NO INDICTMENTS in the John Crawford shooting.
Absent from the (enjoyable and informative) articles I’ve seen about the MIT Hackathon’s attempts to design a less-terrible breast pump: the REALLY IMPORTANT and under-reported fact that Obamacare mandates that your insurance company buy or rent you a goddamn breast pump. And those things cost a fortune, so inform thyself and get yours. If you are on Medicaid or WIC, check with your state, like literally just google “mystate WIC breast pump” and you will get meaningful assistance with breastfeeding and QUITE LIKELY a pump, but will not fall under the Affordable Care Act’s mandate.
Me, I checked with my insurer (Regence Blue Cross Blue Shield of Utah), and they actually will get me a decent one (yours may not! and they may try to jack you up and dodge your calls!) And since I get hit with a $5000 maternity co-pay (which does not count towards my deductible) every time I have a kid, I am very happy to shake my insurer down for everything I got comin’ to me.
I recommend checking with the Medela site for your insurer’s info, Lord knows the breast pump companies are happy to help you out with this, they do not care who is paying them.
TELL YOUR PREGNANT FRIENDS.
if you claim to be tough on crime but don’t want to go back to executing animals after elaborate trials smdh:
Alas, 30 years later the weevils returned and the town was forced to take them to court. The trial began on April 13, 1587, with a lawyer named Antoine Filliol assigned as the weevils’ public defender. He argued that his clients had been placed on Earth by God, who would never have put them here without the sustenance to survive. It was just a bit unfortunate that this sustenance happened to be the town’s crops. The prosecution, however, asserted the town’s dominion over the visiting weevils, that “although the animals were created before man,” Evans writes, “they were intended to be subordinate to him and subservient to his use, and that this was, indeed, the reason of their prior creation.”
JESUS CHRIST, they’re shoving pregnant women to the ground now.
AHP’s book excerpt in Vanity Fair! I have read the book, and we’re planning on reading it TOGETHER, and this chapter was a real kick in the face:
Clift’s sexuality, like those other 50s idols Rock Hudson and Tab Hunter, was carefully concealed from the public. But that didn’t mean that the gossip press didn’t hint at something different, something queer, in the broadest sense of the word, about him. Just look at the fan magazine titles: “Making Love the Clift Way,” “Two Loves Has Monty,” “Montgomery Clift’s Tragic Love Story,” “Is It True What They Say About Monty?” “Who Is Monty Kidding?” “He’s Travelin’ Light,” “The Lurid Love Life of Montgomery Clift,” and, perhaps most flagrantly, “Monty Clift: Woman Hater or Free Soul?”. Benign to most but, in hindsight, highly suggestive.
It has been one day since we lost Debo
Jack Handey remembers Phil Hartman:
Several times since Phil’s death, I’ve had the same dream about him: I am back in the studio, working on Saturday Night Live, and Phil is there! “Phil,” I say, “I thought you were dead!” It turns out that it was a mistake that Phil was dead, or that now he’s some type of reanimated zombie. All I know is I am very happy to see him again.
THE AMTRAK RESIDENCY LIST IS OUT AND CONGRATULATIONS TO KATIE HEANEY BUT OBVIOUSLY NO ONE LOVES TRAINS LIKE MALLORY.
uh, get off bim’s case? i do not know why the village voice is taking this particular tack
There’s a new article in Slate about explaining the academic job market to non-academics that reminds me a whole bunch of these two recent pieces by Amanda Ann Klein, so I will share those instead! One and Two.
PARSNIPS ARE GREAT BUT MOST OF THIS IS WACK.
Gather round, for I have another little story about Zen for you, one that I am reminded of with some frequency and have changed only a little for privacy reasons.
This one is not from my teacher, it is from one of my teacher’s teachers, who, some years ago, as a normal, non-Zen-practicing person, suddenly lost his wife to cancer and found himself with several small children and a gaping emotional wound the size of the Grand Canyon. And he dragged himself around, lost in misery and pain, trying to act like a functional human for his children, and it wasn’t getting any better, and he decided that this is generally the sort of thing that leads people to find a spiritual path of some kind, so he started checking out various options, like a character in an indie movie.
And after numerous fruitless trips to churches and synagogues and temples, he found himself at the Zen center, which was, on that particular day, featuring a talk by a visiting Russian monk. So he sat down, and the Russian monk, a slightly-dour-looking woman, gazed out at the room and said:
“ZE FIRST THING YOU MUST UNDERSTAND ABOUT ZEN, IS THAT IN ZEN, ZHERE IS NO HOPE.”
And, right, this would not be great for everyone, but the protagonist of our story was all OH MY GOD THANK YOU THAT IS THE BEST AND MOST HELPFUL THING I HAVE EVER HEARD, THIS IS THE PATH FOR ME.
Because he realized, right, as many of us do, that for him, the greatest source of his pain was thinking that things were gonna improve, and every day his life CONTINUED to be garbage and his wife REMAINED dead, and he was constantly experiencing that horrible human condition by which the gulf between his expectations and the reality of life made him deeply, deeply unhappy.
And so he let go of the notion that things were going to get better and began expecting nothing of the universe other than exactly what was, and then, when things eventually DID get better, it was quite pleasant, and he eventually received jukai and became a robed monk himself, and I have met him and sat zazen with him and he is pretty much suffused with peace, and absolutely no hope.
That Amtrak residency is such a fun list, with so many people I like! Farai Chideya! Glen Weldon! Marco Werman! So….maybe that’s just pubic media people I like.
It’s also so nice to see that it’s not actually that hard to make a list that doesn’t just feature straight white men. I mean, this list has women, and people of color, and gay people, and fat people, and I’d basically love to have coffee (or another drink of their choice) with practically everyone on it.
It is still (apparently) mostly white people, but it’s a start!
Mostly white, and only ONE playwright, who is mostly a screenwriter anyway. Harumph.
Yeah, and it’s a corporate list of “people who will write about trains” rather than “disruptive journalists”. It’s not even TRYING to be edgy.
