Mallory came to the gym with me yesterday and she BROUGHT IT. She brought it HARD. She did not throw up! She did not cry. She just kept grimly working it and periodically called my trainer “sir,” which means she was on the edge of losing her true self. We will return to the gym on Thursday.
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I really want you to read this. Don’t overlook it bc it was written by a male contributor.
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Kate Harding on Ray Rice and Janay Palmer.
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less wow WHERE IS THE PUNCHING
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BABY GRUNGE NICK PAVICH:
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How I started a Wikipedia hoax:
I wrote that Amelia Bedelia edit in 2009, with my best friend Evan during our sophomore year of college. As he recalled when I called him later that evening, “we were stoned out of our minds” and had just come from the McDonald’s drive-thru to get chicken selects when we decided to edit Wikipedia pages for various semi-obscure children’s book authors. (I think we also did one for R.L. Stine, but Evan says no.)
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All the lonely people: what we actually know about them.
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Jessica Wakeman on sometimes wishing she hadn’t written so much about sex:
Between my emails, my Twitter @ replies, and my Facebook’s Other folder, every day something makes me go “Ugh ick ugh ick.” The vast majority of these communications are men asking me if I will have Skype- or GChat-sex with them or send them sexy pictures of myself. That’s totally weird, because I’ve never posted nude or even partially-nude pics online. The assumption seems to be that because I’ve written about sex, I will email a stranger a picture of my tits. (I don’t care if other women would want to do that, but it’s not for me.) Occasionally, a stranger will write an unintentionally funny email describing in specific detail what his penis looks like and its supposed sexual prowess. Why, just last Wednesday, a gentleman offered to send me a picture of his own dick. “Just to see what you think of it,” he wrote. These emails are wholly unwanted and harassment for sure. In at least one instance, I had to take steps to have the man who was repeatedly emailing me creepy missives firmly reprimanded.
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Deleted comment of the day:
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Food is for white liberals what sex is for the religious right.
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
If you start telling someone all about your new trendy diet or asking them about theirs without knowing if they have an eating disorder that may be triggered by your prattle, your approach is ableist. If you tsk-tsk at people who are overweight for what they are eating and claim you’re concerned about their health, yet you’re not actively campaigning to make healthy food more accessible and affordable, your approach is sickening and I don’t want you in my activism.
That Skepchick article is everything I have thought but been unable to put into words lately. Beautifully put.
That quote YES. So much yes. I have a lot of friends who had/have eating disorders and ALL of them turned to a “trendy” diet at one point in the worst point of their disorder or in their recoveries… either to mask the disordered eating or to find some control and structure in the recovery. We don’t know why people eat what they eat! But maybe let’s BUTT OUT of other people’s food business. (Like when my boss asks me if I’ve had a donut yet, and if I’ve had one, why not have another? I’m young after all! If I haven’t had one, WHY NOT?! HE wants one but HE can’t eat one, it’s “sooo bad.” LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT THE GODDAMN DONUTS.)
I know there are a lot of people like the ones in the article, but my friends who work in food/agriculture – and this is the kind of thing I eventually want to be working on too! – don’t take such a narrow view of it. They are looking at food sourcing, yeah, but also at hunger and how to make healthy and tasty foods accessible to all people. Or trying to find good recipes for people so that a foreign vegetable is appealing. Or looking at the labor and environmental problems in food production. BASICALLY I know she’s right, but I think it’s the people who want to “eat clean” or “care about where the meat comes from” … people who are purely concerned about the food they’re eating, not people who care about the whole food and health system? This may not make sense.
Anyway I have a lot of thoughts and want to know what everyone else thinks! Meanwhile, off to share this article with my pals.
Additionally, the right has some food issues to get over as well. Like maybe not try to cut SNAP benefits every time the farm bill comes up for renewal eh? Or stop talking bullshit nonsense about how people spend their nutrition assistance benefits?
After re-reading it, I still am really behind the general message but do feel like there’s a little bit of “but fat people really do need to change amirite?” coding between the use of overweight and obese and the “solutions” being offered not including leave me the fuck alone to make my own decisions, but I still mostly stand by it.
I have a friend who went to school for ag and I love whenever she posts something, because nine times out of ten it’s calling out Chipotle for their bullshit.
obviously I’m only overweight because I don’t know how to make a “foreign vegetable” appealing, why don’t we learn to be noble.
Oof I’m sorry. That was really bad wording on my part. The specific person I was thinking of does outreach to WIC and SNAP shoppers at farmers markets and provides recipes for some of the less-often-seen foods there (of which there are plenty). Still, I’m sorry!
apology accepted! There’s just always this weird undercurrent of “well the poors can’t help themselves, but you should know better because access or whatever” that comes out in these discussions that has always made me uneasy.
That quote YES. So much yes. I have a lot of friends who had/have eating disorders and ALL of them turned to a “trendy” diet at one point in the worst point of their disorder or in their recoveries… either to mask the disordered eating or to find some control and structure in the recovery.
This hits so close to home. My mom was diagnosed with an eating disorder as a young woman and though she seems to think she’s “Over It” now, she’s always jumping on the newest fad diet and taking all these placebo supplements and whatnot to lose weight (at her doctor’s suggestion, because he makes money off it!) and it’s really difficult to watch.
And, of course, since I grew up learning from my mom, I copied a lot of those disordered eating behaviors (or developed my own as a rejection of hers), even if I don’t technically have a diagnosable eating disorder of my own. Discussion of diets and all that entails is really upsetting. Seeing my mom’s special diet-related foodstuffs is also upsetting, and not just because I feel like she’s getting swindled.
YES, everything you said is perfect and you are perfect.
My 2nd favorite activity, after Creative Misandry, is trolling moralizing rich people about food. I’m rich, white, thin, and visibly queer, which gets me voted Most Likely To Be On A Fad Diet in just about every circumstance. Everyone tries to talk to me about eating organic or being vegan? So I say, “Uh, do I LOOK like I’m vegan? Jesus, dude” or “Kraft mac and cheese is organic, right? Because there’s no meat in it???”
I just want to sit outside of Whole Foods and trip everyone entering and exiting. Is that so much to ask?
At a friend’s birthday dinner, I heard another of the attendees order a Caesar salad, “but without bacon bits, because they go against everything I stand for.” I was so astounded by the smugness of that remark that I still remember her exact words years later.
The waiter didn’t mention that often, Caesar dressing contains anchovies. I like to think he did it on purpose.
Isn’t it surprising that when it’s so easy to just not be a tool, people so often decide to be a tool? “Without the bacon bits please” would have been MORE THAN SUFFICIENT.
