Mallory and I are in Sedona, you’ll be hearing more about that later. We got our auras read! Mostly, though, we’ve been eating and sitting in companionable silence gchatting each other links about serial killers while we ignore the natural beauty that surrounds us.
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If you have not yet read Jia’s rant about “Rude,” OR SEEN THE VIDEO, WHICH CHANGES EVERYTHING BC HE IS SO PUNCHABLE, please run over to The Hairpin AT ONCE, we’ll wait for you:
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Buncha quilting women have a SUPER POLITE CONFRONTATION about misogyny. (Thanks, Kate!)
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At the current time, I would like to endorse the purchase of The Deadly Dinner Party, which is mostly medical stories about food-borne illness, but also contains other things like “aquarium finger.” Mostly, just literally do not eat anything that isn’t heavily processed, and if something says “Refrigerate After Opening” THEY ARE NOT JOKING. Throw out your minced garlic in oil if it’s been sitting out! Never drink apple cider from an adorable small family-run orchard! Do not drink comfrey tea, and ESPECIALLY do not gather rando leaves that look like comfrey but are in fact foxglove because you’ll die within hours. Okay. Go eat some Fritos and Sierra Mist and be at peace.
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It’s possible (and a lawsuit contends) that “Happy Birthday” is NOT in copyright! Which would mean an end to things like Liz Lemon singing it in German and all manner of comedic workarounds.
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AHP explains how TMZ happened.
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I love Roger Angell so much, and now that he’s 93 I panic whenever I see his name on Twitter. It’s safe to look.
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ROXANE. Roxane:
Smith’s bullshit was galling on so many levels but for women, this is not a new message. Our job, throughout our lives is to not provoke men into beating us, raping us, cat calling us, whatever. Men, so many people would have us believe, simply cannot control themselves so it is our job, as women, to not only live our own lives but make sure men don’t hurt us.
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No, I actually absolutely do want to see Tywin Lannister giggle, THANK YOU.
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
aquarium finger
That phrase alone has landed that book on my wishlist.
Also want to read this :http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1565126831/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1406581931&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40
And this:Wicked Bugs: The Louse That Conquered Napoleon’s Army & Other Diabolical Insects by Amy Stewart http://www.amazon.com/dp/1565129601/ref=cm_sw_r_u…
URGH I HATE THAT SONG, I HATE IT, I HATE IT. Thankfully it’s not as popular here in Canada (or at least in the backwoods where I live) as it was in the late winter, but oh god I HATE THAT SONG.
1. If your beloved cannot answer you for herself and marry you, probably not a good decision.
1b. If your beloved refuses to marry you unless her father consents, do you really want to get involved in that?
2. UGH REFUSING A REQUEST IS NOT BEING “RUDE.” It would be RUDE if he said “No, fuck off, you beanie-wearing loser, you can’t marry my daughter, and also, get a real job!” It is not rude to say “No” and close the door. The ACTUAL rude thing is rolling up to a dude’s house, asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage, and saying “Say yes say yes, I need to know,” and then going “I’m gonna marry her anyway.” Then why are you asking, you monumental dumbfuck?
3. Also, I cracked up at Here is his love object, an Instagram filter: because yes. And there’s a handy app available on your phone, Beanie Man, so you won’t be resorting to marrying random women when you can search for #beautitul #girls and sate your desires that way.
I forgot everything else I meant to say about why I hate this song, but I do.
Jia’s rant was so satisfying that upon finishing I immediately read it again. That song is like dudebro-ism distilled and transformed by some sort of hellish alchemy into an invasive earworm. It should have it’s own damn chapter in one of Nicole’s horror books.
#beautiful #girls #cute #sexy #amazing #females #ladies #cuties
Why I have a private Instagram account.
My now-fiancee REALLY wanted to ask my parents for my hand in marriage. I was like, dude, I am a free agent.
My husband doesn’t really do that in his culture so when I explained the tradition to him, he went “Did you want me to ask your dad?” and I was like “NO, THAT WAS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT, DEAR GOD NO.”