I’m sorry, but PUBIC MEDIA is making my day.
It is my most favorite typo this week! Gold stars all around.
Ahahaha! Oops.
NOT LISTENING TO ANYONE WHO DISLIKES HORSERADISH, bullshit Buzzfeed article. Horseradish is the best. Haters to the left.
Also, oh man I cannot wait for AHP’s book. Anne, you are so cool and smart I want to BE you.
Yeah I saw that horseradish was almost at the bottom of the list and I was RACHEL SANDERS YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. Horseradish is delicious and what would Passover be without it? A sad, spiceless celebration of freedom.
AND though it is in fact a root vegetable no one eats it on its own, like a carrot or something. It’s a condiment fer Christ’s sake; it’s really not fair to include it on a list with potatoes.
You can put horseradish and potatoes together for a delicious, spicy gratin!
I have made such a gratin and it was delicious! And come to think of it, I think the one I made also had celeriac so it was extra root-vegetabley!
Weirdly, I do not like horseradish, but I DO like Bothwell Horseradish Cheddar
ALSO kohlrabi: 1) it’s fucking delicious. Eat it raw in thin wedges. Absolutely yum. 2) it’s GORGEOUS – my mom grows it and it sits on top of the earth in these little glowing purple globes with long stems topped with waving leaves. The deepest, brightest purple, just sitting right there on the earth. Which leads me to my next point: 3) IT’S 100% NOT A ROOT. IT’S JUST NOT. IT GROWS ATOP THE EARTH LIKE… LIKE… LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS NOT A ROOT.
Now, daikon. Daikon may be very tasty, but it smells like the nastiest farts imaginable. Once I made vietnamese noodles that included daikon, and brought them to work, and they spilled juice/sauce in my lunch bag and all over my office and I had to literally deep clean my office with wipes and hazmat seal my lunch bag in several plastic in order for my office to not smell like a sewer.
I am a botanist, and I avoided reading that list precisely because I knew they were going to call things roots that were not roots.
I was hoping to find a gif of happy waving kohlrabi but I found this instead, so:
THAT ZEN STORY IS BEAUTIFUL AND TIMELY thnx nicole
#hopeless
#bighairnohope
I would like to echo that, the best thing I have ever learned was being with and making space for what is happening right now. It sounds so simple but works so well. Like a secret key to the universe. Thank you Nicole for sharing this.
I had a determinedly Christian friend once who found no comfort in her faith; I think she clung to it mostly out of fear. People kept at her too, trying to teach her how to find God in her life. BECAUSE HOPE. Her life did not end happily, to say the least. A little less striving after God might have helped her, I think.
(If you are Christian and it works for you, please keep doing what you’re doing. It’s the relentlessly positivist Western mindset I’m after here.)
“NO HOLINESS.” – Bodhidharma
The John Crawford thing makes me feel as hopeless as the 2004 election did. So I guess send me to the monastery?
For real, though, as someone who’s gone to those zen monasteries and who’s known a few people that got really into it–how are the indie protagonist monk’s kids doing?
ETA: damn early “save”. I don’t mean to be cryptic. I’ve seen some gnarly issues arise when one person pursues a path that could be described as active extinction of the self as we know it and other people who were/are pretty attached to that self are like, “wtf?” And I’m super into all this stuff and have never seen some of these questions addressed, except maybe in that documentary about the monk who had a stroke (which was super difficult to watch, ngl didn’t get all the way through it). I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS
I feel for anyone whose loved ones are on any sort of real spiritual quest, honestly. My poor husband will be “here is an aggravating thing I would like to speak about briefly, please do not tell me excitedly that this annoying person I have to deal with is going to be MY GREATEST TEACHER” and then I have to resolutely close my mouth.
……I once dated someone who tried to tell me what Ghandi said when I was having a rant about something.
Yes also I worry about the idea that letting go means letting go of trying to change, and trying to make the world a better place, and that being without hope might bring peace but it also brings nihilism and ok wtf do I know about this topic really?
So, the thing about Buddhism, as I understand it, is that it doesn’t let go of trying to change for the better, or of trying to heal the world. The idea is to work for a better world without being attached to the outcome and without letting your ego get in the way. Buddhism is pretty big on compassion, and the Buddhist equivalent of saints are people who achieve enlightenment (and thus release from reincarnation) but stick around with the rest of us to help everyone else achieve that goal. But Buddhism also acknowledges that there are many paths to the top of the mountain, and not everyone needs to be on the same path.
Some people find the idea that Heaven exists to be really motivating, other people find the idea that it doesn’t exist to be equally motivating.
I do wonder about the fallout for the families of people who hear a calling sometimes. Particularly so with Buddhism, given that the original child of a Buddhist – Buddha’s son – was given the name ‘shackle’ because he tethered his dad to worldly attachments :S Enjoy your therapy, kid!
Yeah, I think the story is that the original Buddha was a prince with a faaaaantastic life, got married to his dream girl, had like crazy good sex, and then when the kid was born he freaked out because wife + son *shackled* him to this world. So he straight up left his wife and newborn son to go find himself.
Basically a world religion based on what we would rightly call scumbag behavior. BUT I kind of love that the origin story so clearly articulates the tension inherent in any kind of spiritual pursuit: you might be all about being one with everything and feeling unconditional love for all things, but that means you aren’t loving anyone *in particular*, and someone still has to take care of your kids/family/whathaveyou.
And that doesn’t even get into the whole thorny issues around atypical neurology or health issues and the accessibility of Buddhist practice. There’s privilege there, I guess is what I’m saying. Like what the hell was his wife supposed to do? Did she get to pursue enlightenment too? Seems harder with a freaking newborn. But every time I’ve asked a monk about this they’ve just smiled at me beatifically, to the point where I was like, wait, are you…patronizing me? With endless love? Really?
pedantic botanist trolling to say almost half of those vegetables in the buzzfeed list are NOT ROOTS
“I can already hear the kohlrabi lobby whining about how it’s “not technically a root.” Not important; what matters here is that kohlrabi needs to be put in its place”
ARE YOU FROM BIG KOHLRABI?