That’s funny, because bacon bits represent everything I stand for.
(I hope the dressing had anchovies.)
I STAND FOR BACON
Who the fuck puts bacon on a Caesar salad?
Lots of people. The shit restaurants will do to salads never ceases to astound me, as a salad enthusiast.
Also: bacon bits are made out of soy, they are vegan.
I didn’t know Caesar dressing has anchovies!
Does all Caesar dressing? Like Worcestershire sauce usually contains anchovies, but might not. I have a shellfish allergy and sometimes react to other seafood, and when I ordered french onion soup at a restaurant, and after asking that the shellfish part of the rest of my meal be substituted, the chef told me about the anchovies. I think it must be in small enough quantities to not make me sick, but it’s always worth keeping an eye out.
Traditional Caesar dressing has anchovies (and raw egg)–bottled stuff usually does not. A nice restaurant may be making the dressing fresh to order, but you can ask if it’s fresh or bottled and that is usually a tell.
The bottled ones often have anchovies in them too. The Kraft one does.
You would enjoy the Park Slope Food Coop very much.
I lovelovelove the thesis, and it will probably go on my list of “links to post on FB to passive-aggressively respond to all the people rambling about paleo’s perfection”. But I do wish the body of the rant had been a little more focused on backing up that thesis, even if it’s just about firming up the parallels in theory and expression.
Yeah, on rereading I felt like it was more a rant against the obnoxious foodshaming that goes on in liberal circles but didn’t really make a convincing parallel to rightwing activism. That being said: ” It’s a complete fear and denial of scientific data in favor of emotionally overblown gut reaction.” seems like a pretty good summary of many arguments against GMO crops in general (not to suggest that there aren’t particular crops or areas of concern, but the idea that GMO crops are inherently worse than non-GMO crops is scientifically unfounded.)
not to suggest that there aren’t particular crops or areas of concern, but the idea that GMO crops are inherently worse than non-GMO crops is scientifically unfounded
Yes, I struggle with how to be skeptical of GMOs from a social justice perspective without being anti-science. I am disturbed by the idea of corporations owning patents to food. I saw an article recently about universities doing GM research on food crops and when I did not have an instinctive negative response to that, I realized my concerns about GMOs are 100% about the legal issues and not the technology.
She also mentions how the fetishization of small farmers and “where our food comes from” contrasts with a lack of concern with the people who actually produce the bulk of our food supply (and, I would add, lack of concern for the general hollowing-out of rural economies). That’s something that always made me uneasy but I don’t always know how to articulate.
I’ve lived just close enough to rural America to keep in mind that while yuppies are bragging about how impeccably sourced their food is, the people who made that food are shopping at Wal-Mart because they have no other choice.
+1 +2 +3
Ugh, yes. I try to be as mindful as I can of where I shop (buy my food from places that try to source well, who treat their employees well, etc.) but I think it’s important to not treat my choices as some Grand Moral Imperative for the sake of the cows and the chickens. But since I can afford not to shop at Wal-Mart, I don’t, but it has far less to do with how their cows are treated and is mostly because they treat their employees and their suppliers poorly. But my ability to do that is merely because I have money. It’s not because I’m a better person, and I won’t look down on people who shop elsewhere.
Word on the not shopping at Wal-Mart thing. I don’t shop there because there are small businesses that could use my money, not because I think that my $20 is anything more than a drop in Sam Walton’s giant swimming pool full of gold coins. I get the idea behind boycotts but if we actually want to change their corporate practices we need to think about public policy and other hard stuff. And being smug about where you shop doesn’t do that.
Very much agree with this. I am a small farmer targeting the people this article is about. I am still trying to figure out how to balance things so that they (urban foodies) can subsidize my ability to provide products for my rural neighbors, many of whom are on food stamps (even some of the other farmers! Maybe even me sometimes!).
It’s hard to figure out how to do this with meat. Currently we raise a lot of pork, because it’s fast and always in demand, but it also requires that we buy feed for them, and we do buy Organic, which adds up fast. We’d like to switch our focus to beef and lamb, which eat grass, of which we have a lot. This would reduce costs significantly, but they take 2-4x as long as pigs to grow to size, so it’s a gradual switch.
But since our investment in the product is cash money in the form of feed, it’s a lot harder for us to figure out how to make products accessible to lower-income folks. Like, a lot of vegetable farmers double the value of WIC or food stamps, but we can’t really discount it that much. With veggies, the farmer’s biggest investment is time; with our pork at least, it’s definitely cash.
Another way to do it would be to focus on selling the expensive stuff in the city (steak, chops, sausage, bacon) and the cheaper stuff (ribs, roasts, offal, ??) to our neighbors, but I can’t tell if that’s just a realistic way to do it, or if that’s a form of reinforcing privilege. I guess it’s the latter.
Anyway these are things I’ve been mulling over, sorry for the brain dump. Any ideas would be welcome.
Something I try to interject in conversations about Organic produce (is it healthier to eat, etc.) is that the poor brown folks applying non-Organic products are at increased health risks. The eater is not the only person whose health is at play w/r/t Organic vs non-. I rarely see this mentioned.
Don’t apologize– that’s really interesting and I didn’t know that much about it. What you’re doing sounds cool!
I bet this has occurred to you, and I don’t know how useful it would be, but there are CSAs in my area that do monthly subscriptions for a weekly farmer’s choice meat basket thing. Which I think is par for the course? But would allow you to mix and match the basket contents to extract as much profit as possible from the people with money while still charging locals a la carte for whatever at discounted prices. No? I don’t know, just wondering if there’s a way to structure a subsidy
Thanks! Yeah, we do a CSA currently but I think I’m doing it wrong somehow, and it’s not penciling out for me. I don’t want to give the city people just the cheap stuff or they’ll bail, but I probably should try harder to keep the cost of the box relatively stable.
One thing I have considered is actually straight up asking the city people if they want to subsidize or sponsor subscriptions for lower-income folks. I don’t know how I’d find the lower-income folks though … I guess I could talk to my local food bank.
I think, depending on your region, that you’d definitely find city people willing to sponsor a subscription. It’s definitely something I’d be interested in doing! In fact, offering such sponsorships would go in the pro column for your farm when deciding among CSAs.
My urban market is Seattle, and Tacoma to some degree. I feel (without having done any market research) like there would be takers for something like this. Good to hear that you’d support it! Thanks!
If there’s any urban agriculture groups around, they may be able to help. There’s an organization here in Montreal called Santropol Roulant, and though they started as a meal on wheels group they’ve have expanded into a lot of urban agriculture. They’re really big getting kids and low-income people into their gardens, and making the food they grow available to local low-income families. If there’s something like that in your area, I’d bet they’d love to hear from you.