My husband didn’t ask my dad before he proposed. We also refused to have my dad/parents “hand me over” at the alter on our wedding day. My parents walked as part of the procession, and my husband and I walked up the aisle together – we’d done everything else that way up to that point, and we weren’t about to change that on that day.
I have friends who think it is romantic. My response was, “anyone who asks my Dad for permission to marry me is getting broken up with.”
My guy asked me if I wanted him to ask my parents. a) Props for asking to ask my PARENTS, not my dad and b) ARE YOU MAD?
My dude once told me that he thought my dad would appreciate being asked, and I was like HOW DARE YOU SLANDER MY FATHER IN SUCH A MANNER also nope
My husband’s father got mad we didn’t check to see if us getting married was OK with him. That’s… basically the tenor of our relationship.
Can we also talk about the music? There is nothing redeemable about it. The words are terrible but the music baffles me further; how is this a popular song? But “Rude” is a reggae song the way a gas station taquito is a formal expression of Mexican cuisine Jia tells it like it is.
Additionally, it’s just ANNOYING AS HELL and makes me want to tear my ears off.
I only made it 1 minute in and nopetopused out of that tab quick.
“nopetopussed” just entered my lexicon and I will be using it extensively; this is why I love the Toast community.
I wanted to punch everyone involved in that song before I saw the video stills. Now I want to punch them even more. NO YOU CANNOT HAVE ANYONE’S DAUGHTER, UGH, THANKS, GET OUT.
I just read the beginning of The Deadly Dinner Party on Amazon. Botulism is terrifying and now I don’t want to eat anything ever again.
So I panicked the other day after eating some capers that maybe had a popped seal but maybe not. HOW COULD I NOT PAY ATTENTION. After much, much hand wringing and reading about the symptoms of botulism, my partner looked up how many people get it in the US every year. It is. . . not a lot. Stay away from homemade canned green beans, seems to be the consensus.
God, the brownie pie essay. All of Roxane Gay’s baking and cooking/life essays are just…it is hard to describe how they make me feel. They are beautiful, terrifying work.
On a significantly less serious note, I have a question for those of you who know more about food and disasters than I. My boyfriend’s 25th birthday is tomorrow and I am making him a lemon cheesecake, as I strongly believe those with birthdays should have whatever cake(s) they desire. Last night, I bought ingredients, including cream and cream cheese, and then went to an event (that I thought would be shorter than it was) and left the food in the car (which was hot for maybe an hour before the sun set). They were in there unrefrigerated for maybe 4-5 hours. If they don’t smell weird when I take them out of the refrigerator, where I put them promptly upon getting home, ARE THEY OKAY?
I would go ahead and say yeah. That’s basically the equivalent of leaving it out to reach room temperature, isn’t it?
Though I’d say if there are eggs you may want to toss those, but that’s mostly because I don’t know much about eggs.
Hm, okay, thank you!
There were some eggs, but it’s pretty easy to test whether those have gone bad – you get a big bowl of water and put the eggs in, and if they float, they are bad. Like witches! (This is a thing I’ve recently learned and it’s so fun that now I test all my eggs, regardless of how recently I’ve bought them.)
I am going to go home and float that half dozen eggs that has been sitting in my refrigerator since I can’t remember when. I don’t use them often enough to remember WHEN they were purchased, so that should be a sign. I hope they are not witchy!!
Me too, best of luck! Get a bowl of water deep enough to cover the eggs standing up. If they tilt up and balance on their tip, but don’t actually float, they are still good but on their way to bad, so best use them soon.
The floaty test tells you if they are old and dried out. I don’t think it would tell you if something unpleasant had colonized them while they were at room temperature.
They are probably fine, though. I would say they’re definitely fine if you’re cooking them, but if you’re a cautious sort, then you might want to avoid having any of the eggs from that particular carton over easy.
On the other side of things, eggs that just barely fail the float test are often still ok for baking, though not great.