IF ONLY. The kohlrabi is the least of my concerns, since it is SO OBVIOUSLY a modified (aboveground) stem. It is really the rhizomes and corms that got my craw.
Corms, you say?
ahhh corms, the unsung underground modified stems often described (quite erotically) as vertical swollen storage organs. swoon! Taro is a corm, as are water chestnuts. I thought jicama was maybe a corm, but maybe it’s a tuber?
I had no idea botany was so sexy.
I’ll just leave this here https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8544/8692629136_860…
Is that one of those giant flower things that blooms once a decade and smells like DEATH?
yesssssss. which I guess isn’t that sexy. But it is named Amorphophallus titanum, which is pretty badass. (it also develops a corm)
It smells like dead mice, and looks like a cock wrapped in kale.
I have made plans to go see one over a dozen times, because I am a sucker.
The best plant description I have ever read, bar none, forever.
I think it’s a tuber – I think it can be cut up to propagate?
I have so many problems with that list oh my god.
Jerusalem Artichokes (rhizome?) better than turnips? HELL NO
sure looks like a rhizome, but I think it’s actually a tuber (I WILL BE HERE ALL DAY)
I’m pretty sure ginger is a rhizome, right? Are there others on that list that I was unaware of?
Potatoes can be cut up to grow more potatoes as can ginger and sweet potatoes. Also Not Roots. You can take a piece of ginger, or potato or sweet potato and plant it and get a lovely plant. Parsnips, while nice enough, are not number 1.
yes, ginger is a rhizhome – and the only one on this (shitty) list. Other delicious ginger relatives: galangal and turmeric.
Non roots not yet mentioned:
cassava – a tuberous root (so I guess I’ll give that one to buzzfeed)
jicama – tuber
TRUE YAMS (not sweet potatoes) – tubers
Whatever they are, Jerusalem Artichokes contain Inulin which will ruin your digestive tract for around a day. Also, there was a Jerusalem Artichoke-based pyramid scheme back in the 80’s.
I want to know more about the pyramid scheme of jerusalem artichokes.
Also the story of how jerusalem artichokes got their name is pretty good, it was basically a bilingual game of telephone.
Dude, you need to SPECIFY.
If your ancestors are from western Europe, eating Jerusalem artichokes will give you a very precise idea of what gluten intolerance is like. (Apparently fermentable carbohydrates are at fault for both issues)
If your ancestors are from ANYWHERE ELSE, you will eat a delightful crunchy snack, or perhaps a filling and wholesome soup, and you will feel FINE, and also your blood sugar will be more stable than usual.
well then I guess I’m not as Slavic as I thought
There’s a disappointing lack of free information about this pyramid scheme, but here’s a book about it http://books.google.com/books?id=PtjNPLVC9NkC
I was going to take the High Road and NOT SAY this,but it was killing me to let this foul piece of slanderous misinformation stand, so THANK YOU for saying this.
Yesssssss.
Also Soris said it really well, AND knows more about corms v. tubers v. rhizomes than I do.
Pedantic botanist trolling is my favorite kind of trolling.
I love you. Come sit by me and together we can roll our eyes dramatically at people who claim tomatoes are their favorite vegetable..
can we also go to supermarket produce departments and re-label erroneous signs?
I had to hold back in the store the other day, the sign said “VINEGER”. It was killing me to leave it.
I once complained in Waterstones (their flagship branch!) that a sign had an incorrect apostrophe on it. The staff member was very reassuring and attentive, in a “this is how they have trained me to speak to mad customers” way). Fired by this success, I then complained to another staff member about the sexism of their “Books For Her” display. This did not get as good a reaction.
(I have definitely also annotated incorrect things in shops before. I once saw a “staff picks” description of a book – maybe To Say Nothing of the Dog? – which was so wrong I had to get a pen out and fix it.)
I’ll bring the Sharpies!
Squash is mine! Or cucumbers! Or sweet corn!
Isn’t squash also a fruit? Because it comes from a flower or something?
Yes. Those are all fruits. The “tomatoes are actually a fruit!” distinction is… well, a lot of savory vegetables are technically fruits, but people only mention the tomatoes, because that’s the meme, and high five for that piece of highly specific pedantry, society.
You know what there should be more outrage about? Calling mushrooms vegetables.
Ovary, specifically.
And WORD on the mushroom thing. Mushrooms have more genes in common with humans than with, say, bananas. Or any plant, really.
I keep trying to stick the wildlife biologists with the fungi surveys, they keep trying to convince me that insects are actually plants. It’s a process.
Okay but like, isn’t the fruit vs vegetable distinction a nutritional one, whereas botanically all kinds of stuff are fruit, like eggplant and cucumber and squash and stuff? And vegetable really just means “a plant” as in vegetable vs animal vs mineral? Pls correct me if I am wrong, I have been saying this information at people for a while now.
You are correct: here is an official botanist star! Now I must go; somewhere, a plant is calling!*
*and I must crush it in liquid nitrogen and extract its DNA.
I just want to say that this comment is everything I want vintage Swamp Thing comics to be, and I will never read one in case I am proven wrong.
Always T-1000 your Swamp things.
Fruits, botanically speaking, come from the ovary and sometimes additional tissue of the plant. Also, those things out on the outside of strawberries? They’re nuts – achenes – not seeds. And the little hairs on the outside of raspberries are trichomes, and they hold the drupelets together. #NotABotanistJustAPlantNerd
And the little juice-filled strands in oranges and lemons are modified trichomes!
WHAT WHOA MIND BLOWN.
You may have to change your screen name now, because Pedantic Botanist just rolls right off the tongue.
but this pedantic botanist doesn’t want to give up her botanical pun screen name!
Are you on twitter? Because if so, I want to follow you with my botanical pun screen-named account.