I wanted to say a bunch about your pricing strategy, but I realized I am probably not well informed enough. I think it’s interesting that you include sausage as a “pricier cut”, based on that I suspect that your city customers are going for convenience and ease of preparation. Is there something simple you could do (and here I’m thinking of how the supermarkets sell marinaded cuts, rouladen, etc.) to add more “convenience cuts” to the city mix? That might help improve overall margins and give you more leeway to offer discounts on all items to your neighbors. Just spitballin’ over here…
I’d love to hear ideas about pricing strategy. I have no idea what I’m doing 🙂
I think you’re right about convenience, but also sausage has extra processing costs associated with it (grinding, spicing, stuffing) at the butcher, so it costs more than if the same meat were left as a whole roast or whatever. The roulades etc. also have processing costs and require a USDA facility that we don’t have yet. I’d love to do something like that, and sell our own smoked meats and sausages and stuff, but we’re not there yet. BUT I think I will ask the butcher if they can do anything like that, since they are already a USDA facility …
This is great, thanks for the ideas everyone.
I love reading about this, but I don’t think I have a ton of good ideas. FWIW, I’m the kind of a snotty city foodie who would totally be down with a farmer’s-choice meat CSA (suggested by Genevieve below) but, at the market, would probably just buy the ribs and cheap cuts because of thrift and because I like to cook with them.
I also don’t have any bright ideas for how to strike that balance, but I also love reading about this sort of thing! I’d read the heck out of a Toast post(s) about agriculture and food accessibility.
And yesssss about the organic food being safer for ag workers! Ag workers’ conditions do not get discussed nearly enough.
I’m not enough of an activist to do a good post on food accessibility and food justice, I don’t think, but it is super important. I just don’t have any answers 🙁
I have been trying to figure out if there’s anything in my farm life that might make a good Toast post but all I can think of is doing something like an Ask Me Anything. 🙂
Honestly I think a day/week/month/year in the life of kind of thing would be interesting. Or a day/week at different times of year
I think a perspective of a farmer trying to figure these issues out would be interesting!
WOULD READ.
ME TOO. Nicole, Mallory — can this be wrangled?
“the people who made that food are shopping at Wal-Mart because they have no other choice”
Bulls-eye!
Yeahhhh, I dunno. Isn’t this kind of what we liberals always do to each other? “Oh, you’re doing small things to bring your values and actions slightly more in line? Well, YOU DON’T DO THESE OTHER EIGHT THINGS, so you’re a worthless hypocrite.” Like…does literally every person on Earth who thinks to themselves “perhaps getting my bacon at the farmer’s market would be good for pigs and farmers and local food systems and my health, so I should pay a little more for that” ALSO have to be “actively campaigning to make healthy food more accessible and affordable”? Really? Everyone? Are we allowed to be pretty busy working and raising our kids and “actively campaigning” for, say, reproductive freedom or voting rights or transparency in what kind of chemicals fracking companies are using or *literally any one of a gazillion important causes?* No? It’s food justice or shut the fuck up and eat your Bojangles, is it?
I get that the real point of the article is “my friends and acquaintances are smug and boring when they talk about food.” But it just feels to me like it contributes to the sense of “nothing you’ll do is ever enough, and someone is always ready and willing to tell you what you’d be doing if you *really* cared.”
I always considering that by shopping one way, you *are* taking a stand by being conscious of where your money’s going–the whole voting wit your wallet thing.
Not everybody’s cut out for activism on a grander scale? I don’t have time for much besides writing letters to my congressperson.
I think if you’re buying food with health/economy/ecology in mind, living your life as you see fit, and not coming home and browbeating others on Facebook about how they’re garbage if they eat/live differently you’re golden. But if you’re going to lecture people about what they “should” be doing while at the same time washing your hands of any responsibility for making those choices more accessible, we have a problem.
Dear Intense Debate, please let me thumbs-up things fifty times
Though the older I get, the more I am in the “nothing you’ll do is ever enough” camp, I think it’s more, if you talk about food a lot, and claim to have the moral high ground to the extreme on a regular basis, you should probably be doing a lot less of that if you’re not also working to change policy and working conditions, etc. Because it’s not actually helping very much to buy bacon at a farmer’s market, and if you’re okay with that, that’s fine. Just don’t think that it will make some impact other than making one organic farmer a little more money, and go on with your life focusing on other things.
(also lol why Bojangles, of all places?)
This is the response I would have written if I could have done emotion today. Thanks. All the +1s.
God, yes. Someone posted this piece (and honestly it’s neither long or coherent enough to really be called an article,) on Facebook earlier today and it made me incredibly mad. You know what? As someone who is recovered from an eating disorder (and is a vegan! because that is not a “fad diet!”) I am not going to demand that no one talk about food around me, because that is completely absurd.
The absurd false dichotomy thing–if you care about pigs, you probably hate farm workers!–is absolutely maddening. If I go to a restaurant and ask if I can have a salad without the cheese, that doesn’t mean that I do not give a shit whether the person serving me has health insurance. This implication that I should ask that person whether they have health insurance is simply bizarre. Her analogy doesn’t work, either. Whatever consensual activities happen in the bedroom aren’t anybody else’s concern, because they for the most part aren’t affecting others. Consumer habits DO have incredibly widespread impacts, and for many people that’s the only activism they feel comfortable with. (Sure, as a tool of social change it’s not the most effective, but when social change circles are full of people like Burke screaming “out of my activism!” the reluctance is understandable.) Not everyone has the time or inclination to be a food justice advocate, much less the perfect all-encompassing food justice advocate Julie Burke demands we be, singlehandedly reforming the agricultural system, health care system, and food bank system. “No one seems to worry that an estimated 10 percent of American farm workers are children?” Why does she think people purchase from those local farmers they know and whose practices they are familiar with? Oh, it must be because they think Organic food cures wrinkles or something. And as a side note on Organic foods–it is far more an issue of workers rights (let’s not have those farmworkers Burke cares so much about picking chemical-laden produce!) than it is some kind of bougie health trend.
And honestly, the constant flinging about of the term “white liberal” is starting to annoy me. Burke didn’t actually address racial food access disparities in the piece, or whether and how those are different from class-based food access disparities. It’s pure clickbait.
Ok, obviously my reaction was a little outsize, but this kind of lazy friendly fire is a sore point for me.
Yeah man, and also fuck food trucks.
Wow, Julie Burke, no.