Basically, eggs are nearly as mysterious and complicated as witches.
Huh, I thought the floaty test told you if they were bad because of GASES and also MAGIC.
So far as I understand, it is because of GASES, but the gases are air that snuck in when some of the water in the egg snuck out.
I suppose an egg that had gone bad-egg bad might float because of gases, but an egg that’s just harbouring a little salmonella probably wouldn’t.
It’s all being baked, so should be fine as long as it doesn’t smell (I’m sort of surprised about the cream!). Eggs are definitely fine, because in Europe eggs aren’t even refrigerated at the supermarket (nor in a lot of homes after purchase), and people don’t get sick from it seemingly…
except once eggs HAVE been refrigerated, as they are in the US, it actually does become an issue for them to warm up, mostly because they are also washed in the US and so the shell becomes more permeable, and when they warm up, moisture condenses on the surface and all sorts of nasties can get into the egg.
If it passes the sniff test and the float test, you’re good! This has happened to me before and no disasters occurred. Yay for cheesecake and your cake philosophy, which is good and proper.
I’m assuming you don’t live in Texas where we are currently reaching over 100 degrees and 60 minutes in an unairconditioned car would make the eggs explode in the carton.
(For what it is worth, I’d throw them ALL away. I’ll risk stuff being out of the fridge for an hour, but beyond that you’re risking all sorts of food borne illnesses. http://www.fda.gov/food/resourcesforyou/consumers… )
She said on Twitter that the food essays are working toward a book to be released next year called Hunger. So exciting!
I don’t sell Aurifll thread on my Sewing/quilting website and now I NEVER WILL.
Link please! I will gladly support a toastie’s sewing/quiling website. Especially one that doesn’t put up with sexist bullshit.
Maybe No Sexist Bullshit should be my Corporate Mission Statement. http://www.thelittlehuntingcreekcompany.com
Kinda digging the Rude bridal aesthetic, though:
I love that dress. It isn’t the usual horrible cliche strapless column dress, so kudos to the designer-but I HATE THAT SONG
But did you see the beenie? What the hell was that?
Wedding beanies: apparently a thing.
No.
Basically
Oh, bless you for finding this terrible thing for us.
We do what we must, because we can.
This would be perfect for a nuclear winter wedding, like if Snowpiercer had been a romcom.
Less dismemberment, more klutzy MPDGs.
She is clearly waiting to bust out her own matching wedding beanie. *looks at it longingly, waiting for the perfect moment*
Nicole, I am right there with you on Roger Angell oh-thank-god-he’s-not-dead-yet train.
Another agreement here on Roger Angell specifically, but also the whole concept of [name] who is really old trending on Twitter putting me into a panic. Locally the sports channel started talking a lot about Lon Simmons (who is 91) and I thought Uh-oh, but luckily this time it was just a TV show about him.
Every time I hear an old-ish (from the 60s-70s) song on the radio during my morning commute (when the station I listen to often talks about music industry news) I think “Oh no, did [singer] die?”
After I read that quilting dickwad article, I ran over to my sewing machine to check if I owned any of that thread. Thankfully, I do not. WHEW
Ugh I am glad that I am a dedicated Coats & Clark patron instead of Aurifil. Here’s hoping no one at C&C has a twitter so I can never find out how awful they probably are.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? I don’t WANT to know more about public figures or companies or anything because I’m certain I’ll find out that they’re terrible. Then there will be nothing left (save The Toast) that I feel 100% OK about giving money to.
While it wasn’t a song that filled me with feminist rage, I ALWAYS thought that it was a massive joke whenever Owl City’s Fireflies came on the radio. Literally, the first few times I heard it I thought the DJs were playing it in a “listen to this awful song” sort of way. When they continued to play it, I became more and more confused. It’s awful, y’all.
Anyone else have this reaction to a different top 40 song?
That’s how I feel about Ellie Golding. I’m sure she’s a perfectly fine human being but she can’t sing and all her songs are very boring.