I stand botanically corrected. 🙂
Oh my god, I can’t believe someone would dare criticize a piece of New York! They filmed Serpico there! And sure, other cities have built train systems without bed bugs and rats and dead sharks, but can they get a decent slice of pizza within their train stations? I rest my case.
Jesus that article is infuriating. “Person criticizes New York subway, people FREAK RIGHT OUT.” God, this is why things like the Village Voice get a bad reputation. Because people just freak right the fuck out that someone might possibly intimate that your personal way home from work is not OMG THE BEST POSSIBLE SUBWAY IN THE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH, and also the best and cheapest and cleanest and whatever. I want to set them all on fire.
People are goddamned ridiculous, is what.
“You freakin’ delicate unicorns” is making me very happy, though.
Of course, I am a flyover country rube who once exited Amtrak at Newark Penn Station rather than New York Penn Station, so needless to say I agree that the New York subway is terrifying.
The announcement sounds exactly the same!
I had to repeat myself 3 times to some tourists who thought Newark Penn was New York Penn. “NEWARK. NOT NEW YORK.”
IT’S A TRAP.
I feel asleep on the train once and when I woke up had to do a whole “Is this New York” “Yes, this is Newark” comedy routine with the conductor. Someone needs to change their name.
Wouldn’t it be funny if it were New York? Think of all the songs that would have to be rewritten.
Listen, unless you are from Jersey, there is no possible way to understand the difference between Nork and Nyork when uttered verbally.It’s one of the many ways we try to keep you people out of our beautiful orchard-strewn state. It’s also why we put our gross parts on the outskirts of Philly/NY.
Of all the things to get defensive about, the subway is what they choose?! I take the subway every day but only because I have no other option. I will readily admit that it is a conveyor belt of filth and disease, hurtling through tunnels made of garbage and rat droppings.
Seriously. And considering my hellish commute on the N the last two days, I have no love for the MTA right now.
ME TOO ON THE N!!! It’s making all of my “Astoria is the best place in the five boroughs forever and ever amen” bragging seem downright false. ETA: I think it’s like a family member – New Yorkers can b*tch about the MTA ad nauseum but the second someone else does it….
Yeah, I almost feel like the real emotional response behind the vitriol was “YES, we KNOW it is terrible but we just have to endure it because it’s the only way to get around, please don’t remind us.” People can get really defensive of the terrible things they have to rely on when there’s no other option.
Seriously, even the Paris Metro is better than the subway, and that shit was build by Louis the Pious to impress his dad.
Which makes it pretty impressive, as far as 9th century inventions go.
I get lost on the NY subway every time I go up there. And I only ever use it to go in a straight line – Penn Station to Midtown! Once I ended up in Brooklyn! It is needlessly complicated and I hate it and now I walk instead.
Well, apparently I am the person you’re all (rightfully) complaining about, because I just had a total knee-jerk defensive reaction to your criticism of the subway. I love it…and the unnecessary complication is the best part…
I mean, being used to the London Underground is really going to spoil any person for all American subways anyway. The tube is downright pleasant and I cannot say that about any of the US transit systems I’ve used (including the DC metro, which is overall pretty nice, comparatively).
I’ve never been on US public transport (only been to the US once) – but I guess I expected it to be much the same as London’s. I’ll try to appreciate the London underground more now :). Also, quote from the article:
“But really, Bim? You’re mad you have to look at a train to know which train it is? The London Tube must be some sort of magical system where one can just stumble at random onto any train and it will whisk you merrily to your destination,”
Uh…yes.
I mean, I have PLENTY of complaints about the London Underground – but you pretty much get on the right (colour-coded) line and you’re all good, I don’t think I’ve ever looked at the front of the train to see where it’s going.
“But really, Bim? You’re mad you have to look at a train to know which train it is? The London Tube must be some sort of magical system where one can just stumble at random onto any train and it will whisk you merrily to your destination,”
Uh…yes.
I don’t know why they seem so outraged by this. Yes, if you go to a platform that is signposted as “Northbound Piccadilly Line”, you know where the train is going without having to look at it. IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
IT IS LEGITIMATELY CONFUSING THOUGH. IT IS. Just because those who use it regularly have learned to navigate the complexity doesn’t make it not complicated!!!!
Like, I grew up with the Boston train system, and I fully acknowledge that having all the directions be relative (inbound vs. outbound) and a Green Line that splits into four different things at one end is weird and confusing and the kind of thing that requires you to already know where things are. I acknowledge that. I don’t personally mind because I grew up with it, but when an outsider bemoans it I don’t cry about it, I just grin evilly and say “welcome to Boston, where the trains are almost as confusing as the roads.”
::googles Zen Center Boston::
HOPE IS THE WORST I HATE IT SO MUCH I am a terrible Buddhist.
Seriously so excited for Scandals. It’s been a void on the internet.
But the cover could use more nipples!
RELATED: after that book came out, Gloria Swanson apparently sued Anger. She lost, but while it was going on he sent her all this insane shit, including (allegedly) a BABY COFFIN FULL OF SUGAR. Because she hated sugar. Her husband wrote a book about how sugar is bad (Sugar Blues).
That little tidbit just blows my mind. Imagine the forethought something like that takes! You have to go buy a baby coffin, tons of sugar, figure out the postage, explain something to the delivery person, etc.
Imagine being the funeral parlour employee who has a client come in to buy a baby coffin, and your heart is breaking for him, and you’re doing your best to convey your sympathy for his tragic loss, and the dude is just like “Nah it’s fine brah, I just need it to deliver a SICK BURN to my wife.” Then he walks away with the baby coffin tucked under his arm, humming the Trolololol song.
That might actually be a pretty good day for a baby coffin salesman.
This is exactly the kind of scenario I am envisioning.
I was always terrible at pumping. Actual breastfeeding: no problem (well, I mean, apart from problems which were fairly easily solved). Pumping: FAIL. Luckily my first child took formula when I had to work and the other ones were old enough to be able to cope without a feed when I left them (ie they could eat other food, not that I just left them to starve for hours.)