How so? (Seriously, I want to know what you think! It gave me a lot of THOUGHTS and FEELINGS also. But perhaps being magnified by this morning’s coffee…)
Couple things (they might not be totally coherent with each other).
Let’s accept the premise that white liberals of a certain class are more likely to be elitist food shamers, and that this parallels that U.S. followers of certain religions are more likely to be sex-shamers, that tells us…what? The rest of the article completely devolves into shaming the shamers. Are the food dicks actively legislating against food freedoms? No? Then the comparison to the religious right is specious headline clickbait.
Back to the actual shaming. Again allowing that the elitist behavior described does occur, there’s another logical leap that anyone who’s the slightest bit hypocritical about food and food activism (so: all of us, sometimes) is a worthless shitbag. Which, sorry not sorry, is a tumblr-teen-level parsing of social justice.
Overt hints of fat shaming (which, to Burke’s credit, she addressed when it came up in comments).
Complete silence on things that *are* being done to address structural problems like food deserts and farm worker conditions. Given the premise is a parallel to the religious right, which pointedly opposes parallel actions that would actually decrease abortion rates, this can’t really be mentioned without the parallel falling apart. Disingenuous.
Situates food-shaming behavior as personal moral failing and ignores larger contexts such as environmentalism’s cultural history, the industrial ag juggernaut, and the prominence of far-left woo and anti-science scare-mongering in the environmental movement, which easily combine into toxic emotional backlash, superiority complexes, classism, gullibility/lack of critical analysis, and lots of shitty behavior.
tl;dr: if it made the author feel better to point fingers and go “‘IST ‘IST ‘IST OUT OF MY SOCIAL JUSTICE,” fine, but I don’t see much redeeming in her argument or approach.
Though s.e. smith annoys me on a regular basis, ou’s posts about food politics on ou’s home blog offer a much more comprehensive view while still being plenty harsh on asshole food elitists.
Yes! I found the headline clever and clicked through but after reading the article, where was the argument supporting the headline? Cue buzzer sound.
But it was in the ensuing comment section that explained my “that was interesting, but something’s not sitting right…” feeling. A commenter pointed out that asking how and where the food was grown whether at a restaurant, farmer’s market, etc. does not make you an asshole in regards to NOT asking about farm worker’s rights, etc. and furthermore, giving a shit about how to spend your dollars (small organic farm vs. Big Ag) is totally valid.
That was my take but you said it much, much better!
Agreed. The whole thing was super-conclusory. Why does she assume that people who care about food don’t care about people? Who are these people who are saying these things. Not that it doesn’t exist, so many people have defended Eden Foods to me using the argument that no GMOs is more important than covering health care. BUT I care about food mainly because I care about people. It seems like a lot of big-ag companies endanger their workers, and I think part of that comes from not having any respect for the animals they raise. Also, I feel very suspicious about the word “white” as a perjorative. Like, for example, discussing how white feminists often ignore minority women is a total valid point. But this idea that people (who are often themselves white) are going to describe some thing they don’t like as the province of white people is… I don’t know. I guess I first noticed it when I was reading that psycho anti-Emily Gould thing; he kept going on about “white women.”
“I punch first!” Love it! Wish I had punched the dude who grabbed me around the NECK in a bar this weekend, but I did push him away and get him kicked out by the bouncer. On second thought, no, I wish I had kneed him in the fucking nutsack hard enough that he had to go to the ER.
On what planet is it okay to grab a woman BY THE NECK?
Related: why do men on THIS planet think it’s okay to grab women in bars?
I think it’s because no one ever specifically told them not to. Because WHY WOULD YOU THINK YOU HAD TO TELL SOMEONE THAT???
I’ve been working on a defense stance for catcalling. When I feel safe, if someone says something gross to me, I whip around, smile sweetly and say, “FUCK YOU!”, flip em the bird and walk away swiftly.
I spend a lot of time in DTLA, which is an epicenter for a pretty intense group of folks on the street- lots of homeless guys, many with substance abuse issues and mental health problems, plus just a lot of bus rides, and its getting to me. Its pretty constant. Walking to the subway can get me abut 3-5 catcalls easily.
It is going pretty well. I usually feel fired up and still angry, but its better than sad and flinchy. I’m thinking at some point, when I’m ready, comments about my looks are going to be transformed into a stop, full up down body scan of the guy, and a “well you are disgusting.”
My thought is disrupt, disrupt. So much of this shit comes from no one calling the perpetrators out. Catcalling is pleasant to the guy because it makes him feel powerful. He gets to shove his thoughts out there, and there’s no blow back. My friend once got flashed by a guy and she laughed at him as a bit of a surprise reaction. She said he was SO UPSET. He wanted her to be shocked and she was like, “ahahaha, your weiner! Hilarious! Pathetic!”
I definitely think, “punch first” is NOT victim blaming. Its saying, lets get some herd immunity here. Lets make men see women the way they see other men, as potentially risky to tangle with. If every guy who ever went in for a grope thought, “there’s at least a 1 in 3 chance she’s going to deck me”- it wouldn’t solve the problem that that guy is still a disgusting groper, but he might be a less empowered one for sure.
My lovely daughter took a self defense class, and part of their final exam was to be attacked by a police officer. Even though she knew he was an officer, her adrenaline kicked in and she responded so strongly that she knocked the officer down – and he was a big guy. She is 5’4″ and about 130 lbs so it CAN be done. She now does Pilates and yoga twice a week, and also runs. “Got to be PREPARED” she says.
PUNCH FIRST
Your daughter is a badass.
I love your daughter vicariously through her man-punching and subway superhero efforts. A+ family.
Just took a women’s self-defense seminar at my local Krav Maga center. Main takeaway: the stranger who assails a woman does NOT expect her to fight back; most of those guys will beat feet to get away from you if you do anything to fight ’em. So, PUNCH FIRST.
Krav Maga was my favorite fighting class. I’ve taken a lot of martial arts, but on the very first day of class the instructor said, in his awesome accent, “Krav Maga eez not a martial art. It eez basically a method by wheech you kick the other guy’s ass.”
I was sold.
I’ve done Judo and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and I’ve always found that the smaller someone is, the scarier they are in the ring. Small people (and I am on the smaller side myself) do not fuck around. Big dudes are either overconfident or try to be gentle. Small people, especially small girls, know they can’t waste so much as a muscle twitch, and so will just go full force and destroy you.
Judo high five! My favorite is when the kids are still young enough to fight mixed gender and the little girls just go out and flatten the boys, because they are not messing around. The boys always seem so surprised that the girls didn’t wait or move around a little bit first or something.
