they can hear a momentary barely-audible possibly-imaginary whisper of unsolicited music since the 90s.
I will never understand that. Earbuds let ALL the sound out. I can sing along with the lyrics if I’m sitting next to someone wearing earbuds on a noisy subway. You’re bitching about the faint whisper noise? Headphones are so much better than earbuds at keeping the noise to yourself.
I find it varies so much from earbud to earbud, which is a factor that I wished the Slate article would have mentioned. Some earbuds, yes, I can hear from the farside of the bus, but others I can sit next to and barely pick up a whisper.
In particular, the Bose design that he eventually recommends is the type my partner favors, and I can be sitting in a silent apartment when he comes home and have no idea what he’s listening to.
He trashes them in the article, but I’ve actually found Yurbuds to be great for running (which I think is what they’re designed for). I have basically zero feelings about headphone sound quality, I mostly like them because I tend to tug on the wires accidentally while running a lot and their little locking design does keep them from coming out. They also do not (at least for me) feel like cramming two overly large chunks of hard plastic into my ear-holes like the Apple ones do. (I did not pay $37 for them, that’s ridiculous, I got them on Evil Amazon for like 20 bucks.)
Bonus: they come with an extra, larger set of the little locking silicone bits, which my boyfriend and I were able to fit onto his regular old Apple earbuds.
I am completely incapable of wearing earbuds – I usually get whatever over the ear/earclip headphones are cheap enough. I used to have ones that had retractable wires, which was great for not getting them tangled, but the retraction mechanism eventually ripped up the wires.
I got mine for $5 from Virgin America when I flew with them. Lasted through nearly two years of daily use.
This is glorious! Where is it from?!?
It was floating around Facebook a last week. My cousin reposted it from one of her friends but I really do not know the true origin.
I think I just found my new embroidery project!
Wanna do an art swap? Or conversely, NAME YOUR PRICE!
ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod
Thank you for winning my morning
I went on a quest to discover the origin of this image, and found the grail: http://bayeux.datensalat.net/
How did the internet know I needed to create my own Bayeux Tapestry jokes? Truly, we have been blessed.
Awesome!
Very interesting/service-y link to the explanation of why colleges handle rape accusations. Acknowledging that the police are pretty much a disaster in this area, too, I’m still not sure I agree that universities taking this role is the best idea. I’m not buying, really, that two faulty options are better than one, but this is the first clear explanation of why the school option even exists, and I can see their points.
I’ve always seen it partly as, well, if you’re a college student who does some other rule or law breaking, the school has internal systems to handle those things. Most likely, the university has a code of student conduct and you agree to follow that code (which includes not harming other students). At my college, if you were doing drugs in a dorm, you lost your housing. If you were drinking underage, you were punished. If you did drugs or drank underage enough times, you could be expelled. Ditto plagiarism or academic dishonesty issues. I would see it as pretty appalling if a school took action against underage drinkers or people copying papers, but not rapists or sexual assaulters (or other violent assault!).
That Bee Gees profile is beautiful and I love them. I sometimes get real sad now that Barry Gibb is the Final Bee Gee, but there was a great profile on him on Sunday Morning a few weeks ago (who am I, Dad Magazine??) and how he’s touring solo for the first time in years and it was really heartwarming because Robin’s daughter sings with him sometimes and awww.
Also, the best thing that SNL has done in years is the Barry Gibb Talk Show (talkin’ ’bout CHEST HAIR, talkin’ ’bout CRAZY COOL MEDALLIONS)
I think about the Barry Gibb Talk Show a BUNCH.
The Barry Gibb Talk Show is pretty much my favorite thing in the world. My husband and I, because we’re insane cat people, have adapted the theme song (and, by extension, Nights On Broadway) to be about one of our cats, and we sing it all the time. It’s sick. I blame it on the catchiness of the song and the hilarity of the Barry Gibb Talk Show.
I adore the Barry Gibb talk show – I can’t even explain how giddily happy it makes me to watch it (over and over again). And the fact that Toasties actually know about it is just another testament to how wonderful the Toast is.