I was terrible at it too. And I FELT terrible while trying – it was so awful to be hooked up to this sucking machine. I felt dehumanized.
So my second child switched to formula at 6 weeks. Broke my heart – she was doing so well on my milk (the first one didn’t – I was living in an anxious situation and not producing much, so I had to supplement – but I nursed her for 11 months as well as I could).
But pumping…*shudder*. Not judging others (in fact, envious), but I got so skeeved out and upset.
Ugh, I loved breastfeeding, but pumping is awful. Dehumanizing is the word. You know what would be awesome? Six months mandatory maternity leave so that by the time you have to go back to work, your kid can start on solids at the pediatrician-approved time and you can either supplement with formula or have to pump much less frequently.
MASSIVELY AGREED. I loved breastfeeding too – I got to sit down! And read! And then my kid would doze off! And I could nap!
I cannot like this enough, and I am a formula-feeding mother of two. I tried like Hell to pump with the second one, but due to breast surgery in the Aughts, they’d severed the ducts and nothing happened no matter how strong the pump. Both my sisters breastfed their kids, and they agreed wholeheartedly that while nursing rocked, pumping was a big ol’ pile of depressing nastiness.
That not only would be awesome, but very basic and humane. Normal, in fact.
In Canada you are legally entitled to a year, and you can collect employment insurance during that year. It’s not tons of money, but it’s something. My work only tops you up for 3 months, but I feel like when that time comes I will probably be able to negotiate 6, and that still seems inhumane.
The situation in the US is abominable.
“family values”
The union in my office is trying very hard to make telework always available to everyone. I don’t have a baby, but even I can appreciate the dramatically different dress code/ability to put exercise into the part of the day/etc, while also MAINTAINING HUMAN INTERACTIONS/ability to earn a paycheck.
I like that you explained that.
Haha! Well, they’re kind of driving me crazy at the moment, so I think I feel like I need to constantly clarify that I really do care about and love them, even though I’m saying to everyone I know, ‘ARGH MY CHILDREN ARE AWFUL.’
I had a professor say that recently, and when I delicately inquired as to how old his children were, he said
“30 and 32”
“Oh,” I said, age 31, “That is a TOUGH age.”
(I should clarify that they are having very specific personal problems such as adults have, and he is just unable to frame it in any way other than “I have irritating teen-agers” – I was going to say it’s charming, but that’s probably an artifact of how he’s the only professor who provides solid, tangible answers to my questions and it probably drives his children mad.)
I mean, I have to give it to my children: their behaviour is completely age-appropriate and typical, but there are four of them between the ages of seven and two, and coupled with the exhaustion of working to a deadline, I’m finding it hard right now.
No doubt I’ll like them again at some point.
Holy crap, that sounds insane difficult, even without the deadline. Good luck!
(My brother and I tended to hit difficult stages and easy stages at the same time, even though there were five years between us. Maybe your children will all segue into an easy stage together in the near future.)
Heh, yeah, I’m crazy.
There are definitely times when I’ll say to the Handsome Sidekick, ‘you know what, it’s getting easier!’ and he’ll say, ‘yes, I was thinking that, too,’ and then a few weeks later we’ll look at each other, and go, ‘weren’t we just saying it was getting easier…?’
Yes! I had massive oversupply with my first kid and I still couldn’t pump more than a few mils in a sitting. Despite this I am going to get a pump for my in-utero second because I had several bouts of mastitis with my first – I seem to be in a sharing mood today sorry Toasties – and I’m terrified of having it again, and with the first kid she wouldn’t drink the milk out of the mastitisty side so I had to manually express the milk and oh it was a nightmare. Breastfeeding is awesome and great except when it’s hard and makes you sick and miserable.
I found hand-expressing to be way easier, tbh, although it’s a lot messier. And mastitis blows. I had it with #2 and that breast never produced as much as the other one, not even for subsequent babies. .
We can’t ignore that the end of the URL for that Buzzfeed list is turnip-for-what
TURNIP FOR WHAT
(Also I <3 radishes)
Radishes for life! Thin radish slices with some butter and salt. Gimme.
Or pickled! Is there anything better than pickled radishes and kafta?
I read this as “pickled radishes and kafka” and I was like…you know, what, sure. Maybe that will make me like Kafka more.
True story, I first read Metamorphosis while eating borsch. I felt like the soup was made of crushed up bugs. I haven’t had borsch since. Moral of the story: Kafka does not go with everything.
Oh my god, plagues of insects were ordered “to leave town not only by a certain day, but by an exact time.” And they got EXCOMMUNICATED if they didn’t obey, And they were appointed public defenders!
Brb, I just need to bask in that thought for a second.
Also the only thing I remember about “I, Claudius,” other than the fact that it was long and boring, is the part where a tree is put on trial and chopped down because one of the emperor’s relatives chokes to death on its fruit
Boring?! I think we must have watched different shows.
To each her own, de gustibus and all that.
Ha, that’s because I read the book instead, and at a too-young age.
Weevil public defender: my new career path?
I’m probably not going to be around for the next three weeks of Open Threads (sob!) so apologies for crashing the Link Roundup with this–but has anyone read Laurie Penny’s Unspeakable Things? So far I’m thinking it’s really great (although I can’t be said to be actually enjoying it because it’s pretty rough reading), but I haven’t heard it discussed anywhere and I’m worried that there’s a Caitlin Moran-style bomb waiting to go off somewhere. Has anyone else read this book? Should I steel myself for disappointment or does Penny come through without saying anything horrifically offensive?
Hanging around this thread to see what comes up. I picked up that book in a store just this past Tuesday and considered buying it, since although I am not a regular Penny Red reader, everything I have read of hers has been very smart, very sharp. But I put it down and picked up We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves because of Man Booker related curiosity. (I am now halfway through it. It is an absorbing read!)
A coworker at the indie bookstore where I moonlight is pushing that book hard. She’s had some quibbles but brought nothing to my attention that is Moran-level UGH.
Cool. Thanks!