My dojo is currently about 80% 200lb+ dudes. I find going full force against giant dudes deeply satisfying.
I took a women’s self defense course in college, and it was one of the most fulfilling feminist experiences of my life. I love punching and kicking stuff so much.
I have a two-year-old daughter who, at 18 months, dealt with the problem hugger at her daycare by full-body tackling him and pinning him to the ground after he got into her personal space without her permission.
High-five for tough daughters.
Whatever you are doing, keep doing it. A++ FOR BABY MMEJOY
Seriously though what parenting magic did you do that this was her response? A+++ indeed.
We did some basic self defense in high school PE. Teacher was using me as a demo for a move and I accidentally clocked him in the temple with my elbow. He had a legit bruise for a few days. (I was so proud.)
Several years later I was rough housing with my uncle who works in security and a preteen cousin, and my uncle grabbed my wrist (so I wouldn’t hit him with a pillow) and I did the rotate your wrist and pull out at the thumb thing which totally worked and he was SO PROUD. He made me do it like eight more times until I was like “but I’m getting friction burns”.
No, deleted commenter, I have never read Ayn Rand. And I’m never going to. I have a man who suffered for me. “Read Ayn Rand, male supplicant!” I said to him. “Read her, and tell her if I should.”
“You should not, my goddess,” he said, on returning. “For her politics are juvenile and ill thought out, and her prose is like being slowly eviscerated with a dull blade. Also, what the fuck is with all the rape fantasies?”
And so I did not.
I have been given copies of Ayn Rand books twice by men who desperately hoped that I’d read them, and been threatened with it a third time. Once I got kinda drunk and tried, but I couldn’t get past the weirdly sexual descriptions of metal without laughing. It was so much worse than I’d thought.
One time I was given a copy of an Ayn Rand book by a man, who then asked me to tell him which character I thought he was most like. UGHHHHHHHHHH.
did you say “the train”
I have read Ayn Rand, and your male supplicant is too right about the suffering and the juvenile politics and the rape fantasies. Can I get those hours back somehow?
I read some Ayn Rand in high school. We had a set reading list of classics for our monthly critiques, and when my sweet , dedicated hippie teacher discovered that I’d read almost everything on it more than once, she sat down with me and authorized a new, extended list of “modern classics” so instead of revisiting books and themes I’d read a half-dozen times, I could for once read something fresh. The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged were both on that new list, though I’m sure it pained her to include them.
Even as a teenager raised by a moderate Libertarian — which is to say, the target audience most likely to fall enraptured with her work — I found Rand facile and philosophically self-serving. I still remember wrestling over whether I could use the phrase “shallow masturbatory philosophizing” in my critique without unduly upsetting my teacher.
Responsive, caring high school English teachers are the best. My favorite in high school actually put books on the summer reading list at my recommendation. It was a heady feeling of power.
I HAVE
I LOVE HER
SHE’S CRAZY BUT SHE’S MY CRAZY
I love that OkCupid has a Rand question. It’s a nice trigger for my “nope nope nope” reflex.
I am completely and incoherently delighted by both Baby Dirtbag Nick and by the deleted comment of the day. NOT A ONE OF US, he says.
Non of the highly-intelligent, book-loving, intellectually-curious toast denizens have EVER read Ayn Rand! Because anyone who mocks Ayn Rand must not have read her.
(I have not, actually, because I have more enjoyable things to do with my reading time)
As many others have said before me, life is short and there are too many good books to read [to waste time reading Ayn Rand, especially when Mallory serves it up in such a fantastic way anyway]
I also have not. But given how precisely and thoroughly Mallory mocks them, I assume she must have.
Ayn Rand is great for one thing: if you have recently met someone, and they begin extolling the virtues of Ayn Rand to you, then you know right away to push the eject button on that conversation and relationship. Saves time.
I block people on OKC if they list her in their favourite authors. Whittles down the pool slightly.
Yes, Ms. Rand provides a public service: sifting for glass bowls.
Oh God, where was this excellent advice 20-some odd years ago? Would have saved me ever so much aggro.
yeah LOL at this Randian brodude. I have read the entire published works of Ayn Rand. They are absurd and ridiculous, and also poorly written. Fuck off, brodude.
not only have I read Ayn Rand, but I also won $50 in that essay writing contest on the Fountainhead for high schoolers. It is my crowning glory. SO THERE INTERNET MAN
Oh my god! I won fifty dollars in the frosh-soph “Anthem” essay contest!
I’d like to say I then gave the money to charity, but that’s probably not true.
I also took the copy of the book they sent me and returned it to barnes and noble for a refund (back when you could do that) and got another $7 or so. I think I could justify that with objectivism if I tried hard enough.
GrungeBaby Nick looks strikingly like the boyfriend I had at ~20, which is perhaps more a reflection of the popular hairstyles of the time than anything else, but is still a little unsettling to gaze upon. Hi, fellow 90s dirtbag!
I was in my early teens in the first part of the 90s (too young to date, but not too young to look) and I think this is why I still consider the 90s aesthetic to be the hottest. Long hair and flannel do it for me EVERY TIME. (Hi, Baby Grunge Nick!)
My boyfriend is around your same age and he’s also really into the early 90s aesthetic. He’s always trying to get me into black eyeliner, flannel and doc martens. It’s nice and comfy though, so that’s a plus!
I am so stoked that 90s fashion is making a comeback! I saw a girl on the train the other morning wearing a floral print babydoll dress, a flannel tied around her waist, and Docs. My heart was all aflutter!
My boyfriend at 20 is now my husband, and he never looked anything like GrungeBaby Nick, but I had plenty of friends who did. 90s dirtbags 4eva.
I’m a corporate librarian who teaches our new hires basic search techniques, and wikipedia always comes up in the discussion. I explain that it is a fine starting point for a topic on which you have ZERO understanding. But it should be a start. You see what sources they cite then go to those.
Then I tell them that my 20 year old nephew and his friends think it is hysterical to edit wikipedia pages, and there is no way to tell if a bored, high 20 year old wrote that page and to never trust it.
Once when I was TA’ing I had a student lift big blocks of text from Wikipedia, including both the blue superscript numerals that didn’t correspond to anything in the paper, and hyperlinks, and all that. And I was boggled at the fact that you cared so little that you basically just typed in the topic name into Google and copy-pasted the first thing you found and then you were SURPRISED–yes, honestly–SURPRISED–that I managed to track down your cunning ruse. Who knew?!? I use Wikipedia all the time for things like “where do snow leopards live” or inconsequential stuff like that–the basic facts are usually fairly correct, and it’s nothing important anyway. But please. Please. Please look at your sources.