Sunday Morning is always one of the highlights of my weekend, and that Barry Gibb profile made me teary. (My boyfriend and I end up crying during at least one segment of every episode. Never change, Sunday Morning.)
Best part of the Kanye profile, hands-down:
You mean to tell me that this girl with this fucking body and this face is also into style, and she’s a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That’s just as cool as a fucking fighter jet or dinosaur!
I texted my best friend to say that probably nobody has ever said that I am as cool as a fighter jet or dinosaur and she replied “Well, you’re as cool as a bowl made from a melted vinyl record.” Close enough?
“You know, God is infectious—God flowing through us and us being little-baby creators and shit. But His energy and His love and what He wants us to have as people and the way He wants us to love each other, that is infectious. Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur.” OH, KANYE.
Am I over-reacting to be weirded out by that quote, absent any other context? I haven’t RTFA, but that just seems like…she’s another cool toy? Because of the apparently rare combination of fuckability and being nice? This is weird to me. When I meet someone I’m into, I generally don’t compare them to like a really good book or a velociraptor. It’s not the same appeal.
Just before that he talks about the wonder and excitement that children feel when they learn about dinosaurs and airplanes: “it’s like, fuck, you mean to tell me that the dinosaurs walked the earth and stuff like that?! That’s amazing! You mean to tell me that these giant multi-ton crafts can fly that fast and that loud, and they can flip, and there’s danger, the possibility of them exploding? That’s fucking cool!”
So basically, he’s trying to say that he views his wife with the same giddiness and astonishment that small children feel when they experience the world, or at least that’s how I read it? So I thought it was cute.
I think that’s an adorable reaction to the feeling of falling in love with an individual person. I think where I got weirded out is that he cited a list of attributes all occurring in combination as the thing that was incredible — she’s fuckable, nice to people, has similar interests, AND thinks X, Y, Z is important. Like she’s a particularly rare collectible or something? Especially since those attributes by themselves aren’t even close to unique.
It might also help to RTFA, but even getting started, I remain kinda weirded out. I dunno, I keep thinking, “Perfect BItch, huh?”
That childlike joy reminds me of this (objectively rubbish) song , which happily conveys the “good golly gosh, this beautiful person like-likes ME?” idea.
Nicole, have you tried Kettlebell Kitchen? They deliver to my Crossfit box and I have stolen bites from friends’ orders (sadly I am still unwilling to shell out $9 for my own. Especially when I have a pretty nimble dodge-and-weave fork maneuver) and they’re pretty good.
I have met Joe Biden several times and he is awesome. Charming is his Super Power. We are all fortunate that he only uses this power for Good. He is the Ultimate Cover Dad for Dad Magazine’s POWERFUL DADS Special Issue
I have heard Biden described as “America’s Grandpa”.
I thought he was America’s Creepy Uncle?
(No, wait, that’s just The Onion’s Joe Biden.)
I’m very jealous. I’ve always wanted to attend a Biden family Thanksgiving, because it would most likely be incredible.
I have met Joe Biden several times
I have met Joe Biden several times
perfect gif
Which is why the Motivational Biden tumblr is a treasure forever. http://motivationalbiden.tumblr.com/
I just spent like half of a glorious hour reading the New Yorker article “The Interpreter” and I want to send it to everyone I know. If you’re into linguistics or culture or hating on Noam Chomsky, you better dive right in. It’s incredible.
I read half of it this morning when I should have been eating breakfast, but I found it kind of annoying. Especially the bits where it talked about Chomsky’s theories like they were universally accepted, and then later quotes linguists pointing out that there have always been people who disagreed with Chomsky. And the parts where Pirahã culture kept being described as “simple” and “primitive”, and we mostly get lists of what they don’t do, instead of what they do.
And the part where the Pirahã are described as rejecting absolutely everything from other cultures. Except for clothes. And pots, pans, machetes, and pop can pull tabs. Oh, and random visitors who want them to participate in linguistics experiments.
And also the bit where they wear necklaces to ward off evil spirits, but the interpreter claims they are culturally unable to grasp the concept of insect repellent.