“Can’t sing and all their songs are very boring” could apply to at least half of the Top 40 on any given week.
Oh god, I never knew that song’s name and now I finally can put a name to the face of mediocre ridiculousness.
I had that exact reaction to that terrible Moves Like Jagger song! Then I proceeded to think it was a Bruno Mars song for like two years for no reason at all (sorry Bruno)
It’s not?????
Uh oh, you just made me realize that I’ve been dismissing Bruno Mars for a long time because I somehow thought this too.
It’s Maroon 5! Which, like, actually makes sense. I’m glad I’m not the only one who suffered from this completely random misconception.
HATE THAT SONG.
Especially the WHISTLING.
Subway She Is A Porno still makes me howl with rage.
This is old, but I just heard more than just the chorus of “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (Fergie, I think?) for the first time today and was baffled. Approximate roadmap is: meditation -> it’s not you it’s me -> we’re playing jacks on the playground and also having sex?? because -> you’re like a security blanket -> but I need some me time -> and also I need not to cry -> back to meditation. SERENITY.
Love Shack is possibly the most annoying song in the world, and anyone who plays it or sings it in karaoke automatically sinks multiple levels in my estimation.
Sort of related: The very first time I saw a Britney Spears video I thought “why are they dressing this 30 year old up as a teenager, is this a joke?” I was not familiar with the Texas fake-tan, big-hair lots of makeup look, so even though she is the exact same age as me (16 at the time), she looked way older to me. None of the teenagers I knew looked like that.
I really hated that song Classic, until I found out that half of MKTO is Wa(aaaaaaaa)lt from Lost. Now it’s still a terrible song, but I’m glad that guy’s post-child-star career is going so well.
I actually really love that song 🙁
But any song with triplets in the musical notation will make my ears perk up, so maybe my bar is a tad low.
My mom is a big SYTYCD fan so we watched the show when Jason DeRulo guest-hosted last time I visited her. He seemed like a nice enough guy during the judging part, and then he got up to sing a ridiculous song about butts. My mom and I both spent the whole song trying to figure out if it was a parody.
I dunno if this is my phone or The Toast, but I can’t remember the last time a Buzzfeed link worked for me. It always takes me to this bare-ish page with a weird face on it, and asks me to let them know if the problem persists, which, no, probs not gonna do that, I only click over when AHP is linked. Still though.
(Buzzfeed.com works fine from my phone, just links from the toast never work for me.)
There is nothing I enjoy half so much as serial killer links. Please share some of the ones you and Mallory exchanged!
neither nicole nor mallory here, but: longform recently linked to their serial killer archive here.
when i saw it, my first thought was, “yussss right up my alley” and then i felt slightly distressed.
oh my goddddd I will never sleep again
I was super excited until I looked at that list and realized I’ve read all of those already. 🙁
If this says something about me, I don’t want to know what it is.
same boat. there were one or two that i hadn’t read, but mostly i was like, “aw man i recognize this opening hook”
may i suggest their con-men archives? less blood, but just as much delicious psychological manipulation.
That face. THAT FACE. IT IS THE MOST PUNCHABLE FACE, JESUS. Just look at that picture- long wavy hair, beads, leather jacket, and then that horrible White Guy Bro-Sneer on top. Nuke him from orbit.
It’s the only way to be sure.
And if someone thinks it’s too expensive, THEY CAN BILL ME.
(I love this thread so much.)
Any dissenters to nuking Magic! into orbit? No? Then it’s game over, man, GAME OVER!
(I love this thread so much, too! How much? I named my (late) female German Shepherd “Ripley”, ’nuff said.)
I’ve got a friend who just finished her dissertation on the public health angle of food-borne illness, and she sometimes posts delightful snippets on Facebook. Even so, I shall never stop licking the bowl when making cookies. Never!
Must share:
http://confusedcatsagainstfeminism.tumblr.com/
That Magic! Band was performing at the water park I went to this weekend. It was awful. The park played the song like 100 times on the sound system. I didn’t watch them play but I walked by once and they were doing a reggae cover of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” At the end I went up to take a photo with the main dude so I could see what he looked like up close. He was wearing a Bob Marley tshirt and definitely looked Weimaraner-ish.