(Also this student used “imdb.com” as a source. Not a specific page there, just “Imdb.com” in general. Oh, okay.)
Ugh. I have seen papers like that. So many blank faces when I say a list of websites does not a works cited page make (and you have to cite within the paper, people)
At least change the font and the freakin’ font color when you plagiarize from websites. If you’re going to be lazy and unethical at least put some effort into hiding it.
I KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAD THIS HAPPEN. Except it wasn’t her student. It was the woman who was going to replace her at her job, who she was training. A job that involves writing.
Yes, precisely. I used to tell my composition students that Wikipedia was not a source but a source aggregator; you could use it to locate better sources, but in most cases you’ll get better results from the library database.
With the right topic, Wikipedia is a GREAT source aggregator. My undergrad thesis was about Hamas and Hizballah, and while there are library-type sources on them, since the matter is so contemporary you end up relying a LOT on journalistic sources, which means you have to trawl the great wide internet. Since it’s also a controversial topic, the Wiki articles are extremely extensive, so you get a pretty big list of articles that are actually saying something, rather than “the Secretary expressed his grave concern at the situation in the West Bank” or what have you.
For a while, my browser assumed I was going to the Wiki article on Hamas the second I clicked in the url bar. I didn’t even have to type anything.
I always told my students that Wikipedia is fine for settling an argument with your boyfriend/girlfriend about whether Titanic or L.A. Confidential won Best Picture at the 1998 Academy Awards, but it’s not a source to use in a paper.
See, now I just looked that up to make sure I remembered correctly, and wow, there were a lot of classic movies that came out that year!
I’m an academic librarian. I work at a library that specializes in teaching/supporting/serving people in their first two years of higher education. This thread is my entire life and I love you all.
Toasties, I have a grievance against a book which can’t wait until Open Thread because I won’t be here then.
I tried to re-read Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann because I loved it as a teenager and thought it would be great summer reading, a bit trashy but perfectly so, glamorous and intriguing.
Instead, it was awful. The main character, Anne, is described as beautiful in that you don’t know you’re beautiful and that’s what makes you beautiful way, who doesn’t wear make-up, has the plainest clothes and doesn’t realize what the fuss is about. She has all kinds of “progressive” ideas about making her own money and not being dependent on a man but forgets about that up the moment she meets a Man Who Is Not Like All Others. All the men are terrible and I want to kill them with fire, especially Allen you will marry me and learn to love me because I’m rich and I didn’t tell you I was, so of course you don’t know that you actually want to marry me, despite you saying no repeatedly Cooper.
Ugh. I hate this book so much now and I regret picking it up again. I regret reading it at 15 and thinking it was awesome.
Reading a book you loved as a teen is always a treacherous endeavor.
Aw, don’t feel bad that you thought it was awesome at 15. Feel good about how much more you know about the world now that you can see it for what it is! And thanks for describing it to me because I’ve heard of it and wondered if I should read it, and now I think, perhaps I have better things to do with my time.
When you’re 15, it’s awesome and you think you want to be like Anne. Ten years later, and you think Anne should’ve just taken to the sea.
OMG this has brought back memories of when I read that book as a teen.
Remember when Anne meets that guy who asks her if that’s all her own hair or if she’s wearing a secret hairpiece? Or when one of the other female characters (Neely?) goes to some sort of mental hospital and her doctor’s idea of “treatment” was to put her in a coma for a while because he figured by the time she woke up, she would have gotten over whatever trauma had sent her there in the first place (also with bonus weight loss from being fed exclusively through a drip for weeks!).
The super-deluxe Swiss sleep cure! Jennifer does it to lose weight, then Neely goes to someplace in upstate New York to take the sleep cure (under conditions of ultimate secrecy).
… wow, I didn’t realize how much of that book remained lodged in my brain, waiting for someone to call forth some details.
I did not make it that far into the book but it’s all coming back to me now that you mention it.
The swiss sleeping cure! Neely’s husband who was gay and she ignored it! Jennifer’s husband who had mental development issues and whose sister hid it!
I loved all of it but I just can’t ignore all the rest which is appalling.
Ooh, now I’m very scared to re-read Peyton Place. I read it as an older teenager and rolled my eyes a bit at some of the sexy bits, but I do remember it being pretty fabulous and scandalous. I’ll report back.
“Recently, the new Miss America suggested women take self-defence classes in order to defend themselves and “Twitter feminists” went crazy with accusations of “victim blaming”. Caroline Criado-Perez wrote an article in the New Statesman about how self-defence training wasn’t victim blaming and she got all kinds of crap from people saying it was, it was, it was victim blaming.”
[…]
“Sociologist Jocelyn Hollander researches self-defence training and the prevention of violence against women. ”
so ladies, take self-def courses because it’s not colleges or whatever that’s not helping you, it’s yourself (which, for those who remember, was the whole point of debate of Miss Las Vegas’ or whatevers’ response)
Also, some context for the whole ‘Twitter feminist’ label: http://transhollywood.tumblr.com/post/76627115336…
Dear Deleted Commenter, I have read Ayn Rand. ALL of Ayn Rand. It doesn’t matter how much or how little one reads of her delusions. It’s all bullshit, sir. Objectivism is a fever dream.
That amazing punching article has inspired me to check out self-defence training in my city. I am very tempted to sign up for some Krav Maga classes when I get back from vacation. Has anyone taken a similar class? Would you recommend it?
(And maybe this will give me the push I needed to get back into strengh training – I was really good about doing it regularly a few years ago, and actually enjoyed it, but then I skipped a few sessions and that was enough to derail the whole thing, because I am extraordinarily lazy.)
Hi I have not taken a Krav Maga class because I hate getting punched, but my brother and his girlfriend teach Krav and they are legit badasses. So I recommend it.
I took Krav Maga and it was AWESOME. I learned a lot of useful techniques but realistically, your number one goal and best move is “smash testicles and run”.
Obligatory Simpsons quote: No groin, no krav maga!
Testicles and eyes! Ideally perform a testicle-eye swap for the unfortunate male attacker and then be jauntily on your way.
(For real, though, learning how to strike effectively is hard and requires a lot of practice. Classes seem good.)
That mental picture is killing me (in a good way)
Now I’m feeling like I kind of over simplified Krav Maga in my first comment. It wasn’t all just junk-jamming, but I’m very short and I couldn’t do all the moves properly. For example, an elbow to the nose wasn’t possible unless I wanted to jump for it. So in those cases, my trainers were like “Alright, skip the elbow strike and just go for the balls”. Ha! So of course there are other moves and tactics and things that are good, but anytime I couldn’t do something due to my size it always came down to BALLSMASH.