There were definitely some interesting bits, but I had to stop reading to come to work, and I’m not sure whether I’m going to bother finishing.
Yes! A lot of the depictions of the Pirahã are not great, and I felt like the author even came close to fixing that a few times and then backed away (like, when Everett is talking about how adept they are at survival in the forest or when we learn about the evil spirits you mentioned). I was frustrated by that, but also found the straight-up linguistics stuff fascinating. Setting aside the flaws in the writing, I thought the article did a great job presenting the evolution of Everett’s theories and I personally came away with a huge amount of respect for the Pirahã and how complex and nuanced their language is.
Like you, I get annoyed when Chomsky is treated as the end-all be-all of linguistics. He’s not, and there is so much more out there.
Yeah, that part was interesting.
Mostly I really want to read this article, but written by someone else.
I did finish it. Now I’m annoyed by the speculation that their language “resembles early language”, which doesn’t seem to make sense to me. Languages change and evolve pretty quickly.
Yeah, like, if they’ve been speaking it for thousands of years, how is it “early?” It’s not. It has probably evolved just like any other language on Earth. Ugh.
That Judy Garland GIF is the best thing in the world. I wish you could put GIFs on t-shirts and have them still move around, because I would order this one immediately.
In due time.
Do you guys like spoooooky true happenings? Because last night I asked Metafilter about this one bizarre “phone call from a dead person” story I read years ago and had never been able to find again. Not only did the commenters pull up the exact source and post scans of the pertinent pages, they produced a press photograph of the dead man. I was like,
oh man, I read that question and figured there was no way you’d be able to get a real answer. Mefi/Ask Mefi is so great.
also your post reminded me of one of my favorite Dinosaur Comics strips
“Creeeeepy!”
I love when the internet is able to do that! There are a few LJ communities that are/were dedicated to that, specifically WhatWasThatOne – now that LJ is a ghost town, I don’t know how effective it is, but they saved the day once when I could only remember that one scene with the cotton candy cocoons and had no clue what movie it was when it was actually Killer Klowns From Outer Space.
A few months after my Great Uncle died, my family and I were staying with my Great Aunt and helping her sort his things. A man we’d never met before stopped by the house and asked to see my Great Uncle. We asked why. He said he’d had engine trouble on the highway and an older gentleman stopped and helped him. The description he gave sounded exactly like my Great Uncle. The man also said he asked my Great Uncle for his address so he could come by later and thank him.
We were touched as this sounded like something my Great Uncle, a true gentleman, would do. But we felt bad about telling the man that my Great Uncle had passed and it was too late.
“When did this happen?” we asked the man.
“Yesterday morning,” he said.
I love ghost stories and this is one of the best I’ve ever read; thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome! For someone who doesn’t really believe in the supernatural, I have a few personal ghost stories. We live in an old apartment building (built in 1902). Last year my wife and I were standing in the kitchen next to our bedroom door. My wife is a CPA and is very practical and rational. She’s not one to imagine things or make things up. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye, but figured it was just a shadow cast by sunlight coming through the window.
My wife was facing the door, though, and then turned to me and said, perfectly calmly, “Someone walked into our room.” I asked if she was joking or trying to scare me and she said “No, I just saw someone walk into our room.” “You mean a ghost?” I asked. “I think so,” she said. “I think the apartment’s haunted. I see them sometimes.” I asked if this bothered or scared her and she shrugged and said “no” and that’s the last time we ever talked about it because I didn’t want to pee myself.
Joe Biden really is super adorable, though. He’s always making me smile. Also all his “gaffes” that get billed as somehow awful by the media are seriously just “Whoops, I said what everyone’s thinking!” or “Whoops, I dropped a swear!” which makes me think he and I would be friends.
I also like this gif in the general ‘fucks to give’ theme:
The thing where he cheerfully advised the country to scare off robbers by firing a double-barrel shotgun into the air as though it was the most obvious thing ever was simultaneously one of the funniest moments of the decade and sorta terrifying because what if someone takes the Vice President seriously, even though it’s this Vice President
I can totally see Uncle Joe whooping and cutting loose at the sky with his Jed Clampett gun when threatened
<3 Kanye.