There will come a day in my future when I, like your teacher’s teacher, will have a gaping hole the size of the Grand Canyon, and I find comfort that the path of no hope could possibly be my refuge. (Until then, I am hoping against all hope for a cure) (I know I’m being vague but I have to to leave for work soon and I don’t want to start crying) (Hope you all will allow me this small indulgence)
I AM at work and you have made me snivel. I can blame it on my cold if anyone asks and I add my hope to yours, zen or not.
Hopeful solidarity (I’m crying too, fuck it)
I’m so sorry. Be as vague as you need to be, because whatever it is sounds terrible and foreboding and just not fun.
Thank you. “It” is leukemia. Maybe naming it will take away some of its power. Ok, now I REALLY need to go to work.
Ah, shit. Internet hugs for you if you want them.
Thanks. I’ll take em.
Have more! If there was anything else I could usefully offer I would.
Yes, go to work! I promise I won’t write back anymore 🙂 In any case, I really should be writing and/or going to bed, myself, but please know that I’m thinking very good thoughts for you.
Aaaw thanks.
Throwing my hat in the “wishing for a cure” ring and hoping your gaping hole day is far, far away (or doesn’t come at all!). All the Internet hugs to you.
Thank you so much. Seriously, everyone here, thanks. Some mornings/afternoons/nights are harder than others and today is one of them but all these cyber hugs are helping, I swear.
More hugs then. All the hugs.
Oh I’m so sorry, and I’m hoping so hard for something good for you, and specifically a cure.
My heart is breaking for you. Wrapping you in the warmest internet hugs I can.
And this is why Buddhism is not for me.
Meanwhile, my reaction was “And this exactly why Zen works for me”! Different strokes, etc.
Yep yep, I know plenty of folks for whom it’s great.
RICH TAPESTRY
When we lived in a place that was…. fuck, it was Redding. Redding California, a WONDERFUL PLACE to live unless you’re Hispanic, like my husband, fucking Redding.
Anyway. When we lived in Redding, our paths kept intersecting the paths of members of a Buddhist commune; somehow, about 40% of the time we made a friend or answered a Craigslist ad or got a job, they’d be current or former members of this community. They were ALL CHARMING, but they had a tendency to make life decisions that were like 35 degrees off from typical decision making trees. I started cataloging them to see if they had better long-term outcomes than normal; results are mixed.
Turnips, though. Turnips are good.
Seriously, have these people never had a pickled turnip? Have a pickled turnip and then talk to me!
Also if your friends are asking the questions in that academic employment piece, they sound like jackasses who probably don’t understand how employment works in any sector and who spend their time wondering why poor people don’t just invest their money or something. Maybe get new ones?
No kidding. If anyone asks “Wow, your job is terrible, why don’t you work for someplace that pays better?” you should be allowed to beat them with 15,000 copies of your resume.
Oh, yes, just go out to the Good Jobs Store and pick out something nice. I’ve heard they’re putting Research Scientist jobs on special this week, and they always have a nice assortment of Super Specialized Animal Related Professions to choose from.
Yes, this is where I shoot laser beams out of my eyes. My very specific branch of science has openings everywhere! Especially within driving distance of my tiny hometown, mom.
In my experience it is mostly your parents’ friends, who you are kind of stuck with/love. I just finished my PhD so I’ve been getting a lot of well-meaning, “What’s next for you?” and I have to explain that since I’ve been adjuncting for years, nothing has really changes, other than being theoretically qualified for virtually nonexistent jobs.
Okay, that zen story is both terrifying and inspiring. I am not sure I would like to be full of no hope, but I would love to get to a place where I can be more at peace with the world just the crappy way it is.
Some ancient Greek dudes once successfully prosecuted a statue for murder (although I think this is a miscarriage of justice since it was clearly self-defence) and sentenced it to exile by throwing it into the sea. So it’s not just a medieval thing.
Allegedly, a man who never won a match against Theagenes came every night to the statue and beat it. One night, the statue came loose, fell on the angry opponent, and killed him.
CLEARLY self-defense, statue was doing nothing wrong. Crazy Greek dudes.
Imagine being such a sore loser that you have to resort to beating up a statue, and then losing to the statue.
That sounds like the guys who shot up a century-old cactus for the lulz, and then died when it toppled over on top of them.
I wonder what happened to the tortoise that killed Aeschylus?
clicked on the buzzfeed link, saw they insulted kohlrabi (which is the shit, don’t even lie). BF is now on my hate list
Went back to the list, they also insulted JICAMA and HORSERADISH and ACTUAL RADISH? this is bullshit. I mean, yeah, parsnips are the best. I could see that, but the rest of that list is messed up
Parsnips are so underrated. You can make cake with using the exact same recipe as carrot cake and it is delicious. The only problem is that whenever I buy a Discount Bag Of Many Vegetables there’s always a wretched turnip in there. The only good thing to do with turnips is mash them into something else and hope you don’t notice they’re in there, like trying to trick a small child except that the child is yourself.
Not true: they are also excellent winter fodder for horses, and then you don’t have to plow the fields with oxen.
Also awesome when pickled if you are into pickled things. But I think all things should be pickled and/or fermented.
I will fight anyone who disparages jicama.
I will lend you my sword.
Also I will make us a giant jicama-and-watermelon radish salad with lime and cilantro, for when we are ravenous after our victory.
I read a wonderful interview with a recovering addict/Buddhist monk who talked about “letting go of the story” and just… shutting up about it. Those were his actual words. Which was ruffling to read, but he went on to discuss how our retention of our sad stories can keep us rooted to the past and future (instead of the present, which of course is the goal in Buddhist practice). It was the perfect thing to read at the perfect moment, and it’s helping me to stay open as I move through life’s challenges right now. Fuck yeah, Buddhism.