I’m really into the word “punchable” as a way to describe a man’s face.
There’s a wonderful Russian expression that can even top it: “a face begging for a brick.”
Russian is such a beautiful language, for this and many other reasons.
Phonetically, how would that word sound? Asking for a friend. Not at all because most of the men I know fall under this description.
Roxane’s piece is a real gut-punch – think about how sad it is that she threw the brownie pie away. Like, really, how devastatingly sad it is.
That…really hurt.
It knocked me right out of the groove to read that. I can’t really remember the rest of that entry because it was such a gut-punch. (I originally saw it on my tumblr dash, so I stared into space for a second, then moved on to the next because I just couldn’t.)
I had that reaction, too. The whole process seemed like a form of self-torture. Exquisitely artful self-torture, but still.
This is probably just me projecting my own issues onto someone I don’t even know, though.
Speaking of gchatting serial killers: big thanks to whoever linked to wikipedia’s People Who Disappeared Mysteriously list last week. My favorite/not favorite is the two men in Florida who were picked up by the same cop, “dropped off at the circle k,” and never seen again. Not suspicious at all, that one.
Your aura is _puuuuurple_, it’s PUUUUURPLE/rockstars have kidnapped my son, etc.
BRB going to marathon Frances McDormand in everything.
She is clearly waiting to bust out her own matching wedding beanie. *looks at it longingly, waiting for the perfect moment*
I know, logically, that Charles Dance is CAPABLE of smiling and being light but it always upsets me when he is shown doing this. It’s like watching a monkey hold a gun, unnatural and dangerous
It’s like Stephen A. Smith found out his co-host Skip “Not Rick” Bayless was widely regarded as the most hated commentator in the sports world, and decided to take that crown and prove his own mettle on the fields of malignant idiocy.
I am *livid* at his non-apology this morning; “sorry you all got offended”! It is so very obvious he actually really thinks & believes what he said. The only positive out of this is seeing most right thinking people being absolutely appalled by him/this whole mess.
Not to take away from that horrible song, or that horrible sports commentator, but did anyone catch La Course yesterday? I tuned in for the final state of the TdF but did not see the women’s race.
http://prowomenscycling.com/2014/07/24/la-course-…
I paused Dark Side of the Moon to play “Rude” so that’s how this day’s going.
I just looked at the still from that ‘Rude’ thing and I can tell from the hat alone that that guy is the biggest douche ever.
OH MY GOD I WENT AND GOT A HAIRCUT AND HEARD THIS SONG ON THE RADIO FOR THE FIRST TIME WHAAAAAAAAATTTT
Like is this seriously a song about a dude who wants to marry a woman who hates him and has no interest?
You know what’s rude? The fact that I will now have that song stuck in my head all. fucking. day.
(Much like “Blurred Lines,” I have had the melody implanted in my brain by background radio long before I ever actually listened to the lyrics. Now I’m disgusted *and* humming along.)
Weird Al has a solution for that.
I actually hate grammar nazism only slightly less than I hate Robin Thicke, so alas, this is not as great a solution as it could be. Weird Al does usually have a solution for terrible music, though, and I salute his efforts.
Yeah, I want to enjoy that song, but I’m not comfortable with “hasn’t had the opportunity to learn/is unable to learn the frankly bizarre way English is” = “stupid and worthy of name-calling”
like witches!!! (I love this and will now never forget this trick again)
In Egypt the eggs are definitely not refrigerated in the store (and it is hot as BALLS), and I never had any trouble, so, shrug.
Why does that Magic guy keep lunging into the camera? I don’t want to see up your nose, dude!
That song does at least seem like it could be repurposed, though. Like, a gay lady standing on the steps of the Supreme Court singing about why they gotta be so rude not letting her marry her girlfriend? I’d listen to that.