Funny story indirectly regarding The Simpsons. My dad was a fan when it first started and had no problems with me watching it as a little kid since the controversy surrounding it when it fist came out was overblown and silly.
Then one christmas, years later, he got me the South Park movie (I was 16) not knowing much about it, but believing the controversy was just was overblown and silly. And it was, but not the best gift to give to your teenage daughter.
There was much amusement when he finally watched the movie himself.
So apparently on a visit to Russia recently, Joe Biden says he looked into Putin’s eyes and TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE that he thinks he has no soul. Based on looking into his eyes.
Now, Joe Biden is probably the only person in the world of whom I could even possibly believe this to be true. SIR. YOU ARE ON A DIPLOMATIC MISSION TO ALDERAN. SIR. But the clincher is Putin’s alleged response:
“I see we understand each other.”
THAT’S SO PUTIN (a new show on the Disney channel), and also, Joe, he crushed you. Fuckin nailed it.
Theory- Putin is Darth Vader: Discuss
WHAT!! Where did you see this? This is the best story I have ever heard.
It’s actually mentioned in the New Yorker article linked above:
To illustrate his emphasis on personality as a factor in foreign affairs, Biden recalled visiting Putin at the Kremlin in 2011: “I had an interpreter, and when he was showing me his office I said, ‘It’s amazing what capitalism will do, won’t it? A magnificent office!’ And he laughed. As I turned, I was this close to him.” Biden held his hand a few inches from his nose. “I said, ‘Mr. Prime Minister, I’m looking into your eyes, and I don’t think you have a soul.’ ”
“You said that?” I asked. It sounded like a movie line.
“Absolutely, positively,” Biden said, and continued, “And he looked back at me, and he smiled, and he said, ‘We understand one another.’ ” Biden sat back, and said, “This is who this guy is!”
WHAT A MAN.
If this is true, the interpreter is the unsung hero of that story.
Because I know that my brain would be frantically spitting out a massive “things I could plausibly pretend to have heard instead” list.
It’s in the (very long) linked article!
Looks like that’s my lunchtime reading.
Apparently my reply to you never happened >:( but at any rate, I had heard it elsewhere. I don’t know if the above article does so as well, but the one I read also took care to note that Biden had, here, reversed Bush Jr’s position vis-a-vis Putin’s soul. Heroic journalism.
Never ever send a dick pic unless you are specifically requested to send a dick pick. That’s just manners.
Okay, Toast friends with legal knowledge, can you help me out? One of the things that really bugs me about the dick pic story is that I am not sure whether or not it is illegal to send unsolicited photos of your junk. Like, flashing is illegal, right? It’s indecent exposure. But text-flashing is, or is not? I was skimming over the Weinergate coverage and I couldn’t really tell whether the criminality of his sexting was under discussion or just the unethicalness of sexting staffers.
The other thing that bothers me is that I wish consent played a bigger role in these conversations. I do not at all wish to audit Dodai’s description of her experience, but the fact is that sending a dick pic is a sexual act that she did not consent to, and I wish that was a bigger part of the conversation. It’s not about being a prude or not, it’s not about whether you think it’s hot or gross, it’s about consent and lack thereof. Because that moment when he suggests that he was willing to be friends since the whole dick pic thing didn’t work out, as though the problem is just a minor sexual incompatibility and not his very weak grasp of consent. . . .
You would think it’s illegal!! Or should be? It might be one of those things where law has not caught up to technology.
(Speaking of law and dick pic technology, police officers in my greater metropolitan area just recently decided the best way to investigate a case where a teenage boy possessed naked photos of a teenage girl and sent photos of himself – so, child pornography – was to GET A WARRANT TO TO TAKE PICTURES OF THE BOY’S GENITALS AND COMPARE. Luckily it did not actually come to pass but WTF. So god only knows whether The Law as an institution as figured this shit out yet.)