I really want to take a Krav Maga class too! But, I dunno, I sort of want to take one where there would be at least one other woman in it? I know the whole point is to be able to deal with an attacker who would most likely be male, but many beefcakes comin at me on the first go-round sounds a bit intimidating and maybe smelly.
See also: prefer not to be punched too.
The school where I’m thinking of signing up has a class specifically for women! Otherwise I would not be considering it, for the reasons you mentioned, although my first reaction to the words “many beefcakes comin at me” was not one of aversion.
My boyfriend does Krav and he says there are a bunch of women in the class – his favorite teacher is a woman. It is NOT the style of exercise for me consistently, but they do have one-time weekend women’s self defense seminars that I have been meaning to get around to.
You could always go to watch a class and see if you like the vibe/ gender mix. If my dojo experiences are anything to go by, if there are only dudes or very few women present and that’s not typical, someone will almost certainly come up to you and assure you that there are totally women that workout there or that there are usually more women or whatever. Any place that’s not full of complete morons will realize that gender ratio is a thing that women pay attention to and will try to make you more comfortable.
And if you’re not into punching, there’s always jujitsu or judo- not as optimal for self-defense as Krav Maga, but no getting punched in the face.
I’m actually not terribly averse to getting punched. I used to fence in high school and I would go home with bruises all over my arms because I was kind of bad at not getting hit (but good at not getting hit on target, which is what counts. Or so I tell myself) (ETA: I realize though, after reading Linette’s comment down thread, that this is likely NOT THE SAME THING as actually having someone swing at you in a faux-violent scenario, so I don’t actually know how I’d react to that.)
I’ve tried to take Krav Maga TWICE, though, using Internet deals (wherein my problem probably lies) and they have been so DUDE CENTRIC. Dudes who generally treat the ladies in the class like wilting flowers which is the opposite of the point! But, I mean, without deals, the classes are so expensive.
I also took an MMA class once where I was told to chill out because I was apparently hitting my 7 foot tall sparring partner too hard. To which I say, pfft.
Now I get all my self-defense know how from two sources: Buffy rewatches, and organizing drunken fight clubs in the backyard during barbecues. (I need better sources of self-defense know how, clearly. Like classes with ladies only. The only dudes will be the dudes we stomp on come finals.)
Hi – see my comment above. 🙂 The seminar I took was Krav Maga lite, I believe, but I’ve had seminars elsewhere that taught very similar tactics, and they made sense to me.
One of the women there told me that she started out with the women’s self-defense seminars, which she found daunting at first, but now she’s full-on into Krav Maga and sparring.
I took a women’s self defense course in college and it was a magical feminist experience. I assume that not all courses would be so feminist but it was great and I recommend it very much so. My teacher also made a serious effort to spend a lot of time talking about less physical kinds of self defense (red flags for intimate partner violence, early warning signs of domestic violence, what resources were available in the area, enforcing boundaries, etc) and realistically about statistically likely threats to our safety, as well as breaking down the kind of rape culture victim blaming nonsense that implies that if you didn’t do all of “100 things to keep you safe” you deserve what happened. If you’re interested in a course, I would look for something that focuses on self defense and for a women only class. Many schools offer them and if they don’t, you could always ask!
I recommend it with all my heart. Krav Maga instructors (mine, at least, I guess I can’t say all of them) are among the first instructors in fighting I’ve ever had who don’t assume that you don’t know how to punch because you’re a girl and/or that you DO know how to punch because you’re a guy.
In my first class, we had about 8 newcomers, two of whom were women (me included) and 6 guys. He went around checking EACH of us for form, and he did not correct me and he DID correct the two guys who were punching from the elbow. In every class thereafter, he checked everyone’s form, corrected what needed correcting, moved on if nothing did.
They care about two things in Krav Maga: making sure they create a real scenario feeling so you know what it’s like to fight with your adrenaline up, and making sure your form is so good that you will move automatically when you do get into a bad situation. They’re great.
CAVEAT: It can be traumatic to be in those situations if you have had any kind of history with assault. Large men will try to choke you and you will be taught how to get out of that situation, but they will REALLY try to hurt you, because they’re trying to make sure you can get out of the situation. If you’re not comfortable with faux-violent scenarios (you can always get out of them, no one is a monster), then it may not be a good fit.
If you want to only fight with women to start with, that is completely okay, but you may actually WANT to fight the big aggressive dudes at some point, because when you successfully get away from them it gives you a lot of confidence that you can do the same in a real assault scenario. The big aggressive dudes in my class had to be encouraged to fight me with everything they had, but they quickly learned that I could handle it and we changed up the gender dynamic a lot.
There were other women in my class, and it was about half-and-half women like me who were there to be aggressive, and the other half women who were afraid to be aggressive or have someone be aggressive at them. I think guys in the class defaulted to not being too aggressive with women before they figured out which type we were. It was a little sexist, I suppose, but I think the women who were scared of aggression were glad, and that made up for me being mildly annoyed at having the kid glove treatment initially just because I was a girl.
Damn, that is some quick thinking in a break-in situation! I loved those myths, I’ve never seen them before. Focus on injuring, duly noted.
I’ve been robbed twice (well, only successfully once) and both times I instinctively grabbed the man to try and stop him from getting away, while screaming for help. I was disappointed in my own reaction because touching him was dumb (he could have had a weapon!) and the people around me, because they didn’t really react – screaming to a crowd of people “THIS MAN IS ROBBING ME, HE IS TRYING TO LEAVE WITH MY MONEY” resulted in a lot of people staring dumbfounded, but nobody doing anything. Thankfully, nobody was hurt but with a little help from bystanders both robbers could have easily been restrained until the police arrived.
I’m still bitter, apparently.
Oooh, that loneliness article! I also freelance from home, so I feel her. I think it’s really interesting that the definition of “lonely” is basically being unsatisfied with the connections you do have, and that makes me wonder how much of my own perceptions of loneliness/connection are kinda skewed. I mean, she talks about how she doesn’t want to be friends with someone who goes on about kitchen remodeling, but a lot of the time friendships don’t revolve around majorly deep stuff. And having only one person you talk to about important things doesn’t necessarily sound that horrible (says the introvert). Hmm, I guess the question is just what is it realistic to expect?
For me, this is the money quote from that article:
“In other words, people grow lonely because of the gloomy stories they tell themselves.”
And I’ve found that one trusted confidant is worth their weight in gold.
Speaking as a fellow introvert, having one trusted person to help hang out your dirty laundry, share in the laughter, etc. is FAR more preferable to 3 or more “shallower” friends/friendships.