(I’ve been a Buddhist for 15 years, yet I still find so many things to learn about it)
Link? Because I have a suitcase full of sad stories here.
http://www.tricycle.com/interview/just-shut
So much Buddhist tradition lies in the JOLT of awakening, so sometimes the teaching can be a bit brash, but for whatever reason that works for me. Ever since reading this, my mind has flipped the script on my sad stories, and I’m feeling this upwelling of joy and peace. Actually brings me to tears. It’s temporary of course (EVERYTHING IS) but bit by bit these moments of clarity have helped shape me into a person that I’m relatively happy with. hope it helps you 🙂
Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, actually talks about this a lot – we love animals and are inspired by them because they are the embodiment of this concept! It’s true that some that were badly abused can retain behaviors/reactions that are negative, but unlike us, they essentially start each day fresh and new. They’re always ready to trust again, basically! Gah it’s such a cliche sorry I just lurve aminals 🙁
“They’re always ready to trust again…”
Ah, Jeez…crying for the second time this morning (the barn fire pigs got to me first).
I’m riding a horse that embodies your statement and can’t imagine my life without him. Cheers, fellow animal appreciater!
Token book-geek link: http://iso.500px.com/book-self-portraits/
Did anyone else read Jack Handley’s dream about Phil Hartman as this scene from The Simpsons?
“Father McGrath, I thought you were dead!”
“I was!”
Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dreams as…
brb sobbing actual tears about Jack Handey’s dream :'(((((((
“Train go vroom but where train go?”
Between the pregnant-woman-shoving and the two pregnant women being shot and killed in my city within, like, a week, I am pretty goddamn pissed at everything right now.
Yep. I don’t actually have the words to express how horrified I am right now.
What’s all the more horrifying is that the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the U.S. is murder.
Jesus Christ I wikipediaed that because I didn’t want it to be true.
Let’s just bring it all together and start a NYC Subway Writers-in-Residence Program. If that won’t teach you there’s no hope, nothing will.
Well done.
A+ would kickstart
Alright, who are these insane people who think beets tasty like dirt? Wash your vegetables, people! Roast them up and the skin comes right off! Beets are nature’s candy.
but they DO actually contain geosmin that tastes earthy (and is a big part of petrichor, the great smell when it rains). I think some people are more sensitive to this than others? I can taste it but I LOVE it, but my mom and sister find it really offputting.
Yes — my mother and I are both in the “beets taste like dirt, no matter how you slice them” camp, and I’ve been told that this is a genetic thing, like the people who report that cilantro tastes like soap.
That’s oddly reassuring! My mother and one brother love beets; my father, other brother, and I think they taste like sweet dirt. I think we all love cilantro, though. Maybe that gene’s on another chromosome!
Obviously you need to pitch a new version of this article to the Toast. You know, with your copious free time.
You never told us about your collecting trip! I totally forgot to ask!
You have incurred Mallory’s wrath on twitter.
SORRY I WATCHED A LOT OF DOUG GROWING UP, MALLORY.
Today I learned that there’s more overlap than I expected in the Venn diagram of “people who reply to Mallory’s tweets” and “people who never watched Doug.”
Right??
I’m one! Beets taste like a straight-up mouthful of dirt to me. And yes, I’ve tried them washed, and without skin, and roasted, and in sweet preparations, and in savory preparations, and the golden ones, and as juice. They all taste like dirt.
THANK YOU. I am so tired of people telling me that I just haven’t tried beets prepared just the right way, and if I only have them this magic special way that is somehow different from the other 100 ways I’ve had them prepared, I will suddenly discover that they don’t taste like dirt. NOPE. THEY TASTE LIKE DIRT ALL THE WAYS.
Yes, this. I wish I liked beets, I really do! My disdain for beets, along with my similar feelings for eggplants and mushrooms, makes me A Bad Vegetarian.
No they totally taste like dirt and it’s awesome! Sweet dirt! Yum!
LIKE DIRT CANDY. That’s why I love them. So wonderful and delicious!
Edited to reflect that I clearly did not read anyone else’s comments. But I’m glad I’m not alone! Dirt candy 4ever.
Montreal bagels are vastly superior to NYC bagels, COME AT ME VILLAGE VOICE
One of the things that helped me enormously with the horrible destructive parts of my brain- and continues to help me- is Shunryu Suzuki’s book “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind”. Every time I read it the nutso ferrety parts of my mind just…kind of float up and away for a while. It’s pretty great. (N.B.: Lots of psychotherapy and a good SSRI are what have kept me from going off the deep end entirely. This book is just a lovely extra hand.)
It is also important, I think, if you are enjoying the NO HOPE idea, to remember it doesn’t have to keep you from trying to make the world less awful. That’s a good thing to do regardless. You can get really into “vast emptiness, no holiness,” and still, like, devote yourself to the betterment of the shitty world.
Right, yes. Part of what I find so attractive about Zen is the idea that things are as they are- you don’t have to push yourself into feeling or not feeling some way about something, which can be very soothing when you’re feeling bad and then, of course, feeling bad about your feelings. It pares your list of obligations down to “existence”.
Exactly! My husband and I were just saying this exact thing–that you don’t have to feel a certain way or perform a certain feeling for someone else, and people should stop policing other people’s reactions to, say, life-altering news. You said it much better than we did. Have we been Zen all along and not realized it??
Having no hope probably makes it even easier to help others! Because you’re taking other people as they are, and you’re doing what you can, and that’s the truth. No grand delusions about solving world hunger or anything; just honest attempts to improve the lives of those you can, when you can, however you can.
This will teach me to comment before reading the whole thread! Actually it probably won’t because I am human and prone to repetitive mistakes and I am ok with that.
I just… can someone help me wrap my head around the no hope thing? Like, if you are a depressed person and have a really shitty life and also accept that it is not going to get better, what is the motivation to a) help people/try to better the world and b) not just kill yourself?
