“Union Street Guest House, located in Hudson, N.Y., recently warned that guests that book the venue for wedding or other types of events risk losing part of their deposit if they complained about the hotel online.” Washington Post, August 4.
Welcome to the Hotel California. Please know that despite the fact that wedding couples love California and our hotel, your families and the pretty, pretty boys you call friends may not. This is due to the fact that your guests may not understand what we offer, and may be unsure whether their stay here is likely to be heaven or hell. Further, and this may be our fault, please assure them that our air is infused with the warm smell of colitas, or marijuana buds, and not colitis, or inflammation of the colon.
TCH & the dark desert highway region are historic. The buildings here are old (but remastered). Our rooms are designed to look old in a 1970s “retro” way. Yes, we find our way through the corridors by candlelight, but this provides more than enough illumination due to the mirrors on the ceiling. Many guests appreciate that THC is “a lovely place” that can be found here “any time of year,” unlike other hotels that may wander off during the spring or fall. If your guests are looking for a Holiday Inn type hotel, motel, they may prefer to drive off in a def OJ.
Before posting any negative comments on Yelp or other review sites, please dance to remember, not forget, what we do and do not promise. For instance, our bell captain endeavors to make it very clear that we have not had wine here since the unfortunate incident involving the moon landing, the Stonewall riots, the first IVF treatments and Chappaquiddick. We are sure you know what we are referring to.
On the other hand, we do serve pink champagne, which, come to think of it, is a type of wine, so scratch that.
In addition, THC rooms are fully appointed with linens, bath towels and basic toiletries, but you must provide your own alibis. Although some people find this an inconvenience, most have told us that it is “a nice surprise.” Perhaps you are here for a wedding or other type of event and are “living it up” with a bridesmaid. In any case, THC will not cover for you.
In short, THC is programmed to offer you a comfortable stay in an historic building with hip, period furniture. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave a negative review or there will be a $500 fine deducted from your deposit.
Update: The Hotel California has updated its Facebook page to say that it is not a real hotel but rather an allegory about self-indulgence in 1970s America. It requests that critics “take it easy.”
Tags: all eagles haters will be banned, daniel radosh, negative reviews, the eagles, the eagles fucking rule and that is an official toast stance
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It’s worth noting also that local cab drivers have reported that if you don’t like their fucking music, you can get your own fucking cab.
But I just hate the fucking Eagles!
Then I SUGGEST you find yourself another blog.
The entire time Nicole and Mallory were furiously tweeting about it, I had “Take It Easy” confused with “Slow Ride.” Still do, I guess, in that I have no idea what “Take It Easy” sounds like. But I’m sure it’s great!
“Take it Easy” says he has seven women on his mind. A little 70s humble brag right there.
Winslow Arizona is highly overrated as a romantic destination.
Have you seen the “Sister Wives’ where husband takes all his wives and daughters to that corner? It was pretty meta
Been to Winslow. At about the same time the song debuted. Parents had promised us kids ice cream if we finished our camp chores before the rain started. Too late they realized the nearest ice cream was an hour away, in Winslow. But we worked hard and a promise is a promise. And ice cream was not common in our childhood. So we all piled into the truck and drove to Winslow. Dad memorized our orders and went inside for sundaes and cones because Mother would not let us out of the truck. Frankly, we were relieved to stay in the truck. It was the grittiest place we had ever seen. Looking back as an adult, I’m pretty sure I saw at least three drug transactions go down. Winslow: not a mecca for romance. Not back then, at least.
PERFECT THING IS PERFECT
Guess who is a fully grown adult who JUST realized that the acronym for The Hotel California is THC.
Um, me?
Total revelation for me too. Oops?
(also this is fantastic)
And what colitas are.
I assumed colitas were some sort of Mexican pastry for years.
I thought they were a cocktail!
I thought they were a flower! I actually had a pretty vivid image of some kind of wisteria-like vine with red, fragrant flowers. Well then.
Since early childhood I’d assumed it was a variety of jasmine, since night-blooming jasmine is the scent I associate with summer evenings in California.
I always thought they were saying something like “coleet dust,” which I assumed was a special sort of Mexican/New Mexican desert dust.
I am Spartacus.
Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That makes sense now.
I’m here for the Clueless About Marijuana References in Songs meet-up.
Haha, me too.
I was clueless about the marijuana reference in ‘Clueless’ for longer than I care to admit.
I just found out a couple of days ago that “Bridge Over Troubled Water” is about drugs, too. I always thought it was such a nice song about friendship and the power of helping each other out.