I’m lucky to have one such friend in my life and really, I’m pretty satisfied with that (I’m seeing her this weekend, so excited!).
Didn’t read the linked piece, but there’s definitely something different about loneliness and the ability to metabolize social contact. I struggle with it a lot–there’s never enough, or there’s enough but it somehow evaporates on contact, or or or…it’s a hard thing to remedy.
“but many beefcakes comin at me on the first go-round sounds a bit intimidating and maybe smelly”
Thank you for the first real, proper belly laugh of the day. This was my dating philosophy, back when I did that.
Baby Pavvo recalls such a specific moment in time, fashion & music. Love it.
Also the deleted comment brings me joy, I hope this is a regular feature now!
It is true, though, at least for me.
“Q. What can one person do to deserve getting hit in the face during an argument, let alone by someone claiming to love them? A. Not one goddamned thing.”
That Kate Harding article is just perfect. I love it when brilliant women just shut. it. down.
*clamors for an entire post of deleted comments*
Seconded SO HARD.
*Clamor clamor clamor*
Thirded!
Fourthed!
YES PLEASE!
Although this just inspires me to fake-post silly comments, but let’s be real – the trolls are amazingly vacant and I can’t possibly replicate that.
Possibly an awkward question, but I am burning with curiosity: is there anything specific that makes you think the uneasy future listicles feature got overlooked because the contributor is male?
no just wanted to make you feel bad so you would read it
IT WORKED
I didn’t read that piece because I originally misread the title as “Lipsticks from our brief and uneasy future” and lost interest when I realized it’s not actually about lipstick.
I would read that.
Hell, I would write that.
I am interested in reading that.
also, most of the freelance posts we run by male writers don’t do well at all
This both saddens and interests me.
I’m not conscious of any gender-based click or commenting bias on my part, but then I wouldn’t be, right? That’s sort of how it works, most of the time? I have noticed that I tend to get more into the morning posts, and then my attention waxes and wanes with how comatose I happen to feel by the afternoon. Like, I’m less likely to get into something heavy or with a big lead up in the afternoon because that is when I want to nap above all else, but… That shouldn’t have any bearing on gender bias. And that was a humor post anyway.
HUH.
I don’t feel sad about it at all, they still get paid
I wasn’t so much saddened for them as for me. I’m sure they’re doin fine
About 2 years ago I moved from a small city with a very close knit community of friends, neighbors and weirdos to New York, where I had two friends (who were expecting their first child). I met someone through these friends and now we live together and his social circle is mine by default. Good solid people who have welcomed me into the fold but it’s not quite the same, and it’s also just not enough. I am pretty lonely. I miss having a coffee shop to walk to every morning and shoot the shit with my friends for 20 minutes or so before we all head off to work or whatever. Living in NYC can feel so isolating, especially when friends live in different neighborhoods and nightlife consists of more than just one or two main events that most people you know will be attending.
I try to re-frame it, to take advantage of what the city has to offer, but I realize for as much as I am an independent spirit and really enjoy being on my own, I miss the chorus. I miss sharing and laughing and shit-talking with my people every morning. And you can’t just create that kind of community or jump into one in progress. It’s really an organic process and I’m realizing you’re lucky if you get to experience it even once in your life.
“…much as I am an independent spirit and really enjoy being on my own, I miss the chorus. I miss sharing and laughing and shit-talking with my people every morning. And you can’t just create that kind of community or jump into one in progress. It’s really an organic process and I’m realizing you’re lucky if you get to experience it even once in your life.”
OMG, yes, yes, yes. Works in reverse, too (moved from large urban area to rural industrial 12 years ago and I still haven’t found “my people”, although my fellow horse boarders come close).
Beautifully said, and so true.
Baby grunge Nick Pavich looks just like Daniel from Rectify.
Nicole
Did you just tell us to be nice to a man
#notALLmen
That Kate Harding article was like a punch in the gut; I can’t stop reading about the whole saga from Rice to Smith even though it keeps making me feel physically ill. 🙁
My father worships at the altar of Ayn Rand. Unironic devotion, too. He keeps saying, “Read her books, READ HER, dear child, and your philosophies and general life attitude would be enriched.”
But because I’m barely out of teenagery, I’m all, “Ok next time thanks bye.”
ask him why he is trying to enrich your life at no profit to his own, is he some kind of altruist or something? that’ll fox him
He believes that the Ayn Rand way leads to sitting on a skull throne, sipping money drinks. But he also wants that for his kids…so my not-so-long ago dirtbag self would just nod benevolently and think, “That’s a nice sentiment.”
Where can I get my own Nick Pavich? 1990’s version if necessary, modern version is the preference. Thanks.
I was recently shamed by my conservative, yet Californian, father-in-law for using Morton’s Iodized Salt instead of Sea Salt, so the food is for white liberals article really applies. I’m used to getting crap like this from my mom and sister, so it was weird coming from him. I just want everyone (EVERYONE) to get the hell out of my bedroom AND my kitchen.
Also, when my daughter’s a little bit older, we’re totes doing a self-defense course together. Maybe that will lead people to think twice about telling me which salt to buy.
tell him to knock it off with the goiter shaming
Stone butch blues, lesbian pulp, trans sex work, forensic pathology, baby grunge Nick–I’m going to call it now and say that this is the best day The Toast has ever had. I want to print out all these posts and make them into a ribbon-bound book.
Also, who else is up for a post of everyone’s 90s/early 00s photos?
My fave was "There are basically five senses, of which sight is a very important one."
The assignment was to analyze the visual style of a magazine article.
Also, what if the essay is ten pages long? HMMM.
MALLORY. MALLORY. I need you to write about your experience going to the gym with Nicole, ok thanks.
it was great and i’m the strongest girl in the world
“Self-defense training has also been found to … change gender expectations and interactions.”
Taking up martial arts in general works, too. See: my entire college party/ bar experience. Dude (trying to engage me in conversation) “What do you do for fun?” Me “Judo” Him “Like judo chop?” Me (rolls eyes) “No, like chokes, throws, armbars and pins” (smiles in slightly sinister fashion). Dude “I, uh…think I see my friend calling me.” Easily scared off, college dudes.
My husband thinks I’m a badass while simultaneously wanting absolutely no part of this full contact sports nonsense, so I feel like it’s worked out pretty well for me on the whole.
I get a similar “oh shit” face when I tell people I used to be a private investigator. “Oh, like Erin Brockovich?” “No, like tracking down former Klansmen in the trailer courts of southern Indiana.” “……..Oh.”