That is a really good point, and I’m not sure how to best answer it! And I think for many people it wouldn’t be at all helpful; like all faiths, it won’t work for everyone. In my case, it allowed me to accept things as they were, instead of frantically trying to escape the terrible things I was feeling. And THEN it added on the idea that feelings are temporary, that you can let them pass by you and survive them and not be changed at the core. And those two things together- (a) I feel Godawful and (b) it can be temporary- got me into a place somehow where I was better able to say “hey, I feel terrible but maybe I don’t always have to feel like this, maybe I can go see a therapist and they can help this tide of feels go down.” It helped me realize that my emotions- which were beating the shit out of me- were not all that there was or is of me. Which was an enormous relief. I wasn’t /just/ a walking ball of anxiety and self-hate!
> it can be temporary- got me into a place somehow where I was better able to say “hey, I feel terrible but maybe I don’t always have to feel like this, maybe I can go see a therapist and they can help this tide of feels go down.”
Isn’t that basically hope? “This is bad; maybe it won’t be in the future,” seems to fit the bill.
Yeah, I guess. Honestly the whole religion is about the inadequacy of teaching and language to communicate truth and the importance of direct understanding, so I probably shouldn’t even have tried to explain it.
ETA: I’m not angry, I’m actually laughing at myself here a little- the whole point of Zen is to stymie the conscious mind! Of /course/ I can’t explain it the way I want.
…Maybe we’re working with different definitions of “hope”? Because realizing your feelings are temporary and can be changed for the better seems like hope to me!
ETA: Ah, I see that @amazingsandwich already said the same thing, sorry!
How it has been explained to me is that hope is about the future. By refusing to concentrate on feelings about the future, you’re able to pay attention to what’s happening right now, in a concrete way that forces you to deal with it, and by dealing with it, things eventually change, possibly for the better. But since you aren’t hoping, whatever changes they are continue to be things you deal with as they come, and you live neither in anxiety nor disappointment, but in a constant state of dealing with the present. Und so fort.
Thanks, this helps! Still don’t know if I buy the concept (it’s radically different than my perspective on life) but at least I kind of understand it now.
This somewhat rehashes what everyone else has said, but Pema Chodron (Tibetan, not Zen Buddhist) recommends you “feel the feeling, but drop the story” of how it came about. This connects to releasing hope because you step out of a narrative framework (so-and-so was rude, therefore I was wronged, thus I’m mad…JUSTIFIABLY”) and into your life (I feel angry, but once I’ve taken away all the props supporting that anger and simply look around, it doesn’t feel quite so hot and botheracious anymore). This doesn’t mean you spend your life navel-gazing; it pushes you to engage with the world with a lot of bravery and makes room for action, activism, and also getting your laundry done, without worrying about the outcome.
1) Buddhism is not for everyone.
2) “Hope” often comes with attachment. We are attached to the idea that things will get better, and we live in an imagined future where they are better, instead of living and working in the present. And a lot of times, with hope, the agent of that change for the better is some mysterious external force. But as sednarea51 said, letting go of hope doesn’t mean accepting that things will always be this way; one of the things that Buddhism also teaches is that everything is temporary. But you have to accept that everything is temporary without getting attached to your expectations for what change will look like.
“But you have to accept that everything is temporary without getting attached to your expectations for what change will look like.”
I actually really like this concept! Thank you for helping me understand this better.
San Francisco meetup tomorrow! Two Sisters on Hayes Street between Laguna and Octavia. I will be there at 5. Come when you can. And I am buying your first drink, so find me: white, middle-aged, apple-shaped, with auburn hair. I want to meet you. Yes, you. Not just those other Toastfolk. You. I find you valuable as-is. Please come.
I’m gonna comment on this just so I can find the info later when I inevitably forget one or more of these details.
If you need some good news in your life, I invite you to look at this picture of the Indian engineers who just sent a spacecraft into orbit around Mars (story here):
WOOO MARS!
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed this morning.
YAS.
DELIGHTFUL!
I heard a snippet on NPR yesterday that this REAL LIFE spacecraft launch cost less ($74million) than the FAKE spacecraft launch that was the movie Gravity ($100million).
!!! how absolutely wonderful! 😀
I wrote my own short piece about that breast pump hackathon, and learned that a) breast pumps literally based on cow milkers and b) the basic technology and even design has barely changed in 100 years.
What
O.o
“breast pumps literally based on cow milkers”
All I can say to this is “Moo”.
When they still calculate due dates based on a rule developed in 1830 and feed women statistics about fertility based on 1700s France, why would they bother to change the milker just because the cows are (technically) human?
Sorry, I took my bitter pills today. I’m a current nurser/pumper, so this article really hit home.
Here is the most useful thing I have ever learned about the New York City subway system: when in doubt, just ask. All the confusion will puddle right off you, because New Yorkers *get* how confusing it is and will sometimes even walk you over to the right place to get on the train, even, so that you get out at the right staircase for your destination. People here really love to demonstrate their familiarity with the city, and they know that if it isn’t a subway line you’re used to taking all the time, it can be intimidating. So ask! Ask away! You won’t regret it. I stopped being scared of trying to find places only to somehow end up in Queens, over and over.
Rachel Sanders is obviously food trolling. And not doing it very well.
While we’re explaining academic things, can someone explain what a faculty even is? Is it basically a fancy union?
no. you can have faculties of arts, science, law, etc. They divide up academics into groups. The faculty are those who teach, and generally it just means tenure track and tenured profs and not adjuncts, or people on 1 year/recurring contracts who also teach students, or in fact teach more students than tt or tenured. They might have unions, they might have memorandum of understandings, or they might have nothing to define their labor relationship with the employer (the university).
WHAT WHOA MIND BLOWN.
Heh, yeah, I'm crazy.
There are definitely times when I'll say to the Handsome Sidekick, 'you know what, it's getting easier!' and he'll say, 'yes, I was thinking that, too,' and then a few weeks later we'll look at each other, and go, 'weren't we just saying it was getting easier…?'
no. you can have faculties of arts, science, law, etc. They divide up academics into groups. The faculty are those who teach, and generally it just means tenure track and tenured profs and not adjuncts, or people on 1 year/recurring contracts who also teach students, or in fact teach more students than tt or tenured. They might have unions, they might have memorandum of understandings, or they might have nothing to define their labor relationship with the employer (the university).