Yeah, it is definitely a case of the law not catching up with technology. Cuz yes, it is TECHNICALLY FLASHING SOMEONE.
I’m pretty sure it’s regulated in the same way, that, say, pasting up a billboard photo of your dick by a public thoroughfare would be, it’s just that nobody’s really pursuing the dickpiccers or tearing down their phones as pornographic
Yes, I had the same reaction to the article. Her experience is her experience, but if he pulled out his junk at the table, I like to think she would OBVIOUSLY know that it was a sexually aggressive act she hadn’t consented to, so … why is there any question about whether or not sending someone unsolicited pictures of your genitals is ever okay?
Everyone in my house walks around with sound pouring directly out of their phones into the world, cause we’ve all stopped using headphones. It often leads to escalating volume wars, or the problem* of “we’re listening to the same podcast, but at different points, and if I listen to your phone I miss part and if you listen to mine you’ve heard that part already.”
* “problem”
Today’s Tuesday Collection on my Tumblr is themed “fighting,” so the story on Ronda Rousey is particularly appropriate for me today. Adding the link to the other posts right now. Thank you, Nicole!
If you wanted to know the point at which I started crying during this link round-up, it was “the police just can’t get a survivor an extension on their English paper due the week after they were raped.” At this time, on this day, the reminder that life goes on and you have to do your fucking English paper after you get raped is just too goddamn much.
I hope your time and day got better. That sounds like a rough place to be.
I HATE EARBUDS. I have the best pair of Sony phones that are big ones that go outside/over your ears, and then there’s a little piece that wraps around the top of your ears to hang on. I don’t think they make them anymore, so when this pair wears out I am going to be very sad.
ETA: Now browsing the Sony selection and there is a product called: “Open-Air Feminine Stereo Headphones” GAH.
Feminine Stereo: reproduce those breathy whispers accurately
I am evangelical about Yurbuds. I believe there’s an umlaut in the spelling, they have a big soft squishy rubber top that kind of screws into your ear canal. Wait! That sound’s horrifying! They stay in my ears and I find them comfy. maybe you will too?
That list of New Yorker articles is now my summer reading list! I really recommend reading “Crowded House” if you like grifter stories crossed with true tales of NYC real estate insanity.
The Bee Gees profile just made my day! My husband and I actually danced to How Deep Is Your Love as our first dance at our wedding just less than a year ago. MEMORIES.
I LOVE earbuds and they only hurt my ears when I put them in the wrong ears? Maybe I have these mysterious perfect earholes they are meant to fit.
And yes, 90% of the reason I prefer them is because they won’t mess up my hair and because I can wear hats with them.
“I mean, Led Zeppelin didn’t write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.”
UFC! Ronda Rousey! I am that one female UFC fan that has no UFC fan friends in real life because we’re all ashamed of our Affliction-wearing bro-do-you-even-lift-? brethren.
But how I love to follow the drama (every fighter is required to have a twitter account) and the heel-turns (better than wrestling because it’s real) and the sheer ridiculousness of the UFC promotions themselves.
ME TOO GIRL
If my workplace complains about my productivity today, I’m sending them directly to you, Nicole, and also to the New Yorker.
I was JUST ranting about how earbuds are terrible and awful and the worst thing that Steve Jobs ever did. They have shitty sound quality so people turn up the volume and damage their hearing. There is no way to easily take them out for a moment while you’re doing something else. And they hurt and don’t fit and will fall out if I open my mouth at all (e.g. to lip sync along).
Over-the-ear headphones 4 lyfe.
Is there not some sort of law that makes it illegal to expose yourself to someone without their consent? And wouldn’t this apply to phones as well? Maybe this is just wishful thinking?
Regardless, woulda just up and left at that point, as well as subsequently blocking the number.
So, speaking of Ronda Rousey, here is a delightful clip of her throwing some dude repeatedly as a “demo.” I greatly enjoy how much she seems to be enjoying herself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA12qAz2E80 (also, the dude in the background is waaay overreacting).
NEVER apologize for making a dick pick "willy-nilly" joke. NEVER.