Late to the party (I’m always late to the party. Because I don’t want to get there early & bogart all the drugs.) (is that how you spell bogart? is that a reference to the actor? was he a pothead?)
Anyway, yes, I also had no idea about THC or colitas or so so many other things.
Must everything be about drugs with these bands? Sometimes songs about a boy and his dragon are just that. SONIC MAGIC.
GODDAMN whut?
Off to sign up for Remedial Weed References in Pop Cuture 101
That one’s just not so! Mary said herself that “if he’d wanted to write a song about marijuana, he would have written a song about marijuana,” which I think makes an awful lot of sense.
Christ, I always though they were singing about the scent of fajitas.
just heard “Take It Easy” for the first time
it’s pretty good
IT’S A GIRL MY LORD IN A FLATBED FORD SLOWIN’ DOWN TO TAKE A LOOK AT ME
“My sister recently had her wedding at The Hotel California, which I of course attended. The facilities were clean, shag-carpet retro, kept–while I am not a connoisseur of Mission architecture, I know a well-maintained campanario when I see one, you know? The DJ provided by the venue was lively, if a little dated. The boys were, as promised, pretty. But the catering was quirky at best–the only option on the menu was the ceremonial slaughter of an eldritch, faceless beast in the master suite, which clashed with the chosen theme of “lilacs and lavender,” at least in my opinion. We didn’t succeed in killing the thing, anyway. It just bled and bled, but its heart beat on. We don’t even know if it is capable of death. By supper hour’s end, my sister was coated to her elbows in blood, one steely knife in each hand. we all settled for the vegetarian option, as the creature sat in the corner, breath rattling, eyes black. Vegetarian option was good nonetheless, though bland.
The bed was comfy, lots of support, though I was woken up a half-dozen times throughout the night of the concierge tramping the grounds at all hours, calling from far away, ‘WELCOME TO THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA..’ Which sounds inconvenient, but was a welcome respite form the sweat-soaked, peyote-induced nightmare which gripped at my arm and threatened to loose me from the tether of physical reality.
3/5 Stars – Good for Price, Would Recommend for Families”
Any Hunter S. Thompson sightings? This sounds like his kind of hang.
I always associate THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA, particularly “you can checkout anytime you like, but you can never leave” with that episode of Star Trek: TNG when the crew gets stuck in that murder mystery noir hotel holodeck program and the same events keep playing out over and over again.
Or The Royale, where they get stuck in a creepy casino built by aliens for a long-dead astronaut.
That was that episode.
Oh that’s what it was! Somehow I remembered it as a holodeck program from Picard’s noir novels, but you’re right, it was aliens!
As long as there’s a painfully (read: deliciously) long instrumental intro and outro attached to the venue, I’ll be happy to frequent the Hotel California every time I find myself in need of an allegorical place to crash off a dark desert highway.
“One of These Nights” is a classic, though.
This is one of the few “positive” reviews on the Union Street Guest House yelp page:
“As a leprosy sufferer, it was a welcome change to discover that other sufferers before me had been there. The bridal suite my wife and I occupied made us feel right at home! The sheets and pillow cases were reassuringly still covered in blood stains and dried flakes of skin, we even found a big toe at the end of the bed! We had a good giggle over that ( we have taken it home and pickled it in a jar of alcohol, it may come in useful one day). We intend to return, if for no other reason than trying to recover my penis. If found, please hand it in to reception.”
Awesome!
Lyin’ Eyes is way better than Take it Easy.
I’ve taken to singing Lyin’ Eyes every time I suspect my kids aren’t being fully honest with me. They love me SO MUCH.
I am perpetually here for the Eagles, especially after Slate ran that anti-Eagles piece last year and it broke my fucking heart. Especially since they followed it up with a Hall and Oates hate piece, and then I was just so done.
This is beautiful and golden and nothing hurts.
Ah! I spent a couple of hours reading reviews of the Union Street Guest House a few weeks ago. The owner responds to each negative review, explaining his version of events, and why the complaints are baseless. It is amazing in a train wreck kind of way. Definitely recommended reading: http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g47931-d4…
While I am not a big Eagles fan – LET ME FINISH THE COMMENT BEFORE YOU BLOCK ME, PLEASE – I am a huge Steely Dan fan and my favorite bit of Eagles trivia is the cute exchange of lyrical references the two bands had. “They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast” from THC is in response to Steely Dan’s line “turn up The Eagles, the neighbors are listening” in Everything You Did. You can come up with your own motivations for this, or you can take Yacht Rock’s version as gospel.
Wait, this song isn’t about abortion?
Sugarhill Gang reference FTW